Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Ep 16 Pillow Fort Sessions | The Quiet Strength of Solitude Versus the Challenge of Loneliness

Transcript

Ep 16 Pillow Fort Sessions | The Quiet Strength of Solitude Versus the Challenge of Loneliness · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everyone to the campfire.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It's kinky and the bonfire that is of the BSM, the nice and high flames of the non-monogamous, or around the kinky campfire.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is your host once again El Comidon, the Cuddle Gigolo, or HH Julius, or just Julius, if that's what you want to call me.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Call me JJ too, if you want.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: But we're back again for another Pillowfort Sessions Of Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: This is the episodes I've put in between Our group session, episodes which come out most of the time Every second and fourth Thursdays of the month when we can.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: But right now, as you can hear me, probably on the on a Thursday, that's usually reserved for the regular episodes, but life gets to us sometimes so we have to make, make room for adjustments.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: But you get to hear me, luckily there campsters and I'm coming back with another episode of the pillow for sessions where I like to deep dive into certain topics, uh, and do a little bit more background.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: So this is more factual than it is entertaining or opinionated.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Uh, I will be drawing anecdotally from my experiences in the past, but I wanted to talk about something in specificity, so give you more details of what I'm talking about, more so than opinions.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So today's topic I will be getting into is another versus topic.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I want to make people aware because that's what we do here around Kinky Campfire.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: We are all about awareness and education through awareness and self-awareness and self-introspection, all those different type of things, because we are first and foremost an education podcast specifically diving down into the kink, bdsm and non-monogamy.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: So here we go into a topic, but before that you guys know what time it is.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It's that favorite 30 seconds here at the Pillowfort Sessions, but the ASMR 30 seconds.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: And I got not sponsored.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Once again, some sparkling ice, caffeine.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I'm a sparkling ice lover.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I will whore myself out once again for a sponsorship.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Love me some sparkling ice.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: And they've had the caffeine energy drinks for a while now, and right now I'm drinking a strawberry citrus Because it is one a school night, which we usually do record on school nights, but it is also not quite night yet.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: So almost evening time right now for this Pillowfort episode and I'm going to start the ASMR 30 seconds right now in 3, 2.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I almost spilled some on myself.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I got a little excited.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: It tastes so good.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that was even 30 seconds, but got me some strawberry citrus there.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Sparkling ice, caffeine, zero sugar.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: If you want some energy without the lows of the sugar weighing you down and making your teeth feel all gritty, then try some sparkling ice, caffeine, zero sugar energy drink.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know what their catchphrase is, but I could make one up here, but I'm not All right.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: So that was the 30 seconds there.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: So now let's dive into the topic that I have, and it is a topic I like to talk about because not a lot of people know the difference in these two things, at least from what I've seen, and I have an opinion about it.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So I decided to do a little research and get some facts behind it, because that's what we're here for at the Pillowfort Sections.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: We dive down into the facts so you can agree with it or disagree or whatever.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: This is factual stuff.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I have looked up on the interwebs.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So this is just here to make you aware.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: You have your opinion and feel free to do your own research.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Once again, we are not experts, so we just have information, either intellectually or experientially, experientially, life stuff that we like to put out there.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So if you have a view or whatever opinion about it, do your own research.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: We are not experts here, we're just putting it out there so that you know there are people that do this and have these same trials and tribulations that you do and a lot of things.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Right now, especially after having gone through a pandemic and quarantine like a lot of people did, there was a lot of isolation going on because it was kind of federally mandated.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: But the word isolation I don't even think people understand the difference between isolation or solitude versus actually being lonely or loneliness or alone, however you want to put it.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So right now this episode is going to be isolation or solitude versus loneliness or being alone.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: What is the difference?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think people know this difference here, because stuff like loner gets thrown out all over the place and there's a big spectrum out there of people that like to do stuff, either socially or for entertainment whatever, in their leisure time as a group.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it may feel like, anyways, that a lot of us don't have a choice when we actually do.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Anyways, that a lot of us don't have a choice when we actually do.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Just to let y'all people know campsters, social skills is, at its heart, a skill Skill.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I want to say this again and I keep saying this all through the different episodes Skills need to be practiced.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Practice, okay.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: This stuff is not taught to you in a normal occasion, unless you're fortunate enough to just be one of those people that I don't know know quote unquote gifted or talented with it.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: But still a skill.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You still need to practice it.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: So if you don't practice the skills, you won't get better at them.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Whatever your definition of better is, I just say going out there is good.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Uh, you don't have to be good at it, it's cool, like good.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Being good at social skills it's like go out there and try it.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: You might be awkward or whatever, but guess what?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: It's probably just on you.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: The awkwardness and the feeling of awkwardness I should say specifically is on you.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: You might be doing fine and you just think you're being awkward because nobody responds.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: In a way, you think it's an assumption right there and, as we know, an unfound assumption leads to resentment.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: So, even if you think you're being weird or creepy, how about you do a little bit of check there and make sure you are?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I would argue just going out and doing the social thing is a success.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You should be thankful for yourself, for your effort.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Gratitude is a great thing to have and you should be going out there and trying it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I'd say as often, as often as you want to.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Let's just put it that way if you feel like you want to go, do the social thing, don't.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: You know, don't let shyness and everything hold you back.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Those are feelings that people have, uh, but you don't have to let that hold you back.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: That is a thing we all have at some point or another.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe people do or don't admit it, but everybody experiences shyness at some time.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Have feelings, that's fine.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: But still do the thing.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Be scared, angry, upset, sad, happy, whatever.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: But just go keep doing the thing if you want to.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: That's the biggest thing.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I say stuff is simple Just do it.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: But ask yourself do you want to do it?
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Is this something you want to do?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: If you don't want to do it, then don't do it, even if you feel guilted or shamed or whatever, because you want to stay in and not go out.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: You do what you want to do Stay and play video games If that's what you want.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: But I'm here for the people that want to try the thing and have other feelings about it.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I say just go do it.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Go.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I'm here for you.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Julius is here for that.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I am constantly avid believer and practicer of being comfortable, being comfortable being uncomfortable.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I'm comfortable being uncomfortable.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's just how it is.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I'm constantly willing to push myself, no matter what the feelings I have, because I want to go and do social things and I'm sure you guys hopefully have heard the episode I had about introvertism.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I said right there I'm 100% well, like 90%, mostly an introvert and I have some extrovert tendencies and of course there is the ambivert.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know that I still need to do an episode on ambiverts because that's a thing a lot of people don't understand.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So yes, in smaller groups I prefer a social situation.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: There are times where I can't control that.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, I really can't control that.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: But there's certain events that are limited to.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: You can kind of see how many people are going to be there and there's not a whole lot of people saying they're going to attend or going to be there in general or just don't show up.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: But I prefer the smaller groups, but I can't control that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: So there are times when there's more people than I'm expecting and have issues with.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I mean that could be involuntary or voluntary, like if I go to work and it's a busy day.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: It's just a busy day.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Well, I got to deal with all the different people, but there are ways to cope with that.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: And right now, though, I want to talk about choice, dealing with the stressful situations.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: There will be a lot of episodes for that, but I'm a firm believer of meditation.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: There are over 100 different types of meditation, so I would suggest checking something out like that.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: If you let me know that you want to hear some different types of meditation, I could do just a whole episode on the top 10.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if effective, popular, I don't even know what to call it Just top 10 meditations that are out there, probably the easiest, top 10 easiest meditations.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is the breathing one.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: There's a bunch of breathing ones, but yeah, the texture one All different types of self-awareness meditations out there.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I could do something like that.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Once again, the email address is aroundthekinkycampfire at yahoocom.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Email address is aroundthekinkycampfire at yahoocom.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: That is campfire with a K.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Everything is with a K Around the Kinky Campfire podcast, campfire Kingsters IG.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Go there and follow that and let me know what you think about different types of episodes and if you definitely have more questions or anything.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Message there, that is, campfires and kinksters with K's, all the different things with K's.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let me stop ranting here and actually get into the actual topic here.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I like to keep these shorter.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: If you guys, whoever's listening is the first time listening to one of these episodes, this is usually the shorter version.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: So I've got a few minutes here to talk about what the difference is between solitude and loneliness.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: So, definition Webster's Dictionary solitude.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Emphasis on voluntary.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Voluntary time where you choose to be alone.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It's a personal discipline or state of being that allows you to engage in self-reflection.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's a state of being, not a feeling.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: State of being.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: You are choosing this state of being, not a feeling, a state of being.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: You are choosing this state of being.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: You're choosing to be by yourself for probably a set amount of time.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I hope a set amount of time.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: That's what I do anyway.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I set amount of time to be voluntarily alone by myself so I can process things de-stress, regulate, all the different coping words that are out there and therapy.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: This is my time to do that.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: And I know some of you are asking oh, he's polyamorous, how does he do that?
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I have a schedule.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: It's called a Google Calendar.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I have dates by myself, I can have dates with partners, I can have dates by myself Delicious.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's what I'm setting time aside for Solitude.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: And I would argue I can be solitudinous in a state of solitude even in a public situation, like if I'm going to the grocery store by myself.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I can be 100% solitude because I don't have to interact with anybody if I don't want to.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Of course, you know driving and parking and going up and down the aisles and paying for stuff and asking questions of where this thing is in the grocery store and getting back in the car and driving home All those different things, different interactions but I would argue it's like being in a car.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: For me I can be in a car, in the car and out in the grocery store because there's like a little bubble If I don't wish to talk to anybody.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: There's plenty of times I've gone out in public and have not said a word to anybody Maybe the cashier, but there's so many self-checkout things nowadays and all the different things.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: You really don't have to say anything.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I can just kind of nod and be like mm-hmm and not say a word.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: So I would argue that you could be solitude in a public place.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I've gone out in a bar or club situation on a weekend night and haven't said anything, just grab a drink and then went on there.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Because you know, I've gone places where people know me and they just be like another and I'm like yep, all right, I don't even say yep, I just like mm-hmm and give a little head nod as a thank you and give them a tip, a tip, not the tip, although there are some boys, girls and others that I would give a tip to.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: You want a tip, I'll give you a tip and the tip, but anyways, gone out by myself and not said anything.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's a choice.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: It's a choice.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: That's basically what it is.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I'm choosing to not be sociable and just be out there by myself.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I'm a voyeur, so I just like watching different interactions.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: That is enough for me, entertaining for me.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: So when I go out, it's not to socialize all the time, it's just be around social situations.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I have no problem with that.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you get tired of staring at the same four walls.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: So solitude is good in that sense.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: You are choosing this, and the big other side of the solitude thing is another word in the title of this episode that I'm talking about and that is loneliness or being alone.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: It is keyword involuntary and also another keyword feeling.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So feeling versus a state of being usually accompanied with sadness because one has no meaningful relationships.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So that is involuntary.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Involuntarily, you are sad because you are alone, um, and uh, you didn't really choose that.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: So, as a practicer of solo polyamory, I do have this at times where I value my solitude so much that, um, it kind of bleeds over involuntarily where I would like to be preferably with a partner, um, and get my touch.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Time in schedule gets in the way.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Or you know you plan for something during the week and it's like, damn, this is a long week.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: It's one of those days where monday feels like wednesday, or wednesday feels like a monday or something.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: The time continuum's all jacked up and you know you find yourself, uh, feeling lonely with, uh, nothing going on for the rest of the day and it's like, damn, I didn't plan this correctly, uh.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, sadness from being alone, uh, loneliness, um, that's just something that happens with the territory and this lifestyle that I've chosen, but I'm just comfortable with it that sometimes you just feel sad from being alone.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That's part of the road.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I just value my solitude so much that sometimes that happens.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Solopoly.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I don't do nesting partners as of right now, and that's just that's part of it.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm here for the people, make people aware that it is a feeling, and for those of you that feel loneliness, feel sadness because you're alone too often, there's ways to take care of this and also to make you aware that this is a thing a lot of people feel.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: The social medias will have you believe, and I even think there's some actual studies.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: So whether you're one of those people that goes off of feelings and beliefs versus actual facts, in this case it actually aligns.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: The admittance of people nowadays to having higher levels of loneliness out there has gone up.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: People don't know how to socialize anymore, whether it's due to a pandemic or something else.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: The social skills of people are not there.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: So that's why I wanted to do this episode is to let people know that it is a thing.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Let's see how can we get out of that.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: So you've got to find your own motivation.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: That's the first step.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: But motivate you don't so when you're practicing something as you want to change a habit.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: So let's just say you're used to being alone and feeling lonely.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: We have to make a habit of being actively, more social.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: But you have to determine what your motivation is.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I know for me, my motivation is a set schedule.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: So if I say I'm going to do the social thing, it's on my calendar.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do that if I don't have any other, um more prior, more prioritized uh events going on.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: So somebody is in trouble, there's an emergency or whatever, or I get called into work or something like that.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I know for myself.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I need to have it on a schedule.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I don't do well with random out of the blue social situations.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I need to mentally prepare for that before I go and jump in and do the thing.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: So that's my motivation Having it on the calendar and saying I'm going to do this.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: However, I feel if I'm not like sick or something, that's different.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: If I'm feeling sick or I hurt myself because I did too many of the gym things which happens sometimes, which sucks, but if I'm just like, oh, I don't feel like doing it, no, that's not good enough of a reason, I put it on the schedule.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to stick to the schedule.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: That's part of my mental makeup that I need to have that motivation to do it Also, you know running away from the loneliness.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: So I know I need to be more social.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: How else are you going to find partners or friends if you're not being social?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: They don't just get dropped in your life.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: People don't just come knock on your door or whatever.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Hey, you want to be my friend?
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: No.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Hey, you want to fuck me?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: No, that's not how it works.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: You got to go find these people and being social, either virtually or in person.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I haven't really discriminated between that, because there's all kind of virtual meetups nowadays and there's the dating apps and stuff like that.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to find a partner, there's even friend apps too.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Having the motivation to go attend the social event you got to figure that out and I would argue that feelings are not good motivators for that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: You should be.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: If you want to, you should be doing this without the needing to feel like you can do it.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: You just go.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Everybody's shy, scared, all these different things.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Some actually admitted and I've seen before.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: You know, I go out to the thing.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I could die.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: You know, if you're driving anywhere in a car you could potentially not dare to, you might not be able, you might not make it.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: So there's all those kind of feelings.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Anxiety is a thing, but if you want to make connections with people, you're going to have to go to the thing, whatever, log into the virtual event, whatever it is.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Feelings should not be motivations for making habits.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: It's not good, because there are times you just don't feel like into the virtual event, whatever it is.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Um, feelings should not be motivations for doing uh, making habits not good, because there are times you just don't feel like doing it and the way to make something is a habit.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: You got to keep doing it over and over again.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: That's just how it is.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Um, the uh, the smart people, the doctors and such and such, and the people that do the research say it's like three weeks or something like that to make it something in a habit.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So, um, especially with the events, they don't come on, they don't happen on a regular basis.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you could find something literally every day night of the week, but, uh, you know it, it's gonna be tough doing that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I could do that.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: You gotta, you know, even with the financial thing, can't do stuff every day of the week.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: But I will argue that, uh, in order to make something happy, you have to keep doing it.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: So yeah, for me, feelings don't really work as a motivator, and the smart people seem to agree with that.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Let's see.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: And then it's been proven that loneliness reduces the longevity of life by 20%, or by 70%, sorry.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: And the combined total of smoking, which is 50%, and obesity, which is 20%, there's where the 20% is at.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: So both of those together, smoking and obesity we're talking about things that reduce the longevity of life Combined is equal to loneliness 70%.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy?
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: The stuff that reduces your longevity in life, the number one is loneliness, at 70%.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: It's actually feeling lonely in life actually reduces your lifespan.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Of all the things that reduce your lifespan, this is one of the most out there.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: It beats smoking and obesity.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: If anybody knows about all the different studies out there, smoking and obesity usually the hot topic words, and nobody knows that loneliness is beating those two, which is just crazy to me.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: So this is another reason why I wanted to do this episode, because people don't realize this.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Feelings of loneliness are out there.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: A lot of people have them.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: They reduce your life and there's things you can do to stop it.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: There's literally skills.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: It's a skill, social skills, that's what it's called.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Go out there and you don't even have to talk to people, just make yourself known in front of a person, that's it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Just go be there so that they recognize that you're there.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: That's it, just literally.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: That's all you need to do just on a regular basis.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Just make sure your presence is known in front of other people, and that's socializing.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: You know practice, little baby steps, baby steps.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: You got to baby step before you can run, you got to walk before you can run, all these different things.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: And it's funny because we're talking about the panini, the COVID panini that's out there, pandemic, whatever you want to call it now.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: So, like last year, almost exactly a year ago, that loneliness was declared an epidemic and we're a little bit behind compared to the rest of the world I'm talking about.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: This was declared an epidemic last year in the US.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: It's funny because countries like the UK and Japan have actual programs and heads of state Is a minister, a head of state, I don't even know.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Anyways, they're leading programs to combat loneliness in other countries and we're a little bit farther behind.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it was declared an epidemic.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: That was just crazy to me.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Another thing that's just crazy to me For a year now, it's been declared an epidemic.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: This is how many people have admitted to feelings of loneliness?
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: That has become an epidemic, and this is why I have to talk about this, because a lot of people don't know what loneliness is versus solitude, and I would argue that solitude leads to creative thinking and more productivity, because it is a choice.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: It is intentional time for you to be alone.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Some of us need that more than socializing, just to recollect ourselves and power us up for the more social stuff.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: So loneliness, bad Solitude, good for mental health.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Don't shorten your life because you're doing more loneliness when you could have done something about it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Thirsty, today, julius is talking more than he usually used to.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I'm very passionate about this subject.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's talk about the gooder stuff.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I guess the solitude identifying as like a loner.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people use this word nowadays.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I'm a loner, but what does it mean exactly?
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Those are the people that are choosing solitude and using it productively rather than unintentionally being by themselves.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: So loners there's different types, so let's go through those really quick.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: There is the intentional, positive loner choosing solitude for positive intentions.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: So usually it's more self-introspection, self-worth, trying to get rid of those bad habits.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: That's a good time to meditate and journal and all these different things so we can work on the bad stuff, so we can have better outcomes when we have these social interactions and relationships.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Yada, yada, yakety, shmackety.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: And then the next type is the intentional negative loner.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And then the next type is the intentional negative loner Chooses.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: They are actually choosing to look cool or suffer severe antisocialism.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: So that's where the motivation comes into play.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: You're trying to be cool in front of people, using the loner word, not necessarily as what it's intended to be, but that's another motivation for some people.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: You, you know, you're not really trying to focus on yourself so much.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: It's kind of an ego driven thing where you're just trying to look cool in front of people.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm a loner, I can do stuff by myself, but it's like what are you doing with that time by yourself?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: You just being antisocial on purpose just to look cool?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Like there's another motivation thing here.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: What are we doing here?
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: It should not be ego-driven, I would argue, and I know I do this myself.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I actually practice this when I'm by myself in solitude, lowering that ego.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: We don't want the big ego hanging out.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: You should not be doing stuff because other people's opinions matter to you.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know you can have like close ones opinions matter, but in general you should be doing stuff for yourself because you want to.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Other people's judgments and opinions should not affect your social life or life in general.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: And then another type of learner is the unintentional wants to socialize but doesn't do.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Lack of social skills.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: So once again here we're talking about social skills.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: You got to practice.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, everybody feels shy at some point.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Everybody gets nervous.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: What's that again?
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Social anxiety disorder?
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: That's a thing I think.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: People are diagnosing themselves incorrectly.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Anything with a big D at the end of it, you need to talk to a licensed physician.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: That's how you get diagnosed with stuff.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Stop self-diagnosing yourself.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: It is a social skill.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: You have to go out there and practice.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: People Practice, you have to practice.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: That's how it goes.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: It's a skill.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: You're not just going to be able to do this.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Nobody teaches this stuff.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Kids are just meant to fend for themselves in social situations.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, you can just talk to people.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: No, someone doesn't need to practice this stuff, otherwise you just turn out creepy or awkward, terrible.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Gotta practice Can't just not do it.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Just because you feel a certain way.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I understand it's scary.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Yes, I admit your feelings are a thing.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not here to invalidate people.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just because you feel a certain way shouldn't stop you from doing a thing Actions.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: It's action versus a feeling.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: You're doing stuff.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, once again, it is scary.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I get nervous too, every single time I do social situations.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to talk like I'm holier than thou or whatever.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I'm right there with y'all people.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I'm right down in there.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: I get nervous every single time but I still go do the thing because I know you got to move your feet forward in order to get these skills back up.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: That's how it works, okay.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: And then another type of learner is the short-term takes time off to enjoy solitude and then rest for short periods of time.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I would argue that I'm definitely a short-term person because when you're doing the social skills and you have the calendar and everything, you can't plan those type of things.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: As I said earlier, social events require other people and they have to get together and plan the thing and do the thing.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just like too much or too little.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: It's like it sucks.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: So I just take the time when there's a downtime to recharge my batteries and then hopefully I can find some time.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: If there's a, if there is a high amount of social situations, I can take time for myself to like chill out and relax and charge up my my batteries, while I can choose the solitude time.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: So even if there's a social thing going on, I can choose to like show up late or leave early, one of the two if I need to recharge my batteries, that's just part of the thing.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: You gotta be able to manage your um, your own um mental health during that time.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Uh, and then, lastly, state persists or gets worse.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: They think being alone is normal.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: So most of these, I would argue, are quote-unquote good, but the chronic loner, that's more so on the loneliness side.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: They think being alone is normal and this kind of qualifies as a loner in solitude, because I mean they're choosing to be alone in that case.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: But they think just being excess amounts of being alone is normal, and that's you know, it's kind of on you to decide what is normal exactly.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: So that's like quote unquote normal.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Uh, if you think most of your time is spent alone and you think that's normal, I mean that's on you to figure out there alone and you think that's normal.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's on you to figure out there.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I know for myself it's hard to comment because I don't even know what a good amount of time being in my solitude versus being social is.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: So that's why I have my motivations.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I mean I even have a second job just to force myself to be in social situations because I'm not sure what percentage is good for me.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: So I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Let's test it, why not?
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be here, hopefully for a while, so let's see and try to figure it out.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I mean it also changes.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: The seasons make it change.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: The temperature makes it change.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Rainy versus sunny makes it change.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: If this is a rainy, cold day and the wind's blowing, I have no problem staying home.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I can recharge my batteries.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: It's like perfect Nature wants me to stay here and I'm going to Back to my bed under the blanket.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I know I've been in this state where I thought being alone was normal.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: I know, especially before I got into poly, I was like, oh gosh, I'm just going to be by myself for the rest of my life.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: But I still have not figured out now in this state, like what's a good balance?
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: So, chronic loneliness, chronic, yeah loneliness, chronic loner-ism, chronic lonerness is definitely a thing I don't know.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I've been there by myself.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: So, speaking of this, let's dive down into the depths a little bit deeper.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about types of loneliness.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, so there is the first of all, the emotional absence from someone very close to that person.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: So I would say this is like different rings, so you have your different zones or circles, whatever you want to call that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: It's like this is a philosophical part of Julius here, um, and it's like this is a philosophical part of Julius here, um, zone number one is that you're a close circle, um, these are the people that your partner, um close family members, like parents and siblings, and then maybe like a best friend, might be able to get in there.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: You have best friends.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: Those are your close knit circle.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Those are your ride or die people.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Those are the people you'll take a bullet for, you'll give a kidney to yada yada, yakety shmackety.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I'll donate some semen if you need a baby, those kind of things, donate blood, all that different thing.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: So these are the people your ride or dies, and hopefully most people I hope.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I don't really believe in prayer, but I'm crossing my fingers for you.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: I'm even crossing my legs I don't know what it is.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping that you have these people in your life.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: You have a fairly extensive inner circle.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: So if you're not one of those people that's defined as an emotional loneliness state, that's very sad for you.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I'm very, very, very sad for you.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: This is why we're here to hopefully make you aware that this is a thing and then you can hopefully build the skills.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Which I'll definitely talk about in another episode is social skills and how we start practicing those things.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: It's going to be very simple, very step-by-step process.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Not going to be easy, though.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: The difference between simple and easy.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: It's not easy because you got to motivation Once again, get out there and do the thing.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be because you're gonna have all kinds of feelings.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: It's going to be like a huge, freaking Mount Everest type thing.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: I know because I go through it myself.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: We've got to climb that wall, mountain, whatever it is, get to that social situation on a regular basis, so it's not as scary and anxiety raising.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: But yeah, if you're one of these emotional lonely people, then I feel bad for you because we've got to work on that, okay.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: The next one is the social um, lack of social corrections, um, so this is more so in the um zone two and three.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: So your circle, you, so you have like your inner circle and then this is the next circle out after that.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: So the like the mid circle, which is weird because it's not really a hard line um, once you get to like zone three, or circle outer circle type people, which let me explain what the mid level circle is or zone two, these are people that are like your coworkers and everyday friends or social friends or whatever.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: These are the people you know but you don't really hang out with like your best friends.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: You don't tell them everything but you will, you know, maybe go grab a bite to eat with them, but you'll definitely see them at all the social events and be like, hey, I'm going here, I want to meet up or whatever, but you're not inviting them to your house like your inner circle people.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: So those are the mid-zone people.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And then you have zone three or your outer circle people.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Those are definitely the people you remember their face or their name, but not like both.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: You see them, their acquaintances or the couriers you like say what's up to you, know who they are, but you don't really know anything about them, except for they'll be there at your job Usually most of the time.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Um, these are definitely not people you would go have one-on-one dinner with.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: You might see them at a public event somewhere or or like a public dungeon or a munch or something.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Um, but yeah, these people, people you don't really know.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: So that's the social loneliness.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: You don't really have a lot of those people.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: So it's like lack of connection with all these different circles that you are in.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: So just picture yourself like the nucleus of an atom and these are all the electrons floating around, all the different connections.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: You have the ones that are really close to you.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I forgot what it was Chemistry.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I failed at chemistry.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: It's like the only subject I ever failed in was chemistry on my years of schooling.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so you have the inner cloud, the mid-level cloud, and then everything else, and then, lastly, for types of loneliness, you have the existential.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: So this is like the universe is playing games with me, or I have bad luck or good luck or whatever.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: That's the existential stuff.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: So, whether you're spiritual or religious, not really for the agnostic, science-y type people, the Westerners that just believe in facts and stuff.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I'm very much a spiritual person.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I believe there's another layer up there of stuff going on.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: There's no specific God, it's just a being and stuff moves and the law of attraction is real and everything like that.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: This is the existential loneliness.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: These are the people who just feel like the universe is against them, the black pillars out there.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: They use the generalizations.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: All women are this.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, sure, whatever, buddy, this is the stuff we're talking about here, the existential version of this.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty much the different types of loners and the types of loneliness here.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: So let me talk about real quick if you want to become a loner which I'll definitely do a deep dive in this subject some more, because I believe in a degree of loner-ness and I am a huge, huge advocate for solitude Please find times to be by yourself and reconnect, and you know old Julius is a big advocate for meditation.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Depending on which one you want, this is the time to do that.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: But if you want to become a loner big, huge, number, one step.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to go through a few key points here real quick because we're running out of time.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: One huge step is definitely disconnect from the digital world.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Y'all stop scrolling on social media.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Doom scrolling is a thing.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Stop doing that, just be bored.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: How about that Boredom?
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Oh darn things.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Stop doing that, just be bored.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: How about that Boredom?
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Oh darn, you're bored.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: You have to sit there by yourself for five minutes.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Leave your phone out of the bathroom and leave it out of the bedroom.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Just take your shits.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Diarrheas, whatever it is.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: I'm a big old food allergy kid, so it just comes slushing out of there sometimes.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah, don't do scroll, especially when you're supposed to be going to sleep.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: That's horrible.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Let yourself go to sleep.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Do the phone time thing?
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: There's apps for this that tell you you're on your phone too much.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Just put your phone down, stop using it.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: There's stuff that metrics for how much time you're on your phone.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Good Lord almighty, stop doom scrolling.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: Also, another thing just go out and be alone.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Nature, the bar, wherever, social thing.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: I frequently go to events by myself.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: I have no problem with that.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: Whether friends are going to be there, meet me there, go together, whatever.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I have no problem going to a place and just meeting new people.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: And I've just been in my area so much now that even if I go to a social event I don't know, just knowing people.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, do not be afraid to go places alone.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: I know it's scary, but, goodness gracious, just go be by yourself, it's fine, you will survive.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: Hopefully, most of the time there's a huge generalization, but in most cases you'll survive the social thing and make it home Even if you go for like five minutes.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: That's a win.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: That's different than what you did yesterday.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's how you build habits.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: You go, try to do the thing, do it on a regular basis.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: But it never said how much you know.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: Just do baby steps.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: I go out to a social event and I have no problem being like, oh, I'm done, after 30 minutes I'm going to go home, that's it.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: You can do that.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: That's how you start out.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: It's called baby steps.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Got to walk before, so that's one way to do it.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: Also, another thing I'm a loner and another thing I'm a big advocate on is invest time on physical and mental activity.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: So go be active physically, go on a walk for like 30 minutes, something.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: All these things help you be in your solitude by yourself and also help your mental state.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: And then another thing with mental activity.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Try to learn something new, not every day, at least every other day.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: This is literally a thing, people, if you don't use it, you will lose it.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: And when they're talking, when they say that, they mean your mental activity, it is proven.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: There's the smart people out there Once again doctors, researchers that say if you do not use your brain, you will lose it.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: The one number one way to stop dementia, which a lot of people are having nowadays, or whatever, is to learn something new.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: They say that Learn something new.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: Goodness, there's so much stuff out there in the world to learn about.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: All you got to do to stop dementia is to learn something new.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Done, I can do that, real simple.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Also, another thing is in your leisure time.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: So when you're not working and you have time, instead of just streaming another show, how about you go do a hobby, learn more skills?
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Hey, there's that word again, big old S word Skills.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Go learn a skill, go be part of something, join a league or something, find a hobby Of all the things here in America that we can do.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know what country you're in, but I'm just going to assume in most countries there's activities that you can do outside the house with a group of people.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: And also I mean you could do like art or whatever, but there's a group of people.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: I mean there's knitting groups out there.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: There's literally groups of people that just get together and knit.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: There's something for everybody if you're willing to go look at it, and there's something for everybody if you're willing to go look at it.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: And then also journaling I don't know if I said this already but yeah, journaling, just marking down what you've done for the day, it really helps with recollection.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: It makes it so you can remember stuff for longer periods of time.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: It helps that long-term memory.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: So it gets it out of the short-term memory into the long-term memory, which also helps against stuff like dementia.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: And also I would say that in your solitude is a good time to acknowledge flaws and work on them.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: So if you want to do that with loners, specifically set up time to acknowledge the stuff that you've done.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: First of all, forgive yourself and then show gratitude for yourself that you're actually working on the thing and then start to work on those things.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: And once again, meditation helps with that and it's easier to do when you're by yourself.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: So some key steps to being loners.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: Probably talk about that more in the future, which is definitely going to be a thing.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: And then real quickly, real quick I keep saying real quick some solutions for loneliness.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: If you're having issues of being alone too much and you're definitely sad about it, one thing you can do is connect back with people.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: So just work through your old connections, people you wanted to talk to on a regular basis and you just haven't, just shoot them a text, give them a call, whatever floats your boat.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Trying to connect with people always helps.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: And, once again, you can always go to a social event, ask for help.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: So this is more on the professional side or kind of more.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: This is leaning more into the more professional side, but hopefully you have like friends or family members you can ask for help.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Hey there's, I'm feeling too alone.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: You tell them about it.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Hopefully they can help you through it.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: They have steps for you to remedy the situation or, if they're like a really good friend, they'll join you at a social thing and help you out so you don't have to be by yourself.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: And then also, like I said, professional help.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: If you do need professional help, go and look for a good therapist.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: I've had my ups and downs with therapy.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: So not that great with recommendations.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: But I will say in general therapy does help.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: I know personally from experience.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: It's not like a zero, something like I in therapy and it didn't help at all.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: It just didn't help as much as I would have thought or have liked it to, but it does help at least a little bit.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Um, and then you just spend time outside the house in general, if nothing else, like I said, go on like a 30 minute walk, go out there and touch nature.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: So they just like touch grass, touch a tree or something, walk around barefoot for a little bit on non-pavement, so the ground.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Once again, the smart people, the doctors and the researchers, actually say that does help.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Getting in touch, literally getting in touch with nature, helps, helps your mental state.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Also.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: The sun, the sun, praise the sun.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Time in the sun, not too much time, because you don't want to get skin cancer.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Time in the sun is a thing to help your mental state.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: They say at least 30 minutes, no longer than two hours, unless you got like sunblock on.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: That time helps.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I will tell you that right now that they say that, Don't listen to me, I'm getting this straight from the research.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I'm literally just passing it along.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: So do your own research on that.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: Don't listen to me, I'm just passing along information.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: Time in the sun, touching nature helps.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, get work done to feel accomplished.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: So, basically, do something like, even when you get up in the day and you make your bed, that right there, making your bed in the morning makes your whole day more productive.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: They say the number one reason for insomnia is that you feel unaccomplished for your day, like you didn't actually do something.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Start the day off, right, just make your bed, that's it.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I know some people are like I got to get up and iron clothes and do some stretches and work out or whatever.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Literally, just make your bed, that's it.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: If you don't do that on a regular basis, just make your bed, see how you feel.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: For like a week I would argue two to three weeks, but whatever Just do it for a week, three days, whatever, and you already feel accomplished.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Just take time to notice If you're staying up at night and you've got a lot of insomnia unless it's actually a medical condition, you have trouble going to sleep and staying asleep, probably because you didn't feel accomplished for the day.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I learned that recently and I'm like, oh, that fits, that makes a lot of sense.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: So now that I've done more content creation and I've done stuff during the day, if I haven't done some kind of form of content creation, I will stay up in bed.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: I will literally stay up in bed and toss and turn because I don't feel accomplished.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: Got to feel accomplished.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: So when you're finding a hobby or something or you're doing a big project at work or whatever it is, just do something to feel accomplished for the day.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: If you have to do something as a hobby and make up something for yourself, you know kind of like what old Julius had to do that helps with the sleeping.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: So just to let you know, and then doing stuff like this, especially if you can find a good hobby with other people that are interested in the same thing as you do, oh, it's like a creme de la creme.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: Right there you feel accomplished and you made a social connection.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Boom, you're done.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: That's what Julius is here, make you all aware.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: But anyways, that's it for now.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: This is another episode of the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: These come in between the regular episodes of Around the Kinky Campfire every second and fourth Thursdays of the month, or when I can or when we can do that, but in the meantime, there's the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you all enjoy this.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: Please let me know Like these things, rate these episodes and share them with other people.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: And then come to the Instagram CampfireKingsters, kingsters, camp, campfire, campfire with a K on IG.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Let me know what you think and then email me around the kinky campfire at Yahoo.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: All the different things, but for now this is El Comidon, the cuddle gigolo, hh Julius, another episode done and done and hello.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: It's another episode of Done and Done and hello.