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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: On Owning Your 'No' & Healthy Boundaries · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, Emily ABOUDI here coming to you, not from
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: the AG studio. I'm actually sitting in what may be
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: the most comfortable hotel. I'm at a ranch. I'm at
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: a ranch in Moab, Utah, while I am recording this,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and this may be the most comfortable bed next to
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: my bed in Brooklyn, like so comfortable that every morning
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: when I get up to grab my journal and grab
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: my coffee, I have looked forward to getting back into bed.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I also think that this has something to do with
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  Speaker 1: the fact that I'm sitting here staring at a TV
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  Speaker 1: that's on mute while I record this, and I don't
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: have a TV.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: In my bedroom back at home, so it just feels
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  Speaker 2: all sorts of cozy.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I digress. Like I said, I'm out in Utah. I'm
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: in Moab. I've been here since Tuesday. This whole month,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I am in and out of Brooklyn like crazy. I
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: was in La and then I came here to Utah.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Next week, I'm going to be in Boston for the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: full week leading up to the marathon, starting on Tuesday.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to be hosting two live events. If you're
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: going to be in Boston, I would love for you
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  Speaker 1: to come. I'm going to put the links to the
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: event Pride pages for both of those events in the
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: show notes, as long as I have them by the
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: time I have to publish this. I'm waiting on one
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: right now, but one's going to be on Thursday night
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  Speaker 1: and one's gonna be on Saturday night. Okay, Now done
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: with the housekeeping I mentioned. I'm here in Moab, then
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I go to Boston, then I go to Portland for work,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: and last I go to Germany for work. It is
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of in and out. And I did something
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: yesterday that I was really proud of. I was speaking
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: to my dad on the phone. We were talking about
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: all of this travel, and he asked me, since I'm
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: going to be out of town for Easter next weekend.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: My dad's Catholic, he asked me if I wanted to
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: do like lunch or something over the weekend. And my
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  Speaker 1: immediate reaction was, I would love to see you, but
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  Speaker 1: I can only see you if you want to come
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: to Brooklyn. And sometimes I hear myself say things and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I think of Emily now versus old Emily, and something
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  Speaker 1: that really I struggled with when I was traveling a
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  Speaker 1: lot pre pandemic is that I didn't know how to
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  Speaker 1: say no. What I mean by that is I would
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: want to do absolutely everything so much so that I
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: would get to the point of burnout. So maybe I
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: only had two or three days in town between work trips,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: but a friend wanted to work out really early the
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: day after I got back from a flight that landed
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  Speaker 1: at eleven forty five at JFK Airport. Or maybe I
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: had potential opportunities to go to dinner with friends, and
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  Speaker 1: instead of owning my no and staying home and just
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  Speaker 1: retreating and like taking some time for myself, which I
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: desperately needed, I would just be on the yes bandwagon.
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  Speaker 1: And so I heard myself say that to my dad
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  Speaker 1: on the phone yesterday, and he knew that he knows
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  Speaker 1: that I want to see him, but I just had
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  Speaker 1: to put down a boundary. I'm like, listen, I'm only
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: in Brooklyn for an amount of days I can count
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  Speaker 1: what feels like on one hand this month. I'm very
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: grateful for all of these opportunities that are coming my way,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: but that means that I want to be in Brooklyn
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  Speaker 1: for when I can be this month. So again, if
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you're willing to come to me. I would love to
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  Speaker 1: have lunch with you, i would love to spend time
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  Speaker 1: with you, but I've just got to be in stillness
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: while I can be. And he respected that, and I
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: think sometimes, you know, that's a lesson with boundaries. It's like,
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  Speaker 1: if something is new, or if something may not be
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  Speaker 1: what somebody else wants to hear, even though you're doing
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  Speaker 1: what you need for yourself, you feel a little unnerved
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  Speaker 1: to enforce them. But then think about the aftermath, right, Like, yes,
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  Speaker 1: there's that initial hurdle of dealing with the emotions that
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: may go hand in hand with not telling someone what
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  Speaker 1: they want to hear, But then there is the moment
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  Speaker 1: where you realize that you did something good for you,
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  Speaker 1: You did the thing that you needed to do to
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  Speaker 1: feel your best. So yeah, this week, I was just
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  Speaker 1: thinking a lot about boundaries and how far I've come
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  Speaker 1: in my personal journey to owning mine. And I do
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  Speaker 1: feel like this warrants. I don't know if disclaimer is
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  Speaker 1: the right word, but a little bit of a caveat
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  Speaker 1: here in that you may have a boundary that you're
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  Speaker 1: really good at executing on, but there are going to
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  Speaker 1: be circumstances or moments that sometimes you flex that boundary
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  Speaker 1: that comes with compassion, that comes with you know, scheduling,
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  Speaker 1: whatever it may be. Know that just because you flex
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  Speaker 1: on something once doesn't mean that you have to continually
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  Speaker 1: flex on it for the rest of time. Life is
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  Speaker 1: a series of decisions, and you are in the driver's
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  Speaker 1: seat of what happens going forward. So own your no,
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  Speaker 1: be protective of your yes, and do whatever you've got
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  Speaker 1: to do to feel happy and good in your body
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  Speaker 1: and your decisions. My prompter you this week, what is
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  Speaker 1: one boundary that you have put into place that has
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: made you better? What is one boundary that you have
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: put into place that makes you better. Maybe it's being
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: protective over your morning routine. Perhaps it is a no
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: technology in the bedroom kind of moment. I'd be curious, Actually,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: if you don't mind, If you've got a boundary you
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  Speaker 1: want to share with me, throw it on Instagram, tag
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  Speaker 1: me over at Hurdle podcast and at thee A body
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: and now a listener question.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: Hi Emily, my name is Natalie, longtime Hurdle listener, and
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  Speaker 3: my question for you is about alcohol. So I'm a
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  Speaker 3: senior in college. My last semester has been quite fun
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  Speaker 3: but at the same time, me and my friends are
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  Speaker 3: going out all the time. I'm going to be going
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: into a corporate work environment with tons of happy hours
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  Speaker 3: and basically an opportunity to drink at almost any day
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: of the week at any time, which has been really fun.
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  Speaker 3: But also I'm a runner. I have a lot of
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  Speaker 3: fitness goals, and so it doesn't always align with my goals.
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  Speaker 3: I see so many fitness professionals are very one or
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  Speaker 3: the other with alcohol. They're either you know, they drink
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  Speaker 3: and are like about balance and moderation, or they are
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: pretty much like, don't drink, it's really bad for your health.
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  Speaker 3: So how do you approach alcohol and also working towards
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  Speaker 3: your goal?
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Thanks oh to be back graduating college, Natalie.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks for being a hurdler, and congrats on having a
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: job lined up. This is really exciting, man.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I feel like I should have an expert
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  Speaker 1: come on the show to talk about drinking. I'm mentally
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  Speaker 1: making a note of this. I would say that it's
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  Speaker 1: been an interesting time for me for sure with alcohol,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: especially over the last couple of years. I think so
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: many of us were making jokes about it at first
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: when it came to the pandemic. But for a long time,
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  Speaker 1: you know, during the workday, I was like waiting with
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: baited breath for the moment that it would be like
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: happy hour at five point thirty or six o'clock and
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  Speaker 1: I would like get onto Zoom with one of my
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: parents or a friend and we would like sip a
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  Speaker 1: cocktail together. And like many of you listening to this,
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure I remember there was a time period of
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  Speaker 1: the pandemic where I couldn't remember the last day that
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a drink. I'm of the mindset that
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: you've got to do whatever feels right for you. And
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: although I know, from you know, the research that I've done,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: from the conversations that I've had with experts, that drinking
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  Speaker 1: to excess will never be in service to your body,
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  Speaker 1: I'm at a place where having a cocktail every now
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  Speaker 1: and again is just part of what makes me feel
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  Speaker 1: like me. I really enjoy drinking, and I have really
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  Speaker 1: dialed in on what drinks I want to drink, rather
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: than just drinking to drink, which I think was something
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  Speaker 1: that when I was young in corporate, you know, fresh
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  Speaker 1: out of college, working as an intern in New York City,
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  Speaker 1: I would just like go out and slam drinks because
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  Speaker 1: it felt like the thing that I was supposed to do.
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  Speaker 1: But as I've gotten older, I'll be focused on having one,
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  Speaker 1: maybe two drinks and making sure that they are drinks
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  Speaker 1: that I really want to be consuming. So maybe that's
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  Speaker 1: like a really nice glass of whiskey or really nice wine.
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  Speaker 1: At the beginning of the year, when I was talking
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: to a girlfriend about how we both wanted to cut
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  Speaker 1: back a little bit on our alcohol consumption, one of
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  Speaker 1: our tools that we shared with one another is that
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  Speaker 1: we wanted to invest more in good drinks, meaning like,
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  Speaker 1: instead of just getting a lower price whiskey, I'm going
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: to invest in a really good whiskey. I'm really really
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: big on this brand of whiskey right now called Four Roses,
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  Speaker 1: and I love pouring just a little bit of four
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  Speaker 1: Roses with a little bit of an orange peel.
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  Speaker 2: And that's like my little treat at the end of
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  Speaker 2: the day.
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  Speaker 1: That's a lot different, say than you know, buying a
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  Speaker 1: cheap twelve dollars bottle of wine from the store and
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  Speaker 1: not feeling as nervous about drinking maybe one to even
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  Speaker 1: you know, the rare three glasses at the end of
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  Speaker 1: the day because that twelve dollars. You know, it's no sweat, right,
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  Speaker 1: or it's less of a big deal to consume something
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  Speaker 1: that costs twelve dollars than to consume something that costs
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  Speaker 1: fifty or sixty.
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  Speaker 2: Dollars when you buy it.
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  Speaker 1: So that's a tool that I've view used to be
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  Speaker 1: a little bit more cognizant of what I'm putting in
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  Speaker 1: my body. Now when it comes to performance goals, you
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: really have to ask yourself, you know, what is the
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: opportunity costs that I am willing to undergo when it
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  Speaker 1: comes to going after the things that I want. There
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  Speaker 1: is going to be some opportunity cost when it comes
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  Speaker 1: to alcohol consumption. If you're going to be getting up
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  Speaker 1: early and running and you want to feel good doing that.
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  Speaker 1: So if you're in an environment where a lot of
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  Speaker 1: people are drinking and maybe you don't want to be,
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  Speaker 1: but you don't want to miss out on the social
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  Speaker 1: side of that, I get it. I've been there. I
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  Speaker 1: am really really big on getting a Seltzer water with
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  Speaker 1: lemon or lime for me, just the act of drinking something.
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  Speaker 1: I really really noticed that, and honestly, no one's going
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  Speaker 1: to look at you differently as though you maybe were
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  Speaker 1: drinking a vaka soda. I realize that it's really just
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  Speaker 1: about holding something in my hand to feel cool in
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  Speaker 1: that situation, and it's not necessarily like I need to
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  Speaker 1: be holding an alcoholic beverage in my hand. I do
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  Speaker 1: have a fair share of people in my life that
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: either don't drink or don't drink often, and I really
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  Speaker 1: really respect them when they come out and they hang
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  Speaker 1: with everyone and they're just doing their thing, sticking to
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  Speaker 1: their boundaries as I just talked about at the top
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  Speaker 1: of this, and doing what they need to do to
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  Speaker 1: feel happy, not falling in or caving into peer pressure.
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  Speaker 1: So it's really going to come back to you, your gut,
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  Speaker 1: what's important to you. Don't let anyone make you feel
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  Speaker 1: some kind of way about sticking to your boundaries, just
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  Speaker 1: like with any habit, finding the right balance of what
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  Speaker 1: could be alcohol intake or you know, in so many
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: different situations, exercise hydration moderation with your food like it
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  Speaker 1: is something that you have to practice and with time,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I have no doubt that you will find the right
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  Speaker 1: balance for you. I am always hunting for listener questions.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: So if you heard that question and it made you
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: think of something that you wanted to ask me about
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: head on in to the show. Not so, it's a click,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: leave me a voice message. I would love to answer
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: your question on an upcoming episode of Five Minute Friday.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: That's it for now.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle Over at Hurdle podcast,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I am over at Emily a Body, Another hurdle conquered.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time