Latest / The Daily Sarcast / November 2nd, 2026: TraderTraitor, Chemical Margaritas And My Weekend

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November 2nd, 2026: TraderTraitor, Chemical Margaritas And My Weekend · The Daily Sarcast

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  When really what we should be doing is taking it out into the garden and smashing it with a shoe.
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  Charlie Brooker, the creator of Black Mirror, the modern day Twilight Zone,
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  talking about his Amazon Alexa after it updated and started speaking in a very
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  unsettling human voice.
• 2:20
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 2:25
  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is November 2nd, 2026.
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  Wow, it was quite the weekend here in New York City.
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  We had Halloween on Saturday, and then we had the marathon on Sunday.
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  And I so badly wish that I was wherever it happened at 4 a.m.
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  On Sunday morning when the partiers from Halloween, still in costume,
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  of course, were still out and about at 4 a.m.
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  And then they like literally crossed paths with the marathoners.
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  Like talk about going from like people who don't have their lives together there
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  at all to the people who have their lives together way too much.
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  Like, could you imagine if somebody like dressed up for the Halloween
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  and they dressed up like a runner and they were out partying all night and then
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  somehow we're still out and like end up running the marathon by accident or
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  like try to, but obviously they wouldn't make it very far.
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  That'd be kind of funny, but you know, obviously would never happen.
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  Anyway, so in real news, the largest cryptocurrency theft in history just happened last week.
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  These hackers stole approximately $6.3 billion from Binance,
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  the world's largest cryptocurrency exchange.
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  And obviously, it's like really crazy this all happened. But what's super crazy
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  is that it happened in exactly 20 minutes.
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  So the attack happened on Thursday, October 29th. And on Saturday,
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  the FBI officially confirmed that North Korea was responsible and said that
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  this operation was the work of a hacking group known as Trader Trader.
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  Like first it's spelled trader like when you trade stuff and then trader like
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  the trader show like you have to admit that's like a great hacking group name trader trader,
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  no i'm not saying what north korea did was good or anything
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  but you know whatever anyway but if you're wondering what binance is it's basically
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  this like giant online marketplace where people go to buy sell and store their
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  cryptocurrency like you know bitcoin or ethereum or dogecoin or whatever they have now,
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  it's kind of like the stock exchange but it's just crypto so these hackers were able to take 6.36.
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  Billion out of binance wallets across 10 different blockchains,
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  and you can think of a blockchain as this giant digital ledger that records
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  cryptocurrency transactions there are so many different networks there but the
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  hackers were able to move the stolen money across 10 of them,
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  so they didn't just steal billions of dollars they were able to access,
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  a lot of like very intricate things,
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  and it's currently being investigated on how that exactly happened,
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  so trader trader is the north korean state-linked hacking operation and they
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  have been connected to a lot of big cryptocurrency thefts,
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  like they stole 1.5 billion from another cryptocurrency exchange,
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  Bybit, back in February of 25.
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  North Korea has developed a very lucrative side hustle.
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  The FBI thinks that North Korea
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  is doing this to get money for their government and weapons programs.
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  So when the hackers took the money, they tried to make it obviously really hard for us to get it back.
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  But right now, the FBI, Secret Service and IRS are working with these crypto
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  companies to try and get the money back. And there is some good news here.
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  Binance says they have managed to freeze $3 billion of the stolen money.
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  And the company says it's also going to cover the financial losses itself rather
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  than making the customers lose the money which is like that sucks for Binance
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  but like great for the people who lost their money.
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  But as of Sunday Binance says that it has already gotten back 95% of the money
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  so like that's good for them right they're only a 5% loss which is still a lot
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  of money when you're talking about billions of dollars,
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  so this hack happened within 20 minutes 6.3 billion dollars and I still get
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  locked out of my Gmail when I literally have the same passport for everything.
• 6:28
  And in news that sounds like a satire headline that is not, three customers
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  out of Chili's in Forest City, North Carolina, got chemical burns in and around
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  their mouths after drinking margaritas that have them made with an industrial
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  degreaser instead of sugar.
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  So here's how this one happened. There was this contractor there,
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  and he was power washing the outside of the restaurant last Monday.
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  And then for some reason, after he was done, he like handed a container of the
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  cleaning chemicals to an employee who worked at the Chili's.
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  And then the employee was like, I don't know what to do with this.
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  So just put the unlabeled container down and somehow it ended up inside of the bar area.
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  So two days later, a bartender was getting ready for lunch and found this container
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  and thought, well, this giant unlabeled container is definitely sugar.
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  So then three people ordered margaritas and the bartender just dipped the glasses
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  in this giant unlabeled container that they assumed was sugar and then served it to people.
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  So when the people drank their margaritas, they immediately started getting
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  burning in and around their mouths.
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  And they told the staff and they obviously went straight to the hospital.
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  So then it gets a little bit weirder. Two of the staff members were like,
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  hmm, that's kind of weird.
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  Why don't we see for ourselves what it is and just dip their finger on the sugar to try it?
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  Like you see people in pain. You're going to dip your finger.
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  It's like when the waitress tells you that it's hot and then you touch the plate
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  anyway. It's like, why are you doing that to yourself, you know?
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  So five people were treated at an urgent care and they were released after.
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  And the local health district immediately said the restaurant needs to stop
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  starving food right now and made them like clean the affected areas like everything
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  needed to be thoroughly cleaned right,
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  but also here's the next part to question the restaurant was allowed to reopen
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  again on thursday after the inspectors went through and said that it was all clean and good to go.
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  Chili was like, don't worry, this was like, this never happens here.
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  And we're like, not gonna let it happen again.
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  Okay, but also like, maybe try teaching your employees to not use unlabeled
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  containers and assume that it's salt or sugar.
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  And also maybe not put cleaning supplies near the bar.
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  I don't know. I'm not a restaurant consultant by any means. But those are just
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  some things that I thought of.
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  And like, look, I know we're all trying to save money here by eating at places
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  like Chili is where it's cheap, but I didn't realize the happy hour special
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  came with a complimentary chemical peel.
• 9:02
  Boston Logan International Airport is looking for a new voice,
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  and they have some pretty specific casting requirements.
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  You need to sound like you were born within five miles of downtown Boston.
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  So the Massachusetts Port Authority started this competition to find the airport's
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  new voice, specifically somebody with an authentic Boston accent who can welcome
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  travelers over the airport's loudspeakers,
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  more than 6 000 people auditioned for this and then there were eight finalists
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  even ben affleck got involved okay he did like a mock audition on jimmy kimmel
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  lab the other day he wasn't actually competing but still,
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  the current voice of the airport has been making announcements for nearly 25,
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  years so they're like over him and want to get replaced because obviously that's
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  the first thing that i'm sure needs to get replaced at that airport.
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  The new voice is going to be heard by more than 40 million people who pass through
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  Logan every year, making this potentially the most important job in Boston that
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  doesn't involve the Red Sox.
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  The winner of this competition will be announced on November 5th,
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  and the new voice is going to start appearing around the holidays.
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  It's very cool that Boston is doing this. New York would never.
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  They just yell over a loudspeaker whenever something's happening.
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  I guess whoever is closest to the button just yells.
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  I just want to know if the winner gets that full creative control over every
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  announcement and how often they're going to be saying it's wicked And lindsay
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  life my halloween was fun.
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  Thanks for asking. I went out with my roommate gabby She's home right now.
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  So that was fun because we're both never home at the same time And yesterday,
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  I was out with my friends for the marathon and I got to see like that very first
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  group of elite women runners out like running down first avenue like the women who
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  came like first second and third like literally like the very first runners
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  so that was cool to be able to see that i literally like got starstruck it was so fun,
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  but then it took forever to get home because you can't like i live in the upper
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  east and it's like really hard to cross over first avenue
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  with the marathon going on and this year was so packed that like they were literally
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  weren't letting anyone cross first avenue So I had to go take the train all
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  the way back downtown to like midtown and then come back up,
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  And then the bus like wasn't even coming So then I like met this other girl
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  her phone was on one percent, too Somehow we found each other,
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  And then she got invited into an uber that I didn't get invited to which was
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  fine I'm, not better about that at all like clearly,
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  And then this man that comes up to me.
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  And he was like, oh, like, are you waiting for the bus, too?
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  And he's like, I'm not doing this.
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  Like, you can get in my car because we were going to the same,
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  like, a few blocks away. He was like, you can get in my taxi.
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  Anyway, he was really nice. We shared a cab and he told me he would pay for
• 11:52
  it because, like, he literally was going to the same stop. Like,
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  we're literally the same block or whatever.
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  And then it turns out we, like, know all the same neighborhood people. So that was fun.
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  Oh, my God. He also asked me what school I went to. and I was like,
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  oh my God, thank you so much for that. I'm literally 31.
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  I should have played along and been like, I go to NYU and like see how far I
• 12:13
  could have gotten. But I love, I love that somebody thought I was 22.
• 12:18
  Okay, thing of the week this week is International Stress Awareness Week.
• 12:21
  So this week is International Stress Awareness Week, which makes me feel really seen.
• 12:26
  It starts today and goes through the 6th and Wednesday's actual stress awareness day.
• 12:31
  This whole thing was created by the International Stress Management Association
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  in the UK, and then they started the actual day in 98, and now it became an
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  international week in 2018.
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  So it's like a stress management organization decided we needed a week to think about stress.
• 12:47
  It kind of feels like a dentist creating national tooth pain week to think about
• 12:50
  all your tooth pains, but also remind you to go to the dentist,
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  which also got me thinking, like, who actually sets up these things?
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  Like, you don't need the United Nations. You literally just need to start calling it.
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  Like, the pasta industry has World Pasta Day. Plumbing has World Plumbing Day.
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  Coffee has International Coffee Day.
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  Like the pasta people literally just got together and decided the world needed
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  to celebrate pasta and obviously i support this,
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  but like how many of these awareness days are just industries creating their
• 13:18
  own holidays like it's hinge about to come out with national singles day where
• 13:23
  we all become very hyper aware for a single,
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  there isn't even an official count of how many of these days exist it's basically
• 13:30
  like the wild west of awareness anyway so this week you're supposed to be aware of your stress.
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  So be aware of it, but I probably won't do anything about it.
• 13:39
  Cooking tip of the day. A little garlic never hurt anyone unless you use too
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  much of it. Then it definitely will hurt someone.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a day,
• 13:49
  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
• 13:52
  Have a great Monday. I hope this was a great start to your week,
• 13:55
  and I will talk to you guys tomorrow.