Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Some People Won’t Like the Life You Choose | EP 333

Transcript

Some People Won’t Like the Life You Choose | EP 333 · Confident and Empowered Women

0:05
But friend, some people are not gonna like the life you choose, and woo, wouldn't it be convenient if everybody we love gathered around like the final scene of a Disney movie and said, "We support you.
0:17
Follow your heart."
0:19
Birds start singing.
0:20
Somebody's throwing glitter.
0:22
Even your mama says, "Whatever makes you happy, baby."
0:25
Girl, sometimes you choose yourself and somebody is mad.
0:30
Somebody's disappointed, stops calling as much.
0:34
Someone even says you've changed or starts reminding you of everything that could go wrong.
0:39
And now you're laying in bed at 2:13 AM thinking, "Dang, am I ruining my life or did Auntie just get in my head?"
0:49
And that's the part of choosing yourself that just doesn't get enough airtime because self-trust isn't just having the courage to make the choice, it's staying with yourself when somebody you love doesn't like the choice you made.
1:03
So let's get into it Welcome back, friend.
1:07
And if this is your first time here, hey, hey, hey, I'm Letitia, and this is where we talk about you, the woman underneath everything you do for everybody else.
1:17
Every week, we're peeling back another layer, remembering who you are underneath the roles, expectations, people-pleasing, and life that has been lifin', building your self-love, strengthening your self-trust, and learning how to lead yourself forward one decision, one conversation, or
1:36
one, girl, be for real, Moment at a time.
1:41
Because the goal around here isn't for me to tell you how to live your life, it's to help you hear yourself clearly enough that you know how you want to live it.
1:52
So if you like a little laughter with your life-changing conversations, friend, hit subscribe and come on in.
1:59
We've got plenty to talk about.
2:01
This is the get-together you actually look forward to Now friend, you know we talk a lot about choosing yourself.
2:10
Follow your heart, trust yourself, and yes, cheers to all that.
2:14
But can we talk about what happens at approximately 7:42 PM?
2:19
after you choose yourself and somebody you love is now disappointed in you because that part does not fit as nicely on the coffee mug.
2:28
You finally tell your family you're moving, you get silence.
2:33
You tell somebody you're leaving the career you've spent years building, and they ask you, "But why would you give all that up?"
2:41
You decide you don't want what everybody assumed you'd want.
2:46
You set the boundary, end the relationship, start the business.
2:49
Shoot, even close the business.
2:52
You decide you want more or less or simply different, And suddenly it's like all the air has been sucked out of the room.
3:01
That's when choosing yourself gets real, because sometimes you're not choosing between a good option and a bad option.
3:10
Sometimes you're choosing between what feels right for me and what the people I love wish I would choose.
3:16
And honestly, friend, that can hurt because you love these people.
3:21
You value their wisdom.
3:23
You don't wanna disappoint them, and you certainly don't wanna damage the relationship so when it's written all over their face and you don't have to say a word or their calls become less frequent or they start questioning your
3:35
decision, you may even start questioning it too And then that self-talk kicks in.
3:41
Maybe they're right.
3:42
Maybe I'm being selfish.
3:43
Maybe I should have listened.
3:45
Maybe I should just go back.
3:46
And before you know it, you're about to reverse Uno an entire life decision just because somebody hit you with a disappointed sigh.
3:58
Listen, we gotta talk about it, okay?
4:01
Because you need to know this going in.
4:04
When you change, everything else can change too because relationships develop patterns.
4:10
You know who I am, I know who you are, we know the dance, and then one person changes the choreography, and then it's like, "Now wait a minute."
4:22
You used to always say yes.
4:24
You used to come every time we called.
4:27
You always used to fix it.
4:29
You used to loan the money, swallow your feelings, make everybody comfortable.
4:34
You used to stay.
4:36
And now when you hit them with a no or I can't or that doesn't work for me and don't let you say that you changed your mind or you want something else cause that's when everybody starts looking around.
4:49
Who authorized this software update?
4:51
And now everybody's buffering.
4:57
And here's where the guilt sneaks in.
5:00
You feel bad because they're upset and now things aren't the same, or you feel bad because your choice affects somebody you love.
5:08
And sometimes guilt is appropriate.
5:11
If you've violated your values, harmed someone, acted reckless, look at that.
5:17
Own what belongs to you.
5:20
And also, sometimes you're feeling guilty simply because you did something different from what people expected you to do.
5:30
So ask yourself, "Am I feeling guilty because I violated my values or because I violated somebody else's expectations of me?"
5:40
Those are two very different things Now let's talk about the infamous and newest heavenly angel, Dolly Parton, who spent seven years performing with Porter Wagner.
5:52
That partnership mattered.
5:53
It helped introduce her to a huge audience.
5:56
They created successful music together.
5:59
There was history there, even gratitude and a relationship there.
6:04
But Dolly wanted to leave.
6:06
She wanted to build her solo career, and Porter didn't want her to.
6:10
Now, that is where I want us to stay for a minute because it's easy to look at everything that Dolly Parton built.
6:18
You know, Dolly, the icon, legend, Dollywood, with hair halfway to heaven long before she made it there.
6:27
We know how the story turned out But she didn't have all the evidence when she was standing at the decision.
6:34
She had to honor something she could see for herself that someone important to her didn't want her to choose.
6:41
And friend, you may find yourself there too.
6:45
You can be deeply grateful for what something has given you and still know you're ready to leave it.
6:51
You can love someone and know the relationship needs to change.
6:55
You can appreciate an opportunity and still know you've outgrown it.
7:00
Gratitude does not require you to stay somewhere forever Now, I'm gonna say this with so much love because not every objection is manipulation.
7:11
Sometimes people genuinely believe they're protecting you, and sometimes they like the arrangement.
7:18
Let's just tell the truth.
7:20
They like the version of you who always said yes.
7:24
They liked unlimited access to the fixer, the flexible, dependable one who didn't ask for much, the one who didn't make any waves, the one who could always be counted on to sacrifice herself because everybody knew, "Oh, she'll do
7:39
it."
7:40
Then one Tuesday, you decided, Actually, no.
7:44
And suddenly there's a disturbance in the force because your growth changed the benefits package, okay?
7:52
The person who could always call on you for money hears, "I can't do that."
7:56
The family that expects you to host everything hears, "Not this year."
8:01
The person who counted on you swallowing your feelings meets a boundary, and here comes, "Oh, you've changed."
8:09
Yes, that was always the assignment.
8:13
Friend, you are allowed to change, grow, and become less convenient.
8:18
Creating a life that feels like yours may mean retiring a version of yourself that worked beautifully for everybody except you.
8:28
And somebody may miss her.
8:30
That doesn't mean you have to go back to being her.
8:33
This is especially important if you spent years people-pleasing, Because listen, when you are accustomed to measuring your choices by everybody else's comfort, somebody Being unhappy with you can feel like an emergency.
8:49
You say no, and they're upset.
8:52
Instantly, your nervous system says, "Fix it!"
8:57
You make a decision, and mom doesn't approve.
9:00
Instantly, you wanna fix it.
9:02
Your friend thinks you made a mistake, your partner is disappointed, and urgently screaming inside is, "Fix it."
9:10
There may be genuinely something to repair, but sometimes nothing is broken.
9:16
You're simply experiencing the discomfort of allowing another grown human being to have feelings about a choice you made, okay?
9:25
they get to have their feelings.
9:27
You don't have to manage them out of those feelings so that you can feel okay about yourself again.
9:35
And this is where your relationship with yourself starts changing Perhaps historically, whenever somebody else became uncomfortable, you abandoned yourself to restore the peace.
9:46
You played it off like you were joking, started negotiating, or completely dismissed what you need in order to focus on doing what they need or want.
9:57
But this time, you stay.
9:59
Not with the forget everybody and I'm doing what I want attitude.
10:03
No, you listen, consider, check yourself even.
10:08
You pray.
10:09
You use wisdom.
10:11
And after all of that, if you still know what you know, you stay with yourself.
10:17
That's self-trust being built in real time And we don't have to downplay it because somebody may be warning you because they've lived through something similar, and their wisdom can be incredibly valuable.
10:31
Listen, if your friend started a business and lost 50K, friend, even I wanna hear that story, okay?
10:40
What happened?
10:41
What would you do differently?
10:42
What did you miss?
10:43
What should I know?
10:45
Give me the TED Talk.
10:47
But their experience is still their experience.
10:51
Different person, different circumstances, resources, support, different timing and decisions, totally different life.
11:01
Your mother may fear you leaving the secure job because she knows what financial instability feels like.
11:09
Your friend may tell you love isn't worth the risk because somebody broke her heart deeply.
11:15
Somebody may tell you not to move because they moved and hated it.
11:20
Their fear may come directly from love.
11:22
Honor the love without automatically adopting the fear.
11:27
Their experience is evidence of what happened to them.
11:31
It is not automatically a prophecy of what will happen to you.
11:35
And let's be clear, okay?
11:37
'Cause they may be right.
11:42
We are not doing delusional up in through here, okay?
11:48
Maybe they're right and you may be wrong, or you may be right and they may be wrong.
11:54
Everybody may be wrong and life can still come through door number four That none of us saw coming.
12:01
Hello, plot twist.
12:06
Self-trust doesn't mean believing you have magical access to the future.
12:11
It means I can listen to wisdom without assuming what somebody else knows is automatically more valuable than my own knowing.
12:21
That is what makes Dolly's story so good to me because she didn't leave Porter by saying, "Don't worry, I'm gonna become Dolly Parton, build Dollywood, write songs everybody loves, become an international icon, and one day Letitia is gonna
12:36
use this story on her podcast."
12:42
She did not have the whole story.
12:44
She had her knowing.
12:46
And when she eventually wrote, "I will always love you," as her goodbye to Porter, there was something so powerful in that gesture.
12:56
I love you, I appreciate you, and I still need to go.
13:02
Those things can coexist because sometimes love or gratitude doesn't require you to stay.
13:09
Sometimes honoring what something meant to you includes knowing its season in your life has changed And listen, sometimes that's exactly why choosing yourself hurts, because you're not always leaving something terrible.
13:26
You may be leaving something good that is just no longer right for you And I already know how we get down.
13:35
You know we all love us a good win-win.
13:39
Everybody gets what they need, everybody leaves happy, we hug, and the credits roll.
13:44
And Beyoncé, sing something inspirational.
13:48
Beautiful.
13:49
But life doesn't always offer that as an option.
13:52
Sometimes they want you to stay, and you know you need to go.
13:57
They want access, you need space.
14:00
They want you to choose security.
14:02
Something in you keeps whispering, "There's more on the other side of this."
14:08
They want the version of you they've always known, and you cannot be her anymore.
14:14
Now what?
14:15
Sometimes there's no option where everybody is comfortable, and that's when you have to ask, "Whose disappointment am I willing to live with?"
14:25
Because if every decision is designed to prevent other people from ever being disappointed in you, eventually the person you repeatedly disappoint is you.
14:36
You tell yourself, Not now.
14:38
Don't make them mad.
14:40
Don't rock the boat.
14:41
They won't understand.
14:42
Just stay.
14:43
Just keep doing it and making everybody happy."
14:46
And every time your inner voice speaks up and you shut her down, eventually she gets quieter.
14:54
She doesn't necessarily disappear, but you've taught yourself when somebody else's opinion enters the room, yours leaves.
15:03
That's what we're changing right now And this right here is where faith matters deeply to me.
15:11
I believe there are things, God places on your heart that other people will not always understand.
15:17
Maybe your language is God.
15:19
Maybe it's source or universe.
15:21
I'm not here to tell you what your belief should be.
15:24
Whatever connects you to something greater than yourself is yours to honor.
15:31
And with that, there is a knowing, a desire that won't leave you alone, a direction that keeps calling, something you can share Even when nobody around you can see it yet.
15:43
And that's hard because naturally we want confirmation.
15:48
We want somebody to pop us in the arm and say, "Do you see it too?"
15:54
Sometimes they don't because they weren't given the vision, and Dolly couldn't hand a documentary of the next 50 years and say, "See, look, It's gonna work."
16:07
She had to move before she possessed all the proof, and sometimes so will you.
16:13
That doesn't make you reckless.
16:15
Please don't quit your job tomorrow because you saw a butterfly and decided it was a sign.
16:24
Listen, we are using all the wisdom.
16:26
We're praying, discerning.
16:28
We're looking at the finances and considering all those who could be affected, okay?
16:33
We're asking the good questions and making the plan.
16:37
But after you've done all that, this is where you resist that impulse to ask everybody and they mama to confirm something that has already been consistently whispered to you.
16:53
Your job isn't necessarily to convince everyone else of the vision.
16:59
Your job is to discern whether it's yours, and if it is, steward it Now we gotta talk about the fear underneath the fear, okay?
17:12
Cause what if they don't eventually say, "You know what?
17:15
You were right."
17:16
What if the relationship changes?
17:19
What if somebody keeps their distance or they never understand?
17:23
What if Thanksgiving is a little awkward?
17:26
What if they think you made the wrong choice forever?
17:30
Can you live with that?
17:32
Because sometimes we're secretly making our decisions based on an imaginary future where everybody eventually validates us.
17:42
You leave the career and become wildly successful.
17:46
See?
17:47
I told y'all.
17:48
You end the relationship and immediately meet the love of your life.
17:52
See?
17:53
This is what I was saying.
17:55
You move and suddenly you're living your best life overlooking the ocean with perfect lighting and you're like, "See?"
18:04
But what if your choice doesn't immediately produce proof?
18:09
What if the business takes time?
18:11
You're single a little while longer than you anticipated.
18:14
You move and realize you don't like it.
18:17
What if you change careers and discover, okay, this isn't it either.
18:23
Even with all the information in the world, even with all of the self-intelligence, the artificial intelligence, and everybody else's intelligence, you can still make a choice and not like it when you get there.
18:39
It can be different than what you imagined.
18:42
There's things living there no one had a clue about until you got in it.
18:48
And what's behind the curtain can be drastically different than what it looks like from the outside, and you don't like it.
18:57
Then what?
18:59
You choose again.
19:01
That's the part, friend.
19:03
Your decision does not have to become a lifelong defense exhibit proving you were right.
19:11
You are allowed to learn, pivot, and say, "Well, won't be doing that again."
19:18
Because even a choice you wouldn't repeat can teach you something invaluable.
19:25
And this is the part I really want you to lean into.
19:29
The reward of choosing yourself isn't, "Ha ha, everybody was wrong.
19:35
I was right."
19:39
Bragging rights is not the prize, okay?
19:42
Maybe to the petty part of you, but let's not let her gloat too much.
19:50
The prize is what choosing yourself builds inside of you.
19:55
Every time you listen to yourself, honor what you know, make a thoughtful choice, and stay with yourself through the consequences or the aftermath, every time you refuse to turn against yourself because someone else disagrees, you are teaching yourself,
20:14
when it matters, I will not leave me.
20:18
I have my own back.
20:20
Woo.
20:21
That's the reward because now you have a relationship with yourself where your voice matters, your desires, boundaries, and your calling matters, and even your mistakes become safer because you know I can learn from myself without turning against myself.
20:41
That right there, that's self-trust, self-love, and self-leadership.
20:47
That's why choosing yourself matters even when the choice doesn't produce the exact outcome you wanted.
20:54
You still build something.
20:57
You built trust with you If today's conversation has you realizing, "Okay, maybe I do need to spend a little less time taking on everybody else's stuff and a little more time hearing me," then I have something for you.
21:15
The main character energy journal prompts were created to help you get back in conversation with yourself.
21:22
These prompts help you explore what you want, what you believe, and what you are ready to leave behind, and who you wanna be in your own life.
21:32
Because sometimes you don't need another person giving you the answer.
21:36
You need a quiet minute, a blank page, and an honest conversation with yourself.
21:41
And these are perfect for you if you know you wanna have those deeper conversations with yourself but don't know where to begin or even what to ask.
21:51
No worries, friend, I got you.
21:53
I'll put the link in the show notes so you can go ahead and grab yours Okay, friend, let's do our favorite self-love two-step with the remix and bring it home, okay?
22:05
Step one, what do I know?
22:08
Before the committee meeting starts, get quiet, okay?
22:14
What do you know?
22:16
What keeps returning?
22:18
What do you want?
22:19
What feels off?
22:20
What feels alive?
22:22
What would you choose if nobody needed to approve it?
22:26
You don't have to make the decision yet, Just tell yourself the truth Step two, what am I afraid their reaction will mean?
22:36
Now, this is where you get specific.
22:38
Are you afraid they'll be angry, disappointed, withdraw, judge you, say, "I told you so," or think that you've changed?
22:48
Are you afraid choosing yourself will cost you the relationship?
22:52
Name it, because sometimes we're not actually afraid of the choice itself.
22:58
We're afraid of what the choice might change And today's you step, it's a little bit different 'cause I really want you to be specific here And ask, if choosing myself changed the relationship, how would I stay connected to
23:16
me through that change?
23:18
Not how would I make sure they're never upset, or how do I convince them that I'm right, or make everybody understand.
23:25
No, no, no, no, no.
23:26
That's not what this is.
23:28
This is for you.
23:29
How do I honor myself?
23:32
What do I need?
23:33
What do I want And then take the lead Now, let me pour into you right quick.
23:40
Friend, choosing yourself, it can feel scary precisely because you care.
23:46
You don't want to hurt or disappoint the people you love.
23:50
You don't want relationships to end, and sometimes you don't even want them to change.
23:55
You don't wanna be wrong, and maybe underneath all of that, you don't want choosing yourself to cost you love or relationships.
24:05
I get that.
24:07
And I also want you to remember, the love you are trying to protect cannot require you to disappear.
24:16
You are allowed to change, to evolve, or want something no one else can see yet.
24:22
You are allowed to honor the people who helped you get here without giving them ownership over where you go next.
24:30
Dolly could love Porter.
24:32
She could appreciate what those years gave her.
24:35
She could write one of the most beautiful goodbye songs ever written, and she could still leave because there was more life calling her forward And friend, there may be more life calling you forward too Maybe it's something God
24:51
placed on your heart and you can't completely explain it yet.
24:55
And maybe it doesn't quite fit everybody else's plan for you.
24:59
You don't have to know exactly how it ends.
25:02
You don't have to prove everybody wrong.
25:04
You don't even have to get every choice right.
25:08
Listen to wisdom, especially yours.
25:11
Listen to the people who love you, including you.
25:16
Listen to experience and data.
25:19
Pray, discern, consider the impact, and then come back home to you.
25:26
What do you know?
25:28
What do you value?
25:30
What does your heart keep saying?
25:33
Where do you feel divinely guided?
25:36
Maybe they'll understand one day, and maybe they won't.
25:39
Maybe you'll win or pivot.
25:41
Maybe you'll even learn one heck of a lesson.
25:45
But when it's all said and done, I want you to be able to look at yourself and know, "I listened to myself.
25:54
I chose me.
25:55
I did not leave myself behind just to make everybody else happy."
26:00
Every time you do that, you are building something nobody else's approval can ever give you, Your own knowing when it matters, you can count on yourself to choose you.
26:13
Friend, some people won't like the life that you choose, but you know who needs to?
26:18
The woman who has to live in it because at the end of the day, everybody is going back to live their life.
26:27
And they don't have to live yours.
26:29
So come back to you.
26:32
Hear you.
26:34
Trust you.
26:35
Choose you.
26:38
And whatever comes next, lead yourself forward Ooh, friend, look at you doing your work and everything.
26:50
Go ahead, tilt that crown, shoulders back.
26:54
Beautiful posture, nice and tall.
26:56
Deep breath in and let it out.
26:59
Really go long on that exhale, friend.
27:02
Now take the next step knowing you got you, and I'll meet you back here in the next episode.
27:10
Until next time friend, keep coming back to you