Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Find Your Why: How to Align Your Life with Your Core Values & Purpose with Melissa Crook

Transcript

Find Your Why: How to Align Your Life with Your Core Values & Purpose with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:12
  Hello Melissa Craig here with the Field podcast back with
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  someone on one time with me this week, but I hope you find
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  empowering and supportive. Today we're going to be touching
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  on using and utilizing and identifying your values, your
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  why, what lights you up, what gets you up every day and it
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  makes you feel excited to be alive, motivate you, gives you
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  something to feel purposeful around.
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  And so many times when we go to identify our values or our wire,
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  someone asked us that question. We're not even sure we haven't
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  stopped check in for a while. We followed a script that
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  society has told us it would lead us to success or happiness
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  or contentment, but we never stopped to consider if it's
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  actually what we care about, what we are passionate about,
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  what we're aligned with, and or even if we did start there, have
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  we generalized up lately? And so it's just, it's, it gives
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  you a compass, it gives you a foundation to operate from.
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  And it really helps you identify where you need healthy
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  boundaries, where you need to make shifts.
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  And you know, when your values are not in alignment, you feel
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  the angst in your soul. But so many times we push it
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  down, we push it back because it's inconvenient.
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  We don't think we have the time or we don't think it's a good
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  season to make a change for all kinds of reasons.
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  Supporting family, taking care of aging parents.
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  We just started a new job, whatever the case may be, or
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  we're just, it makes us feel uncomfortable to think about it.
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  But I, I, I know from my own experience that this has so
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  much, no pun intended, value. So I'm really going to challenge
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  you this week to consider this question and really identify
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  those values that why behind what lights you up every day and
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  see and check in if you're living your life in alignment
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  with that. Because this can give you such
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  a, like I said earlier, a great foundation to operate from to
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  know what to say yes and no to. If it's aligned with my values,
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  it's a yes. If it's not aligned with my
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  values, then it's going to have to be a no.
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  And it keeps us and protects us from abandoning ourselves and
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  getting outside of what we have have time for, what we have the
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  energy for around people and places and spaces that may not
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  be as healthy for us or we may not be healthy for them.
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  And you can go. You can go both ways.
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  So we're going to dive into that in this one-on-one conversation
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  today. So to start with, I want you to
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  think about, like I said earlier, do you know what your
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  why is, what your values are? If you have trouble with this,
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  go back and revisit where you set your boundaries and why you
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  set your boundaries there. We've had the boundaries
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  conversation a couple, a few times on here.
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  That's something I talked about for you regularly, but we really
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  visited it hardcore a couple weeks ago.
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  And so maybe going back to that and like, OK, I have these
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  boundaries here. Are they in alignment with my
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  values? Do I need to ship or I've got no
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  boundaries at all? So I really need to sit down
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  with myself and identify those values.
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  And it starts with those questions that we refer to
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  throughout this field framework of what like what fills my cup,
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  what activities nourish me? How would I describe myself?
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  And then from there, OK, know that I'm getting to know myself
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  in that way. How do I want to feel the next
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  six months? OK, that starts to tell you what
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  you value, what you care about, where you want to be spending
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  your time and energy, what makes you feel alive and focused and
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  purpose filled. And, and this just really helps
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  you name what you value. And it, like I said, it's
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  important to visit this regularly because our ages, our
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  seasons, our locations that we live, our partnerships, our
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  relationships, all of these things over time, whether we
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  have a job change, impact our values, or we just learn more,
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  life teaches us more. We have wisdom.
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  So then we realize, OK, I'm going to unlearn and relearn
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  some new things here. These all these things impact
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  what we value, what our values are.
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  And then there's many of us, there's some core values that
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  will always be a part of us and and that is true like I, I will
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  always have always and I'm confident I will always value
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  travel and all that I learned from it.
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  I have and always will be loyal that and that that's something
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  that's very inherent in me. I'm very passionate about women.
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  That's something that's very inherent in me.
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  But then how I show up in that value or whether there's others
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  that have been added or removed may shift over time.
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  So it's really important to revisit this.
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  There are this can even be more true for your why so your
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  values. Even if your values don't see a
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  lot of shifts, maybe your why behind them changes.
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  Pay attention to your titles, your roles, your locations,
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  changes that happen in the world, in your city and your
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  family dynamic knowledge that you've gained.
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  Like I said, those things you're unlearning and relearning and
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  gaining perspective on that have shifted.
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  That may impact OK, my why here for doing this before at least
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  because I was really aligned with this group.
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  Some things have shifted. I'm not as in alignment with
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  them anymore, so my why has shifted.
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  So how do I shift with that to match up my life with where I am
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  now, not where I was 5-10 years ago?
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  If you start feeling uneasy on how you're engaging with your
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  life, that's a clue that it's time to revisit this question.
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  This may also coincide with looking at things that nourish
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  you. Like I said earlier, if you're,
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  you know, revisit that. What nourishes me?
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  Has that changed? How do I describe myself?
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  What else have I learned about myself that would add to how
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  I've described myself? Or have I done some healing?
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  In some ways that is making it so I'm not as much one way as I
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  used to be. I'm for me, I am not nearly as
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  I'm still very passionate, but I'm not nearly as reactive as I
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  used to be. That is a thing that an
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  adjective that has changed about me.
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  So looking at those things to make sure you know you're
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  describing yourself currently. If you're describing yourself
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  currently, you're identifying what nourishes you currently.
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  That will then let you know are my values that things that I
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  value that I care about current with that or have those shifted
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  to it can This could also inform you.
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  Again, I talked about boundaries earlier but also expectations.
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  I'm living out if I'm not. If my values are out of date and
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  my why is out of date. I haven't checked in with myself
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  in a while. I'm feeling an angst.
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  I may start unknowingly this. We kind of do this
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  subconsciously as we adjust. I may be living out of it, a
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  system of expectations that aren't really mine.
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  They're my expectations of my former self, but they're not the
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  expectations of my current self. So also making sure that that's
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  an alignment. All these things are tied
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  together. They all connect, they all
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  impact each other and they're all part of our caring for
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  ourselves well. And these things impact our
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  mental, emotional, physical, school health when they're not
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  in alignment, when we haven't updated and checked in with
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  ourselves in a while. And make sure these, like I
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  said, these things that you make shifts in that you are feeling
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  out of alignment with check in as you're adjusting, that you're
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  not continually trying to satisfy other people, that
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  you're not trying to meet other people's expectations, that
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  you're not trying to not disappoint someone.
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  Make sure because we hear so many narratives as women and we
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  start getting there from an early age, it can be really
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  difficult to decipher what is ours versus what is others.
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  And even if we've updated and like, oh, I'm not going to do
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  that anymore. It's easy over time to kind of
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  gradually slip back into some of those things if we're not
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  regularly checking in with ourselves.
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  And so something that I like to do, you know, once a year
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  sometimes, I usually do it around the new year.
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  I'll look at my, why all my values, the things I care about,
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  the work that I'm doing, why I'm showing up with all my
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  relationships. And I'll ask myself, I'll
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  revisit this and be like, am I feeling like I'm still in
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  alignment? Am I still showing up in a way
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  that feels honoring to me? Or there's some things that need
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  to shift. It's just a really healthy way
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  to check in with yourself. And just remember to trust
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  yourself. If you're feeling an angst, it's
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  there for a reason. No one knows you better than
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  you. But that takes time because
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  sometimes we lose who we are because we have lived according
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  to a value system that was set out for us or that we've adopted
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  or adapted to because we didn't want to create any friction in
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  an area. But in doing that, we start
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  losing our there's bigger friction down the road.
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  We don't check in to make sure these are our values.
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  These are from us. This is what we truly believe
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  and truly care about. So remember, no one knows you
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  better than you. And that inner knowing will let
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  you know and give you clues that something's out of alignment,
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  out of whack, needs to be checked in with and make sure
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  that we're retiring. As you check in with yourself
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  that you are retiring in accurate narratives that are not
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  healthy for you, you're not treating these things as truth
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  just because it's something that was taught to your show, to your
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  model, to you. It might be a way of doing
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  things and a narrative that doesn't mean it's healthy for
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  you or true for you. So retiring those inaccurate
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  narratives, naming them is inaccurate.
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  Renaming what is true for you. And and that could take time in
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  practice. So when you're practicing and
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  communicating, this is what I value.
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  This is what I care about. Yes, I know it's a shift, but as
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  I've continued to get to know myself and lean in and trust
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  what my body and my inner knowing is telling me, then I
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  know this is the trajectory that is healthy for me.
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  I hope you can honor that because again, as we make these
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  shifts, it's really important to communicate that as we as we are
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  doing this because people aren't mind readers and these things do
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  require communication and connection and action that is
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  consistent. No more abandoning ourselves in
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  order to please others. When we know what our values
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  are, when we know what we care about, what is in alignment with
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  us, it gives us again, I said earlier that foundation, that
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  framework to know what it is we're saying yes and no to.
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  It's having a great conversation with a future guest today on as
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  I was recording earlier today, her name's Eva Kennedy.
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  You're going to hear from her this summer.
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  And we talked a lot about this importance of the values and
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  that when you know what to say yes and no to, you're no longer
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  abandoning yourself. She took some time to really sit
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  with herself during her life to really evaluate that.
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  And it's just, it just clarifies everything for you.
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  All right, some ways to engage with this as we get ready to
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  wrap up this conversation about identifying our why and our
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  values. And some of this is going to be
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  what I've repeated earlier in this conversation, but I'm
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  repeating it for the sake of importance.
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  I want to make sure that this is that you grab onto this and
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  really hear this today. If you're having trouble
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  identifying your why, revisit what activities and causes
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  nourish you, fill your cup, make you feel alive.
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  Think about those 5 words that describe how you want to feel
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  the next six months and where are your values in relation to
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  those. Where is there need to be any
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  adjustments there? Use those answers to help narrow
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  this down. Kind of retire what is no longer
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  true and usher in what is now true.
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  Ask yourself if you're what you're engaged with currently is
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  aligned with it. So going and looking at that
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  calendar that spaces and places you're giving your time and
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  energy to, where do they need to be?
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  Some shifts, sometimes these can be difficult questions and
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  difficult decisions. It may need you time to put a
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  plan in place. And like, you know what, I've
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  been on this board now, but this this nonprofit and I were no
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  longer in an alignment. So how do I start the process of
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  not leaving them in a lurch, but making the natural progression
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  of moving away from that cause and moving into something that
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  is more aligned in a way that allows them to replace me but
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  also is honoring me? So these aren't all the things
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  we can make overnight, but that's an example of something.
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  You start putting a plan in place and seeing some progress
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  and moving towards what is actually in alignment with your
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  current self in this this time frame.
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  This can also really help again when you revisit your healthy
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  boundaries and living out of your own expectations.
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  Your values, your healthy boundaries, and your living out
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  of your own expectations versus others are all tied in.
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  Identifying those values gives clarity to whether you are
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  living out of yours or someone else's expectations and where
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  you need to set those healthy boundaries.
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  It just gives you that foundation to operate from.
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  I hope you found this helpful today.
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  I hope you found this supportive.
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  This is springtime as we're doing our spring cleaning.
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  Sometimes it's the spring cleaning is within our minds and
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  our calendars and checking in with ourselves and refreshing
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  and renewing and meeting ourselves where we are today.
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  So check in with yourself this week and and make sure that you
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  are up to date with yourself and are operating from where you
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  currently live, from where you currently live your life with an
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  whether it's a spatial location or whether it's in your belief
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  systems, the things that you've learned and unlearned, all those
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  things. Check in with yourself today and
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  use this as a tool to guide you to live in alignment and show up
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  as your healthiest, most authentic self.
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  You are valuable, you are worthy and you get to choose.
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  Take care of good, take good care of yourself, and we'll see
• 15:39
  you next time here on the Field podcast.