Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / Dark Night Of The Soul After Survival Mode

Transcript

Dark Night Of The Soul After Survival Mode · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

• 0:01
  Dora: Have you ever looked at your life and thought, why does nothing fit me anymore?
• 0:06
  Dora: The conversations seem a little off, or that they don't fit, or maybe the tone, or you're acting a little different.
• 0:13
  Dora: The relationships are kind of at a different frequency now, different vibe.
• 0:22
  Dora: Maybe you're acting a little more subtle, a little more collected, or the expectations, where people expected stuff from you, or for you to do certain things, but now you're not complying.
• 0:35
  Dora: Even the version of yourself you work so hard to become suddenly feels foreign and uh terrifying, probably, because nobody prepares you for the season where your soul starts asking for more.
• 0:51
  Dora: There's this moment in healing where you realize you can no longer abandon yourself to keep everyone else comfortable, and that realization, it changes everything.
• 1:03
  Dora: Welcome to the I'm gita podcast, where I'm your host, Dora Alicia Praxelis.
• 1:09
  Dora: This is where we talk all spiritual things, ancestral, healing, and moon musings, and everything of the like.
• 1:18
  Dora: And so I invite you to grab your cafecito, tecito, beverage of choice, and let's dig into today's episode.
• 1:39
  Dora: A dark night of a soul isn't just sadness.
• 1:42
  Dora: It's deeper than a heartbreak, deeper than stress, deeper than the burnout.
• 1:47
  Dora: It's when your spirit can no longer tolerate the life you built from survival mode.
• 1:53
  Dora: So this is something where you just feel so detached from everything, and you go you kind of get in this funk, like you can't explain it.
• 2:02
  Dora: You start questioning everything, your world, what's going on, why isn't things like going the way you want them to?
• 2:10
  Dora: Why do you feel all this like grief and sadness all of a sudden?
• 2:14
  Dora: You find yourself losing all the motivation.
• 2:16
  Dora: Like you might have been so motivated to keep going and do all the things you want to do.
• 2:22
  Dora: And you also might doubt your spirit connection.
• 2:26
  Dora: And there's probably confusion around source, divine, universe, and is it really delivering to you?
• 2:34
  Dora: And you're kind of grieving in a way, this old self of you that just isn't the same anymore.
• 2:43
  Dora: Like you know you're not the same anymore.
• 2:45
  Dora: And so you're fine trying to find your who you are.
• 2:48
  Dora: And so this leads into an identity crisis where you question like, is this what I really want to do?
• 2:56
  Dora: Like, what am I going through?
• 2:58
  Dora: Am I at a crossroads?
• 3:01
  Dora: And that's where going through all these emotions, it just there's a it's like even depressed, even like you feel just so, so down in the dumps that you can't explain it.
• 3:14
  Dora: And you have this exhaustion from pretending that everything's okay and you want to piece everything together, but it's like a house of cards.
• 3:24
  Dora: It starts crumbling, it starts falling apart.
• 3:27
  Dora: You start realizing the life you built may have been built for survival, not for your soul.
• 3:34
  Dora: And that's where I've been going through my emotions here, especially growing up in my human design.
• 3:43
  Dora: I actually have Dark Knights of the Soul very frequently.
• 3:46
  Dora: I think I have, well, I have them like three to four times a year.
• 3:49
  Dora: So every quarter, I'm like, oh, yep, it's right on time.
• 3:52
  Dora: Because I was always wanting to be the strong one.
• 3:58
  Dora: And recently I have been going through a dip.
• 4:01
  Dora: And I talked to my coach and my therapist this week, and it's very normal, especially after going through such a challenging time of being in survival mode, especially because it was life and death, cancer, breast cancer, going through chemo, ending it May 1st, and then today, May 29th of 2025, I am still trying to navigate all these emotions, all these like overwhelm and feeling lost.
• 4:38
  Dora: Before I used to be the caretaker for everybody, and that's something that I carried with myself.
• 4:44
  Dora: But that's where I've been leaning into like my husband.
• 4:48
  Dora: He's been very loving and supporting.
• 4:52
  Dora: But as I was talking to my therapist, it's like I feel like I have to switch now, like shit's gonna hit the fan.
• 4:59
  Dora: Like I feel like something like what if cancer comes back and I start worrying.
• 5:06
  Dora: And being in a position where I'm being comforted by my kids and my husband is very different roles.
• 5:14
  Dora: Um, and it's learning to receive.
• 5:19
  Dora: So this crumbling of the I have to be strong and I have to kind of push through and everything, that this past month has very has changed quite a bit for me.
• 5:29
  Dora: Because you can't be the strong one all the time.
• 5:32
  Dora: You do need that support system.
• 5:35
  Dora: And as a caretaker, that shifted, has shifted my identity because my mom also has been coming over and being supportive and being a mom.
• 5:46
  Dora: So all these relationships in my life are starting to change for the better, but I'm still used to just catering and people pleasing, especially.
• 5:56
  Dora: And that's where I'm drawing my boundaries because I cannot give what I can't give, right?
• 6:02
  Dora: Like if I'm depleted because this past month I've been going through burnout, um, and I can't keep carrying with those family expectations.
• 6:11
  Dora: I need naps during the day.
• 6:13
  Dora: So even with work, like I have to navigate those things.
• 6:17
  Dora: And then with clients and what I want to do with my business, I've also been kind of noodling on what do I want to do next.
• 6:24
  Dora: And I have the ability to do anything I want, and I have the ability to do my intuitive everything, but I'm I don't know, I've just been hesitating, scared to be seen, scared to be seen in a different limelight.
• 6:40
  Dora: Um, because my family knows, but then like the people outside, I'm not on social as much, but I do put out there like my cancer journey, which I've embraced.
• 6:50
  Dora: And for some reason I thought my business was one thing and then my cancer journey was another, but no, like I have to show up all in the same spot.
• 6:58
  Dora: And so that has caused me to go down a rabbit hole and spiral out of control.
• 7:05
  Dora: And I've been struggling with this proving that I'm worth like through achieving, through success, through I do all these things and I'm successful, which I am, I know I am, but I do have this side of me too where like I feel tired.
• 7:21
  Dora: I feel tired of being strong.
• 7:23
  Dora: So for many of us as first gen daughters, we were taught to survive.
• 7:28
  Dora: Now, not how to feel safe, being ourselves.
• 7:33
  Dora: And that's what I've been navigating is all these things that from childhood that have been surfacing that I'm working through on feeling rejected and abandoned, feeling like I can't nurture myself and I have to keep my emotions like suppressed.
• 7:50
  Dora: Let me just tell you, it's like been a floodgate where my emotions are coming out, and there's no way of denying it anymore.
• 8:00
  Dora: So that's where the death of the old self comes about.
• 8:04
  Dora: This part feels brutal because it feels like grief, and honestly, it is grief.
• 8:10
  Dora: Um, again, talking with my therapist this week and my coach and my coaches and my group coaching and all the collectives that I'm in.
• 8:19
  Dora: It's it's been such an eye-opening on the different types of grieving that I'm going through.
• 8:27
  Dora: It's my old identity.
• 8:28
  Dora: Obviously, I'm not the same person that I was or before cancer, even 10 years ago, five years ago.
• 8:36
  Dora: Like we're always ever evolving.
• 8:38
  Dora: And I had all these old dreams that I wanted to accomplish and put out there and travel and do all the things and have like a great family, which I do.
• 8:52
  Dora: But all these old dreams, especially after this, have shifted quite a bit.
• 8:58
  Dora: Like there's so much more I want to do in my life.
• 9:01
  Dora: Um, I thought career was my only path, which is like work work, but no, there's so much more to life, and it's so beautiful to see like the birds and going on a walk and counting the birds and being present in the moment instead of always thinking about you know 10 steps ahead and stressing myself out.
• 9:21
  Dora: The other thing, too, that I'm grieving is old relationships.
• 9:25
  Dora: There's relationships that have shifted, like especially with my immediate family, my husband, for example.
• 9:33
  Dora: It's he used to be a certain way and it wasn't so nice.
• 9:37
  Dora: Um, he was Mr.
• 9:39
  Dora: Pessimistic, and he would always be like worst-case scenario, always worrying about the money, worrying about like how are we gonna fix the house and all the things, right?
• 9:48
  Dora: The projects.
• 9:49
  Dora: And now I see him and like he's shifted quite a bit.
• 9:53
  Dora: And again, I have this like snake bite effect where I feel like when's the old person gonna come back?
• 10:00
  Dora: And no, it's been-I mean, obviously, we all have the ability to and and permission to get mad and anger, resentment, sad, cry, be happy, all that at the same time.
• 10:13
  Dora: But I'm starting to recalibrate this relationship because I feel like I should be trusting and I should be reciprocating.
• 10:21
  Dora: But for some reason or another, like my body remembers the, oh, we're gonna, like, he's gonna snap again or something like that.
• 10:28
  Dora: And again, it's bringing up childhood memories of like my my dad snapping, my mom snapping, like if somebody gets mad, and that's where the people pleaser kind of comes about.
• 10:38
  Dora: It's I want to keep that peace.
• 10:41
  Dora: And I feel like that's been my role all my life is to keep the peace wherever I go.
• 10:45
  Dora: And I've I'm learning that I don't have to do that anymore.
• 10:48
  Dora: I don't have to fix everything or everybody's problems.
• 10:52
  Dora: And that is the expectation some people have of me, is I'm the go-to.
• 10:58
  Dora: And I am super honest with myself now, and I try to be where I can't fix everything, I don't have all the answers, and it's like Google it, Google it or AI it now or Chat GPT it.
• 11:13
  Dora: And I'm okay with that.
• 11:14
  Dora: I'm okay with that, and messy, messy can be good, messy can be good.
• 11:19
  Dora: Um do I believe it?
• 11:20
  Dora: I'm still working on it because I always want to be that perfectionist, right?
• 11:24
  Dora: And so, especially with my body, my body has changed so much.
• 11:31
  Dora: Some of my taste buds changed.
• 11:33
  Dora: I am growing my hair back, and it's coming out like rubio, like blondish.
• 11:42
  Dora: Um, and it's it's like my peach fuzz, as a friend called it.
• 11:47
  Dora: And I don't know how it's gonna grow back.
• 11:51
  Dora: And fortunately, I was able to survive the chemo and beat this cancer, so I celebrate myself.
• 12:00
  Dora: But there was something about that that it was like a running race, you know, when when someone runs a marathon, because I have not run a marathon, but I have a friend that does, and just the crash afterwards and having days of recuperation, that's what I've been going through.
• 12:15
  Dora: It was five months of just nonstop, go, go, go, what's the next thing?
• 12:20
  Dora: And now, like being in this dip, I not that I miss the illness or I miss anything of that nature, it's just more of I'm such a you I'm so used to hustling that that was so me, but now it's like my body's craving for like girl, we gotta rest.
• 12:38
  Dora: Tenemos que descansar, we have to rest.
• 12:41
  Dora: We can't keep going at that pace.
• 12:43
  Dora: And so I did spiral out into burnout.
• 12:46
  Dora: And the other thing that I I'm grieving is the certainty, the certainty of the future.
• 12:56
  Dora: Like, I first not that I thought I was immortal, it's just more of like, is this cancer gonna come back?
• 13:02
  Dora: Now I live in this like underlying worry, fear in a way, that I don't know what's the what's the future gonna hold.
• 13:10
  Dora: And we don't know what the future holds.
• 13:12
  Dora: But for some reason, I just had like all the stuff figured out.
• 13:15
  Dora: And it's really hard to live in this new identity where I'm not knowing what's next.
• 13:20
  Dora: Going with the flow.
• 13:21
  Dora: This is so different from where I'm I was used to living of knowing exactly what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it.
• 13:29
  Dora: And if things didn't pan out my way, I would get so mad.
• 13:32
  Dora: So now I'm starting to step into this flow, into this, I'm not gonna know what's next.
• 13:40
  Dora: I'm just gonna let God, universe, source, surprise me on what is next.
• 13:45
  Dora: So you you miss the versions of yourself that were hurting as well.
• 13:50
  Dora: And that goes for my body.
• 13:52
  Dora: Like my body went through a lot of hurt, and now I don't have that.
• 13:57
  Dora: I don't have that pain.
• 13:58
  Dora: I do have a little um soreness in my abdomen because, of course, I have a scar from like hip to hip.
• 14:04
  Dora: Um, that's the tummy tuck.
• 14:07
  Dora: And emotionally, I've just been going through it because of the hormones.
• 14:12
  Dora: Um, the hormone suppression, because of the chemo, I will be in hormone suppression for the next two years.
• 14:17
  Dora: And I'm 39 years old.
• 14:18
  Dora: So I'm going through menopause very, very early.
• 14:21
  Dora: But this is like the perimenopause, it's caused by the chemo.
• 14:25
  Dora: So the doctor said that I could probably go back to one thing that's good about this, I guess, is that I don't have my periods.
• 14:31
  Dora: I that's not something I miss.
• 14:34
  Dora: Um, and then I'm going through these motions of the emotions.
• 14:40
  Dora: Um I cry and then I'm laughing, and it's so great to have my husband now, feely, just say, Okay, it's okay to cry.
• 14:50
  Dora: Just cry.
• 14:51
  Dora: Where before I would get shit for it, not honestly.
• 14:53
  Dora: Like he would just tell me, okay, suck it up.
• 14:54
  Dora: Like, okay, are we done crying?
• 14:56
  Dora: Or he would get frustrated and mad because he didn't know how to help me.
• 14:59
  Dora: So now I just know I just need a hug, or I just need to cry it out, or I don't need you to fix it.
• 15:04
  Dora: I just need you to hear me.
• 15:06
  Dora: And so I don't resonate no longer with that hustle culture either.
• 15:12
  Dora: And not that I miss it, but it is like a thrive, you know, like the drive, the the adrenaline rush.
• 15:20
  Dora: Like I miss that part of it.
• 15:21
  Dora: And always being stressed, right?
• 15:23
  Dora: There's always something to do, this busyness.
• 15:26
  Dora: And I'm realizing that success without alignment feels so empty.
• 15:32
  Dora: So, so empty.
• 15:34
  Dora: And building anything, so this house of cards kind of fell on me.
• 15:38
  Dora: So that's why I'm I'm going through my dark night of a soul.
• 15:42
  Dora: And there's a version of me that could keep going nonstop, overworking, over giving, overproving.
• 15:50
  Dora: And people celebrated that version, but she was on, she was so exhausted.
• 15:58
  Dora: The dark night begins the moment your soul says, I can't live like this anymore.
• 16:05
  Dora: Nobody talks enough about how lonely healing can feel.
• 16:09
  Dora: That's where at times you outgrow friendships, like you used to be super, super, super buddy buddy, and you had all these friends, and all of a sudden, like you feel like you need to retreat.
• 16:22
  Dora: You might be feeling misunderstood from those people that you used to have around you.
• 16:28
  Dora: And now your outlook is different.
• 16:33
  Dora: And because you retreat and you want to be a little more reserved, and that's definitely happening with me, on just not knowing what what I'm going through, right?
• 16:45
  Dora: Like, hopefully, nobody else goes through this journey of cancer, but my friends and my family, they can only understand me so much.
• 16:53
  Dora: And then also not wanting those shallow conversations anymore.
• 16:58
  Dora: Like, you want to have those meaningful connections, um, things that are meaningful.
• 17:04
  Dora: I appreciate gossip and everything, but then again, it's like, how is that serving me?
• 17:08
  Dora: Right?
• 17:08
  Dora: I want to connect with that person, I want to know how they're doing, how's it going, and you know, the challenges, and where we help and reciprocate each other in hearing each other out and just venting sometimes.
• 17:24
  Dora: And that's where craving that deeper um meaning, deeper meaning to life, also just feeling like this loneliness because you are craving that deeper self for yourself and getting in touch with who you are, what you want to be.
• 17:47
  Dora: And the other thing that I've been noticing too is family not understanding your boundaries or the boundaries where everybody lies.
• 17:55
  Dora: And there's also this like change in the expectation, right?
• 18:01
  Dora: The expectation of what you're supposed to be doing, what they're supposed to be doing.
• 18:05
  Dora: And maybe there might have been some enablement here and there.
• 18:08
  Dora: Um, but that's where this awakening process is so makes you feel so isolated.
• 18:16
  Dora: Um and especially when it comes to the spiritual side, right?
• 18:20
  Dora: And you're going through the motions, you're the one that's trying to figure out stuff for yourself that you don't even know what's going on, right?
• 18:29
  Dora: So you start craving authenticity so deeply that surface-level connections physically drain you.
• 18:35
  Dora: Um, you could be with in a party and you can still feel lonely because you don't have that connection necessarily with everybody.
• 18:42
  Dora: And so for me, this loneliness has looked very, very different than what I pictured myself because I have so much support.
• 18:52
  Dora: Again, so many family, friends, um, people I know, communities I'm involved in.
• 18:57
  Dora: But I often find myself crying alone, like in the shower or in the bathroom, or when I'm working.
• 19:05
  Dora: All of a sudden, like everything hits me, like a ton of bricks, like these emotions.
• 19:09
  Dora: And I've had this moment too in the past few weeks where I started questioning everything.
• 19:15
  Dora: Like, what am I doing?
• 19:17
  Dora: Am I good enough?
• 19:18
  Dora: My worth?
• 19:19
  Dora: Um, do I even know what I want to do in the future?
• 19:23
  Dora: Um, I don't, I kind of see myself like unfamiliar to myself, like I don't even know me anymore.
• 19:30
  Dora: And this sitting in silence has been so awkward for me because I'm so used to that hustle mentality and the stress and the everything that sitting still makes me go in inward into my feelings, into my thoughts.
• 19:47
  Dora: And then how do I talk to myself too?
• 19:51
  Dora: And I also have this fear of losing people, like those meaningful relationships I've had all my life, just some people just gravitate away.
• 20:01
  Dora: And that's where that's the season of life, right?
• 20:03
  Dora: People come in and out of our lives.
• 20:06
  Dora: But I have always had this great sense of connection with everybody that I meet, where when we meet up again, it's like that's exactly where we needed to leave off and pick up, right?
• 20:17
  Dora: Again, it's like time never passed.
• 20:19
  Dora: And I love it when I like see a friend of mine or someone that I haven't seen in a very long time, and I'm able to catch up with them.
• 20:28
  Dora: And it's so rewarding to see like, wow, how things have changed for them, for me.
• 20:34
  Dora: But then that fear of becoming too much also creeps up in this loneliness that I feel or that is felt.
• 20:41
  Dora: Um that I'm just too much too much for, and and I think my husband and I have a really good example where in our lives I've always succeeded and outperformed all the odds.
• 20:57
  Dora: And my husband always thought he would have thought that if I became too much, like I would stop loving him.
• 21:05
  Dora: And that was a fear he had, and that's a fear not that I had, but that it's he's always been very supportive.
• 21:11
  Dora: Um, there's certain things that he doesn't agree with, obviously, because he's his own person and we all have free will.
• 21:17
  Dora: Um, but when I like becoming too much, that is a definitely a fear of dimming my light just to fit in.
• 21:26
  Dora: But now I know that I have to be me.
• 21:30
  Dora: Like I authentically need to be me, even though that might mean that I'm walking this lonely path with myself and that I only understand me.
• 21:38
  Dora: And that's where I am learning to be sometimes okay with that, like having this loneliness.
• 21:45
  Dora: Never in my life have I lived alone.
• 21:48
  Dora: So this era of my life of navigating all these things and sometimes feeling super lonely, again, even though there's a room filled with people, it's being Being able to sit with myself, with my thoughts, my emotions, and how I physically feel in my body, and having that connection with myself, but then also to God, God, source, universe, but for me it's God.
• 22:16
  Dora: And I feel like that's where I'm going through this version of myself.
• 22:24
  Dora: And as you heal, people sometimes meet a version of you they've never experienced before.
• 22:30
  Dora: And so it could mean that you speak up more or you say no, and no is a solid sentence, or that you need rest.
• 22:40
  Dora: And that's perfectly fine.
• 22:42
  Dora: You're not lazy, you're you're still the hustler, and you're still the everything, and you're still the go-getter.
• 22:47
  Dora: But everybody, every superhero needs to rest.
• 22:50
  Dora: Like we always have a weakness as well, but rest is very much needed.
• 22:55
  Dora: And you need to replenish yourself.
• 22:58
  Dora: And that all comes down to you need to choose yourself first.
• 23:02
  Dora: Like if you're okay, you're gonna be oh, you're gonna be able to cater to others or cater to your needs, cater to whatever the world out there needs for you.
• 23:12
  Dora: But as the saying goes, like you when you're on the airplane, you need to put on your oxygen mask first before you can help anybody else.
• 23:20
  Dora: So in this dark night of the soul, the breakdown isn't punishment, it's revelation.
• 23:28
  Dora: It's the nervous system exhausted, like you've you've been through such a challenging, trialing time that you're just done.
• 23:36
  Dora: You're so done.
• 23:38
  Dora: And that's where your soul is misaligned, and that's where the magic happens, the repair.
• 23:47
  Dora: Um, it also is when like when you break down, it could also be because you're ignoring intuition or like that inner nudging, inner knowing.
• 23:57
  Dora: You just like quiet it down.
• 23:58
  Dora: You're like, nope, I'm not gonna pay attention to you.
• 24:01
  Dora: Um the other surfacing theme that could come up is also abandonment of self that you give yourself, cater so much, and and and push through all the things that you're not nurturing yourself like you should, like sitting with yourself, paying attention to all these things, the nudging.
• 24:21
  Dora: Um, and it is pretty tough, right?
• 24:24
  Dora: Where it's there's a gap.
• 24:28
  Dora: There's definitely a gap with how you're treating yourself and honoring yourself.
• 24:35
  Dora: And the other thing that can come up is repeating cycles over and over, like the cycles of like I'm not good enough, and the self-negative cell talk, um, going down that loophole and feeling like this chaoticness in your life.
• 24:52
  Dora: And it could also look like a spiritual wake-up call where you realize and have this like aha moment of wow, the way I thought things were supposed to be are not like you go through like a mind fuck, no joke.
• 25:06
  Dora: And so your body eventually speaks the truth, your bot your mouth refuses to say.
• 25:10
  Dora: Um, and this could look like anxiety comes up and creeps up, like that knot in your chest or that pit in your stomach.
• 25:23
  Dora: And especially when you have that chest constriction, like feeling panicked, and this desperation of like you don't know what you don't know, and you don't know if everything's gonna be okay.
• 25:35
  Dora: You want everything to stop, you want a solution right now.
• 25:38
  Dora: So you kind of like go through these desperate measures, um, or you obsess to like refresh, refresh, refresh whatever you're checking.
• 25:47
  Dora: And then we also go through this emotional numbness.
• 25:50
  Dora: And I've been it through, I've been through it multiple times where I just tell my emotions, like if anger comes up and resentment, I'm like, nope, we can't deal with that right now.
• 25:59
  Dora: Um, but you need to give it space.
• 26:02
  Dora: You need to have space to work through these things through that through that numbness.
• 26:07
  Dora: And instead of hitting that hitting that pause button all the time, it's sometimes feeling.
• 26:13
  Dora: And that could even come through physical symptoms from stress, like you have headaches, or your if you track your heart rate, your heart rate might go up.
• 26:24
  Dora: Um you might have pain in your body, such as in your shoulders, especially in your neck or in your lower back.
• 26:34
  Dora: There's a lot of correlation, and I love this book called Metaphysical Anatomy by Everett Rose.
• 26:39
  Dora: It talks about all the ailments, all the disease, or any symptoms that you have, um, how they manifest in your body and how it could go back to ancestral healing, back to your your childhood.
• 26:54
  Dora: Um, it it asks a series of questions, and that's definitely a recommendation I give.
• 26:58
  Dora: Um, and I use it often with people too, when they have certain illnesses or diseases that come up.
• 27:06
  Dora: And then this exhaustion that happens from hyper-independence, like being so independent to the point where you don't need anybody, but then it's like, okay, it gets tiring.
• 27:18
  Dora: Like doing it all yourself.
• 27:19
  Dora: Like at times I've been called a one-woman show.
• 27:23
  Dora: I don't know if that's a compliment or if that's like a negative thing, because no one can do this world, this life by yourself.
• 27:32
  Dora: I am a strong believer that you need um people in your corner, and that's where it's really hard to navigate a situation with your single, your your single site, right?
• 27:47
  Dora: Like, especially if you're in like this fog right now in a challenge, it's so hard to see beyond that.
• 27:54
  Dora: So you need other perspectives, and that that's where, yes, a friends, family, but in my case, like I even reached out to my therapist because I needed to work out on these things that were creeping up in my mind, like this mental fatigue of always worrying about the future, having the anxiety, like, am I good enough?
• 28:17
  Dora: What am I doing wrong?
• 28:18
  Dora: Why do I feel this funk?
• 28:20
  Dora: And that's where the dark night strips away everything that's false.
• 28:25
  Dora: Um, that's the pruning process.
• 28:26
  Dora: That's why these things are coming up, is for you to work through them.
• 28:30
  Dora: And when I reached out for help, and I'm able to talk to someone about it that's known me for a bit, they're able to see the patterns and the correlations and why you feel a certain way.
• 28:45
  Dora: And sometimes it's normal.
• 28:47
  Dora: Like in my situation, it's perfectly normal for me to be grieving my old self.
• 28:52
  Dora: And after going again through so much stuff with this cancer journey, that I'm I was exhausted.
• 28:57
  Dora: I was exhausted of being strong.
• 28:59
  Dora: I was exhausted of like keep going, we got this.
• 29:03
  Dora: I just need a break.
• 29:04
  Dora: Honestly, needed a break.
• 29:06
  Dora: And now that I took this break, I was able to reflect.
• 29:10
  Dora: And because things are quieting down, especially with being done with chemo, and then my relationships like here at home and with my family and friends, all the stuff is good, but then new stuff kind of creeps in.
• 29:24
  Dora: And that's when you go through this pruning process of what is no longer serving me?
• 29:29
  Dora: What do I need to let go?
• 29:33
  Dora: So, how do we navigate this dark night of the soul?
• 29:36
  Dora: Right?
• 29:37
  Dora: It sounds horrible, but it's it's look at it like a learning experience, and it's a storm that comes.
• 29:43
  Dora: It's like the tornado that can come, and it may or may not hit your house.
• 29:48
  Dora: But if it does hit your house of cards and everything comes tumbling down, just know that you're able to build so much better afterwards.
• 29:57
  Dora: Having the knowledge and the experience and the and the everything that you have at that given moment, like you're gonna have that inner knowing of how to move forward and take it step by step.
• 30:08
  Dora: But here I'm gonna walk you through a few steps that you can do, which is number one, stop rushing to become better.
• 30:16
  Dora: You are not a project to fix.
• 30:18
  Dora: That's where just focus on your best virgin that you can show up.
• 30:24
  Dora: And if that means it's messy, let it be messy, let it be messy.
• 30:27
  Dora: It's okay.
• 30:29
  Dora: Give yourself permission, and especially give yourself grace.
• 30:34
  Dora: Because what you're navigating is no easy way of life right now, season.
• 30:42
  Dora: And you're weathering the storm, you're weathering the storm, and you don't have to have like a like an upbeat attitude all the time.
• 30:50
  Dora: You can have these mellow, like these really, really like meh moments of just crying, of sulking, again, not to the point where you're laying in bed necessarily and spending the whole entire day there and thinking about how like you are a loser or anything like that.
• 31:15
  Dora: No, no, no.
• 31:16
  Dora: That's where keep the movement happening in the body.
• 31:18
  Dora: Obviously, you can rest, watch TV, do something leisurely, read a book, or go on TikTok, move the energy somehow.
• 31:28
  Dora: Um, I would suggest getting up and dancing just to move some of that energy from the body.
• 31:33
  Dora: Um, or watch a YouTube video or something of the like where it lifts you up.
• 31:40
  Dora: So, what are the things that lift you up?
• 31:42
  Dora: Number two, let yourself grieve even if nobody understands why, yourself doesn't understand why, go through that grieving process.
• 31:55
  Dora: And those emotions you're feeling that that are surfacing, that's where let them move through you, let them navigate and take you where you need to go, but always feel safe.
• 32:10
  Dora: So, one thing that I love to do is tapping my shoulder my um my chest with my hand, um, or putting your hand over your chest and your other hand and your belly and doing some breathing exercises.
• 32:25
  Dora: Uh but I would suggest also having that safe space, even if it is with someone, uh just let yourself uh go through the motions of releasing whatever it is that you were holding back, especially with this grief.
• 32:40
  Dora: Number three rest without guilt.
• 32:43
  Dora: And I mean it, okay?
• 32:45
  Dora: Your nervous system needs safety, you need to rest, sleep, and at least sleep the eight hours, but also rest in the way of like your mind.
• 32:57
  Dora: So watch something mind-n numbing, read a book.
• 33:01
  Dora: Um, and if you're into like the nonfiction, like I am, like personal self-development and all that stuff, just switch it up.
• 33:08
  Dora: Um, do like a mystery or a romance model and um novel, not model.
• 33:14
  Dora: Uh see, I'm thinking here, like a really hot body kind of guy.
• 33:19
  Dora: Um, so think something different just so you can rest and even take your imagination where things might be very creative for you.
• 33:32
  Dora: I love also sitting outside in nature, and especially now that it's summer here in the United States, I love to sit outside and watch the birds.
• 33:41
  Dora: Um, if you get lucky, you see a red cardinal, or of course there's squirrels out by me.
• 33:47
  Dora: So name the different animals and count the different birds.
• 33:51
  Dora: Number four, journal honestly.
• 33:54
  Dora: So not performatively, okay, we're not counting the number of words, we're not writing a novel necessarily, but if something comes up for you, there's a good way of moving it from your mind to the paper.
• 34:05
  Dora: And I love pen to paper because there is something definitely motor skilled, but then also scientifically proven where if you move it out to the paper, that energy is moving away from you.
• 34:18
  Dora: And sometimes when I journal stuff and I want to let it go, I often either rip it up or burn it.
• 34:24
  Dora: So those are the two other ways that you can just also make sure nobody reads it if you don't want to go back to it.
• 34:31
  Dora: Number five, spend time alone intentionally.
• 34:34
  Dora: So this is not punishment for you.
• 34:37
  Dora: Alone time is good.
• 34:39
  Dora: It took me until I turned 30 to realize that alone time is very good.
• 34:44
  Dora: And I don't mean alone time in the car or while you're cooking.
• 34:49
  Dora: It's legit.
• 34:50
  Dora: Spend some alone time not doing your chores necessarily, but spend alone time with not listening to anything and just being you, being in the moment, like staring in the room at something and noticing it.
• 35:12
  Dora: And then you could definitely, if you enjoy taking yourself out for a date and eating something that you like.
• 35:19
  Dora: For example, for me, it's elotes.
• 35:22
  Dora: I love um corn on the cob Mexican style.
• 35:26
  Dora: And it's so good when I have it.
• 35:29
  Dora: And I often don't take myself out as often to take to get one of those, but I love ice cream, um, and and just ponder on on just being and enjoying whatever it is that you want to enjoy.
• 35:44
  Dora: Again, if it's reading or dancing, and I know it can be silly, but it's very, very relaxing after you do it because your body chemically goes through something.
• 35:57
  Dora: Um, and obviously I'm not a medical professional, but I know for me, moving my my body, um, especially working out, um walking is another good one.
• 36:09
  Dora: Or I know my daughter loves to fish, so fishing, right?
• 36:13
  Dora: Um so those things find something that you can spend your time alone and just really being in that moment.
• 36:23
  Dora: Number six, reconnect spiritually.
• 36:26
  Dora: So this for me is such an important piece because I often bypass it.
• 36:35
  Dora: I usually go to um my meditations or prayer.
• 36:40
  Dora: Um, I do love to read the Bible.
• 36:44
  Dora: I have a Bible app and I love to hear the verses, and you can even put it to play.
• 36:50
  Dora: But if you're not connected to the Bible, there's other ways, such as again, nature or candles.
• 36:56
  Dora: There's one thing that I forgot that I used to do, which was light up a candle and just look into the candle, into the light, and just lose yourself in it.
• 37:06
  Dora: Or an incense, um, lighting it up and just watching the the smoke.
• 37:14
  Dora: Because sometimes you'll see shapes and stuff, so that's pretty cool.
• 37:17
  Dora: Um, my other go-to is limpias, which is with Palo Santo or the egg cleansing.
• 37:25
  Dora: That's where you you can definitely um get that negative energy out of your body, and then music.
• 37:32
  Dora: Music.
• 37:33
  Dora: I love getting in the car and just blasting the music because oh my gosh, put on a good jam and I'm in it.
• 37:39
  Dora: Um, and so if all else fails, you can also sit in silence and just see what comes up for you and connect with spirit, connect with God, source, universe, and go through those motions, put on some meditation music or and then there's high frequency music that so if you want to put on your earplugs, you can.
• 38:02
  Dora: Um, and that's a great way to kind of reconnect with yourself and spiritually, especially.
• 38:08
  Dora: Number seven, stop forcing certainty.
• 38:11
  Dora: And this one I've struggled quite a bit with because you don't need to, you don't need the entire roadmap to take the next step, or you don't necessarily need to put the destination in the GPS.
• 38:21
  Dora: Sometimes you just need to go with and roll with the punches, and that is something that for me, all my life, again, I've had like 10 steps ahead of me already laid out, and I'm learning that sometimes it's wasted energy.
• 38:35
  Dora: Well, nothing's necessarily wasted because it's a learning experience, but I would frustrate myself so much because things would not pan out the way I wanted, and so I had this expectation, and sometimes having no expectations and trusting the process is one of the most hardest but most rewarding things because I now say, like, God surprised me every day, and He definitely does, because there's a lot of things, and there's so many miracles that happen on a day-to-day that I wouldn't even imagine it to look unfold like it would, like it would.
• 39:12
  Dora: So let yourself be surprised.
• 39:14
  Dora: You never know what may show up.
• 39:16
  Dora: Number eight, let your identity evolve.
• 39:19
  Dora: You are allowed to become someone your younger self couldn't imagine.
• 39:24
  Dora: And I'm pondering on this one because when I was young, I wanted to do so many things.
• 39:33
  Dora: And honestly, I can say that as of today, I've completed all my wildest dreams and more.
• 39:41
  Dora: Obviously, there's other things that came in my way that I would have never imagined navigating, such as this breast cancer journey.
• 39:49
  Dora: But now it's time to evolve even bigger.
• 39:52
  Dora: And sometimes when our dreams are not coming true, it's because we need to dream bigger.
• 39:56
  Dora: And that's what I'm challenging you is dream, dream bigger.
• 40:01
  Dora: If you're going through challenges right now, and you're in a way might be cutting yourself off from something way bigger, but just know that this is molding you into something so beautiful.
• 40:14
  Dora: And you're pruning, you're pruning, you're going through the process, and sometimes, yeah, you gotta burn shit down so you can build back up.
• 40:21
  Dora: Like that's how the crops sometimes, you know how the farmers burn stuff down, the crops, so then it could be fertile again.
• 40:29
  Dora: Yeah, we're composting all this stuff and we're transmuting it into something so beautiful.
• 40:37
  Dora: The beautiful thing about the dark night of the soul is that eventually the light returns.
• 40:43
  Dora: This is where the rebirth process happens, and that's where when you get to the other side, I could honestly tell you that there's a deeper self-trust, like unshakable self-trust.
• 40:56
  Dora: And you have this peace with yourself that you just went through fire, and you went through such a challenging time, and it calls you to be your authentic self and having this authenticity of like, yeah, I went through that.
• 41:15
  Dora: Um, and it evolves to tapping into yourself to the point where now you have such an emotional intelligence.
• 41:24
  Dora: If you go through the motions and really feel what's going on, you are in touch with yourself at such a higher level, and that's where your relationships, right?
• 41:38
  Dora: They've shifted, um, roles have shifted, and they're more aligned.
• 41:45
  Dora: That gives you an outlook of okay, now that I'm here, now that I made it on the other side, what is my purpose?
• 41:53
  Dora: And you have this renowned purpose now where you go and you have this passion and fire inside of you to kind of accomplish what it is that you want to accomplish.
• 42:06
  Dora: And the thing I really, really, really love about this process, and I know there's always that better side, right?
• 42:13
  Dora: That the other side of this, where like I I picture it where like the storm has passed, and then the sun comes out, and then there's a rainbow.
• 42:23
  Dora: That's that's the promise.
• 42:25
  Dora: That's where your intuition is getting stronger, trusting yourself, and you stop living for applause and you start living from alignment.
• 42:35
  Dora: And honestly, that changes everything, and that's where now you know what you know.
• 42:42
  Dora: Nobody can tell you one way or another.
• 42:44
  Dora: It's like you've been through it.
• 42:46
  Dora: So that's where this like phoenix-like energy of rising from the ashes, that that is beauty of life, where it's a cycle, it's a cycle of life, and does it suck going through it?
• 42:59
  Dora: Absolutely.
• 43:00
  Dora: Tell me about it.
• 43:02
  Dora: But I know you can get I know you can get on the other side again, there's so many things that are involved with this, and the process can last days, it could last weeks, and sometimes even months.
• 43:16
  Dora: But that's where work with people in your corner to navigate this season of life.
• 43:35
  Dora: If you're in the middle of your dark night right now, I just want you to breathe.
• 43:41
  Dora: Breathe, Nihita.
• 43:44
  Dora: You are not failing, you are transforming.
• 43:49
  Dora: This season may feel lonely, it may feel confusing, and it also probably feels super heavy.
• 43:58
  Dora: But something sacred.
• 44:00
  Dora: Is happening inside of you.
• 44:03
  Dora: The old version of you is releasing, releasing all that gunk, all that clutter that you got inside of you.
• 44:10
  Dora: And the new version, she's slowly learning how to trust herself.
• 44:19
  Dora: If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who's been quietly carrying the weight of transformation.
• 44:26
  Dora: And if you're looking for deeper support, healing conversations, moon musings, community, and tools to reconnect with yourself, sign up for my email newsletter.
• 44:37
  Dora: Um, that's where down in the show notes.
• 44:40
  Dora: You can definitely click on it, and I'll send you the raíz reset checklist, which I've created for you.
• 44:46
  Dora: I want you to remember, embrace your raises, reclaim your essencia, sending you so much love, and especially if you're going through a season of the dark night of a soul, I'm your girl.
• 44:57
  Dora: So hit me up.
• 44:58
  Dora: You can find me on social at D Braxedis, and you can check out my website.
• 45:03
  Dora: All right.
• 45:04
  Dora: Besitos, talk to you next time.