Latest / SECOND CLOCK™ / SEASON 6 | TOXIC TIMES

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SEASON 6 | TOXIC TIMES · SECOND CLOCK™

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  I've heard it said that people can change, but only if they
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  want to. So what would it take for you to
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  try it? Change the way you think, feel,
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  relate and experience situations.
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  For me, I wanted to find the truth and little by little I did
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  become different and old conditionings gone.
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  Then I set a new course. I refer to that as the second
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  clock. Join me, click follow, like and
• 0:29
  subscribe and let's see where this leads.
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  So many of us want validation for things where we feel like we
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  were wronged and when we don't get it, it can leave a situation
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  feeling unresolved. We wish we could one day hear
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  what we know to be true. So if that day does come and you
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  get the acknowledgement from somebody that witnessed what
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  happened to you first hand, something about that recognition
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  confirms things, validates the way we felt and maybe still
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  feel, and in some way makes it more real.
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  So this week, unexpectedly, I got that validation and it came
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  from somebody that had a hand in me being let go.
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  During the meeting where I would find out that I was being let go
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  from my job, the HR person actually said we've never had
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  anyone be so effective in a design role at this company.
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  See, that's the thing. I wasn't being let go because I
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  wasn't good at my job. There were other reasons, things
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  that weren't being talked about. I knew them and my boss knew
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  them, but in this meeting they were irrelevant.
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  The decision had been made and I would like to say that at the
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  time I was accepting and good with it.
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  But in reality, so much of the conversation was so upside down,
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  none of it made sense. And at that time, all I wanted
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  was for things to make sense. But it was going to take time
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  before I could figure out how I was going to make things right
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  for me. But first, I had to deal with
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  the immediateness of their decision.
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  I wasn't going to be working at the place that I had called home
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  for a few years. So this week when I got a call
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  unexpectedly from an old colleague saying that my name
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  had come up favorably, I was caught off guard.
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  I said on the phone, not really knowing what I was hearing.
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  The words were going in, but I wasn't processing.
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  This person told me that one of the people that had a hand in
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  letting me go had said that they missed me, that they cared for
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  me, and that they wish things had turned out differently
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  because now they were able to admit that my boss had a way of
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  destroying good people. And this person said that I was
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  one of the good people that he had gone out of his way to
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  destroy. I got off the phone and I went
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  about my day. But the next day I felt on edge
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  and I didn't know why until all of a sudden it hit me.
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  I had been suppressing what I had heard.
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  It was validation coming three years late.
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  And all the time in between I had been growing.
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  I had been changing, but when I heard those words said to me
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  that that person viewed my old boss's actions as destructive
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  and that I was the beneficiary of that destruction, I was
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  brought back to who I used to be and I mourned for her.
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  I gave myself a day, maybe 2, to remember what it was like to be
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  that person. See, weeks leading up to me
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  being let go, I already knew that I wasn't going to last at
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  that job much longer. It had become unbearable in so
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  many ways. I wasn't even recognizing myself
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  at the time. I leaned on my Co workers.
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  I didn't know how to make it through otherwise.
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  Maybe that was asking too much of them.
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  It probably was. You know, the trouble with being
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  friends as Co workers is that just like you, they're there for
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  the paycheck. Yes, of course you pray that the
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  job is going to be rewarding enough that you go for the work.
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  But at the end, if you're too much of A rebel rouser, you
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  speak up too much. You defend your Co workers, what
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  you believe in. You could put a target on your
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  back. You could lose your job and that
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  means losing safety, Being friends with Co workers, it's
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  tough. In my situation, it was very
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  tough. I'd consider these people
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  similar to family. I was traveling with them,
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  spending long days with them, and then all of a sudden I
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  wasn't. I wasn't much of anything to
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  anyone that was there anymore. But I moved on, like we all do.
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  The days passed and little by little I forgot.
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  Forgot about all of it. But there'd be those moments
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  where I wouldn't. I was still trying to work out
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  my exit package. I had an idea of what I deserved
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  and they had an idea of what they thought I deserved.
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  They kept rewriting history and as more time went on, I started
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  realizing I didn't need to be beholden to their new truth.
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  I needed to take care of myself. It was in one very swift action
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  that I started to release the people pleaser on me.
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  When I took legal action against them, I took a step in my
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  direction. A direction of respect, self
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  love, and understanding that being the nice guy doesn't get
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  you what you want, even if we think it should.
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  With every day that passed, I kept taking steps away from
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  being a people pleaser. I think it comes with the
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  territory. When you do take legal action
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  against someone, you have to remember everything that
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  happened. You have to plant your flag in
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  your truth. And I did, I did boldly, and I
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  didn't look back. You can't look back.
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  You can't undo those kind of moves.
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  And the truth is, I didn't want to.
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  I actually love the truth. I love it so much that when I
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  was free to speak it over and over, I relished in that time.
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  And the more I did, the more I realized that it wasn't so
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  scary. Burning a bridge, saying another
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  goodbye, or accepting that goodbyes had already been said
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  without my knowledge. I talk a lot about toxic work
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  environments, toxic relationships.
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  I talk a lot about acceptance, moving on, letting go.
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  But some things, they're harder to shake.
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  They're harder to understand and reconcile.
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  Sometimes it's not about understanding, it's about just
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  getting by, moving on. But when I heard that news from
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  that former Co worker of mine that I finally was validated,
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  that the truth was finally spoken, but not just by me but
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  by others, I realized I had to keep moving forward.
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  I had to take bigger strides, bigger leaps, dig deeper, learn
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  more about myself, learn more about why it is that people do
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  the things they do, and then understand that I will never
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  understand people's actions. I just can't.
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  I can never put myself in people's shoes when they do what
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  I perceive to be bad things to good people.
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  I don't want to understand them. In the past, I used to pride
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  myself on trying to understand everybody, look for the good in
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  everybody, see the best in them, and in doing so, I suppressed
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  seeing the worst, seeing their dark side.
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  I don't want to do that anymore. Here's a place where I want to
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  welcome in accepting who somebody is, accepting what they
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  say, and move on. I don't want to think they're
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  kidding. I don't want to think I
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  misheard. I don't want anyone to think
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  that they misheard. I think the further and further
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  I get away from the old version of myself, the old programming,
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  the old constructs that I invested in, the old labels that
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  I had, that I cared for, I start finding more and more of my
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  essence, what I really value, what I cherish.
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  And I think it makes it easier for me to care a little bit less
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  about what I used to care about now.
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  I don't want to sound jaded, so hopefully I don't.
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  I think I just want to sound aware.
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  I think that that's where all of the light comes in, through
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  awareness. The more aware you are about how
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  you are, how you got here, how you operate, how somebody else
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  is in context to you, the more you see things clearly, the more
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  you can make measured decisions, good decisions for yourself,
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  because ultimately those are the kind of decisions you have to be
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  making, not good decisions for somebody else, because making
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  good decisions for somebody else.
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  That sounds really selfless, but I can promise you is that I held
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  out so much trying to make good decisions for other people,
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  trying to play polite so that I could somehow be rewarded down
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  the line. And that outcome, it wasn't
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  coming. I had to seek it.
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  I had to go after what I wanted. And I can't do it silently,
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  politely. I have to do it fully.
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  And that means speaking up, saying what I think, and asking
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  for what I believe I deserve. I remember when I was a senior
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  in high school, I was told that I wouldn't be able to graduate
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  high school because my father hadn't paid the last installment
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  of the bill. I went to a private school at
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  the time, and I asked to talk to the person in charge of
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  payments. She said she had never sat with
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  a student before and that this would be a first, but that she
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  was willing to talk to me. I sat in front of her and I said
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  I think I deserve a scholarship and she said nobody deserves
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  anything. We earn things we get.
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  So I sat in front of her and I listed why I earned that
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  scholarship. I had very good reason.
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  I had the best grades in the grade at the time.
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  I was a fine art painter and I went to an International
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  Baccalaureate school and my art was recognized internationally
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  by an award that I was given, an award that was given to only a
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  few students in America. She told me that I had to go to
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  each of my teachers and get them to write a letter endorsing that
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  I get the scholarship so I could graduate from high school.
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  I wasn't scared to ask them for this.
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  Some people, they would have been ashamed, embarrassed.
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  I felt comfortable. I knew I had earned it, and I
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  knew that whatever they were going to write was going to
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  confirm that I got that scholarship, but it came with
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  some strings attached. I had to paint a portrait of the
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  Dean of the school. I fulfilled my promise and I
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  graduated, and I learned the valuable lesson that we have to
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  go after what we've earned. So when I think of the story
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  from my high school, I think about now how I earned my
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  resolution with my former job, my former boss, and myself.
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  I earned myself, respect, myself, love, my outlook.
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  I earned my awareness and my truth.
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  I wish it didn't take tough things to bring us to these
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  places. These places where you're forced
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  to make a decision that maybe you don't want to make, you're
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  not ready to make, or you're not comfortable making it because
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  who you are currently isn't ready to be different.
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  Choose the path you've walked so long on, or choose the unknown.
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  But when you get to that fork in the road, know that there's been
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  so many things that have gone the same that have led you
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  there. That when you have a choice to
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  do different, really consider the next steps in a new
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  direction. After I spoke up and I didn't
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  back down, I realized that I had earned respect.
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  But in order for me to understand the gift respect
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  brings, I had to 1st understand that I didn't have much self
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  respect. So I was going to have to get
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  that first. I had never had it, but it was
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  time I figure out how to earn it.
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  So I said a course. I can't say I had a compass.
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  When you've never had something, it's really hard to go seek it.
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  So I listen to books about other people that had to earn their
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  own self respect, find it along their life's journey.
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  It was tough. It was tough for me to listen to
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  those stories and tougher for me to have to go through finding
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  it. Because as you go through
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  finding it, you have to remember every time you let it slip
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  through your fingers when you said yes to something you wish
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  you had said no to, or when you had done something you wish you
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  weren't asked in the 1st place to do.
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  But I wouldn't trade looking back for anything.
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  It brought me forward faster. And along the way I also found
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  self love and self worth. I found my truth.
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  I guess you could say I found me.
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  So I'm not unhappy with how that whole job situation turned out.
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  Mainly because I grew more from that experience and that
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  toxicity than I'd ever grown from anything because I was
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  forced to get aware. I was forced to let the light
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  in. And I did.
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  I opened that window wide and I let all the light wash over me.
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  And I guess you could say hearing that I was validated
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  after so many years by somebody I used to work with, it hit.
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  And now I can close the chapter on that and be grateful.
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  Thanks for listening. These episodes are unscripted.
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  They're my free flowing thoughts as I reflect back on past
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  conversations, experiences, what I've learned would like to do
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  better, and what's next. Join me on Thursdays for new
• 15:07
  episodes and catch up on past episodes.
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  Click Follow, Like and subscribe and let's see where this leads.