Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 703: When Your Ex Thinks You Don't Care Anymore

Transcript

Episode 703: When Your Ex Thinks You Don't Care Anymore · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  What if I told you the best way to get your ex back is to let
• 0:05
  them think you don't care? Sounds crazy, right?
• 0:09
  But here's a twist. When your ex believes you've
• 0:13
  moved on, something wild happens in their brain.
• 0:17
  And if you ever begged, pleaded, or stalked their Instagram at
• 0:21
  2:00 AM, you need to hear this. Most people panic after a
• 0:27
  breakup. If my ex thinks I don't care,
• 0:30
  they'll forget about me forever. But here's the truth.
• 0:34
  Love isn't logical, and in fact, the less you chase, the harder
• 0:41
  they'll question their decision. And today, I'm revealing exactly
• 0:45
  what happens when your ex thinks you don't care anymore.
• 0:50
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
• 0:52
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:55
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:58
  And welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
• 1:00
  If you haven't already, be sure to download my app Silencio to
• 1:04
  help you stay in no contact. And the link for that is
• 1:08
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:11
  So before I start, I want to clear something up.
• 1:15
  The title of this video or podcast can be taken two ways.
• 1:21
  The first way is that you don't care anymore about what happens
• 1:24
  to you because you're so upset about the breakup.
• 1:28
  So you may start drinking excessively, letting yourself
• 1:32
  go, not sleeping, not eating or eating too much, posting on
• 1:37
  social media about being depressed, etcetera.
• 1:40
  That is not the type of not caring I'm referring to.
• 1:43
  If this is you, you must absolutely, 100% make sure your
• 1:48
  ex does not find out that this is what you're going through, as
• 1:52
  it will not, I repeat NOT help your chances of getting your ex
• 1:58
  back. They're not going to come back
• 2:01
  out of pity, and if anything, it may even push them further away.
• 2:06
  What I'm referring to is that you don't care about the ending
• 2:11
  of the relationship, that you're going to carry on and continue
• 2:15
  to live your best life. So what happens when your ex
• 2:19
  sees this? Well, first, they're going to
• 2:23
  relax and not be defensive if you have any interactions with
• 2:28
  them since they're not worried about you trying to talk them
• 2:31
  into coming back or trying to get them back.
• 2:34
  When you leave them alone and use the no contact rule, they no
• 2:39
  longer have to be defensive because they're no longer
• 2:42
  fighting to maintain the breakup.
• 2:45
  And when you do this, they get out of the relief stage sooner,
• 2:50
  which I talk about in my video about the stages that a dumper
• 2:54
  goes through. And I'll post the link in the
• 2:56
  upper right hand corner on YouTube if you're interested.
• 3:00
  Next, you're no longer seen as an enemy.
• 3:04
  As I've mentioned several times in other videos, a breakup is
• 3:09
  like a declaration of war. Your ex doesn't want you in
• 3:13
  their life, at least not romantically, and you want to be
• 3:16
  in their life romantically. So when you have two opposing
• 3:20
  sides fighting, that's a war. Once they see that you're no
• 3:25
  longer on the opposite side, you're no longer trying to be in
• 3:30
  their life romantically, they'll let their guard down.
• 3:35
  When they see that you're not fighting for them, they can stop
• 3:38
  trying to get away from you. It doesn't mean they'll start
• 3:41
  running towards you, at least not right away.
• 3:45
  But at least they'll stop trying to get away from you.
• 3:49
  Next, you preserve your dignity and you may not care about that
• 3:54
  now, but down the road, no matter what happens, whether you
• 3:58
  get back together or not, you're going to be happy that you did
• 4:02
  by walking away and not begging, pleading, or making grand
• 4:06
  gestures that usually don't work anyway.
• 4:10
  Bombarding them with texts or phone calls, crying, showing up
• 4:13
  at their house or their job. By not doing those things, you
• 4:18
  instantly become more attractive because you're maintaining your
• 4:23
  dignity through a difficult situation.
• 4:27
  Otherwise, they're going to feel very justified their decision
• 4:30
  and think, thank God I got away from this person.
• 4:32
  They're unstable. Everyone admires someone who can
• 4:36
  be strong in the face of an apparent defeat.
• 4:40
  Their respect for you will go up and that's the beginning of
• 4:42
  reattraction because you cannot have love without respect.
• 4:47
  And by the way, if you'd like more help with no contact, go to
• 4:51
  nocontactsecrets.com or you can download my book and the link to
• 4:56
  that is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 4:59
  Years ago I had been dating this guy for a few months and I
• 5:02
  wasn't happy about some things. So I tried to break up with him.
• 5:07
  And I say tried because when I told him I wanted to break up,
• 5:11
  he immediately accepted it and said I understand.
• 5:14
  I want you to be happy. And if you're not happy, then I
• 5:17
  don't want to be in the way. Well, that immediately melted my
• 5:21
  defenses and suddenly I didn't want to break up anymore.
• 5:26
  Something else that happens when it seems that you don't care
• 5:30
  about the breakup is you become more attractive.
• 5:33
  In other words, your ex's interest in you goes up.
• 5:37
  And if you've heard me talk about interest level before, you
• 5:41
  know that on a scale of one to 100, when someone's interest
• 5:45
  level in you is below 50, that's when they break break up with
• 5:49
  you. They were turned off and they
• 5:52
  think they can do better. So by leaving them alone,
• 5:57
  they're going to think that you're over it.
• 6:00
  When you don't chase and beg. You look confident since most
• 6:04
  people who are dumped do exactly that.
• 6:06
  And this leads to them making all kinds of assumptions such as
• 6:12
  you have other options. You weren't that interested to
• 6:15
  begin with. Maybe you were even thinking of
• 6:17
  breaking up with them and could they even get you back if they
• 6:22
  changed their mind? And that's when they begin to
• 6:24
  get curious. And you definitely need for your
• 6:27
  ex to get curious because that's when they start to move towards
• 6:31
  you rather than being at a standstill or trying to get away
• 6:34
  from you. They're going to have a lot of
• 6:36
  unanswered questions and as the late great Doc Love would always
• 6:41
  say, that question mark becomes a hook which hooks them in.
• 6:47
  And Doc Love is also the person who I first learned about
• 6:50
  interest level from. So if you want more of Doc
• 6:53
  Love's wisdom, I have the link to his book underneath every
• 6:56
  single video. Now if their relationship was 1
• 6:59
  sided and you were the only one chasing, reaching out, showing a
• 7:04
  lot of interest in your partner, this will rewire that unbalanced
• 7:09
  dynamic. When they break up with you and
• 7:13
  it seems that you don't care, it will definitely impact them.
• 7:18
  They could have sworn you were going to keep chasing even
• 7:22
  though they dumped you. Well why wouldn't you?
• 7:25
  You were doing it in the relationship, so why wouldn't
• 7:28
  you be doing it post relationship?
• 7:31
  Now they're seeing a side of you they hadn't seen before and it's
• 7:36
  going to make them question their decision to break up with
• 7:38
  you. So flip the tables on them and
• 7:41
  show them that you respect yourself too much to chase after
• 7:45
  they dumped you. The more respect you have for
• 7:48
  yourself, the more respect they're going to have for you.
• 7:52
  And by the way, if you're serious about getting your ex
• 7:54
  back, you can book one-on-one coaching with me at
• 7:57
  theartoflove.net/coaching and the direct link is underneath
• 8:02
  every video and podcast. Something else that happens when
• 8:06
  your ex sees that you don't care anymore is that you come across
• 8:10
  as strong and not needy. If you were weak and needy in
• 8:15
  the relationship, this is going to create what's called
• 8:18
  cognitive dissonance, which is a mental discomfort that's
• 8:22
  experienced when a person holds 2 opposing beliefs.
• 8:27
  They believed you were weak and needy, but now they see that
• 8:31
  you're strong and not needy. That's when the magic happens.
• 8:36
  This is the beginning of them wondering if perhaps they made a
• 8:40
  mistake in breaking up with you. They can't change their mind
• 8:44
  about dumping you until they start to question their decision
• 8:47
  to dump you in the 1st place. Now I want to hear from you.
• 8:51
  How long have you been in no contact and how's it going?