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Guarding the Fire | The Unsafe Wound Stole Your Warmth · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:01
  Good morning everyone. Welcome back to unlocking the
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  Paradigm portal. My name is Sarah.
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  As promised, I am dropping an episode every single day this
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  week. So Monday we talked about the
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  unworthy wound, the one that took your matches, yesterday was
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  the unlovable wound, the one that took your hearth, and today
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  is the unsafe wound. And I'm going to spend a little
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  more time naming this one because this isn't just some
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  people's wound. This is everyone's wound.
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  Every single person listening right now is carrying some
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  version of this. The only difference is how loud
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  it is, when it formed, and how long it's been running the show.
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  Same promise as yesterday, though.
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  We're naming it. We're not moving in because
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  what's underneath is where I actually want to take you.
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  So here's the first thing I want you to understand about the
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  unsafe wound. It doesn't only form in
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  childhood. It doesn't require a difficult
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  upbringing or a dramatic origin story.
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  It forms any time, at any age, at any stage in life when
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  something happens to make your nervous system decide the ground
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  shifts without warning. I cannot afford to be caught off
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  guard again. Maybe it was childhood, an
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  unpredictable home, a parent whose emotional temperature you
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  learn to read before you could read words, Love that was warm 1
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  moment and withdrawn the next, with no pattern to tell you
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  which one was coming. Maybe it was a relationship that
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  rewired you, one that started safe and became something else,
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  that that taught your body, not your mind, your body, that
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  people you trust can become people you don't recognize, and
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  that by the time you figure it out, it might be too late.
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  Maybe it was a loss, a diagnosis, a financial collapse,
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  A betrayal, a season of life where everything you thought was
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  solid turned out not to be and your nervous system took notes.
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  Maybe it was the slow accumulation of a world that
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  kept showing you through disappointment after
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  disappointment, through systems that failed you, through people
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  who let you down. That safety is not something you
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  can count on. It honestly doesn't matter when
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  it happened or how it happened. What matters is what the nervous
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  system learned from it. Stay on all the way on all the
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  time. Scan the room before you've said
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  a word. Read the energy before anyone
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  has spoken. Anticipate 12 steps ahead, not
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  because you're a planner, but because staying ahead of what
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  might happen feels like the only form of control available.
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  And then something genuinely good happens.
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  A quiet season, a safe relationship.
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  A Tuesday with nothing actually wrong.
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  And your body softens. The guard comes down and
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  something in your chest unclenches, and then the nervous
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  system panics at its own softness and it double s down.
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  It finds the thing to worry about.
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  It manufacturers threat where there isn't 1, because at least
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  threat is familiar. At least scanning feels like
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  control. You couldn't just enjoy the good
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  thing, and you've never quite understood why.
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  That's the unsafe wound. That's what it looks like.
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  And that nervous system that built it, It wasn't broken.
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  It was brilliant. It kept you safe when safe was
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  not guaranteed. It just never got the memo that
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  the war is over and now we're done talking about it.
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  Because here's what I actually want you to think about today.
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  Before the unsafe wound needed to exist.
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  Before whatever happened that made your nervous system decide
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  the guard needed to stay up. That part of you didn't scan.
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  It didn't read the room before deciding whether to be fully
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  present. It didn't brace for the shift
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  before anyone had indicated one was coming.
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  It didn't manufacture worry in the middle of a good thing just
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  to feel like it had some control over what happened next.
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  It just showed up fully in the moment, in the warmth of
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  whatever was good right now, without immediately calculating
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  how long it would last or what would happen when it ended.
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  It sat by the fire and expected to be warm and it let people sit
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  close without doing a threat assessment 1st.
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  And it rested. Like actually rested, not just
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  stop moving inside its own skin. And it wanted company,
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  genuinely, openly, without the walls and the drawbridge and the
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  pre emptive defense system. It wanted someone to come sit by
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  the fire and tell stories in the firelight, and it wanted to
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  share the warmth without spending the whole time watching
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  to make sure nobody picked up a bucket.
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  Do you remember that? Even a flicker of it.
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  A moment where you were fully present in something good
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  without one part of your brain monitoring the exits.
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  Maybe it was before whatever happened that formed the wound.
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  Maybe it shows up in rare moments even now, like a flash
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  of genuine ease or a second of real presence before the
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  scanning kicks back in. That's not a fantasy.
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  That's who you actually are underneath the wound.
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  That's the part of you, the unsafe wound, buried under the
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  exhausting, relentless work of staying ready for something that
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  isn't coming anymore. So the wound took your ease,
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  your ability to be fully here without one eye on what's next.
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  And that part of you has been wanting to put the bucket watch
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  down for a very long time, so that part of you knew something
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  the wound has been drowning out ever since.
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  The fire doesn't need a defense system, it needs tending.
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  There's a difference between the two, and it's everything.
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  Defending means standing between the fire and the world, arms
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  out, eyes scanning, never actually sitting next to it.
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  Tending means being close enough to feel the heat, to add a log
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  when it needs one, to let it warm you when you are warming
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  it. The unsafe wound turned you into
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  a defender, and defenders are cold, and not because the fire
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  isn't burning, it is, but because you've been so focused
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  on protecting it from everyone else that you forgot to let it
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  do what the fire is actually for.
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  What would it feel like to sit down next to it?
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  Not stand guard over it, Just sit next to it.
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  Let it warm you. Let someone you trust pull their
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  chair close, let the good thing just be without immediately
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  bracing for when it ends? What would you do today if your
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  nervous system wasn't spending half its energy scanning for
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  what's wrong? And what have you been missing
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  because you were too busy watching the perimeter to notice
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  what was right in front of you? To that part of you, the one
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  that sat by the fire and just let itself be warm, that's not
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  gone. It's been in there this whole
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  time, arms wrapped around its knees, wanting someone safe to
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  come and stay. And it built walls, but it never
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  stopped wanting the company. So how do you come back?
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  That's the big question. You start by giving your nervous
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  system evidence. Not arguments.
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  Evidence. The nervous system doesn't
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  respond to logic. It responds to experience.
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  Repeated, consistent felt experience that the threat isn't
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  coming. So the next time your body
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  softens, the next time the guard comes down and something in you
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  unclenches, don't immediately fill the space with worry.
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  I know that's a big ask. Just notice it, OK?
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  Put your hand on your chest and say this is what safe feels like
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  right now, in this moment, I am OK.
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  The mantra that I use when this one comes up, I put my hands on
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  my chest and I close my eyes and I breathe and I say I'm scared
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  and I'm safe. I'm scared and I am safe.
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  And you don't have to do this forever.
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  It's not a guarantee about tomorrow or next week or what
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  happens when this good thing eventually changes.
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  Just right now, this moment, nothing is wrong.
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  And let that land for 30 seconds before the scanning starts back
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  up. That's it. 30 seconds of just
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  being here, warm, present, not watching the perimeter.
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  Do that enough times and the nervous system starts to build a
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  new file. Safety exists.
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  Good things last. Sometimes the ground doesn't
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  always shift. And when it does, I have
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  survived it before, and I Will Survive it again.
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  But right now it is not shifting.
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  Right now I am OK. And then slowly, with people who
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  have earned it, let someone sit closer to the fire.
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  Not everyone, and not all at once.
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  The discernment you developed from reading rooms and scanning
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  for threat? That's actually a gift.
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  So use it wisely. Find the people who have shown
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  up consistently, who have sat near your fire before and never
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  once reached for the bucket, who were there before the wound
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  form, or who have proven themselves safe since, and let
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  them in. A little closer than yesterday,
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  a little more present than last time, a little less defended,
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  and a little more warm. So the wound taught you that the
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  only safe fire is a defended 1. The reclamation is learning that
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  the right people sitting close to it don't put it out.
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  They make it burn brighter. So the unsafe wound didn't make
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  you broken. It made you extraordinarily
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  perceptive, deeply attuned, someone who can feel the shift
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  in a room before anyone else has registered it.
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  Those are real gifts, and keep them.
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  But you don't have to be on duty every moment of every day.
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  Whatever form this wound, whenever it happened, however it
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  landed in your body, that season is not this season.
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  And that part of you that's been sitting by the fire alone,
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  wanting company, building walls while quietly hoping someone
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  safe would find their way through, it's freaking exhausted
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  and it's ready. So sit down next to your own
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  fire and let it warm you. Give your nervous system 30
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  seconds of just I'm here, I'm safe, I'm warm, I'm present.
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  And then let one person pull their chair just a little bit
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  closer. The drawbridge doesn't have to
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  come all the way down today. It just has to come down a tiny
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  little bit. So as always, keep kicking ass.
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  Enjoy your Wednesday. I'm off today and I will be back
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  tomorrow for another one. Like share, subscribe, hype,
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  whatever. All the things just keep coming
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  back. Keep tending your fire, keep
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  growing. I will see you tomorrow.