Latest / Math Therapy / How I talked my way out of an anxiety spiral

Transcript

How I talked my way out of an anxiety spiral · Math Therapy

• 0:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, guys.
• 0:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Hi.
• 0:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: Welcome to another episode of Math Therapy.
• 0:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm your host, Vanessa Vakharia, and today's outline was written by David, actually.
• 0:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: He wrote me an organized outline.
• 0:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: He was like,"Vanessa, get it together.
• 0:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm gonna write you an outline.
• 0:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Just follow the outline." So I am not responsible for anything I say.
• 0:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's not true.
• 0:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: I am.
• 0:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let's see what happens now that for the first time I have an outline written by David in front of me.
• 0:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: Update number one, oh my fucking God, guys.
• 0:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: our Texas Instruments giveaway was insane.
• 0:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay?
• 0:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: So in case you missed it, we are officially sponsored by Texas Instruments for the next few months.
• 0:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: We are celebrating Texas Instruments Evo calculator, the TI Evo.
• 0:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is stunning.
• 0:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is gorgeous.
• 0:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: She has so many cool features.
• 0:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways, once a month for the next three months, we are giving away one of these calculators and this whole gift box that comes with it, and last week's episode was the first episode where we shared the giveaway, shared how to enter it, and by the way, every single month, there will be a different way to enter it.
• 1:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: We got over 100 entries.
• 1:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: It was insane, and we have picked the winner.
• 1:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: We used a spreadsheet randomizer.
• 1:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Very nerdy, very cool.
• 1:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: We have already replied to the winner with instructions on how to claim the prize, and it's so exciting.
• 1:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: But, and also, I get how excited everyone is about this because I'm also excited about the entire thing.
• 1:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: But if you didn't win, don't panic, okay, because we're giving away one Oh My Math Box each month for the next three months, so you'll have more chances.
• 1:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: One episode in June, one episode in July.
• 1:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can't tell you which one it's gonna be.
• 1:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: You have to listen to the podcast every week to find out, and you'll know.
• 1:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: You'll know because, well, at the beginning of the episode, we will tell you.
• 1:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, cool.
• 1:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: So stay subscribed.
• 1:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Listen every week so you don't miss a chance to win.
• 1:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Number two, now that we've gotten that out of the way, what we're really going to be talking about, the heart of this episode is actually a follow-up, a debrief on what has happened since I recorded what can only be titled my meltdown episode.
• 2:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: It wasn't actually called my meltdown episode.
• 2:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: Let me actually look up what it was called so you know what I'm talking about.
• 2:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: It was called Why Smart People Still Feel Out of Control and What to Do About It.
• 2:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: It came out May 7th, so a couple weeks ago, and in that episode, I, like, low-key, high-key ha- like, not a full meltdown, but I was really spiraling.
• 2:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was really spiraling about feeling out of control and feeling disorganized.
• 2:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was kind of the heart of it.
• 2:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: You should go listen to the entire thing.
• 2:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: The link is in the show notes.
• 2:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Um, and I basically use, like, math therapy strategies to talk me out of my anxiety spiral, and I've gotten a lot of incredible feed- I mean, first of all, let me just say, The reason we recorded it is because David forced me to because he was so annoyed at, like, the spiral I was in, and he was like,"I can't hear you talk about this anymore, so if you're gonna keep talking about it, please just pull the mic out, and record an episode." And I was like,"What?" So I did, and I wasn't really, like...
• 3:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: I, I was like,"Am I really releasing an episode where I, like, live, IRL just, like, start spiraling?" but we did, and I felt, I felt weird about it.
• 3:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was like,"I don't know if this is really gonna land," and this was definitely a, like, let me just trust my producer, AKA my best friend David, on this.
• 3:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: and I'm really glad I did.
• 3:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: N- honestly, listening back to it, it was, it, I felt very cringe, but it was worth it for the comments I got.
• 3:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because so many people reached out to me to be like,"That is exactly how I have felt so many times," or,"That's exactly how I feel," or, like,"So many people feel this way," or,"All of my friends talk about this all the time." And I'm going to say I got those messages from people who I would consider very organized, so I was kind of, like, surprised.
• 3:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: It really felt while I was recording that episode that my inability to feel organized was, like, a personal failing, and I, ugh, you know, I think this is why- I'm so happy that we're having so many conversations around math anxiety.
• 4:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Just to flip the switch here for a second, although I will say my meltdown was kind of related to math anxiety because it all started with me spiraling about my taxes, which by the way, so many people messaged me to be like,"The exact same thing happens to me with my taxes." Actually, I wanna read, okay, this is a math teacher, a math podcaster, and she says...
• 4:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Oh my God, Vanessa, I'm 100% like you when it comes to taxes.
• 4:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Thank you so much for making that episode.
• 4:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: My husband always asks me how I can have a mathematics degree, come from a family of accountants, and still fuck up our taxes every time.
• 4:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: I mean, I don't actually, but I do 100% stress the F out about them and have crazy anxiety over it.
• 4:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: Glad to know I'm not alone." So here's actually the crazy thing about this.
• 4:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's so funny that she's like,"How do I still fuck up our taxes every time?" Right?
• 4:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: But, and then the next sentence she's like,"I mean, I don't actually." But it doesn't matter'cause the...
• 4:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: Well, it does matter, but it's like the feeling is the thing, and this reminds me so much of math anxiety where k- where kids will be like,"I just make mistakes every time.
• 5:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can't get it right every time." Like, this kinda thing.
• 5:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: And then when you pause to be like,"Well, is that true?
• 5:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Have you never gotten a right answer?" This is something I call the choose again method, by the way, championed by Gabby Bernstein, where you actually interrogate your negative self-talk to be like,"Wait a second.
• 5:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is that actually true?
• 5:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: Can I pick a t- another thought to replace that thought with that is true?" So in this case,"I fuck up our taxes every time" might turn into a thought that's,"I don't actually, but I am stressed every time." And you can see how that second thought has so much more power than the first thought, which is a, a thought that just shuts you down.
• 5:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: Why are you ever gonna do your taxes if you fuck them up every time?
• 5:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: But if you're like,"I don't fuck them up, but I know I stress out about it," that gives you an opening to try again, to try to get help.
• 5:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: With math, if you're like,"I never get anything right," well, why are you gonna bother trying?
• 5:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: Whereas if the thought changes to,"Well, sometimes I get things right, but even when I do, I'm really stressed," there is an opening to actually keep trying.
• 6:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways, okay.
• 6:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: This was-- I'm gonna tell you who this is because she has a podcast.
• 6:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: this is Kristen, Modern Math Teacher podcast.
• 6:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's the person who sent me the message, so I just wanted to share that.
• 6:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: So part of this is, why I'm so happy I talked about it, I know it was in a very public forum, but why I think it's important to talk about these things, is because it reminds us that feelings are not facts.
• 6:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm gonna say that again.
• 6:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Feelings are not facts, right?
• 6:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, again, going back to what Kristen said.
• 6:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Hi, Kristen, by the way.
• 6:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Thank you so much for letting us use you as a case study.
• 6:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Um, this idea of I feel like I fuck up my taxes every time." The fact is that I don't, right?
• 6:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: And that, and sitting in that really changes things.
• 6:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: It doesn't necessarily make the feeling go away, but it certainly takes the temperature down.
• 6:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: It takes the charge out of the feeling because now you're like,"Ugh, this feeling feels icky, but I do...
• 6:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: a part of me knows it is not rooted in truth." And for me, hearing from you guys, like, that validation of like,"I feel this way, too." Like, there are lots of people that feel this way who you, Vanessa, would consider organized.
• 7:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: That took the charge away from me being like,"Oh my God.
• 7:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: I feel disorganized.
• 7:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm such a hot mess," to being like,"Okay, I feel disorganized, but objectively, my life is not a mess.
• 7:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: My taxes, I, I didn't, I didn't fuck them up." And other people feel this way tru- too who are organized, so the fact that you feel disorganized does not mean that you are disorganized.
• 7:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: The fact that you feel that you're bad at math does not mean that you are bad at math.
• 7:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: And that is why I always say the emotional component of math learning is so important, because it is not always rooted in ability and technicality and skill.
• 7:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is not always rooted in the actual math doing.
• 7:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is rooted in these feelings around it that have to be addressed.
• 7:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 7:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways.
• 7:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: I also wanna share three things I did after the episode that helped, because I am now coming to you in a state where I'm no longer in the spiral.
• 8:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm actually pretty chill.
• 8:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: I mean, chill, I don't sound chill, and like, I'm never really, like, chill.
• 8:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: But I'm like, I've definitely...
• 8:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: that whole organization piece is, like, in the rear view mirror.
• 8:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: I feel fine.
• 8:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know what I mean?
• 8:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm still s- I still have the general...
• 8:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: I think I always have the general, like,"Oh, I'm kind of behind, and I've got so much to do, and da da da da da," but it's a very different quality than the panic I was feeling when I recorded that other episode on May 7th.
• 8:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: So here are three things I did.
• 8:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because I think these are relevant to any form of anxiety and very relevant to math anxiety, because math anxiety is just another form of anxiety.
• 8:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: So while I'm listing these things, I'm gonna try to tie them into how I would u- Because, you know, the truth is, I wrote Math Therapy from a place of knowing so much about math anxiety, helping so many students through math anxiety, research on math anxiety, and my own experience with math anxiety and other anxiety.
• 8:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, every time I, uh, do a talk or talk to somebody or do an interview, everyone usually is like,"Oh, interesting," like, yeah, this is about math, but, you know, this can be applied to anything.
• 9:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: And so I'm gonna actually try and go through these and even, like, share how, how either this strategy came out of the classroom or how I would use it in the classroom or with someone with math anxiety.
• 9:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 9:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: First thing I did was myth bust.
• 9:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: If you guys know my book, that's actually the first step of math therapy, the first M of math therapy.
• 9:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: There's five Ms.
• 9:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: The first one is myth busting.
• 9:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is busting the myths you hold around your beliefs.
• 9:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: So in my book, I talk about myth busting the fact that there is such a thing as this person who can do math, right?
• 9:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, how do we bust that myth?
• 9:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: How do we get that out of someone's head so that they can see themselves as somebody who does math?
• 9:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: And then there's so many other things you have to bust, right?
• 9:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: There's so many other myths that you have to kind of, like, bust in order to make that true for you.
• 9:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: And myth busting is really just fact-checking.
• 9:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: So the first thing I did is, it's kind of funny, like, this is, this is really, like, aligning with what Kristen said here.
• 10:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: The first thing I actually did was I spoke to my accountant.
• 10:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I, I don't have an accountant because, as you know, in my last episode, I was like,"So if anyone's an accountant, please contact me." No one has contacted me, though.
• 10:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm really looking for an accountant.
• 10:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: I spoke to an accountant for my business, my tutoring business.
• 10:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways, I spoke to him.
• 10:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: He doesn't do my personal taxes, but I was like,"Can you just take a look at what I've done?
• 10:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: And, and let me-- can I ask you some questions?" Because so much of my spiral was around just, like, I, there's things I didn't understand around taxes, and I think when we don't understand things, we create stories, right?
• 10:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, that's kind of what happens is we don't understand things, so we either create stories about how those things work, or we go into fear mode, right?
• 10:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like,"I don't understand how this works, so I must be doing something wrong." So I spoke to my accountant and actually asked some questions, and he actually explained in a very kind and informative way and a way that did not make me feel dumb.
• 10:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: Thank you so much, Vincenzo, if you're listening.
• 10:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: He's definitely not listening.
• 11:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: Um, I actually asked him to come on the podcast, and he was like, before I even finished the question, he was like,"Nope." Anyways, so now I had some actual facts.
• 11:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: I wasn't just assuming that my finances were a mess.
• 11:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: I had some actual facts, and was like,"Honestly," like,"yeah," like,"this looks fine." And also There aren't that many hard-- like, there aren't many- that many ways to do this.
• 11:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was like,"But should I be doing this?
• 11:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: Should I be declaring this as this?
• 11:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Should this be in this category?" And he was like,"That's actually not how it works." Like, he explained some things I really had not understood, and really de-escalated me.
• 11:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was like, at the end of it, I was like,"Oh," like, maybe there's a couple things I could do differently next year, but I'm not doing anything, like, crazy wrong." And,"Oh, I didn't realize the system worked in this way." So that was really helpful to just fact-check, myth bust, right?
• 11:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, myth bust the idea that, like, I'm doing all this stuff wrong, and, like, making up how things work at the CRA or the IRS, if you're American, or where- whatever, whatever.
• 11:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: And this is, to me, really like clarifying something for a student.
• 12:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: I remember when I was, like, at the height of my failing math, the thing that got me was quadratics.
• 12:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: I had no clue.
• 12:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was like,"It's this crazy fucking thing.
• 12:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: I have no idea how to do it.
• 12:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: There's like 5,000 steps." And I remember when my friend Emily actually tutored me.
• 12:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: She was my first, tutor.
• 12:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: I remember she, like, demystified it for me, I think it was, like, factoring quadratics or it was the quadratic formula.
• 12:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: She was like,"Find A, B, and C, plug them into the quadratic formula." And I was like Oh my God, this is actually quite simple.
• 12:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: It just felt like such a mess'cause I didn't understand it, and there was these, like, X squares and this parabola, and like, that formula, the quadratic formula looks fucking insane, right?
• 12:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: You're like,"Oh my God." But I...
• 12:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, she just taught me step by step how to do it, and it completely took the temp- turned the temperature down, and I was like,"Oh, wow," right?
• 12:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: So that to me is very similar to, to me talking to my accountant.
• 12:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: The second thing I did to myth bust how I was feeling, this was a big one, guys.
• 12:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: I surveyed people.
• 12:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: I surveyed people who I considered very organized people who are on top of shit, and I surveyed them about their to-do lists.
• 13:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was my obsession if you recall.
• 13:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was like,"I don't have the right to-do list system," like, da, da, da, da, da.
• 13:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I asked people.
• 13:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was like,"What to-do list do you use?
• 13:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: How do you organize yourself?" Okay.
• 13:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's what I learned.
• 13:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: I thought there was, like, some miracle, like, solution to all of this.
• 13:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, s- people were gonna be like,"It's this app," and like,"This is how I use it." No.
• 13:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: Person number one, okay, my friend Lee, she was like,"I just put things in a Google Calendar." I was like,"What do you mean?" She was like,"I just put the things I have to do in a Google Calendar, and every day I write down the three things I'm gonna do that day." And I was like,"Okay." My friend Carrie, honestly one of the most organized people I know, she was like,"I write things down.
• 13:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: Everything is handwritten." I was like,"How, how are you doing that?" Like, handwriting, like, what if you have to change things around?
• 13:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: This did not seem to be a problem for her.
• 13:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: She was like,"I write the things down.
• 13:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know, they're next to my computer, and I have them written down." My friend Johnny, he was like,"I use the Apple's native, Reminders app." Like, no one actually that I talked to used a crazy app.
• 14:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm the one with the crazy app.
• 14:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've been using Trello.
• 14:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: I have, like, 40 lists I'm, like, reorgan- Like, it didn't really seem that way.
• 14:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, no one had this magical fix, like, you know what I mean?
• 14:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: And so here's what I realized.
• 14:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: Every single person had a different method, but every person had one thing in common, and that thing in common was every single one of them, every single one of them was like,"And every day I look at that list, I maybe reorganize some stuff, and I write down the top three things I need to get done that day." And I was like, wow.
• 14:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 14:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: So here's what's happening.
• 14:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: Here's what's happening.
• 14:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's not actually about the tool.
• 14:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I have a tool.
• 14:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: They all have a tool.
• 14:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's about using the tool properly.
• 14:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: This actually reminds me...
• 14:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: Holy shit, I did not think I was gonna make this connection.
• 14:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: This reminds me of my interview with Curtis Brown from Texas Instruments if you haven't listened to that one yet, that is called Oh, This Will Change the Way You Think About Calculators with Curtis Brown.
• 15:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was April, in April, April 9th.
• 15:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: This reminds me of that because we were talking about calculators in this way of like, people wanna hate on the calculators or like...
• 15:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know what I mean?
• 15:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: And be like,"Oh, calculators are responsible for kids not knowing math," da, da, da, da, da.
• 15:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: And the whole thing of that episode was like, it's not about the tool.
• 15:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can actually have a calculator and get all the math wrong.
• 15:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: If anybody, teaches trig, you know this, right?
• 15:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've had students get answers to an entire test wrong because their calculator was in radians instead of degrees.
• 15:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like you, if you know, you know.
• 15:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know what I mean?
• 15:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, you can, or you can get a million things wrong by not using brackets, and your calculator, you have one of the versions that doesn't have BEDMAS on it.
• 15:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, do you know what I mean?
• 15:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is what I learned.
• 15:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm like, I have the tool.
• 15:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: I don't need to be spending more time looking for a new to-do list app.
• 15:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm not using my tool properly.
• 15:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: And guys, I have to be honest, I'm still not.
• 15:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, for the first couple of days after I learned this, I was like, all right, get up in the morning, look at your list, reorganize things, move, you know, prioritize, pick three things to do.
• 16:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: I did it for two days.
• 16:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: It was amazing.
• 16:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: I stopped doing it, and now I'm like, oh God, I'm like so off track.
• 16:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: What am I supposed to be doing?
• 16:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: And it's like I'm just not using the tool properly.
• 16:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I think that is also really so...
• 16:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, the lesson there is crazy because it's like students have the tools.
• 16:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: They have their Chromebooks.
• 16:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: They have Desmos, like whatever, and so then they feel kind of dumb because they're like,"Well, it's not working," and it's, it could be because they don't know how to use the tool properly.
• 16:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know where I actually think this comes across the most?
• 16:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: Is in the concept of studying, right?
• 16:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: Students will be like,"Well, I'm studying." Like,"I'm..." You know what I mean?
• 16:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: They're studying, and then they don't get the results they want, and then they're like,"See?
• 16:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: I can't do it." But then you find out that their version of studying was reading the notes over and over again or doing questions and never checking the solutions, so they never knew they were doing the questions wrong.
• 16:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you're like, oh, you're doing the thing, but you're not doing it in an effective way, and if I could just show you this tweak, that would change everything.
• 16:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: But there's nothing like feeling like you're doing the thing and not getting the results you want.
• 16:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: And for, in my case, I was like, I have this to-do list.
• 17:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's so...
• 17:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I add the things to it.
• 17:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: I have them organized by date.
• 17:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: And it's like, yeah, but I wasn't using the tool effectively.
• 17:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: So myth-busting all of that was so helpful, and can I tell you something else?
• 17:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Every per- every one of these people I talk to were like, you know, I also feel disorganized.
• 17:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: I also feel like I'm juggling stuff, and like, I don't..." You know, they were like,"I don't always get everything done on my to-do list." And I was like, oh, okay, so it's not a personal failing if I don't get everything done on my to-do list.
• 17:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's not a personal failing if you make some mistakes in math class, right?
• 17:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I think we just have this assumption that other people do these things to perfection.
• 17:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, so that was the first thing I did, myth-bust the myth of the tool, myth-bust the idea that everyone else has a better system than me, myth-bust the fact that because I didn't understand all my taxes, I was doing them wrong, myth-bust some of my actual beliefs about how taxes work.
• 17:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Step number two was organize, but more importantly, I prioritized.
• 17:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: I did that for a couple of days as you just know, right?
• 17:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was trying to incorporate prioritizing as more of a routine, this daily routine.
• 18:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: That is the key of what everyone told me, and I have to say, I've fallen off the wagon there.
• 18:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: But when I was doing that, it really, really did help, you know?
• 18:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: So there was that piece.
• 18:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: And then there was also the piece of I get in the habit of, like, something might not be a priority, but it's easier to do, so I'll do that thing instead, being like,"Oh, well, I'm doing stuff on my to-do list." But then I end the day stressed because I haven't done the one thing that I really needed to get done or wanted to get done that was hard, right?
• 18:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I do find that even if I do, like, 10 tasks, but I don't do the one thing that I'm really avoiding, I feel uneasy, right?
• 18:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: And it's like, this is like classic to-do list psychology.
• 18:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, you're supposed to, like, put this thing on the top of your list that's like,"If I get this one thing done today, I'll feel amazing," right?
• 18:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: Or like, like all these other people, put their top three things they really wanna get done.
• 18:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is exactly like math to me, exactly.
• 18:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because students will do questions.
• 18:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Again, they'll study, they'll do all these questions, but they won't do the ones that they hate or that they're really avoiding, and then they still don't get that feeling of accomplishment or confidence because they kinda know in the back of their heads there's this thing lurking that they don't understand how to do.
• 19:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: So, like, I think this is a really good method, especially if you are, you're still assigning homework or you want students to do practice problems.
• 19:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Maybe we could actually...
• 19:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: That would be cool.
• 19:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Maybe we could treat our, our assigning of practice to students this way.
• 19:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, teach them the skill of being, like, put the top three problems on your list that you will feel amazing if you solve, and then put everything underneath that, right?
• 19:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: As opposed to being like,"Here's a sheet of practice problems.
• 19:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: Just work through them in order." Like, teach them how to prioritize what would be mo- most important for their self-efficacy and skill building.
• 19:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: And so that, I think, was, like, kind of a big deal for me to realize, and I'm still working on it.
• 19:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I remember I listened to this episode of Mel Robbins, and she was talking to, I can't remember.
• 19:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: I really can't remember.
• 19:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'll get David to put it in the show notes.
• 19:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: She was talking to, maybe it was Seth Godin.
• 19:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: That name rings a bell.
• 19:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: and he said something like,"You know, everyone dies with a to-do list." And I was like,"Oh my God." Right?
• 20:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's not like people, like, at some point in their lives are like,"Well, yeah, all right.
• 20:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've got nothing else to do.
• 20:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: There's nothing else on the list.
• 20:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I guess I'm done." No.
• 20:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: We live full lives, and we're constantly coming up with ideas and more things to do.
• 20:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, we replenish our to-do list the second it's empty.
• 20:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: So to remember, like, we're always gonna feel that way To some degree, that we're not done everything, and that's a good thing.
• 20:24
  Vanessa Vakharia: I think that's actually a gift to be like,"Wow, there's so much I wanna do." It's more about taking away the feeling of guilt of not doing those things and being like,"Yeah, there's so much I wanna do because I'm a human being with ideas." Like, cool.
• 20:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, awesome.
• 20:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: Whatever I get done is great.
• 20:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: You know what I mean?
• 20:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: And of course, there's things you have to get done, but most stuff I realized on my list, that was another thing about prioritizing.
• 20:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, as soon as I wrote or recorded that meltdown episode, I went to my list and was like,"I'm moving everything that is not essential to a non-essentials list." And it was hard.
• 20:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'd be like,"Oh, but I really wanna...
• 20:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: Oh, but it'd be so cool if I did that.
• 20:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: Oh, but..." It's like, yes, but is this essential?
• 20:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: No.
• 20:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: And once I...
• 20:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I wanted to get my friend a gift.
• 21:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm like, I, oh, but it's actually not essential.
• 21:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: It'd be nice if I got her a gift, but it wasn't essential.
• 21:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I moved everything to that list, and when I saw the essential stuff left on my list, I was like, okay, I have space for maybe five more things.
• 21:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Then I could go to the non-essentials list and move a couple things over that I really wanted to do.
• 21:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: But to keep being like, I only need to look at the essentials part of my list, and only if I have time do I look at the rest, that was important.
• 21:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, so step number one, the first thing I did was myth bust.
• 21:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: The second was organize, but more importantly, prioritize.
• 21:32
  Vanessa Vakharia: And the third is I released the pressure so I could actually get to work.
• 21:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: This was a huge deal.
• 21:37
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was spiraling.
• 21:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: You guys heard me.
• 21:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was spiraling.
• 21:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: I could not do anything.
• 21:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: All I was doing was moving shit around on my to-do list.
• 21:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's all I was doing, moving shit, moving shit, moving shit.
• 21:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, it was like I couldn't actually do any of the things on the list.
• 21:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: And I released the pressure.
• 21:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, first of all, I vented on the podcast, and I have to be honest, like, that is the thing that for me, like we're all different, but outer processing is the thing for me that helps me clarify.
• 22:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, some people clarify through journaling.
• 22:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: Actually, side note, guys, this is really important for me to say.
• 22:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: I used to be the most prolific journaler.
• 22:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: I have, like, literally boxes of journals from, like, high school onwards, you know what I mean?
• 22:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I have so many books, and I, every time I try to journal lately, I have to stop because my hand hurts, and the other day, I went to write someone a birthday card, and 30 seconds in, like, I c- my hand hurt so much.
• 22:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: And you know what I realized?
• 22:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: My hand hurts because I don't ever engage in the act of writing, so my hand muscles do not know how to do that task anymore.
• 22:40
  Vanessa Vakharia: How fucked is that?
• 22:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's been that long since I've written something that my hand hurts after th- 30 seconds.
• 22:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: And so, like, that means I have to start...
• 22:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: like, I, I, I felt like that was very disturbing to me.
• 22:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was like, this is actually messed up.
• 22:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: So I really, I don't wanna add this to my to-do list, but I really do think I need to practice writing for, like, 60 seconds a day and start building up.
• 23:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's like going to the gym for my hand.
• 23:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm not committing to doing this.
• 23:03
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm just telling you.
• 23:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways, okay, the point is- That my, like, outer processing for me is so essential.
• 23:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, you guys heard probably in that meltdown episode, why smart people still feel out of control and what to do about it.
• 23:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: I s- was de-escalated by the end.
• 23:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: I was really a lot calmer, and for me, outer processing is really the thing.
• 23:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's releasing that pressure.
• 23:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: And for others it might not be, like, start chatting live on a podcast.
• 23:28
  Vanessa Vakharia: It might be chatting with a friend, journaling, using a productivity app, an AI assistant.
• 23:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, whatever will help you get those feelings out.
• 23:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: I mean, I love talking to a friend and, and hearing that reflected back.
• 23:39
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, even surveying people and telling them how I felt really, really helped me, and it really, really took the pressure off so I co- actually focus on the task at hand and see things more clearly.
• 23:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: And in Math Therapy, I call this de-escalation, right?
• 23:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, we know that when we're in a state of anxiety, when we're in one of the four trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, which I was in many of those, right?
• 24:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I was, like, teetering between, like, flight and just being like,"Fuck this, I don't wanna do anything." Like, freeze, not being able to do a thing.
• 24:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: Fight, like, literally being so pissed off and angry that I was this way.
• 24:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, when we're in one of those, we can't actually do the thing we need to help ourselves.
• 24:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: So for me, outer processing really helped take the temperature down.
• 24:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: That's why one of, like, my biggest things I suggest in Math Therapy is when a student or a person is just like,"I can't do this.
• 24:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: I suck at this," is just being like,"Hey, hold on a second.
• 24:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, do you really feel that way?
• 24:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, tell me why." Or,"Did you h- have you had, like, bad experiences in math?" Or,"Can you remember a time when you didn't feel this way?" Helping somebody else engage in conversation is so helpful for them because clarity often comes as they are talking, right?
• 24:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: It doesn't come from us telling someone.
• 24:47
  Vanessa Vakharia: It comes from them revealing to themselves how they feel.
• 24:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: And that's also why Math Therapy journaling is such a big deal for me.
• 24:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, as you guys know, I have, like, pages and pages of journal prompts.
• 24:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: Maybe I'll make those available at some point.
• 25:00
  Vanessa Vakharia: If you guys want them, text the podcast if you're like,"I would love a journal prompt," and I'll find a way to make those available.
• 25:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Right now they're just available if you have my book, but I can just make a link available.
• 25:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: Anyways, journaling, talking, that kind of stuff is so important for so many people to release the pressure, right?
• 25:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Often when we talk it all out, we're like,"Okay, I can kinda see more clearly," or at least I feel seen and witnessed.
• 25:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: I think that's honestly probably a big thing for me, is, like, why I like talking to people so much more, whether it's a friend or whether it's on the podcast.
• 25:33
  Vanessa Vakharia: There is something really, really validating about being witnessed in your anxiety, of having somebody else see you hear you, acknowledge you, validate you, right?
• 25:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: And even better if someone can relate to you.
• 25:46
  Vanessa Vakharia: In trauma-informed education, we talk about this a lot of like students needing to be witnessed often.
• 25:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, if a student is acting up in class or they're exhibiting off-task behavior, often they really do need to be witnessed in that, right?
• 25:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: Because e- even though it can be really distracting to the class, to have a conversation with them about it, to say,"I acknowledge that something's going on with you," like, you know, that kind of idea can really, really be helpful to someone's healing.
• 26:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: So just throwing that out there.
• 26:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay.
• 26:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: Wow.
• 26:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: We did it.
• 26:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: I went through the things.
• 26:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm at, 30 minutes here, but, you know, David's probably taken some stuff out.
• 26:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: So just to recap, those three things, myth busting, organizing and prioritizing, releasing the pressure so I could actually get to work.
• 26:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: I do honestly feel so much better, but I will say the thing, the fourth thing, and the way I'm gonna end this episode, the fourth thing I did is I booked a vacation.
• 26:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: Guys, I'm serious.
• 26:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: I booked a vacation.
• 26:43
  Vanessa Vakharia: I have not been on vacation since I went to Bali last March.
• 26:48
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've not even taken a two-day vacation, so I'm really, really, really, really so excited.
• 26:53
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm going away for a week, and that means there will be no episode next week.
• 26:57
  Vanessa Vakharia: However, however, and I have to tell you guys something, so when I book vacations, I only have one rule, okay?
• 27:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: And my rule is, is I'm not allowed to do anything productive.
• 27:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I cannot produce anything because, like, this is my...
• 27:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Right?
• 27:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'm not allowed to be looking at my to-do list.
• 27:13
  Vanessa Vakharia: I cannot be answering emails, like, unless they're urgent.
• 27:16
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I'm actually gonna try to be really strict about this.
• 27:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's one week, right?
• 27:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: Which I'm nervous about, but I'm also like, I know I need it so badly.
• 27:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: So for that reason, there is not gonna be an episode next week, but, but, but I actually have really, really exciting news.
• 27:29
  Vanessa Vakharia: So a couple of months ago, I did this top-secret thing with Imagine Learning.
• 27:35
  Vanessa Vakharia: It was the coolest thing.
• 27:36
  Vanessa Vakharia: They literally showed up to my tutoring center.
• 27:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: They flew here from Scotland, from Texas, from other parts in the US.
• 27:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: A group of like, I can't remember how many.
• 27:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: It doesn't matter.
• 27:45
  Vanessa Vakharia: A group of them flew here, came to my tutoring studio so that I could give their host, Lauren Keeling, live math therapy for a three-part series they're doing on math anxiety.
• 27:58
  Vanessa Vakharia: Guy, this is not a regular pod- Like, I love our podcast.
• 28:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: Our podcast is great.
• 28:02
  Vanessa Vakharia: This is next fucking level.
• 28:04
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, if you listen to, like, Serial or Wondery or, like, True Crime, that is what their podcast is like.
• 28:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is unbelievable.
• 28:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is a tale.
• 28:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, and it's a three-part series, okay?
• 28:15
  Vanessa Vakharia: So the first episode drops- It dropped yesterday.
• 28:18
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay?
• 28:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: So that kind of sets the stage, and at the end there's a little trailer for next week's episode, which will be clips of, it'll be, like, a big chunk of me and the host Lauren Keeling doing Math Therapy.
• 28:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: But there will also be sound bites and parts with Deborah Peart, who we love, the Mather queen, and a therapist, Emma Fogel, who was one of my first students.
• 28:42
  Vanessa Vakharia: So it's gonna be an epic episode, and it drops next Wednesday.
• 28:44
  Vanessa Vakharia: So, like, if you wanted your Thursday fix of Math Therapy, you could just wait till Thursday and download it then, or you could listen to it on Wednesday.
• 28:52
  Vanessa Vakharia: So it's the Imagine Learning Podcast.
• 28:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: It's called Heart Work.
• 28:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: I'll put the link in the show notes so you can actually catch up on yesterday's episode so you can be ready for next week.
• 29:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: And at the end of it all, they are going to be releasing, we're gonna be co-releasing a full video episode of me giving Lauren Keeling straight Math Therapy for 40 minutes.
• 29:11
  Vanessa Vakharia: Guys, I'm telling you, this thing is a masterpiece.
• 29:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: They were at my tutoring center for literally eight hours.
• 29:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay?
• 29:17
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, they flew to Toronto.
• 29:19
  Vanessa Vakharia: They were there for eight hours.
• 29:20
  Vanessa Vakharia: We did so much fun stuff.
• 29:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: It is like a, it's a true production.
• 29:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: Someone needs to give us a Netflix show.
• 29:25
  Vanessa Vakharia: I am literally manifesting that into the world.
• 29:27
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, so we'll be taking next week off, but you're gonna go listen to Heart Work instead, and then we'll be back the following week with another interview.
• 29:34
  Vanessa Vakharia: I've got a couple of interviews banked that are just incredible.
• 29:38
  Vanessa Vakharia: And remember, another Texas Instruments giveaway will be coming in June, and I'm doing a bonus Texas Instruments giveaway on Instagram in a couple of weeks, so make sure you're following me@themathguru.
• 29:49
  Vanessa Vakharia: Oh my God.
• 29:51
  Vanessa Vakharia: Guys, thank you all for listening, for all the encouraging words about the podcast.
• 29:54
  Vanessa Vakharia: It means so much to see how many of you are listening, to hear how the podcast is helping so many people.
• 29:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: It just, it's helping me, so thank you guys so much.
• 30:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: And thank you for the h- hundred-plus of you who texted the podcast to enter the giveaway.
• 30:06
  Vanessa Vakharia: You now all know how to text the podcast.
• 30:08
  Vanessa Vakharia: So text me.
• 30:10
  Vanessa Vakharia: Text me, tell me what you loved about this episode.
• 30:12
  Vanessa Vakharia: Tell me what you wanna hear an episode on.
• 30:14
  Vanessa Vakharia: Like, I am always like,"Ugh, like I wanna do solo episodes, but I don't know about what." So if there's something you'd like to hear me talk about, let me know.
• 30:21
  Vanessa Vakharia: I love you guys so much.
• 30:22
  Vanessa Vakharia: You rock.
• 30:23
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can find the link to text the podcast in the show notes.
• 30:26
  Vanessa Vakharia: You can DM me at themathguru on Instagram.
• 30:30
  Vanessa Vakharia: Have an amazing week.
• 30:31
  Vanessa Vakharia: Take some time for self-care, even if it's five minutes or an hour or a weekend or a week, just make sure that you don't end up like me two weeks ago.
• 30:41
  Vanessa Vakharia: And thank you guys so much for being a part of my weekly healing.
• 30:50
  Vanessa Vakharia: Today's episode is a quick episode to say hello, Gemini season.
• 30:55
  Vanessa Vakharia: May 21st.
• 30:56
  Vanessa Vakharia: during Gemini season, we're up, we're down, we're all over the place.
• 30:59
  Vanessa Vakharia: we are celebrating the twins.
• 31:01
  Vanessa Vakharia: We are celebrating duality, and that's why this is gonna be an, a mishmash episode, an episode...
• 31:05
  Vanessa Vakharia: Okay, that was not in David's outline, by the way.
• 31:07
  Vanessa Vakharia: That was ad lib in case you were wondering.
• 31:09
  Vanessa Vakharia: David was not like,"Talk about Gemini season."