Latest / Don't Quote Me.... / Can We Just Talk?
Transcript
- Tori: Okay, so hey guys, welcome back to another episode. thank you for joining me today. Today, I just want to talk. I don't have an agenda, don't have my little notes on the side to say we're gonna talk about boundaries, we're gonna be talking about X, Y, and Z today. Today I just want to talk. Because honestly, I didn't have time to prepare for any of that. And there's a lot going on, and not necessarily in a bad way at all, just life in general. Being a mom, being a wife, being a therapist, running these businesses, jumping and trying new hobbies and things, sports out the wazoo, soccer, football, cheer, all these things. And I'm trying to figure out what I want to do in my next version of this life. Or like, that was horribly put. Like, what comes next to? but I seem to have forgotten like I'm also just Tori, like I need to just be present and I need to be in the moment and stop worrying about the future and making sure that it is going to be pitch perfect because honestly, I don't know. So today I just figured I'd give you guys like a little life update about what's going on, what's been on my mind, some things that I've been trying to unlearn and learn, some things that have been exciting me lately. And also causing some exhaustion, honestly. so therefore this episode is just can we just talk, basically? So I hope you are still listening now. So let's just get on in there, right? So I've been asking myself once I started recording, how have I actually been? And my mind is just like, girl, you're great. But I'm just like, okay, but what exactly is going on? Like, let's break down the specifics. football every single weekend. There's practices going on from Monday to Thursday. There is new clients coming in, which I'm so thankful for, and I appreciate that. And there's new adventures, adventures to be given, given, to be taking right now. I'm wanting to jump on a cruise ship. I'm wanting to go on hikes and stuff. Mind you, fall has finally hit, and I'm so freaking thankful for that because that heat was so disrespectful. So now I'm just like, let's go outside. Let's go outside. I need to be outside. And I'm just like This is I'm overwhelming myself basically. So let me like, I guess I'll kind of structure this because not structuring does give me a little bit of anxiety. So let me break this down. Let's start with my motheringhood, my motherhood, right? what is that looking like? So I have a 12 a year old and a 11-year-old. 11? Wow, don't even know. No, she's 10. Okay, see, there we go. About to have a nine-year-old on Halloween, and then I have a six-year-old. So this is nonstop chaos in here. it's a lot, a lot of personalities, a lot of arguing. I did not know that this is the norm for siblings that are this close in age, mind you. I am my older sister, yes. However, me and my brothers have a good distance between each other. So I've kind of always viewed myself as a only child. And so seeing my kids. destroy each other physically verbally I'm like what in the hell is actually happening like there will be fights going on at nine o'clock p.m because somebody won't shut up so the other one can go to sleep then you just hear all this boom boom boom boom boom boom and I'm just like why at nine o'clock at night are we getting down like this? Like it's just it's it's insane to me. And then it's also just like I'm also I am grateful to be taking the time to sit back and see what my kids are doing in life, right? So like I just came, we just me and my husband just came from a parent conference. And I'm just like, my kids are doing great. Like I'm not there, I'm actually I think it like gave me confirmation of like we are actually doing a good job because I stress all the time of like Whoa, they're not gonna get their homework done, or they're running around like a crazy person. Like I even told the p the teacher, I was like, my son will sit here and ask me how to spell happy. And I'm like, You gotta be freaking kidding me. And then I go to school and you're showing me that he knows how to write the words in conclusion of or as stated in the paragraph, like, what? Like I'm my mind is boned. So I'm just like, okay, my baby actually does know what he's doing. Maybe he's just messing with me or something like that. I don't know. That just kinda went in a circle. But like it gave me that confirmation of like he's actually doing good and we're actually doing something overall. He's doing amazing in football. He's going crazy. And even talking about it makes me want to cry. Mm our oldest girl she's in, she just found out that she's in what is it even called? I keep wanting to say social club, but that is not it. Stuco. That's the only way I can think of it. So proud of her. She's so excited. And I'm just like, I guess how what I'm trying to say is like seeing what they do externally is making me proud because I feel like internally in this household there's nothing but complete chaos and I'm not doing good enough. So being able to see the results of what they're doing outside of this house gives me so much comfort because I'm like, we are actually being great parents and we are actually providing them with things that genuinely matter, right? and I'm also being able to remember like, hey, you don't have to get it all right. You don't need to be perfect for your kids because who the fuck is perfect? First of all. And if you are perfect, what does that show your kids that they need to be perfect and they get to live this overly overanalyzing? overstimulated ass lifestyle that I am living. I feel like I'm always on overstimulation and I feel like I'm about to crash out at any second, any given moment. So it helps me just realize like, hey, you don't have to be all of that in a bag of chips for your kids because they are learning and appreciating the lifestyle that you're providing for them, basically. So that makes me so happy. and then I want to step into what it's like being a therapist right now. Because I know like in some of my episodes I'm just like social media, social media, let's not let it take over. Let's not let it do that. And I'm just like now look at me having to actually dive into social media just to get clientele. And I'm just like, this is insane. Like I feel like I'm backtracking on everything that I what's it called? that I basically preach like sus like social media, it does too much. It destroys everything. Not to that extreme, but like don't listen to social media and stuff like that. And here I am making learning how to use TikTok and making TikToks for people to come to my workshops and things like that. So I'm just like, is this mean that I'm a bad therapist now? Or like, is this even ethical? It's a lot of stress on that part of me. And I don't practice what I preach most of the time, which is also a bad thing, because I don't know how to regulate my overthinking a lot. but all of that being said, like Honestly, it didn't have an ending for that. That that's just what it is right now. Like that's stressing me out. Like trying to get some more clientele, reach as many people as possible and know that there's actually good therapists out here because also seeing on social media and like hearing from people, I'm just like, we're just passing out license for the fuck of it at this point to therapists. Like we it don't matter what you do, you as long as you pass and you do your hours, you're perfect and you're out here destroying other people's lives. So that is what's frightening to me because I don't want to be taken as one of those therapists because I've hopped on social media. That's what it is. Bingo. I don't want somebody to be like, here goes another typical therapist thinking that they know what they're talking about and I walk into their office or I go to this workshop and boom, I'm about to go all the way to the left and she's telling me, Well, that don't even make sense and you know, you need to actually do this with your life and X, Y, and Z and I just Really, really hope that's not how I'm coming across. So that's a little stress there for me. What else is happening in my life? I'm just thinking. I literally am just running off the dome today, guys. And I just wanted to provide everybody with something that maybe we can relate to. I mean this society is absurd, so that's real stressful. I don't even want to dive into that because Lord knows I will spiral on here on you guys. what I mean, what else am I doing? I just named it all. businesses trying to get my cleaning business up and going. It's been pretty well, but bec that's what I was gonna say, because of the society and the economic plummeth that we're actually having, it's been very difficult to find clientele for my cleaning business. So I'm trying to keep that trending. Need to jump on social media for that as well. Opening my own private practice and figuring out the ins and outs of all of that and all the documentation and insurance and stuff. Like that is overwhelming. I d didn't ever think that being I could just, you know, open up a business and it goes all peaches and cream. No, not saying that at all. However, it is way more complex than what I imagined that it would be. And sometimes it's very frustrating and I want to just say fuck it all. Honestly. Maybe I just need to go be a hippie living outside of my Jeep from now on. That's where I get to. But it is a lot of work. It is very frustrating. So I also just want to normalize that for anybody else who has like a practice out there or even a small business, like first of all I commend you for even taking that leap of faith. And I do hope that it's working for you. Yeah. Sorry, squirrel brain. Something just caught my attention. But it's a lot. It is a lot. And I feel like that is the most stressor because it's like a gamble. Like you don't know if somebody's gonna bite and work with you and take you on and take you serious. so that's very scary and exciting at the same time, I would say. No risks, no rewards, right? I feel like I'm talking really slow, but yeah. And I guess like just overall in general the things that I've been learning overall for myself is that I don't need to rush everything. Cause as soon as I open this practice and as soon as I open my cleaning business, I was like, Okay, I need to get twenty five clients. I need to get this, this, and this for my cleaning business. Make sure that I have businesses that will take my cleaning services, X, Y, and Z. Like I need to right off the bat, just have it all figured out. And the truth is is like that was the most worst, not the most, that's horrible. That was the worst mindset to jump into this because I felt so disappointed and depleted. And probably that is what is causing most of my stress is that I have set those goals so high and unrealistic right now that I know I can't reach them and there's no way of reaching them. So the patience that I need to put into my businesses so that they will work is something that is more important. which isn't easy for me because as I stated earlier, I am a perfectionist and I just this no. I need the str I need to be able to get it all done and I need to make sure that I'm doing it correctly, right? what else am I learning? I'm also learning like Not even learning. I guess I'm getting more confidence in myself, I could say that. Because being able to tell myself, like the things that you're doing, you actually know what you're doing. Like, if you just stop second guessing yourself, you know what the answers are and you know how to solve these things. So being able to tell myself that has helped boost my confidence so much. And I remember my grad teacher telling me. Cause I would always be like, my I'm gonna ruin that person's life. I destroyed it, this and that. And they're like, No. Honestly, you just in this it sounds crazy, but like you just go back and fix it. Cause you're the prof you're the professional in this place. They don't know whether that was right or wrong. However, the fact that you were able to address it, you go back and you fix it. Kind of that fake it till you make it mindset, is what he said. that was horrible because I lost what he said as soon as I said I was going to share it with you guys. So I do apologize for that. and I need to be able to give myself grace, basically. I pract I tell everybody on he on my podcast and just in general, give yourself grace, give yourself grace, but I can't even do that for myself. And it's like, no, you genuinely need to do that, or things are not gonna be successful in the long run. And I also am able to kind of reflect back on who I was, like let's say even a year ago, Tori would not be on this podcast right now, talking loose-lipped and opened. I would be freaking out. I would be like, No, I can't. This is I'm gonna be horrible. It's gonna sound horrible. And now I'm just like, fuck it. And if you don't like it, you don't have to listen. If you do like it, thank you so much for even listening. And even going and doing these workshops and being more vocal. publicly, I would never in my right mind do that. But it's like I am the I have to tell myself I'm the professional in this moment. I know what I'm talking about. And even if I don't fully know what I'm talking about, I am okay in accepting of growing from that. I'm not closed minded and I'm not off put. to say, okay, well thank you for sharing that. I definitely need to take that in consideration instead of being actually no, it's X, Y, and Z. So I I feel like I'm very grateful to have that mindset and use it in a more positive outlook instead of being negative on myself now. which kind of blends into what I'm not trying, what I'm trying to unlearn, which is stop being so harsh and stop being so yeah, harsh and negative on myself. I beat myself up more. And I feel like anybody does that because we don't want to come off a certain way or seem a certain way. So we just punish ourselves with these negative cognitions and negative thoughts about ourselves. So I'm trying to work on that. I am a boundary freak, but it's like, girl, practice what you preach, not even externally, like you need to internally put the boundaries in. So I am still a work in progress with that and I just advocate for boundaries so much. because it is the step forward to becoming a better you. This will probably be short and sweet because I'm first of all, it's close to time to go pick up my kids, so I can't really offer you guys that much. However, we'll just make this a little bonus one. I know that it's been a week, but I feel like this is just a little sweet bonus one because we're just talking. And I some I actually would love to hear from some of you guys, the ones that are listening. If you are listening and you want to just like spit fire to me or tell me some things that you've been thinking about as well or like any advice or suggestions that you need, want, even have that I can share with on this platform. I would love to do that. so I would love for you to either DM me at therapy with Tori on G. on Instagram, I'm horrible with the horrible with the social medias, on Instagram at therapy with Tory, or you can even message me at don'tquote me at gmail.com. and I will be back this coming Monday. Thank you guys for listening to my little short sweet TED talk rant. Take care of yourselves and remember be gracious, be gracious with yourselves.