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Stop Projecting Your Ex Onto Your Spouse · Doing Marriage Well

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  5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Doing Marriage Well for October 1, 2026.
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  Stop projecting your ex onto your spouse.
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  Assumptions are so durable they easily survive the relationship that created
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  them. We then apply them to the next person who has a similar place in our life.
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  Even if the assumption was true for our last relationship, that doesn't make
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  it true for the person we married.
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  Due to our age and inexperience, we tend to make more assumptions in our early
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  romantic relationships than we do later.
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  But unless we make an effort to jettison those assumptions, we unthinkingly
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  paint them onto our spouse.
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  What is going on? So let's look at some assumptions you might put on your spouse
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  based on your first boy or girlfriend.
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  What silence means. I've already covered this one, but it's worth reiterating it.
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  Silence means that they are not talking, and there are many other...
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  And there are many reasons for that.
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  I'd know if they were upset. Some folks are quick to be vocal about feeling
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  hurt or wronged. Others take time to process.
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  And some have a bad habit of burying it. Assuming...
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  Assuming no news is good news is dangerous. She needs space.
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  Perhaps that was true when your
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  first girlfriend acted as your wife is currently acting. But your wife.
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  Might desperately want you to reach out to her and see you not doing so as an
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  indication you don't care about her.
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  A quick, do you want to be alone, is a good check.
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  Arguing with him won't make a difference. Maybe he is more reasonable and more
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  open to your thoughts than the 17-year-old guy who was neither.
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  And he may assume you're saying nothing means,
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  you have no objection. They know how that makes me feel.
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  Perhaps the previous love interest did. Maybe they knew because you had a discussion
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  with them, which you've not had with your spouse.
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  Or you think it has to be obvious. If it has not been spoken,
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  you may not be on the same page.
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  Treat everything you knew from past relationships as a potential wrong assumption
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  about the person you live with today.
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  Can you find a place where you do that and make a conscious effort to stop?
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  This is Paul, assuming you want to do marriage well. 3, 4, 5, 6...