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Minisode - Being Bad At New Things: DWTS Edition · Outside The Therapy Room

• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be chatting about everything from mental health and relationships to media and credit, as well as personal experiences and reflection.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: All in the hope of normalizing our humanness and helping you see that you're not alone.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is Outside the Therapy Room.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Outside the Therapy Room.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Today I am doing a solo episode, which we haven't done for a little while, I feel like.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe since the beginning of season two, or maybe it was just during season one.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so it's just me today for Little Mini Sode.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have been like for such a long time been a huge dancing with the Stars fan.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have been watching Dancing with the Stars at home with my parents.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I was still living there, and it was just always such a fun thing for me and my mom to watch.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I always really loved the vulnerability that a lot of the stars show, especially the stars that um weren't in the entertainment or had previous dance experience, to kind of see them go on the show, learn something brand new was like kind of cool and really inspiring to see.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I became a therapist, I obviously had a little bit more of insight into maybe what they were experiencing, how they were feeling.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so today we're gonna talk a little bit about the vulnerability of being a beginner.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like even for me, it's been kind of a growth thing where I have started being okay with sucking at something that I'm trying out for the very first time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so when I started golf a few years ago, I was terrible.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrible and it was awful and sometimes embarrassing if we were playing with other people who were more experienced.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: But it was something that I eventually just accepted as being, you know, it's okay for me to just be terrible at golf because I'm a beginner.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like for a lot of people, that can be a really scary thing or something that they need to kind of work up to.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so as much as I love dancing with the stars, especially the season, there are so many amazing, like the cast is just so amazing this year.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so many um, I guess, stars that I'm not familiar with that I'm learning kind of, I'm I guess I'm being introduced to them for the first time through this show.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm realizing that as much as I'm interested and hooked on the dances, I'm also watching what's happening emotionally for each person in real time as they're learning something new, something they're not necessarily good at.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because obviously they're so vulnerable.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It just like I said, in general, when you're learning something new.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like for a lot of the stars on Dancing with the Stars, there's a vulnerability of now having to perform in front of an audience, knowing you're going to be judged and you're gonna be kicked off the show if you don't have enough votes.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: All of this, it's just so scary to be up there.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's yeah, like you should feel so proud and brave from trying out anything, not at the grand scale of dancing with the stars, but trying something new, it's incredibly like you should feel proud of trying something new, even if you're terrible at it.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like for these stars, they're making mistakes, they don't really know what they're doing, especially the the recent one.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess this will be this episode will be out next week.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: But the one that just happened this week, week two, there's mistakes that happened.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's pressures that they're that they communicated feeling, there's disappointment that they're experiencing because maybe they did it really well in the first run.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then in the live one, they maybe didn't do so well.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So there's just so much happening there, but I feel like it's kind of a good reminder.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I really do like the message that a lot of the judges and the contestants talk about is that there is a lot of vulnerability, relearning yourself, um, kind of getting into a relationship back with yourself, and a lot of mental health, emotional impact from being on a show like this.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of what my little chat is gonna be today.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm gonna relate it to Dancing with the Stars because I think it was really like watching Dancing with the Stars um on Tuesday, where I was like, oh my gosh, Julia Styles' face when she finished her dance was like so disappointed.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Getting her, like, getting her scores.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Her face was so disappointed.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: She even said, Oh no, like that's awful.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Alan Burston's partner, the uh chef, I'm so sorry I don't remember her name.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: She also was in tears, and I feel like they're very restricted in her dancing because of the emotions that she felt and the pressure that she felt or the discomfort that she felt within her dance.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And Mara, who I didn't know previous to dancing with the stars, also talked about the pressure of during her first week dance being told that they are expecting great things from her.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's kind of like your first dance go out with a bang, and then oh my gosh, now you have to live up to that every following week, every dance that you do.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a lot of pressure that she also mentioned, kind of um getting in her head a little bit about it during the dance.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's other contestants that were very happy with their scores and that maybe didn't do so well, or who said, Yeah, I made a mistake, but you know what?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy that I'm here, that I have these fans, that I got to do it anyway.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's just such a mix of expression of um just insight that they have and the relationship they have with themselves and with their partner as well.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: So my kind of first thing is why is being a beginner, or I guess why does being a beginner feel so uncomfortable?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of us like the idea of doing something new, and we sometimes can imagine being really good at something.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: So we like the finished product, but when we're actually in the middle of it, it feels really uncomfortable because as humans, we can have a really hard time with not performing in a way that makes us look good.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's been times I've started a lot of things and haven't always completed it, maybe to what I wanted it to be.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, I had took guitar lessons a while back.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: I imagined like writing my own music afterwards.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: That didn't happen.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrible.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: My fingers couldn't do the chords the way that my instructor was telling me to do.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was very uncomfortable.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it also is a recognition that you have to continue to practice this in order to get good.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes there's a discomfort in that as well.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like part of learning that we don't always talk about is that you need to just accept the fact that it's gonna be terrible at the beginning.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's going, you're gonna, you're kind of going to uh produce what you give into this new thing.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so for golfing, if I'm not practicing then, and like practicing while being terrible at it, then I may not see the results that I might be wanting for myself.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Same with guitar and then same with dance as we're seeing um with dancing with the stars.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think kids um adapt a lot better at trying something new and really being terrible at it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think for us adults, we struggle with it a lot more because we've already become so competent in so many different areas of our lives.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: We know how to do our job, we know how to drive, we know how to take care of the house, of pets, of kids, we know how to grocery shop and how to do all of these things and function in the world.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: But then the minute you plop us into a new environment, we're suddenly asking, what the heck do we do?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do with my arms?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do with like, you know, in a swing?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do I do with my swing?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do with my hold?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it can become a lot.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think there's something really humbling about that, about not knowing what you're doing.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you're temporarily giving up being the person who knows.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And again, if that becomes part of our identity, that can bring up a lot more discomfort.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So when I saw Julia Styles, the first week she killed it.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: She did so good.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think she did really good the second week as well.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But in her face, you could see that she was fully disappointed.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: After her tango, I think she received like a 16 out of 30, which overall is like a pretty good score.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But she was not happy with that and she was very upset with that.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that also talks to the standards that we may have on ourselves, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we might hold standards, especially for contestants on the second week.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's comparison we're making with the week before.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's comparison we're making with other people that are taking the same class.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if, you know, I'm doing a guitar lesson with a group of people or golf, which I did do with a group of um ladies, it's you're comparing your swing to their swing.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: To the their ball went a little further.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in dancing with the stars, there is naturally going to be a comparison.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: There is like you, you guys are getting voted off based on votes, based on being the favorite, based on and base, all of these things.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I saw her face and her reaction to the scores, disappointment was the first thing I kind of noticed.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think on social media, I saw some interviews that she did, and she mentioned having a big old cry in her trailer afterwards.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I kind of love that she said that because yeah, sometimes we're gonna feel disappointed, we're gonna feel upset, but it's good to kind of have that release.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, especially maybe for stars, but for us humans as well, like we have this expectation that we're doing something brave.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're supposed to be able to maintain this like positive attitude.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, I got the opportunity to go on dancing with the stars.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is great.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's also really important to point out, and a lot, some of the stars say, like, I'm completely outside of my comfort zone, or I'm growing, my scores are a little bit, you know, higher than they were last year.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes even just being honest, being like, that sucked.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I tripped, or you know, this happened and it didn't happen during like the first initial uh runs that I was doing, or I worked so hard that I'm feeling a little disappointed that it didn't turn out the way that I had hoped.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Those are all very normal emotions to experience when we're handling disappointment, discomfort, all of these um kind of feelings that can come up when we're trying something new.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think you can be both.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: We we talk about that so much on this podcast.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can feel both disappointed and grateful at the same time.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel really disappointed for, you know, my inability to swing my club the way that I need to to get the ball as further, like as far as I can, but I can be really grateful that I'm able to do something like that.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the stars can also say they're very grateful for the opportunity to try this and to get themselves out of their comfort zone and still feel really disappointed with some scores that are happening.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel really proud that you tried and at the same time feel disappointed that it didn't go the way that you wanted.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you can know that you're learning and be so happy that you're getting a chance to learn all these things and continue to maybe not like getting things wrong.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think for Julia, like it was really nice to kind of see the human experience as it was happening.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um the next point I wanted to make was kind of feedback, especially when we're learning something new, vulnerable, uncomfortable.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: But then when feedback comes in, it feels really personal.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it can bring up a like this is something that comes up a lot when we're learning.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have feedback, and the feedback is going to make us better at what we're doing.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a difference between I didn't do that well and I'm not good at this.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So the I'm not good at this is completely shutting it off and saying, like, that's it, I'm done.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not good at this.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And out to the fact that, hey, I'm still learning.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't do that well, but I can give it another try.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but sometimes it can become this kind of the depending on the feedback that we get from other people, it can end up kind of morphing into another thought in our own mind.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that thought is associated to a core belief that we may have that followed us through our life.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was a core belief that we got when we were younger, or playing the soccer team that someone said, like, you're not that great, like you're not that great at running, or you're not um, like you can't keep up momentum very well, or whatever the comment could be.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then it just sticks with us.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for kids, it bec I've seen it with my own kids of you know, feedback from coaches of like, you just need to jump a little higher, like like maybe something's wrong with your legs that you can't jump.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we're on the trampoline, it might be a comment that my son makes, like, well, I can't jump too high because something's wrong with my legs.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing's wrong with their legs are fine.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: But it can become just this belief that they grab onto.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we it can stay with us when we become adults.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of it being like, Oh, I didn't do that well, it can then kind of shift to, oh, maybe I'm just not capable.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's something wrong with me.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't do this.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that can sometimes always, I think, actually affect our self-esteem.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we think that information is about us, actually, instead of it being information about our performance or what we did.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when someone says, hey, this is something you need to work on, we might hear you're not good enough.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it is really important for kiddos, I think, but also for us to just keep in mind when feedback is being shifted into something that is more negative or that really ties into a core belief or of an identity that maybe we formulated around doing something active.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for a lot of the stars on Dancing with the Stars, what I do appreciate the judges is that they do always share, they do kind of like the sandwich um style, which is like start with praise, like start with something that they did positive and then sandwich it um in between like two positives, and then in the middle, it's like some feedback.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like, you know, Derek, Carrie Ann, and Bruno also have like do a good job of this, where like that was really fun, that was really entertaining, and you need to work on your frame, or you need to do this, you need to do that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, a show like Dancing with the Stars is to make you a better dancer by the end of it.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the exact same thing for us when we're trying something new.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The goal of us starting dance, starting golf, starting uh to learn an instrument or to do pottery classes, whatever it could be, is so that we can actually do it well.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and or we want to be able to build something.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a goal that we're working towards.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a little messy and uncomfortable in the beginning.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: But if we actually stay in that discomfort, we're gonna get a little closer to reaching our goal.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And again, part of that is taking in the feedback, not as a character like um attack, but as a feedback so that you can kind of use that to your work and hopefully, you know, be able to kind of do what you need to do to get closer to your goal.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: My biggest uh, I guess, sympathy from watching Dancing with the Stars this week was uh Mara Higgins.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: She got such high praise, and what it was, I think the first week, she got such high praise and it was so unexpected, I think for everyone, viewers, and for the judges, because she had communicated um so much about not ever dancing, she had a really, really strong first week.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: She was at the top of the leaderboard.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: The feedback she got was so positive.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, see, like sometimes negative feedback, you know, does one thing to our to our brain and to our mind and to our uh self-esteem.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And but positive feedback can sometimes do that as well.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: So because she had such great feedback, she was told that now they have high expectations of her.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think with her week two dance, she was met with a completely different kind of pressure than she had the first time.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is also something that I have seen a lot with people in my family and with clients as well, that they might go to try something new and they kill it like right from the start.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: They get this kind of added confidence in it, but then when they go and try it again, it's just not there.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that can again, especially with the feedback that Mara was given, it just creates this additional pressure.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that pressure can be really challenging to maintain.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I think for Mara, she wasn't just trying to learn the dance.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think she was really trying to live up to what she had already done and to really kind of use the feedback from, or I think actually the feedback from the judges was really um putting on a little bit more pressure.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: She was told that now they were gonna have higher expectations of her.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: So next time, instead of performing at an eight, she may have felt she needed to perform at a 10.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And being in her head, I mean, in her little package beforehand, she talked about being in her head.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: She talked about struggling in rehearsal, feeling the pressure after all of this praise that she received the week before and becoming really emotional during the rehearsal, which again, as a therapist viewing this, I really appreciated the honesty in kind of her emotional journey through rehearsal based on her performance the week before.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes success can make the next chapter harder.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And because we did something once and everyone said it was amazing, now I have something to lose.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like the mentality we can have.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: The first time Mara went out, brand new, just trying to survive.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's just get through it.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: By the second time, now we're thinking, can can we actually do it again?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't do it again as well?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: What if everyone realizes that last week was a fluke?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is where our imposter syndrome can really start to come in.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly we're not just learning anymore, we're performing, we're monitoring, we're becoming hyper-vigilant of what we're doing, what everyone else around us who's watching us, what their expression is of us.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we're comparing our what we're doing in that moment to the last success that we had.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So in this example with Mara, I feel like she was really comparing last this week's performance to her last performance.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it can completely take us out of the experience, right?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think she actually said in in somewhere in the package or at the end of her dance that she really needed to get out of her head and relax and enjoy the experience a little bit more.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that portion is just really grounding and being mindful in what you're doing instead of being stuck in your head about how you're going to do the thing that your body needs to do.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there's something really beautiful about us seeing that kind of experience that Mara had, because sometimes the thing that's standing kind of like between us and performing well isn't a lack of ability, but sometimes it's just the amount of pressure we can put on ourselves to perform a certain way.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think the performance pressure kind of becomes this loop.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: We, you know, think about like, am I doing this right?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Where are my hands?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Did I mess up?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: What are what are people thinking?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Did they notice that I messed up?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have so much respect for the celebrities when they do screw up a move and they keep going because I feel like I would just be so stuck in my like shock and anxiety that I would just freeze and be like, everything's out the window in my head.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even remember the next step.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: But most of the time they screw up and they just keep going with a smile on their face, even though you might want to like hide, not to mention the interviews too, like right after when you're feeling so emotionally charged and you know you're on live TV and you're trying to be honest and how you're replying while at the same time not wanting to, you know, say anything fully negative or fully vulnerable.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just so much that those celebrities are dealing with.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: So they have my full respect.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's just so much.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when you're kind of stuck in that thought performance loop, you're not doing the thing anymore.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're kind of just watching yourself do the thing.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're so in your head about it, and it can often make things harder.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: So instead, it's kind of like in like your brain is going, I'm dancing to I'm watching myself dance, wondering whether whether everyone else thinks I'm doing the moves properly or whether they're entertained by this.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exhausting.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is so tired because our our brain is consistently thinking about that.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: That if we're drained already from just our brain working over on overdrive, bringing all of these really negative thoughts, then how are we going to obtain all of the new information that we need to perform?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be, it can be a lot, kind of like the what if I fail?
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or what if someone sees me fail?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's more of the vulnerability piece.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: And again, in in this show that we're talking about, that is literally what's everybody seeing you.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody goes on social media to tell you how your dance was sucked.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was too cheesy, it was too messy.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: All of this is coming from people who probably have never danced in their lives.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or like something about their outfits, but it's a lot because it's it doesn't become a what if everyone sees me fail.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's everyone is going to see me succeed and fail or fail.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And there's so much vulnerability in that.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, depending on what you're what's the new thing you're willing to try, there may be an audience.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: There may be that same kind of feeling.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what if everyone sees me be really terrible at this?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I think especially for parents, it's okay sometimes for your kids to see you fail and kind of what you do afterwards instead of quitting, which is so easy to do.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's no, I like I sucked at that, and now I'm gonna try it again.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that actually is a really good way to model resilience in your kiddos as well.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so the last kind of contestant that I wanted to talk about is Jackson Olsen, which I believe is from the Savannah Bananas.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: He gave us another really interesting perspective, him and Emma Slater, his partner, because he seemed to bring a different kind of energy to the experience.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, he wants to improve.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: He's an athlete, he wants to get better, but he went from, I think, getting a 15 last like during week one to an 18 in week two.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: So there was growth.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: There was like a visible change in his dance.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: They were very excited about their improvement and their partnership, but there was also a sense that he was just having a lot of fun with it.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't pretending that he was suddenly like this incredible dancer.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: He's learning, he got corrected, he's obviously improving, but he's also enjoying the ridiculousness of like the whole experience.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that's also something worth paying attention.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you kind of just have to embrace the weirdness of trying something new and of being very terrible at it.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it there is light at the other end, right?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: There is something that you are going to get from it that you're going to improve on.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: We just have to kind of get through the messy bits.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think for him, it was, you know, how good am I?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, actually, am I having a good time learning this?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So there was me, I mean, I don't in his package, I don't think it showed too much about that thought process, but I think that's something that we can definitely apply.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of, am I doing this pottery well?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's well, am I having a fun time learning how to mold this pottery?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or instead of, am I chipping well at the golf course?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's well, am I having a fun time learning how to chip?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Am I noticing an improvement?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Am I being a little more aware about things with my chipping that maybe I wasn't previously?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes we become so focused on the outcome that we kind of lose the actual experience.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something in that that can be like really rewarding as well.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think there's three different responses to maybe being a beginner.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when we look at these different moments on dancing with the stars, there's the disappointment, there's a success that can create pressure, and there's also that we do have the choice to enjoy the process.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: And all of those things can be true at the same time.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: So being mindful of maybe, yeah, we feel disappointed with how we performed, and that doesn't need to stop us.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think Mara reminds us that success can create a lot of pressure.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes being praised actually makes us more afraid of disappointing people next time.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's totally fair.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think with Jackson, he kind of reminded us that we can also choose to enjoy the process.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: There was someone else, oh shoot, I'm not gonna remember his name, but he is with um Riley Arnold.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: And he also, I think, had a slip up in his dance.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when he was up right before or after his scores and the mic was on him, he said, I'm having so much fun.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so there was again, like you can choose the joy of the process.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can even just getting out on the dance floor is already like that's so brave just on its own.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we're human.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's not necessarily a right way to respond, but um, it's important for us to kind of pay attention to our emotions and how we feel in the process and just sit in the discomfort of things being really uncomfortable at the beginning and feeling some of that vulnerability.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: So the kind of question I maybe want to leave you with is like, what would you try if you knew you were allowed to be bad at something for a while?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you just kind of gave yourself that permission to be bad at something for a while, what would that feel like?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna be bad forever.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's just bad while you're learning.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: And because I think sometimes we maybe avoid new things that we want to learn because we're scared we're gonna be bad.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's important for us to just check in and understand, well, why are we avoiding them?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because we don't want to experience vulnerability?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because we don't want to look awkward or weird, or we don't want to be corrected, or we don't want to disappoint ourselves or others, or we really are just uncomfortable with struggling.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, those are good things for us to keep in mind and to know because it's gonna help us then get ourselves to that new step.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna gently invite you guys to try being terrible at something and just see how you do.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: And again, dancing with the stars is gonna be great.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I'm gonna talk about it again.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: But there is so much inspiration that comes from that of just putting yourself out there, trying something new.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it you will get to your goal.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: You will get there.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: We'll all be awkward in the beginning, and that's okay.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, thank you so much for joining me for this little mini sode.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the episodes of Dancing with the Stars.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, we will see you next time.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Outside the Therapy Room.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you reside in Ontario and are interested in working with one of our therapists, please visit our website in the show notes.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you reside outside of Ontario, a quick Google search or search through psychology today will help you find a therapist near you.