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Money Diaries: Life Is A Rollercoaster · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello.
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Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr the
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Speaker 2: Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we
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Speaker 2: get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would
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Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
0:14
Speaker 2: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
0:18
Speaker 2: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through
0:23
Speaker 2: as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
0:27
Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
0:31
Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 1: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:00
Speaker 1: for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another
1:04
Speaker 1: one of our money diaries when we talk with one
1:07
Speaker 1: of our incredible She's on the Money community members all
1:10
Speaker 1: about their journey. Let's jump straight into this one. We
1:13
Speaker 1: got a message this week and it went a little
1:15
Speaker 1: like this. Hi, She's on the Money. I'd love to
1:18
Speaker 1: share my money story that's interwoven with mental health struggles.
1:22
Speaker 1: I've recently been released from a psychiatric hospital stay, was
1:25
Speaker 1: married at the end of last year and have returned
1:28
Speaker 1: from an extended honeymoon and work break. I used to
1:31
Speaker 1: live week to week and was in a bad relationship,
1:35
Speaker 1: but got out and saved my money. Life is a
1:37
Speaker 1: roller coaster and have recently experienced mental health battles and
1:41
Speaker 1: how money interplays into this Money Diarist. I feel like
1:45
Speaker 1: this is going to be a roller coaster, as you say,
1:49
Speaker 1: but also really relatable. Thank you, welcome to the show.
1:54
Speaker 1: Before we start, I do just want to give our
1:57
Speaker 1: friends who were listening a little bit of a content
2:00
Speaker 1: warning that this Money Diary does contain conversation about trauma, depression,
2:05
Speaker 1: and eating disorders. So if that is something that you
2:07
Speaker 1: are not ready to hear right now, or it's not
2:09
Speaker 1: the day for it today, we have a million other
2:12
Speaker 1: podcasts you can go and listen to and we will
2:14
Speaker 1: see you on another day. But content warning aside. Money Diarist.
2:19
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to have you on the show today.
2:21
Speaker 4: Thank you me too. I'm excited to be here.
2:24
Speaker 1: Oh how good? All right, we're mixing things up this year,
2:27
Speaker 1: and I'm actually starting with our last question. So, Money Direst,
2:31
Speaker 1: do you mind if we dive straight into asking the
2:33
Speaker 1: big hitting questions. Yes, let's go let's go all right,
2:37
Speaker 1: money Dorus, I want to know, because we're mixing it
2:39
Speaker 1: up this year, what grade would you give you money
2:41
Speaker 1: habits if we asked you to give yourself a grade
2:44
Speaker 1: from A to F.
2:45
Speaker 4: Oh, I think a C plus, a C plus maybe
2:50
Speaker 4: diving into a B minus.
2:52
Speaker 1: Oh. I'm interested to hear more about that. So as
2:57
Speaker 1: always my favorite. Now second question is I want to
3:01
Speaker 1: know a little bit more about your money story and
3:03
Speaker 1: your attitude towards money.
3:06
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it has changed a lot over the past
3:10
Speaker 4: few years. Growing up in my family, we were told
3:14
Speaker 4: never to talk about salary, don't talk about people's money situation.
3:18
Speaker 4: It was just taboo. It was bad vibes to talk
3:21
Speaker 4: about money, and so I had no financial literacy. We
3:27
Speaker 4: were comfortable, but we weren't living luxuriously. We didn't go overseas.
3:32
Speaker 4: We skimped on food and clothes sometimes. You know, my
3:36
Speaker 4: parents worked really hard to pay off their mortgage, pay
3:39
Speaker 4: our school fees, build a new house for us. But
3:42
Speaker 4: it definitely we weren't living large, that's for sure. So
3:45
Speaker 4: my attitude was when I was fourteen and got my
3:49
Speaker 4: slip signed off by my parents, I got out, got
3:53
Speaker 4: a job and just you know, wanted my own money,
3:59
Speaker 4: and I wanted to buy my own clothes, and so
4:02
Speaker 4: I've been a spender ever since.
4:05
Speaker 1: I feel like that's relatable for everybody who's grown up
4:08
Speaker 1: in a similar circumstance. I feel like it goes from
4:11
Speaker 1: one end to the spectrum to the other. Like if
4:12
Speaker 1: you grew up and it was scrimping and saving and
4:14
Speaker 1: you genuinely felt like you were missing out, Sometimes you
4:17
Speaker 1: end up going all the way to the other end.
4:18
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm just going to spend. I don't even care.
4:20
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about budget because maybe you
4:22
Speaker 1: don't know enough about it yet. But you just go
4:25
Speaker 1: straight to the other end and you just spend, spend, spend.
4:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll take my seven dollars from Macers and I'll
4:30
Speaker 4: go buy a new top. That's what I want. And
4:34
Speaker 4: I always strived for a higher salary because I've just
4:36
Speaker 4: wanted more and more clothes basically. But it really changed
4:41
Speaker 4: when I left a relationship several years ago and realized
4:45
Speaker 4: I didn't have much to my name. Actually, despite earning
4:48
Speaker 4: okay money, I was leaving week to week I didn't
4:51
Speaker 4: have anything to show for it. And when I went
4:55
Speaker 4: through my mental health crisis and it got really bad.
5:00
Speaker 4: I was really lucky that I had changed my ways
5:02
Speaker 4: and I did have some money put aside for that.
5:06
Speaker 1: Oh smart. So despite what you said before, so you
5:09
Speaker 1: said that you grew up and you didn't really get
5:12
Speaker 1: a financial education, you didn't have much financial literacy because
5:15
Speaker 1: it was taboo to talk about money. I want to
5:17
Speaker 1: dive a little bit deeper into that because I feel
5:19
Speaker 1: like that is really relatable. When you say it was
5:23
Speaker 1: taboo to talk about money. Is that because you brought
5:25
Speaker 1: it up one time and got shut down or was
5:27
Speaker 1: it just something that you inherently knew you shouldn't talk about,
5:29
Speaker 1: or was it something where you know, you just never
5:32
Speaker 1: talked about money in general. I don't know how did
5:34
Speaker 1: that come to be the situation in your family.
5:37
Speaker 4: I think it was a mixture of my parents and
5:44
Speaker 4: their backgrounds. I come from a second generation immigrant family,
5:49
Speaker 4: and I think there was this I don't know how
5:54
Speaker 4: it's called, like you'd have the evil eye on you
5:56
Speaker 4: if you talked about money. That stigma And I did
6:00
Speaker 4: ask one day how much does Daddy make?
6:02
Speaker 1: And I was told no, that is so rude. Money diarist,
6:07
Speaker 1: you can't believe you'd even try. So growing up you
6:10
Speaker 1: said that you didn't have a lot of financial literacy,
6:13
Speaker 1: and then you got to a point where you had
6:14
Speaker 1: some money put aside. How did that come to be? Like,
6:17
Speaker 1: did you just know that you needed it? Did you
6:19
Speaker 1: get to a point where you know you felt, oh
6:21
Speaker 1: my gosh, I never have any cash? Like where were we?
6:24
Speaker 1: How did that work?
6:25
Speaker 4: It was basically that. So I left that relationship, moved
6:29
Speaker 4: back home, so I had the opportunity to save a
6:31
Speaker 4: little bit more, and I just started making small goals.
6:36
Speaker 4: So at first it was, Okay, I'm going to get
6:39
Speaker 4: this promotion, and with the extra money, the difference between
6:43
Speaker 4: my salary and the new salary that I was getting,
6:46
Speaker 4: I put that away into a little fund and maybe
6:48
Speaker 4: at the end of my contract, I'll go on a
6:50
Speaker 4: nice holiday or something. I didn't end up going on
6:53
Speaker 4: that holiday because I got promoted again, and it's just
6:56
Speaker 4: this job hopping since then, and I've always just put
7:01
Speaker 4: money away and aside. I got married last year.
7:06
Speaker 1: Congratulations, congratulations, say congratulations to you do. Yeah we have
7:11
Speaker 1: matching wedding years.
7:12
Speaker 4: Yes we do. And I was putting money away for
7:14
Speaker 4: that anyway. So I use your trick and I read
7:18
Speaker 4: it from your book where you have the different accounts
7:21
Speaker 4: for different.
7:22
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
7:24
Speaker 4: So I had a little emergency fund and then my
7:26
Speaker 4: wedding and honeymoon fund and it just was automated and
7:32
Speaker 4: flowed through there.
7:33
Speaker 1: Yeah no, that makes absolute sense. I want to ask
7:36
Speaker 1: a little bit more about the mental health side of things,
7:39
Speaker 1: but we might come back to that, because right now
7:41
Speaker 1: I want to know because you keep saying, oh, I
7:42
Speaker 1: got a promotion, I did this. Oh don't know. How
7:44
Speaker 1: much money do you earn? And what do you do
7:46
Speaker 1: for work?
7:47
Speaker 4: So I work in the tertiary education sector and currently
7:51
Speaker 4: I own about one hundred and forty thousand a year.
7:54
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that is a very good innings. And
7:58
Speaker 1: to give us a little bit of context, how old
8:00
Speaker 1: you money, diarist?
8:01
Speaker 4: I am? I have to look at the date thirty two?
8:04
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Why is it like that? The other
8:06
Speaker 1: day somebody asked me how old I was and I
8:09
Speaker 1: told them I was thirty and I am not. I'm
8:11
Speaker 1: thirty one and my next birthday is thirty two. So
8:13
Speaker 1: I've been thirty one for a while. And am I
8:16
Speaker 1: now at the age where I'm lying about my age.
8:19
Speaker 4: No, it's because we skipped two years because of COVID.
8:21
Speaker 1: That's a good point. I didn't even have a thirtieth birthday,
8:24
Speaker 1: so in my head, I'm still twenty nine. This is great,
8:28
Speaker 1: this is great. I'm going with that. So you earn
8:31
Speaker 1: one hundred and forty thousand dollars a year. What were
8:34
Speaker 1: your salaries before that? So you said before something along
8:37
Speaker 1: the lines, I'm like, I worked at McDonald's for my
8:38
Speaker 1: seven dollars an hour. How do we go from earning
8:41
Speaker 1: seven dollars an hour at McDonald's all the way up
8:43
Speaker 1: to one hundred and forty thousand dollars? Because that's that's
8:46
Speaker 1: a little bit of a jump, my friend.
8:49
Speaker 4: It's incremental. I was fourteen when I was earning seven
8:52
Speaker 4: dollars an hour, so it's been a good over a decade,
8:56
Speaker 4: over fifteen years. The salary that I was on when
8:59
Speaker 4: I left that relationship was about ninety okay, I think,
9:07
Speaker 4: and just from there I've just applied for promotions and
9:12
Speaker 4: incrementally just gone up.
9:14
Speaker 1: Wow. So ninety thousand dollars as a salary when exiting
9:17
Speaker 1: a relationship, I'm going to assume puts you in an
9:21
Speaker 1: okay financial position.
9:22
Speaker 4: To go.
9:22
Speaker 1: You know what, I don't want to be in this
9:23
Speaker 1: relationship anymore. Yeah, I don't know enough about your history,
9:27
Speaker 1: and we didn't jump into it a little bit here.
9:30
Speaker 1: What were your circumstances when you left that relationship, because
9:33
Speaker 1: I know it wasn't a good one, And how did
9:35
Speaker 1: finances and mental health play into that?
9:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, the mental health aspect has always been there for me,
9:44
Speaker 4: So I've always struggled with mental health issues. We fought
9:47
Speaker 4: a lot about money, actually, and he was very secretive
9:53
Speaker 4: and closed off about his earnings and money and really
9:59
Speaker 4: maintained that I had to be independent and pay for
10:02
Speaker 4: my own stuff. Even when we were together for a
10:05
Speaker 4: few years. It wasn't my values. It wasn't the way
10:08
Speaker 4: I wanted to be in a relationship. Not saying he
10:10
Speaker 4: had to pay for me all the time, but it
10:12
Speaker 4: just it was very rigid and not collaborative. Yeah, okay, Yeah,
10:16
Speaker 4: And so I guess we were living quite a expensive lifestyle.
10:23
Speaker 4: You know, the city that I live in is not cheap,
10:27
Speaker 4: and we were renting in quite an expensive suburb and
10:31
Speaker 4: going out all the time and buying you know, clothes
10:35
Speaker 4: and stuff.
10:36
Speaker 1: And yeah, so you said before that mental health was
10:40
Speaker 1: playing into that, and obviously the way that he was
10:43
Speaker 1: approaching money wasn't aligned to your values of wanting to
10:46
Speaker 1: be a bit more collaborative. What does that do to
10:49
Speaker 1: your mental health during that time, because I feel like
10:52
Speaker 1: that would weigh quite as somebody who also experiences mental
10:55
Speaker 1: health issues ongoing, like that would play a lot into
10:59
Speaker 1: from my perspective, maybe my self confidence and my self worth.
11:02
Speaker 1: And how did that, I guess impact you personally, not
11:06
Speaker 1: what it would have done to me.
11:07
Speaker 4: It definitely impacted my confidence, my self esteem, my security
11:14
Speaker 4: in the relationship. It made me really insecure, sad, depressed.
11:22
Speaker 4: It didn't feel like it was a fair standing between us,
11:28
Speaker 4: and I think it just really dissolved my confidence in
11:35
Speaker 4: terms of our future together.
11:38
Speaker 2: Yeah.
11:39
Speaker 1: No, And that's really common. I find it really interesting
11:42
Speaker 1: having these conversations because sometimes you'll talk to a couple,
11:45
Speaker 1: right and they'll say, no, we have completely separate funds
11:48
Speaker 1: and like we don't mix money at all, and you go, wow,
11:51
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that, but like good for you. Or
11:54
Speaker 1: maybe you talk to a couple and they go, yep,
11:56
Speaker 1: like absolutely everything is shared. We only have one bank
11:58
Speaker 1: account between the two of us, and that's what works
12:00
Speaker 1: for us, and you might flip around and go, Wow,
12:02
Speaker 1: that wouldn't work for me. And I think that the
12:05
Speaker 1: thing that is consistent in those conversations is it seems
12:09
Speaker 1: that both parties in that relationship have the same value set,
12:12
Speaker 1: so they want to share their finances or they've come
12:15
Speaker 1: to the conclusion that separate finances works for them. But
12:19
Speaker 1: from your perspective or what I'm picking up on here
12:22
Speaker 1: is that it actually wasn't your values and you wanted
12:24
Speaker 1: to share and he was maybe being a little bit distant,
12:27
Speaker 1: which obviously is going to play into you feeling insecure
12:31
Speaker 1: and you're not feeling like you want to you know,
12:33
Speaker 1: you're not feeling that committed in the relationship, which makes
12:36
Speaker 1: you not feel like a good person. So how did
12:39
Speaker 1: you come to the conclusion that, all right, well, our
12:42
Speaker 1: values are not the same. This is impacting me in
12:44
Speaker 1: a way that is irrepairable, and I don't want to
12:47
Speaker 1: be in this relationship anymore. How did you make that decision?
12:50
Speaker 1: Because just because you're in a bad relationship, it doesn't
12:53
Speaker 1: mean that you don't like the person anymore, Right, Like,
12:56
Speaker 1: at what point did you decide or right over and out?
12:59
Speaker 1: My friend?
12:59
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it was the point where we were
13:03
Speaker 4: no longer communicating civilly about it, and it was the
13:07
Speaker 4: point where there was no compromise whatsoever. When I wanted
13:12
Speaker 4: to talk about our future and possibly having a joint
13:15
Speaker 4: fund to pay for joint bills or joint groceries and
13:21
Speaker 4: that kind of stuff, it was not on. It was
13:23
Speaker 4: absolutely shut down, And I just I didn't want to
13:28
Speaker 4: be in a relationship with someone who didn't value my opinion,
13:31
Speaker 4: or respect my opinion, or even want to work with
13:33
Speaker 4: me on it anymore. So I think that was, amongst
13:37
Speaker 4: other things, obviously, but that was one of the tipping points.
13:41
Speaker 1: I think it makes my heart really happy to hear
13:44
Speaker 1: you say like, no, I don't want to be in
13:46
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone who doesn't have the same values
13:48
Speaker 1: as me, and that to me is really important. But
13:51
Speaker 1: I want to know talk me through what happened when
13:53
Speaker 1: you did move out. You moved back in with your parents, obviously,
13:55
Speaker 1: Like if you've been in a relationship with somebody moving
13:58
Speaker 1: back in with your parents and feel like a step backwards,
14:01
Speaker 1: talk me through that process and how you felt. I
14:04
Speaker 1: know you said you saved money, but it doesn't always
14:06
Speaker 1: mean you were super happy to be there.
14:08
Speaker 4: Right, No, I mean I love my parents.
14:11
Speaker 1: I adore my parents too, adore them like love spending
14:15
Speaker 1: time with them. Should I move back in with them?
14:17
Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
14:18
Speaker 4: Yeah. I felt a bit defeated about it, but I
14:23
Speaker 4: gave myself a goal. I said, look, I'll move back home,
14:26
Speaker 4: I'll save some money, I'll go on a nice trip,
14:28
Speaker 4: and then I can think about moving out with a
14:31
Speaker 4: friend maybe in the next year or so. So I
14:34
Speaker 4: had something in my future that I was looking forward to,
14:38
Speaker 4: and I never ended up doing that because I met
14:41
Speaker 4: my husband, my future husband to be back then. Things
14:46
Speaker 4: moved pretty fast with him, I will say, just because
14:49
Speaker 4: we were so aligned, like we have the same money,
14:53
Speaker 4: like thoughts ethos in everything, not just financial.
14:58
Speaker 1: But we just clicked when you know you oh money, diarist,
15:01
Speaker 1: when you know exactly that was like Steve and I
15:03
Speaker 1: zero to five thousand overnight, basically when you know you
15:06
Speaker 1: know yeap. So I want to know you obviously saved
15:10
Speaker 1: and wanted to go on a trip, and then you
15:11
Speaker 1: met your partner. But what are your current big money goals,
15:14
Speaker 1: like what are we currently working towards? Because you got
15:16
Speaker 1: married last year and that's usually did a pretty big
15:19
Speaker 1: money goal to tick off the list.
15:21
Speaker 4: That was the money goal, the wedding and the extended honeymoon,
15:25
Speaker 4: which was also a big money.
15:26
Speaker 1: Chunk, money chunk.
15:28
Speaker 4: I like that, yep. But the next plan is I've
15:32
Speaker 4: got to it's to buy my own investment property because
15:36
Speaker 4: my husband had one prior to us getting married. So
15:39
Speaker 4: we're paying that off together to buy my own. And
15:42
Speaker 4: I want to set up investment accounts for my future children.
15:45
Speaker 2: Oh.
15:45
Speaker 1: I love this, so that.
15:47
Speaker 4: You know when they get to eighteen or whenever, they
15:50
Speaker 4: can either put down a deposit on a house or
15:53
Speaker 4: something or go for a nice big trip.
15:55
Speaker 1: I love this all right. So you want to invest
15:57
Speaker 1: for your children's future, But I want to know do
15:59
Speaker 1: you currently best for yourself? I do, yes, tell me
16:02
Speaker 1: about it? How when and where?
16:04
Speaker 2: Why?
16:04
Speaker 1: When did you start?
16:06
Speaker 4: I started when I started listening to you actually on
16:09
Speaker 4: this podcast. I have a six park account, yes, created it,
16:14
Speaker 4: love and I have around as I checked this morning,
16:18
Speaker 4: twenty three thousand.
16:19
Speaker 1: Oh who are you? That is an epic amount to
16:22
Speaker 1: have invested. She's on the Money's podcasts only three How good?
16:26
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that. And do you have
16:28
Speaker 1: any other investments You've got six park. But are you
16:30
Speaker 1: dabbling in anything else or talk to me about your Super.
16:33
Speaker 4: Yes, I've got one hundred and forty three two hundred
16:37
Speaker 4: and ninety four in my super.
16:39
Speaker 1: And you're thirty two and you've got one hundred and
16:41
Speaker 1: forty grand in super. That is epic. But also you
16:44
Speaker 1: did say you work in the touistiary sector, which means
16:48
Speaker 1: that you have a very very sexy superannuation guarantee, which
16:53
Speaker 1: is what is yours because.
16:54
Speaker 4: They very seventeen percent.
16:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you get seventeen percent super. That is very
16:58
Speaker 1: very nice. I'm very envy, so envioused that i have
17:01
Speaker 1: to go to a break to calm down, and then
17:02
Speaker 1: when we get back, I'm going to go through debt
17:04
Speaker 1: and talking about your best and worst habits and diving
17:07
Speaker 1: a little bit more into how you got through your
17:09
Speaker 1: mental health issues. Don't go anywhere, guys, All right, money Darist.
17:17
Speaker 1: We are back and we have been talking literally everything
17:20
Speaker 1: from you getting married in twenty twenty two to mental
17:23
Speaker 1: health issues to you earning seventeen and a half percent Super,
17:25
Speaker 1: which is definitely big dog energy. I actually want to
17:28
Speaker 1: railroad this conversation slightly. How did you save up for
17:32
Speaker 1: your wedding and what were your wedding values, because I
17:34
Speaker 1: feel like I'm still in this bubble of really enjoying
17:38
Speaker 1: absorbing other people's wedding content and their budgets and how
17:42
Speaker 1: they did it. Talk to me about it. How long
17:43
Speaker 1: were you engaged? Like all of that information, I'm going
17:46
Speaker 1: to need it right now.
17:47
Speaker 4: So we got engaged at the end of twenty twenty.
17:51
Speaker 4: We were supposed to get married in twenty one, but
17:53
Speaker 4: COVID life, so we were engaged for two years. As
17:58
Speaker 4: soon as we got engaged, I cordoned off a little
18:01
Speaker 4: bank account and I just started throwing money into it.
18:07
Speaker 4: Sat down with my husband first and we worked out
18:12
Speaker 4: our maximum limit, and then I went away and organized.
18:19
Speaker 1: It all basically, so you were also the resident wedding planner.
18:23
Speaker 1: I like this.
18:24
Speaker 4: I was.
18:24
Speaker 2: I was.
18:25
Speaker 4: We did sit down and I said what's most important
18:27
Speaker 4: to you? And he said music and food? And I went, Okay,
18:32
Speaker 4: what's most important to me? Flowers and venue and dresses.
18:37
Speaker 4: And then we went and sourced proposals for those big
18:42
Speaker 4: ticket items and then came back together saw how much
18:46
Speaker 4: was left in our pot basically of our budget, and
18:49
Speaker 4: then did the rest.
18:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, airpic can I be really perfy and ask what
18:53
Speaker 1: your wedding cost?
18:54
Speaker 4: You know what, I don't know exactly neither do I.
18:57
Speaker 1: Neither do I because my head is buried in this.
19:00
Speaker 1: And let's call it an approximate amount, Like was it
19:02
Speaker 1: a five thousand dollar wedding? Was it a fifty thousand
19:04
Speaker 1: dollar wedding?
19:05
Speaker 4: My cap originally was about twenty five YEP. I think
19:10
Speaker 4: it probably creaked closer to thirty.
19:13
Speaker 1: Hey, I think that's still under the average for Australia.
19:16
Speaker 1: So you must have been a pretty good little wedding planner. Yeah,
19:20
Speaker 1: so I want to know how did you come to
19:22
Speaker 1: that budget of twenty five thousand dollars, Like you sat
19:24
Speaker 1: down with your husband and you just said, hey, I
19:26
Speaker 1: think twenty five grand is good. Or did you kind
19:29
Speaker 1: of do some research on flowers and you know, the
19:31
Speaker 1: food and the music that was important to you was
19:33
Speaker 1: going to cost, and then work backwards, like how did
19:36
Speaker 1: you come up with the number? Because it's interesting how
19:39
Speaker 1: everybody comes up with them in a different way.
19:41
Speaker 4: I think I researched the venue first because I knew
19:44
Speaker 4: that was going to be the big ticket, Yeah, the
19:46
Speaker 4: most important and the most expensive. I knew what the
19:51
Speaker 4: flowers would roughly cost and how much I was willing to.
19:54
Speaker 1: Give to flower Fair.
19:56
Speaker 4: And then I kind of went to my husband said
20:00
Speaker 4: this is what it's going to cost for these items.
20:03
Speaker 4: I think we should set X amount And then he
20:06
Speaker 4: balked and was like no, And then I talked him
20:10
Speaker 4: through all of the life.
20:11
Speaker 1: I mean basically, yes, oh how interesting. Oh my gosh.
20:16
Speaker 1: The way that you're smiling when we talk about your
20:18
Speaker 1: husband means that I know you married the right person,
20:20
Speaker 1: which is really really sweet. But I want to go back.
20:22
Speaker 1: We were talking earlier about you know, we've put a
20:25
Speaker 1: trigger warning on this episode. We talked about you know,
20:27
Speaker 1: trauma and depression and eating disorders and all of those
20:31
Speaker 1: things like they just like it sounds awful, but they
20:34
Speaker 1: just don't leave you. Like, as somebody who has experienced
20:37
Speaker 1: in eating disorder and also has depression and is an
20:40
Speaker 1: on an ongoing management plan for depression, I'm assuming that
20:44
Speaker 1: you might be in a really similar position. Wedding planning
20:47
Speaker 1: can be stressful. How did all of this play into
20:50
Speaker 1: you know, your depression and the eating disorder you had
20:53
Speaker 1: and managing stressful situations? And now what I'm assuming is
20:56
Speaker 1: a relatively stressful job, like, you don't earn one hundred
20:58
Speaker 1: and forty thousand dollars and have no press sure on you,
21:01
Speaker 1: So I talk me through. I guess how all of
21:04
Speaker 1: that plays into your money story.
21:06
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think it wasn't so much the planning a
21:10
Speaker 4: wedding that was stressful, because I'm a good planner and
21:14
Speaker 4: I had it all done in a few weeks. Anyway.
21:16
Speaker 4: It was more so COVID coming in and disrupting my
21:20
Speaker 4: plans and when I wanted to get married and all
21:23
Speaker 4: of my other plans that I wanted to do after that.
21:26
Speaker 4: My job is also really stressful, and I think I
21:30
Speaker 4: just got into a spiral where everything fed off one
21:35
Speaker 4: another and I just broke down. And that's when I
21:40
Speaker 4: had to go into the psychiatric facility. And I was
21:42
Speaker 4: really grateful that I had some savings behind me so
21:46
Speaker 4: that I could one pay for the facility, pay for
21:49
Speaker 4: the health insurance to go into the facility, but also
21:53
Speaker 4: to be able to take some time off work as well.
21:56
Speaker 4: And I think that's really important that everybody has, you know,
22:01
Speaker 4: a little emergency fund or just a little bit of something,
22:04
Speaker 4: because you never know what's going to happen in life
22:06
Speaker 4: in that year I had deaths in the family. I had,
22:12
Speaker 4: you know, as you say, wedding stress and trying to
22:15
Speaker 4: plan replan a postponed wedding. I have quite a very
22:21
Speaker 4: stressful job. I do like it, but it does play
22:24
Speaker 4: on my mental health especially, and it all just fed
22:28
Speaker 4: into one big depression monster and I needed to take
22:33
Speaker 4: some time off.
22:34
Speaker 1: How did you get to a point where you were
22:37
Speaker 1: happy to accept the help? So I feel like a
22:40
Speaker 1: lot of us get to this point of burnout and
22:42
Speaker 1: everything becomes all consuming and we bury our heads in
22:45
Speaker 1: the sand. But I feel like you've done it. We
22:48
Speaker 1: won't say the right way, but in a way that's
22:51
Speaker 1: put you in the best possible position to be your
22:54
Speaker 1: best self. And I think often psychiatric help and going
22:58
Speaker 1: especially into a psychiatric hospital often shrouded with you know,
23:01
Speaker 1: judgment and feeling like that's a level of defeat. And
23:05
Speaker 1: I don't believe that for a second. But how did
23:07
Speaker 1: you go? Do you know what? This is what I need?
23:09
Speaker 1: Because a lot of people that that is suggested to
23:12
Speaker 1: say oh, absolutely not, and they just continue struggling on
23:15
Speaker 1: what point did you have to get to to go Yep,
23:18
Speaker 1: that's absolutely what we need to do, And I'm really happy.
23:20
Speaker 4: To I got to a really low point. I was
23:24
Speaker 4: having suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts, and it was actually
23:30
Speaker 4: my husband and my psychologists, So my psychiatric team that
23:35
Speaker 4: said think about yourself, think about your husband, and they
23:41
Speaker 4: really just talked me into it. I did need talking
23:45
Speaker 4: into it.
23:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that's what real support is often about.
23:49
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really me just opening my ears, if
23:54
Speaker 4: you will, yeah, and listening to the very heartfelt and
24:00
Speaker 4: sincere wishes of my family, my husband, and my friends
24:04
Speaker 4: to say it's okay to take a break.
24:06
Speaker 1: Take a break, one hundred percent it is. And I'm
24:08
Speaker 1: so glad that you were surrounded by that support during
24:11
Speaker 1: that period of time because it can be such a
24:14
Speaker 1: challenging thing. How was it coming out? How was it
24:17
Speaker 1: coming out and having to go back into real life,
24:19
Speaker 1: like get back into work and get back into life
24:21
Speaker 1: and you know, obviously finish the wedding planning, which you
24:25
Speaker 1: obviously have done. What was that transition?
24:28
Speaker 2: Like?
24:28
Speaker 4: It was really weird, I will say, but it was
24:33
Speaker 4: really gentle and soft. I had really great friends and
24:36
Speaker 4: family and even my colleagues and my work was really supportive.
24:41
Speaker 4: So I'm really grateful that everybody was so understanding. It
24:45
Speaker 4: really made me rethink the stigma around mental health that
24:49
Speaker 4: I shouldn't be so ashamed. No feeling a lot of shame, yeah,
24:53
Speaker 4: but everyone was just so understanding and empathetic and compassionate.
24:59
Speaker 4: It was It's really touching.
25:01
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that. I love that that's your experience
25:05
Speaker 1: of it, because I think if people are listening to
25:07
Speaker 1: this and they're just at that point, or maybe they
25:09
Speaker 1: don't have the support that you had, there's nothing to
25:11
Speaker 1: be worried about. In fact, you will find the support
25:14
Speaker 1: the more you seek it. And I feel like at
25:17
Speaker 1: times like that, you often don't want to put your
25:19
Speaker 1: hand up and say you're drowning, and a lot of
25:21
Speaker 1: people only say that they are drowning once they have
25:24
Speaker 1: pulled themselves out of the water. But you don't have to, like,
25:26
Speaker 1: we can actually all be in it together and be
25:30
Speaker 1: really supportive during a period of time like this, And
25:32
Speaker 1: I think that's one thing that I know this shouldn't
25:35
Speaker 1: come as a surprise, but it's really shocking to me,
25:38
Speaker 1: especially having been through mental health issues, how supportive people
25:42
Speaker 1: are when you go, oh, I'm just having a bit
25:43
Speaker 1: of a rough time, and they go, oh, Victoria well,
25:46
Speaker 1: and you go, oh, that's not how I thought the
25:48
Speaker 1: conversation would go, because I think in that moment, you
25:51
Speaker 1: really feel like a burden and you're not. You're not
25:53
Speaker 1: a burden at all.
25:55
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I feel the same way as you do. I'd
25:58
Speaker 4: say nine points nine times out of ten when I
26:01
Speaker 4: have a conversation with someone about mental health, they are
26:05
Speaker 4: understanding and they say, oh, me too, and then we
26:09
Speaker 4: just have that shared understanding. It's really great. It's only
26:13
Speaker 4: that point one point zero one percent where it goes.
26:17
Speaker 1: Hey, wi, yeah, one hundred percent. All right. I want
26:20
Speaker 1: to get back on track or more on track with
26:22
Speaker 1: money diaries. So let's segue back into those structured questions.
26:28
Speaker 1: We haven't asked about debt. We've talked about investment, we've
26:31
Speaker 1: talked about your money goals. I want to know do
26:33
Speaker 1: you have any debt? If so, what is it.
26:35
Speaker 4: I don't myself, though my husband has a mortgage. It's
26:41
Speaker 4: our mortgage now, so we're paying that off, yep, for
26:43
Speaker 4: his property. But I don't have any other debts apart
26:46
Speaker 4: from that. I paid off my hex debt completely last year,
26:49
Speaker 4: which is really great, really freeing. It's so freeing. It's
26:55
Speaker 4: nice to see my paypacket go up slightly and then
26:59
Speaker 4: be taken back for tax.
27:00
Speaker 1: But we won't talk about that part. At least you
27:03
Speaker 1: don't see some of it just going towards tex I
27:05
Speaker 1: totally get it. I totally get that, or I want
27:08
Speaker 1: to know of it. About your shopping habits as well,
27:10
Speaker 1: What do you think is your best money habit?
27:13
Speaker 4: I set up accounts for each of my goals and requirements.
27:17
Speaker 4: So I had my wedding and honeymoon fund, which I'm
27:20
Speaker 4: now converting into investment property fund, bills, spending an emergency,
27:26
Speaker 4: and once I put those automatically into their I lock
27:30
Speaker 4: them away like I don't dip back into them. And
27:34
Speaker 4: when I am feeling particularly impulsive, which I was during
27:40
Speaker 4: when my mental health was at its worst because I
27:43
Speaker 4: was just using that crutch, you know, shopping to make
27:47
Speaker 4: myself feel better, I would give all of my accounts
27:51
Speaker 4: to my husband and be like, don't give me any money.
27:54
Speaker 1: I love that. That's a very good level of self awareness.
27:58
Speaker 4: Yes, I'd be like, Oh, I'm feeling spendy today, can you.
28:01
Speaker 1: Just take just hide my money for right now?
28:04
Speaker 4: Yes?
28:05
Speaker 2: Love?
28:06
Speaker 1: Would you say that's your worst money habit? If not,
28:08
Speaker 1: what is it.
28:09
Speaker 4: That's probably my worst money habit is the impulsive shopping.
28:12
Speaker 1: But I feel like you're self aware of that in
28:14
Speaker 1: that you literally have strategies to make sure that that's
28:18
Speaker 1: not happening. How good is that?
28:20
Speaker 4: Yes, it is. I should give myself props for that.
28:22
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you props for that. I really
28:24
Speaker 1: really like that You're like, all right, well, if I'm
28:25
Speaker 1: feeling a bit spendy, this is what I do instead
28:27
Speaker 1: of just going, yeah, I get really spendy and I
28:30
Speaker 1: don't have a strategy to deal with this. Like that
28:32
Speaker 1: is very not head in the sand behavior. We like
28:34
Speaker 1: to see that over it cheese on the money. I'm
28:37
Speaker 1: going to wrap this up because I am very aware
28:40
Speaker 1: that I have been talking to you for a long
28:42
Speaker 1: time and I'm so so grateful of it. But at
28:45
Speaker 1: the very start of the episode, I asked you to
28:47
Speaker 1: grade yourself and your money habits, and you gave me
28:50
Speaker 1: a C plus. And throughout this money diary, you've told
28:54
Speaker 1: me a lot about your investment and your savings and
28:56
Speaker 1: how you paid for your wedding and how you're saving
28:59
Speaker 1: for an investment, and you have a banking and cash
29:02
Speaker 1: flow plan, and that you know obviously you're quite self
29:05
Speaker 1: aware when it comes to spending. Do you still think
29:08
Speaker 1: you're a C plus?
29:10
Speaker 4: Probably not.
29:13
Speaker 1: What would you give your spending habits if we now
29:16
Speaker 1: asked you to give yourself a grade.
29:19
Speaker 4: I'd say we're creeping up to B plus.
29:21
Speaker 1: I like this. I like this a lot, and do
29:23
Speaker 1: you know what it shows me? It shows me that
29:25
Speaker 1: the more money conversations we have, the more likely we
29:29
Speaker 1: are to be kind on ourselves when it comes to
29:31
Speaker 1: money habits. So this has been good. This has been
29:33
Speaker 1: really good, money diarist. Thank you so much for joining
29:37
Speaker 1: us for a money diary. I feel like I've learned
29:39
Speaker 1: a lot. I also feel like I've related a lot
29:41
Speaker 1: to a lot of your story, So thank you for
29:43
Speaker 1: joining us. I know that this is going to go
29:45
Speaker 1: down so well in the community.
29:47
Speaker 4: Thank you. Thanks for having me.
29:48
Speaker 1: Of course, all right, guys, we will see you on Wednesday.
29:58
Speaker 1: The advice shared on Cheese on the Money is general
30:00
Speaker 1: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
30:04
Speaker 1: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
30:08
Speaker 1: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
30:11
Speaker 1: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
30:14
Speaker 1: the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards
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