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Money Mindset · Gay Men Going Deeper

• 0:02
  Speaker A: Hello everyone, and welcome to Gay Men going Deeper. This is a podcast by the Gay Men's Brotherhood where we talk about personal development, mental health and sexuality. We are your hosts. My name is Michael Diorio. I am a life and wellness coach specializing in sexuality, relationships and self confidence. We also have Matt Lanle. He is an intuitive life and spiritual coach and counselor focusing on healing and empowerment. And we have Reno Johnston. He is a spiritual life, love and business coach. We each have our own coaching practices, but in this podcast, we're sharing all of our best stuff. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about our money mindset. Some of the questions we'll be unpacking today are, what is your relationship with money? Have you ever suffered a financial setback? And how did that affect your money mindset? And if you won $1,000,000, how would your life change and how would it remain the same? So we're excited to jump into this today. We've never actually done a podcast specifically about money, so this is going to be a fun one. Okay, a few reminders for our audience out there. We do continue this discussion on the last Thursday of every month in the Gay Men's Brotherhood Zoom Hangout. This is where we give you guys, our viewers and listeners, a chance to share your own thoughts on the topics that we discuss here. So if you want to join us, go to the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook group and check out the Events tab to rsvp. We'll also put the link in the Show Notes. Now, if you don't have Facebook, that's okay. All you got to do is get on our email list and we'll email you the Zoom link the day before. Okay, a reminder that this podcast and YouTube channel channel are listener and viewer supported. So if you enjoy what we're creating here, you can support us by making a donation using the link in the show notes. You could also subscribe to get early access to episodes on Apple Podcasts. All of your support helps us to continue making content and supporting our community, so we thank you very much in advance for that. And finally, if you're looking to accelerate your personal development journey, please check out our coaching collection. It includes our two courses, healing your shame and building better relationships. Plus it includes over 45 premium personal development coaching videos on on topics relating to body positivity, relationships, self confidence and community. So you can head over to gay men going deeper.com for more info. All right, let's jump into today's topic on Money mindset. So as I like to do. I want to start off by explaining what I mean when I say money mindset. To me, this is my, my personal definition of it. We can get, get more into this as we go on. So money isn't good or bad on its own. It's neutral. It doesn't, it doesn't have anything. Right. But your thoughts about money are not likely to be neutral. So every one of us has a money mindset. Whether you know it or not. Your money mindset is the combination of your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs about money. So that's what we're talking about when we say money mindset. Your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs about money. And this, in my opinion, is what determines your experience in real life in and around money, with money. Okay, so your money mindset has probably been influenced by your upbringing and the people that you spend the most amount of time with, your peers in your, in your day to day life. Some of your money mindset may be very useful, some of it may not be so useful. Either way, it will feel very true to you. And you know your, what your money mindset is when you find yourself justifying it, even if it's not helpful for you. So some examples of some common thoughts about money that you've probably heard in the world. Money is the root of all evil. Money doesn't grow on trees. I heard that one a lot. Rich people are greedy. There's never enough money. You have to work really hard to make money. I also heard that one a lot as a kid. Money doesn't matter and money's all that matters. Two very different things. Right? So these are some common thoughts. So depending on what your money mindset is, you may be creating a relationship with money that is based on scarcity, financial hardship, maybe greed. Maybe you're overspending, maybe you're perpetually under earning. You could be overworking. Or on the more positive side of things, maybe you're creating a relationship that is based on abundance and flow and wealth and freedom and fun. Generosity. These are all nice words, right? So the good news is, of course, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that you can always change your money mindset, just like you can change your mindset about anything you want. So our goal here today is to get you thinking about your money mindset so that it's conscious and intentional. Because like I said, we all have one, whether we know it or not. So we are not here. I'm going to say this from the jump. I'm going to speak on Behalf of Matt and Reno, because I'm pretty sure they agree with me on this. We are not here today to tell you how to think about money. That's not what we're doing today. We are going to share our own thoughts and experiences with money in our own lives in hopes that that will inspire you to create a money mindset that helps you live the life you most want to live. Okay, so to help with this, I'm going to start off by pulling out some of my own favorite money beliefs from my own mind. So this is. This is me talking about my own experience, and I'll use this as an example. And this actually will answer the first question for us, which is, what is your money mindset? What are. What's your relationship with money? I'm going to use this as my answer to that. So I'll give you guys five that I. Well, four that I really like. And the last one is iffy. We'll get to that. Okay, so the first one I love when I thought about what is my money mindset is money doesn't buy you happiness. I agree, and I fully believe this, and I love having this. How do I know this is true? Because there are lots of happy people without money, and there are lots of unhappy people that have lots of money. So clearly these two things are not. Maybe they're related, but there's no causation here. Okay. So I know that happiness does not come from having money. Happiness comes from having a positive mindset. I know that. Right. Also, I've been in situations where I've had lots of money and I've been unhappy. I've also been in situations where I haven't had lots of money, and I've been very happy. Right. So I see that in my own personal life. So that's one that I love. Another one that I love is the best things in life are free. That one makes me feel good. Or I'll say, or in brackets or cost very little. Some of my favorite things in life, being in nature. I love getting on my bike, riding around the city, exploring new places. I love spending time with my family and friends very much. I love writing. I love creating. So if you think about it, even if you took all my money away, I could still have these things. I could still have my friends and family, be in nature, ride my bike, and write and create. So that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean that money doesn't matter at all. I don't. I don't believe that that's this is. I do think money matters. Absolutely. Because for me, having money in my experience has been able to enrich. Good word. And enhance all of these things. Right. So let's. Let's look at this side. So I said I like spending time in nature. Sure, I can walk outside, go to the park, and there I'm in nature. But with money that affords me the luxury of travel, I can go visit Matt in Calgary and go look at nature in the Rockies. I can go to Thailand and the beaches there. So I can enhance my. The joys that I have experiencing time in nature with my family and friends. Sure. I could just, you know, go for a walk with my friend down the street. That's fine. But what money does is it gives us an opportunity to enhance the experiences we have. I can go for nice dinners, we can go on vacations together, go to parties and concerts and have these experiences. When it comes to exploring, obviously I can explore the world beyond just my bike on the city. My going on my bike and exploring the city. I can get on a plane and go anywhere I want. And then when it comes to writing and creating, when I have money, I can afford to pay for coaching and develop my skills. That then allows me to create at a higher level, which is great. I'm kind of investing in myself, which is nice. Okay. So money, all the best things in life are free and money enhances those things. So I want to hold those both at the same time. The other one I like is that money gives me options. It opens doors that I wouldn't have otherwise. Right. So when I have money, I have more time. When I have money, I can help my loved ones. I can be generous with it, I can donate it. I can, I can give it away if I have lots of it. I can invest it, I can spend it. It's just nice to have those options. And that for me feels really good. And then the last one, which I said is kind of iffy. Money comes when it goes. I say this a lot. Money comes when it goes. So that sounds nice. I like the money comes part, but then the money goes part sometimes reminds me that not to take it for granted that, you know, having. Just because I might have it today doesn't mean I'm going to have it tomorrow. So it does at the same time create a little bit of a fiscal conservativeness within me. And it reminds me to save and it just reminds me not to take it for granted. So I don't know if that's necessarily good or bad, but I Do feel a bit more anxious in my body when I think the thought. Money comes, money goes. Okay, so overall, those are some of my top five money thoughts and beliefs. So you can kind of get an idea for my relationship with money Today wasn't always this way. We can get into that later. So overall, I would say my relationship with money is a good one. I like it. I feel good about money. It isn't the most important thing to me, but I also enjoy making it, I enjoy having it, and I enjoy spending it. And there's nothing wrong with that. I feel no shame saying that. So that's me, guys. That's. That's a bit of my relationship with money. So let's turn it over to our co host today. And today I'm going to start with Matt.
• 10:03
  Speaker B: All right. Yeah. Thanks for the. The introduction, Michael. That was really good. It stimulated some things in me. I always like when I don't have to host because then I get to, you know, kind of stew a bit. So thank you for that. Yeah. What come up for me? So I grew up with, I would say, like, middle class. My dad really instilled a lot of responsibility in me around money. So he told me, you know, I wanted a car so bad. I got my learner's license when I was 14. The day. And I had my car when I was 15, and it sat in the garage for almost like eight months before I turned 16. So the day I turned 16, so I'd go in there every night and I'd sit in my car in the garage and I'd smoke some weed. And, you know, I just like, christened the car. And then when I was 16, I was like, okay, I'm heading out. But I ended up saving up for that car. So I believe the car was 7,000. It was an Acura Integra. And I saved up 3,500 dollars working at a W. And I had 3,500 in cash in a sock in my sock drawer. And then once I had that money saved up, I went to my dad, and so he matched that. So, like, I've always had, like an instill. He instilled that in me to, like, be really responsible. But I, you know, as soon as my spiritual path started, probably around the age of, I don't know, like, serious spiritual path, probably around 25, I started to kind of play, you know, develop, like, a spiritual ego. And I started to have, like, a lot of judgment towards money and towards materialism. And I created major blocks for myself around that. I. I would judge People that had money as like, yeah, you know, greedy people and rich people are greedy and these sorts of things. And I started to really struggle with money and you know, when I started being, becoming an entrepreneur, I had a lot of struggle bringing abundance in. And I had abundance in the sense of, of a following and people and you know, that sort of thing. I've never really had an issue with that attracting people, but monetarily it wasn't converting. And I've had a lot of challenging times financially and I. It wasn't until recently that I've started to experience abundance. I would say probably in the last two or three years I've started to experience financial abundance. And for me it was about trust. I had two pretty like dark periods where I struggled financially, which I'll talk about in the, the next question. And they really. Well, in my, in retrospect, it was the universe using finance, finances to submit me to, into surrender and because it was the one area that the universe knew meant a lot to me, which, which was my business and these sorts of things. So I've had really peaks and valleys in my business because I don't believe the universe is going to like completely starve someone out. They're going to like starve you out for a bit, make you surrender a bit, learn how to trust, and then they'll give you a little bit of abundance. Right. So it's like that's how my journey went. It was a lot of peaking and valleying. So I would say my, my, my relationship with money went from pretty trusting because I didn't come from an upbringing where there was a lot of scarcity into judgment of money as something as, as a bad thing. And then it was used as a mechanism to help me trust and surrender in the universe and move from a scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset, which I have now and actually the last three years has been really, really instrumental in helping me achieve an abundance mindset. So I'm pretty, pretty lucky. I feel pretty fortunate that way. So, um, yeah, I think that was everything I wanted to share.
• 14:24
  Speaker A: Can you, can you share with us, Matt, like one of your favorite thoughts about money?
• 14:29
  Speaker B: One of my favorite thoughts about money, yeah.
• 14:33
  Speaker A: Or a belief you have that serves you.
• 14:36
  Speaker B: I love money. I love money now. And I think it's, there's a part of me that when I was in the spiritual aspect of me, I would, I was like a minimalist for a long time and I didn't, I didn't have money and I was always like, oh, I Don't really even want things, you know, and I don't even like buying birthday gifts for people and I, I created all these stories around these sorts of things and I would say I don't want gifts from people and, and I was, I was playing small because I didn't have and then once I started to have, I started to realize that I actually really love like when I go on vacation, like I'll go up and down like little Main street strips in like small places and I'll like, I love spending money and supporting small businesses and like playing in this, this dance of reciprocity. You know, I, I allocate like around $1,000 every month to supporting people like myself. So I hire coaches, I go to massage therapists, I see osteopaths. I, you know, do all these things that are good for my self care but I also do it because it's, I'm contributing to people that are small business owners and well, solopreneurs really. And ever since I, that it's, I don't know, it's just, it's almost like I, I, I've had to learn to give and when you give, you get back. It's like tithing and these sorts of things. And another thing I do actually is I, I go to the bank and I take $100 and I get it in $5 bills and I keep it in my, the thing that flips down in my car, whatever the sun thing and whenever people, because there's a lot of homeless people in Calgary and they'll come up to your car and ask for money and I'll give out $5 bills. Right. And that's part of the way I like to give back and things like that. So ever since I started doing that I really, I feel like I'm in the flow. I'm in the flow of reciprocity and things come to me and then I give back. But if I ever start to fall into old patterning of scarcity mindset and I'm like, oh well, but maybe I shouldn't give this because I might not have enough. The universe pinches me off. I feel it. Right. It's really interesting. So it's all about trusting and learning how to give and then you'll always get back tenfold to what you give. Yeah, as long as you're not giving to get. I've learned that too. It's like you can't just give to hope that you're going to get 10 times back. It has to come from an altruistic place within. And that's part of being of service to humanity. And like. So, yeah, lots, lots of learning actually in the last few years, now that I think about it.
• 17:09
  Speaker A: I think that's, that's a hard thing to do. But yeah, thank you for sharing that. And I love that, that $5. I didn't even know people still had $5 bills. Like at banks. I'm cashless. Yeah, that's really nice. Okay, thank you. Reno, let's hear from you.
• 17:28
  Speaker C: It's interesting how as I'm listening to you all share, my ideas start to change. And I'm noticing that how I relate to money, my relationship to how I relate to the masculine is currently evolving in the way my relationship to how I related to money has evolved. So like, I remember I used to reject money. Right. And, and, and sort of the idea of it akin to, akin to. Matt, it was, it was during that like, period of spiritual awakening where I thought, oh, all things material and monetary, you know, I don't mess with those things. Like, I'm spiritual, you know, that is beneath me. Right? Absolutely not. And then with the, you know, it was again akin to that with the masculine. I'm sort of going through this period of my life right now when it comes to men and the masculine, where I'm, where I'm, I'm recognizing this, like, actually the love for, for that was there all along, you know, and so I'm being reintroduced to it and it's, it's a lot of fun. I'm really enjoying it. It's very liberating. I had a feast and famine upbringing, you know, so it was like the utilities were getting cut off or we didn't know where groceries were coming from. And I grew up in low income housing for a good chunk of the, the beginning of my life. And, and then simultaneously suddenly there'd be like sushi dinners or like expensive clothes and gifts and things like that. And so it was very kind of jarring for me, but I made it work. And when we didn't have money and I wanted something, I created it. So, you know, I can remember being a kid and setting up a lemonade stand on the curbside, you know, and getting really comfortable with creating what I wanted and asking for what I wanted. Um, I, I set up a car wash. I think I was maybe like 10 at that point, something like that. Set up a curbside car wash. And I learned the power of marketing. So imagine me in this like ridiculous wig and I, I still can't believe, first of All, I can't believe I'm sharing this. But second of all, I still can't believe I did this. But I had this, like, crazy wig on and I went and put on this, like, ridiculous dress, and I was on the curb holding up this side, and just, like, I would whip the wig off my head and, like, swing it around. Anyway, people just thought this was so hilarious and so cute. And there was, like, a group of us standing by the curb and we had this, like, car wash set up, and we ended up making a bunch of money. And so very quickly, I learned the power of entrepreneurship, of asking for what you want, of selling, of marketing, and it stayed with me. And so I. I would say, like, as far as my relationship to money goes, currently I recognize it as, you know, two things. One, currency, you know, and. And I love that word, current. You know, it's like it flows in and it flows out. You know, money flows, right? And it's used for the exchange of goods and services, you know, very simply. And. And two is that it's an idea. You know, a lot of. A lot of, like, my relationship to idea or the way. Or, sorry, money, or the ways that I look at money currently are that it's simply an idea. And I project all of my sort of internal beliefs, thoughts, ideas onto this notion of money. And then as a result, it reflects all of that back to me. And so for me, what that points to more than anything and what that has pointed to more than anything is my infinite capacity to create, right? Like that. When I saw that, it blew my mind. I was like, I'm creating everything, you know, I'm creating what relationships are and what they mean. I'm creating what, you know, who I am and what that means. I'm creating who you are and what that means, and I'm creating what money is and what that means. And when I started to get that, it really changed everything, because then I could just hold money lightly and go, yeah, you know, sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't. If I want it, I ask for it. You know, I can create things that make the inflow and influx of money more easy. They facilitate that process with ease. And the season I'm in right now is one in which, as I mentioned earlier, it's so sort of synchronistic. The masculine I view as sort of this, like, form, form giving energy. And so I'm really good at flow. You know, money flows in and money flows out, and, you know, I'm really good at this, like, flowy thing. And now I'm sort of in this process of building. You know, I'm in this process of building. What do they say? A river. A river without, like, river banks is a flood. Right. So. So I'm now just kind of building so that the money can just flow into me in a way that it hasn't been to this point. You know, it's been more sporadic. Right. It's like, one day I'll have $0, and the next day I'll have 5,000. And it's like, what is that? You know, So I know I'm great at creating it, and now it's just a matter of creating structure around it, you know, so that can happen more naturally and organically. And then I think one thing I want to say, too, is, like, I'm really comfortable with asking for money. I'm really comfortable with the discomfort of asking for money, and I'm also really comfortable spending it, you know, And I. I want to. I wanted to speak to this asking thing because that came with time and regulation. You know, I used to be a little more uncomfortable asking for money. And as the amounts got higher and higher, especially as I started, you know, coaching, for example. Right. I remember the first time I. I asked someone for $10,000, and that felt so edgy at the time, you know, but what happened was there was, like, this recalibration that took place in my body, so I held the energy of asking for an amount of money that I had never asked for. And all the stories and thinking and feeling that came up in that, and I just held it, and I didn't react. I just let it be there and waited for a response. And that as well became this sort of transformative experience for me, because what I got is, like, you can ask for what you want and, you know, and then. And then you can let that be there. And they're either going to say yes or no, or they may ask you to explain why, you know, why you're asking for that much. But anyway, that's. That's kind of where I'm at with money right now. At this point, I could say so much more, but I'll leave it there.
• 25:15
  Speaker A: Yeah, we will be saying so much more. That's awesome. I have a question. What. At what age were you. Did you learn that lesson about, like, marketing and creating?
• 25:26
  Speaker C: Well, I was probably about 10, and I think I got it before that, because the lemonade stand came even before that. But that. That was, like, a pivotal moment. And I was about 10 years old, and I Just got. You need a sign. No one's going to know what you're doing if you don't have a sign that says car wash, you know, and you need something that's going to make you stand out, you know, because otherwise where. I mean, yes, it's cute when you see kids and they have a car wash, right? But I thought, well, that's been done. What, like, what, what will make us stand out? And it was like, oh, well, if I'm whipping a wig off and swinging it around, that's going to get people's attention, you know? So, yeah, that's awesome.
• 26:08
  Speaker A: I was like 35 when I learned that lesson and I'm still learning it. So it's just so. It's so cool that you've had such a long experience, like knowing that, like, I can tell by the way you talk about it. It's, it's very deep knowing for you where it's not always that way for me. And I've learned this recently. This is a new skill that I've been in the solopreneurship game, which is actually a great segue for. For our next question, which is have you ever suffered a financial setback and how did it affect your money mindset? So this is perfect. You guys both, Matt and Reno, you both seem to have been entrepreneurs for a long time compared to me. This is fairly new. For me. It was 2020 that I, that I opened my business, Willismo. Before that, I had always been in a corporate job. So in that corporate world, it was in financial asset management here, downtown Toronto, on Bay street, which is the equivalent of Wall Street. I was making good money. By my mid-30s, I was making six figures, I had a salary, bonus, options, all the things. So I got really used to having money and I started working there fresh out of university, whatever age that is. Early twenties.
• 27:16
  Speaker C: So.
• 27:17
  Speaker A: And in my previously my childhood, we were in a middle class family. We didn't, I didn't, we didn't struggle too much, at least not that my parents ever let me see. So I didn't really know. Um. So yeah, I've never really had to deal with that, with any kind of financial setbacks. And in my 20s and 30s, early 30s, I never worried about it. I never worried about making ends meet and I never worried about getting my bills paid. I was probably making too much money for someone my age because I was just having all the fun, which is so good now that I look back. It enabled me to go out. I live that bachelor party, city boy lifestyle. Like, I was out almost every night of the week, never thinking twice about whether I could afford it. Going on vacations, there's always enough. There's always enough, right? And the next paycheck was just two weeks away. So two weeks later, I got another big dump of money in my bank account. That was really nice. So imagine my surprise when I started my own business, and out goes the cushy paycheck. And it all dried up really quick. Really, really quick. No more fancy lifestyle. No more being able to go out with my friends. Having to say no a lot really sucked. Literally. Anxiety about paying bills. Where am I going to pay this bill? Having to say no a lot. I even had to move out of my place. I couldn't afford the mortgage in my place, so I had to move out of here. I had to move out and find somewhere else to live temporarily, which is actually when we started the podcast, I believe. And I sold my car. So I had a car. I sold it. Couldn't afford that either. I was on EI and government assistance in the. In that first year of starting a business. It was during COVID as well. Didn't help anything. So that was the first financial hardship that I ever had to experience. And it was really tough coming from such a abundant lifestyle to have it all kind of go away really quickly. But I did it on purpose because I knew that. That I had a. I didn't know, but I had a belief that if I stick with it and I focus my energy and I focus my mindset, that this was really going to pay off for me. And it did. It has. So I'm really happy to. I'm really happy to say that on the other side of it, things have turned out just fine. So how did that affect my money mindset? Well, certainly put it to the test. Definitely went into scarcity mode quite a bit. There's not enough. That was. That was the plot all the time. Not enough. Here's the bills, here's money coming in. Not enough. Not enough is very desperate. It's very scary. I felt very anxious, but it did force me to really learn to surrender. Talked about and believe in myself, because I had been so used to relying on this corporation to just give me a paycheck. And so that's why I asked you, Reno, when. When did you learn that lesson? Because the lesson that you learned so young. Reno. I didn't know that I could create my own wealth using my own, you know, intuition, my own skills, my own talents, marketing. Like, I didn't learn that until recently. So, but that has been the lesson. I think that is why the universe put me through that is to realize, hey, Michael, you don't have to rely on your boss to set your salary. You can rely on yourself to set your salary. So I learned now through that experience that I see money as something I could create from living my purpose, not as something that I have to earn through suffering. Working through a 9 to 5, that's been the biggest game changer for me. And that actually, that financial setback actually set me up for adopting more of a abundant money mindset. So now I still have those moments of like, oh my God, what if it all disappears? Because like you said, money comes when it goes, right? It's not guaranteed. Some months are great, it's very abundant. Other months are not so great. Um, so it, it allows me to be. To learn more about saving and not just spending willy nilly like I used to. I'm a bit more fiscally conservative now than I used to be. So, yeah, that's, that was my financial hardship. And again, it was. Wasn't too long ago that I had to go through that. So let's hear from you guys. I'm. I'm actually a little envious that you guys got to learn these lessons about money. Creating your own money, creating your own wealth early. I wish that for someone listening to this who's young, please listen to us. Like, it is a wonderful thing if that is, if you're built that way and you're built as someone who, after listening to these episodes about purpose and discovering your purpose, if that appeals to you, if these episodes appeal to you, by all means, like, you do have what it takes. And yes, you might need some coaching, yes, you may need some help and support, but it's been the most amazing journey for me. Yeah.
• 31:51
  Speaker B: Thanks for letting us into your, your reality and, and doing so so vulnerably because, yeah, sometimes it's hard when we are struggling financially to like, want to share that with people because there's a lot of shame around it.
• 32:03
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 32:05
  Speaker B: Yeah, so I get it. I. I'm going into my 12th year of being an entrepreneur, so I left a cushy. Well, not as cushy as yours, but I was working for Alberta Health Services, which is a government, provincial government organization, as a mental health and addictions counselor. So I was making good money, about 80 grand a year or something like that. And I did it for two years, two and a half years, I think. And I, I don't like working for people. I Hate it. I hate answering to people. I'm too, I'm too visionary. I'm too much of a visionary. Like I'm, I want to be the one that makes the decisions for the organization not has to follow the decisions of the organization. And I knew that for myself from a very young age. So I was always, you know, getting written up at work places for like, you know, I was just, that's just who I am. So I'm like okay, I know I meant to be an entrepreneur. So I left, started my own private practice and it was like moderately successful but it was just a grind. Peeking and valleying and I went through a really rough patch. I went on a stress leave from work because I, I ended up having to work for an organization on the weekends doing doubles was. And then I decided to give that all up and I moved to Vancouver and I started working at a gym and again I lasted six months and then I was like peace out, this sucks. And I started hustling and I started, that's when I started building like you know, my fitness nutrition business and I, I started just riding my bike around to, to condo gyms and like training got different guys that I had met online and things like that and from, from the Steve Nash gym that I had worked at and that went really well and then that was kind of how things started to, to peak and I ended up peaking really well in the fitness industry. Like I had a ton, a big social following. I was finally for the first time in my career making really good money as an entrepreneur and I'm like, I made a five year plan that I was going from the time I was living in Vancouver that was like I'm gonna become an online coach and I'm going to be living abroad and I'm going to travel and I'm going to go to Thailand. That's what I said. So I did, I did it in four years, not five. So I packed up my stuff, put it in storage, went to Asia and I left Calgary with 33 clients and I was making really good money and was living in Asia, living the life and then co struck and I one after the other, email after the other after the other clients canceling like the gyms are closed, right? I can't afford this like all the things. And I ended up coming back to Cal. Well yeah, to Calgary with three so 33 to three clients and it was really humbling. Had a lot of shame. I was demoralized, it was really crappy and I wasn't quite sure what it was that I wanted to do, but I just. Well, there was a period where I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. And then it started to become clear to me that this is all a sign. This is because I. It was interesting. My. My fitness and nutrition coaching was turning into counseling sessions and my clients were like, loving it. And like, I. The old me that had this really deep desire and sole purpose to counsel people was coming through and I started working with like, food addiction and, and people wanting to deal with the emotional side of weight loss. And that's what my, My. My fitness nutrition practice started morphing into. So anyways, I came back. I had to go on cerb, which, which is like the, the assistance that the government gave to people in Canada and lived off of that for a while and then just slowly built up my counseling practice. And it's been a grind. And just in the last two years, things have been flourishing, but there was periods where I was really struggling and when I was living in Vancouver, specifically because it's so expensive there and you know, having to borrow money off of friends and, you know, it's funny though, I, I always had just enough. And it was really interesting. I ended up finding this. I was super stressed. I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent this month. My rent was like eighteen hundred dollars. Had like seven hundred in the bank. And I shit you not, I'm literally walking across the street from the beach and there was a gold bracelet laying in the crosswalk and I'm pick it up, I'm looking around and no one's there. So I'm like, okay, sweet. Held on to it. And then I was like, I'm gonna actually take this into the gold shop. And I got eleven hundred dollars for it. I had seven hundred my bank. That was my, my rent for the month. So the universe was always providing, you know. And that was when I started learning trust. And like, okay, like, I'm gonna be taken care of. I just have to trust that this is what, what I'm being meant to do. And that's when I started to surrender. I started to surrender into the fear, actually the fear of scarcity. I surrendered into it and it was just like, okay, if I'm going to be annihilated, I'm going to be annihilated. Like, what's the worst that's going to happen, right? And that was a really opportunity for me to just let go. And then my abundance mindset started to grow from that place because I wasn't holding on so desperately to fear. And I just went into the fear.
• 37:52
  Speaker A: Right.
• 37:52
  Speaker B: Instead of trying to avoid it and resist it, I went into it, and then it transmuted, and I started to develop an abundance mindset. So, yeah, very, very stressful. Not having money is very, very stressful. And actually, it's one of the biggest contributors to, like, loneliness and social isolation is. Is lack of money because we can't go out, we can't do things, so we stay at home. And then there's the shame of not having money, that you can't be out with your friends because money, you don't want to feel awkward. And so we stay home and we isolate, and it creates loneliness. So, yeah.
• 38:31
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 38:32
  Speaker A: Also one of the number one reasons for couples to have conflict. I think it is the number one reasons couples have conflicts.
• 38:40
  Speaker B: Yeah. Keep your money separately, yo. That's what I do.
• 38:44
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 38:44
  Speaker B: I ain't joining finances with nobody.
• 38:47
  Speaker A: Yeah, it's tough. It is tough. And. And having gone through that, I. I remember feeling that same sense of shame, inadequacy, same thing, I guess, that I used to be able to do this, and my people have seen me like, oh, this is. This is my perception out into the world. And all of a sudden, I didn't live in this place anymore. I couldn't do the things I want to do. And that was. We talked about this in the Reinvention podcast a while back, and I just realized, like, I knew, like, this is just. I have to go through this. And part of me intuitively, not in my brain, definitely not in my brain, but part of me, like, felt, even though this is very uncomfortable, it was the right thing to do, and I see now why. Yeah. So these financial setbacks, if anyone's listening to us today, and they are currently in a financial setback, I hope that these stories are. Are inspiring you as well, because just because you're in it, I remember thinking this as well. I thought, oh, this is the rest of my life now. I'm just never going to have money again. But that has changed. So, Reena, let's hear from you.
• 39:50
  Speaker C: Well, it's so funny that you say, you know, you thought this was going to be the rest of your life, and it really does feel that way in the moment. And I think that's true about so many things. Like, we're talking about money here today, but I want you to consider, you know, like, how we do one thing is how we do most things, you know, and. And. And so, like, I'VE just seen situations where I thought, like, oh, no, I'm never going to be happy again, or, oh, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Right? It all seems so permanent and so doom and gloom. And yet what I've discovered is that in my capacity, there's. I just pulled up this quote because I was trying to remember it. Blaise Pascal is his name, and he says all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. And, you know, I think that these, these setbacks that I'm about to share, they forced me to do that in a way to, to sit and to reconcile with some of these worst case scenarios, whether they happened in actuality or they were imagined ones that I was just forced to reconcile with internally. You know, I had. I had one when I went to Bali and came back after six months, I came back and I was broke and I had gone out there. I was building a business with a friend and it started to thrive. And then we had a falling out. And then I spent two weeks in Kuala Lumpur with my friend Alex, partying, and it was amazing. And then I came back to my hometown and licked my wounds. And to be honest, I spent about five years living in a house with my friend and her two girls in a small room, which was lovely. Like, the house was in a lovely neighborhood. I'm not trying to paint this, like, horrible picture here because it really wasn't that. Um, it was in sort of a middle upper class neighborhood, wonderful family, beautiful experience. But the reason, the reason why I'm sharing this is because it lasted about five years, I think it was. You know, and during that period, I was making money through coaching, and it would come and it would go, but I wasn't making a lot of money and I was making enough to live and to, you know, enjoy myself, more or less, give or take. And I was navigating and reconciling with all of these judgments and stories I had in my head. Oh, people are looking at me and thinking, my God, why is this guy living with this woman and her two girls? You know, there was all of this story in this narrative about what was happening and why it was wrong and why I should be doing something other than what I was doing at the time. That five years liberated me in ways that I am still benefiting from to this day. And my friend, bless him, said something that has stayed with me ever since he said, reno, you are essentially the equivalent of a sort of Buddhist monk in a monastery. He said, the only difference is the monastery is a room in your friend's house on the upper level, you know, but. But in essence, like the last five years you've. You've spent in. In inside doing the work and, you know, and, and giving up all of these sort of common external, material things in service to the opportunity to go deep in a really spiritual and emotional way. And I was like, wow. Yeah, it really was that. And that. That whole experience set me free, you know. And then. And then more recently, before I had been invited to work at the. The school, I was offered a contract with this erotic school. And prior to that, I had taken a sabbatical from coaching because I just. There was no professional libido. And I was like, I'm not going to force this. I'm not going to fake it. I'm just going to drop it. So I dropped it. Not knowing what was going to happen, what was going to come next. I went down this rabbit hole, right? I was like, oh, no, I don't know when it's coming, what's coming, but I just let it be there because there was no. There was no inspiration. There was no juice to go out and make anything happen. Well, about, you know, several months after that, I show up to a town hall, and I'm in that town hall, and I raise my hand and I share some things and ask a question. I'm asked to email them. I email them. Two meetings later, I'm offered a contract with an erotic school. Right? I could not have seen that coming. And I can't tell you how many times things like that have happened in my life where the money just shows up. I mean, Matt, you just talked about just. It just shows up. And so, to be really transparent, I resigned from the school about a month ago because it was no longer a fit. And I'm in a space right now where I am building and I'm creating and I'm returning to my work as a coach because I feel really excited about it again. And I'm, you know, it's. It's taking on new shape and new form and new energy, and so I'm very excited about that. And simultaneously, in the background, there's like, oh, I've got bills to pay. You know, I need to make money. I've. I've got debt as well. And I'm. I'm sharing all of this because.
• 46:16
  Speaker A: It.
• 46:17
  Speaker C: Doesn'T have to stop you. Like, I think sometimes people think that, and I thought this too at one point, that just because I'm in debt, like, because I'm in debt, that means I can't be creating, I can't be coaching, I'm not worthy, I shouldn't be seeing my friends. I shouldn't be going out and doing things I love. I can't create anything. I can't, you know, create the things that I love. You know, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that because I don't have money. And that's just not true. And I've seen it and experienced it for myself. You know, I, I've still coached and served clients powerfully. When I've had debt in the background, I've had zero dollars and you know, and created and built and grown something, you know, that was income generating with $0 and, and debt in my account, student loan debt and personal debt. Right. So it's, it's totally possible. And that changed everything for me, you know, this recognition that like I'm creating it all. I'm making up that I can't go outside, I'm making up that I can't build a business, that I can't ask for money, that I can't create what I want because I don't have money. And the last thing I'll say is, like, I remember there was this one summer I was, I, I was hopping back and forth between three yachts, sipping Don Perry on right. And it cost me $0 to do that. So like, people think, oh, money, money will like buy me experience, money will buy me security, money will buy me power, money will buy me freedom. Like none of those things in actuality are true, you know, and case in point, it's like, you know, when I had, like, sometimes when I had money, I was, I wasn't actually free, you know, I wasn't actually secure or powerful because I was like, oh no, well, what if it runs out? Then what? Then who am I? You know? And then as I mentioned, I was having these luxury experiences and I paid zero dollars for them, you know, so what does that tell you? What does that tell me? What it tells me? And how it, how it affected my money mindset is it basically just like destroyed it and you know, and then like re. Reinvented it completely. I was like, oh, everything I thought about money, it was bullshit. It was made up. And so I just made up a new story, right? Yeah.
• 48:56
  Speaker A: If it's all made up anyway, you might as well make up a story.
• 48:58
  Speaker C: That serves you, you know. Yeah. And then, and then in the same way that we reinforce every other story we make up, start looking for reinforcements of the new story, you know, that's all I did. I was like, oh, yeah, okay, right? Like, it can happen this way. It does happen this way. It can look like this. And there's proof, and there's proof, and there's proof, you know, game changer.
• 49:24
  Speaker A: I love that. So. So, Reno, you're back to coaching?
• 49:27
  Speaker C: Yeah, so I'm coaching again. I'm, you know, I'm coaching. I'm facilitating. I've got. I'm launching something in November on my birthday, which I'm excited about. I'm not going to say anything, but I'll let y' all know later. And. And I'm writing as well, so there's, like, a lot of stuff happening in the background right now. And to be. Again, to be transparent, like, I have enough money for, like, food. My rent is going to be late this month. This is me being really transparent, and it feels really edgy to say all of this, you know, but it's like I'm building again, and this is sometimes what it looks like. But that hasn't stopped me from, like, going all in on the things that I want and asking for what I want and, you know, enjoying my life. I still get up every day. I still love myself and take care of myself and do what I love and, you know, and move in the direction of what matters to me, you know, because. Because I can. Because why not?
• 50:29
  Speaker A: Love it.
• 50:30
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 50:30
  Speaker B: For you.
• 50:31
  Speaker A: So much passion. I love that.
• 50:32
  Speaker C: Thank you.
• 50:33
  Speaker A: So, viewers, listeners, if you like what Reno's saying, it just got reno.com. you can find Reno there. He is open for business. Little plug for you, Reno.
• 50:44
  Speaker B: And he'll even whip a wig around.
• 50:46
  Speaker C: Yeah, that's right. You know what? I just might.
• 50:51
  Speaker A: Okay, guys, our last question is. Is one that I. I think is a fun one. If you won $1,000,000, how would your life change, and how would it remain the same? I initially wanted to ask the common. Okay, what would you do with. With money? But I thought, let's. Let's make this a little bit more interesting and. And talk about how your life would change and how it wouldn't be. So I guess I'll. I'll start. Yeah, that's been the pattern. I will say if I woke up and there was an extra million dollars in my bank account, even though I just said money doesn't create happiness, I would be very happy, but it wouldn't be the money that made me happy. It'd Be the thought I was having like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do with all this money? That thought is what actually creates the habit as well. So how would my life change is I would definitely invest more in the things that matter to me. And as I've gotten older, I like to differentiate between spending and investing. And I'll kind of tell you how I differentiate that. I invest in assets that appreciate. And like the common one that people use is like real estate. You buy a house that a house appreciates over time more. Most often than not, it's something that depreciates would be something like a car. You buy the car and then over time it depreciates. So I like to invest in things that I think are appreciating assets. One of those assets is me. So I would invest in myself, my own coaching, mentoring, training. That also includes my health. So I think any, anything, any kind of money I spend on my health is an investment on me. I would invest in my businesses, Wellismo, Gaiman's Brotherhood. I would definitely put money in that all these things in my mind will appreciate over time. I would invest in my friends and family. That meaning I might just literally give them chunks of money because why not because I can, but also experiences with them. So one thing I would love to do is just pay for all my favorite people to go on, on a vacation somewhere on me, expenses paid. I think that'd be so fun. And you know what the funny thing is, as I was thinking about doing this, I was more excited about the look on their faces about telling them the news, not the actual trip. I just want to be the one like, like, hey guys, here's what I'm giving you. Just to see that look of surprise. And then another thing would be like organ organizations and causes that maybe I don't have a lot of experience with, you know, creating value in, but that really matter to me that I'm not necessarily an expert in. Not my zone of genius, but I would definitely help some of those organizations with doing the work that they are really good at doing. So yeah, I would definitely that that's how I see investments. I would also spend money on depreciating assets. Totally for sure. I'd buy a car, I'd get a new bike. I don't think I'd really change the way I look. I think I'm not, I'm not, I'm not really much a clothes fashion guy. So I don't think that would change very much. Probably still wear the same old 15 year old shirts I've been wearing for so long. Yeah. So that's how I would change. That's some things that would change how my life would stay the same would be. It's always going to be that, that there's always going to be good days and always going to be bad days. And I know that, I know that with money comes money problems because I worked in asset management for 13 years and some of the richest clients we had had the biggest problems because they had to deal with tax situations, they had to deal with people trying to rip them off, people trying to them people trying to come for their money getting sued. They had to deal with accountants and lawyers and all these things. And, and the problems are always there. So you're going to have problems with not having money and you're going have problems with having money. So that's how things wouldn't change. There's always going to be good days and there's always going to be bad days. And I know that. And something I found in Fortune magazine, this is interesting, I don't know if you guys heard this. So they did a study in March of this year and they found that happiness, people's happiness plateaus once they make 500,000. After 500,000, you're not any more happy.
• 55:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 55:00
  Speaker A: Which I thought is, I thought was interesting. So, yeah, that's, that's my answer. I'd invest in myself and the people I love and the businesses that I have and organizations. And then what wouldn't change would be I'd still have shit days and I'd still be mopey days and I'd still have my problems and that's how that would go. Although I guess, I guess I would say that when you have money, you have more solutions and access to solve those problems. Potentially.
• 55:29
  Speaker B: Interesting point about the $500,000 because I think money starts to lose value. And it's interesting, you look at some of these corporate elite people in this world and if money loses value, what's the next thing that you want? What does money give you? It gives you power and respect. So you know, when money loses value, you start going for power.
• 55:48
  Speaker A: Right.
• 55:48
  Speaker B: I think that's where some of these, you know, this really kind of egoic narcissistic energy comes from in these like, you know, higher, you know, richest people in the world kind of kind of crap. Yeah, it's really interesting. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know how much my life would change, to be honest. Like there's a Couple things that came up for me and one was that I wouldn't want to tell anybody because I have this thing that's like, I wouldn't want people to like, change how they feel about me. And I also wouldn't want people to think I'm bragging. Like, I always have this thing and it's like, you know, dim your light. I don't want people to be jealous of me or whatever. So I don't know. There's a part of me that's like, don't tell anybody. Then there's a part of me that's like, I would because I want to share and celebrate and. But I think the only thing that would change for me, to be completely honest is that I would hire almost like a manager or an assistant full time. Like, I'm tired, yo. I'm really tired. I'm running a full time business and I'm running a part time business. Michael and I are splitting. Right. So it's like, it's a lot, like I have a lot on my plate and I really, really just want someone to take on all the shit that I don't want to do. I want to create, I want to engage and I want to. Yeah, write. I want to write my book. I've had a book idea for the last year and a half for my, my second book, and I have no time or energy to write because I'm just kind of right. So I know that's going to come eventually. That'll come. But that would accelerate the process of being able to hire somebody. Yeah, I'll leave it there. My life wouldn't change a ton.
• 57:29
  Speaker A: I'm gonna, I'm gonna also. I would hire someone as well.
• 57:32
  Speaker B: Yeah. I would take three months off of, of working with clients actually, and I would just reset my system and I would go and just live somewhere warm and just every day get up and like write and write my book in that three months and get all my ideas out and. Because I think I have a backlog of, of content inside of me that needs to be pumped out, but I just have had zero energy to, to share it. So.
• 57:58
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 58:00
  Speaker B: What about you, Reno? Yeah.
• 58:02
  Speaker C: Wait, what would that book be about?
• 58:04
  Speaker B: As I already know the title and everything, it's going to be called the pursuit of worthiness and it's going to, it's going to be healing the I'm not good enough wound that pretty much every human being has. It's going to be all about that. So trauma healing, shame healing, codependency healing, like all the things that contribute to the I'm not good enough wound. I really want to write a book that can help people through that wound.
• 58:27
  Speaker C: I can't wait to pre order.
• 58:28
  Speaker A: Can I get on?
• 58:29
  Speaker C: Totally, yeah. 100. If there's anyone who could talk about that, it's you.
• 58:34
  Speaker B: So, yeah, thank you.
• 58:36
  Speaker C: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. This question was so fun. So. And I had left some things out that I thought of as you were sharing. So thanks for. Thanks for the prompt. So I'd probably be pretty low profile as well, to be honest, like, because I just wouldn't want a whole lot to change. Like, I would just, you know, but. But people might notice something because I'd maybe, like, be getting dinner more than I normally did or something like that. Here and there. They'd be like, oh, thanks. You know, that's cool. But so what I. What I had written down as an answer, this was really fun. So I said, I. I call up my friend back home and ask him to help me put it to work so I could have. And use more of it for. For the goods, services, and giving that I value, because he's really good at that. And I just, I acknowledge, like, I'm good at, you know, getting money, ask him for it. But as far as, like, holding on to it and putting it in different places, I'd hire someone to do that in a heartbeat. I'd hire a coach and an assistant. Thanks, Matt. I. I didn't think of an assistant, but I thought of a coach, because coaches, man, you want to, like. You want to, like, flip, you know, yourself essentially, and everything that comes with being you, like, hire a coach, you know, it's. Yeah. So I would. I would absolutely invest in a coach and an assistant. I donate $5,000. One thousand per cause, so five causes. A thousand dollars per cause. I'd spend probably about $5,000 on some new threads because I just, like. It would be fun to go shopping, and then I'd spend a small chunk to celebrate with my friends and family. And then I just carry on living and enjoying my life in a way similar to the way I do now. You know, like, I'd still go for hikes and walks and, you know, just basically just do everything I've been doing more or less. But. But yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an interesting one because, you know, it's like I already do nearly everything that I enjoy and would do if I had more money. It's like, nature's free, friends are free, learning is free, and you can also invest in it. You know, playing is free. So, you know. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker A: The best things in life are free. That's.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker C: Well, that's it, right? That's it. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker A: I think it says a lot that. To answer that question, if you really look at it and, you know, your life wouldn't change that much. I think it says that you're already living in a pretty good alignment and in integrity with the things that matter to you, which is a good thing.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker C: Yeah. Like, listen, the. You know, like, I think. What is it a Jeep Cherokee? Is that. Is that what they're. No, no, sorry. A Bronco. A Bronco. Like, I would love a Bronco. And I would love, like, a Harley. And I would, you know, I don't know. Like, there's little thing, you know, maybe I'd buy a surfboard or something like that and, like, it. There's just. It's like. But it's like, you know, that stuff's great. I'm not. Like, I would totally enjoy it, but, like, without it, I'm good too, you know, it's just. It's all just icing on an already delicious and delightful cake. Right. And. And the beauty is I know what it's like to have none of that. So if someone. And. And I'm good in myself. So if someone came along and took it all away from me, like, I'm like, okay, cool. Like, I was there already, you know? Yeah. And I'm saying that as a single. A single independent. Right. I know it's different if you have kids and you're partnered and stuff. So of course I'm. I'm acknowledging that. Yeah. Love it.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker A: So I want to hear from our viewers and listeners, too, if you guys like that question. If you won $1,000,000, how would your life change? How to remain the same? So feel free to put your own answers in the. If you're watching us on YouTube, you can put in the comments. We'd love to read that. Also, join us in the Gaiman's Brotherhood Facebook group, where we'll be talking about the theme this month was living your purpose, which includes money on the last Thursday of the month. Anything else you guys want to add before I wrap up? No. All right, Reno.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker C: Just, like, have fun. Just have fun. You know, like, just let money be fun. You know, let money be fun. Be open to. Be open to asking for it and not having to give something in return. Be open to abundance. Showing up in unexpected and miraculous ways and moments. Be. Be open to. This is the last thing I'll say. Sorry, it's Just this topic is so juicy. There's like this verse in scripture, and it's like, to those who have, more will be given, and to those who have not, all will be taken. And what I discovered about that phrase is it has more to do with one state of being. So if you are moving through the world as if you have not and abundance isn't already given, then. Then it's just going to continue to, like, evade you, so to speak. But I think if. If as we begin to wake up and look at our lives and go, oh, my gosh, like these blankets, you know, this pillow, this, like, roof over my head, like nature, the sun is peeking through my window, you know, and not like, oh, fuck, like, you know, I don't have enough. I need more. It's like, well, you know, have fun with that. It sucks, right? So, you know, why not have fun with money and kind of start to look at what you do have already? Promise you more of it's going to start coming in like that.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker A: Yeah, that's the abundance mindset. Speaking of money mindset. Right. So abundance doesn't just mean dollars and cents. Abundance comes in so many ways. You got to get creative with it. Like Reno just said. No, there's all kinds of ways you can. You can find abundance in your life. You just have to look for for it. Right? All right, guys. Well, thank you, Reno and Matt, for your wisdom, as always. It's always a pleasure sharing the space with you for our viewers and listeners. If you're listening on a podcast provider, please go ahead and give us five stars. If you enjoyed the show. If you didn't, don't say anything at all. As I said, if you're watching on YouTube, please share your comments on. On what we've talked about here. We'd love reading them. And we'll see you guys next week. Thank you for joining us. Bye Bye.