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EP 44: The Midweek Reset: Stop Fighting Reality · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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  Have you ever noticed that some of the biggest stress in our lives doesn't
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  come from our circumstances? It comes from fighting our circumstances.
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  We think, I should be more productive, my kids should
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  be acting differently, I should be able to do
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  more, and this season shouldn't be this hard.
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  But what if the problem isn't that we don't know how to
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  set boundaries What if it's because we're trying
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  to build boundaries around the life we wish we had
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  instead of the life that we're actually living?
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  If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much,
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  and wondering why peace still feels so hard to hold onto,
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  you're in the right place. Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people
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  pleaser, and your boundaries coach. Here we talk about how
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  to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries, and get clear
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  on what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels
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  lighter, calmer, and more satisfying.
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  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath,
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  and get into this next episode.
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  Hey friends, welcome back to Healthy Boundaries for Moms. I am your host,
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  Lori Grimes, and And this is your midweek reset.
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  So guys, earlier this week we talked about self-care being a
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  foundational boundary and how taking care
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  of ourselves is not selfish. It is actually protecting
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  our capacity to love and to serve the people that
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  God has entrusted to us, like our kids, our spouse,
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  our friends. So today I want to take that conversation one step further.
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  So I've realized that one of the greatest gifts we
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  can give ourselves is accepting reality,
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  not because we've given up hope on what it is that we want,
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  but because I believe acceptance gives us a special
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  type of clarity, and the clarity will
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  in turn help us create better boundaries
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  that actually work. So healthy
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  boundaries, they are not built on the life we
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  wish we had. They're based on the life that
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  we are actually living in real time.
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  I think many of us are spending so much energy
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  just arguing with reality. Have you ever done that? Like,
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  you wish things were different and you're arguing that They
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  should be different. And I get that. We wish
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  our schedule looked different. Some of us are thinking,
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  man, our kids should be in a different stage
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  by now. They should be more mature or,
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  you know, better organized. We wish our marriage felt a
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  little easier and that we weren't hitting some of the same road bumps that
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  we have all along. And we wish we had more energy
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  or more time or that we were just a more patient person.
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  But when we keep measuring our lives against what
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  we wish were true, we just
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  end up like frustrated and angry
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  and discouraged. Acceptance isn't giving up,
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  guys. It isn't even lowering the standards
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  or these goals that you have. And it isn't stopping your prayers
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  for God to move. So what is it?
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  Well, acceptance is just saying, this is where I
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  am today. It doesn't mean that I'll never get to where I'm going.
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  I'm improving. This is just where I am today. And once we
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  know where we are fully, we can make
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  wise decisions from there. So Proverbs 27:23
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  says, Be sure you know the condition of your flocks. Give careful
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  attention to your herds. Before a shepherd
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  could care for his flock, he had to know its
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  actual condition. So the same is true for us. We have to know the condition
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  of our lives. We're responsible for that.
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  That's something God has been teaching me this summer. And I kept wanting
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  my school year routine to be what
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  my summer routine looked like. And I wanted to still get the hour in the
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  gym and the 20,000 steps every day. And I wanted to get into this
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  calorie deficit, but that wasn't my reality. My kids
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  were home, my schedule's different, we're out making
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  memories, we're going to movies and the mall and the beach. Once I
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  accepted that, I stopped feeling like I was constantly behind.
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  30 minutes at the gym was fine now, and 15,000
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  steps became enough, and I was satisfied. Maintenance calories
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  became a wiser choice for me this season instead of just constantly
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  feeling like I was failing because I hadn't hit that deficit.
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  Those weren't lower standards, they were just realistic boundaries.
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  And the same thing happens with food, guys. So like,
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  me and my family were gonna go eat Mexican, and I love some
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  good fajitas. And part of me was like, let me
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  just order, I don't know, a salad. But you know, let's be real, I'm gonna
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  get the fajitas. So I just
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  planned for that. I just planned that we're eating a little bit later, I can
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  skip lunch and just have a good dinner. And that let me enjoy the fajitas
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  and enjoy it with my family and make room for them in my day.
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  That's a realistic boundary. And the same thing is true
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  in our relationships. Maybe one of your kids needs more reminders
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  than their sibling, or maybe your husband just communicates
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  a little differently than you. Instead of constantly wishing your kids
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  are different and that your husband was different. We can meet them
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  where they are while still holding those healthy expectations
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  and healthy boundaries. So research on
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  psychological flexibility, which I didn't know that was the term there,
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  but it shows that people who are able to accept
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  difficult realities instead of constantly resisting
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  them tend to experience lower stress and greater emotional
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  well-being. I think that's because Fighting reality
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  is exhausting. Have you ever just been in your body when
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  you're going through that unrealistic expectation? Your mind's
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  just going a mile a minute. But when we accept the season we're in,
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  we stopped reacting to life and we start
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  planning for it. So we become proactive
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  instead of reactive. So here's your midweek reset, guys.
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  Ask yourself this question: Where am I still fighting reality?
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  I mean, we are midweek. Some of this stuff has already popped up.
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  Maybe it's your schedule, maybe it's your health, your finances
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  are showing up again, maybe it's your parenting, or maybe it's
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  just the season that you're in. So I want you to ask, what boundary
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  would become easier if I could just accept where
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  I am today instead of fighting it? So friend,
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  acceptance is isn't quitting. It is not
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  settling. And it's definitely not giving up on what
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  God can do. Acceptance just simply says, Lord,
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  this is where I am today. Help me be faithful
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  here. Because when we stop fighting reality, we can
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  gain the clarity that we need. And clarity will help us to
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  build those boundaries, bring more peace,
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  less stress, and and more faithfulness in the
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  season that God has us in. Hey friend,
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  I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If so,
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  would you take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook page at
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  Healthy Boundaries for Moms? That's where we go deeper,
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  share what's actually working, and support each other in real life.
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  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you along this
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  journey. I have also included a link to sign up for our brand
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  new weekly newsletter in the Facebook group. Don't forget to
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  hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple. It really lets
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  me know that this podcast is helping you. More importantly, it helps more
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  women find this podcast. Now go say no to something that's stealing
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  your peace and say yes to something you actually need.
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  And I'll meet you back here in the next episode.