Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 308. Losing Everything & Finding Herself Again: Megan Janulis on Widowhood, Grief & Starting Again

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308. Losing Everything & Finding Herself Again: Megan Janulis on Widowhood, Grief & Starting Again · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: And I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self. Hello and welcome
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: back to another episode of She Rises. We have another incredible,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: beautiful guest today. Now, this guest that we have today
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: has been through all walks of life, has been through
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: ups and downs, and she has survived and is coming
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: out on the other side of some big grief and
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: finding new direction in her life, which has been probably
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: one of the most beautiful things that Ashley and I
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: have been able to witness over the last couple of years.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: So welcome, Megan.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you, guys.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. as we discussed,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: I've already had a couple of tears and we haven't
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: even really started, have we?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're so honored that you're here.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: We've been so lucky to be able to walk alongside
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: you through what you've gone through. And we're just really
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: grateful that you are open to being here today and
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: share your journey and share grief because it's an uncomfortable,
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: sad topic that most people avoid.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: And we really want.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: To talk about it today to help other people not
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: feel so alone and to share what's helped you along
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: the way and where you were three years ago to
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: where you are now and all the in-betweens.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. So for anyone who doesn't know you, Megan, can
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: you give us a little in a nutshell of just
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: who you are and what you've been through and the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: journey that you've been on in the last couple of years?
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So country girl, no one special. I'm just out
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: there raising my children. I have two adult children, 28, 26.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: I'm currently widowed, but married for 30 years with my partner, Pete.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: We worked, lived on side by side, been in business
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: for over 15 years. We just were adulting, going through
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: the motions, find your human, get married, have kids, do
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: the job, buy the houses, go through the motions, right?
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: Not knowing what you're supposed to be doing or not
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: knowing how it looks, but just winging it like all
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: of us. Yeah, 2023, Pete and I were sort of
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: starting to shift into, I suppose, like an early retirement
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: sort of mode. You know, we've got adult children. My
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: son was operating a division, a commercial cleaning division that
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: we own in Roma, Western Queensland. And my daughter had
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: moved back to Toowoomba. She has property there. So she
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: has friends and family there that she wants to spend
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: time with. So she was willing to want to start
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: her own side of the business. So Pete and I
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: were like, great, this is our chance to help Tashi
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: on one side. We'll help Blaine on the other side.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: We'll just sort of mingle in between and we can
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: sort of start to wind down thinking, you know, We
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: might be on the other side of like figuring this out.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: You know, we get time to ourselves. We regroup. We
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: start learning about each other again and life gets in
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: the road sometimes of your relationship and our relationship by
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: no means was picture perfect. We were figuring it out
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: and the last few years we really were on track
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: and thinking this is this.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: This is us.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: We're figuring stuff out for ourselves now. And Pete started
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: to get sick and we just put it down to, oh,
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: we work so much.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: We don't take time off. we're old.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: We don't look after ourselves. You just keep palming it,
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: palming it, palming it. He had had a melanoma cut
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: off his back in April of 2023, had the surgery,
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: had his lymph nodes checked, all clear, just skin checks.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: And we were like, wow, high five. Gee, that's lucky
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: for us. Let's get on with the job. And I
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: guess that's where our shift sort of changed with like,
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: you know, let's think differently about where we're heading in life.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: So we moved to Toowoomba and we're starting to look
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: at that wind down phase for us. I think September,
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Pete started to get a lot worse. He was very tired, lethargic,
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: always feeling unwell. We went to the doctors. He felt
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: like he was actually having a heart attack one day.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: We took him to emergency and then they started doing
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: the checks, you know, and have you had any recent surgeries?
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, yep, had that melanoma. And
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: they were like, you could see straight away, it was like, hmm,
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: let's investigate that a bit more. Bottom line, he had
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: metastatic melanoma and had metastasized into his whole body. So
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: it was in his liver, lungs, stomach lining, heart cavity, bone, femur,
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: tops of his femurs, lower spine. He lit up like
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: a Christmas tree. I got the phone call. He'd come
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: out of the MRI. The doctor wants to speak to you.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: So at that point it was like, this is what
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: it is, these are your options. And so from that
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: point on it was kind of like, A really weird
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: world that we went into because all the outside noise
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: just stopped. Like you're not worried about anything.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Nothing.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: It was like, okay, what's the plan?
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Pete, as an individual, was such an incredibly strong person.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Even from the point of diagnosis, he just said, what
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: do we do? You know, watching the deterioration, his first treatment,
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: so we went with immunotherapy treatment and knowing what we
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: know now, and hindsight's a beautiful thing, right? Everyone wants
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: to survive. That's just innate. You just go, yep, treatment.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: If this is an opportunity for us to save this life,
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: we're going to do it. Yeah, so he went with
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: immunotherapy treatment. So his first treatment was the 24th of October, 2023.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: He passed on December 26, 2023. So it was literally
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: like eight weeks, and that eight weeks was hell. I've
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: never seen a human endure what he had to endure.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: You can't describe it. Two weeks before he passed away,
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: he had a heart attack.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And he was sent to Brisbane. He was treated as
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: a heart patient. By this stage, he was on the
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: most ridiculous amount of drugs. It was just a wild ride.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: He ended up with a blood infection. He had colitis
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: of the bowel. He had all the skin irritations, pretty
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: much any side effect you could get from immunotherapy.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he got.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Oh. And, you know, the whole time he just soldiered on,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: I never heard him complain.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: He was always about us and the kids, like just
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: me and the kids.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: He's a good man. This is what you've got to do.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Here we are in the hospital and I've got my
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: laptop and as far as the business side of things goes,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Pete did all the financials, all the admin.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: He loved it. He was great at it.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: That was his role. I was more with the staff,
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: do the staff training, on the ground, the work. Even
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: though he did that as well, we worked very hard together, but,
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: you know, we did have our individual roles. You know,
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Pete's like, get your laptop, come up here, I've got
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: to show you how to use Xero. Here I am
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: with my terminally ill husband teaching me how to use Xero.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: And his outlook on life was like, I hope I
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: lead you in the right direction. He said, because I'm
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: so pepped up on so many wild drugs, I don't
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: know if my brain will.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Be able to process it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: So it's like, oh. But, you know, he just kept going.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: I suppose you don't know what you don't know, right?
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: We didn't know what we were up against.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Never been through that before.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know what happens when you're a cancer patient.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know how this unfolds. And we're at the hospital.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: It's only probably a couple of weeks in. And a
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: lady come in and she introduced herself. She said she
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: was head of palliative care. And I instantly was like,
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: is he dying? Like my brain just went to, is
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: he dying? I've associated palliative care with this is it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: You're done. And I must have had that look of like,
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: and she said, I can tell by your look, she said.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: And even Pete was sort of shocked. He's like, this
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: is news to me. I didn't know I was going
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: into palliative care. But the process is palliative care, yes,
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: they do provide end-of-life support, but they also pain management.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: And they have.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: Access to the drugs that help and assist with managing
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: the quality of life whilst going through the process.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: So I didn't know that. I didn't know that either
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: until you told me that.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: So palliative care, I was like. We're literally two weeks
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: into the treatment here and now we've got.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, my Lord. Sorry.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: That would have been so overwhelming to hear that and
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: feel like a bit blindsided by what do you mean?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: It's like, is this where we go to hospice now
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: and this is it? We've got to say goodbye. I've
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: got to gather the troops.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: What's happening?
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: But as soon as she explained that, she said it
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: comes across as a shock as soon as you see that.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: But this is the thing that, and I guess. we're
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: not researching this as everyday individuals, are we? Let's just
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: look up what cancer is and make sure that if
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: we ever have to do this, we know what we're
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: up against.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Let's prepare for that.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: We're not doing that. We're not even talking about the
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: death of a loved one or the passing or what
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: that looks like after the fact because as humans, we're living.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: So once we got sort of the breakdown and it
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: was a public health system, we did it through trauma
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: credit to them. I'm so blessed that we live in
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: a country where these services are provided and at the
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: level that they are. because we can't complain about the
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: care that both Pete and I received. It's a challenging
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: process and you're literally learning on the fly. You can't
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: think about anything else but looking at this person and going, okay,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: what do we do today? What do we do now
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: to get through the next day? We made a decision
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: to bring Pete home and care for him for his
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: end-of-life care. That in itself is the most wild ride
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: I think any human can experience. I naively went into
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: it with the theory of, like, I don't care what
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: it takes. This is my job now.
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: Like, I think as a human, there's a really beautiful
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: thing that we take for granted when it comes to
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: losing a loved one. There's a real privilege around till
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: death do us part. You know, we don't think about
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: it when we're in love and we're hooking up with
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: this human and we're setting out, we're living life. When
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: you get put in the point where this is it now,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: I've got to say goodbye to you. There's a real
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: gratitude to be that person that gets to share his
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: end of life. That was my job at that point
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: and I took that role on as though I'll do
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: whatever it takes.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: We had a.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Conversation around him coming home and he looked at me
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: and he said, Meg, so I'm really worried for you
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: and the kids, he said, because I'm not going to
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: wake up. And he said, you're going to have to
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: deal with that.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: And I was like, it's okay.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: This is my job now. You know, the blessing is
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: I don't have small children, but my adult children, all
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: three of us together, we got Pete home and we
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: went through the process with him and looked after him.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: We got him home for Christmas, which was lovely. Yeah,
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: and we got to go through this wild ride of,
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: you know, the process is they will teach you how
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: to administer the drugs. And I'm talking drugs that nurses
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: and doctors would spend years and years doing.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Practising, learning how to do, yeah.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: I get a five-minute tutorial with a nurse who shows
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: me how to draw all the medication. They give me
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: a list. They give me all the signs and things
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: to look for, so there's going to be certain processes
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: when the body starts to shut down as to what
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: things you need to look for, that this drug will
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: do this, four hours between this one, this one does this.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: It's overwhelming.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: This one does this. You're going to experience these sorts
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: of things like death rattles. Because he had a blood clot,
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: there could be a lot of, you know, so I'm literally...
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: You know, this is our process. No one prepares you
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: for this sort of stuff. But at the time, I
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: just took it as my responsibility. This is my human.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: This is part of what we do. You're born, you live,
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: you pass. And what a blessing to have been with
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: my human at his passing because it's a normal, natural,
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: none of us are getting out of this life.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Very true.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: You know, Pete and I, the way we sort of
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: bantered together, I remember after the nurse said, now you're
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: good yet? I've got this little cardboard box of all
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: the things. And I looked at Pete and he goes,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: are you good? And I said, I'm basically a doctor.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: I've literally had five hours of training, basically a doctor.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: You're fine, babes. And through all that, that was just,
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: I guess, how we coped. We had to make light
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: of the situation. I'm looking at a man who has
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: run our life, has protected us. Pete lived for us
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: and for me. Like, He just wanted to be there
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: for his family. He was the fixer. He was the, hey, Dad,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: this is broken. Hey, Dad, how do we do this? Hey, Dad,
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I'm looking at a new car.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Pete was on it. Naively, I look back and I
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: took it for granted. I took it for granted that
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: my human, he was there all the time. And just
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: to look at how strong he was as an individual
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: and still would just joke towards the end of just like,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: you should have done this as a.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Job, Megs.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: And I'm like.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Not for me. Thank you. It was tough and, you know,
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: even through everything, this is a man who'd lost all
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: his dignity, lost all his masculinity, lost his ability to
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: be able to fend for himself. He's literally surrendered to
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: me and trusted that I'm going to hold him in
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: this space and get him through whatever needs to be
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: gotten through. And then, yeah, he was right. One day
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: he didn't wake up. Yeah, that was a tough night.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: And whilst Pete lost his life, he's the one that's
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: at loss here. The impact that it had on me
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: after Mars, I don't think I ever really, I don't
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: think I really quantified what it would do to me
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: because my overwhelmed little nervous system was already at capacity
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: and I didn't realise that I was operating from a,
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: An old downloaded program that just went into you've just
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: got to work now. Pete's not here. You've got a
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: business to run. You've got to continue to look after
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: your kids. You've got people that rely on you. You've
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: got staff. Bills keep coming in. There's things to be organized.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Even the day Pete passed, the night Pete passed, I
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: just remember going into the kids and thinking we'd just
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: gone through one of the most horrific things in my
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: life and I just can't describe it. how terrible it was.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: And I just went to the kids and said, Dad's passed.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: And I said, but I need your help. I don't
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: want Pete to leave this house because he was such
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: a proud man. He looked after himself so well. He
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: was always so well looked after, just so well dressed
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: when he left the house. His hygiene and just how
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: he presented himself to the world was always like A1.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: It was something that I loved about him. And I
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: just remember seeing him there and thought, You know, we'd
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: had such a horrific run. There was so much that
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: went on. He was covered in vomit. I was covered
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: in vomit. There was so much that happened. And I
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: just said to the kids, we need to get Dad
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: sorted because I don't want him to leave the house
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: like this.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: And here are my adult kids. Yeah. We're tending to
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: their father.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Guys being a team, getting through that together. Yeah.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: It's a wild ride. And, you know, you think, God,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: how is this our life?
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: What is happening?
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Yep. But then you flip side, you go, how fucking
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: grateful are we that this is our human and we
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: get to do this for him. His last little bit
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: of dignity he had would be to at least leave
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: this home. Look the way that we want him to look,
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: the way he wanted to look. He'd lost everything, you know, so, yeah.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: And then the flip side comes and you go, okay,
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: now what happens? Next day you're ringing to have the
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: undertaker come and you're organizing funerals.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: And, Happens so quickly, all that stuff, doesn't it?
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: You know, still got to pay the bills. I'm still
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: running a business.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I'm still.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: Still a parent.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I'm still a parent, you know.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: The day Pete passed away and it was Boxing Day.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: And I remember just, I guess you're in shock. You know,
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: all my family, we were at the house and Undertaker
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: had come and Dad had gone and we sort of go, okay,
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: now what? You know, and I looked at Tashi and
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: she just said, I don't know what I want to do.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: She said, part of me just wants to go to
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Grand Central and go shopping. And I said, you know what?
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: You do that, babes. You do that. You go shopping.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Because you know what? If dad was here, we would
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: have been shopping. And she said it was the most
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: surreal feeling you know when you have that conversation but
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: you never know what someone's going through yeah she said
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: i remember going in there everyone's like hey going how's
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: it christmas do you have a good day and she
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: said i was just staring there in my head i
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: was just like my dad died you know she said
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: it was the most out of body inner body experience
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: like you're humaning yeah this is what's happening does the
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: world stop yeah not really.
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: Exactly why you should always be kind we talk about
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: this all the time because you literally don't know what
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: that person walking past you is going through and how
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: your hello or your smile or your anything could impact
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: them in a negative or positive way.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: That's right. Like Tash said, she said, in my head,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: all I could think about, that's what I did this morning.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Say goodbye to my dad.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I said goodbye to my dad who passed away, who
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: I helped my brother and my mum bathe, clothe and
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: prepare to leave the home.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: My deceased father, that's what I did this morning. You
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: see the world from such an odd perspective because people
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: are just, we're living our lives.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: It's like time stops for you but not for anyone else.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: You're just caught in this.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: It's a hard thing about grief, isn't it? You feel
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: like everyone just moves on with their life. What am
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: I meant to do right now?
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: How are you going?
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: People go, how are you going? How am I going?
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: How do you want me to answer that?
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: It was funny. It was six days after my driver's
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: license expired, six days after Pete's funeral. I'm still in go, mate.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I've got to go and I've got
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: to renew that. While I'm there, I'll take in Pete's,
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: I'll cancel his driver's license, whatever, whatever. So I go in,
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: I speak to the lady and she says, how are
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: you going? I said, oh, good, thank you. I said,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I'd just like to do some rego transfers. And I said,
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: I need to renew my license and I'd like to
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: cancel my husband's. And she goes, oh, can I ask
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: why is that? And I said, he passed away.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And she said, how long ago?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: And I said, eight days ago. And she goes, love,
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: why are you here? And I just said, oh, I...
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: I have to renew my license. I'm sorry. I have
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: to renew my license. And she goes, sweetie, you don't
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: need to be doing this right now. And I said,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: it's okay. But what had happened, and we laugh about
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: this hysterically, is whilst she's talking to me and, you know,
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: can I ask how did your husband pass? And I
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: think therapeutically I like talking about it because this is
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: a way of me, I suppose, remembering him. And I
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: know we're talking about possibly the negative stuff around You
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: know him, but it still was me being able to
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: still keep him in my space.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: And talk about him.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: And in amongst all this of the conversation, and I'm
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: in tears, she's taken my driver's license photo, and I
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: now have to have this.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's like a bad passport photo.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: You're like, why? My daughter just goes, oh, mum, that's
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: going to be a hard look to pull off in
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: five years.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: I know. It'd be kind of like hold up and go, oh, sorry.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Is that okay?
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: It wasn't my best day, okay?
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: But it just was the reality of you humaning is,
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: you know, you've got to keep going. The world does
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: not stop and I think it puts into perspective humanity
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: When we look at our lives in the big picture
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: and maybe sometimes the things that we're upset about or
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: maybe sometimes the things that wear us down or that
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: we stress about or we're worried about, at the end
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: of the day, you know I'm so privileged I have
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: a perspective now that probably shoots all the shit out
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: the window of what I used to stress about or
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: fight about or argue about because what I experienced on
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: that day or what I experienced through those two months
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: with Pete was just why do we care yeah We
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: all have the same opportunities. We're all living in the
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: same space. Things just look different for some of us.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: But why do we care about some of the things
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: that we care about? Because there are so much more
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: important things. I'd do anything to have that human back
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: in my space, but I'm also realistic to know that
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: we do all pass at some point. And for us,
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: this was Pete's time. But should I have probably had
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: more gratitude when we were together? Should I have probably
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: appreciated some of the moments that we had and maybe
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: not been in my own head Maybe I should have
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: dealt with my own shit sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: argued as much.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: But I only have that as hindsight now. Yeah, of course.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: It's been a wild ride.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: It has been.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: Throughout this whole process that you've gone through since he's passed,
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: what would you say has been the hardest thing for
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: you and what do you think has been the most
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: beautiful thing for you throughout this process?
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: I think. The hardest thing is you don't know that
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: you're surviving. Naively, I did not consider how connected I
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: was to Pete.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: Energetically. Yes.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So plugged in.
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: Because we were always together. We lived together. We worked together.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: And when we weren't together, it was just a message
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: away or a phone call away. Even at night when
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: you sleep, You don't have that human there. And sometimes
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: you're like, God, if I could just get my space,
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: you know, when you're with them. But you have no
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: other option but to just sit with your own thoughts, feelings,
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: and that numbness, that emptiness. It's something that I just
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: can't describe. And I did not know I was there
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: until I met you, Ashi. That first meeting of meeting you,
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: my body was looking for something to feel.
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I've been watching this girl online for
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: so long. She does these day retreats. Let's go message
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: my girlfriend. Hey, you want to do this? And she's like, sure.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: You know, that was literally, I think when I met you,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: it was like in February, it was four weeks after
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: Peter passed.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Only four weeks. Gosh. Four weeks.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: And I remember my life just felt like I just
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: worked and worked and worked and worked and worked until
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I couldn't. And that was when I fell into bed
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: and then I'd scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: and scroll on my phone. until I fell asleep because
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: my brain just would not shut off. And I'd just
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: It's how you were coping and surviving.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: And people would just go, wow, she's doing so well. Yeah.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I can't believe she's got it all together. And it's
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: like inside I'm screaming and I didn't know. I think
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I messaged you and just said, hey, this is how
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling. I just threw it out there because I
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: kind of was protected and always, you know, oh, I'm
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: not going to do that.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's embarrassing.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: Don't bother those people. You know, you don't do that.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: You know, you're not that person. And then I was
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: just like, I think I felt so numb. I was like,
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: what does it matter?
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Why do I care? Why do I care?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: She doesn't message me back.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: So what?
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: I don't go to it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So what? I do go to it.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Girl was on it instant and just said, I'm so
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: sorry that you have gone through this. And this is
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: absolutely a space for you. She said, this is the
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: perfect space for you. And she said, you will be held.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: In my head, I was just like, Ashley obviously has admin.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: She's got a PA. Surely she's got like a plethora
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: of humans out there. I had no idea. When we
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: met you on the beach and we introduced ourselves and
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: we were going through the line, my best friend, my girlfriend,
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: was behind me. I have amazing support, by the way.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: She was behind me.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Introduced.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: She said, hey, I'm Ashley. I said, hey, I'm Megan Janulus.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: And I just remember Ashley looking at me going, I
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: am so sorry.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I think we hugged for about 20 minutes.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: You just said.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Sorry, you have to go through this. She said, I've
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: got you.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: That instant was just like, is this human special? Like
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: what energy does this human hold that I just feel
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: so held right now? It's just incredible. And I think,
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: you know, you then met my girlfriend and we sat
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: down on the beach, we're getting ready. And my girlfriend
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: looks at me and she goes, not two minutes and
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: you're in tears. And I'm like, I know. And she goes,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: it's wild, right? And I said, I know. And she goes,
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: we knew this was going to happen. I was like, yeah,
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: it's probably going to be like this for the whole time.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: And yeah, you know, so I think it was from
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: that moment on. And when I left that first day
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: and I just remember thinking, I felt something in my
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: body that I hadn't felt in that first month. And
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I knew I was deep in the shit at that point.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to admit it because my operating system said,
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: You just suck it up and you get on. Get
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: on with the job. You know, this is what you've
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: got to do. And then as things transpired and you
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: beautiful women connected and started doing Galentine's.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Galentine's and Masquerade.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Masquerade.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: Bali.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you know.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: And in my heart of hearts, I was just like,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I was smart enough to know that there was something
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: in that energy that was outside of my normal support group.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: I have an incredible support group, an incredible family. My
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: children are amazing. My best friend. her husband, her children
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: have held me through all my shit and held me
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: so well. But there's also that point where in my
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: head I was kind of like, I don't want to
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: keep offloading. These people have also lost the same person.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: And we're all going through the thick of it here.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be that human that's crying all
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: the time. Oh, my God, you know, I've lost my husband.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: I can't deal with it. I was like almost protecting myself.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: myself from them in a way where I like they
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: don't see me like this they see me as strong
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: they see me as yeah she just gets up and
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: gets going she's always working she's that girl and I
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: guess again my default nervous system was just like got
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: to get on with the job girl coming to you
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: guys was a space where you didn't know me But
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: I could just dump it. You could crumble.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: We could hold you.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: And I went to places, you know, in those first
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: few day sessions where I was like, wow, it really
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: made me think about me as an individual, where I
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: was heading, why I was doing the things I was doing.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: Why was I literally killing myself, working myself to death?
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: I was hospitalized twice for low hemoglobin with no real
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: medical reason why. But that was my body just going, girl. Yeah. Stop.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: You're not sleeping. You're not eating. You're powering through. You're
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: doing ridiculous hours and you're going.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I'm fine.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: My body's going, you're not. And then when you did
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: the retreat and we start talking about we're doing meditations
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: and it'll be like a whole different things and it's
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: just going to be time away and reset your nervous
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: system and good food. And I'm thinking, hell yeah, I
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: need a holiday. I'm going for a girl's week. I'm
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: putting myself out there because at this point I'm still numb.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: I'm still not really feeling anything. So the fear of like, oh,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go by myself. What if people don't
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: like me? You know, I don't know that I really
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: had that because I was like, what does it matter?
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: Someone doesn't like me.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Why do I care?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: You've been through so much. It's like.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: I'm such a hot mess. You can't bring anything to
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: me right now that is going to burn me any
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: more than I burn myself. Yeah. The first retreat at Byron. Wow.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Kudos to you girls. you can't really describe it until
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: you experience it. But what people don't see is that
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: these spaces come from a very, very specific curated idea
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: of what a human nervous system needs and what as
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: women we need and carry. We talk about it all
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: the time. Feel yourself right. Exercise, you know, nervous system work,
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: taking time for yourself. You provide spaces in a way
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: where all us little to capacity, little energies come just
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: not being able to hold anything else. You give that
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: to us. This is the minute we walk in the door.
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Now we haven't been through what you've been through or
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: what the girl next to us has been through, but
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: we've all been through our hardships and we're not meant
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: to do life alone. We're not meant to grieve by ourselves,
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: not meant to do anything by ourselves meant to be
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: a community a tribe togetherness to be able to get
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: through the highs the lows and all the in-betweens and
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: a lot of people don't have that so bringing it
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: together at a treat it's so special because I feel
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: like we are bringing women in who don't have all
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: of that and they get to experience what it's like
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: to truly be held and cared for so what what
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: does the future look like for you where do you
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: want to be where do you.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Want to go the biggest eye-opener is that women in particular,
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: and I know every energetic being feels this, male or female,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: however you identify, we've all got a nervous system. We're
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: all struggling at some point. We're all carrying stuff. We
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: don't know that we're loading our little systems up all
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: the time. But specifically seeing what you ladies do and
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: how you transform women's lives and also seeing as women
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: what we carry on the day, what we do to
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: our nervous systems unknowingly because we're just ornately designed to care.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: The trauma of if you've had children, the trauma of
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: new relationships or breaking up in relationships, these are all
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: human events, but none of us are really trained or
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: understand what that actually does to our system. We don't
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: know that we're carrying the whole weight of the world
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: and that it's just teetering here and it's going to
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: be that, I don't know, you kick your toe on
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: the coffee table and just all of a sudden you
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: just lose your mind.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Or you're sitting in traffic and the person in front
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: of you is copying your road rage because you're holding
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: it in.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: You spill your protein shake and it's the end of
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: the world.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Not about the protein shake.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: No. Or you get an email from your accountant and
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: lose your mind. That will do it. That will do it.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: Just saying. Could have been a situation.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: And it's your goal to be able to run your
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: own retreats. Yeah, beautiful.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: And I see the work that you guys do and
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: I'm like, hell yeah, I'm coming into those services.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: What do you need me to do?
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I will happily provide whatever to anyone to be able
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: to share this with women where, you know, we don't
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: have to be constantly looking for external stuff to fix
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: or feel like we need to fix like we're broken.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: We have it on board all day, every day. And
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: it's just a simple understanding how we can use it
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: giving us that little bit of time, that little bit
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: of space, grounding ourselves, and then we can get back
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: on with the job. But so many of us women
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: live in this heightened state, and that's the thing that
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: I want to do. I just want to be able
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: to help women understand that we are such powerful little creatures.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: Using our breath to be able to just get our
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: little nervous systems back to base and rethink will be
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: a potential game changer for so many of us. And
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I know it sounds so simple, but once we're regulated,
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: once we're back to base... Then we can start, now
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: what is it we want to implement? Now what is
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: it we want to do? You know, we look at
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: our lives and we think, I just need to do
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: this or I just need to do more of this.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: And it's like, no, we just need to maybe take
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: something away that's not serving us and then we can implement.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Get ourselves back to grounded, then look at what it
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: is we want to implement. You know, we're always trying
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: to stack. I've just got to do this. I've just
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: got to do this. And our little nervous system is going, okay, okay, well, yeah,
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: we'll add that as well.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, you dropped your coffee. That's the end of it.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: You're going to have to learn to reset that, go
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: back to baseline. So, yeah, that's ultimately my goal.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: I'd love to wrap this up with a final question
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: of if anyone's listening, which there'll be so many people
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: going through grief, maybe they've just lost someone. Maybe it
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: was three years ago. Maybe it's 10 years ago and
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: they're feeling so stuck. Everything you've said, they're like, oh
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: my gosh, that is me. What's the first step? What
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: would you say to them if they were in front
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: of you? How could you help them right now if
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: they just need to hear something from you?
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: What would that be?
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: You're allowed to feel this, but your next step is
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: to do the scary thing. And give yourself permission to
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: do that. Whilst ever you stay in that space of
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: grief where it holds you in a space, you won't
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: be able to push forward in a way that's productive.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: And I look at myself now and I go, I
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: wasn't honoring the life that Pete and I had by
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: staying in the space that I was.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: And I just know that making the hard decisions, the
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: scary decisions, that's where the growth is. And we hear
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: it all the time, but When you're at capacity, you
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: just don't want to be able to do that. So
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: I say if you're struggling, if you're holding something that's
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: really heavy, it's okay. But just know that you holding
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: onto it, it's going to stay heavy if you don't
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: allow to push yourself forward. And the people that you're
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: honoring and leaving behind, they would want you.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: To do that. That's so beautiful. Thank you so much
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: for sharing.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Just one thing.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Small piece of advice that you would leave for everyone
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: listening who's grieving in some capacity? Could be a breakup,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: could be anything in life. What's one piece of advice
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: that you think could cut through the noise, cut through
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: the bullshit, cut through the scrolling?
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: One piece of advice.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: Everything you're feeling is okay. And you're allowed to go
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: to that place because your body right now, it doesn't
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: know what's happening. And I think we try really hard
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: to try and understand. We don't need to understand it.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: You need to feel it.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: And just be okay with it. You don't have to
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: stay there, but you need to have that time to
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: just be okay with it. I didn't myself do that.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't give myself permission to be okay to feel
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: this loss and feel that numbness and feel that messy.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: You must give yourself permission to grieve and honor the
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: life that was because you're now pivoting into something that
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: you don't know what it looks like. And that's okay too.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: And just trust yourself that you'll figure it out. But
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: right now, you sit in that space and you grieve
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: and you feel that. You honour that love.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: What do they have to look forward on the other side?
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: You know, one door closes and at the time you
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: feel like that's the end. And whilst it is the
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: end of one chapter, like every good book, there's another chapter.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: And you have to just give yourself permission to be
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: able to find that chapter and find your people. The
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: minute you find proximity... The minute you find a space
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: where you feel comfortable, you do whatever it takes to
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: stay in that space, and that's what I've done. I
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: found a space where outside of my beautiful support that
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I have, this has allowed me to find a space,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: find me, come home to me. I think Meg asked
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: me a question at Bali Retreat. She said, what's the
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: one thing that you will take away from the Bali Retreat?
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: And I think my answer was myself.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: Mic drop.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Mic drop. That's so beautiful.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: It's really, really beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you, ladies.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you and we're so proud of you and
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: watching you go on this journey of growth and also
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: the duality of grief and hardship but also beauty on
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: the other side of it too. Like watching you come
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: more and more into yourself has been an incredible thing
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: to witness at the events, at the retreats, just in coaching,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: all of it. Like who you are now and who
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: sits in front of us. I know that you don't
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: yet see yourself in the way that we see you
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: but we know that you will. Yeah. I know that
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: everyone who is grieving will be appreciative of you being
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: willing to share just your story and your grief and
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: the vulnerability of that journey that you go on.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: So thank you.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you, guys. Thank you all for listening.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Let us know how you go listening to this episode.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: If you're grieving yourself, you're going through something, send us
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: a DM. Or if you have any beautiful words for Megan,
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: where can they find you if they want to reach out?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm a little nobody, guys. Oh, please. I am
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: on Instagram. I think it's like Megan underscore Jenny Elizabeth.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I'm sure I'll be able to share my Instagram with
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: you guys if people want to touch base or just
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: have a word.
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: I've got more retreats coming. And I'm sure you, who knows,
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: should be hosting a breathwork for.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: Us one day.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Like it's happening.
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Ready when you are.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you, ladies.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us, everyone.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: Bye. Bye.