Latest / Black Girls Heal / #304: Starting A Healing Circle

Transcript

#304: Starting A Healing Circle · Black Girls Heal

0:04
[SPEAKER_00]: My job is to somehow make them curious enough.
0:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll persuade them by hook or crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there is just to bring it out.
0:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever means necessary.
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll talk to the Black Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healer, intimacy disorders, and resolve trauma, and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves, and then others.
0:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Every episode, we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns, and grow in your self-worth.
0:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm Sheenella Shea, a love addition coach and trauma specialist.
0:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's begin.
0:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Hello, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heal.
0:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you are thriving and shining wherever you are.
1:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope that the weather is treating you nicely at the time that I'm recording this, the weather may be changing for the time that this episode is going to be posted, the weather may be changing or starting to change.
1:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And your neck of the woods, so I hope that it is treating you kind.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: If there have been some natural disasters,
1:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Or other things have been happening around the community, around the country that are not currently happening at the time that I'm recording this.
1:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want you to know that my love in my heart is always with you, is always with the community, always with the world as a whole.
1:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So even though this episode, if you're getting this episode while these things are happening, even though this episode is dropping, please don't ever think
1:44
[SPEAKER_01]: that I am posting blindly and upto sleep and not connected to what's happening.
1:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I am always going to have everyone in my prayers and sending out actions of comfort as well in my private life.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: However, the reason why I still, again, if I decide to post this episode if or when these things are happening.
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I always do so because I set up the beginning of this year when I was talking about just the tea and the heaviness and just how things have been weighing and as this country has been changing.
2:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I set up the beginning of this year.
2:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I would always post and share things related to what I teach about here as my own active resistance.
2:30
[SPEAKER_01]: as my ability to contribute because in spite of everything and beyond everything, we need connection, we need love, we need community.
2:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And if anything, now is the time more than ever for the topic of today's episode.
2:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So in today's episode, we are revisiting
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're in the middle of our series.
2:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We've started our series about how to cultivate healthy friendships and community.
2:53
[SPEAKER_01]: In this episode, we're going to look at how to build trust in friendships.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: What does that look like?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Where are some components in it?
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: What are some things for us to keep in mind?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What are some roadblocks that may get in the way of it?
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm going to share more about why this episode is important and more about how I'm going to teach about it in the intro to the episode.
3:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So for those of you who don't know in this series, I am sharing with my favorite episodes related to each topic.
3:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're about to listen to an episode that's already been published before.
3:23
[SPEAKER_01]: There are work sheets available for all of my episodes and our BJH members club.
3:28
[SPEAKER_01]: We're also giving healing circle questions for those of you who meet to connect with other people in your community to talk about some things that you're learning here on the podcast.
3:37
[SPEAKER_01]: There are journal prompts as well, which you can also just use for the healing circle questions.
3:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And there are next step challenges as well along with a community for you to chat about the podcast episodes and ask questions and all of that as well.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So the learning doesn't have to stop here.
3:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You can join us by going to black girls heel.org slash members in the leadership being in the show notes as well.
4:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, building trust in our friendship is special when we've had previous buildings is so important.
4:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And also for those of us who find that were always being the ones to give more than what we are receiving.
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[SPEAKER_01]: What does it look like when things are really going well?
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[SPEAKER_01]: But again, and normal way to talk about this from a more nuanced perspective, but it's going to build into those concepts as well, even if I don't teach about what I just shared specifically.
4:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's it for now.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go ahead and jump on it.
4:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Hello ladies and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Hill.
4:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I am so excited as usual to be in front of you today.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Today's episode is super special because I am getting into healing circles.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I am finally finally going to be able to break it down for you what they look like.
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[SPEAKER_01]: why they are important, how to use them in your life, and all of that jazz.
4:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So this episode is going to be highly, highly instructional because I am going to do all of those things from the definition to what the agenda of a healing circle should look like, why it is imperative for your healing, and also some troubleshooting.
5:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So what that's going to look like if you are trying to connect with other women,
5:19
[SPEAKER_01]: and your healing circle and conflict arises.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're trying to be supportive.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You want to be able to share your feelings, but you don't know how to do so.
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[SPEAKER_01]: That's what this is going to be about.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening to this week's podcast.
5:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Before we get started, let's take a small break to say thank you to this week's sponsors.
5:41
[SPEAKER_01]: For those of you who are new listeners to this podcast and you're like, what's this podcast all about?
5:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I just got here.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not the one that I want you to listen to.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to go ahead and just pause this episode.
5:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to go through the archives and I want you to look at the titles and pick one set.
5:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay an out to you.
5:57
[SPEAKER_01]: This podcast is all about teaching women who struggle with connecting to other people to showing their full selves to being attracted to unavailable relationships, um, um, resolve trauma, heal from that.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And every week I talk about a different topic related to those issues.
6:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's a general issue.
6:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's a very specific one.
6:17
[SPEAKER_01]: that audience members will ask me about.
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So you are free to go and pick a random title that calls to you.
6:26
[SPEAKER_01]: If you like, I want to do that.
6:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Just tell me directly where to go.
6:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Episode number five talks about healing intimacy disorder.
6:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's a really good overall view of what intimacy disorders are.
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: how I might show up in your personal life.
6:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Episode number fourteen is also a favorite title three things avoidance can do to make their lives better and then those are two great ones to just springboard you into a deep dive in a rabbit hole going forward.
6:57
[SPEAKER_01]: For everybody else who is already part of the Black Girls heel healing circle, healing family, this one is a long time coming.
7:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So you have heard me talk about how you need need to incorporate other people into your healing process.
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: that if you're working to heal an intimacy disorder, connect into other people, has to be a part of that process that can't be a solo job.
7:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I'm going to teach you in this episode is a tool that I want you to incorporate as part of your healing practice.
7:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It's basically going to be a small group that you get to talk about feelings, intimacy, and connection with other like minded women.
7:43
[SPEAKER_01]: and it is gears specifically for women like you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Some ladies who are really great at keeping people on the outside emotionally.
7:52
[SPEAKER_01]: This includes those of you who are my introverts who don't really have that many deep friendships and those of you who have lots of girlfriends around but no one really gets to know you and you don't really open up to them.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: To those of you who tend to connect too quickly, too deeply, oversharing at times with folks, and still feeling lonely and emptying on the other side of it.
8:16
[SPEAKER_01]: This is for us as well.
8:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And then of course, this is also for my women who are securely attached.
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[SPEAKER_01]: My ladies who are already healthy or who have done their healing journey work.
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: and are in a better place.
8:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You're able to communicate your boundaries.
8:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You're able to communicate your emotions.
8:34
[SPEAKER_01]: This is for you too.
8:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this is going to be helpful to all women.
8:39
[SPEAKER_01]: However, I have formatted this with the women in mind who I know need.
8:47
[SPEAKER_01]: need some support here.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Need to connect and need to have a space to talk about the things that we talk about here on the podcast in a safe container.
8:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and we just start there because I want to talk about all of this in the episode, but I wanted to give you that background.
9:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, this episode is going to be highly instructional.
9:09
[SPEAKER_01]: There is a free download that goes along with this episode for those of you who want to download the instructions that I'm going to share during this episode.
9:18
[SPEAKER_01]: There's also a workbook that you can get on the Amazon that is going to take a deep dive into the twelve most common topics that I hear all of y'all ask questions about that you
9:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm constantly feeling alone about if you are the only ones who are experiencing it, everything from jealousy to over-connecting to people, to mother-room stuff.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: All of that is in the workbook so you're here about that as well.
9:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But I can't wait to hear how these healing circles go for you.
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I know I have listeners from everywhere in the world from Seattle to South Africa to Mozambique because I've been getting y'all messages and I love it.
10:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So my hope is that everyone everywhere is able to start a healing circle with women in your community.
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Please please please let me know how they go for you.
10:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Please tag me in pictures and photos.
10:15
[SPEAKER_01]: and I just hope that you find this healing.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So today's podcast episode, I had actually already recorded, but I wanted to do another intro to that intro to set us up for success.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So without further ado, here is today's podcast episode.
10:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Hello, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Hill.
10:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I am so excited because this is it.
10:43
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the episode.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I've been talking about for weeks and weeks.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is the healing circles episode.
10:51
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I've been building up to when I told you I had something special that my hope was, is that it would help bring some joy, some intimacy, and some connection.
11:02
[SPEAKER_01]: to you and the ladies around you in your inner circle.
11:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I get lots of messages from you who tell me that you heard about me from a friend of yours, that you and your girlfriends listen to this together, that you will send an episode to someone who needs to hear it, which I think is awesome.
11:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I love how this podcast is helpful enough to you that you would want to share this to the people who that you love and that they will do the same for you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so I want to extend that experience
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[SPEAKER_01]: by teaching you how to lead healing circles.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So, what is a healing circle?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Why is it important?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go ahead and break all of this down.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now before we get started, you need to know why this is important for you to know.
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[SPEAKER_01]: or for you to incorporate as part of just your regular healing process.
12:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So this episode, this episode, this podcast, I teach and I administer, I love on women who have intimacy disorders.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So those of us who persistently struggle with connecting to other people, whether we over connect or we under connect.
12:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And as you may know, by listening to this podcast or by your own inner healing, self love, therapy journey, the reason why we overconnect and interconnect is because of unresolved childhood trauma that is manifested in our adult relationships or our relationships as adult women, right?
12:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though we may logically know or want to do something different,
12:46
[SPEAKER_01]: even though we may logically understand that we have people in front of us who are healthy, even though we may see the repercussions of not being able to let other people in or sabotaging our relationships and our happiness by connecting to people who are unhealthy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: is still happens.
13:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And so if we want to change how we connect to other people, we have to do things differently.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the ways that we do things differently is by practicing.
13:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyone who has ever worked with me individually, whether it is in my group coaching programs or whether or not it is as a private client, we got a practice, which is to talk to people who are around you
13:27
[SPEAKER_01]: to share what's going on with you, to open up about your feelings because often women will want to do their healing process by themselves.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it sounds very good.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It sounds very healthy for you to just want to focus on you, but really that is unhealthy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It is unhealthy because
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[SPEAKER_01]: If your core problem is that it is hard for you to connect to other people and be intimate and be vulnerable, you going into your bubble, you going into your UK, it's just exacerbating the problem.
14:03
[SPEAKER_01]: reinforcing it is only enabling yourself to not know how to be in relationship with out of feeling scary, without feeling unsafe.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we have to break those connections that you have in your heart between intimacy equals someone's going to hurt me, someone's going to reject me, someone's going to abandon me, right?
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And so
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[SPEAKER_01]: When I share this with my ladies, the first thing that they say rightfully so is not an excuse is just a fact is that they don't know how to do that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't know what the first steps actually looks like to be honest about what you're feeling to initiate relationships with other people for it to be
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[SPEAKER_01]: more than surface level to stay in one connection for a longer period of time between but before you dissipate it and spread yourself out between lots of people so you don't feel overwhelmed with one person they don't know what any of that looks like so do out our process I guide them through that but what I really really really
15:13
[SPEAKER_01]: want to teach and want you to have every woman who's listening to this to have access to is how to go ahead and get that process started yourself.
15:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I'm going to share with you is a format a safe container for you to practice opening up to other women in your life that you know like and trust
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: or other women in case you don't have those types of relationships in your life right now, which is totally fine.
15:44
[SPEAKER_01]: You have not done anything wrong.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not anything for you to have shame about.
15:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You are exactly where you're supposed to be in this moment.
15:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You're listening at this podcast at the exact right moment that your heart was open for it.
15:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So let all of those fear monsters, let all of those shame monsters just let them fall down because we're in that time for that today.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We are building our self-love today, so let's drop that right now.
16:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But in case you don't have those relationships, you know, for you to connect with women who are also on this healing journey, which actually might even be better in some ways because you may have
16:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Some friends who are really cool, but maybe they are not taking this healing journey as seriously, so you might not want to connect with them immediately, or maybe you have friends who are healthier in some ways, and I know that might sound bad, but if you're not a new listener to this podcast, you've heard me talk about how sometimes if you or someone who has a lot of almost all trauma,
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of problems with connecting with other people outside of like we can laugh, we can key key we can have fun, but really opening up.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: If you have a friend who is super, super healthy, sometimes they don't understand the problems that you have and why you have them.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: sometimes in their efforts to help they might come off a little bit judgmental or harsh or shaming especially if they've been hearing you talk about the same problems over and over again because they can't relate and because for them it feels like you're just not listening to their advice and you're being stubborn they just they might switch into the tough laughing so for those reasons sometimes even if you have a really healthy and wonderful friend
17:36
[SPEAKER_01]: If she's ever been judgmental or shaming or condescending towards you, you just might want to consider if you want her to be a part of your healing circle.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So many of us mistake criticism for harsh criticism for care.
17:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's especially if we come from backgrounds, where there is a lot of harsh criticism that supposedly is supposed to motivate us, but it's actually closer to emotional abuse.
18:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So when people are mean to us, we feel like, oh, I'm supposed to have that, or that's what I need to hear, they're just telling me the truth, but really you're just recreating your trauma.
18:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So just keep these things in mind as I am talking, of course.
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[SPEAKER_01]: There's their can and there should be a mixture of different people in your group.
18:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But you need to think about what is going to help you feel safe.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I've already kind of started to get into what a healing circle is.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Even though it's just supposed to be telling you the why this is important so that me go ahead and transition into that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Everything I'm about to tell you going forward from here is in a freebie that you can download by going to blackgirlshill.org slash healing circles.
18:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, that is blackrollsheel.org slash healing circles with an S at the end.
19:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It is going to be in the PDF if you can download by just putting your email address and I will send it right over.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm telling you it verbally as well so that you can kind of get a just what this is to see if it sounds good to you.
19:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let's go.
19:23
[SPEAKER_01]: A healing circle is a group of people who are meeting for the intention of healing and connection.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, you need to know that healing circles have been around forever.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Throughout the generations for thousands and thousands of years, I am not going to teach you anything in itself or a concept that in itself is new.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's across cultures, as across ethnicities, healing circles, or circles in general, having used for spiritual practices and different cultures, and as celebratory events, as ways to process grief and loss,
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[SPEAKER_01]: just to build community, I mean all over the place, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: But these Hillary circles that I'm going to teach to you are specifically for black women to heal from unresolved intimacy disorders and wounds by learning how to connect to other people to share their full selves with other like-minded women who want to grow and heal as well, okay?
20:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So, intimacy disorder, as you know,
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[SPEAKER_01]: is a systemic pattern of avoiding full vulnerability, intimacy, and connection with others due to that fear of rejection at being controlled or hurt.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The roots come from childhood and through our coping mechanisms we learn to keep ourselves safe.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and how to get what we want from other people by having this either thin or thick wall.
20:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And as already mentioned, even though we may logically know or really want to break these coping mechanisms, they are hard because they are intertwined with core beliefs we have about ourselves and about other people.
21:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, with that said, these healing circles are designed to help you show up as your full self and to connect with other people because you will be given topics or you are given topics to discuss at your healing circles that are about you, that are about things that you're feeling, that are about connection, that are about relationships, that are about self love, and they are designed to build upon each other.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They're designed to work together.
21:45
[SPEAKER_01]: They're designed to leave space at the times that you don't really want to discuss it.
21:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're designed to offer space for the time that the times that you're like, I really wanted to say this, but I didn't know how.
21:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I never really had the setting to do so in, right?
22:02
[SPEAKER_01]: How many of us raise your hand, where if you are, whether or not you're running on the treadmill, or whether or not you're laying down, or whether or not you're washing dishes, raise your hand if you've ever had that experience where it's like, I really haven't had these thoughts and these feelings about this.
22:16
[SPEAKER_01]: deep issue, but I don't really have a safe person or a place to talk to about this.
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, I can go and, you know, talk to my therapist and my therapist is great, but sometimes so much I had a friend that I could talk to outside of those forty-five minutes a week, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I've been there, right?
22:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So hopefully this helps bridge that gap to where you know you can call that friend because I've been talking about these deep things already, right?
22:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Or you've kind of broken the seal to where it is okay for you to talk about deeper things and she's not going to be like girl.
22:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Why are you calling me like we we're not at that level right or that you won't have that fear that she would think that because sometimes is you know our friends are just waiting for us to open up to them where the ones who are scared we are the ones who are holding back okay
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So, let me tell you how to put together healing circles in the way that I have remixed it or formatted it in this way.
23:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, there are many, many ways to do healing circles.
23:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of you may have your own healing circle practices or circle practices that have your own formats.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Follow them however you would like to.
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[SPEAKER_01]: These are just how I am teaching you to do the black girls heal healing circles.
23:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So, my suggestion, even if you roll deep with a lot of women, even if you all are super close, I would suggest that you do not have any more than six and no less than three women who are meeting together in a healing circle.
23:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Now the reason why I'm capping it at that amount is because you want to make sure that you have enough space and time for everyone to be able to share.
24:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes when it is not sometimes, when there are bigger groups, it is easier for people to hide and kind of say, well, I don't really have anything to say for this one.
24:16
[SPEAKER_01]: or to cut their answers short and blame it on the fact that there's so many people here and she just wants to make room for other people and she looks like the saint but really she's just being avoiding it because she doesn't want to talk about her feelings.
24:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I see you, I know what you're doing, I know because I've done to myself, right?
24:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of that gets eliminated.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Also,
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[SPEAKER_01]: with less energy in the room.
24:40
[SPEAKER_01]: There's more energy available to focus on the women that are there to build deeper bonds.
24:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's really going to help because we want women to commentate healing circles with the best opportunity to feel safe.
24:56
[SPEAKER_01]: If our core issue is that we may be abandoned or forgotten or overlooked, God forbid we go into this place as supposed to be about inner healing and we're getting talked over all the time.
25:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, with a bigger group, it's easier for the leaders, for the people who are supposed to
25:17
[SPEAKER_01]: leaders, the ones to take charge that will start to dominate their group and is easier for other people to fall back, which I'm going to talk about that in a second.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I gave the minimum of three, even though I'm going to be real honest, my preference is four.
25:36
[SPEAKER_01]: But the reason my preference is four is because things happen.
25:41
[SPEAKER_01]: People have events that they have to go to.
25:44
[SPEAKER_01]: People get sick.
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: People have to stay late at work.
25:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes people let you know ahead of time, sometimes people let you know like an hour before that they're not gonna make it.
25:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And if that happens with a group of four, with three women there, there's still enough energy, there's still enough diversity for there to be, you know, some variety in the answers, people to two people to support one person as they're talking, just a little bit more rich.
26:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That can totally happen with two people, so if your minimum is three, go ahead and do that.
26:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just wanted to say that that is my best suggestion.
26:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, as far as frequency,
26:29
[SPEAKER_01]: and commitment.
26:30
[SPEAKER_01]: My suggestion is that you all commit to meet together at least twelve times.
26:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Twelve times because if you meet weekly, that's at least three months, that's ninety days.
26:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Those of you who've been around for a minute, you know I love talking about my ninety days, the magic that can happen in three months.
26:50
[SPEAKER_01]: or that can be spread out to monthly actually they think that that is another great way to do that with a healing circle to do one healing circle a month because people are busy especially me now the station I'm in right now I think a few years ago meeting monthly would have been very annoying to me I would have been like like this is not enough momentum for me to actually be connected to other people but now with me you know being a mom of a young
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Sun and you know running a business and all of that stuff like monthly I can do and then also that gives space for those of you who do monthly events monthly healing circles that maybe you can have a healing circle
27:36
[SPEAKER_01]: plus a social event, like a social field trip, that you do once a month so that way you're getting multiple points of contact.
27:44
[SPEAKER_01]: You're actually able to build these healthy connections, talking about your emotional stuff and also talking about fun stuff and life stuff as well, intertwined with that.
27:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So, totally up to you, but my suggestion is to make a twelve circle commitment
28:01
[SPEAKER_01]: just to build a healthy connection with other people.
28:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I already mentioned whether or not you need to know these moments so they can be women who are part of your inner circle.
28:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You can find them as well in other places.
28:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have a free Facebook group called the Black Girls Hill Facebook group.
28:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I am going to start opening the group because right now the group is closed.
28:25
[SPEAKER_01]: If you join the Facebook group, you can totally join it.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I mean by closed is right now, only myself or our moderators can add different threads.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you were to join the group, you can't just come in and post whatever you want to post.
28:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It has to be underneath the post has already been started by myself for one of my moderators.
28:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to start having posts where women can find other women to connect with to be a part of their healing circles.
28:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I might actually start
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: A directory, if that's of interest to you, where you can find women to connect with, who are looking for an intercircle outside of the Facebook group.
29:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So you all can just let me know that.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, to find other like-minded women, and I think our Facebook group is a great place for that because I actually only allow women in the group who are all here for the same reason.
29:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if anyone is, is acts of own Facebook and if you've ever joined a group, sometimes they have your answer questions.
29:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And if women either don't answer their questions when they want to join, or if they answer questions in such a way that tells me that they're just coming in to like kind of snooper round or that they really don't really need to work on the stuff that I teach here on Black girls heel, then
29:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't add them because I want this to be a safe place for all of us who need support and need to say a place to talk about the things that we're going through to have that.
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is totally the place for you to find other women who are looking to be the best versions of themselves to learn how to open up, learn how to connect, so that is available to you.
30:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You can join the group by going to blackgrillsheel.org-group and I'll automatically redirect you to the Facebook group
30:24
[SPEAKER_01]: for you to go ahead and add yourself and make sure you answer the questions or you can search for the Rupper Self on Facebook.
30:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So, there's that.
30:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey you.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We hope you're enjoying the podcast so far.
30:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's take a quick break to say thanks to this week's sponsors.
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Ladies, I am so excited to share that for this podcast episode.
30:48
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31:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Regarding location, it can be anywhere, but I think that, of course, meaning someone's home is the best place because it's more cozy, it's more comfortable, you can stay as long as you need, as long as the host tells you you can stay there, right?
32:05
[SPEAKER_01]: If your host is one of those people that's like, be out by nine, start early enough that you can be out by nine, but that is
32:14
[SPEAKER_01]: that about location.
32:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's go ahead and talk about the roles of the people in the healing circle.
32:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So let me say this from the beginning.
32:27
[SPEAKER_01]: In the healing circle, there is no leader again.
32:34
[SPEAKER_01]: In the healing circle, there is no leader.
32:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So those of you ladies who are listening to this, and you're like, I got the gift of pastoring and shepherding, and I'm a teacher, and I'm just taking notes on this, because I'm just gonna, I got all these lessons I can teach women.
32:52
[SPEAKER_01]: If you plan on doing this, you are defeating the purpose of the healing circle.
32:58
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not a lecture, this is not a workshop, this is not a master class.
33:02
[SPEAKER_01]: A healing circle is built so that every woman who is in this room is a full participant.
33:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So no matter what your background is, no matter what your healing history is, you're not coming in as a guru.
33:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You're coming in as a woman, a full open-hearted woman who wants to learn and learn how to express herself and connect with the other woman in the group as a peer.
33:31
[SPEAKER_01]: If that is difficult for you, I would encourage you to take a moment and think about why that is.
33:38
[SPEAKER_01]: why is it safer for you to come in as a guru or expert instead of your full self, right?
33:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So and we'll kind of talk about that a little bit more in a moment.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: With that said, even though there is no master teacher in this group, there are different roles because there does need to be structure to help this group get started to help this group
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: have some walls, right?
34:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So first is the host.
34:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And actually let me just tell you the names of all of the titles, just so you can keep an ear out for it.
34:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But again, all of this is in that freebie that you can download by going to blackgrillsheel.org slash healing circles.
34:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You can also go to blackgirlhealingcircles.com.
34:34
[SPEAKER_01]: where I'm going to have all stuff healing circles only for your convenience as well.
34:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So either one of those websites will give you everything that you need to know and it will also be in the show notes as well.
34:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But the three roles are the host, the guardian, and the timekeeper.
34:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
34:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, the host is the person who is in charge of opening and closing the circles.
34:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's an actual format that I am going to suggest that you go through, that I'm going to share with you in a moment.
35:06
[SPEAKER_01]: But she is the one who is in charge of opening the circle at the beginning and ending it.
35:11
[SPEAKER_01]: She's also going to be the one who is actually announcing their transition from one segment to the next within the healing circle.
35:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But again, in spite of her being a one who opens the circle and closes the circle and says, OK, now we're going to move on to this apart.
35:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She's just a facilitator.
35:29
[SPEAKER_01]: She is there as an equal member of the circle, right?
35:34
[SPEAKER_01]: If you know, if you look at the shape of a circle, it is perfectly balanced on every side.
35:39
[SPEAKER_01]: That is what we're going for in this experience.
35:43
[SPEAKER_01]: The host can totally just like all of these roles.
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: The host can change.
35:47
[SPEAKER_01]: from healing circle to healing circle, y'all can decide that one person's always the host or y'all can switch.
35:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's totally up to you.
35:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And also the host is just the name for the healing circle.
36:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So this person does not need to open her house every time y'all can have it at different places.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just want to make that clear so that no one fills overwhelms if any of my ladies struggle with standing up for yourselves or committing to too many things when you really need to be saying no.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm giving you that out.
36:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You can say no later on even if you say yes today.
36:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the host.
36:27
[SPEAKER_01]: The guardian is the woman who makes sure that the emotional space of each woman is honored by making sure that y'all keep up with the group agreements.
36:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So the group agreements are basically the rules of the group, right?
36:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So just the commitments that you're making that you're going to speak the truth that you're going to take care of your own emotions that you're going to show up
36:54
[SPEAKER_01]: with an open heart that kind of stuff.
36:56
[SPEAKER_01]: The guardian may be the one who's in charge of the talking stick or the talking piece.
37:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of you who've ever done open group discussions, you are very familiar with a talking piece which
37:09
[SPEAKER_01]: The idea is whoever's holding it is the one who is able to talk.
37:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You may decide to use this in your healing circle.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You may not, but it is totally up to the guardian to decide if that's what your group needs and that's totally okay if that's what your group needs.
37:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's that.
37:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the timekeeper is the third one.
37:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So she is the one who is in charge of keeping track of how much each woman is talking.
37:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Now that's gonna sound like a drag, right?
37:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's gonna sound like man.
37:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not trying to come up and talk about my feelings and only be told I have two minutes.
37:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not what this is.
37:48
[SPEAKER_01]: It's totally up for y'all to decide how long the time limit is.
37:53
[SPEAKER_01]: However,
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: however it is very important that this happens per my suggestion you can do what you want but I know that for some of us who are going to join healing circles the way that we cope with our
38:13
[SPEAKER_01]: distress or the ways that we show up and kind of cover up our insecurities or the ways that we may act in our own pride and ego is by dominating.
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We are going to be the ones that talk a lot in the group.
38:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's just that we talk a lot.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's that we talk too much.
38:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What's the difference between a lot and too much, too much is what is intrusive, too much is what it's overbearing and dominating, right?
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And some of us are aware that we do that, some of us are not aware that we do that.
38:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So the best way for us to
38:49
[SPEAKER_01]: create a healthy container.
38:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's not something that we have to deal with in the healing circle.
38:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just for there to be a time limit.
38:57
[SPEAKER_01]: For each woman to have five or six minutes for each question.
39:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, it's up to you to decide.
39:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Five or six minutes is a long time.
39:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I might not seem like a long time, but you would be surprised once you start talking and answering the question.
39:13
[SPEAKER_01]: How often you will have left over time to discuss?
39:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But that is the job of the time keeper pro tip as someone who's been a time keeper places before.
39:24
[SPEAKER_01]: My suggestion is if your time keeper say y'all decide on like five minutes per question that the time keeper makes a little time ago off at four minutes so that the person knows that they have a minute to wrap it up and then they set the timer again for a minute for that last minute.
39:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so there's that.
39:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me tell you about the format of the healing circle, the agenda.
39:49
[SPEAKER_01]: For the agenda you are going to do a welcome, which is where you're going to open the group.
39:54
[SPEAKER_01]: By welcoming each member to the space to this week or this month's healing circle, you're going to clear the space.
40:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is where you're going to take the moment to do a quick three to five minute meditation or prayer to get everybody grounded in the room.
40:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, then you're going to assign roles.
40:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So in case you don't have the reoccurring, someone's always the host, someone's always the timekeeper, someone's always the guardian.
40:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, people can choose if they want to assist by doing that role that, um, that evening or that day or that afternoon when I read a side to do your healing circles.
40:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you're going to do your circle agreements.
40:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, this is really important to do.
40:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if this is circle number ten, I strongly strongly strongly suggest that you put this as part of your agenda every time.
40:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Just as a reminder that this is the energy, these are the commitments that we're bringing to the space.
40:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you're going to do a check-in.
40:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is where every woman's just going to talk about a current high or current low.
41:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And answer the icebreaker question.
41:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And then there's going to be a topic reading.
41:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is the content that I was talking about.
41:10
[SPEAKER_01]: That is about inner healing things and relationships.
41:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to share with you where to get that from in a moment.
41:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the discussion questions that go along with that topic or the topic reading.
41:24
[SPEAKER_01]: My suggestion is that you go question by question because there's going to be a lot of great stuff by answering the questions as a group versus saying what stood out to you and just people having a free for all.
41:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I intentionally have created discussion questions for you to help you go a little bit past the service.
41:49
[SPEAKER_01]: After you do your discussion, after you do your reading, then you're going to do blessings.
41:54
[SPEAKER_01]: This is something that I'm very
41:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm very excited for you to potentially get to do and this is going to be your closing.
42:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll write before you're closing where each circle member will give a blessing or a positive compliment to the sister to her right in order to manifest positivity.
42:14
[SPEAKER_01]: and love and connection until the next healing circle which I think is a really lovely way to close out what could be a very touching and deep moment that evening or even if there was something that was stirred up that gets people a little bit tender to be able to end with that I think it's going to be very powerful for you and the family closing reminders so
42:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you everybody for coming.
42:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Confirm with the next time you're going to have a healing circle.
42:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That kind of stuff, right?
42:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is it for your agenda.
42:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Now for content, my suggestion is for topics to be around the stuff that I'm talking about.
42:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So building intimacy, inner healing, connection, and stuff like that.
43:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've actually created a workbook that you can get on Amazon.
43:11
[SPEAKER_01]: that has these topics.
43:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So easy peasy, just have a sin to you wherever you are, where you can write in it and answer all the questions and everything you want.
43:22
[SPEAKER_01]: The freebie that you're gonna download has one of these topics already for you to go ahead and get started.
43:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But the twelve topics that I have for you are fear of vulnerability, self-love, healing our connections.
43:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're gonna talk about over-connecting and under-connecting.
43:41
[SPEAKER_01]: jealousy, meaning what you say, body image, self-medicating, codependence, honesty, mother pain, control your emotions.
43:53
[SPEAKER_01]: and celebrating your growth.
43:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So those twelve topics were chosen specifically from the things that I hear y'all talk about all the time that are really big needs that you may want to express and share with someone else that can either get where you're coming from.
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: or just listen to you and hope space for you or give you advice about how she dealt with it herself.
44:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is available for you.
44:25
[SPEAKER_01]: The one that's included in your free me download is the Fair Vulnerability.
44:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the first one in the workbook as well because
44:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I just figured that that is the best one to start with, since that's probably what a lot of us are feeling at the time, right?
44:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, no matter where you are in this process, even those of you who are like, yeah, I really need to learn how to connect to other people.
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I really need to know how to do this thing.
44:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You're probably also having ten simultaneous thoughts telling you why you don't want to do this, why this isn't going to work for you, why this is too scary, why you're not going to take the risk, why you're too busy, right?
45:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about what's actually underneath that research, the fear of vulnerability to see if you can actually do this, right?
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you do this healing circle once and you're like, hmm, not for me, then okay, not for you.
45:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's best to try.
45:22
[SPEAKER_01]: okay and now what might just be the most important part hopefully you've been listening to to this point because this is this is what you're really going to need to do this healing circle and to do it effectively so lean in pay attention and listen if you've been doing other stuff come back to me so
45:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I am now going to tell you about how to support the other woman in the group and how to support yourself.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Because again, if this was just as easy as get together with a group of other women and talk about your feelings, you would have done it by now.
46:02
[SPEAKER_01]: There are real barriers that are getting in the way of you giving and receiving loving connection to other women.
46:09
[SPEAKER_01]: This is where I don't know how I don't know what that looks like.
46:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to share my feelings.
46:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to tell people I'm stuck.
46:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to tell people I'm too embarrassed to share what I want to say.
46:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even want to tell people I'm too embarrassed to share what I want to say.
46:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So I get that.
46:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's where this this part is going to come in for you.
46:29
[SPEAKER_01]: These are your training wheels to help best equip you to go into this process successfully and to maybe practice some self compassion and some self forgiveness and give yourself some grace for the moment that it is hard because it's probably going to be a little bit uncomfortable, but that's okay because it's going to be uncomfortable for everybody in the room and it's
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just more your thoughts in your own head that's telling you that means that's evidence that there's something wrong with you.
47:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Versus, you're just talking about deeper things and that's okay.
47:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It's okay for it to be awkward at first.
47:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So, here we go.
47:10
[SPEAKER_01]: In your freebie, I talk about verbal support and physical support.
47:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So, it is very important that after each woman shares that you do not jump in and start giving advice, trying to fix it, trying to affirm her, trying to do all these things, because even though you may feel like that is the best thing to do for her, you might actually be injuring her.
47:38
[SPEAKER_01]: How could you injure somebody if you're telling her that it's going to be okay?
47:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes what someone needs is not for someone to tell them that it's going to be okay, but sometimes people just need the space to feel whatever it is that they need to feel.
47:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes people just need to be able to say this sucks and I feel sad and for other people to let her just feel that, especially if you're someone who always has to look like
48:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She has everything together, like that's the most freeing thing, you know?
48:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we have to learn how to restrain those good intentions to actually listen to what our sister needs.
48:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And so how do you know what she needs?
48:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You actually ask.
48:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And so in your workbooks, if you get the whole workbook and this freebie, there are two things listed there to support you.
48:34
[SPEAKER_01]: One is the question for you to ask your sister, and then also the options that you have in supporting her.
48:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So the question simply is, how can we support you?
48:49
[SPEAKER_01]: What is it that you need from us?
48:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she can answer either she wants you just to hold space for her.
48:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So that means not giving her any advice, just to listen.
49:00
[SPEAKER_01]: She just needs to get it out and say it.
49:03
[SPEAKER_01]: She can need validation, which sounds like you telling her that you understand what she's saying, that she's not crazy, that's okay for it to feel that way.
49:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And the third option is that she needs feedback.
49:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So she wants to hear your advice, she wants to hear your thoughts, your opinions, what you think she should do, or
49:24
[SPEAKER_01]: what you think could be helpful to her.
49:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Now she may need one of those things, all of those things and make sure of those things, but you need to listen to her, okay?
49:36
[SPEAKER_01]: um now this is what makes healing circles so great because this is totally gonna combine both your work as a listener and her work as someone who is learning to vocalize what she needs so for me if I struggle with knowing how to get out
49:57
[SPEAKER_01]: My feelings are to get out, how to ask for support.
50:01
[SPEAKER_01]: This is really going to teach me how to kind of just take a moment and think what is that I really need right now, right?
50:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And what you're really great about a healing circle is that it's practice.
50:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So you don't get any points for
50:15
[SPEAKER_01]: saying the right thing.
50:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you could totally say, you know, at one advice, but then when people start giving you advice, you're like, you know what?
50:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I really don't want advice.
50:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I really just need people to listen.
50:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But you're not going to know that until you start the process, right?
50:31
[SPEAKER_01]: For the rest of us, this may be totally about us and our own stuff as well.
50:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of us need to fix it.
50:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of us don't know how to show up in the world unless we are giving someone advice, unless we're able to be the savior.
50:50
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't know how to tolerate when someone is having a negative emotion.
50:54
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to cheer them up or tell a joke or make them cookies or whatever it may be.
51:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And even though in most contexts, that's really, really great and really supportive and healthy, and no one's telling you to not make someone cook you, she's having a bad day.
51:11
[SPEAKER_01]: However, if someone is telling you that the way that you love me is to just let me have my emotions, and that's hard for you.
51:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta look at why is that hard for me?
51:24
[SPEAKER_01]: What is it that's hard for me to let someone else experience what they need to experience to get to the other side?
51:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
51:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Where did that start with you?
51:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What is this really about?
51:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's most likely not even about your sister in the circle or your friend in the circle or the person that you're getting to know in the circle is more about this pattern that you've had your whole life that this is going to help you fix.
51:51
[SPEAKER_01]: The same thing goes for physical support.
51:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So so many of us are tutters.
51:57
[SPEAKER_01]: We love the ability to cuddle.
52:02
[SPEAKER_01]: We love getting hugs from other people.
52:04
[SPEAKER_01]: We love having a comforting hand on our shoulders, what we need.
52:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We live in touch deprivation.
52:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So anytime that we have it, we just soak it up.
52:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And some of us are very touch-a-verse to be touched, feel very threatening to us, it feels unsafe.
52:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we don't really do touch from other people.
52:25
[SPEAKER_01]: It is your job and one of the things that you're going to learn is to respect these physical boundaries as well.
52:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I think I'm guilty of this as well.
52:40
[SPEAKER_01]: In my younger days, me being someone who used to operate very much in physical touch.
52:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I would meet someone at Bible studies or whatever social group I was a part of and someone would say, I'm not really a hugger.
52:54
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I really don't like touch or whatever.
52:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would think, oh, I'm going to convert her.
52:59
[SPEAKER_01]: She just doesn't know.
53:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm just going to hug the mess out of her.
53:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to love her.
53:04
[SPEAKER_01]: But y'all, in this, especially now, we need to be very aware that when people tell us, please don't touch me.
53:15
[SPEAKER_01]: that we have to listen to that.
53:17
[SPEAKER_01]: That is coming from a place of heart, it's coming from a place of vulnerability and you not listening to her and you not respecting her boundaries is not going to help her heal.
53:27
[SPEAKER_01]: If anything is going to push her more into that feeling cornered, more into her feeling like she can't trust the words that you're going to say because you're not going to, you're not trusting or honoring her physical boundaries.
53:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So, in short, if the women in your circle say that they are not touched, and they do not want to be touched, then do not touch them.
53:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
53:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, what you can say
53:55
[SPEAKER_01]: is I am someone who really needs hugs sometimes so are a lot of times so please if you see that I'm feeling upset please please please feel free to reach out and you know touch my arm or give me a hug and let your request be known also
54:16
[SPEAKER_01]: If there's a time, because sometimes people are not my readers.
54:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're ever in a place where you're like, man, that share really got to me and can someone give me a hug, use your words so that you can get what you need.
54:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, also most in the freebie for those of you who need that extra support and figuring out what to say and how to say it is a special section that gives you prompts on how to share your feelings, right?
54:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So whether or not it's
54:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Right now I'm feeling stuck.
54:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what to say or I want to share but can someone else go first?
54:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to share but I need to know if any of you have felt this way before.
54:58
[SPEAKER_01]: There's about ten prompts to help you get started for anyone who struggles with feeling anxious, fearful or stuck.
55:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is also there for you in the freebie.
55:10
[SPEAKER_01]: In the workbook, you will have the opportunity to learn what to do if there's ever any disagreements or conflicts or hurt feelings in the group.
55:21
[SPEAKER_01]: We go into that there, but yeah.
55:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is it for what a healing circle should look like.
55:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So because I know that there are some of us who are going to want to enrich the group
55:38
[SPEAKER_01]: and also enrich ourselves.
55:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I do have one more little extra thing for you, which is the facilitator's kit.
55:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is where depending on the lesson that you are on, there is going to be a supplemental video exercise that you can go through either on your own or as a group during the healing circle to take your healing process deeper.
56:04
[SPEAKER_01]: to provide richer discussion to have a next step for you to do after the healing circle and you can learn more about that at
56:14
[SPEAKER_01]: black girl healing circles with a nest.com.
56:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You can just scroll down and see what that's about.
56:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is it for now.
56:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you found this podcast episode helpful.
56:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you're able to get those downloads for you to go ahead and get started.
56:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to hear and see how these healer circles are going.
56:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So please, please, please.
56:42
[SPEAKER_01]: tag me on Instagram at Black girls heel underscore please please please please go ahead and post pictures in the Facebook group too if you happen to be a Facebook member and also let me know if you want that directory so if you think that that would be a resource maybe I can
57:01
[SPEAKER_01]: See if I can put that together to make it easily searchable for your lady's as well.
57:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is it for now.
57:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you in next week's episode in the meantime.
57:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Take care of yourselves.