Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 48: The Midweek Reset: The Key To Consistency

Transcript

EP 48: The Midweek Reset: The Key To Consistency · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

• 0:00
  What if the goal isn't to never get off course? What if the
• 0:04
  real goal is to become someone who knows how to come back quickly?
• 0:08
  Because consistency isn't perfection. It's choosing what
• 0:11
  matters, creating realistic expectations
• 0:15
  around what matters, and continuing to return to those things over and
• 0:19
  over again. If you're tired
• 0:23
  of people pleasing, caring too much, and wondering why
• 0:27
  peace still feels so hard to hold onto, you're in the right place.
• 0:31
  Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people pleaser,
• 0:35
  and your boundaries coach. Here we talk about how to protect your peace,
• 0:39
  set healthier boundaries, and get clear on what actually matters
• 0:44
  so that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more
• 0:48
  satisfying. So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath,
• 0:52
  and get into this next episode.
• 0:58
  Hey friend, welcome back to Healthy Boundaries for Moms. I am your host, Lori Grimes,
• 1:02
  and this is your midweek reset. So today I want to give
• 1:06
  you a reminder that I think all of us need from time to time.
• 1:09
  I know I do. Consistency will take you further
• 1:13
  than perfection ever will. And this applies to so much more
• 1:17
  than checking things off a to-do list. I know that's like the first thing
• 1:20
  that comes to our minds, but it really applies to things
• 1:24
  like how we parent our kids, how we take care of our bodies, how we're
• 1:28
  managing our homes, and how we show up in our relationships.
• 1:31
  It even shows up on how we talk with God and our
• 1:35
  walk with God. Because the goal isn't to do everything
• 1:39
  perfectly, friends. The goal is to become faithful and consistent
• 1:44
  with the things that actually matter. So consistency
• 1:48
  requires realistic expectations.
• 1:51
  Sometimes we assume we're struggling because we need
• 1:55
  more discipline, but I think sometimes we're just struggling because we've created these
• 2:00
  expectations that just aren't based in reality.
• 2:04
  And we make the list way too long and we
• 2:08
  create this beautiful, perfect Pinterest-y morning routine
• 2:13
  and we decide we're going to work out 6 days a week and cook every
• 2:17
  meal at home. Keep that house spotless, read our Bibles
• 2:21
  every morning, never lose our patience with our
• 2:24
  kids, and stay on top of every appointment
• 2:28
  and somehow still just have lots
• 2:32
  of energy left for our marriage and to pour into our friendships. And then
• 2:36
  real life happens, right? We miss a day at
• 2:40
  the gym. And if we struggle with perfectionism,
• 2:44
  perfectionism, sorry, or black and white thinking,
• 2:47
  suddenly it becomes, well, I already messed up the whole
• 2:51
  week, right? I mean, today, Wednesday,
• 2:55
  maybe you missed a day of something or something that was on your
• 2:58
  list, and you're thinking, well, I'll start over on Monday.
• 3:01
  So instead of doing the start over on Monday,
• 3:05
  let's ask ourselves, what can I faithfully repeat?
• 3:09
  Maybe that's the better measurement our goals? Is it
• 3:12
  specific? Can I measure it? Is it realistic for the
• 3:17
  season I'm actually living in? And can I consistently repeat it?
• 3:20
  Because something doesn't have to be impressive to
• 3:23
  be effective. I think actually the simpler
• 3:27
  the goals and the simpler the steps to take, the easier it's going to be
• 3:31
  to stay with it. So how about consistency in
• 3:35
  our parenting? This is especially important with boundaries and
• 3:39
  our kids. If I tell my child what the limit is, I need to be
• 3:42
  willing to be consistently following through daily
• 3:46
  on that limit because if I say no today but tomorrow
• 3:50
  that no becomes a yes because I'm tired of arguing
• 3:54
  about it, eventually my child learns
• 3:57
  something. They learn that maybe mom doesn't really mean what she says. I know
• 4:01
  this comes up a lot with my daughter. I have to really hold to my
• 4:04
  boundaries because if she catches a moment that I give in,
• 4:08
  a lot of times that moment stays on repeat and she thinks she
• 4:12
  can just keep doing that every time. So maybe if I ask enough times,
• 4:17
  she thinks, or push hard enough, maybe if
• 4:20
  I just complain to mom long enough or escalate the situation,
• 4:24
  eventually mom's going to move that boundary. And she tests me all
• 4:28
  the time. And that's not necessarily because I'm doing something
• 4:32
  terrible as a parent. Sometimes we're just
• 4:36
  exhausted, right? Like we've had a full day. And now our boundaries are
• 4:40
  being pushed and they're trying to push
• 4:44
  our limits. But consistently create safety and predictability.
• 4:48
  It also helps us so that we don't have that fatigue
• 4:52
  going on, just always trying to reinvent the wheel.
• 4:56
  Like, maybe we should change this boundary, or maybe she's right, or maybe—
• 5:00
  I think we should just stay with our boundaries because then we're
• 5:03
  not adding to the confusion and the exhaustion.
• 5:07
  And our kids learn Mom means what she says, and I
• 5:11
  know where this boundary is, and I know what happens when I cross it.
• 5:15
  That doesn't mean we have to be rigid. I mean, there are times
• 5:18
  where circumstances change and it calls for a
• 5:22
  change in our boundary, especially if it's not working or we just intentionally want
• 5:26
  to change it. But that's different from abandoning it, abandoning that
• 5:31
  boundary because the follow-through felt uncomfortable
• 5:34
  to us. No, healthy boundaries require require consistency,
• 5:38
  or they're just not really boundaries. Our words and our actions
• 5:42
  need to line up with each other. That is a key
• 5:46
  to good boundaries. And consistency
• 5:50
  with our bodies, that's another one. The same thing
• 5:53
  applies to how we're taking care of ourselves. Maybe you decided
• 5:58
  you want to move your body consistently, or maybe you decided to eat in a
• 6:02
  way that nourishes you and gives you what you need.
• 6:05
  And maybe you're trying to prioritize sleep, so you want to get
• 6:08
  on a routine sleep schedule. Or maybe you're trying to drink more water, get outside,
• 6:12
  take those vitamins, those supplements, and simply just
• 6:16
  stop treating your own needs like they're always the last
• 6:21
  thing on the list, right, moms? You don't have to do those things perfectly
• 6:25
  for them to matter. One meal is not going to determine
• 6:29
  how you eat, or one missed workout doesn't determine whether you're an
• 6:33
  active person, right? And one weekend is not going to undo months
• 6:37
  of your progress, and one difficult season doesn't erase everything
• 6:41
  you've already built. So the question isn't, did I
• 6:44
  do this perfectly? The question is, am I
• 6:48
  willing to get back on course? That, my friends,
• 6:52
  is consistency. How about consistency in our spiritual lives? And I think
• 6:56
  this one is incredibly important. Maybe there is a season
• 7:00
  when you were just super consistent about reading your Bible and praying
• 7:04
  or going to church and journaling, spending that quiet time
• 7:08
  with God, and then something came in, as inevitably
• 7:11
  will, and life changed and you got busy and the kids' schedules changed
• 7:15
  and you got tired. And maybe you went through something really hard
• 7:19
  or somewhere along the way you realized, I haven't been doing this like I used
• 7:22
  to. Perfectionism can even show up in our relationship
• 7:26
  with God and just feel like we're failing. But God isn't asking
• 7:30
  us to hide because we got off course, we didn't do our little checkmark
• 7:34
  for the day. He's inviting us to return and reconnect and pray
• 7:38
  again and crack open our Bible and spend time with Him and
• 7:43
  just come back. So Galatians 6:9 says, let us not become weary in doing
• 7:47
  good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not
• 7:50
  give up. I love this scripture for boundaries because It
• 7:54
  is basically saying that we will reap a harvest if
• 7:57
  we don't give up. We will reap a harvest
• 8:02
  if we continue to show up. And that's
• 8:05
  a huge difference than saying we'll reap a harvest if I execute
• 8:09
  this plan perfectly. So I think we need
• 8:13
  faithfulness over intensity. Sometimes we're attracted to the
• 8:17
  intensity, right, because we get burst of dopamine.
• 8:21
  And we want that dramatic change, right? We want that montage
• 8:25
  moment. We want the perfect routine and the big overhaul and
• 8:29
  the fresh start. But so much of life is just built in the little
• 8:32
  acts of faithfulness. Like in Luke 16:10, it tells
• 8:36
  us, whoever can be trusted with very little can also be
• 8:40
  trusted with much. There's something so powerful about being faithful
• 8:44
  in these little things. Following through with your child when you said you would,
• 8:48
  taking that walk and making that next nourishing choice,
• 8:51
  putting that phone down and spending time with your spouse,
• 8:55
  just opening your Bible, praying just for the 5 minutes,
• 8:59
  and doing the next thing on your list instead of becoming overwhelmed by everything
• 9:03
  you didn't finish yesterday. Maybe the goal
• 9:07
  just needs to change. So you want to think about something this week.
• 9:11
  Just pick one area where you've been struggling to stay consistent.
• 9:15
  So maybe you're thinking about your parenting. Maybe it is your health
• 9:18
  or your marriage. It could be your home or your work. Or you
• 9:23
  do want to look at the relationship with God and just ask
• 9:27
  yourself, what am I expecting from myself in this area? Is that expectation
• 9:31
  realistic for my life right now? Can I measure even what
• 9:35
  I'm trying to accomplish, or is it super vague? And most importantly,
• 9:39
  can I faithfully repeat this? Because if the answer is no,
• 9:43
  Maybe you'll— you don't need to abandon the goal. Maybe you just need to adjust
• 9:47
  the expectation, and that is a boundary too. Sometimes we need boundaries
• 9:52
  around what we expect from ourselves. So friend,
• 9:55
  you are going to get off course. You and I will constantly get off course,
• 9:59
  and that's part of being human. But don't turn one detour into
• 10:03
  a whole new destination. You don't have to wait until Monday and
• 10:08
  start over again. You don't have to wait until the first of the month,
• 10:11
  and you don't have to create this gorgeous elaborate plan,
• 10:14
  and you don't have to punish yourself for getting off track.
• 10:18
  Just make the next decision that's going to put you back on track
• 10:23
  to what matters, because consistency isn't never
• 10:26
  getting off course. Consistency is learning how to come
• 10:30
  back quickly. Hey friend,
• 10:33
  I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If so, would you
• 10:37
  take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook
• 10:42
  page at Healthy Boundaries for Moms. That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working,
• 10:45
  and support each other in real life. I will also share some great
• 10:49
  tools and tips to help you along this journey. I have
• 10:52
  also included a link to sign up for our brand new weekly newsletter
• 10:57
  in the Facebook group. Don't forget to hit follow and leave
• 11:01
  a quick review on Apple. It really lets me know that this podcast is helping
• 11:04
  you. More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
• 11:08
  Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say
• 11:11
  yes to something you actually need, and I'll meet you back here in
• 11:15
  the next episode.