Latest / The Daily Sarcast / July 23rd, 2026: Kind Murderers, Don't Eat Lettuce Right Now And Weird Things I Do

Transcript

July 23rd, 2026: Kind Murderers, Don't Eat Lettuce Right Now And Weird Things I Do · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is sponsored by Peace Mode, the app that finally helps you avoid
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  unnecessary human interaction.
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  Tired of running into your neighbor when you're taking out the trash and have
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  to have an entire 5-10 minute conversation?
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  Peace Mode creates a fake emergency so you can pretend you're busy.
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  Someone that you don't like that much asks, what are you up to?
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  Peace Mode automatically replies, sorry, dealing with a work emergency.
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  It could be anything. A work crisis. A family emergency. A mysterious rash.
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  The possibilities are endless.
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  Download Peace Mode today.
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  Because sometimes we just need to keep our peace and we don't know how to say it.
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  I call it La La Hand. Ryan Gosling on his awkward hand in that La La Land poster
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  that Universal just fixed for the 10th anniversary.
• 0:52
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I gave you the news and made me a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is July 23rd, 2026.
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  Okay, I have to say, a bunch of people have been telling me recently,
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  and when I say a bunch, I mean two, but two people recently,
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  shout out to Ray and Devin, they're like, my news comes from you, from your podcast.
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  I'm like, that's a little scary, but I'm very honored that you get your news
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  for me and thank you so much if you do.
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  So in real news, a woman in Ohio just learned a very important lesson this week.
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  Sometimes helping strangers is a beautiful act of kindness and sometimes it's
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  how you accidentally become the Airbnb host for a murder investigation.
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  So this woman, Adrienne, met two women who told her they were stranded after
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  escaping a toxic situation in Maryland.
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  They said their car broke down, they were out of money, and they were just,
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  like, trying to start over.
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  And Adrienne was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry about all of this, let me help you.
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  Because, like, she's experienced homelessness and addiction herself,
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  so she understood what it felt like to need someone to give you a chance.
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  So she told these girls to get into her car. She brought them back to her house.
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  She cooked them dinners. She took care of them. She did their laundry.
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  And she even gave them the last $20 she had. I mean, how incredibly kind is that?
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  She even promised the girls that she wasn't a serial killer.
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  And these young girls were very great house guests. They cleaned up after themselves.
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  They folded the sofa bed up every morning. They helped out around the apartment.
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  They were so polite that Adrienne felt comfortable leaving them alone while
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  she went on a church retreat.
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  But that's when the weird stuff started happening. A neighbor noticed they had
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  ordered pizza and two cases of White Claws through DoorDash.
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  Now, obviously, like, ordering alcohol through DoorDash isn't a crime,
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  but if someone tells you that they have no money, and then they suddenly have
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  enough money for delivery fees, and a 24-pack of white claws,
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  that's a little sketch, right? Like, these stories weren't adding up.
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  Then the entire situation unraveled because Adrian had sent one of the women
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  money through Cash App and a friend saw the name attached to the account, so they Googled it.
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  And that's when Adrian found out who these women really were.
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  They are two women wanted in
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  connection with the murder of one of their mothers, who was 67 years old.
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  These two women have both been charged with first-degree murder and both have pled not guilty.
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  So Adrienne obviously immediately calls the police, and both women were arrested
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  at her apartment with, like, no problem at all.
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  But after all of this, Adrienne explained that these women never gave her a bad vibe.
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  And so she was like, well, maybe I should get my vibe checked.
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  Like, yeah, maybe you should.
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  Okay, I don't know if you guys heard about what's going on with the lettuce,
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  but it's actually like a really big deal right now.
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  There's been a nationwide outbreak of psilopariasis, I hope I'm saying that
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  right, which is a parasitic illness that can cause some truly horrifying stomach problems.
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  And now everyone's asking, can I still eat lettuce or is my Caesar salad going to kill me?
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  The outbreak has sickened thousands of people, and it looks like it's all coming
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  from this iceberg lettuce from Taylor Farms out of Mexico.
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  The feds have traced cases back to shredded iceberg lettuce that was supplied
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  to Taco Bell locations in a bunch of different states, including but not limited
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  to Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and West Virginia.
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  So obviously, Taylor Farms recalled a lot of their lettuce, and that includes
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  shredded lettuce, chopped lettuce, salad mixes, and food service products that
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  went to restaurants, grocery stores, and other suppliers.
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  But also, that's when things got confusing. So the FDA announced that one lettuce
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  sample tested positive, but then later determined that result was actually a
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  false positive, you know, giving COVID vibes.
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  But don't just start eating the recalled lettuce yet, because the FDA says that
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  the false positive does not change the bigger investigation connecting Taylor
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  Farms lettuce to the outbreak.
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  So you don't need to swear off all vegetables right now. It's really about this
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  recalled iceberg lettuce and other products that could potentially be contaminated.
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  Other foods, including different types of produce, are not automatically unsafe.
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  But obviously right now, Americans are super nervous.
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  A lot of restaurants right now are feeling the impact of this.
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  Taco Bell just removed affected lettuce from its supply chain.
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  And a lot of people are just avoiding salads altogether. other.
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  I mean, it's a great excuse to. Why not?
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  For years, vaping has been marketed as the healthier alternative to smoking. You know that, right?
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  But then cigarettes got a makeover. They put on some fruity flavors,
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  added a sleek little device, and said, don't worry, we're not your parents' bad habit.
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  We're the fun, tech-savvy bad habit.
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  But there's a new study that suggests that vaping may not be the harmless little
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  cloud machine that everyone hopes that it is.
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  So there was this study done, and it found that young people who vape had worse
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  blood vessel function, reduced breathing efficiency, and lower exercise capacity
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  compared with people who had never smoked or vape.
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  So it turns out it's really obviously not that big of a difference if you're
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  going to vape or smoke a cigarette.
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  I mean, one thing that humans are really good at is taking something dangerous,
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  making it smell like watermelon, and convincing ourselves that it's all fine. and Lindsay Life.
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  I'm all over the board with boys right now. I have some texting me a play-by-play
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  of their lives that I literally could not care about, and then there's the other
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  ones who I've heard from in over a week, and I'm wondering if they remember
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  that I still exist or not.
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  There is literally, I swear to God, no in-between.
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  Here's a list of some of the weirdest things that i do i turn on the lights
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  when i leave a room sometimes yes on i play the sims a lot i have full-on conversations
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  with alexa and ask her what i should be wearing.
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  Also ask AI literally everything from how to text a guy back to what I should
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  be eating for dinner and everything else.
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  And I go on Uber Eats and start five different orders from restaurants before
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  actually ordering my dinner about 30 minutes later.
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  Cooking tip of the day. Throw everything you're cooking into the air fryer for
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  20 minutes at the same time.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, and nice Jewish by looking for a date,
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  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
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  Thanks so much for listening. Talk to you guys tomorrow.