Latest / Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes / Bestiemonies, Friendship Vows, and the Ceremony You Didn't Know You Needed with Jennifer Hobbs

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Bestiemonies, Friendship Vows, and the Ceremony You Didn't Know You Needed with Jennifer Hobbs · Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

• 0:00
  Podcast Intro/Outro: All right, gang. Here's to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn into family. Cheers. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I'm your host, Alex Alexander. Each week we talk about what is working(and what is not) in our friendships, community and connections. Have you ever wished you could sit down and have a conversation about what is really going on in your friendships? Well, you found your people. Join us as we dive into real life stories and explore new ways to approach these connections. Together, we're reimagining the rules of friendship
• 0:52
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: When was the last time you got deep with a friend about how much they really mean to you. I'm not talking about just saying like,"Hey, today was great," or "You mean a lot to me." I'm talking about getting into the nitty gritty, telling them the moments where they held you together, the things they did that you feel like completely
• 1:14
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having transitioned and deepened your friendships, the moments where you cannot imagine how you would have made it through without them, the deep stuff. That's what today's episode is about.
• 1:28
  Jennifer Hobbs: Jennifer Hobbs is the owner of Rhinestone Wedding Chapel in Nashville and the creator of Bestiemony, a trademarked friendship commitment ceremony that she literally invented because she was listening to wedding vows one day, and thought, "Wait, my best friends have been keeping every single one of these promises to me for years, so why haven't we said this out loud?" You see, Jennifer came here through a twisty path. She spent years as a CFO before leaving corporate America, moving to Nashville, buying this wedding chapel, on which she later says is now a sign from the universe. Now she spends her days surrounded by love, and she is on a mission to make sure that platonic love gets some of the attention too.
• 2:18
  Jennifer Hobbs: In this episode, we talk about why friendship is the one relationship that never gets celebrated the way it should.
• 2:26
  Jennifer Hobbs: What actually happens inside a Bestiemony ceremony? Why saying the thing out loud changes your friendship going forward forever, and why the idea might feel like a stretch, and what that really means. So let's dive into today's episode.
• 2:42
  Alex Alexander: Hi Jennifer, thank you so much for being here at Friendship IRL today. I'm so excited that you reached out with such a unique concept that truly I've never heard before.
• 2:55
  Alex Alexander: You are the first here, so thanks for being here.
• 3:01
  Alex Alexander: me.
• 3:01
  Alex Alexander: Why don't you tell me a little bit? We were just talking about how we both come from the wedding world.
• 3:08
  Alex Alexander: You're currently in the wedding world. I was in the wedding world, so we understand this world very well. But you weren't always in the wedding world. Can you tell me a little bit about deciding to purchase and run the Rhinestone Wedding Chapel.
• 3:22
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, so I've been in pretty much corporate America, comptroller, CFO for multiple companies, and I have been doing that since I was a kid, really, and so active in that world. And then we decided to during COVID to come visit my sister because we couldn't go to our normal place. We go to travel every year, so I came to Nashville. My sister had moved here, and so just got it in my head that I was going to move to Nashville. I had always wanted to do something with weddings. I don't know why. There's been a draw in my world of wanting to be in do weddings, and I actually have a hospitality degree from Cal Poly, which is a college in California, and so I have my degree, my bachelor's degree in it. So I always knew that I wanted to do something with it, but I veered off into business in a different way. So anyway, so when I moved here, I was like, I'm gonna buy a wedding chapel. I'm not gonna buy a wedding chapel. I'm gonna buy something, do something with weddings. And so I started looking for businesses, and I just happened to come across this chapel that this lady had been running, and she was selling it. And I was like,"Well, there's the sign, so I bought it, and I had to run it for a little while while I was having a house built. And then once that house was built, then moved out to Nashville and started running it. So I've been running it now for like five years. So I've got a pretty good handle on it now. I've been doing it for a little while,
• 4:50
  Alex Alexander: and now, like you were saying to me, you spend your days surrounded by love.
• 4:53
  Alex Alexander: You just married someone right before this call.
• 4:57
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yes, I did. That was my job today to go in and marry somebody, and I was just saying that it's such a nice place to be. You know, I used to be in a grind kind of environment where everything was about numbers, and everybody was upset, and it was sitting in board meetings and talking about aspects of things that just are not in a joyful way. And so now that I'm in this wedding business, every day is just a joy. You know, I love to hear people talk about their love story. I always ask, and you know, there people are always willing to give you the information. It's a beautiful day to be around somebody because typically it's their best day, right? So they're usually in a really good mood, and they're just open to discussion. They're in love, so it's a great job. I'll give it 10 out of 10, especially compared to what I used to be in. So, makes you feel that way too. It makes you feel in this euphoric state of being love all the time. You know that you're around it, so you know you can't help but be affected by it.
• 6:01
  Alex Alexander: I've talked about someday. I think it'd be really fun to be a wedding officiant. So I'm inspired. Like you're confirming what I had already thought as like a future fun retirement side gig for myself. Maybe
• 6:13
  Jennifer Hobbs: there you go.
• 6:13
  Jennifer Hobbs: Highly recommend it. Highly recommend
• 6:16
  Alex Alexander: it. Well, so we're here today. I mean, you obviously own a wedding venue.
• 6:20
  Alex Alexander: You do a lot with like romantic love, but we're going to talk about platonic love because you have a very unique, in my opinion, first to market. I have not seen this anywhere else.
• 6:33
  Alex Alexander: Concept called a Bestiemony.
• 6:39
  Jennifer Hobbs: That's right.
• 6:41
  Alex Alexander: Can you give us kind of the backstory on how the Bestiemony started?
• 6:46
  Jennifer Hobbs: So I own a wedding chapel in Nashville, obviously, and so every day I'm sitting down, whether I'm officiating or just doing coordinating, but I'm listening to vows. And you know, like I always just say, and I get very involved in people's stories, so I'm very alert and listening to things, and you know, every day you hear the same sort of repetitive things. People write their own vows or whatever. But my best friends were coming to see me. I had moved to Nashville, and they were coming to check on me. I have a set of four other best friends. We call ourselves the Hand. There's five of us, and so they were coming.
• 7:16
  Jennifer Hobbs: So I was thinking of things, you know, we can't get married, we can't do a vow, and you know, all these things that we can't do at my chapel. But I wanted to do something with them. So this idea, one day, I was just listening to vows, and it was like, I promise to love you, I promise to honor you, I promise to support you, I promise to be there. I, you know, in sickness and health, and I'm like, wait a minute! Those vows, as much as they pertain to a love romantic situation, that is the same thing that I have with my girlfriends, right? My best friends, like these are the things I promise to till death do us part. Is part of that, and it just clicked in my head. I'm like, we need to do a best friend ceremony. That is what we need to do when they come because we don't ever say these things to each other ever. It's like an unwritten rule, and nobody talks about it. And so that's where this Bestiemony thing came. Was these girls were coming, and and I wanted to do something at my chapel with them, but also just the realization that you know I didn't invent friendship. I didn't, but I really realized we don't celebrate it. We don't do anything with it. So that's sort of how this Bestiemony thing came about, and I knew it was a good idea because I trademarked it, and the minute I put it out, a lot of people in my little Nashville area have repeated it, so it's new. But it is also something that I think people are starting to pick up on, and I think they start to are starting to realize that it's really something that is we can't wait till their funerals to tell people what they mean to us. That especially these girls, you know, we're in the wedding business. I see a maid of honor come in, and she gets the girl ready. She fixes her veil. She makes sure her lipstick is good.
• 9:10
  Jennifer Hobbs: She gets her prep. She gives her a pep talk before she runs down the aisle, and she gets her down that aisle, and she gets her married. And you know, the celebration is all about that relationship, and she's just sort of in the background. She's the girl that got this bride down the aisle — not maybe figuratively that day, but in life. She's the one that's put her back together 100 times over and listened to every chapter that's happened in her life and sort of her sounding board, and here she is celebrating, and she doesn't expect to be celebrated because we don't celebrate her, right? We don't, yeah. We never give that relationship any ritual that we give everything else to. So that's kind of why you know I'm sitting here talking to you because I feel like it's a good time to start to do this.
• 10:02
  Alex Alexander: Well, and I'm thinking too. I mean, as a past wedding planner, the speeches moment. You do a lot of elopements, but when I was planning these big weddings, you have these speeches, right? And the thing that makes a maid of honor, matron of honor, best man speech good is that they talk about their friend's romantic partner, right? They like talk about this relationship, but you're right. Now I'm thinking about. I'm like, man, how sad that they've maybe spent decades with just their friend, like the bride in this example. And what speech are they
• 10:43
  Jennifer Hobbs: get? They don't.
• 10:43
  Jennifer Hobbs: You know,
• 10:45
  Alex Alexander: they maybe get a few line like you. You talk about how you love this person, you care about this person, but it's not a. You're right. It's not a celebration.
• 10:51
  Jennifer Hobbs: It's not, and we don't have
• 10:53
  Alex Alexander: that relationship.
• 10:54
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, and 1000s of things we do for these romantic relationships. So many celebrations that we do, and you know, I've talked about it previously. Is that what do we do with her? We tell her happy birthday. That's the day that we single her out specifically and say, "Man, happy birthday! I love you. You're the best." But we also share it with everybody else in her life. So it's not a day of celebration of just our relationship, it's still a celebration of somebody, but it's a nice time and it's a beautiful time to tell your best friend. You should always tell your best friends what they mean to you. But there still isn't a moment where we celebrate each other. We celebrate the journey we've been on, the things we've you know accomplished, the things that we've overcome in life, and so why? Why don't we?
• 11:44
  Alex Alexander: Yeah,
• 11:45
  Jennifer Hobbs: all I did was not recognize the idea. We don't have a celebration for them. We just don't. And I guess I'm making it my mission in life to bring this to light to perhaps encourage everybody that this is something that should be done, and we certainly do them in a formal manner, but you don't need to do it in a formal manner. Just do it, man. Tell her what she means to you, and really get in your feelings with it. Because you'd be surprised.
• 12:10
  Jennifer Hobbs: We do them at the chapel. We've done them. We filmed for them.
• 12:13
  Jennifer Hobbs: You'd be surprised how many tears these things will evoke because it's so powerful. It's such a powerful experience, and it should be done. These are not eulogies. These are today why you're here. Let me tell you why I love you and thank you.
• 13:42
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: So I actually recorded this episode with Jennifer a few weeks ago, and when we recorded the episode, she mentioned this thing about birthdays being the only time that we really celebrate with our friends, and it hit me. It landed so hard that I recorded an entire episode about birthdays. You can head to episode 188, Are Birthdays Doing Too Much Work In Our Friendships? Because here's
• 14:07
  the thing: if a birthday is the only day that we set aside to celebrate a friend, that is a lot of pressure to put on one day. And then, the more I think about it, as we get older, we can't even always make it to celebrate in person. So now we're surviving off a birthday text, a card, maybe a phone call if we're lucky. Meanwhile, think about every other relationship in your life. Romantic relationships get anniversaries, Valentine's Day, date nights.
• 14:33
  the thing: Families get holidays, reunions, milestones. But our friendships— they rarely get any shine at all, and that's a huge gap. One that it sounds like Jennifer is trying to close.
• 14:51
  Alex Alexander: I was thinking when you were saying that, right? There's like so many layers here. There's number one: just say the words out loud to your friend, write them, speak them into a voice note. They can save forever. Leave them in a voicemail. I don't care what it is. Right. Honestly, a few formats would be great. So I have them all. Right. And then the other thing is also just like the celebration piece, and I have seen some more talk out there of like celebrating your friendship anniversary or picking like a friendship birthday, so it's not either of your birthdays, but like one day, that's great, love that idea,
• 15:28
  Jennifer Hobbs: sure.
• 15:28
  Alex Alexander: But I do think there is something to be said about. I mean, the hope with a Bestiemony, if you're going to treat it like a wedding, is that you're like, I don't know, announcing it or sharing it or
• 15:43
  Jennifer Hobbs: declaring it.
• 15:44
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, you're like putting it outside of just the two of you. And when I think of you know like a friendship anniversary celebration and maybe having a fancy dinner or a picnic or a vacation you go on, that's all great, but it's just the two of you. That's a little different than like declaring it, like you were saying,
• 16:00
  Jennifer Hobbs: right? Yeah, and you know what's so interesting is when we were developing this.
• 16:02
  Jennifer Hobbs: Interestingly enough, my best friend. One of my best friends.
• 16:06
  Jennifer Hobbs: She has helped me with this. In fact, I give her credit as a co-creator because what better way to create a best friend ceremony than to do that with your best friend? To really just right off the bat, I'm not thinking of things. This is a collaboration between the two of us, two best friends. You know, saying these things and doing these things together, but the fact that we don't have that, and when we started developing this and we started talking to people, we would talk to husbands. You know, we we know our friends and their husbands, and she'd go to dinner, whatever. She's like, "Yeah, I'm working on this best friend thing." And interestingly enough, you would be amazed at the amount of interest we got from the men, and it wasn't because they had best friends.
• 16:48
  Jennifer Hobbs: It's because, and this is interesting, what an amazing idea and a thing to do for my wife and her best friend.
• 16:58
  Alex Alexander: How sweet,
• 17:00
  Jennifer Hobbs: yeah.
• 17:00
  Alex Alexander: But also, I love that men are showing the appreciation,
• 17:05
  Jennifer Hobbs: yeah, for
• 17:06
  Alex Alexander: the work this relationship does,
• 17:09
  Jennifer Hobbs: yeah.
• 17:10
  Alex Alexander: Not only for their wife, but also for their family, right? For their partnership. Like if she's better supported, that trickles down to everybody, as we know.
• 17:23
  Jennifer Hobbs: Absolutely, yeah. And she will hold. I'm the first to admit it that you know when my world gets rocky or whatever, I'm looking for my cell phone. I'm looking to get a hold of my friends. I'm looking for somebody to listen and hear what I have to say because a woman understands a woman's emotions much better than a man.
• 17:38
  Jennifer Hobbs: And my husband, bless his soul, he's interested in it, and then he gives me the solution, and then he doesn't want to hear about that anymore. So you know that's just not how we process.
• 17:49
  Jennifer Hobbs: So you know we talk about that a lot. Is that women need women because we understand the emotional side of ourselves and we understand that you know this thing needs to be talked about 30 or 40 times before we really put it away and do you know sight it. But women, that's what a good best friend is a support system for a husband because she's like, "I got you. I'm going to listen to it. You know, we'll get through it." So, kind of gets him off the hot seat of having to be the person that listens to this all the time and comes up with a solution because she doesn't really want a solution. She just wants to be heard, and that's women understand that about women.
• 18:24
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, and you know, I want my girls to, if even if I put it away, if I resurface it five years later,
• 18:31
  Jennifer Hobbs: oh yeah,
• 18:32
  Alex Alexander: I want them to lean in, and they do obviously whip those things out
• 18:36
  Jennifer Hobbs: of the closet from 40 years ago. We're like, let's talk about that, and you know we're all in. So again, it's just the way women's minds and emotions work. So you need them, and a good best friend is a really, it's a real good support system for a husband and that marriage because she's helping in that. Like these guys have been saying, is like, man, I'm going to do that for my wife and her best friend because they want to recognize that that relationship is important too.
• 19:01
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, I have this concept, and I'm not going to break it down fully here for you, but I have this roots of friendship framework, and one of the biggest components in it is I talk about this thing called story roots, which are like the beliefs about your friendship.
• 19:14
  Alex Alexander: And so when I heard about your idea, I'm like, wow, what a way to cement some beliefs, to have this like declaration that is public in whatever sense that you have like sat down and really thought about what you are committing to each other, and that's not to say that's not going to change or whatnot. But when you do that in a romantic relationship, you also generally, not always, but like sign a legal piece of paper.
• 19:50
  Jennifer Hobbs: Sure.
• 19:51
  Alex Alexander: So for a friendship, for a best friendship, you don't have the legal piece of paper or this declaration.
• 19:58
  Jennifer Hobbs: No.
• 19:59
  Alex Alexander: So your ceremony, like at least you get one,
• 20:02
  Jennifer Hobbs: right?
• 20:03
  Alex Alexander: That really makes you like love and appreciate and understand the commitments that you are making to each other.
• 20:12
  Jennifer Hobbs: I've done a Bestiemony. You know, we have a YouTube channel. We have some of them on there. If anybody's ever interested, Bestiemonies is our YouTube channel. But we had some women come to it. But I did it personally, so I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that it changes your relationship when you say these things to each other because it's things that we think the other one knows, and we do take for granted that they think that they know that we love them and that all the things that we've helped. And surely you recognize your importance in my life, but when you say it and you tell somebody something that's that deep and so rooted in love, and tell them what you really think about them. I mean, you can't imagine just what a powerful experience that is. And you know, I will always I have it on film. If I have a bad day and I want to hear how great I was, I can go back to that little video and listen to how great I what you know what I meant to her and how she feels about me and the vice versa that it's just this cemented little piece of video that sits on the internet now and you have to do it for me to really understand it and I can only tell you that it's super powerful, super powerful because it's never been said. Really, we've never really expressed it, and I had no idea some of the things that my best friend thought about me. I'm sure that's true on her side as well.
• 21:43
  Jennifer Hobbs: That it's a gift. It was a beautiful gift.
• 21:46
  Alex Alexander: Well, and since you've done it and you've obviously helped many, many other people and you've created this movement, can you talk me through a little bit? Like, what does a Bestiemony ceremony look like?
• 21:57
  Jennifer Hobbs: Sure.
• 21:57
  Alex Alexander: Like, do people walk down an aisle? Do people just show up at the front? Is there an officiant?
• 22:03
  Jennifer Hobbs: So we basically we do them at the chapel now, and it's a Bestiemony ceremony, and basically we bring the best friends in for whatever reason.
• 22:10
  Jennifer Hobbs: They all like to dress alike, which is super cute. They buy outfits for it, so they're you know they come as they would like to be do their ceremony in, and a lot of them coordinate, which is super fun. And then we usually start off. You know we have a whole area at the chapel where we have lots of photography spots, and I have one particularly a background with our besties, and we start out with photography and just kind of get them in the mood here. You know, we even have veils and bouquets if they want to take photos. Some do, some don't, but we kind of get them in the mood by just starting with fun photos and a photo shoot with them, and so because it's so new, and you know you've been in the wedding business, I'm in the wedding business.
• 22:53
  Jennifer Hobbs: It's a lot of nerves when you're anticipating something, and it's you know there's a lot of buildup, and you kind of, for me, I kind of want to take that down a notch, and I kind of want to settle it in a little bit.
• 23:01
  Jennifer Hobbs: Like let's not start with that.
• 23:04
  Jennifer Hobbs: Let's just start with some photos. You girls get together, and let's take some pictures, and you know what a fun thing to have. I have a photo shoot with my best friend. Who does that?
• 23:13
  Jennifer Hobbs: Hardly anybody. I mean, I know we take photos, but it's not not very many though.
• 23:18
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, not very many. And I've talked to photographers about that. Like, why aren't there best friend sessions that people do? But also, I think there's this thing out there where right we we see it on social media of like the closer you are, it's almost like you spend time together and you forget to take the photo. So I love this.
• 23:39
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, and you should. The less photos you have, it's like at the end, I with my best friends. Like at the end, we're like, we'll take our photo because we got to put it on social media so everybody could see that we were together, and that's the end of it. But this photo shoot starts it out.
• 23:51
  Jennifer Hobbs: We do it. We have fun. We have music going, and then we're like, okay. Are you girls ready?
• 23:55
  Jennifer Hobbs: You ready to do this? And then I actually built a little tiny chapel. It's a little Amish chapel with a little bell on top, and it looks like a little church. And so it's in the back of the property, and that's where we go. It's decorated. We go in. There's a couple chairs in the front. If there's more than two, then we bring extra chairs. We kind of let them sit up there, or we say you can stand. It's totally up to you.
• 24:18
  Jennifer Hobbs: But I have them send me an entire background on their friendship, and so I write a little ceremony, just like you would in a wedding, where you talk about how they met, how they fell in love, or whatever.
• 24:34
  Jennifer Hobbs: This is on the same level, but it's about the two of them and their friendship and the things that brought them together and what they've stood by each other. Usually, one of them writes it for me, and I can grab enough of it off of it to create a story for the two of them, and so once that's sort of been said, then we say you guys wrote some stuff to each other, so share that with each other. And just like in a marriage, in a wedding, they do. They write these vows to each other, these commitment, this testimony of their friendship about what they've done with each other, how they've changed each other's lives, how they couldn't have survived. I mean, get in that room. That room is just you know. And so then we stand up, you know, we do a pinky promise, and then we declare them besties for life, and then they hug and kiss. Sometimes you know, depends. There, it's an emotional experience, and then we take some more pictures of them. We we kind of finish it out that way. We're like, okay, well, let's go outside. You guys got your photos and take some photos inside of them doing that, and then that's kind of it. That's what we do at the chapel, and we have done filming, which is a whole other thing. Which is where I really want to take Bestiemonies. I want to take Bestiemonies on the road. I want to go city to city, major cities, and have best friends come because what I really want to do is share the whole story. I hear it. I want to share that with other people.
• 26:00
  Jennifer Hobbs: I want other people to hear these things, and and I don't know, you know how that can be done unless we video it. So really, my next plan is to go from city to city and take this and have a girls' weekend, right? A besties weekend, like advertise besties weekend. We're taking you know five to 10 sets of best friends. You're coming.
• 26:23
  Jennifer Hobbs: We're gonna have a mixer. We're gonna get together the next day, we're going to sit down. We're going to let the besties do what we did at the original Bestiemony filming, which is tell us your backstory, tell us about this friendship, and then have dinner, have some photo shoots, have her hair and makeup done, like do girl stuff. And then final day on the next day, the Sunday, is we all sit down and just listen to them do their testimony to each other because you do find that when you hear other people say these things, and we were all in a room when we did together the Bestiemonies, which I thought was powerful, is that you just can't help but just feel so much love. I mean, you forget to say things, and then I'd look at my best friend, and the next group would go, and I'd be like over to like point at her.
• 27:10
  Jennifer Hobbs: I'm like, that's us too. We do that, you know what I mean?
• 27:12
  Jennifer Hobbs: Because you forget. But man, what a beautiful experience that was. I mean, my goal is to bring that to other places so people can do it. You know, everybody can't come to Nashville, and I totally get it. And so I'm going to take it on the road and do it in the cities. Find these best friends and what the path is.
• 27:32
  Alex Alexander: Well, I said if you come to Seattle,
• 27:34
  Jennifer Hobbs: I know
• 27:35
  Alex Alexander: you know you got to let me know.
• 27:36
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, absolutely. I'm in Nashville, so it's going to take me some time to get over that way. But I'm coming because it's my golden life. It's really impacted me heavily, and I have such a strong feeling about it that it's something that I need to do. So I'm going to do it.
• 27:55
  Jennifer Hobbs: That's just who I am.
• 27:57
  Alex Alexander: I love that, and I think it's needed. I think more people need to be saying these things out loud to their friends.
• 28:04
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, like I said, don't wait till the eulogy. I just did a thing about one of my friends, and it's like I'm going to send it to her, and because I don't want to wait till the end, I want them to know while they're alive what the impact they've had on my life. Because I am here because of it, I sit here today because some of the support that I've had from them, I wouldn't have made it through some stuff. So I need to tell them, and I'm going to.
• 28:29
  Alex Alexander: Most of the people who do the Bestiemonies — do they bring witnesses, spectators? Do they come alone?
• 28:36
  Alex Alexander: Do they share widely? I'm just curious. Like again, in my mind, the goal maybe we may not be there yet, but the goal would be that that this is like a some sort of a public declaration of whatever extent, and I'll give an example of that because people might be like, "Wait, what?" I talk about in the podcast all the time that my chosen family is really powerful for me. It's very important to my life, and so there are a lot of ways that I like subtly declare that. For example, certain friends like I will just straight up call them my brother, and when people are like, "Oh, wait, I didn't realize you guys were related," I'm like, "Oh, we're not," or I'll call them my nieces or nephews, and people will be like, "Oh, I didn't realize your siblings had kids." I'm like,"They don't." I don't qualify it anymore.
• 29:26
  Jennifer Hobbs: Sure, that's how you feel.
• 29:28
  Alex Alexander: To me, there is no difference between a biological or like legally through my husband's side of the family related niece and nephew, and the ones that we are choosing. Like I hope that I choose them all, and really put that energy and effort in, and I'm not just leaning on this thing. So, because of that, I just kind of subtly declare it everywhere.
• 29:51
  Jennifer Hobbs: Good. So
• 29:53
  Alex Alexander: that has me wondering: like, are other people declaring this in some way? That was why I was asking about the witnesses and things.
• 30:01
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah. So typically, the when they come for the best friends, because we're in Nashville, we are a destination, and particularly for girls, girls' weekends, because I don't know the music or whatever. I know a lot of boys go to Vegas for their or bachelorette parties or whatever. We're the capital for the bachelorette parties.
• 30:18
  Jennifer Hobbs: Nashville is so they are there in groups, and so the ones that we do are generally a little bit older, and they have had some scars and battle wounds, and so they come and do them. And so typically, it's the two of them.
• 30:30
  Jennifer Hobbs: Sometimes it's their spouses.
• 30:34
  Jennifer Hobbs: You know, we've had somebody come and they've brought their spouses, and this was their Christmas gift. They got it from each other. They got each other this or whatever. So we see a range of it. Sometimes there's just the two of them. Sometimes, most of the time, there is some spectators that come too.
• 30:49
  Jennifer Hobbs: They're with them on that trip or whatever, so they come too.
• 30:52
  Jennifer Hobbs: So they watch and witness, and everybody gets just wrapped up into it. I mean, I can't. The husbands themselves are like, you know, kind of wiping their eyes afterwards because they're you know they've listened to that and and they're like, I didn't cry. I'm like, no, I didn't see anything, but you know, because they're just like, even they recognize it, you know, like, man, that's an important relationship. So they come, they bring people sometimes. Sometimes it's just the two of them. Most of the time, there's some spectators, and they sit and listen to it, and they get involved in it as well. So it just depends. And and what I like about the filming one, which again, this is the one that I'm really am pushing because this is the one that really I feel is what I am called to do here. Is then it's on film and then it's shared, and the ones that we've done already, these women have shared on their social medias or whatever. You know, here's our story, here's our backstory, and and the comments because a lot of times we're getting tagged on these things. The comments that come behind it is like, oh my god, I've never seen anything like that. Well, because we don't do it, right? So that's part of it. But like, I got to do that with my bestie. Like, oh my god, what a beautiful thing! And I didn't know anything about that. I didn't realize you guys were friends. You know, it's like a backstory for the world to hear. Even the people that we are close to don't really know, right? There's a lot of history that we don't know, and a lot of battles that we've been in with each other that we've gotten through, or you know, not battles with each other, but battles that life that we've been that we've stood by each other and what we've we've done, and it opens the hearts of so many people because when they start listening to it and they go my god I had no idea that you guys went through that or whatever like it's really just like a a snapshot a little story in the world that people can hear and be inspired by and also really get into your feelings you know I say I'm around love all the time and you can't help but be in a love position. When you watch these videos, you can't help but feel the love, and you can't watch a wedding every day. Why does everybody cry at a wedding? Because there's a power of love around you that you can't explain that you haven't. You don't feel all the time, right? You're like you get caught up in it. Well, you get caught up in the Bestiemony thing too. So that's that's my goal to bring it to the world, and you can go watch them. You can go get inspired. You can you know sit down and write a letter afterwards and be like, "Dear Bestie, man, I've got to tell you some stuff." So that's really what it's for.
• 33:18
  Alex Alexander: We will link your YouTube in the show notes.
• 33:20
  Alex Alexander: Obviously, like
• 33:21
  Jennifer Hobbs: thank you.
• 33:22
  Alex Alexander: We got to make sure people can go and
• 33:24
  Jennifer Hobbs: yeah
• 33:24
  Alex Alexander: see watch them with their own eyes the power.
• 33:27
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, but watch it. You'll see it.
• 33:29
  Alex Alexander: When you did this with your besties, do you feel like anything has changed afterwards?
• 33:35
  Jennifer Hobbs: Oh, definitely.
• 33:35
  Jennifer Hobbs: I think that the one bestie that helps me with all my stuff. The other besties they live on the West Coast as well, so they can't come for everything. So she came and we did it together, and because we've said it now, you know we've said it. It's in there. It's in the world. It can't be revoked. You can't take it back. We've got it on film.
• 33:55
  Jennifer Hobbs: Everybody can watch it. We can watch it, and it's like a a moment of just realizing too what an impact you had on somebody's life because you don't really get that feedback that often, you get a lot of impact on how you are in my life, and I know what you mean to me. But to hear it back is so powerful because we don't really know. We don't. We think we know. We think we've said it. We think they all realize it. I love you. I love you. This is deeper than I love you. This is I love you because this is a you did this for me, and it's powerful, man. That's all I can say. It's just should be done.
• 34:37
  Jennifer Hobbs: It should be done because I don't imagine that we get any other time to do that unless we're at a eulogy, unless we're at the end of something, and give the gift ahead of time. Let them feel that.
• 34:50
  Alex Alexander: Well, and in my mind, I'm like, if you did that now, and you had decades and decades of life left,
• 34:57
  Jennifer Hobbs: yeah.
• 34:58
  Alex Alexander: How does that change your friendship versus waiting for the eulogy? When let's say every time you showed up, you could have showed up a little bit more aware of how impactful that is
• 35:10
  Jennifer Hobbs: Right?
• 35:11
  Alex Alexander: how meaningful it is to your friend every time you miss a call and then get mad at yourself because you haven't called them back, and you're like, "Oh, they're going to be mad at me. What if you just knew they didn't care because they want to hear from you, and you would just probably call them back sooner because you're not in your head about it because you have this like evidence from their declarations that would maybe make you act differently or see actions differently, and then that compounds over however many 23456, decades,
• 35:49
  Jennifer Hobbs: right? Yeah.
• 35:51
  Alex Alexander: What a crazy change in your friendship that could be,
• 35:54
  Jennifer Hobbs: right? Once you know what your effect is on somebody, once you understand that, once you realize that you're keeping these people's heads above water, and you don't even because it's just called friendship, and you have no idea that you're doing this. I mean, then you just build on that, right? Then you just the sky's the limit. Now, now we've said it. We know. Like, if she needs me, I'm heading. Like, I'm out.
• 36:18
  Jennifer Hobbs: Like, this which this girl needs from me. Like, I know what you need from me more because I've heard what it means to you, and I know my place in your life so much better than I did before.
• 36:31
  Alex Alexander: How beautiful! I'm so inspired by all of this.
• 36:37
  Alex Alexander: I feel like I communicate to my friends a lot in snippets, but I think what I'm taking away personally from this is, I don't know, like whether I do a Bestiemony or take just some of my closest people, and I'm like, hey, I want to take you out to dinner. I really want us to like say the things to each other,
• 36:57
  Jennifer Hobbs: right? Right.
• 36:58
  Alex Alexander: Like I want like you spend some time, I'll spend some time. Let's write out a whole like what is everything we wish we could say in the eulogy, say now,
• 37:09
  Jennifer Hobbs: right? Do them early. Let me give you my flowers now. I'm giving you the flowers now, and I'm not waiting because what good is it when they're gone? What good is it to declare such a love that is no longer theirs? It's there. It's never going to go anywhere. But to declare it while they're alive, and then to let somebody feel that love in a way that they've never again. I cannot explain it enough, except that you have to have done it as to say that these things happen and to go. I thought I knew everything about everything that we've ever done in our lives, and I know everything, and I had no idea that I was that impactful in your life, really.
• 37:51
  Jennifer Hobbs: That's really what you're telling each other how much you impacted my life. And thank you.
• 37:57
  Alex Alexander: Okay, well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this.
• 38:00
  Jennifer Hobbs: Good.
• 38:01
  Alex Alexander: I'm gonna get some friends together. I don't know. Maybe somebody wants to come to Nashville with me.
• 38:05
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah, there you go. Come see us. Or you know, I always encourage people put a camera, put an iPad up, and talk to each other, and then record it and share it if you want to.
• 38:17
  Jennifer Hobbs: We'll put it on our YouTube. I'm happy to share any best friend story, and you know, let's make a movement. Let's you and I starting today make a movement, Alex, that we're gonna help women come to terms with this, and it's awkward because it's not normal. And when it's not normal, it can be awkward, and it's like finding a space, the white space where nothing is going on. That's what I found, and I, I just realized we don't do it, and then I filmed it because of the idea that it's new, and because it's like, how does that feel, and what does that mean? And I'm not used to that. I'm used to this wedding where two people are together, and so we have to start. Right, we have to start. We started.
• 38:59
  Jennifer Hobbs: I've got it on film. It's on.
• 39:02
  Jennifer Hobbs: There's six or seven stories on there. You can certainly watch any of them. They're all going to be impactful, and you do it, and I keep doing it, and I'll move around, and I'll tell people, and we'll get it unweird, right? We'll stop making it weird, and we'll start just being like, "Yeah, I'm going to go. We have this is my best friend, and I'm going to tell her all day long that she's the best person in the world because you should, you should, we should do this. This is a very important relationship, and particularly for women. And it's time to change the narrative.
• 39:31
  Jennifer Hobbs: It's time to open the doors and be like, it's okay. Tell them you should tell.
• 39:38
  Alex Alexander: I mean, the good news is you're in the right spot because we talk about all sorts of outside the box ideas here at Friendship IRL. I just think that you know, kind of my core thesis, I'll I'll tell you is that a lot of the friendship advice out there is kind of doing the same things that we've always done, and just like be better at doing those things.
• 40:03
  Alex Alexander: And when I look at it, I'm like, isn't that the definition of insanity? Like so many people are out here lonely. So many people are out here questioning relationships that have held them up for decades. And so, in my mind, it's like, why are we continuing then to just try and do certain things better? Like that's not giving you what you need, obviously. So we gotta try the outside the box things.
• 40:32
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I'm gonna be honest with you. When I think about doing a Bestiemony myself, it feels like a little bit of a stretch. And if I really stop and think about why that is, then I'm like confused because a Bestiemony is really just a declaration about some of the most important people in my life, friends who have been there through the hard stuff, friends I want to know how much I care about them, friends I would love to know what impact I've made in their life. So why does a ceremony like this feel uncomfortable? I really want us to sit with that. How often are we not pushing outside our comfort zones in our friendships simply because it's not normal, or because we've never done it before? For most people, friendship is already the relationship we're least likely to prioritize, so we're even less likely to stretch outside our comfort zones for it, right?
• 41:27
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I've said before that taking risks is honestly why I think I have the friendships I have today. Being desperate made me willing to try things to risk embarrassment, to put myself out there in ways I maybe wouldn't have otherwise. Now, if you're like, "What are you talking about, Alex?" You can head to Episode 19, The One for Little Alex, where I talk about my backstory and a lot of the risks I've taken and why. I guess in summary, a Bestiemony isn't for everyone. No single idea is right for every person. That is true across anything I talk about on Friendship IRL or anywhere else in my work. My goal is just to crowdsource as many ideas as I possibly can, and then we can all decide what's individually worth it for us in our friendships. But I do think that it is worth asking ourselves: Is something like a Bestiemony or anything else that makes you feel a little uncomfortable not right for you?
• 42:26
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Because it is genuinely something that doesn't feel right in your gut, or does it just make you a little uncomfortable because it's outside your comfort zone?
• 42:37
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Because that's a different answer. That's one where maybe it's worth pushing in some way, shape, or form. I just think it's an answer worth knowing.
• 42:49
  Alex Alexander: We got to do something different than what we've always done, because what we're doing has left us in a loneliness epidemic. Quite frankly, so what do we have to lose?
• 43:02
  Jennifer Hobbs: Right, and again, what a powerful place for somebody who hasn't got any friends, and and I watch a lot of this. I'm on a lot of friend things because I do this, and I'm on a lot of, you know, stuff on the internet. And there's a lot of people like, well, I don't have any friends. You know, I got married and I lost all my friends because I got married, and I've lived my life, and now I'm getting divorced.
• 43:22
  Jennifer Hobbs: And then it's like, okay, well, let me give you some stories of people that are because they're like, well, I don't like girls.
• 43:28
  Jennifer Hobbs: You know, there's a lot of narratives out there that are the same thing over and over again. The girls are mean. Da da da. Not all girls are mean. Some girls are mean. Not all girls are mean. There's a lot of really good friends, and and how do you find a best friend? And what does that look like? And how does that sound? You want a story of some really good best friends? Go to the YouTube channel, watch them, and you'll be inspired because these are women that stuck around and held each other up, and these are really truly best friends. They didn't come because they were kind of friends. They came because they're best friends.
• 43:55
  Jennifer Hobbs: They want to tell us their story. And so, if you want to be a friend and you don't know how to be a friend or you don't understand what that looks like, go watch these. Go see it. Go listen to a couple best friends tell you the story of their friendship and see how you fit into that. And are you really being a good friend? Because they'll tell you what they've done for each other. Are you?
• 44:18
  Jennifer Hobbs: Would you do that? Is that something that you are aspiring to do? You don't know how to be a friend? Here's some really good friends. These are some good guidelines of how women can be there for each other and what we can do to help each other.
• 44:31
  Jennifer Hobbs: So, not only is it for us that our best friends, it should be helpful to anybody that's just trying to be a better friend or doesn't have any friends and is trying to figure out what that means because it's not built in for everybody. I mean, I think I'm a person that was around best friends. I've had the bestest friends. I have really good best friend stories because I am a good friend, and I'm sure that's true with you, Alex. Is that the reason that you have good friends is because you are a good friend, and we learned it, Jan. Probably. I mean, I learned it. I had family that wasn't a nuclear family, and it was all over the place, and I leaned heavily on my friends, and so my story is not new. It's not odd. It's just I leaned really close into my friends, and and so I've learned to be a really good friend, and I have really good friends. But not everybody has that ability to learn it. So you know, let's teach. Let's give you some real life experience here about how this looks and get inspired. You know, start figuring it out, and you might pick better friends too if you just listen to some of it because you could realize that maybe the people you're friends with are not necessarily the best for you either, and that I need a friend like that.
• 45:42
  Jennifer Hobbs: If us girls could get our stuff together and come together on things, man. We can change the world because we're a powerful source, and so let's try to help. Let's try to give them some inspiration here, and you know, make this pitted girl thing a thing of the past. And like we're bonded. It's a female thing. We're all going to cheer each other on. So hopefully that happens someday. That
• 46:05
  Alex Alexander: is an amazing.
• 46:05
  Alex Alexander: Out and I hope some people do go because I think you're right.
• 46:08
  Alex Alexander: There's so many great examples in there, and you know we need stories of what's happening inside these friendships, and that's what you're capturing.
• 46:17
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, how amazing!
• 46:19
  Jennifer Hobbs: Yeah.
• 46:19
  Alex Alexander: So if someone is listening right now and they are thinking, "I want to do this," we've kind of sprinkled ideas throughout the episode, but if we could just kind of summarize what you would tell people that are like, "I want a Bestiemony." What are their first steps?
• 46:37
  Jennifer Hobbs: So, if they want to do it formally, certainly we have a website. We're a wedding travel. We have it on there. You certainly can come to us if you want to do it personally. You don't want to come and you want to just celebrate your best friend? I would get a pen and a paper out, and I would just list five things. Start with five things because you can you'd be amazed at how fast what in my life? How have you impacted my life? And list out the things that really have impacted you, the stories that you remember that have impacted your life with them, and once you have some basis of some sort of writing about what they've done, then get into your feelings, man, and just write them a love letter, and just say, "Man, you have no idea what you mean. So always get to crying. Sorry, what you've done for my life.
• 47:29
  Jennifer Hobbs: So, you know, write a love letter to them, and if you want a formal way, come to us. You'll tell me your friendship story. I will tell you about it. I will tell you how you love each other because I can grab that out of a story that you tell me, and then you can say it to each other, and we'll declare you best friends for life. It's all we can do, and then you'll have those memories and those photos.
• 47:54
  Jennifer Hobbs: But spend some time at it. Just write a letter, man. Just start with that and see how that goes.
• 47:58
  Jennifer Hobbs: And if you really feel like this thing needs to be on film and this thing needs to be documented, then come see me because I can do all those things for you. I'm also coming out to cities, so pay attention to that because once we pick a city, then we'll start asking.
• 48:14
  Jennifer Hobbs: We'll start getting into the influencers and asking for people to come. Because one thing we didn't touch on yet is that I did do that for the Nashville calling when we did the original Bestiemony, and I just called it a best friend docu series because I had trademarked my Bestiemony. It wasn't finished yet, so I didn't want to put it out in the world.
• 48:33
  Jennifer Hobbs: And I also knew everybody was going to copy it, so I just called it a docu series for best friends. I had it. I put it out.
• 48:40
  Jennifer Hobbs: I had dinner with somebody that, or a drink with somebody that I had wanted to do it that I knew here, and so I went to go have a meeting with her, and immediately seven or eight people responded. I responded to them, and I put my phone down, and of course, gave my attention to the person that I was having it with. And my phone blew up.
• 48:54
  Jennifer Hobbs: It went viral. It was crazy. I mean, so many people, and it just to the point it overwhelmed me. And the people that actually came and did the Bestiemony, or really the people that I responded to before it blew up, because it just got to be. I can't tell everybody's story. I mean, I'm a person that wants to tell everything. You want to, you know, tell a love story, inspire some people to feel love. I'll buy in on it, but I can't put that many films out.
• 49:23
  Jennifer Hobbs: That you know, I don't have the time, and I don't have the money for that. So, you know, I felt bad about it, but there's so many stories out there, and people want to tell them. So that's the next plan. The next plan is to go from a city to a city, and probably Savannah will be our first city that we'll do it in, and we'll go there and and we'll broadcast it and let people come. And it's a girls' weekend about celebrating, and it's also tell your stories, let other people hear.
• 49:49
  Alex Alexander: Well, I hope everybody keeps an eye out if they want to join. What a beautiful movement you're starting, Jennifer! I'm so grateful that you were here today and that we got to talk about this. And I can't wait to hear from anybody who's listening if you do this, if you record it, if you got any snippets. Jennifer and I want to hear them. Send us whatever you want to send us from your Bestiemony or your like very intentional friend date night where you make some vows or commitments or whatever level you want to share declarations,
• 50:23
  Jennifer Hobbs: testimonies.
• 50:23
  Jennifer Hobbs: That's what we call Bestiemonies. A testimony, and you know, tell your friend, but share it with us because I'm grabbing Alex and I'm asking her to help me, and and we will spread it around because love should be spread and send it to us because we will influence other people, even if it's just after. Tell us how you feel, yes, that will inspire others.
• 50:46
  Alex Alexander: Thanks again, Jennifer. This is amazing.
• 50:49
  Jennifer Hobbs: You're welcome.
• 50:49
  Jennifer Hobbs: Thank you for having me.
• 50:51
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Would I love for everyone to hop on a fun flight girls' weekend to Nashville and find that cute little chapel and make declarations to their best friends? Sure, that really sounds like it actually might change the world. Like. Might have better friendships. Like people might feel more connected and have stronger story roots, because I honestly think that Jennifer is doing something that really matters. She has built a space where friendship gets treated the way that it deserves, where the women who show up for you through every hard thing that came before the altar, the ones who have had your back 100 times as life has changed, good and bad things have happened. You go in that chapel and you say the thing out loud, and you hear it back. So, if this feels like the right thing to you, go check out the Bestiemonies YouTube channel. Watch a couple of these stories, see what people are saying to each other, and who knows? Even if it doesn't feel like something you never want to do, maybe you'll hear some stories that really impact you and change the way you show up in your friendships. Who knows? Maybe you'll watch the videos and you will book the trip to Nashville. Probably a girls' trip, but honestly, maybe it's a guy's trip. I would genuinely love to be the one who encourages a couple guys to go down there and make a declaration about their platonic friendship and the impact they've had. That would honestly make my entire year. So please do that if that's you. But if Nashville isn't in the cards for you right now, here's what I want you to take from this episode: you can make a commitment like this, make a declaration, right in your own backyard, or at a local spot that you love, or travel back somewhere that has meaning to you and your friend. You can read vows to each other. You can share a list of five ways you've impacted each other's lives. You can write letters and just mail them to each other. There are so many ways and levels to make a declaration like this. So whatever feels right to you, I want to encourage you to do it. Make a commitment to a friend because you've probably already made it quietly in your head and your heart. So just speak it out loud, and then watch what that does to your friendship. Head to the show notes for the links to Jennifer's YouTube, her Instagram, and the Bestiemony website. And with that, I'll see you next week.
• 53:19
  Podcast Intro/Outro: Thank you for listening to this episode of Friendship IRL. I am so honored to have these conversations with you, but don't let the chat die here. Send me a voice message. I created a special website just to chat with you. You can find it at alex alex dot chat. You can also find me on Instagram.
• 53:40
  Podcast Intro/Outro: My handle at it's Alex Alexander, or go ahead and leave a review wherever you prefer to listen to podcasts. Now, if you want to take this conversation a step further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting, and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary goodbye. I'll be back with a new episode next week.