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Solocast: Staying Sane in the Era of Social Media · Lean Out Podcast

• 0:01
  Welcome to the lean out podcast.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:04
  Don baker.
• 0:05
  Are you looking for a new approach to finding authentic and sustainable work-life balance?
• 0:10
  You've come to the right.
• 0:11
  Place.
• 0:11
  For inspiration.
• 0:12
  information.
• 0:13
  and a community.
• 0:14
  community.
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  of like-minded.
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  Professionals.
• 0:16
  Let's get to the show.
• 0:19
  Hello?
• 0:19
  Hello.
• 0:19
  Thanks for being here.
• 0:21
  And today's solo cast episode.
• 0:22
  I wanted to talk all about social media and what it has to do with leaning out and a lean out journey.
• 0:30
  I recently prepared and delivered a talk on this subject at a very large medical conference called the white coat investor conference, which was held in Orlando, Florida.
• 0:41
  And I thought I would pass along all of the information that I learned.
• 0:46
  But before we do that.
• 0:48
  If you've read the book lean out, could you please press pause on this episode and go take five minutes to write a little review for me on Amazon.
• 0:56
  This book is now in more than 1000 people's hands and years.
• 1:01
  And yet, somehow at the time of this recording, only 10 people have left a review on Amazon.
• 1:06
  That is embarrassing.
• 1:08
  It would really mean a lot to boost the book's visibility.
• 1:11
  If you could say something about it, even if it's critical.
• 1:15
  Thank you so much.
• 1:17
  Back to talking about social media.
• 1:20
  I had a lot of people attend my talk at the conference, but even more people approached me at random times during the conference to pick my brain, tell me stories and share their thoughts on living and parenting in this era of social media.
• 1:35
  Given their interest.
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  I'm sure many of you are interested too.
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  So let's get started.
• 1:42
  First off.
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  Why is social media something we need to talk about?
• 1:45
  Why as a person in the wellness and work-life balance space, am I concerned about it to the point where I would want to give a talk on it at a physician wellness conference.
• 1:56
  Let's face it.
• 1:57
  Social media is amazing.
• 1:59
  Without social media, I would not have met.
• 2:01
  My book, beta readers.
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  I would not have connected with organizations where I've given talks and workshops.
• 2:09
  Met new friends from all over the world.
• 2:11
  Not to mention, just keep in touch with old friends and family members that live far away.
• 2:16
  We now have more information at our fingertips in any given day, then people way back when encountered in their entire lifetimes.
• 2:25
  We can quickly exchange information about health and safety in emergencies and we can reach a wide audience with our messages, kind of like how I've done with my message in lean out.
• 2:37
  The dark side of social media though starts with the fact that constant connectivity online leads to decreased interactions with humans in real life.
• 2:47
  We are hardwired for face-to-face contact and close communities, but our interactions on social media are commonly superficial.
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  Words without context are misinterpreted.
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  And then there's the fact that vitriol cancel culture, call-out culture or whatever you want to call it.
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  The types of rants that you see on social media are really what get the most attention.
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  Modern algorithms perpetuate this and they have changed the nature of our open discourse forever.
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  Algorithms are also engineered to get us addicted, to scrolling social media, the companies call it keeping eyeballs on.
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  I mean, there are departments of engineers sitting in cubicles getting paid six figures, whose job is to work on this algorithm.
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  It is that powerful.
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  Another aspect of social media with respect to work-life balances that it takes our time away from other life enhancing and renewing activities that we care about.
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  Rest sleep exercise.
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  Spending time with friends and family.
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  And maybe some other things that are on your list of must do's in your work-life balance.
• 3:59
  To be honest, it can take away from our work time to making us more distracted and less productive.
• 4:07
  Social media is a tool that if wielded incorrectly can easily become a weapon.
• 4:13
  I have an eight year old daughter who someday soon, we'll be asking for a smartphone and social media accounts.
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  I have my own qualms about the always on nature of social media and my comparisons with other people in the wellness space and trying to reach an audience using an algorithm.
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  I don't understand.
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  And can't control.
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  I struggle with comparing myself to my peers.
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  On social media.
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  So that is why I wanted to learn more about it and find out a way to develop my own best practices.
• 4:44
  So let's go a little bit deeper into the addiction aspect because I want to share two really great books that I recommend on the topic of social media and the dangers of social media.
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  One of them is called the scarcity loop by Michael Easter.
• 5:01
  And the other one is called dopamine nation.
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  Bye Ana.
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  I will link to these and any other resources I mentioned in the show notes.
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  So the scarcity loop is a phenomenon where three elements need to be in place.
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  And when they are in place.
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  And overused.
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  It can commonly lead to addiction is something that is very hard to moderate.
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  So those three elements are.
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  Opportunity.
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  Variable reward schedule and quick repeatability.
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  So think of a slot machine, as an example, you have an opportunity to gain money.
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  You have a variable reward schedule in the sense that the slot machine does not pay out on any sort of set schedule.
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  It's variable.
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  And that is, uh, a really key component to this.
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  And then quick repeatability, because all you have to do is put in another.
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  Quarter or dollar or whatever it is nowadays and pull the lever or even push a button.
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  So social media also fits this loop.
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  So do certain dating apps.
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  So do certain food products like hyper palatable, ultra processed foods.
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  Once you see this loop, it's really hard to unsee it.
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  Technologies like these have evolved faster than our brains have evolved.
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  And in our modern world of abundance, there are so many.
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  Hits of dopamine now.
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  That are available to us, including with social media.
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  now our internal production of dopamine.
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  Is depleted.
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  So, what does this look like?
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  We have a general as a population, state of dissatisfaction and kind of blahs.
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  We're always seeking to upgrade and get the next best thing.
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  But at the ends of the spectrum, this can also manifest in depression and anxiety.
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  There are numerous studies that point to links between social media usage and mental health disorders.
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  Some are very robust and others are not, there is an exhaustive list.
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  If you happen to like to take deep dives, you can search for this list.
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  It is a Google doc.
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  Headed by two psychology professors, Jonathan height and Jean twingy and it lists all the current papers out there related to social media and mental health.
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  So check that out.
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  If you like to go into the weeds of research.
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  Nevertheless, there is a signal, particularly with kids of the tween and teenage depression, anxiety, suicide, and self-harm rates have increased since the year of the first iPhone.
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  And when teens are surveyed about their usage, they admit that it actually causes them mental harm.
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  No technology that has previously been introduced.
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  And has had associated worry with it such as the introduction of television, rock music, video games, the internet.
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  None of them has had a primary user group actually agree that it is a problem.
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  So this is new territory.
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  Well, what can we do about social media?
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  How can we co-exist with it?
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  You may choose not to participate.
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  You may opt out.
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  And that is a leaning out in itself because you're going against what a lot of people are doing.
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  But like COVID social media is endemic.
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  It is here to stay and it will cross through your life in some way, if it is not, you, it's going to be a loved one or a child that is navigating how to come up with a way to manage social media in their lives.
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  So we need to develop ways that we can use the technology and not go insane in the process.
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  Are you or anyone in your household having trouble right now?
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  Moderating your social media usage.
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  If so a great way to reset is to undergo a period of abstinence.
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  In the book, dopamine nation, Dr.
• 9:08
  Anna Lemke.
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  Ki insist that a period of abstinence is imperative for those who are showing addictive symptoms.
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  And it doesn't matter if it is.
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  Alcohol drugs, social media, or any other addictive substance.
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  Three to four weeks is ideal for preventing relapse, which may still occur.
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  But depending on the severity of your problem, you could consider doing a shorter period of abstinence.
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  And I would recommend.
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  That you do it as an entire family and everyone do it together.
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  So maybe you consider doing a one week period.
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  Where you.
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  Are absent from social media, you delete all of the apps on your phones.
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  During your time off.
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  I consider filling the time.
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  That you were spending on social media and you can look up the data is on your phone.
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  About how many hours you spent on social media each day.
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  Consider filling that time with another task that you've really been wanting to add to your life or something that you've been missing out on.
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  Do you.
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  Feel like you don't get enough exercise.
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  Maybe you work in a daily walk.
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  Have you been wanting to learn how to cook?
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  Take a cooking class, create a new dinner each night by watching a YouTube tutorial.
• 10:25
  Have you felt that your life has taken a turn toward being boring?
• 10:29
  We'll then take a new class and learn a new skill.
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  And while you're taking this time off, reflect on how you feel.
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  If you need to write it down in a journal.
• 10:39
  In the beginning, it's going to feel bad, but then eventually that feeling will wear off and you will come.
• 10:45
  Up with some new insights.
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  These more old school ways to produce dopamine will help to reset the pain pleasure balance in your nervous system.
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  Here are some other ideas.
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  Get outside in nature.
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  Spend time in a state of awe.
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  Practice meditation skills or other mindfulness skills.
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  Or do something challenge, do a 30 or do something challenging.
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  Do a 30 day challenge, something that you've been thinking about, but that has been a little daunting.
• 11:18
  This is one of the reasons that I spazzed are so popular right now, though, as a perpetually cold sensitive hypothyroid person, I cannot give you any kind of firsthand account of this because I have not tried it.
• 11:29
  The books, digital minimalism, and how to break up with your phone, both include protocols you can follow during your social media abstinence experiment.
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  In addition to tips for slowly bringing back the essentials, as far as apps go for when you're done.
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  Using social media, sensibly and sustainably might involve putting some boundaries in place.
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  Dr.
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  Lemke of dopamine nation calls, these self binding strategies and they can be categorized into physical chronological and categorical.
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  For instance, many people use a lockbox and they find it helpful for putting the devices away in a household for a specific time each day, or maybe a specific day of the week.
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  Now that would be an example of a physical boundary.
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  And you might combine that with a chronological boundaries, such as all phones go into the lockbox for two hours each evening, during dinnertime and cleanup.
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  I'll a categorical boundary would be something like limiting your social media use to only one particular app.
• 12:42
  A word on parenting for those of you that have kids.
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  Parenting in the age of social media is truly uncharted territory.
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  There is no precedent for how to deal with these new technologies.
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  The information about social media is deleterious effects is definitely emerging and we need to pivot with grace as we go along.
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  Remind your children that we're all working together to find the best practices and that sometimes there's going to be some trial and error for coming up with boundaries.
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  And then make sure that you're modeling the kind of behavior you'd like to see in them because in many of the studies.
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  Parent device use as far as density and severity of addictive type symptoms.
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  It parallels children's use.
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  There are some experts that offer courses in this area.
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  I recommend taking the course that is.
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  Offered on the helping families thrive website.
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  And I will link that in the show notes.
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  It's a very low cost, very high level course that will help get you going to come up with a plan for navigating social media with your teens and tweens.
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  You and your children can come up with reasonable boundaries that work for your family.
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  In addition to punishments for if or when those boundaries are violated.
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  So, what does this have to do with leaning out?
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  Some of the same principles for finding unique work-life balance.
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  As I discuss in my book and in this podcast apply to developing your own unique social media use plan.
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  Any good plan for success, whether it be for work-life balance, reaching a long held goal, improving relationship.
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  Or coming up with a plan for how to use social media starts with a foundation.
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  Of self knowledge.
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  What do you most value in life?
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  How do you best take care of yourself when you're stressed what's the best way you've found to make your habit stick.
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  I give lots of information about these things.
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  In the book and in various articles on my blog.
• 15:00
  But I would also recommend that you visit Gretchen Rubin's resources on habit formation to help with some more specifics, such as, are you a moderator or an app Stayner at heart and what are the different habits, strategies that she recommends?
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  So check out her website and I will also link that in the show notes.
• 15:21
  Why do your values have any bearing on how you use social media?
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  Well, they can be a guidepost for knowing your why of consuming and posting.
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  And that is something that is very important in figuring out.
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  Boundaries around your use.
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  Always remember why you are on social media.
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  If you find yourself deviating from that, why make a hard stop and get off right now?
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  Avoid getting on the treadmill of posting for visibility, using an algorithm that you have no control over.
• 15:52
  This is another thing that I have continuously had to work on.
• 15:56
  About five years ago, I attended a conference for blogging professionals and people in the finance space for, Figuring out how you can grow your businesses and do better with social media.
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  And it was basically a lecture on how to become an influencer on Instagram.
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  And using the suggestions in the talk.
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  I made one post and I gained something like a hundred followers in a couple of days.
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  I have never since then created anything with that kind of a level of buzz.
• 16:29
  And somehow I got onto this treadmill of thinking that I needed to keep doing these things and I needed to follow these certain rules, like post every day, or be in your stories and immediately answer DMS and things like that.
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  And after a while, I just was like, right?
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  Am I doing this?
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  And so.
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  I started leaning back and just posting when I felt like it.
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  And it hasn't really honestly made any difference in my business.
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  Very few people are truly going to become famous on social media.
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  And do you want to be that famous person anyway?
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  Go back to the why of your posting.
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  Are you hoping to help someone inspire them, educate or just connect with like-minded people?
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  I love to inspire other people with my posts, but I don't see it as a huge business driver, as I was saying.
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  And so I stepped back from what I thought I was supposed to do to grow my brand.
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  And I have just been organically posting when I feel the need.
• 17:33
  I wanted to make a plug for one of my previous interviews with friend and former guest S C Gutierrez.
• 17:41
  I will link that conversation in the show notes.
• 17:43
  She had a similar realization.
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  And during her conversation with me, she said, I am no longer willing to work for free for mark Zuckerberg.
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  She likened social media to working for free for an MLM.
• 17:57
  We're only a few at the top reap the really big rewards.
• 18:01
  If you want to get the word out about a business or a message or a creative endeavor, there's always the old fashioned way.
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  And that is what SC did.
• 18:11
  She switched to offering lunchtime talks at local businesses, making phone calls and also just offering value by reaching out in person to local businesses and her financial planning business ended up seeing a four to five X growth ever since she made.
• 18:29
  Made that change.
• 18:31
  So, whether you're using social media for fun or for business, remember that your time and attention are your greatest nonrenewable assets.
• 18:41
  Experiment with your boundaries and be willing to fail and try again and revisit those boundaries.
• 18:48
  To find a sustainable way that you can coexist with social media.
• 18:53
  I hope you found this information helpful.
• 18:56
  What do you think about social media?
• 18:58
  What's your approach to it?
• 19:01
  Leave a comment for me on the blog posts that this associated with this podcast episode or send me a DM on Instagram at practice balance.
• 19:11
  I would really like to know your thoughts.
• 19:13
  Thanks a lot for listening and I will see you next time.
• 19:18
  Thanks for listening to the lean out podcast.
• 19:21
  If you find these conversations inspiring and useful, please forward them to a friend and also leave a review on iTunes or Spotify so that other people can find them easier.
• 19:33
  If you want to get in touch with me, you can find me at my website, practice balanced.com, where you can subscribe to my newsletter and get updates regularly about new podcast episodes, blog posts, speaking, engagements, and coaching services.
• 19:49
  You can also support my work by buying my book, lean out a professional woman's guide to finding authentic work-life balance for yourself, a friend, family member, or coworker.
• 20:02
  Have a great day and we'll see you next time