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M18 Halloween Reddit Stories · Two Tools, No Clue

• Jeidan and Anna: Hey everyone. Welcome to the Two Tools No Clue Podcast. I'm Anna. And I'm Jeidan! Happy Halloween, everybody. For our listeners who cannot see, we are dressed up for the occasion. Jey. I'm a sunflower, bitches. Jey is the cutest little sunflower we ever did see. He's doing a little sunflower dance. And I'm a butterfly. And Anna is looking as cute as can be. I'm currently being strangled by the sunflower headpiece. I just want everyone to know I'm being held hostage. You look like you're being so bad. Anyway. On today's minisode mini but great! We're going to read Creepy Homestead-ish. Reddit stories. Ish. I'm excited. Ish. I was doing these on the porch by myself with Stevie outside. It's like a beautiful fall day. It's like golden hour. Yeah. The sun's radiating through the orange and yellow leaves. And I'm like looking around, all freaked out from these stories. Stevie kept barking at squirrels in the woods, and every time I would just lose my sh*t No, yeah, that's not allowed. So I hope they give you guys a spook too. Well, thanks, Anna. You know how I feel about spook. We're just gonna jump right into it. Get ready. I'm ready. This first one is from username Trapper John. What does he trap? Trapper? He traps Johns. Trapper John. Sorry. It's a machine. It's trap your John. So if you have a John out there, you need trapped. The stray Johns of the world. All right. Sorry. On my grandparents' farm, we had markers from a massacre where a bunch of settlers were killed by Mingo Native Americans. There are also believed to be approximately ten bodies buried in a coal mine collapse under the property. Then there is the remains of the old stone farmhouse that burned down in the 1930s killing an entire family of eight, but what remains they could find were buried up at the church. Needless to say, lots of weird shit has happened at that place. Hearing screams out in the woods is a pretty common one, even for people who don't know the stories. Hearing the sounds of digging near where the old shaft was is another. Are you kidding? Even from people who don't know the history. The old stone farmhouse sometimes appears in a weird hazy white outline and then disappears. Nightmares about being in the farmhouse as it burns are typical at least once for those staying at the new house, which is just a short distance from the old foundation. Dogs of any variety won't go near the mineshaft at all. That was the safest place for any rabbit to hide in the farm. The creek where the massacre took place will run red occasionally. And then there is the cursed arrowhead that is associated with at least four deaths of friends and family. and the fracking company that leased the land from my aunt to tap the gas wells has had several accidents with one fatality on the property. before they shut down operations. my god. And that's how they left it, and someone commented, I wanna hear more about the cursed arrowhead. Yeah, and the mine shaft. Like what are we doing? This was his response to them. So my great uncle finds an arrowhead on the farm, turns it into a necklace with a leather string and some copper wire. Couple days later, dies in a motorcycle crash. my god. Arrowhead is put into a box and forgotten for years. Great grandmother is cleaning out the closet and finds the arrowhead necklace in the box, turns it into a bracelet with some more leather, dies of a stroke a week later. Arrowhead winds up in another box somewhere. Years later, my cousin finds it and asks for it and gets it. She wears it as the bracelet. That day, she dies in a car crash on her way to a birthday party. Arrowhead winds up in another box. A couple years later, it is found by another cousin who takes it and gives it to her boyfriend. Within a week, boyfriend falls out of a tree stand while hunting and dies from suspension syndrome. No idea where it went from there, assuming his family kept it or threw it away. What do you do with something like that? How the hell do you get rid of that? Okay, first of all. I feel like no matter what you do with it, it's just always gonna be haunting you. But what dumbass is gonna take an arrowhead that you found in the woods that looks Ancient as f*ck and say, you know what this would be good for? A necklace. My ass would be like that is haunted. I am gonna take a picture. I'm that dumbass. If I found an arrowhead in the woods, I'd be sweet. I probably wouldn't like drill a hole into it. I would probably copper wire like wrap around it. That's probably what they did too. Guys, if I die, it's because Anna found something in the woods and gave it to me. Well, my dad used to collect arrowheads. He would find a bunch in our land in Marlow. Cursed. And maybe we are cursed, honestly thinking back. And now you're not like that. Arrowheads up in the woods, people. Yeah. I also have a lot more questions. Like, did other people ask questions? Because I have questions like, did anyone call about the river running red? Yeah. Sounds like another situation. Whose pollutin'? sounds like an EPA situation. Yeah. Someone get EPA involved. Right? Okay. I that was very chilling. Yes. Got it. We're surrounded by woods. that makes me nervous. And last night I made Anna turn the TV off because I thought I heard a woman screaming bloody f*cking murder. I heard nothing. That was very scary She turned it off and I literally was like, Are you f*cking kidding me? So yeah. It could very well be a fox. I think it was it wasn't like blood curdling screaming. No, it kinda was no it sounded like very panicky and help screams and I was it made me stop what I was doing. I didn't hear that at all. Anyway that's This next one is from username apprehensive virus one two five. Apprehensive virus. I'm not a big Reddit person. I know we've done a couple Reddit episodes, but I don't know if these are from people's minds or if they're just randomly generated. Because mine is from me. I put two tools, no clue. What does that mean? I have no idea. But a lot of these just seem randomly generated though. Which is why I'm curious. Anyway. Username apprehensive virus one two five says grew up deep in the woods. Nearest neighbors, a mile away type deal. Had a father who thought it was a good idea to constantly try and scare me in a joking way to help toughen me up, jump out behind doors and things along those lines. Well, I just turned sixteen and recently gotten my driver's license. my god. Pulled in late one night after dark into the driveway. Off to my left, about a hundred feet of where I parked was a dense wooded area. Got out of my truck and started to head inside. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I was hit by a thrown stick. I turned around and picked the stick up, tossed it back into the tree line, called out for my dad to show himself. Another stick was immediately tossed back my way. I picked the stick up and say hey as I tossed it back to where I thought it came from. I immediately had another stick tossed my direction, and this time a sketchy voice replied with only one word, hey. This point I had enough and made the following reply to the voice in the woods. I am going inside and going to bed. Hope you had a good laugh. I opened the door to the house. When I stepped inside, I found my dad sitting in his recliner, waiting up for me to come home. Mmm, get the shotgun. Like what the f*ck was that? I have goosebumps all down my f*cking body. The one thing that I genuinely I'm terrified. And this is gonna be funny because we're surrounded by woods, right? I am terrified of the woods at night. Okay. I can wander in the daytime and I'm fine. As soon as the sun goes down, I am not safe. I could literally go like a foot in and I do not go into our woods. as soon as it's dark, I'm all set. I'm good. I it terrifies me. That is not okay. You never know what's out there. What was it? I know, right? Did they get the shotgun? a mimic of some sort. Because it literally just it mimicked him. Hey. Hey. Ugh. No, thank you. I would literally cry. Cause I when I first started reading that story, I was I was like, maybe Bigfoot, because they're known to throw rocks at people. But they wouldn't respond with hey. That is so Someone literally said, I'm calling 911. I'm like, get your ass over here. Someone is in the woods. Yeah. What are you talking about? For real. Someone said hey. Someone said hey. The police are like, okay. Okay, so this next one is username second hand banshee. One hot night, it was over 90 degrees in the wee hours. My car decided it was done and just quit a few miles from home. no. This had happened the year before, so I recognized the symptoms of a leaky head gasket and knew that if I let it cool off, I might be able to get it to run long enough to creep home. So I rolled down the windows and set about waiting. The road was gravel and used only by neighbors, so I didn't feel like I was in any danger. The fields on both sides were recently harvested field corn, and I couldn't see a single light Other than the Milky Way and the distant glow of city far behind me. It was peaceful and I was enjoying the quiet. Until I heard it. Something big was walking through the field outside my driver's side window. Crunch, crunch, crunch. It got closer and closer. I peered into the darkness, trying to force my eyes to make out what was there. I could see nothing. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Hello? I thought maybe a human voice would scare it off. No luck. I began to remember all the portable meth labs we'd been called to during my time on the volunteer fire department. not the meth heads. Had I accidentally stopped near some tweaker's hideout? Sniff, sniff. No smell of cat pee, but that's no guarantee. my god. Crunch. Crunch, crunch. The thing was practically on me. I'm not gonna lie, I was freaking out. Did she roll up the windows? I frantically scrambled for my phone, turned on the flashlight, and shone it into the field. Not ten feet away, and right at the level of my face, were two glowing red eyes. Yes, I made an embarrassing noise. And promptly realized it was one of my neighbor's black Angus cows that had been turned into the field to snack on the corn stalks. my god. It's been years, but my kids still tease me about my encounter with the Cow of Doom. That'd be me. I would be literally crying again. Again. my Can you imagine? Even Larry was concerned. He came right up to check on me. He's like, Are you okay? Are you alright guys? I can sense you're about to have a heart attack. Mama, what are you reading to dad right now? Ready for the next one? I'm trying to be. I tried to put that one in there as a little bit of a cleanser so they're not all terrifying. No. Okay, so this means this one's gonna be terrifying. Honestly, I don't remember. jeez. Okay. Username Glum Hedgehog said, We have a couple hundred acres in Mississippi, surrounded on all sides by thousands of acres of woods that belong to a logging company. this one's scary. I remember this one now. Getting from the road to our house is a one mile long dirt driveway that was a logging railroad over a hundred years ago. So it's very, very remote. Why would you live there? It's like Alaskan bush people, they just don't want to live near people. Okay. Nearest neighbors are miles away. No one had ever lived on our property before. When we first bought it, we'd work all day, then go shovel gravel on the driveway late at night. Just the two of us out there with headlamps. I'm a skeptical person, but one night I swear I came around the side of our truck and saw a man standing in the driveway. All I had time to process was that he was grey. Grey shirt, pants, hair, beard, skin. Ten feet from me, then gone in a split second. I didn't tell my boyfriend for months because it sounded crazy. Twice something has thrown a rock at us in the dark. Once when we'd recently bought the property. We were down by the road talking and suddenly a rock sailed over our heads and hit a tree behind us hard, then fell to the ground. We thought someone was messing with us, so we charged right into the woods with flashlights and guns. are you crazy? Absolutely not. No. Running to my car with my gun. man. No one was there and no one could have run away without us hearing them. It happened again one night about a year later. closer to our house and again no one was there. One time we found what looked like half of a print from a large man's foot in some partially dried up mud. I won't even speculate on that one because I don't believe in Bigfoot, but having a crazy barefoot forest hermit creeping around is somehow even more terrifying. We've put up multiple trail cameras around the place and caught deer, rabbits, bears, coyotes, bobcats, wild dogs, etc. So if Bigfoot is here, maybe we'll get a photo and finally be able to pay off the mortgage, L O L. You have a mortgage? What is going on? True, I didn't even think of that. Okay, obviously I'm horrified by all the wrong things. You have a mortgage. You're living in the middle of the woods. With a mortgage? That's the scariest part of the story. That just sounds silly, doesn't it? Sorry. So this next one's super short. Comes from username one ship5167. Okay. Checked our orchard cams one night to find what appeared to be a toddler wandering in our backfield alone at 3 a.m. What? The video was extra blurry on account of dense fog, but the waddling gait, stature, and build all said small human child wandering around, possibly lost. Panicking, I zoomed in closer to get a better look at its face, only to realize it was a skunk with his puffy tail, the perfect height and width to resemble a wobbly two year old. Mr. Skunk just out bobbin around, digging for grubs, is now a regular on our back cams. He's a three legged skunk, so extra wobbles. That's terrifying. We have a skunk that comes to our cat He's a cutie, but he's destructive. I'm terrified I'm gonna catch him by accident. Yeah, I wish you luck with that one. If I open the door and there's a skunk in the trap, I am going to close the door and go out the other door because that well will make you so much an in a problem. There's not much that I leave you with. I will usually help you with your things. Don't play you with your side eye. But not a skunk in a in a havaheart trap. Sorry. Mm mm. Mm mm. No no no no. I have lived thirty-six years and have not been sprayed by a skunk. And that is not gonna happen before thirty-seven. That's for sure. We'll see about that. Do they hibernate? I think so. Okay, we're we're close. Username Mega Soulflower said, I grew up on a small farm in rural Tennessee. One fall night my mom, cousin, a friend of mine, and brother decided to camp over by our fruit trees for fun, less than a football field from the house. It was chilly and my mom and friend stayed up talking by the fire. I slept pretty well, and so did my brother and cousin, but the next morning I learned that my mom and friend heard drums late at night. Not just once, and not drum set type drums, but rhythmic continual drums. From the woods at the back of our property. Whoa. My mom mentioned these odd late night drums at her work the next week. Her coworkers then explained that when they were in high school in our small town, the woods near my parents' property were known as a place where Satan worshippers held rituals and ceremonies. I think my parents have heard those drums once or twice since then, but thankfully no ritual activity has come any closer to the house. That's Satanic worshippers really pump my nads, bro. They f*cking grind my f*cking gears. Why are you doing it? Yeah. Like if I could, I'd become a Satan worshipper against them. Like literally, like so annoying. You're pumping all this darkness into the world for what? Because you're angry and bitter. Yeah. Get over it. Yeah. Like if you don't want to be here, don't be here as as terrible as that sounds. But like you're literally If you believe in that shit, you're really causing some serious f*cking damage to pockets of the world. Yeah. And I don't for no reason at all. Yeah, for no reason. And it's like generations that end up it's not just like one group of people at one certain time. Yeah. It lasts. It lingers. Yeah. It's terrifying. Whatever. We probably just Pissed some Satan worshippers off. But honestly, if you're listening to us and you're a Satan worshipper, what the f*ck are you doing? What are your priorities, man? For for the listeners, Jey's doing his happy sunflower dance to calm everyone down. It's strange that I'm the calming source. So this one's from username. Magnanimous Rakshasa. It was a fall night deep woods cave country. Mm. I had a fire stoked in the back clearing, surrounded by old oak forest. I went for a midnight hike with my Siberian husky, flat coated retriever, Great Dane, and Coyote Rottweiler mix. Which what the hell does that look like? Did he say he is from Tennessee? No, that's the last. This is Fall Night Deep Woods Cave Country. That's all we get from this. Sounds terrifying Coyote Rottweiler. Yeah, I can't imagine what that dog looks like. But as you can tell, like all really intense dogs. Intense dogs, yeah. I felt well guarded from the unknown. The trail led us to an adjoining property that ran up the south face of what we called Frenchman's Knob, due to the killing of French settlers by Native Americans two hundred or so years ago. All of the dogs froze while staring up at a low light over the ridge. I thought someone had a vehicle running slash taillight glow beyond the point of the trail where I could see because of the elevation difference. Then, without any warning, all of my dogs ran in the opposite direction, back towards the house, primal panic. I did not hesitate, running behind them until I reached our fire. They were hiding on the other side of the flames, staring above the tree line. When I caught up to them, I could see that the low red roiling light had followed us just above the tree canopy, Stopping above at the edge of the field. It felt sentient, was a dusky red hue, moving slowly like a deep sea creature. He watched us for twenty minutes, then floated back out into the deeper forest. What? Aliens. Yeah. The dogs are like, we are not getting abducted. Yeah. Why are we on a midnight hike? You literally. What the f*ck are we doing here? Stevie would be like, uh-uh. Yeah. No way. Not going out there. Sorry, buddy. She's like, lift the covers up so I can get under 'em Yep. man. I would not just run back to my fire. I would continue running, by the way. Yeah. honestly This one's from username Big Dumb BS. Okay. This was maybe two years ago or so, and it still bothers me. I've only ever told one person about what I saw because it scared me absolutely sh*tless and I was worried if I told people something bad might happen to me. my god. But it's been two years now and I've never seen it again, so I'll share. my god. I live out in rural Ohio. Why is it always Ohio? what's going on in Ohio that makes all these cryptids and supernatural occurrences happen? Satanic worshippers. Maybe. I don't know. Just all that corn, it's creepy. It's like it's it is creepy. You know what I mean? It's calling. Remember when we drove through? So much corn. my god, the next line. Think cornfields. Small town. No near neighbors nearby to hear you scream. Mm. I was driving home from work late at night, close to eleven PM. As I was driving, there was this thing running on the road. God. It was running on the opposite side of the road, heading the same direction I was. I've never seen anything like it. Running on all fours, but not like a dog or cat, almost like a person. Mm. It was large, maybe the size of my great Pyrenees, and hauling ass. Looked like it was fairly hairless and Dot dot dot fleshy. I've seen coyotes and dogs with mange. I don't think it was that because the the running was off and the back knees weren't backwards facing. my god. I did not stop. I floored that sh*t and got as far away as fast as I could. I just remember my heart was pounding and I was shaking. It didn't turn back to look at me as I was approaching, and I didn't want it to, so I have no idea what its head or face looked like. Regardless, it scared me so bad I never took that route home again and never talked about it with anyone besides my husband. I still have nightmares about it. I don't know if it was my fight or flight kicking in, but I felt like I was in danger. That's terrifying. And then someone commented being like, yeah, I've seen that too. Like elsewhere. Okay, so The humanoid shit freaks me out the most. the the wraiths. Yeah. Or the wrakes, whatever the f*ck they're called. And that usually is out in there and they're just like I don't know the white ones. Weird moves and yeah. The all white crawling around, those are wrakes. god, terrifying. But it also is just like okay, like there's obviously it wasn't a human, right? But people get freaked out by like other instances when, you know, like humans do drugs. Yeah. And they end up in those forums, you know what I mean? that happens as well, but obviously it's not that was I don't think that's what that was. No. That's so scary. I would not want to drive by it. that meme where it's like the dog's face transposed with the guy's face and he's like that's what I imagine its face will look like. my god, so scary. I would die right there if it was. Literally just heart attack, instant, gone. Not made for that. Next one, are you ready for it? Probably not, but let's go. This is the daytime. I'll sleep tonight. Yeah. This one's from username dr Cl Aphra. I had a weird one a couple years ago I still can't explain. It was early November, right after Halloween. I have a huge two-story attached garage and it's linked up to the same security system as the rest of the house. And I've got two big dogs as well. The upper story is just a platform floor, so if you're up there, you can look over the edge to the rest of the garage. I also have a chicken coop slash run in the stall furthest from the house, Which functions as a chicken hospital and a nursery for the little ones. a chicken hospital. So bougie. At the time this happened, my flock was really small and consisted of only breeds that lay brown eggs. They were in the garage at the time because I was working on winterizing the outside coop. The doors on the indoor floor have secure latches and the nesting boxes are inside the coop, which is inside the run. It's got a roof and it's completely enclosed with wire to prevent loose birds in the garage. That morning I came out to take care of the birds, and when I got over to the run, I found an egg smashed on the floor of the garage. Not inside the run, outside, despite the coop doors being latched and no signs of birds having gotten out. It was also a white egg, not brown like my hens lay. literally looked like any old egg you could buy at Walmart. But definitely didn't come from any of my birds. The birds were fine, not acting distressed at all, and the night before my dogs slept soundly and there had been no alarms. The plastic on the garage windows was all intact, no signs of any kind of person or animal getting in. So where the f*ck did this egg come from? it had been below freezing all night, too. And while it was a bit warmer in the garage, it was still in the twenties. Egg had started to freeze, but was still mostly liquid, meaning this couldn't have happened very long before I came out there. I also realized while staring at this stupid egg while my brain made blue smoke that where it was lying was exactly where it would have landed if someone or something had been up in the garage's upper floor and had dropped it off the side. Mmm. That freaked me out. So the dogs and I got the shotgun and went up there ready to find something bad. I had been up there just a few days before putting away Halloween decorations and nothing had seemed amiss at the time. And when we checked now, everything was exactly the same. No new footprints in the dust, no animal poop, nothing stolen, moved, or otherwise disturbed. I've told this story to tons of people and nobody's been able to come up with a coherent explanation. Because of this incident and a few other super weird things about this house, my current theory is that it's me from the future coming back to f*ck with myself a la interstellar. that doesn't make any sense at all. That's weird. the fact that it's a white egg throws everything into question. Yeah. Eggs get bleached to be that way. And the f the freezing part, if I had found an egg, I wouldn't have even thought of that. This person's so smart to be like, It's super cold. This egg should be frozen. Yeah. Which means it literally just happened. And no nothing's up there. You don't think maybe there was a nest up there somewhere of another type of bird? But for it to be confused as a chicken egg, though chicken eggs are huge compared to our songbird population eggs. my gosh. I don't know. That's terrifying. I don't like that. I think it's a glitch in the matrix. Yeah, I think she's right. Which I don't like that stuff. That stuff freaks me out even more. Yeah, I well I love it. I love Glitch in the Matrix stories. If you have any glitch in the Matrix stories, send them in. I'll take So I love I love reading them. Interstellar messed with me. Good ass movie. For a real very, very, very good movie. But f*cked me up. like time the concept of time. F*cks me up. Yeah, I can't think about it. It stresses me out. I get heart palpitations about it. So this next one is from username Other Jen 1975 Okay, Other Jen, what's up? The year we moved on to the property, my son and his friend were digging around a very large, very old tree. It's the kind of tree you would see in an old growth forest. Very special tree. It was just getting dark and it was December, so it was chilly outside. My son came running into the house and said he found a jar of teeth under the tree. That's some serial killer shit right there. A jar of teeth. my god. If I found a jar of teeth, I would open that shit up and it would eject out of my hands like a f*cking jumping bean. Like, no way would I be running in, being like, look what I found. Like, what? Yeah. I would not open that. The teeth were in an old film canister they had dug up, which is why I said when I opened it, because they weren't just in a glass jar where you could see, there's teeth in there. if I found an old film canister, I'm definitely opening that opening that shit up. I agree. But as soon as I see teeth, I'm throwing it right back into the f*cking ground and acting like I was never there. You might watch this. What the f*ck are you talking about? I don't see a tree. There's no tree on my property. Yeah. Yikes. my God. Okay. The teeth were In an old film canister they had dug up, and when he opened it, he said it sprayed out some sort of mist and ejected several teeth onto the ground I cannot. When they looked a little closer, they said there was one gold tooth and several molars. my god. Serial killer. Serial killer. my god. Witchcraft. Satanic worship. Serial killer. Souvenirs. my god. I had no idea what to think. Can you imagine being this mom? That kid is cursed now. Can you imagine your child running up to you and saying those horrible things? I would literally be like, What the f*ck did you just bring me? I would burn the child. Yeah. I'm like, we have to sacrifice you now. Throw the child into the into the fire as well. You've literally brought a hundred years of bad luck to our family son. Like, what have you done? my That should be a lesson, Anna. Stop. Finding things in the woods. I'm trying to clean up the trash. Well, if you find a canister of teeth, you better f*cking leave it right there. I had no idea what to think. I told him to bury the teeth immediately, and I ran out for a sage stick. Bury the teeth. Put that back where you found it. Or so help me. Put that thing back where you found it, Or so help me. So help me. So help me. And cut. Honestly, so she told him to bury the teeth immediately and ran out for a sage stick. Honestly, that's the best I could come up with. This kid has so much trauma. Clearly, it had something to do with the previous owners, and I've been inclined to leave it alone. After that, all sorts of odd things happened. I saw a man walking through the field with a bucket and then disappeared into the trees I was literally crying. Looking for his teeth I can't even take my glasses off to wipe my tears because they're stuck in my Yeah. My son saw the same man walking toward him one evening and watched him disappear. He's never gone in the woods ever again. Literally. He'll be a city boy. my god. I wake up and hear old-timey music at 5 a.m. But we don't live anywhere near anyone. It's always until we meet again. And the fact that she knows the song is crazy. She's heard it so many times that she's been able to look that shit up. Your face Are you okay? Jey's having a heart attack. I can't believe it. Leave. Move. It's because they lost some of the teeth. I've heard giggling coming from a blackberry bush when it's not possible anyone would be in there or anywhere around. In the blackberry bush? Yep. My other son heard it too. After that, my niece told me to put out an offering because it was a sprite or fairy. So I said, sure, whatever. Sorry, I touched your teeth. I was just going with it at this point. I put out a cookie near where I heard the giggles, and the next night my entire yard smelled like sulfur. What? The cookie did not. Was not good. That reminds me of the gnomes in Sims when you give them something and they it makes them angry instead of appeasing them and then you have to like appease the gnome and hope it gets better. This sounds crazy as I write it. Clearly the fairies didn't like my cookies. My niece said, no, now you pissed them off. One day my dog turned up with a very long bone that Google ID'd as a human femur. Stop. my I called the police just in case and they came out and were just as confused as I was. Did she tell them about the teeth? They didn't think it was one, but they took it anyway, and we never heard about it again. We still don't know where it came from. There are more things that have happened, and it's all quite creepy, but I'm still glad I bought this place. It's been an adventure. There is a body spread throughout your property. Did you tell the police about the teeth? Things we need to know. What is the Email us your answers? Jen, did you tell them about the teeth? I just want everyone to know that my sunflower started. Did I just say did you email them about the teeth? Yeah, you did, Jen. I just want everyone to know who's just listening. My sunflower started all perky and by the end of this episode it was literally flopped down on the top of my face. You're thrashing around. Terror. my god. Okay, so this is our last one. There's another one. One more. I'm ready. Username has been deleted. okay wait is that their username? I don't know, but I think it's just been deleted. No, no, it's not username been deleted. It's username deleted. man. So I'm assuming it's been deleted. Sorry. That'd be a really good username. Username been deleted. Only one time did something creepy slash weird happen aside from weird noises and stuff. I have sixty acres and own a half mile of river shoreline. My house is near the road and about point three miles from the river and also about two hundred and twenty feet above the river level. I was out on my deck at around ten PM and heard something big and clumsy trampling through the woods. There is a large gas light in my backyard that lights up everything pretty well. Then this monster comes out of the trees onto one of the dirt roads I have behind my house. A monster? This thing was about six and a half feet tall, had multi flora rose bushes dragging on the ground behind him, and was covered in mud and grunting slash mumbling. I decided that it was probably a sam squanch, and I a sam squinch? And I was going to get him. What is a Sam squinch? It's a sasquatch. I decided it was probably a sam squinch and I was going to get him. I ran inside to grab my gap piece, and when I went back outside, he was in the area that my gas light lit up really well. Turns out it was a drunk kayaker that got lost on the river and found a good spot to get out and just started walking. Dude was covered in mud and all cut up from walking through the briar. I let him use my phone and he called someone to get him and I sprayed him off with my hose. It ended up being a totally explainable situation, but there was a period of about three to five minutes where it was really weird. Yeah. Those are all my stories. You might would have you just shot him instead. And then the police would come and be like, I thought it was a Sam scratch. Like, what the f*ck is a sand scratch? Put your hands behind your back. Yeah. She literally killed someone. wow. That was a really intense episode, Anna. Yeah. Well, it's Halloween. Happy Halloween. So for our farmer's almanac. Today is October twenty-ninth. The moon rides high this evening. I have no idea what that means because as you can see I have forgotten to write it out beforehand again. Ow! Ow. And racing driver Lance Stroll was born today in 1998 Ew, he's younger than me. Today's the best day to move house or household. Yeah, especially if you're finding teeth in your backyard. I'm not gonna stop thinking about that. That is all that the that they have to say. That's hilarious. Get out of here! Move houses. Did you tell the police about the teeth? I need you to email me. Well I hope I gave you a spook and I hope that you have a very safe and fun Halloween season as we wind down into November. I don't really like November. I do. It's brown. November's brown. Brown and sometimes it tries to snow and that's why I don't really like it. It's peaceful. I guess. My allergies do go away in November. So blessings. But it's just so It's peaceful without having to deal with the snow. Yeah. Well It's like the peace of winter without the bullshit of the snow. But sometimes it does. It's like February. Yeah, but it's never enough where it's like five feet of f*cking snow and you can't get to work in November. That is true. I don't know, maybe it is sometimes. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok @TwoToolsNoCluePodcast. Or you can subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/twotoolsnoclue and email us. Did you tell the police about the teeth? Jen, we need to know. At twotoolsnocluepodcast@gmail.com I need to know, Jen. Other Jen, I need to know. I need your glitch in the matrix stories as well. Yeah, those would be pretty cool. Please. If you never send an email to anyone again, please send me your glitch in the matrix emails. It's of dire urgency. I need them. I love them. And if we get enough, maybe we'll do an extra bonus episode. Yeah, that'd be really cool if we could turn our mini sodes into things that you guys bring to us. Yeah. That is still the hope. Here he goes dancing again. I'm doing my sunflower dance. I hope you all also have a safe and happy Halloween and enjoy the rest of October. And we love you all. And we can't wait to see you all. Next week. Bye bye. Bye bye.