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Everything I Got Wrong About Healing From Anxiety · Bye Bye Panic

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you've been trying to heal from anxiety, you've probably watched videos like this and others tell you to just accept it and let it be there.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And while that's not wrong, I have a confession to make.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not enough.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: After helping thousands of people overcome anxiety, panic, and chronic symptoms, what I learned would keep people stuck wasn't what I was expecting.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in this video, I wanted to describe what were some of the surprising things watching so many people heal.
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number one is having a growth mindset.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, a growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, responses, and nervous system can change through effort, experience, and learning.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would go deeper with a growth mindset as an ability to always want to improve.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Always finding things in yourself that you can make better.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just becoming a higher version of yourself.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I found that people that have a growth mindset do way better than someone that doesn't have a growth mindset.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset, which just says, this is who I am and I'll always be this way.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, someone with the fixed mindset might come into the healing journey as just, I want to just get back to the way things weren't.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't really care about any of these things, I just need to know what I need to do to make my symptoms go away and then I just want to live my life.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And while that sounds very convenient, the reality is is that what made you fall in was maybe not understanding what was happening, maybe not knowing why you were having symptoms or not knowing how to respond.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: But there were also deeper things that kept the cycle alive.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: There were certain personality traits, there were certain behaviors, there were certain unproductive thinking habits that knowingly or unknowingly kept you in that cycle.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you just look at this as a fixed mindset, which is, I just wanna get good enough, and then that's it, just move on.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's not really going to help you heal long-term.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might get to a place where you're stable again, but any time life throws anything at you, things that are outside of your control, well, you're going to go back into old patterns and you're going to fall back into the cycle.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your nervous system will get sensitized again.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, this surprised me because I had always grown up with a growth mindset.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think having a growth mindset was always inherent within me.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what kept me stuck in the cycle was the fact that I just never had an explanation for why I was experiencing these symptoms.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I naturally thought there was something broken in my body.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when therapists would just tell me to allow it and just let it be there, I didn't believe it, because in my head anxiety was just something mental.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I wasn't dealing with something mental.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was dealing with something very physical.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't until I understood nervous system sensitization.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is this principle that when your nervous system becomes stressed, it starts sending these false alarms and these false alarms can materialize in your body through things like digestive issues, vision changes, tenitis, breathlessness, heart palpitations, and array of symptoms.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Once I understood that that's how anxiety works, that that's how a hypersensitive nervous system works, then it made sense to me.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now did I heal right away?
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, I still struggle a lot and I mean every mistake in the book.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: That was probably the pivotal point of my healing journey.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's where I really started making progress.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then as I was going through the progress journey and I dealt with setbacks and I questioned if I was going in the right direction and I was dealing with frustrations, I was very aware of my thought patterns and how I was either reinforcing the cycle or staying stuck.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the growth mindset came very natural to me.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when I was helping people in the healing journey, I actually found the flip to be true for most people, not everybody.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what I found was many people understood the mechanics of anxiety.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: They believed that this was anxiety.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what kept people's thought was the growth mindset aspect.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the important thing to understand that what helped us on the healing journey, how our healing journey showed up.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: We like to think that everyone will go through that same healing journey.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And while the terrain might be the same, people will have different sticking points.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: People will have different roadblocks.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: For some people, it might be that growth mindset.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: For other people like me, it was just understanding that this was anxiety.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the growth mindset aspect really surprised me because I had assumed that if you were going through the healing journey, a lot of these unproductive habits, we're going to show up for themselves and a person would fix this on their own.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what I actually found is that a lot of people do have mindset issues mindset blocks and in many ways, almost everyone does to a certain degree.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, working through those things along the healing journey is important.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just accepting the symptom.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's part of it.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just responding.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's part of it.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's also looking at the unproductive habits.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's looking at the mindset of all this.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is your mindset in the healing journey?
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you looking at this is just a restoration coming back to baseline or are you looking at this as a form of evolution recovery was such a spiritual journey for me because I realized I wasn't the mind I could have thoughts but that doesn't mean it's true
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's something I never really thought of in the past.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought if I had thoughts, I was the one having the thoughts.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: The thoughts were me.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It also showed me the difference between what is experiential, what I could experience, and what's fact, right?
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I can experience these symptoms, but that doesn't mean that it was caused by something physical.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it made me go deeper and ask myself, okay, what made me fall into the cycle?
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: how can I become a higher version of this?
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: How is this experience changed my outlook in the world?
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recovery was such a blessing for me because it gave me purpose.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It gave me this direction of, when you've suffered for so long, you become very sensitive to other people suffering too.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so it gives me an amazing opportunity because it allows me to create content like this for you.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so recovery for me was not just getting to a certain point and then just going back to living.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Once I saw what recovery was, there was no going back from me.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to go deeper.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recovery was about evolution.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: This separates the people that are stuck that are in this fixed mindset that just want to get better and then just go back to old ways and the people that go through something like this and realize, hey, something needs to change.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, this is an amazing opportunity for me to better myself, to become a higher version of myself, to become a self leader.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this was something I never really took into account helping people.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought if they could just understand the mechanics, if you can keep it simple, there's not that many variables.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the reality was, is that there was this massive variable of mindset.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And once you understand and develop this mindset, it doesn't just help you on the healing journey.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Any sort of endeavor you're doing the future, whether it's career, whether it's professional, whether it's relationships, whether it's the relationship with yourself, how you show up is so important and the skills that you learn in this healing journey will make such a difference in those aspects as well.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now while focusing on the growth mindset is really important, a common pattern I find, even what the growth mindset leads me to point two, which is trying to be perfect in healing, which is what we call perfectionism.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perfectionism in healing, but in every aspect of your life.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perfectionism is one of the sneakyest barriers to anxiety recovery because it disguises itself as something admirable.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: At its root, though, perfectionism is a nervous system's way of saying, if I do everything right, nothing bad will happen.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's an attempt to control the uncontrollable.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's your inability to deal with uncertainty.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what I find people are going into this perfectionism mode.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: When people are responding to their anxiety, they're almost asking themselves, am I allowing correctly?
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I accepting correctly?
• 8:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I alarming correctly?
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: the recovery program to help people on the healing journey.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so am I doing that correctly?
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they're looking at this as like a right or wrong game.
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I doing this correctly or is this wrong?
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way of looking at this as right or wrong doesn't really serve you.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't about right or wrong.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in fact, whenever you're looking at this from right or wrong, it's a way for you to control your healing journey.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're trying to control the outcome by putting in more effort.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what people don't realize is that it's the same control that kept you stuck.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Part of the healing journey is letting go.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's learning to have trust.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: People think the opposite of anxiety is calm.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: The opposite of anxiety is not calm.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: calmness comes after trust and so it's trusting that your response might not be perfect and that's okay And in fact it doesn't need to be perfect in order for you to heal if you just get good enough That's all you need to do But whenever you're chasing perfectionism whenever you're trying to be perfect on your response or in any endeavor of your life That only creates more stress on the nervous system.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your nervous system only becomes more active
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: because what is perfectionism?
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is perfect?
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who defines what's perfect?
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I get it, you really want this to go away.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're doing everything you can to feel better, but it's that desperation that's keeping in life.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's recognizing that your need to be perfect is another desperate way to feel better in the moment.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if I told you that you can recover with only 20% of the effort that you're putting in?
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: As long as you just allow it, not try to control and make other things more important, and just go back to living and having patience and not monitoring how well you're doing a good day or bad day based on how you feel, what would you do?
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: How would you react?
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Would you feel relieved or would you find ways to try to speed up the journey?
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Would you try to find ways to be even better to maybe heal faster?
• 10:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recognize your nervous system will take as long as it takes.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Part of that is letting your nervous system do the work, trusting that your body is on your side, trusting that your mind is on your side, taking the pressure off, allowing it to be there, allowing the fact that, hey, I responded, could I have done a little bit better?
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, but I tried the best I could in the moment and that's all that matters.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: and giving credit to that to the effort of how you did, not what the outcome was.
• 10:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever you realize that perfectionism is actually what's holding people back, it's actually really funny because this has nothing to do with anxiety.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right?
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: This perfectionism is an outcome that caused the anxiety.
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you recognize this is about letting go of control and just allowing it to be there and not monitoring your progress based on your symptoms,
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, you can have a growth mindset and learn a lack of perfectionism, but you may still struggle with this next thing, which is the inability to feel good.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: This one really surprised me, and this is one that not a lot of people talk about.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: People with long-term anxiety often develop a deeply adversarial relationship with feeling okay.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're so used to feeling bad to having internal chaos internal turmoil that when they start healing and things start to get quiet they're not used to that that's unfamiliar in many ways and so what will happen sometimes is people will unconsciously sabotage that and find reasons to be stressed about
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever known anyone that's always busy, that's always stressed, and then things start going their direction, work is going well, relationships, family, everything is good, and then they just find more things to be stressed about, and you might be wondering why is this person doing that?
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's not that they're trying to be stressed, but stress is a normal feeling for them.
• 12:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're used to that.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's become comfortable.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not being stressed is something
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: for your nervous system, unfamiliarity means danger.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: That means unknown.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're in the unknown, anything can happen, including something really, really, really bad.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you know what?
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll just stay here.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, we're uncomfortable, but at least it's known.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when good days show up, instead of just living it, they start scanning.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why do I feel good?
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is this real?
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: How long was this last?
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if this goes away?
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things anxiety suffers often ask is, hey, Sean, I'm not feeling anxiety and I'm anxious about that.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that normal?
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the good feeling itself can become a trigger because it's unfamiliar and therefore threatening.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: At a deeper level, sometimes people who are dealing with this for so long can unconsciously believe that they don't deserve to feel good.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or that feeling good is dangerous because it means they'll let their guard down and get blindsided.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the nervous system actually generates symptoms during calm periods to maintain that baseline it's used to.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: The person isn't imagining it or doing it to themselves, their body is literally producing anxiety to get back to its familiar setpoint.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because homeostasis doesn't mean healthy.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It means habit.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It means habitual.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is why some people describe their worst anxiety happening during vacations, weekends, or moments where everything is objectively fine.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: The nervous system isn't broken.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's doing exactly what it's designed to do, which is maintaining the state it's been trained to consider normal.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recovery requires not just tolerating distress, but tolerating peace.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why I think is because people are so used to feeling bad, if they feel good, they're thinking what happens if I feel bad again.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to get blindsided, they don't want to put their guards down, but healing is not just about allowing the uncomfortable sensations to be there.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's also not chasing a feeling.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's recognizing that feelings come and go, even when you get out of the cycle, you're going to have good days and you're going to have bad days.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to be all good days.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, you need bad days so that you can have a good day.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you know what's a good day?
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: If every day is the same, you need to have bad days.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: You need to go through the downs to really appreciate the ups.
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so even when you get out of this, you're going to have good days and bad days.
• 14:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: The key isn't about chasing or avoiding one or the other.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about whenever you feel it, feel it, but also let it go.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the feelings of feeling bad goes away, let it go.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: If the feelings of feeling good start dissipating, let that go too.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let the feelings come and go.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's normally when we try to trap it, whenever we try to chase a feeling that anxiety begins to increase, where our nervous system becomes more alert.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you just recognize that good days will come, bad days will come, let them come and let them go.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And whenever you feel good, give yourself permission to be in the moment and allow yourself to feel good.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: If tomorrow feels bad, if the next hour feels bad, let that come too.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But not chasing a feeling, not running away from a feeling, being here in the moment.
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: This all leads me to my final point, which is responsibility is the strongest anti-depressant.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Responsibility does something very unique and very special to the mind.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It connects action to meaning.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so whenever you're dealing with anxiety, especially when you feel helpless, where you feel like no matter what, I can't make these symptoms go away.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't make these panic attacks, these intrusive thoughts.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: These feelings go away, you feel helpless.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Responsibility gives you the ability to re-enquer.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: The moment you're responsible for something, someone, a task, even being responsible for your own healing.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a commitment to another person.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your attention will shift outward.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You stop hyperfocusing on your inner state.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You stop asking, how do I feel?
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is this symptom, thought, sensation still there?
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you begin asking the question, what needs to be done?
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: anxiety and depression both thrive on inward hyperfocus.
• 16:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Responsibility is literally the opposite.
• 16:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It forces outward orientation and it doesn't make you chase comfort but it makes you focus on a valuable function which is giving back meaning.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recognizing that what you do matters, it makes you an active participant in society.
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever you have radical responsibility, you might still feel anxious, you might have a setback, you might have that chronic symptom that shows up that are disappeared for a while, but now you also have responsibility that's greater than all of that.
• 16:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now you're suffering no longer defines you.
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: This gives meaning and a sense of ownership.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you realize your response can influence the future, you're no longer powerless.
• 16:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: This and itself inspires hope.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: My main focus on this channel is that I'm deeply compassionate towards suffering.
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I don't let you turn your suffering as an excuse for withdrawal.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, in my opinion, the most compassionate thing you can do is to place responsibility back into the person's hand.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: enough responsibility to remind the person that they're still an active participant in life.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't fix the anxiety.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does something much greater.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It recreates your action to meaning and regains your sense of dignity.
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Acceptance is just the first step.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's accepting your situation but also becoming responsible of what happens next.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever you regain responsibility, you regain your destiny, you're able to influence the future, you have hope, you're no longer feeling helpless.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Life isn't happening to you.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's happening through you and eventually you'll realize it's happening for you.
• 17:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Anxiety just gets you to the place where you can go back to play the game.
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recovery is not the game in itself.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't win anything from recovery.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you might find relief.
• 17:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you might find comfort.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's there.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the ability is actually to live life.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's to go back to living.
• 18:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a focus on your dreams, your passions.
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And whenever you focus on living, life is going to throw things at you that you have no control over.
• 18:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you can't just alarm your way out of that.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have to face those things and deal with those things.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So these were the things that surprised me on the healing journey.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: My assumption was if someone just allowed and accepted the symptoms to be there, understood the mechanics, these things would come on its own.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what I found is that sometimes people that are dealing with these habits for years, for decades, sometimes it's a little bit difficult to see that.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I always say the best way out of this is through guidance.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just information, it's not just through a course.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those things can help illuminate those things, but it's about active participation because as you're going through this, you're going to feel challenges.
• 18:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so learning how to respond in those moments are really key.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoyed this video and I'll see you in the next one.