Latest / Questionable Detour / Puking on people in an elevator, trying on strangers' shoes, and drafting Anne Frank for combat

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Puking on people in an elevator, trying on strangers' shoes, and drafting Anne Frank for combat · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:24
  I don't want to understate the importance of this episode.
• 0:27
  This is episode 24 and each of our episodes are one hour in length.
• 0:33
  That means theoretically you could hit play on our episodes at 12 o'clock one night and then they'll be with us
• 0:41
  12 o'clock the next night 24 hours straight of just questionable detour with this podcast.
• 0:46
  I think that's what our folks have been waiting for. Yeah, they actually made a tv show about that jack bauer
• 0:51
  24. That's right. You got 24 of them. Very similar. If people knew how many terrorists we fought off
• 0:58
  before walking into this studio room, they would be impressed. They'd be like holy cow
• 1:03
  these guys know all kinds of different martial arts. They would also be impressed at how patriotic we are.
• 1:08
  They might say I didn't see that coming.
• 1:10
  They would also be impressed how many terrorists attack this this one room. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:16
  We're single-handedly holding off world war three and I think that's important that everybody knows that.
• 1:21
  And that's because you've been sending out emails to terrorist groups stating that you have a lot of top secret info
• 1:27
  about the united states. You always start off the message saying hey you up.
• 1:32
  Yeah
• 1:33
  Gotta make sure. I don't want them to be asleep and they get the message. I mean with the time difference
• 1:37
  They could be on the other side of the world. They could be here. But we don't know. We're not assuming.
• 1:42
  That's what you don't want to assume. You just you want to check with them. Hey, are you up and then send the message.
• 1:48
  They're like this is really informal of an email to be getting from the united states government. Is this jack bower?
• 1:57
  That's what it's a self-reflective question on his part.
• 2:00
  He asked the question in the email and also answers the question in the email. Is this jack bower? Yes, this is.
• 2:07
  I have top secret information.
• 2:09
  What do you think 24 hours of questionable detour does to the human psyche if somebody were
• 2:14
  theoretically going to hit play at one hour of the day and then the
• 2:18
  very next day it's still going. What do you think that does?
• 2:21
  I think we probably wouldn't be worrying as much about cancer. It'll be cured by whoever did that. Because they died?
• 2:28
  Because they they have so much knowledge of they have 24 hours worth of constant knowledge from us.
• 2:34
  They'll immediately go do something great like cure cancer.
• 2:37
  Yeah, but yeah, I mean 24 hours of questionable detour you live in an unprecedented time. Sure
• 2:43
  you could have lived in a time when polio vaccination was created.
• 2:47
  You could have been there at the fall of the roman empire. You could have seen historical historical situations
• 2:54
  but we need to be aware that we're living in a historical moment right now.
• 2:59
  You are blessed to be able to be around when you can listen to 24 hours straight of this stupid podcast. That's right.
• 3:06
  You're welcome America.
• 3:08
  And other countries.
• 3:10
  Yeah, we're not we're not just limiting this to uh to America. We have international listeners. We quite literally can't.
• 3:16
  It's uh, it's on the inter-wide web. Yeah, which probably should concern us more.
• 3:21
  This is being recorded and broadcasted to the entire flat earth. You know nobody
• 3:26
  Nobody is uh, nobody's trying to stop us yet. No, we're waiting for that slot team to bust through that door.
• 3:34
  What episode is it that you think we get censored on? Man?
• 3:37
  I thought it was gonna be around five with the stuff we put into these microphones.
• 3:41
  The fact that we made it to 24 either says that we're not actually getting it out or the
• 3:47
  United States government. They just need more evidence.
• 3:51
  The United States government is not good at finding where it's coming from.
• 3:54
  I like to imagine there's some government room with a big like a boardroom table
• 3:58
  and it's just a bunch of stressed out government employees where the ties pulled down a little bit and they're just like
• 4:04
  Racking their brains like where is it coming from? Where is the broadcast coming from? It's just playing in the background.
• 4:12
  People are just yelling get me those numbers. You know
• 4:15
  The the general with all his stars on his shoulder comes in. Where are we?
• 4:19
  We still haven't found it, sir. And they're trying to like piece together our conversations and they have like one of those boards with the strings to each conversation
• 4:26
  It's just like crisscrossed all over the place. Like none of it makes sense. They're using boards with strings
• 4:33
  Yeah, map out the conversation, you know
• 4:35
  From one topic to the other and our government has gone low tech for this. Our government is full of old people. Yeah
• 4:41
  Yeah, well they like to keep it. They don't know how to use anything being newer
• 4:45
  Than string and a core. They're like we could figure it out if we knew how to open a pdf
• 4:50
  I guess we'll never fight them
• 4:53
  I like to think they have our uh mug shots up on that board with like the strings going from one place to the other
• 4:59
  Have you ever been arrested? I mean, no, but it's not hard to take a mug shot
• 5:03
  You just so our government who can't use excel is going into photoshop and making a mug shot
• 5:09
  But they don't have a picture of us. So it's just like somebody's
• 5:11
  Weird rendition of what we might look like they've got like a sketch artist
• 5:18
  Like a picture of evan like leaving uh, dunkin donuts or something with sunglasses on
• 5:25
  Kind of like the unibomber sketch
• 5:28
  But it's like my whole body and it's fleshed out like that one episode where we talked about how my body was a pyramid
• 5:34
  Yeah, they have that they're like we have one description of it
• 5:37
  This is all we know like why do these why do these descriptions not line up?
• 5:44
  No human looks like this
• 5:47
  Maybe they aren't human, sir
• 5:49
  And everybody that we talk about that's made up on the show. They like they claim as our associates
• 5:53
  Yeah, they're like we got to look into steve. They're looking for a bunch of ludicrous people that will never exist
• 6:00
  Because we have something else that happened this week that I think we have to touch on
• 6:03
  Technically alan happened this week. Yeah, so many years ago. So do you want to touch on him? I do want to touch on him
• 6:09
  Okay. All right. Here we go. Would you like to tell everybody? What was what was so special about alan this week?
• 6:15
  Well one day this week in the background of whatever room we were in our each respective homes
• 6:21
  This magic moment started playing um, and at that point we knew alan's birthday is afoot
• 6:25
  And so we had to celebrate accordingly. Um, and I know we had to celebrate
• 6:29
  Alan's birthday is afoot and so we had to celebrate accordingly. Um, and I know when it was my birthday we asked
• 6:34
  What did I do? So I think it's only appropriate alan. Um for your birthday. What happened? What'd you do? How'd you celebrate?
• 6:40
  How did you celebrate your birthday? Thank you for asking. I woke up and just chugged two full gallons of two percent milk
• 6:49
  Healthy boy strong bones
• 6:54
  Milk does the body good
• 6:56
  Uh
• 6:58
  Not only are you puking because of the amount of just dairy but also just the fact that you're lactose intolerant
• 7:05
  Well, we buy lactate. Okay, it's easier on the easier on the the body and if I can bring this up again
• 7:11
  Um last time we talked about lactose intolerance. We call that a dairy error. That's right dairy error
• 7:16
  I think that was a dairy error, but looks like it was a calculated dairy
• 7:20
  I mean the milk consumption that makes it seem like you're only allowed to do it during your birthday and that's why you
• 7:25
  Over indulge. Yeah, it's kind of like a treat. Yeah
• 7:29
  You can't get that at the store every day. Oh man
• 7:32
  I I just imagine katie turns the corner to your kitchen and you're there in the light of your refrigerator. It's early
• 7:38
  Yeah, why yeah sun hat come up. Yeah sun sun does not come up. You only do these actions in the dark
• 7:45
  And that that light of the refrigerator is illuminating you as the milk running down your chest
• 7:50
  Because you're not getting it all in your mouth. No, no, it's definitely definitely missing
• 7:53
  You got your wife beater on it's just soaking in your wife
• 7:57
  Hey, that's more clothes than I would I imagine you'd wearing I just I thought you were wearing some crisp whitey tidies
• 8:02
  And that was about it. Just a wife beater
• 8:07
  Lucky Katie you're going full dangle
• 8:12
  You go full dangle going full winning the poo is
• 8:19
  I'm gonna say that's the oj special but
• 8:21
  Yeah, oh
• 8:24
  Man, yeah katie your wife is the blessed person. I don't know if she realizes it but um
• 8:32
  What a way to celebrate. Yeah, what a way to celebrate anything else happen that day or you just
• 8:37
  It's just a two percent. You're out for the count at that point
• 8:41
  Two percent put you under what I do when I come on my birthday
• 8:45
  Um, I walk around and kind of go up to people and I just kind of look at him and nod and smile
• 8:52
  Ask him how their day's been going anything anything special special happening. It's my birthday. You just whisper
• 9:01
  They can smell the milk on your breath
• 9:06
  Was it fresh milk or is it rotten? They're smelling it either way they can smell it that's tough
• 9:11
  Yeah, a whole gallon of that stuff you're gonna smell it
• 9:16
  I think a gallon of anything gives you gives off a smell the puke
• 9:22
  Yeah, I uh, I kind of kind of force people to wish me happy birthday
• 9:25
  Yeah, yeah, obviously really put them in the awkward situation corner room. Yeah, but guess what day it is. Oh man
• 9:31
  Well, all right, you know
• 9:33
  That's how you celebrate a birthday that's drink a ton of milk puke ever force people to wish you happy birthday
• 9:37
  Yeah, but uh, there you go birthdays and listen anybody wants the government. Don't don't tell don't tell the government where we are
• 9:45
  Let's keep this hidden. I feel like we're you know, as long as it's hidden. We feel special
• 9:50
  We feel like we're we have a goal, you know, but um, let's do some hypotheticals
• 9:54
  Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract purely hypothetical question?
• 9:59
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question. Well, that's a hypothetical question
• 10:05
  All right. So we just got an email here in our wonderful wonderful windows computer
• 10:11
  It just popped up the computer's just just a humming away
• 10:14
  Right when we right when dial-up connected to it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you I don't know if you can hear the dial-up in the background
• 10:21
  I'm I'm sure you'll be able to when this when this airs but uh, it says ola questionable detour guys
• 10:27
  That's fancy. Does he know our name? I mean international listener
• 10:30
  Impossible
• 10:33
  He says I would like you to know that I am emailing you from an elevator
• 10:37
  My question is how do you guys handle awkwardly being in an elevator? Because that just sucks. It's so awkward
• 10:44
  Love the pod though. James p I assume that's his last name and not the current action he's taking
• 10:50
  I sure hope not
• 10:52
  Well, first of all, james, we're more than just this podcast. So I don't know if i'm zack. This is alan
• 10:57
  This is evan. Yes, we're just not the questionable detour guys. Like I feel like you should know our names
• 11:02
  If you listen to where my existence starts, this is your eyes. Yeah, it's all I got to live for at this point
• 11:08
  I'm cool with it. Yeah. Thanks james. Um keeping you from the news really
• 11:14
  This keeps our names out of it too to keep the government, you know, yeah
• 11:19
  Out of our business, um, but all right james, I assume you're on an elevator with a another group of strangers
• 11:25
  Which can be awkward. So i'm glad you wrote in and asked us, you know, what do we do?
• 11:29
  How long was that elevator ride? He had the time to open up email and type that out not it wasn't very well typed
• 11:37
  It never is it never is
• 11:39
  This one's better than usual though. There's periods. I think I think you just had one typo in that one, but most of the time
• 11:47
  You got to do a lot of uh, it's like somebody they take their phone open gmail and just toss it down a staircase
• 11:52
  It's there's periods and complete sentences. So that's really that's the bar
• 12:00
  I think we can forgive that james doesn't know our name
• 12:03
  But um, what do we do? What do y'all do when you're in an elevator packed with a bunch of strangers or maybe one stranger?
• 12:09
  What's more awkward? What's more awkward on an elevator? Maybe there's like five strangers or there's just one other stranger other than yourself
• 12:15
  I think it's more awkward if it's just one person. Yeah, okay
• 12:18
  Usually because then it's like yeah, it's up to you. Yeah, you know, it's on your shoulders
• 12:22
  Yeah, you feel like you have to entertain them
• 12:25
  Really do I don't want other people to be like inconvenienced. Yeah, so so let's let's do that
• 12:30
  Then let's assume james he didn't tell us let's assume james was on an elevator with just one other person
• 12:35
  And he was fighting the awkwardness with writing an email
• 12:37
  What do y'all do when you are on an elevator with one other person? Well with one other person
• 12:41
  I feel like it's important
• 12:42
  Like I said, I don't want any convenience people and I want people to feel safe secure in all that
• 12:47
  So I think it's important to really get as close to them as you can
• 12:51
  Um, so they feel comforted. Uh, they don't feel like there's this open space, you know in the elevator that they have to explore
• 12:58
  So really just get as close to them. Maybe back them into a corner if you have to
• 13:03
  Elevators are full of corners. Yeah, there's four of them. So
• 13:07
  Keep them in one
• 13:08
  You got four choices. It's a 25 shot whichever one you want
• 13:12
  Preferably the one away from the buttons though
• 13:15
  That's just because you don't want them accidentally hitting buttons when you give them too much control. Yeah
• 13:20
  Yeah, you don't want them to think that they have to think for themselves. Yeah, that's right
• 13:23
  Yeah, because you don't know what's gonna happen when you back someone into a corner
• 13:27
  But it's important that you do back somebody into a corner
• 13:30
  What do you do when you back them to the corner? Like let's say you you hit one of the corners
• 13:34
  Stellar accuracy you back them in what happens next? So it's kind of like a border collie her sheep
• 13:40
  Yeah, you go around one corner and then you have somebody comes in over the intercom and they go
• 13:46
  Whoa left left left and then you go around to the left
• 13:50
  And they see them kind of starting to shoot right? They're like come by come by and then you go around to the right
• 13:57
  Is there a third person in this elevator that has you on a leash? Yeah, is it an irish person?
• 14:02
  Did you make it? I we're in a turtleneck
• 14:06
  One of those like flat golf hats. Yeah
• 14:08
  They're not an elevator. They're just watching on the camera and they come over the intercom. Okay, they're watching from the uh,
• 14:14
  The the fire station, you know where they have the right? Okay. Yeah
• 14:17
  So you just have you just have an irish man that you work with. Yeah, he's wearing a wool turtleneck
• 14:22
  Yeah at a local fire station
• 14:25
  Um, he's tapped into the cameras. Does he work there? No, no, no, he he's a hobbyist
• 14:31
  I feel like for an eye if you had an irish accent you probably walk into anywhere like it's so
• 14:35
  Tresworthy there's no way an irish man is doing anything wrong. Yeah, and some traditional red hair. Yeah, like who's gonna stop you
• 14:41
  Yeah, you know, I got some freckles and red hair. Yeah a little irish accent. Who's gonna look at you weird? Nobody
• 14:47
  Not a single person when you start now when you start giving direction to another grown man in an elevator to corner another grown human being
• 14:53
  You might get some weird looks that'll raise some eyebrows
• 14:56
  Um, but like a true irish man, he pushes through pushes on and he hurts those sheep
• 15:01
  So by sheep you mean human and now this seems like it takes a lot of training. Do you do training with this irish man?
• 15:07
  Uh outside of this or is it just kind of uh, yeah, we have a mock elevator at uh, was it just a box?
• 15:13
  Yeah, it's a cardboard box. It's in a location. I won't disclose but is it at your house?
• 15:17
  I won't disclose the room back there had a closed door
• 15:20
  That's what's back there. Isn't it? It doesn't take me long to get there
• 15:24
  But I won't disclose where it is pieces of paper round pieces of paper taped up next to the door
• 15:28
  And I got before we get into this we like to put a we like to put a name with a description
• 15:32
  What's what's this guy's name?
• 15:34
  I don't need to ask that irishman jamison jamison. That's a good one tracks that is first name last time. You don't know
• 15:42
  What's your name? Jamison you just been calling on that
• 15:45
  So i'm drinking the whiskey one time. Yeah, okay
• 15:48
  That's it. And now do you have a lot of montages when you're doing these trainings? Yeah, um, it's a lot of
• 15:55
  70s punch dance music in the back. Absolutely
• 15:58
  And I of course have montages of me backing the test dummies
• 16:02
  Um that we use in practice which are of course live humans
• 16:06
  But we don't want to have to you know wrangle adults because you don't know how they're going to react to it
• 16:10
  So now are you on all fours when you wrangle these people? I try not to be
• 16:14
  But if the situation does present itself where I need to be on all fours
• 16:18
  Say they make a quick dash to the right and I need to be on all fours to aggressively get in front of them
• 16:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, then i'll i'll get on all fours if I have to so if you're on all fours
• 16:29
  And i'm the guy you're backing into a corner if I say sit will you instinctively sit?
• 16:33
  What if he does in an irish accent does that confuse you? Yeah, that's where it gets me if it's in an irish accent
• 16:38
  i'm like
• 16:41
  Thought there's only one irish man that exists
• 16:44
  Didn't come from the inner car. What's the end goal the end goal to like you keep the person in the elevator as comfortable as possible
• 16:51
  Got you. Okay, so it's just for their comfort. I see. Yeah, I see. Yeah, so once the elevator door is open
• 16:56
  And they're free to go. Oh, yeah, i'm on all twos and just all two. Yeah that classic thing
• 17:02
  I'm on all twos and you know, we both walk out and go our separate ways
• 17:05
  Just kind of get off like normal. Yeah, just walk out and say have a good day. Have a good day
• 17:10
  All bipedal
• 17:14
  Like a silly human I am
• 17:19
  Well, that's interesting you need to bring damason around I need we need an irish presence around here with that
• 17:24
  Will you be okay? Will he make you do like tricks? Will he help you turn tricks?
• 17:29
  Is jamison your pimp?
• 17:32
  We can try it out. Yeah, you see what happens. Yeah
• 17:36
  That's very good. That's very good. They'll border calling in the elevator
• 17:40
  All right, alan classic classic classic tactic james. There you go, man. I don't know
• 17:46
  Do we even need any more advice?
• 17:50
  I wonder if is james still in this elevator. Yeah
• 17:52
  Yeah
• 17:53
  Did he is he holding out until we until we get him the information?
• 17:57
  He's hit that stop elevator button. He's like this we're waiting till next monday
• 18:02
  He's just checking his downloads. Yes, we gotta gotta figure out what I need to do here. All right alan
• 18:06
  What do you what do you do when you're stuck on an elevator with at least one other person?
• 18:10
  Well, it's funny that you said what you just said about keeping them on the elevator because that's that's what I go to instantly
• 18:17
  I lead a very dull life without a lot of social interaction
• 18:21
  So anytime I can get somebody for lack of a better word trapped in a small space with me
• 18:25
  I want to keep them there for as long as possible. So i'm doing whatever I can i'm acting like I accidentally press the wrong button every time
• 18:34
  Sort of then i'll once once that gets old i'll pretend to fall onto the button
• 18:40
  And then i'll press the wrong one. You just got to get creative
• 18:43
  You know, you're like what floor are you going to and they're like, give me six and you're like eight. All right seven
• 18:47
  Six and eight. They're like no. No, I said six you're like eight six plus what?
• 18:54
  Plus one. Okay. What do you do if they try to press the button? Uh, just slap the hand out of the way
• 18:58
  Yeah, absolutely if they're boring. We're not boring people. We can carry a conversation, but they're boring
• 19:03
  Do you get on the emergency phone that's in there and start talking to the fire department?
• 19:07
  Yeah, what I do is I I need the fire department to be my friends, too
• 19:10
  Obviously, um, so I give them a call. I say hey nine one one
• 19:14
  One one
• 19:18
  And this is all to make the other person jealous on the elevator. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
• 19:21
  I want him to be like, you know, he does have another friend
• 19:26
  He knows one other person. Why why isn't he talking to me in that casual cool manner?
• 19:33
  He can't be that weird
• 19:38
  Yeah, he just knows that weird people know one person yeah, yeah
• 19:42
  Yeah
• 19:44
  So back on the elevator what what are the normal topics of conversation that you might bring up?
• 19:49
  When you have that one stranger on the elevator, I like to ask him where they get their shoes from
• 19:54
  Yeah, obviously I notice. Uh, I notice a good pair of loafers. I want to know where those things came from
• 20:00
  Do you try to take them off their feet despite their fight?
• 20:02
  Well what I do I size them up and i'm like, oh I think those shoes might fit me even if they
• 20:07
  Even if they're like a little bit too small so I just I go in real casual like because me and me and this person are friends now
• 20:14
  Yeah, at least i'm trying you know, hey man, let me let me let me grab a loaf
• 20:17
  So I kind of get down on one knee you say that to the other person and say let me let me grab a loaf
• 20:22
  Get down on one knee. I just start I just grab them by the ankle and just pull that shoe right off
• 20:30
  Because if you look confident doing anything you'll get away with absolutely it's a good good advice
• 20:36
  And so I just I just try on their try on their loafer if I like it
• 20:40
  I I give it a give it a once over around the elevator, you know walk around see how it see how it sort of feels
• 20:45
  Um, you're like, excuse me. Excuse me trying to get past them as you walk. Yeah. Yeah
• 20:49
  There's a lot of room to navigate in there whenever you have someone else kind of pushed up against the wall. Yeah
• 20:55
  They're not standing in the middle
• 20:58
  And then I get to looking at i'm like hey, well that's a nice belt
• 21:01
  Oh, okay care if I take that belt and they just give it to me and I just pretend to do my my whipping around
• 21:08
  Around the elevator try to pop the belt. Yeah, I do like impress them. I tell them i'm like look
• 21:13
  I know they said there's not going to be another indiana jones movie, but i'm gonna audition and i'm trying to get my whip
• 21:20
  my whip hand ready
• 21:22
  And so I just start whipping around the elevator
• 21:24
  Let me ask you this that part of your that part of the situation that part of your elevator
• 21:29
  Maneuver does that happen with everybody or does it just happen with white people? I don't whip them
• 21:36
  I don't think just kind of whipping around them. It's just whipping in the area
• 21:40
  Yeah, you know, I mean the elevator is not not very big but I tag them a couple times
• 21:47
  There's a straight there's a few stray hits
• 21:49
  You're not perfect. You're still learning. Yeah, look my aim's not great
• 21:54
  If it hits him, it's purely by accident
• 21:56
  Incident mainly what i'm doing is i'm on one side of the elevator. I'm trying to hit the buttons with the belt
• 22:03
  And then if that doesn't work
• 22:05
  I take that penny loafer out and I just start throwing them at the at the controls just trying to
• 22:10
  Trying to just keep us on the elevator. Yeah. Yeah, this is the stop of the belt. Do you try on the clothes?
• 22:15
  No, are you trying? I'm not a freak. Okay. Okay. Gosh didn't know how far this mugging went
• 22:20
  Yeah, this is not this is not a mugging. This is
• 22:23
  This is not what that is. This is one man trying to befriend another person in a confined space
• 22:30
  I don't I don't know what's so weird about that. Yeah, it's nothing weird. It's fine when you put it that way
• 22:34
  Yeah, but whenever you factor in the taking off their clothes their clothes. Yeah, whoa
• 22:40
  Half of their will we're taking off their shoes and their belt. Those are accessories at best. That's not clothing
• 22:47
  You're right, you know what you're fine. I guess when you put it like i'm gonna fight you. Yeah
• 22:54
  Oh, is that it what else you do? Is that it like you talk about their shoes?
• 22:58
  Is there another topic conversation that you like to bring up or
• 23:01
  I think I think probably off after all that you're probably at the floor you want to go though after you hit all those buttons
• 23:07
  You're probably stopping at every floor on the way up. Well, you're you're you end up accidentally going back to the bottom again
• 23:11
  Yeah, yeah, you know, we're just trying to keep it on there as long as possible
• 23:15
  But I mean that's good too. I like that. I like trying to be friend them being aggressive being aggressively friendly being
• 23:22
  Aggressively friendly and then shopping for shoes and belts
• 23:26
  Hey, you you get on the elevator not knowing what kind of shoes you like you get off knowing what you need to buy later
• 23:31
  Yeah, or you have do you know what not to buy? Yeah, do you keep the shoes? No, I definitely give them back
• 23:37
  Okay, afterwards. Um, but that's good. There you go. James try on other people's accessories quote unquote
• 23:43
  Not their clothes not their clothes. Don't be weird James their accessories
• 23:47
  Um, my approach for the elevator is a little different. I don't want to be friends
• 23:51
  I want to keep the people away from me as much as possible. Y'all are very friendly
• 23:55
  Y'all wanted to get close. Y'all are gonna feel each other's breath on that elevator. I don't want that
• 23:59
  Here's what I do handcuffs handcuff the people on the elevator behind their back stick them in a corner
• 24:04
  I don't want them around me. I don't want them looking at me then stick a finger start sticking down their throat
• 24:09
  Puking all over the elevator all over the other side of the elevator. This will keep them on the other side of the elevator
• 24:20
  And very afraid of you nobody is gonna mess with you if you have handcuffed them and
• 24:26
  Go to the other side of the elevator and you just start puking. What are you a bulimic cop?
• 24:33
  Oh my god, okay, hold on you said stick your finger down your own throat
• 24:38
  Yeah, yeah my thought you're sticking it down their throat and I was like that's a that's a little aggressive
• 24:45
  Well now that you say that I you know, I haven't got to the rose of my cancer yet, you know
• 24:53
  But yeah, they're gonna stay on the other side of the elevator there's no
• 24:56
  They're not gonna talk to me at all right and you kind of broken the awkwardness
• 25:02
  You don't want a small talk small talk is so tedious
• 25:05
  You're not gonna do that this way. You don't have to small talk with him at all
• 25:08
  You say turn around sir. You handcuff them you put them in the corner. You just start hocking it up
• 25:13
  Just tossing the cookies, you know, it smells bad, right? Yeah, it's bad
• 25:17
  I mean, they're gonna be like, oh my god, I'm gonna be like, oh my god
• 25:20
  I'm gonna be like, oh my god, I'm gonna be like, oh my god, I'm gonna be like, oh my god
• 25:24
  Yeah, it smells bad, right? Yeah, it's bad. I mean that's that's got to be uncomfortable for you in the elevator
• 25:30
  It does and I've been back on elevators that I have tried this tactic out
• 25:35
  It still smells because usually those elevators might have like a carpeting in them and they just it lingers that gender
• 25:41
  He's tossing that little that powder. Yeah, powder soaking powder. Yeah, it doesn't get the smell out
• 25:48
  You know
• 25:49
  And then you're on the elevator and you've you're not gonna make friends with that person now, right? Like after those two things
• 25:55
  The the bridge has been burnt, right? I would say so most people for most people. Yeah, but I I still want friends
• 26:02
  So what I do is I go up to the access panel right above your head
• 26:05
  And I let in all the cats that i've had up there for like the past couple weeks. Oh storing cats up there
• 26:11
  This is very premeditated. Yeah, you got a lot. Yeah, there's cats up there. I kind of premeditated
• 26:16
  I realized the elevators that i'm gonna be on and I can just kind of have cats up there and then you know
• 26:20
  When i'm on the elevator and i've burnt the bridge of friendship with this other person
• 26:24
  I just start letting cats down there
• 26:25
  There's probably 12 12 cats and so now this person is having to deal with throw up the smell and 12 very hungry cats
• 26:31
  That have not had any interaction with humans and have not been fed in weeks. They just start lapping up the vomit
• 26:37
  Well, they are attacking the person. Yeah, there's a lot of scratches on the legs. So you just got loose cats up there
• 26:42
  Yeah, loose cats. Yeah, the elevator ride sound like a chore for you
• 26:45
  I take the stairs a lot
• 26:47
  You plan out elevator rides more than most people plan vacations
• 26:52
  But you say that it doesn't take a lot of planning the throwing up is easy. I have handcuffs
• 26:57
  Like it's not an issue the cats are thinking about the logistics of getting those cats
• 27:00
  So logistics of the cats are it's kind of difficult, but really it's not that hard
• 27:04
  You just collect cats you go in the building at night
• 27:07
  Access one of the elevator doors and just start tossing them down the elevator shaft
• 27:10
  They land on their feet are still gonna be there when you come back
• 27:13
  There's a lot of times that open the hatch from above and just dead cats fall
• 27:18
  It's just kind of the cat bodies or no cats at all. There's always cats up there
• 27:22
  I don't know if the cats can move. I don't know a lot about elevator shafts, but I don't know
• 27:25
  I don't think cats can escape an elevator shaft. I'm sure they could try they can try
• 27:30
  There has been a couple times where that's happened and it is a it is a mystery
• 27:34
  It goes on to the x-files. Yeah, I have no idea how those cats no idea how it disappeared
• 27:39
  So weird like I open up that hatch right above me and the x-files theme song starts playing
• 27:44
  I'm confused the person behind me is confused because they're like, why is he?
• 27:48
  Why is he confused that he just opened up the access panel? And where is this music? Yeah?
• 27:53
  It's the iris guy that i've been at. He's also he's also helping me out
• 27:57
  He's also your guy, but he's just whistling the x-files because you know irish people are good whistlers. I think that's a that's a cliche
• 28:04
  Weird stereotype
• 28:07
  Yeah, you can you can you can imagine that when the elevator finally gets to its
• 28:12
  Final destination that person gets off pretty quick. I think they keep the handcuffs
• 28:15
  I I usually don't even take the handcuffs back. I was gonna ask do you uncuff them or you just no
• 28:19
  They just kind of run sprint out. I eat hearty meals before I go on this so they're when I eventually unload all over the floor
• 28:28
  Oh
• 28:30
  Blasphemy rephrase that uh, yep
• 28:35
  When I eventually
• 28:37
  Vomit all over the floor. They're ready to they're ready to get off the elevator
• 28:41
  Yeah, I can imagine and do you watch them run out of the elevator?
• 28:44
  Have you ever seen somebody run with their hands behind their back? It's not graceful. It's not graceful and they slip all over the vomit
• 28:50
  Yeah, yeah, it's
• 28:51
  it's gross you've ever been in an elevator and done your whole thing and you're just
• 28:55
  Projectile vomiting everywhere and the other guy in there just goes eggs
• 29:01
  My man breakfast for dinner
• 29:05
  Oh, no, there hasn't been any positive responses to this usually it's them puking from my puke people don't handle puke well
• 29:13
  No, so they're puking i'm puking
• 29:15
  It's by the time the elevator door is open on that fight the floor that gets to it's just kind of like an overflow of just
• 29:21
  Vomit do you set a whole lot with your vomit?
• 29:23
  Do I set it like I walk like I walk around like i'm an orcan man. Yeah. Yeah praying for bugs
• 29:34
  Like you miss that forever
• 29:36
  You're like get done with it and you're like, oh, I missed a corner. Um, and then you're just like vomit into the corner
• 29:43
  Yeah, you know, i'm very thorough
• 29:45
  Between my vomit the person's vomit and all the cats they're vomiting all the hairballs. Yeah
• 29:51
  Yeah, it it it covers the surface area. That is that elevator. I gotta say this elevator ride with you sounds like a nightmare
• 29:57
  It does hey listen and that's how I designed it because again, I don't want the small talk
• 30:03
  I won't do anything to get out of the small talk and I have found the perfect way to get out of it
• 30:07
  So james james james there you go, man bill if we can call you that
• 30:13
  James p man
• 30:15
  James p
• 30:17
  You call him an elevator dude. Yeah, you won't have anybody messing with you the awk you will cut the awkwardness right out of it
• 30:23
  The easy answer and the answer that regular people unwise people will give you is just put headphones in
• 30:30
  That's not right. We're not taking the easy way out here james. Don't take the easy way out
• 30:34
  Don't try to avoid eye contact face it anybody can do that. Look them straight in the face
• 30:40
  Don't break eye contact back them into a corner comfort them or vomit all over the place after you've handcuffed them
• 30:47
  Or try their accessories
• 30:50
  Does that make you happy james is this what you wanted
• 30:54
  You have brought this into the world if if anything, it's your fault james. I agree
• 30:59
  We can't be held liable for the things we say
• 31:02
  Um, but there you go james. That's what we do on elevators now
• 31:06
  This isn't necessarily our advice segment. So you don't necessarily have to do these
• 31:11
  I mean you can put in headphones and ignore the people
• 31:14
  That's the easy way out anything worth doing is probably not easy to do
• 31:18
  Wiseman once said as we know the only difference between the advice and the hypothetical sections is the
• 31:24
  Hypotheticals you don't have to do the advice required by law
• 31:27
  So if you ask for advice you quite literally have to do it. Yeah, you have to do it. That's true
• 31:32
  But all right, but there you go james. So evan what's our uh, what's our next segment over there buddy?
• 31:38
  All right, the next segment we got cooked up for you folks is what do they say?
• 31:43
  So we'll hop into that real quick. Wait, wait, what did I say?
• 31:48
  What did I say
• 31:51
  Wait
• 31:54
  What did I say
• 31:56
  We need to figure it out fast. All right. So today on what do they say?
• 32:02
  We got what do british people say you haven't heard this segment before i'll give alan and zach a
• 32:09
  Word or a phrase and they will respond with what they think the british person would say or call this
• 32:16
  In that situation, so we'll go ahead and kick it off here boys. Are you ready?
• 32:19
  And shout out to our british listeners. We have a few hey guys. Let us know if you like this segment
• 32:25
  Yeah, let us know what you think
• 32:28
  After we get done with what we're about to say we might the uk just may go silent. Yeah
• 32:34
  It'll go dark on that listener map
• 32:36
  We've come at them hot and heavy in the past, especially around july 4th. Um, a lot of hate mail towards them
• 32:43
  Well, we're trying to connect with them. Yeah, trying to meet them where they are. Yeah. So anyway, all right
• 32:47
  So first one boys, what do you think british people call a jacket like we call it in america?
• 32:52
  They probably call it like a heat coat the heat coat. It's not bad. Grab my heat coat from the chestershire
• 33:02
  From wellington, maine
• 33:05
  I'd say they'd probably call it like a the outer cloak the outer
• 33:10
  Because they are all wizards if they they are
• 33:14
  They actually bring me my outer they call it jumper a jumper. Yeah
• 33:18
  All right, what do you all think they call the restroom the restroom the the pp station
• 33:27
  I need to go use the pp station. You think they only you'd go number one in the bathroom
• 33:33
  Not really sure
• 33:34
  Find the pp. Poo poo station evan
• 33:37
  I need to go use the pp. Poo poo station
• 33:41
  Surely they're just calling it the the washroom, right? It's actually the loo the loo the loo
• 33:46
  You gotta use the loo you think that's offenses of people named loo
• 33:52
  Lou just feels so used
• 33:56
  All right, what about the subway I actually know this one not the not the restaurant
• 34:00
  Yeah, yeah, I mean they may call the restaurant this too, but it might be a little bit as much as like making up
• 34:06
  British terms. It's the tube it is they call it a tube. Yeah, I actually know that one
• 34:11
  All right
• 34:11
  So those are some commonly known ones will venture off into a couple that maybe are less common to us americans, right?
• 34:18
  Let's let's teach let's teach some americans some english
• 34:21
  All right, boys. What do you think?
• 34:23
  British people call a bed the sleepy bye-bye square
• 34:28
  This time it is nine o'clock. It's time to go to the sleepy bye-bye square the old feather bag
• 34:35
  The old feather bag's good it's been a long morning. I need to go hit the old feather bag
• 34:42
  I'm going down for my nap on the old feather bag. The tea has just put me down
• 34:50
  Um, I don't know what it's called, but that is i'll go with feather down i'll give that one down
• 34:55
  Wow, man, I didn't realize it's such a competition. I'm gonna try harder
• 34:59
  I'm gonna try harder
• 35:01
  Okay, wow, man, I didn't realize it's such a competition. I might have to try harder
• 35:05
  At this point. We're not we're not guessing what's right. It's it's guessing what evan lightweight thinks british people would think is funny
• 35:13
  This is evan's vision of what british people are
• 35:17
  So we've got bed as the feather bag, right? Is that what you said? Yeah the feather bag
• 35:23
  Uh, what do you think they call a book the little squiggles?
• 35:27
  Have you read the newspaper with all the little squiggles? I think they also call it a ye old text
• 35:33
  Anything any any words the ye old text. I think they call every book the good book the good one
• 35:42
  All right, what do you think they call a birthday card or like a greeting card the birth pamphlet
• 35:47
  Here is your birth pamphlet with your butter. I don't know what they give for birthdays
• 35:51
  Butter seems like a very british thing to give each other
• 35:53
  Here's your birth pamphlet with your ascot
• 35:58
  It was a greeting card they'd give they'd say uh the old how do you do
• 36:03
  They don't specify it's a card. They just call it the old how do you do
• 36:08
  The old how do you do in little squigglies?
• 36:11
  What do you think they call a spoon spoon the rounded fork you can't eat soup with a fork
• 36:18
  You need the rounded fork. I'd say they they'd call it the old jimmy's shovel
• 36:31
  Um, okay, what do you think they call what do you think they call a sword they call it the old colonizer
• 36:38
  It's kind of what i was gonna say the old colonizer the hand of imperialism
• 36:42
  Oh, that's good
• 36:47
  What do you think they call a sidewalk the foot around?
• 36:51
  Don't stand on the carways standing on the foot around
• 36:56
  Little walkington
• 36:59
  The foot street the foot street what do you think they call a clock the old tick tockeroo
• 37:04
  It is 9 a it says 9 a.m
• 37:06
  On the old tick tockeroo. That's why they call your heart the old ticker
• 37:10
  They call it uh the little bin
• 37:18
  To them a clock is just a bin
• 37:23
  Yeah to them big bin is even a thing that's just the big man it's just big
• 37:27
  What do you think they call a watch the mobile bin?
• 37:30
  The bin on your the mobile bin
• 37:33
  In what do you think british people call an outlet electrical outlet an electrical outlet the zappy holes
• 37:40
  Go ahead and plug it into the zappy holes. The confounded electricity is working today. They probably call it her majesty's power
• 37:49
  By god's great earth and the ma the majesty's power go ahead and plug that thing into her majesty's power
• 37:55
  Uh, so what do you think they call it whenever they have a big failure or like an epic mess up?
• 38:05
  We just failed. Yeah, like a failure. What do you think british people call that? I think they call that a margaret thatcher
• 38:15
  They probably call it an oopsie doopsie oopsie doopsie lemon poopsie i messed up
• 38:21
  They actually call it a cock up a cock up
• 38:23
  That well well
• 38:26
  That's lowbrow even for us. Come on brett's be better
• 38:30
  What do they what do you think british people call it whenever?
• 38:33
  Someone's angry at them or they're shocked at what someone said by the beard by odin's beard
• 38:43
  They call it the old chip shocker
• 38:45
  Rude they say well i'm just ship shocker rude at this
• 38:53
  I think that's better than what they actually say they like when when they found that the united states gained the independence
• 39:00
  There's a lot of shit happening out there
• 39:03
  King george was like i'm so shit
• 39:09
  That's an oopsie poopsie
• 39:12
  Is america doing an oopsie poopsie right now
• 39:14
  No, or are they taking a piss?
• 39:20
  All right, how do you think they describe ages like something that's been forever it's taking ages it's taking forever
• 39:28
  Yeah, or this is taking one queen elizabeth's
• 39:35
  That was three queen elizabeth's ago how many philips has it been
• 39:40
  I just used monarchs. It's good. I like that
• 39:47
  Actually use donkey's years
• 39:50
  We're not that far off with the stuff we make up
• 39:53
  donkey's years years it's been a donkey's year
• 39:57
  We're not that far off from the stuff. We make up. What do you think a polite euphemism for going to the toilet is?
• 40:03
  In british terms they go, uh, i've got to go to the blitz of britain
• 40:07
  Is time to brexit
• 40:15
  I must
• 40:17
  Um, they actually say spend a penny
• 40:22
  Gosh we're not that far off
• 40:25
  I just want to know how you guys think british people greet each other when they were
• 40:29
  You know walk into a room with another british person and they go to greet one another. What did they say?
• 40:34
  Uh, like an upper middle class greeting. Give me that do they just grab them each other by the waist and
• 40:40
  Give you a little peck on the forehead
• 40:42
  One on each cheeky one on the forehead
• 40:45
  Who have you colonized today, sir?
• 40:47
  Um, give me a kiss on the lips
• 41:00
  Give me an old sloppy top
• 41:06
  All I was looking for was how do you do
• 41:11
  That suffices oh man
• 41:13
  I might have missed the mark on that sloppy top. I like that. I think that one works better
• 41:18
  That was an old that was an old oopsie poo right there
• 41:22
  What do you think a phrase for
• 41:25
  Very enthusiastic or eager would be like they're excited to do something. Yeah, my knees are in my groin
• 41:33
  In
• 41:41
  That man his chimney is quite cheeky
• 41:52
  My chimney is cheeky for the football match today
• 41:57
  I'm gonna sweep out my chimney
• 41:59
  It is so cheeky. Um, it's actually as keen as mustard
• 42:07
  What does that even mean? They're just as cartoonist as we're making them right now
• 42:11
  We might not be saying the right answers, but they sound like something british people would actually say they're not real people
• 42:16
  They're cartoons
• 42:18
  What do you think they call an overreaction to a small or unimportant incident? Like if someone is blowing up
• 42:24
  Because they stub their toe on a dresser or yeah, they get mad
• 42:28
  Yeah, and they say no that person's a blank blank. Oh, yeah, they say you're being such a such a diana
• 42:35
  I I like I like to think I like to think they do downplay and be like you're being such a 1776
• 42:44
  It wasn't that it wasn't that important we didn't care about the colonies anyways
• 42:54
  Don't be such a 1776
• 42:56
  1776
• 42:57
  That's good though. How many british people do you think we made mad the four that we have?
• 43:01
  God, I I hope they I hope they all got mad at least at one of these
• 43:06
  But I hope another one also brought them around. Yeah, we're like, you know
• 43:10
  Maybe we should start calling them
• 43:13
  Maybe we are weird
• 43:16
  It's funny. It's funny that we still think that british people still dress like they did when we fought them
• 43:22
  That's the last time we cared
• 43:24
  We cut them off after that. Yeah
• 43:27
  Oh, man, that's good. I like I like that's good. I hope
• 43:32
  If you're if you're a brit if you're britain right now, let me just hold on
• 43:35
  Let me go ahead and tell you the the real answer to that last one was storm in a teacup
• 43:39
  See, I'm very british. Come on. It doesn't make sense. But what was the what was the question?
• 43:44
  Um an angry person you overreact. Oh, you're storming a teacup. Yep
• 43:50
  We're not that far off
• 43:52
  But um the four british people five british people we have listed in right now
• 43:56
  Tell go go to your british brothers just the brothers
• 44:00
  One of the sisters just the brothers and let them hear that show them that we can relate to the british way of life
• 44:08
  We're just like you
• 44:11
  We've seen all the same we've seen harry potter
• 44:15
  They're probably over there like well at least we can go to our schools without being shot
• 44:19
  What?
• 44:21
  And get them lads
• 44:24
  But there you go british people it's right is tell us what y'all say
• 44:27
  But we like we're ignorant. We're over here across the pond. We don't know what we're talking about
• 44:31
  But um, let's do a new segment
• 44:32
  So this next segment we've talked about it for a while and speaking of being across the ponds
• 44:37
  We love football and we love our basketball and big big portions of those sports are the drafts
• 44:44
  They're picking the people
• 44:45
  They're going to make their teams the best and we want to do that here now. Now. We're not picking for sports
• 44:50
  We're going to pick for various situations
• 44:53
  So for this situation for the draft we're going to do a draft today
• 44:57
  It's going to be if you were on a plane that was getting hijacked
• 45:00
  What three people would you go ahead and draft to help you get out of that situation? So, um, let's start it up
• 45:07
  Let's put let's put let's put 10 on the clock. Welcome back to this draft good young players with the traps all about here and in here are out welcome back to this draft
• 45:16
  I've never seen anything like this. All right, evan first you get first pick today
• 45:21
  first pick this is a
• 45:23
  Tough load. I got I get three people from any time in history to help me unhijack this plane. Yeah, if that's a word
• 45:30
  Unhijack the word to keep this plane from getting to retake
• 45:33
  Um, I think I think starting off i'm gonna have to go with dwayne the rock johnson dwayne the rock john
• 45:38
  Hey, he's been a good choice. He's been in so many action movies. Yeah, uh, you think you'd pick something up
• 45:44
  Yeah, he's got to have some kind of knowledge got his skill and if not, then he's just a big body to take bullets
• 45:50
  That's right
• 45:51
  You know, I like how your first pick is hoping that he's picked up some action
• 45:57
  Some some skills along his action movie career. He's a wrestler too. Yeah
• 46:02
  Yeah, I mean exactly he was a wrestler local, you know
• 46:05
  So I think it's a good pick because you know, it leaves me some fallback again
• 46:10
  If he doesn't know what he's doing, he's a shield. Yeah, absolutely. Just a big just big meat shield. Yeah
• 46:15
  All right first pick my first pick is going to be the classic prop comic carrot top
• 46:24
  Interesting choice not a lot of people had him going second
• 46:27
  Not a lot of people had him going second
• 46:29
  My my pick is carrot top and I might be reaching a little bit in this draft. I might be reaching I think so
• 46:35
  But um, here's here's here's why i'm going with carrot top pure distraction guy looks insane by himself
• 46:41
  Well, all of a sudden he starts pulling out props for specific situations out of a bag. You're not looking away from him
• 46:48
  It's gonna allow me to get behind these
• 46:51
  Terrorists and maybe grab weapons or take them down. So carrot top excellent choice
• 46:55
  I i'm going for something a little more defensive rather than offensive here. He's a dark horse for sure
• 47:01
  He's a dark horse and listen, I think he's gonna do great on the the old hijacker team
• 47:06
  I I hope the best for you. You picked a movie star a big one though
• 47:10
  All right, alan your first pick first pick for me is going to be just a classic hero of america in general
• 47:17
  He inspires people. Um, we're gonna go with uh general stonewall jackson
• 47:20
  Uh pre or post death we're gonna we're gonna have to say pre death, okay
• 47:27
  Just make it alive. You want him alive. I think I think his best work was done
• 47:31
  pre-death
• 47:33
  So you don't want just a body like a skeleton body, okay
• 47:37
  You know him, uh, hopefully he comes with this horse, you know, I want I want him in his peak battle form
• 47:42
  So i'm gonna say that comes with a horse
• 47:44
  You want the horse on the plane? Yeah, I mean it comes with him
• 47:47
  You have to buy an extra seat for an horse. I don't think so. He stores under the on the plane with the dogs
• 47:54
  So he had to go get the horse for the hijacking situation he does he does have to do that, okay
• 48:00
  But you know, I think he's a he's a uh, he was a natural leader of men, uh strong never mind
• 48:05
  You like him a little more now, don't you? Yeah, I get it. I get it now plus he has a really cool name
• 48:10
  You just call him stonewall stonewall. Yeah, you'll make the terrace shake in their boots when you go. All right stonewall
• 48:15
  Let's do this. Well, yeah, you know, I think he could really rally the rest of the people there together
• 48:19
  He might even uh, you know
• 48:21
  Give an impassioned speech and maybe a terrorist gets on our side. Yeah
• 48:25
  Very convincing stonewall jackson bring him back to the good side, you know, somehow better than carrot top
• 48:30
  Not the same reaction that I got for kind of an expected second
• 48:34
  So kind of fit the line. All right, alan your uh second pick we're gonna do snake here
• 48:38
  You're going snake draft with you. Yeah, i'm gonna go with uh the sandman himself adam sandler
• 48:43
  Um, now what does adam sandler bring to a hijacking situation? Well, he brings his uh, high brow humor
• 48:50
  Yeah, yeah, no, it's not gonna fit in the hijackers his low hanging basketball shorts. Yes
• 48:55
  Might get caught up in the seats could be you know seems like a hazard. Yeah. Yeah, but he's comfortable. He's loose
• 49:02
  He's ready to attack when he needs to one thing that people say about adam is he's really not afraid to do anything
• 49:07
  As seen by his uh by his film career. He will literally do anything. Yeah
• 49:13
  You just had to ask him you you just have to ask him
• 49:16
  Yeah, and I I think he's the kind of guy that would take one for the team. Yeah in a terrorist attack
• 49:22
  You're playing on the die. You're planning on him to not make it off the plane. I'm just saying it could happen
• 49:27
  Okay, it's always a possibility in these type situations adam's down for anything. Yeah, I just think he's a solid choice
• 49:33
  Yeah, absolutely. My second pick is going to be forrest gump tom hanks or forrest gump the character forrest gump
• 49:41
  So whether or not we decide that tom hanks is going to act as forrest gump or I actually find somebody that is forrest gump
• 49:47
  It's going to be forrest gump. And here's why think about it war hero been through combat has the autistic ability to hyper
• 49:54
  Focus on something and at that point he can hyper focus on the hijacking situation
• 50:00
  He's not going to come off of that and he had a successful shrimping business, which I think might play a part
• 50:05
  He probably has nets. He just knows how to work a room, you know, yeah
• 50:09
  He does he certainly does
• 50:11
  You know, he gets small talk he could find one of those terrorists and just start small talk
• 50:14
  Tell him about some chocolates. Yeah, I think all the talk he does is small talk. Yeah, he does big talk
• 50:19
  It's a big talk. No big talk with forrest but very fast
• 50:23
  We'll just you know, yeah get to the other side of the plane very quickly
• 50:26
  Um, whether or not he stops is going to be an issue. I think you know, it's a risk that i'm gonna have to take
• 50:31
  But it could continue running but again forrest gump is a guy who's gonna follow orders
• 50:35
  He's gonna follow orders. That's what i'm saying. You give you give him an order. He's gonna he's gonna carry out that task
• 50:40
  Absolutely, I think that's somebody you want on your team. Yeah, I mean think about all the people he saved nam
• 50:44
  He didn't say bubba
• 50:45
  He didn't save the one black guy that he was entrusted with but he saved the rest of them lieutenant dan came out
• 50:50
  All right lieutenant dan. He came out half a man. He was yeah in a hijacking situation
• 50:55
  If I come out as half the man I was rather than just completely dead. It's a w for me
• 50:58
  All right, your second pick my second pick. So i've already got the rock following that up
• 51:02
  I'm gonna have to go with nba legend muggsy bogues
• 51:06
  He's small but nimble and quick therefore he can maneuver underneath the seats the aisles
• 51:12
  Really get around the eyes of the terrorists and you know, try to get this plane back
• 51:18
  While the rock is up distracting doing whatever it is he does
• 51:21
  As a large man just be a good looking dude. Yeah, just just being just charismatic
• 51:27
  Yeah, I mean he is one of the most well-known people on earth
• 51:31
  So just having him on the plane the terrorist would be like is that the rock is that dwayne johnson dwayne the rock johnson
• 51:37
  I'm gonna take pictures with him. It'll allow the red it'll allow muggsy to you know, sneak his way around sneak about
• 51:43
  Yeah, maybe find his way into the cockpit retake the plane. Yeah. Yeah, so I think that's a solid thing
• 51:47
  So what's your third pick then? So this is this is the last person you're picking and you have your full team
• 51:52
  So pick wisely. I've got the big and beefy got the human meat shield. I've got the small and evasive
• 51:58
  I think the only thing missing would be kind of like a brains brains over bronze situation
• 52:03
  Yeah, you need somebody playing everything. So I think i'm taking steven hawking
• 52:07
  Not very mobile doesn't have to be he's the brains
• 52:11
  So he's gonna be the back of the plane at the at the handicap. He's gonna be like a bell to see much
• 52:16
  Yeah, he's gonna post up typing away. Take him down. Take him down win win defeat them
• 52:24
  Robotically computerized voicing his thoughts and propositions of how to best retake the plane
• 52:31
  And really directing muggsy and the rot and myself um on the best way to best strategy to retake the plane
• 52:37
  I think I think cb hawkins good like you need that brain
• 52:40
  So I think I mean overall I have the brains I have the brawn. I have I have a sneaky person to get around
• 52:44
  the plane
• 52:46
  Yeah, and really uh get done what we need to get done. I'm interested to see y'all's y'all's number threes the the
• 52:52
  Brain was a good choice. I I didn't I should have picked that but I mean my pick is in
• 52:57
  So here's my third pick, you know, what good?
• 53:00
  Is a intense situation that you're never going to overcome and win if you don't have somebody taking good notes
• 53:06
  That's why my third pick is gonna be n frank
• 53:08
  Like she's been in tough situations. She's taking good notes in those situations very famous for her diary
• 53:15
  So what i'm gonna have n frank back there just jotting down all the heroic stuff
• 53:20
  We do on that plane because what good is it if you don't have the fame after the fact once you overtake it
• 53:26
  You know can I I hate to even bring it up, but isn't she most famous for hiding?
• 53:31
  She is purely there to annotate. She's good at hiding. She's not gonna get in the way. She's just taking meeting minutes
• 53:38
  She's basically a court court reporter
• 53:42
  She's just in there a stenographer. Yeah
• 53:45
  She's just in there just taking notes quoting all the heroic things that I say, you know
• 53:50
  Me stepping one foot up on a you know knee up on a chair and saying something very elegant and powerful
• 53:57
  It's a forest gump and carrot top
• 54:01
  Pick no, I would like to see her notes after that like her, you know
• 54:05
  Her retelling of it because it's kind of like as the hijackers are walking past whatever little cubby. She's tucked away in
• 54:11
  He's like they're gonna stop
• 54:14
  Hopefully she realizes it's a different situation. She doesn't mean well you lived it once you lived a thousand times
• 54:22
  But um, I listen I picked n frank she's not gonna do anything very proactive or productive
• 54:27
  But I'm very confident in my first two picks that um, I just need somebody to write down what the rest of us do
• 54:32
  That's that's necessary. You need confidence in your team. Yeah, i'm very confident. All right, alan last pick
• 54:37
  This is your team
• 54:38
  So I think the only thing that my team is is missing right now and we've got the we've got the strong powerful leader
• 54:44
  We've got the essentially the distraction in adam sandler
• 54:48
  What we need is a small person to really get up there to sneak up to the front of the plane take it over
• 54:52
  Yeah, and that's going to be beaker for the muppets
• 54:56
  We're dealing with somebody who is just the perfect size and he's a scientist
• 55:00
  He's a scientist. He already kind of you know, general science, you know, he knows that kind of stuff
• 55:04
  I'm sure you learned about planes in general science, you know small perfectly shaped. He's he's compact. Yeah compact. It's great
• 55:11
  You don't have to buy a ticket for beaker like I pack him in my bag, you know, he's already there
• 55:16
  He's now financially it's fiscally responsible to choose beaker for my you know to pay for another seat, right?
• 55:22
  It makes it good now
• 55:23
  I know we have all lived in out in this kind of world where
• 55:26
  Where fake characters are real now in your case is beaker real or does a man come along with him that plays him as the puppet?
• 55:35
  Is jim henson?
• 55:37
  Yeah, are you is jim henson kind of attached to this choice?
• 55:40
  This is this is kind of a kind of a two birds with one stone situation gotcha
• 55:44
  Because not only do I get beaker but I also get jim henson pre-death
• 55:51
  You're really caught up on that
• 55:53
  Yeah, i'm just specified as well I didn't realize it was gonna be such an issue but uh,
• 55:58
  I think all of you guys chose living living uh, and frank's not living. Oh and frank. Yeah, she's not living
• 56:04
  But no, yeah, I get uh, I get I get jim henson
• 56:07
  So it's just jim henson fiddling around in the control panel with a puppet
• 56:10
  He knows everything that beaker's supposed to know i'm sure. Okay. Yeah, yeah, and you know beaker's not a big guy
• 56:15
  So if he's like hey jim pull that lever jim can just kind of reach over. Yeah and do it
• 56:19
  Now jim is actually his own sentient being as well
• 56:22
  Or is he only there to puppet beaker? So beaker beaker is the sentient being jim is
• 56:29
  Jim is just the the body that gets beaker where he needs to go. He's a tool. Yeah
• 56:34
  Yeah, he's a think of beaker as like the the parasite. I guess
• 56:38
  It's taking control of of jim. Yeah jim is inside beaker. It's a unique, uh
• 56:45
  Relationship i'll give you that. Okay. Okay. There you go. That's all our teams. So let's let's do a game
• 56:50
  We're gonna vote who gets off the plane alive, but you can't vote for yourself
• 56:55
  So basically you're voting between the other two people
• 56:58
  So evan go ahead and between me and alan who do you think will win?
• 57:01
  I have carrot top forest gump and frank alan has stonewall jackson adam the sandman sandler and beaker from the muppets
• 57:08
  Now that's a tough team tough tough tough choice between those two teams because you got you got stonewall
• 57:13
  That's kind of pulling you on for me. Yeah, but he's got carrot top. I just gotta say alan's got the star power here
• 57:19
  He's got stonewall. He's got beaker. He's got adam sandler. Um, that's gonna be hard to beat
• 57:23
  So I think i'm gonna have to go with alan here alan's getting off the plane
• 57:25
  I think I think if you're going comedian versus comedian, I think adam sandler beats carrot top every time
• 57:30
  I think he does I think he does that's tough. It might be true though. Well, that's disappointing
• 57:35
  That's disappointing that I might not be making it off the plane. It it hurts to hear him
• 57:38
  But carrot top is going to be a loss to this world
• 57:41
  There will be a great story written about it from the diary. Yeah, we'll tell and frank to toss it out the window
• 57:46
  I don't know
• 57:48
  Those pages burn
• 57:51
  Oh, man, between me and alan so I know alan's with stonewall
• 57:56
  Adam sandler and beaker with hinson. Um, and you had dwayne the rock johnson dwayne johnson muggsy bogues muggsy
• 58:03
  Steven hawking steven hawking is the thing that's gonna do it for me
• 58:06
  I think the brain power alone is gonna put you over the top
• 58:09
  You could plug that baby into the the mainframe mainframe. Yeah, you could you could hijack that
• 58:14
  Probably got a usb port somewhere
• 58:18
  So to sum it up you have a big beefy man a very sneaky athlete and
• 58:23
  Probably one of the smartest people that ever existed alan has a racist somebody that probably should wear
• 58:29
  smaller sorts
• 58:34
  And then a guy that likes having his hand up a puppet's butt i'm gonna say evan i'm gonna give evan the lean here
• 58:39
  I think steven hawking. I think the brain power alone is gonna put you over the edge there
• 58:43
  So I think I think you're gonna get out alive. I'm gonna have to also give it to evan
• 58:47
  Yeah, it's it's hard not to go with evan's but I wanted I do want to bring to light
• 58:51
  Uh dwayne the rock johnson has had a lot of experience in high pressure crash situations
• 58:57
  Um as far as the movies he's been a part of so i'm thinking he's probably taking taking some some knowledge
• 59:02
  He's learned on the sets and he might be able to might be able to help uh help out more than you would think
• 59:07
  I agree. So there you go. Evan. You're the winner. You're the winner of the first draft the first
• 59:11
  uh
• 59:12
  questionable detour draft with uh dwayne the rock johnson muggsy and steven hawking
• 59:20
  I would see that action for a minimal crew right there. Just give a quick speech. Um, yeah
• 59:24
  This is the first um won't be the last sir first. I want to say thank you to not only god but jesus
• 59:31
  I'll be back. This is not a one-time thing not one off i'll win i'll win pretty much all of these
• 59:36
  if only you were there in 2001 if
• 59:39
  If only me dwayne steven and muggsy were on that plane in 2001 things would be different
• 59:46
  There would be one less plane in the tower. That's all I gotta say
• 59:52
  Oh man, well there you go the first questionable detour draft. There'll be there'll be more there'll be more
• 59:56
  Let us know also if you have any draft suggestions. Oh and yeah and tell us who you thought won, you know
• 1:00:02
  Don't let us be the only judges here. Tell us who you thought won. All right guys. That's that's it
• 1:00:06
  That's all our stuff. You want to evan you want to give him a one-liner wisdom if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit
• 1:00:12
  Yep, okay
• 1:00:14
  It's one line. Hey somebody got away with that. So that was the basis for almost a whole quarter. Yeah a murder case
• 1:00:21
  Yeah murder case somebody got away with that one line wisdom. All right, alan one liner wisdom. What is it?
• 1:00:26
  Don't ever try to monitor a computer using a computer monitor
• 1:00:31
  I don't know what it means, but it makes so much sense. It makes so much
• 1:00:33
  How can you say something so brave yet so and I know i'm gonna get flagged for this
• 1:00:38
  Yeah, I know i'm gonna get flagged for that but come for me. Yeah
• 1:00:42
  I don't care. Well, where else can you go for that kind of wisdom qd qd?
• 1:00:45
  You know if you have a hypothetical you want us to do like james p today if you want
• 1:00:50
  Us to give you advice for whatever difficult situation you're in we can do that email us at questionable detour
• 1:00:56
  Podcast at gmail.com but uh, that's it you don't want to be done
• 1:01:00
  Yep, let's get it
• 1:01:02
  A little little little little little little
• 1:01:05
  Little little