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Blindsided by My Husband and Rebuilding My Future · She's On The Money

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Order
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Order Kerney Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before we
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would
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  Speaker 1: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
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  Speaker 1: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through
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  Speaker 1: as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
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  Speaker 1: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: some millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: one of our money jaries where I get the absolute
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  Speaker 2: pleasure of sitting down with one of our She's on
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  Speaker 2: the Money community members and talking to them all about
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  Speaker 2: their money story. Let's jump straight into it, because this
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  Speaker 2: week I got a message and it sounded like this, Hi,
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  Speaker 2: She's on the Money. I'm a thirty five year old
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  Speaker 2: mom of two with a story that serves as a
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  Speaker 2: cautionary tale for all women. Three months ago, after relocating
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  Speaker 2: to a news date with my husband. He blindsided me
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  Speaker 2: with the news that he was leaving. I absolutely had
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  Speaker 2: no idea it was coming. He's the tough part. We
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: had joint money. He earns three times what I do,
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  Speaker 2: and I have spent the last nine years out of
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  Speaker 2: full time work raising our kids. Now I'm having to
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  Speaker 2: pick myself up and reassess everything to start fresh and
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  Speaker 2: give my kids the life they deserve. Money, Diarist, that
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  Speaker 2: just feels like trash.
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  Speaker 4: That's one word for it, that's for sure.
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  Speaker 2: It's a bit more of a complimentary word I feel.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I've had some other words for sure that
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  Speaker 4: have had less letters that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: All right, Well let's start the way I always start, money, Darist.
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  Speaker 2: I'd love to know what grade would you give your
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  Speaker 2: money habits from A through to F.
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  Speaker 4: I am like a D, maybe even a D minus.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like you're not. But also we'll chat about it. Okay,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: all right, I need to know my favorite question. Can
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  Speaker 2: you tell me more about your money story. Let's go back.
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  Speaker 4: So I was raised in a regional town. I had
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  Speaker 4: two working parents. We would just what I would say
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  Speaker 4: was just like standard Australian middle class. You know, like
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  Speaker 4: nothing was extravagant. My parents worked in their jobs for
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  Speaker 4: like thirty years to put a roof over our heads,
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  Speaker 4: and you know, we had a holiday every couple of
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: years and that was it. That was it was good life.
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  Speaker 4: You know. My parents didn't really talk much about money, though.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: I often say, like, we can probably get into this
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: a little bit later, and we talk about some of
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: the other things I'm working on. But I always say
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  Speaker 4: my dad is very traditional country. He you know, don't
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: talk about sex, drugs, politics, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Not exactly horible. I'm from Tasmania, I get it. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: he's very taboo. Yeah, that's disgusting. You will never talk
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  Speaker 2: about that, let alone at the dinner table.
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  Speaker 4: Exactly. So I went to UNI, came out of UNI,
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: and not long after, when I was twenty two, just
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: graduated UNI, I met a cute boy.
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  Speaker 2: We love this, No we don't.
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  Speaker 4: We doesn't end well.
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  Speaker 2: I like com eating cuteboy.
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  Speaker 4: And anyway, we got together. He was eight years older
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  Speaker 4: than me. I was only twenty two and he was thirty.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's going downhill real quick.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's only in hindsight, you know,
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  Speaker 4: hindsight is twenty twenty that I can see that. I'm like, oh, well,
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: I was a thirty year old dating a twenty two
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: year old. Oh we know, we know well well because
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: I was young and easily manipulated exactly, and so from
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: that point on, he was already much further along in
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: his career. He always earned like triple what I. I
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  Speaker 4: came out of Union on a very low paying job,
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: and we essentially ended up joining living together pretty quickly
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  Speaker 4: after we got together, and then I got married very young.
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  Speaker 4: I had my first child when I was twenty seven,
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  Speaker 4: which is definitely younger than I would have planned that,
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  Speaker 4: but again he was eight years older than me, so
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  Speaker 4: he was ready for that, and I thought we'd committed
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  Speaker 4: to this life together, yeah, one hundred percent. And so
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: had my first child. Or supposed to go back to
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  Speaker 4: my job that I really loved, but do it in
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  Speaker 4: like a part time capacity, And when my daughter was
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  Speaker 4: about six months old, I got an email saying, like,
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  Speaker 4: your job still exists, but it's the job that you
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: had before, and it was full time in the city,
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: lots of travel. I didn't have family around where I
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  Speaker 4: was at the time, and so I had to make
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  Speaker 4: the decision to not go back to that job. I
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  Speaker 4: mean this was only like nine years ago, but part
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  Speaker 4: time work just was not as much of a thing
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: as it was then. And definitely flexible work.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like flexible work has really served recently
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: where people are realizing I think after COVID with all
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: of the work from home and like the work flexibly arrangements,
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: like it's definitely searched. But yeah, nine years ago, getting
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: a part time role was kind of like the golden goose.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Exactly, and especially in the kind of industry. And then
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: so I turned in and did some freelance work, which
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: I mean, look at how its pros and cons. I
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: think if anytime you want to start a business or
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: start being a sole trader, you want to do it
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  Speaker 4: because you've decided I'm ready for this, and I'm prep
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  Speaker 4: for this. And whereas I had to kind of do
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  Speaker 4: it as a necessity, so I didn't know how much
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  Speaker 4: to charge. I didn't know, you know, like a lot
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: of my old workplaces became my client, so that kind
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: of made it a bit easier. And I continued on
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: doing that all the way through for another three years
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  Speaker 4: till I had my son, and then when he was younger,
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  Speaker 4: I went back to work, but I basically just worked
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  Speaker 4: part time in jobs that I would say below my capabilities.
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  Speaker 2: That's the journey, right like, And I'm not saying it's
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  Speaker 2: okay that it's like the small steps that you make
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: for your family that are sacrifices that you go, that's okay,
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  Speaker 2: we'll sort that out. That's okay, we'll sort that out.
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  Speaker 2: And then you fast forward and realize that all of
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: those time, any little steps that you thought you were
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: making that were in the best interest at the time
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  Speaker 2: were actually not in your best interests exactly.
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  Speaker 4: Because I was thinking of us and I wasn't thinking
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  Speaker 4: of me. And now, like I said, it is a
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  Speaker 4: cautionary tale, it's bitten me in the bum. I had
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: no separate money from him. I always felt sort of
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: at the mercy of that he we're both terrible with money,
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  Speaker 4: and I am open to admitting that, but he kind
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  Speaker 4: of isn't. And we got a financial advisor a few
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  Speaker 4: years ago, and I was very open about that, you know,
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  Speaker 4: we're terrible with money. Help us, you know, And one
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  Speaker 4: of the suggestions he had was, look, I can basically
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: take control of your money and give you guys essentially
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  Speaker 4: like an allowance each week, and I'm like, great, yep,
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  Speaker 4: that's the level of oversight we need. My husband didn't
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  Speaker 4: like that. I think it's a bit of an ego
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  Speaker 4: thing maybe for a man, a control thing for sure,
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  Speaker 4: because you know, he would get a new hobby every
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: couple of months and just go and spend Like why
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  Speaker 4: and I are people this well because they haven't been
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: to therapy and dealt with the root cause of what's
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: going on.
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  Speaker 2: Oh ah yeah, yeah, that makes a lot more sense.
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  Speaker 4: Now, yeah, yeah, because why do that when you can
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  Speaker 4: just fill the void with buying new things? Oh you know?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, like why I spend money on therapy?
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: That ah?
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  Speaker 2: So smart, so smart, so smart. So what happened after that?
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: So we moved recently, we did a big move into
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  Speaker 4: state move.
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  Speaker 2: The audad sorry, like I don't know enough about this situation,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: but the audacity on that man to let you move
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  Speaker 2: states and then go by the way not feeling this. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: also to.
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  Speaker 4: Move away from family that was in my other city.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Moving from home to somewhere else, you're probably thinking new life. Great,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: We've got these great opportunities as a family. Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: So oh mate, Like the week before he sat down
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  Speaker 4: and told me this on a random Thursday night. I
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: was literally drinking a cup of tea on the couch
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  Speaker 4: and he sat down and said, I can't do this anymore.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry, what so you can't do what me during because
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  Speaker 2: that's currently where we're at.
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  Speaker 4: Exactly, like that is our life stage to deal with it.
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  Speaker 4: And the week before that we had met with our
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  Speaker 4: financial advisor to talk about buying a property here. No,
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  Speaker 4: you know, And now he wants to turn around and say,
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  Speaker 4: you should have known you can't act.
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  Speaker 2: What do you mean I should have known you're literally
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: talking with a financial advisor about another commitment together.
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  Speaker 4: And this is the thing, right And I know it's
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  Speaker 4: so cliche for a woman to say in twenty twenty four,
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  Speaker 4: but he's a legitimate narcissist, Like I have learned this.
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  Speaker 2: Now And I'm like, yeah, but you don't know at
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  Speaker 2: the time.
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  Speaker 4: No, And you don't want to see that at the time.
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: And I get it. Like people have said, to me,
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: was he like this the whole time? And I'm like,
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  Speaker 4: I guess in a way, he was, But I just
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: I wanted to excuse it because this is the man
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: who was the father of my children. I wanted to
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: make it work. I wanted to have that family. So anyway,
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: so we moved to where we are now at the
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: start of the year, and about three months after, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: he told me he was out. I was still on
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: probation at a new job.
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  Speaker 2: And that just like that mental load, that like not
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: even taking into consideration the fact that you didn't see
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: a divorce coming, like just oh, that would have flipped
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: the narrative. So what happened?
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  Speaker 4: I mean I just had to turn around and deal
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: with it, like I was literally living.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Did he give a reason? Obviously, he was like you
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: should have seen this coming.
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  Speaker 4: No, really, just this isn't working exactly, there's not really
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: a reason.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Looks from your perspective, was it working?
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: I mean, it wasn't the best, But I also just
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: thought that was the season of life.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like we have young kids, Like stuff's just stuffing.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And like I've just watched so many you know,
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: my mom and dad and aunts and uncles and things
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: like that. I've seen marriages have ebbs and flows, and
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: like there was nothing so so terrible in it that
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: I would have ever considered walking away, you know, like
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: it just wasn't like and so I genuinely believe he's
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: having a midlife crisis and he had to run away
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: from something.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, you're not twenty two anymore, and I was twenty
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: two that kind of midlife crisis, Yeah, I think so.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: And just I've lost control.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: Like so, we had also bought a property in the
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: other city that we were in and when we were
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: selling that for a loss just because the timing was bad,
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: and again, like we're just not super financially true, which
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: is why I've become obsessed with you guys.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the community. We are actually so stoked to
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: have you here.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: It's been amazing. Yeah, And so I think it's no
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: surprise that the week we found out we were going
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: to make a loss on that sale is the week
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: he decided he was out. You know. I think there's
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: a whole bunch.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Of how do we tell him that that's not what's
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: going to solve the problem. But that's okay, you do
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: you too?
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I was still on probation. My job. I'm
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: just living through this like trauma and shock and trying
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: to be the best mom I can to my kids.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: And they're living through it and I'm having to comfort
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: them through it, and I mean, it's literally been the
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: worst few months of my life. But it definitely builds resilience,
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: We are oh my god, yeah, like I mean, yes,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: it does. But it wasn't consensual resilience Like I didn't.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I didn't go wake up and say I want to
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: be more resilient, like you were forced into it. So
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: tell me. You get told that your husband isn't in
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: anymore on a random Thursday night while you're drinking a
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: cup of tea. What happens then?
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  Speaker 4: So then he tells me I was obviously shocked, heartbroken,
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: begging him to stay, and he said, you know, it's
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: not a nail in the coffin. There's things that we
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: can work on, but I just need to get out.
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: I was like, okay, you know. So it means that
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: within a week he had moved out of our family home.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: He within it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: This week, he found a furnished rental that he moved to,
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: and then my kids had to start adapting to coming
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: and going from his place. Yeah. So I tried to
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: talk to him about it. He didn't want to talk.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: So I was like, okay, I'll give him time. And
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: in that eight weeks I went I was like right,
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: I can work on myself in this time. So I went,
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: I got.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: You're a quaint, You're an iconon You're who. I hope
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: that everyone going through a situation like this use is
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: like I'm going to work on myself. Like what iconic behavior?
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: Well, it's just when you have no choice, right.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent. But so many people also bury their
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: heads and go we'll talk about it at some point,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: like true. Just don't get me wrong, Like I feel
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: like you and I know that you didn't have a choice,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: like this is what's happening, But you also have a
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: choice on your mindset. You also have a choice on
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: how you work on yourself, and those choices are going
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: to serve you very well, exactly.
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: So I got myself on anti anxiety medication because I
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: was like, okay, maybe that's impact in the relationship. I
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: started doing cognitive behavioral therapy because I, like many other
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: thirty five year old women and a late diagnose ADHDR
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: welcome to the club, which, by the way, when I
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: heard you refer to that as neurospicy, I laughed out loud.
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: I thought it was the best thing I've ever heard.
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: I was like, yes, let's just normally.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Framing it like we are all a little bit neurospicy,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: and it's.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: Just it's no different to like me have a double
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: jointed thumb like whatever.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Which we do because we are You're very divergent, and
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: those two things go together.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: I actually also did a six week hypnotherapy Who are you?
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: You are a self help queen?
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah? Well, I just thought, let's get to the subconscious
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: level of like my lack of self worth and my
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: insecurities and stuff, and let's go real deep on that.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: My view on it was, at least I know I
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: have done everything I can to save this relationship. If
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: he still doesn't want it, well, then none of this
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: stuff is.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: That's actually not my problem.
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: Exactly, And I've then put myself in the best possible position.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: So after about eight weeks, I asked him to come
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: and talk and he was like, yeah, no, I'm out.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: So that's that. Deal with it and have fun.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Was the CBT. What helped you discover that your husband
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: was actually an assist?
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: Well that, let's be honest.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Instagram Yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, Like that's a
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: form of therapy.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: My algorithm these days is I was just like, how
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: to spot a narcissist, and like, how.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: To Sometimes I feel like, yeah, algorithm, really, algorithm's too hard,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: and you're like, yeah, have you been listening, Like no,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: how did you know?
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: I know? I know? So yeah, So that's kind of
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: where we are now. I decided to take a bit
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: of control of it. I got a lawyer, which not
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: cheap obviously, and got myself with as much info as
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: I could. I actually spoke to a really amazing lawyer
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: and she was like, look, there's all these different ways
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: to do this. The best way to do it, if
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: you guys are amicable enough, is to do it through mediation,
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: so you're not having lawyers represent you, so you're not
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: like waste that money.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: And I was so nice of you to say that, Yeah,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: thank you. Also an iconic queen.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and she was just like, I'm the one who
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: does these invoices of these clients, and I invoice them
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: for like thirty grand and I just think to myself,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: that's money that could have gone towards the depozard or
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: the kids. And I'm like, you know, so we did that.
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: A couple of weeks ago. We did the mediation, which
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: is like a one day thing to deal with property
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: and family also. So in the meantime, had quite a
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: few meetings with my financial advisor. He has been amazing
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: helping me with negotiations and stuff, and so I came
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: out of that pretty well. I went in probably over prepared,
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: but I think that's a better way to be, and
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: he went in completely underprepared.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: So that's very media commit aged white man behavior exactly.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: So why should I prepare for this? You know the
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: world will work for me.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well that's interesting. I feel like you are killing
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: it and it reminds me of that quote sometimes something
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: you lose is not a loss, and like that is
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: so true, Like you feel like you're losing something, but
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: you're not. It's not a loss. And that just right
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: now is like what you're going through. I think in
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: a couple of years you'll be like, oh my god,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad he did that.
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: I know, and I do feel like I'm starting to
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: see that now. I feel like I do feel like
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: in the end, I will look back and be glad
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: this happened, because you know, I am thirty five years old,
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: I've got my whole life ahead of me. I've just
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: put the gas pedal back down my career. My kids
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: are both in school, so like, let's.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: Go cheers to him for not doing it while you
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: had two tiny, tiny children who weren't in school. Like, yeah,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: that's I mean, they'rey considerate of him.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: I'm not a great man.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Oh one out of ten cannot recommend. These are the
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: moments where you realize that, like, being straight is actually
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: not a choice.
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: No, no, I look, I am open to any and
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: all possibilities. Now I will.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: So I want to know, let's get into some nitty
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: gritty questions. So I'm sure it will come back up.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: But now that you are getting back into your career,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: what do you do for it? How much money do
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: you earn?
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: So I'm a communications manager. I am on one hundred
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: and three per year plus super.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Oh how good is that? I mean at the moment,
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: you're probably like, oh, everything's so expensive, But like that
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: is a great career trajectory. Yeah, and I feel like
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of room for growth, which is awesome.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Where like, and this is probably not a question that's
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: get kind questioned to us, but that where do you
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: think you would have been had you not, you know,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: put the brakes on your career? Back when you were
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: making sacrifices so that he could earn three times more
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: than you.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: Well, I know exactly where I would be because this
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: is part of the research I did with going into
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: my mediation. So my best friend and I graduated from
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: the same degree at the same time. She's just recently
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: had her first child, which, by the way, having kids
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: in your thirties is a way better idea for so
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: many reasons.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: But anyway, when I'm still not getting sleep and I'm
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: really tired, and you get to climb into your bed
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: and no toddler is going to be in the middle,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: You'll be saying, ha.
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: Try having an eight year old and a five year
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: old in bed every night.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: It's that's right, you know what. I feel like you're
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: living my dream.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: So she had an amazing stuff with her career, Like
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: not to take anything away from her, like she's brilliant
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: what she does, but we had very similar you know,
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: I would say, work ethics and all that kind of stuff.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: She is currently on two hundred and ten. Yeah, okay,
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: you know, so that's the sacrifice I made in terms
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: of being the one at home raising the children. And
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: when I said that to him, he said, well, I
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: didn't ask you to do that.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna literally bunch you in the face, so weird.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: My hand just slipped and fell into your nose.
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: Oh the milk coming out of your boobies wasn't that good?
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: And your two days of paternity leave would not have
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: gotten us very far.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's so weird that we had kids when it
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: suited you and I was twenty seven and didn't think
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: it was going to work, but we did so obviously,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: that is actually a fantastic benchmark to have. And having
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: these money conversations with your friend really empowered you to
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: have a successful mediation, right, So, like what were those conversations?
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Like did you sit down with your friend and go hey, cool,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: like you are basically like we split off. It's like
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: the superannuation ad where they're going up the escalators and
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: that's really powerful. But like, what was that conversation like
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: with your friend? Were you like, can you just tell
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: me what you earn? Was she open to that? Like
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: what did that look like?
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah? So she's obviously been there for me during this
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: whole massive life change, and she knew that I was
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: going to mediation and I literally just ragged her and
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: I was like, hey, can you, like, we all as
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: women need to get better at talking about money and
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: talking about this stuff. Can you tell me what you've
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: earned in your last like three or four jobs. And
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: she's like, Yep, when I was at this job, I
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: earned this, when I was at this, iland at this,
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: when I was at this, ironed this and I love that.
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: And she's very similarly minded to me in terms of
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: like we need to change this narrative for women, especially,
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: like let's not be like weird about money or weird
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: about sex or whatever, like let's just normalize everything. And
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: so she was fully just like, yep, anything else you
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: need to know, you let me know.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: I can send you a pay slip for an example.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I love her, So tell me how that played into mediation,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Like what was that conversation? Like, I obviously thankfully haven't
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: been through this process, but I know that it can
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: be quite fick. Or is that something that you've said, well,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: actually i'd be here.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: Yep, So I said I would be there, and I
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: said to make up for that, I believe I deserve
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: X amount. Unfortunately, because we are both bad with money,
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: we didn't really have much of a property pool to
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: split so I negotiated really hard for a good monthly
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: payment because in Australia, unfortunately, this is another thing they
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: don't teach you. They don't give you alimony, so you
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: have to do it as child support. So that's what
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: I negotiated for. So I negotiated for four thousand dollars
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: a month from him, which I think for me puts
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: me in a much better position in terms of lending
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: capabilities and things like that. So I went in really
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: armed with all that information. I also went in armed
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: with what he isn't over that time. What you know,
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: when they'd break down those calculations of how much a
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: woman like it's not just the amount of time that
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: you spent out of the workforce, it's also the slower
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: career progression. Because in the time that I was home
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: with the kids, he progressed really rapidly in his career
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: because he had the time and space to do that.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: It's almost like he had someone supporting him at home
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: to do that. That's very strange. He didn't know that though,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: So that is a super powerful position to be in.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You manage to get a good amount of child support.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: But obviously, like when I do the maths on that
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: that actually gets you to being on par or close
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: to what your friend earns, but that then puts you
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: in the basket of being a single parent exactly. So like, yes,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: you're kind of getting that, but like that child support,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: according to Australian government regulation is meant to go towards
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: the kids, not necessarily towards your income. So now you're
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: on par What type of custody arrangements exists? Like is
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: it fifty to fifty? Are they with you?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Has he just decided not only am I walking away
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: from my marriage, I've had a midlife crissis I want
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: to be a single male? Like what does that look like?
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: To be honest, in a way, I wish he had
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: have done that. That would have made things easier, but
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: instead he has turned around and insisted on having them.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: So I refuse to do fifty to fifty because they
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: are incredibly bonded to me.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not, they're too little exactly.
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: Oh he turned around and told me that they don't
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: need a primary parent.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, that's so strange.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: Our youngest is five years old.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no, no, you're the one that
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: chose this. So I'm going to give them a stable
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: home and you can go do your midlife crisis stuff.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: You're not coming back, but like, go have fun.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: So currently it's about a sixty forty split. It's not perfect.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: There is a bit of doing and throwing, and that's
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: just because I have certain days that I have to
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: be in the office, which means I leave. Of course
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: i'm early, so they stay with him those nights. So
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: that's two nights a week. So that's what it was originally,
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: and then once he'd moved out, then he started insisting
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: I want them every second weekend as well, and I'm like, well.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: You can't have your cake, can eat it too, sir,
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: But then it's really hard because you don't want to
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: be the parent who keeps their children from their other parent.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: But for me, it does still feel like I am
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: the primary parent because every second week I have them
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: five nights in a row and they are never with
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: him longer than two nights. Like my daughter especially, she's like,
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: I don't want to be there any longer than two nights,
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, that's great, that's fine. So I definitely
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: still feel like the primary parent, which is really good.
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: So yeah, they do still see him, and I think,
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: like I will forever bite my tongue and I will
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: never say anything bad about him to them because it
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: just doesn't serve anyone anything.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: That's iconic mum behavior that is so hard to do.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Like I thankfully I haven't done or been in that situation,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: but you just know that that is such a powerful
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: piece that they're going to go into adulthood going hold on,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Like kids look back right, Like I've got friends and
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: family members who have been through that situation, and by
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: the time they're eighteen twenty, they look back and go,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: hold on, the math isn't mathing far out. Mum's a
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: good egg. Like That's exactly what's going to happen.
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: And that's what I want them to see, you know, Like,
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: I'm very aware that this is like the hardest period
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: of my life. But what I want my kids to
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: see is yet dad up and left, but Mum turned
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: around and she killed it in her career and she
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: did all these great things. And that's kind of what
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: I want them to take from this, And I want
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: them to make up their own decision about him.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: They will, Yeah, kids aren't silly.
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: No, my daughter, especially she's already figuring it out.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: She's a bit of a she's too emotionally intelligent for
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: our own good at this point, which is really sweet.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: But also you're just like, I wish you weren't as
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: smart as you are.
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I just I wish you weren't going through this.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: I wish I'd picked a better person. Sorry, babe, No.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: You did the best that you could and you got her,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: So like that's a perfect outcome. So talk to me.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: You've just gone through all this, what are your current
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: big money goals? What are you working towards?
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: My biggest money goal, The biggest thing I want in
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: life is just to buy a home. So when we
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: moved here, we moved quite quickly and we wanted to
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: do that to get to where we were going before
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: the start of the school year for our kids. And
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: so we were renting because we're also selling the property
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: that we bought in our last city. So we're renting,
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: so have to move out of this rentals and moving back.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: But that's a whole separate drama to deal with. Ah.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Of course, when it rains, it pause.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: Literally it's like every day there's something new. So I
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: want more than anything to just buy a home for
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: my babies. I just want stability, and I want predictability,
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: and I just want to be able to have control
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: of my finances and to be able to take them
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: on holidays. I want them to experience different cultures and
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: see the world, and to be honest, those are my
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: two main money goals. Is just a lovely house for
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: my kids, an article home, and to expose them to
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: the world and to travel. So my like, I get it.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: I'm incredibly fortunate that my parents, when this happened, they
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: insisted on, you know, helping me to try to buy
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: a home. Of course, at first I was like, nope,
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: per absolutely not.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do this. I'm a strong independent woman.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I was just like, I need no, man,
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: They've worked so hard for so long. I don't want
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: them to then have to turn around and be my
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: parents again, you know. I want them to actually enjoy
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: being grandparents. But they were sort of like, well, everything
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: we've got just goes to you and your sister anyway,
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: so you may as well have it now than when
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: we kick the bucket. And so I was like, well, I.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Guess oh, and they can probably feel like they're really
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: helping you and their grandkids. Like I get that, but
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: also they're like, I don't know. Now I'm a mom
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: as well. I feel like if Harvey ever went through anything,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I'd be like no, no, no, I'll fix it, like and
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: like you have kids, you would bend over backwards. So
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: you kind of get it. And I mean, of course
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: it's a privilege, but like I think the powerful thing
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: here is we're talking about it and the different outcomes
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: and what that looks like. And that thing is often
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: a fair bit of guilt when you even have this
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: privilege and this access. So what does that look like?
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Have you started talking to mortgage brokers? Have you started,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: you know, that process of understanding what it could look like?
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so started down that path. A lot of it
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: was dependent on the outcome of the mediation, Yeah, of.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Course, because it would depend on then what payments you're getting,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: which would play into how much you can borrow.
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so I have had my financial advice. So they've
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: got some mortgage brokers at work in their company and
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: they've sort of run some numbers for me, which is awesome.
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: But this is where it comes back into it with
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: my dad, where you know, don't talk about sex drugs, politics, religion,
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: or money. It's kind of like, Dad, I'm so grateful
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: that your mom are going to help, but like, what
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: does that look like in dollar terms? He's just like, oh, well,
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: would you just find a house and then we'll tell
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: you if we can do that or not. And I'm like,
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: it's not really how it works.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: That then sets unrealistic expectations and it's really uncomfortable.
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and look he hasn't He's only ever been in
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: a regional area. It's like, no one a bloke who
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: knows a bloke, And so I don't think they quite
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: get how like the market and stuff works these days.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it doesn't cost twenty thousand dollars to buy
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: a house any more. Dad.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: No.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so like it might actually not be feasible.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, so let's figure out what is feasible. So they
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: have a financial advisor themselves, So I've said, can I
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: sit in on a meeting with her and we can talk,
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: because the first thing I want to talk to their
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: financial advisor about is to say, I just want to
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: make sure I'm not in any way going to be
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: negatively impacting their life, you know, So you tell me
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: as their financial advisor, what are you going to tell
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: them not to do? And what are you going to
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: tell them is actually like a.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Good thing to do and that's really thoughtful.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then the second thing will be, okay, like,
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: what are we talking about in terms of dollar figures?
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: So that's kind of where we are right now. I
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: should have that meeting next week, and then I'll meet
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: with my financial advisor. Because the banks want to see
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: like three to six months of the child'sport payments coming through,
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: I'll need to wait a little bit. My huge, massive
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: goal is I would love to be in the new
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: house by the time the kids start the twenty twenty
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: five school year.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it can happen. We're manifesting this.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: My friend taught me how to manifest under the full moon,
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: so I did that.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, good, I love this.
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: I mean, what have we got to lose at this point?
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Literally? Nothing? Literally nothing like not one thing. All right,
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: let's go to a really quick break and on the
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: flip side, I want to talk about investments and debt
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: and best and worst money habit, So don't go anywhere
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: money direst we are back. I'm gonna talk investments, but
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: I actually want to step a little bit back. When
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: you're in mediation, did you talk about superannuation? Did you
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: negotiate for any what did that look like?
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: Yes? We did. This was again where he came in
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: very unprepared.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Get it, queen, I love this so much. I'm like deserved, deserved.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean yeah, if you understood how like
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: Beta I had been in my relationship, you would be like,
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: who is this person? Like, I'm just like, let's take
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: control of our life now. Oh no.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: He was shocked too, and that's what we want. We
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: want to blindside him.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So when the subject of super was brought up,
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: he was kind of like, what why do you get
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: my super? Ah?
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I love this so much, and you were like, well, actually,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: here is the research, here is the reason why.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: Well and I didn't even have to say it. The
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: mediator said it, which was even better, and I was like,
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: you know, I took nine years out of full time work,
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: my earning capacity, my earning potential, blah blah blah. And
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: then he's like, yeah, but I'm years older, so I'm
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: closer to retirement than you. And it was like irrelevant.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: We had eight years more to think about this terrible decision.
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: Didn't you also, and as the mediator pointed out, but
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: you also still earn triple what she earns.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I love this mediator, this mediator we know in the background.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: This mediator was like money, darist, I'm on your team.
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: Well he was recommended by my lawyer for that reason.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Iconic.
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And so in the end, part of my negotiating
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: was I negotiated for a higher figure for the monthly
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: payment and said I want fifty percent of your super
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: and he was like, absolutely not to both. And I
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: was like, okay, fine, what about an equalization of super.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: He was like, what does that even mean. I was like,
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: silly boy, it means we joined them together and then
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: we split them in half. And he was like, okay, fine,
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: we'll do that. But then the mediator said, well, actually,
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: I don't think the court will sign off on that
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: because that's not a fair division. So in the end,
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: I've gotten sixty percent of you Super.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: It's not a fair division. You asked for half, and
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: now you've got sixty percent of you Super. I'm so sorry.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't laugh at this because obviously, like you know,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: there's two sides, or there's actually three sides to every story,
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: but like, you know, he deserves to be financially secure
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: as well, of course, but like not going in prepared
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: saying that fifty percent's not okay, continuing the conversation, ending
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: up with forty percent. Oh, I love this. So you
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: got sixty percent of your super.
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: Yep, and now I need to work with my financial
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: advisor about where we put that and how we put
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: that in some super aggressive accounts to make sure that
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: that's doing the most it can do.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh my gosh, Like that is probably my favorite
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: thing I've heard all day. So where does that put
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: you in relation to the average superannuation balance for your age?
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: What is the average balance? I don't know. I think
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: it will end me with about one hundred and eighty
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: five thousand in super. Yeah, so that puts you way
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: above and beyond for your age because you're thirty five.
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: So that means that you are doing really well ten
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: out of ten.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: I like that is set you up. In a couple
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: of years, You're going to be like, this was the
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes I like
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: seeing women win, and today is that day. So tell
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: me a bit more about investments now, So you're obviously
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: you've got some superminuation. You now are backup where potentially
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: you could have been had you worked those nine years.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: What other investments do you potentially have if you don't?
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Obviously completely fine? But like, have you thought about it?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: What does that look like?
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah? So I was always really scared of investing. I
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: always wanted to invest in property. My dream has always
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: kind of been to have like investment properties and stuff
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: like that, but we've just never been in a financial
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: position to do that. But listening to you guys made
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: me just decide not to be so scared of it.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: So I downloaded.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Chase's Oh I can't, I can't.
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: I got my ten dollars, I contributed another thirty, and
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: I was just like, well, you know, you've got to
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: start somewhere. I've got to be in it to win it.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: And I just look, I didn't do a whole bunch
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: of research. I just invested into companies that I buy
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: from a lot and was like, well, I may as
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: well be a shareholder there.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I love this, You're buying from your own business.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: There's a lot more research I need to do. I
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: need to like sit down and I need to invest
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: in your investing course and all that kind of stuff
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: when I've got time to sit and.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Do it one hundred percent.
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: Because I need to do that. I need to And
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: that's what I love about this is like breaking down
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: that barrier, is making it approachable and accessible for just
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: normal people. I think it was just something this is
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: how the rich kept getting richer? Is it was all
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: this like secretive stuff that the everyday person didn't understand,
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: and now that we can.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: It's literally why I left being a financial advisor because
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: the information that I was sharing every single day, I
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: just knew how powerful it was when put into the
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: right hands. But the hands that I was putting it
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: into were the ones that could afford it, and the
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: ones that could afford it like amazing, incredible, Like I
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: was so happy that I could do that, But it
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: was always in the back of my mind that how
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: much more powerful would it be if it was in
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: the hands of you know, thirty five year old money
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: diarist who has just gone through a divorce and needs
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: that support and deserves to absolutely shine, but wouldn't know
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: where to start. Like that's what I wanted to do,
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: And obviously I'm so proud that I have. But now
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: I just know that we're in the right place and
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: we've made financial advice accessible. And I mean, as you said,
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: you've got a financial advisor. Bit like, there is this
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: barrier even with financial advisors where often, especially as women,
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: we just hand over the keys to the kingdom because
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: they're usually male and they can run it for us
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: and they tell us what we need. But even if
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: you have a financial advisor, going and doing the investing
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: masterclass or listening to the podcast means that you go
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: to those meetings so much more informed, so much more empowered,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: so much more motivated because you're like, well, actually, I
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: know it's possible. I don't just have this dude that
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: sits down and shows me a graph and says money
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: direst in this many years you will have X many
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: dollars and you go, ah, okay, like you're empowered by
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: it as opposed to overwhelmed. And I just think it's
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: so smart.
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: I'm just learning those that, Like there's been so many
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: like little things that I've learned, because I mean, I've
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: like binged like your whole catalog pretty much in the
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: last foremost.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Sorry that you're probably over me, but I'm not going anywhere,
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: So I.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: Love that and just even little things right because I
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: was like, traditionally, I've always been paid monthly, and now
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: I get paid weekly, And I was like, Oh, that's
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: so annoying for like cash flow. But then I heard
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: you guys talking on an episode recently where you were like,
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: it's actually better to pay your mortgage weekly because and
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: It is because you save on interest. Yeah.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: So then I'm like, actually, that's a great thing. But
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: I get paid weekly.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can automate it, like you could do
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: a direct like debit and transfer it all automatically so
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: that your money's working super hard for you exactly. Yeah,
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: smart women doing smart things money, diriced, I want to
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: know do you have any debt currently or did you
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: come out on top?
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: We cleared the debts, so that's part of why we've
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: not got much in the property pool clean slate though.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: That that's how I.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Kind of look at it, is like, let's just start
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: from here, So no debts, which is good you from
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: my perspective or an icon like you negotiated his superinnuation.
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: You've come out of it with a really good child
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: support payment. He probably didn't see this coming. He's like,
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: this is actually not how I thought this would go.
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: I'm lucky for you, sir, but I feel like you
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: do have a few good money habits. What do you
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: think is your best money habit? I never buy anything
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: full price. I can't bring myself to do it, especially
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: when it comes to like clothes and stuff like that.
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: I always always wait for a sale, and I often
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: do the like put a cart, log in, make an
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: online cart, and then you log out of it and
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: like close it down, and then they'll send you like, hey,
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: we'll give you fifteen percent off your cart because they're
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: afraid that you're about to go.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because like you're a lost cart.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: The other good one I do is I love like
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: skin treatments and stuff like that, and a lot of
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: like the big companies they'll do like sixty percent off
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: day sales, and so I buy, like for like skin
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: needling treatments, and then I use them over the course
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: of the year because you get them like sixty percent
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: of so that I kind of try to hack the timing.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: Oh that's smart, So you like bulk by to make
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: sure that you're getting good value. I love that skin
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: ealing is something that I've wanted to do for so long.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I have to ask you about it off air because
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what else can I do for my skin?
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: I feel like you hit thirty and it really starts
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: to feel like things decline.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you couple the skin needling with some
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: laser all.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: Right, all right, I'm on it. I'm on it, all right.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: I want to know. On the flip side, though, what's
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: your worst money? Have it?
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: The aforementioned ADHD.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: You're just a little bit spendy, a little bit impulsive.
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: I'm so spendy. I'm so impulsive.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: I just am like, we're just a little bit neurospicy, exactly,
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: and I need to get better at that.
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: But I think and even like learning about like up
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: bank by listening to you guys, like I've started creating
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: all those little tiny accounts, and for me that's already
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: just feeling like I've got so much more control about it. Like,
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: and I think for me to just have this is
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: your pool of money for the month, it just doesn't work.
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: I just go crazy.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: Words.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: If I'm like, you have one hundred dollars a month
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: to spend on lunches, you have two hundred dollars a
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: month to spend on I don't know, clothes for the kids.
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: Whatever it might be that seems excessive for the kid,
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: but whatever.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: It's just a good example.
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that really works for me and my brain,
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: and so I need to start kind of really implementing
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: that a bit more bucketing things. Yeah, bucketing I think
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: for me will be really huge. And I think I
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: haven't had my own money and my own control over
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: my money for like ten plus years.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: So you are living. I'm actually going to set you
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: up with my Money Masterclass, which has a whole budget
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: and cash flow system for you, and it does it automated,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: so it is a very bucket system and it integrates
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: really well with upbank. You can use any bank literally,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: but like once you get your fun money as well,
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: because I have a food, fuel and fun account and
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: we put our in there every week, and like I've
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: done it based on my spending as someone who is
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: pretty neurospicy, Like this is how I got to manage it,
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: and it seems to work across the board. But it's
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: going to show you how it breaks down and kind
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: of put away the stuff that you need to put away,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: but then give you access to the things that you
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: need access to. And I think that that will actually
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: turbocharge your budgeting and cash flow because it plugs into
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: what you're already using. And like, we love a spreadsheet
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: and it has a whole kids section, Like you are
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: going to be absolutely killing it, and I can't wait.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: Money durist at the start we got on and I
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, this is going to be a bit sad,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: like this is not going to be great. You know,
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: she's told us that she thinks she's a cautionary tale.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: She just said, oh, my money grade's probably DDUS. I'm sorry.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: What kind of D minus negotiates and gets sixty percent
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: of their ex husband's super inuation? What kind of D
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: minus gets a four thousand dollars a month child support payment?
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: Because they were like absolutely not. Who is that smart
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: that they go to their best friend that they did
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: university with and says, actually, can you let me know
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: what your career trajectory looked? Like, okay, you were on
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: two hundred and ten thousand dollars and then takes that
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: to mediation and says, this is where I could have been,
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: this is what I'm missing out. Sorry, is that deep
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: minus behavior like you might not feel like you're that
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: good at it, but I'm pretty good at judging people's
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: you know, money stories, and yours is telling me that
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: you are like very very A plus. I mean, you
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: might not feel like you're there yet because you're like,
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: look the I haven't got the house, I haven't got
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: the savings. Like I just I feel like I'm behind.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: But like, you're thirty five, You've got a clean slate,
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: you've got a great super fund, you've got two beautiful kids,
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: and you are able to afford a very comfortable lifestyle.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: What do you actually reckon you are after this conversation?
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: Okay, I love the reframe because I had not considered
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: any of that stuff as part of my financial grading.
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: I was more thinking of my day to day spending habits.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Do I spend too much? Yeah? I go to sandwich today.
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: All right, I will give myself a B plus because
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: I do feel like I'm proud of myself and negotiating
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: real hard.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, you are an icon, and I hope that people
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: listen to this and if ever they find themselves in
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: a similar position, which obviously we don't wish on anyone,
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: but if you do, here's an example of who we
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: want to be in those moments, like we want to
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: channel out inner money arrested, like literally asking for what
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: you deserve. You won't even asking for more. You were
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: just like, this is where I would have been career wise.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: So if we could just make sure that I'm not
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: missing out, that would be fantastic. Thank you.
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think it's about just no one wants
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: to think about this happening. I certainly didn't. I certainly
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: never thought this was in my life. And there were
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: many times throughout my relationship where I was like, I'm
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: really being a bad feminist. I need to have my
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: own account because like, what if you go crazy one
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: day and I have to leave? And he was always like,
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: don't be silly, Oh.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Don't be silly. You know why you didn't have to
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: be silly because he was.
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I would just say to all women, just
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: have your own account with something in it for one
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: day exactly.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like this has been a really good chat.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: I'm so sad that we don't have more time to
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: chat about literally everything including skin needling, but alas we've
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: run out of time. Thank you so much for joining us.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I have absolutely adored this money Diary. I feel like, yes,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: it serves as a cautionary tale to make sure that
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: you have your own emergency fund, you've got access to
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: your cash, and that we aren't letting all of those
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: little steps lead us completely off path. But also that
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: when these things happen, we don't bury our heads in
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: the sand, because if we do, we end up in
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: a worse off position. And you've proved that by not
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: burying your head in the sand, like you've put yourself
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: not only on a clean slate, but you have put
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: yourself in a position where you are going to thrive.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: And I cannot wait to see it. So stay in contact,
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: my friend.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: I will when I finally buy the house, I will
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: tell you.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited. Please tell me. And I hope
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: that we cross paths in person at some point. So
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: thank you so much, thank you. The advice shared on
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: She's on the Money is general in nature and does
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists
• 43:20
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• 43:23
  Speaker 2: to make an investment or financial decision. If you do
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS TMD
• 43:29
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