Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Sex Toys, Masturbation, and the Art of Self-Pleasure With Sexologist Lillie 🔞🔥💦

Transcript

Sex Toys, Masturbation, and the Art of Self-Pleasure With Sexologist Lillie 🔞🔥💦 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest and boldest and
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Speaker 2: most authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:31
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to she Rises.
0:34
Speaker 2: How you feeling so good by conversation? It's one of
0:37
Speaker 2: my favorite topics.
0:38
Speaker 1: I know and you guys love and we talk about
0:41
Speaker 1: sex and self pleasure and relationships. And today we have
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Speaker 1: a very spicy episode, the very spicy gal called Lily. Lily,
0:47
Speaker 1: Welcome to the show.
0:48
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Ashy and Tiana. What a pleasure.
0:52
Speaker 1: We are really excited to have this chat because we
0:55
Speaker 1: talk about it all the time. But you work with
0:58
Speaker 1: a Bush, which is the number one sex toy brand
1:01
Speaker 1: in Australia, and we were so lucky to have them
1:04
Speaker 1: gift all of our girls my Galentine's event a little vibrator.
1:07
Speaker 2: All of the girls were so excited.
1:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were stoked.
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Speaker 2: All of the girl's faces when they pulled it out
1:12
Speaker 2: of the bag, with like, Oh are you kidding? This
1:14
Speaker 2: is what we get? Like, I know what all of
1:16
Speaker 2: you are doing later tonight.
1:18
Speaker 3: Oh yeah. The thing about bullet vibrators, I am reformed.
1:22
Speaker 3: Up until a few years ago, I had never used
1:24
Speaker 3: a bullet vibrator. Every time I looked at them, I
1:27
Speaker 3: was like, Oh, They're so small, What could this possibly
1:30
Speaker 3: do for me?
1:32
Speaker 1: How wrong? I was?
1:33
Speaker 3: Oh my god? And then I went to an event
1:36
Speaker 3: I think at the end of twenty twenty two, bought
1:38
Speaker 3: a bullet vibrator and I have never looked back. They
1:42
Speaker 3: are criminally underrated and so versatile.
1:45
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love you. I so agree, so good,
1:49
Speaker 1: small but mighty yes. Which you about to tell us
1:51
Speaker 1: a little bit of your background story around self pleasure
1:55
Speaker 1: working with Bush being a sex ologist. I loved her
1:58
Speaker 1: a little bit more about you.
1:59
Speaker 3: I've always been fascinated by sex, pleasure and relationships. Literally
2:05
Speaker 3: I was young. I've always been really curious about what
2:08
Speaker 3: motivates people to do what they do, and particularly when
2:11
Speaker 3: it comes to sex. It's always been something that in
2:14
Speaker 3: our culture is so taboo and shrouded in stigma, and
2:18
Speaker 3: it shouldn't be, because sexual health and sexual pleasure is
2:21
Speaker 3: our birthright. We deserve to feel good and connect it
2:25
Speaker 3: and experience pleasure. It's not a reward for labor or
2:29
Speaker 3: something that we get after we finally tick off all
2:31
Speaker 3: the things on our never ending to do lists, right,
2:34
Speaker 3: I think we can all relate to that. I grew
2:37
Speaker 3: up on Dolly Doctor ripping open the sealed section, like hello,
2:41
Speaker 3: there is nothing as satisfying as tearing open the sealed
2:44
Speaker 3: section and digging into the sealacious insides. I'd agree it
2:48
Speaker 3: is an unmatched high. And so yeah, I grew up
2:51
Speaker 3: on that, and I was always the go to gal
2:54
Speaker 3: in my friendship circle for any questions about sex, relationships, masturbation.
2:59
Speaker 3: Even people that I wasn't friends with would approach me
3:02
Speaker 3: or send me a message on Instagram be like, whoa, Y,
3:05
Speaker 3: so this thing is happening. I might tell me about it.
3:08
Speaker 3: Let's workshop this together. And then when I was fifteen,
3:11
Speaker 3: I was scrolling through Instagram as one does, and I
3:15
Speaker 3: came across the account of a sexologist and I was like,
3:17
Speaker 3: this is a job. This is insane. From that moment,
3:21
Speaker 3: I was like, Yeah, this is what I'm going to
3:23
Speaker 3: be doing hands down and finally bit the bullet and
3:26
Speaker 3: trained as a sematic sexologist a few years ago. And
3:29
Speaker 3: it was a really intentional choice to train as a
3:32
Speaker 3: sematic sexologist. For those of you that don't know, sematic
3:35
Speaker 3: means of the body right. So when I'm looking at
3:38
Speaker 3: that through the lens of sex, it means awareness of
3:41
Speaker 3: your body. It means bringing your body online and feeling
3:44
Speaker 3: and noticing all the sensations, the pleasure, the emotions, the
3:49
Speaker 3: feelings that you can sense, and making it a sensory
3:52
Speaker 3: smorkersport right, rather than a disembodied experience. And so through
3:58
Speaker 3: my work, I work with individuals and couples in sessions,
4:01
Speaker 3: I run workshops, I create content for brands like Bush,
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Speaker 3: which is incredible. I just love being able to connect
4:08
Speaker 3: with people in this way and have conversations like this
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Speaker 3: about sex, because I think open conversations around sex are
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Speaker 3: what begins to shed some of the shame and taboo
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Speaker 3: that most of us are carrying around sex and pleasure.
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Speaker 1: I absolutely love that. I just realize I've been calling
4:21
Speaker 1: it vash is a bush. Oh my bush, so embarrassed.
4:24
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I have
4:27
Speaker 1: been doing the same too, Oh, that's really cool that
4:29
Speaker 1: you work with couples, individuals workshops Like, I want to
4:32
Speaker 1: come to a workshop. Can you let us know when
4:33
Speaker 1: you have one?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, when's the next week?
4:35
Speaker 1: Yes?
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Speaker 3: Yes. One of the things that I love so much
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Speaker 3: about group events and group workshops and talking about sex
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Speaker 3: in that group setting. Yes, it can feel so edgy, right,
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Speaker 3: it can feel really uncomfortable. Often when I run workshops,
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Speaker 3: the first exercise that I run is a question game
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Speaker 3: with people, getting them to speak to strangers and answer
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Speaker 3: questions like what's your steamiest midday fantasy?
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Speaker 1: Or how do you like.
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Speaker 3: To be touched? Or what turns you on sexually? And
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Speaker 3: I love watching the little twinge of discomfort at the beginning,
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Speaker 3: when they're like, whoa, am I really about to divulge
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Speaker 3: this to a stranger. But once those floodgates open, what
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Speaker 3: happens is so incredible. Our sense of internalized shame begins
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Speaker 3: to fall away a little bit. And because we seldom
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Speaker 3: speak openly about sex and our preferences and our proclivities,
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Speaker 3: many people think that they're weird. They're weird, they're broken,
5:31
Speaker 3: there's something wrong with them, which is not the case.
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Speaker 3: Our sexuality is as unique as our fingerprint. Right. Our desire,
5:38
Speaker 3: our preferences, what we enjoy all as unique as our fingerprint.
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Speaker 3: And because we don't speak about this, and conversations about
5:46
Speaker 3: sex aren't as normalized as oh, what did you do
5:48
Speaker 3: on the weekend, or what are you having for dinner?
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Speaker 3: Or what are you looking for to this month? Right,
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Speaker 3: we have so much internalized shame that really holds us
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Speaker 3: back from stepping into our full potential. And so witnessing
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Speaker 3: people speak about sex in a group setting at a workshop,
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Speaker 3: learning and engaging, and it takes the pressure off and
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Speaker 3: our best learning comes from our peers. You know, I
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Speaker 3: always say at the start of my workshops, I'm not
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Speaker 3: the expert. I'm just a guide for this, you know,
6:15
Speaker 3: I will share with you. But we have so much
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Speaker 3: to learn from each other.
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Speaker 1: That's so cool. And we've found even with our friendship,
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Speaker 1: we talk about everything, all the fantasies, all the things
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Speaker 1: have done, the things we'd like to do, things that
6:28
Speaker 1: scare us. And that's why we want to have more
6:30
Speaker 1: conversations with people like you to dissolve that shame and
6:33
Speaker 1: embarrassment because you do, like even when we first shared,
6:36
Speaker 1: like our fantasies it's like, oh, well, what do you
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Speaker 1: think of that? Like, you know, you're worried what they're
6:41
Speaker 1: going to think of you. But then when they're like, oh,
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Speaker 1: fuck you, I haven't thought about that. That sounds cool.
6:45
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, okay, I'm not the only one that's
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Speaker 1: thinking about this. It's really cool to open up this conversation.
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Speaker 1: Just make the conversation fun.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, we like se ip our toe in a little bit.
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Speaker 2: You know. It's like you're testing the waters to see
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Speaker 2: how comfortable that person is with a certain conversation. We're
7:00
Speaker 2: like so and threesomes and this girl, Yeah, I feel
7:05
Speaker 2: in the waters, you know. And it is. It's so
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Speaker 2: healing as well, because when you realize that you can
7:09
Speaker 2: have open, honest conversations, you realize that that person isn't
7:13
Speaker 2: going to make an assumption about who you are because
7:15
Speaker 2: of what you're thinking and feeling or what you may
7:18
Speaker 2: be you know, fantasizing about or just wanting to explore
7:21
Speaker 2: within yourself or within others. It just gets to be
7:24
Speaker 2: an open playing field. There's no judgment. Everything gets to
7:27
Speaker 2: be there, and then whether you want to do that
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Speaker 2: or not is totally up to you. But the conversation
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Speaker 2: is important to have.
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Speaker 1: We get pushback when we talk about it, Like on
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Speaker 1: the other day, it's like, oh my god, as she's
7:36
Speaker 1: a disgusting mom, how dare she talk about a or
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Speaker 1: her kids will be so embarrassed. I'm like, no, they won't.
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Speaker 1: I want them to be able to do whatever they
7:43
Speaker 1: want to do and feel comfortable in their sexuality. And
7:45
Speaker 1: I have to lead the way with that. And what
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Speaker 1: just because I've given birth out of my vagina, I'm
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Speaker 1: not allowed to enjoy sex, I'm not allowed to be sexy,
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Speaker 1: Like where is that rule book come from? No thanks,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to encourage all mothers to find their sexual
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Speaker 1: energy again after becoming a mum.
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Speaker 2: It's like you have to be conservative now that you're
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Speaker 2: a mother, and you're not allowed to talk about all
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Speaker 2: these taboo things, which is.
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Speaker 1: Not true, no way. So I just want to break
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Speaker 1: those old conditions and limiting beliefs that a lot of
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Speaker 1: mothers and women have. And that starts within me. And
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Speaker 1: I'm very like drawn and like not attracted in a
8:14
Speaker 1: sexual or maybe, but to women who really have that
8:19
Speaker 1: confidence in who they are and their sexuality. My girlfriend Megan,
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Speaker 1: she's the most open, loving person I remember asking her
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Speaker 1: are you bisexual then, and she was like, I don't
8:28
Speaker 1: like labeling myself. I love love, I love people, I
8:30
Speaker 1: love energy. I don't care what your gender is. I
8:33
Speaker 1: just love love. And I was blown away with that.
8:35
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, that's what I want
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Speaker 1: to be. It's not about gender. It's just about this
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Speaker 1: energy and connection and the love that you feel, the
8:42
Speaker 1: safety you feel within a dynamic. And I think that
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Speaker 1: is so for con beautiful.
8:46
Speaker 3: I speak to so many people who are seeking greater
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Speaker 3: levels of intimacy, deeper intimacy in all facets of their life,
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Speaker 3: whether that's during sex, in their romantic relationships, or in
8:57
Speaker 3: their platonic relationships, and vulnerability is the price of admission
9:02
Speaker 3: for deeper into our right Well said, yeah, you can't
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Speaker 3: just magic your way too deep intimacy where you all
9:10
Speaker 3: of a sudden feel super comfortable to share all the
9:14
Speaker 3: things that you have never spoken aloud to a single person.
9:17
Speaker 3: It is going to be uncomfortable. You are going to
9:20
Speaker 3: feel vulnerable. You are going to probably feel like as
9:23
Speaker 3: soon as this comes out of your mouth that you're like, ah,
9:25
Speaker 3: I want to hide andre a Dorener for the rest
9:26
Speaker 3: of the day.
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Speaker 2: Don't look at me. The vulnerability hangover is real. Oh,
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Speaker 2: it's so real.
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Speaker 1: It's so real.
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Speaker 3: Honestly, for those of your listeners, get yourself a friend
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Speaker 3: who's an oversharer, because you know they'll get you there.
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Speaker 2: That's so true, Lily. I want to ask you a question.
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Speaker 2: If you have your own backstory of your self pleasure journey,
9:45
Speaker 2: we'd love to know a little bit about that and
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Speaker 2: your experience and what that was like for you growing up.
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Speaker 3: I started masturbating young, and it was just a real
9:53
Speaker 3: curiosity about my body, Like I've always been somebody who
9:56
Speaker 3: has really enjoyed touch, either from others or from myself,
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Speaker 3: Like I'll just be absent mindedly, like stroke in my head,
10:05
Speaker 3: you know, in my hand in this way. It's something
10:08
Speaker 3: that's really regulating. And after I got diagnosed with ADHD
10:12
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago, that made so much more sense.
10:14
Speaker 3: It's a form of stimming, it's a form of regulation.
10:17
Speaker 3: So whenever I'm thinking or I'm stressed out, you'll see
10:20
Speaker 3: me doing something like that. Often it's some sort of touch.
10:23
Speaker 3: I find it really regulating and really soothing, and so
10:26
Speaker 3: masturbation began as a natural extension of that, and then
10:29
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, hold up a minute, this feels
10:33
Speaker 3: really good. And I think after I had my first orgasm,
10:39
Speaker 3: I was like, dear God, I want approximately a trillion
10:43
Speaker 3: more of these, and I want them now. And so yeah,
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Speaker 3: I just really started to explore my body and what
10:49
Speaker 3: was possible with my pleasure. And I think that's the
10:52
Speaker 3: biggest thing that I want to discuss, is like, my
10:56
Speaker 3: mindset around pleasure and my ethos is that your potential
11:00
Speaker 3: to experience pleasure is infinite. Right. The more you pryoritize pleasure,
11:06
Speaker 3: the more you engage with it, the more you get
11:08
Speaker 3: out of your head and into your body, the more
11:11
Speaker 3: you will be able to feel, and your capacity for
11:14
Speaker 3: feeling and sensitization increases. Right to me, that is just
11:19
Speaker 3: so intoxicating. Your capacity for pleasure is limitless. It's infinite.
11:24
Speaker 3: It is whatever you want it to be. And that
11:27
Speaker 3: has always been something that has personally driven me in
11:29
Speaker 3: my own pleasure practices. It's like, well, how deep can
11:33
Speaker 3: I go with this? How much pleisure can I feel?
11:36
Speaker 3: And not in a way of I want more and
11:38
Speaker 3: more and more and more. Of course, it is like
11:40
Speaker 3: that sometimes, but most of the time it's like, Wow,
11:43
Speaker 3: This feels so good and it is so energizing and
11:47
Speaker 3: has the most magnificent ripple effect into every other facet
11:51
Speaker 3: of my life. And this is something that I observe
11:53
Speaker 3: in my clients and people I speak to as well. Right,
11:56
Speaker 3: you know when you have a really good orgasm or
11:58
Speaker 3: some really amazing sex and you're just walking around for
12:00
Speaker 3: the next few days, like, yeah, like loving yourself, Like
12:05
Speaker 3: the post scasm glow is real.
12:08
Speaker 2: Yes.
12:09
Speaker 3: When I think about sexual energy, it's not just sexual energy, right,
12:13
Speaker 3: it is our creative energy, It's our life force energy.
12:17
Speaker 3: It's such a well spring of vitality and gusto for
12:21
Speaker 3: our entire life. And so I think for me that
12:24
Speaker 3: has always been a really motivating force behind my pleasure
12:27
Speaker 3: practices and behind why I became a sexologist in the beginning,
12:31
Speaker 3: because I want to share this with people. Overwhelmingly, you know,
12:34
Speaker 3: so many people that I speak to are having really
12:37
Speaker 3: subpass sex or masturbation has never felt good for them,
12:41
Speaker 3: or they just think pleasure and sex isn't for them,
12:43
Speaker 3: particularly women that I speak to. Right, lots of women
12:47
Speaker 3: that I speak to, sex is something that is done
12:49
Speaker 3: to them, right, It's not a co created experience that
12:52
Speaker 3: they get to engage in. So I think that is
12:56
Speaker 3: a really useful reframe as well. Your pleasure is yours,
12:59
Speaker 3: pleasure is your birthright.
13:01
Speaker 1: That's powerful. Absolutely love that. We sometimes talk about vibrators
13:06
Speaker 1: and we love them, We really really do.
13:08
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, who doesn't.
13:10
Speaker 1: However, in your opinion, can they be overused? And for
13:13
Speaker 1: me personally, I would much prefer my men's mouth or fingers. Honestly,
13:18
Speaker 1: my orgasm is ten times better than with a vibrator.
13:21
Speaker 1: But with a vibrator it desensitizes me. That's why I
13:24
Speaker 1: don't like to use them all that often because and
13:26
Speaker 1: then I find if I use one, I need a
13:28
Speaker 1: few more days to get sensitive. Again, is this a
13:30
Speaker 1: common thing or is my body weird?
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Speaker 3: Your body is not weird to your body is functioning
13:35
Speaker 3: as normal. So a bit of myth busting. Something that
13:39
Speaker 3: I see a lot of on social media, particularly in
13:42
Speaker 3: the more in more sacred sexuality communities, is rhetoric around
13:47
Speaker 3: this idea that vibrators desensitize your genitals and that they
13:51
Speaker 3: destroy nerve endings over time. This is not true, right,
13:55
Speaker 3: So if I was rubbing on my hand right now
13:57
Speaker 3: like this, if I was to do that for an hour.
14:00
Speaker 3: My nerve endings are not going to go away, right,
14:03
Speaker 3: I cannot rub them away. That is not how nerve
14:05
Speaker 3: endings work. But after an hour of rubbing in this way,
14:08
Speaker 3: I'm probably not going to be able to feel much,
14:10
Speaker 3: right because I've oversensitized that area. That's what happens when
14:14
Speaker 3: we get a bit desensitized or a bit numb from
14:16
Speaker 3: using vibrators. So this isn't a vibrators are terrible, throw
14:20
Speaker 3: them out, never used, no way, never, God No. What's
14:23
Speaker 3: important is switching up the stimulation. Right, So if you
14:28
Speaker 3: are routinely masturbating with a vibrator in the same position,
14:31
Speaker 3: on the same setting, not breathing, not moving, holding your breath,
14:35
Speaker 3: all of those things, you are training your body to
14:38
Speaker 3: respond to a certain type of stimulation.
14:40
Speaker 2: Right, it makes sense.
14:41
Speaker 3: And so if you're not regularly switching things up, your
14:44
Speaker 3: body is like, Okay, this is what I need in
14:46
Speaker 3: order to feel turned on and in order to come
14:49
Speaker 3: If you find yourself like your vibrator just isn't cutting
14:51
Speaker 3: the mustard few or when you're going back to partner
14:54
Speaker 3: sex or what I like to call acoustic or analog masturbation,
14:58
Speaker 3: which is when you use your hands and not a
14:59
Speaker 3: fine day. Yeah, if that's feeling a bit numb, what
15:03
Speaker 3: you need to do is switch up your sex and
15:06
Speaker 3: masturbation routine. Incorporate different types of touch, different types of stimulation.
15:11
Speaker 3: We need to keep our body awake and energize, so
15:14
Speaker 3: we need to sensitize our tissue and are all of
15:16
Speaker 3: our erectile tissue in our body so over using vibrators
15:20
Speaker 3: will not destroy your nerve endings. But if you're finding
15:23
Speaker 3: that you're just not getting the same amount of pleasure,
15:25
Speaker 3: then you once had switch it up. Try a new
15:27
Speaker 3: type of toy, Try using it in a different way.
15:30
Speaker 3: Switch up your masturbation routine. Add some movement, add some
15:33
Speaker 3: breath into it, and that will bring back the pleasure.
15:37
Speaker 1: It's a perfect answer because it's literally what I do.
15:40
Speaker 1: Like I'll never just want his hands or just want
15:42
Speaker 1: his mouth, or just want my hands, or just want
15:43
Speaker 1: a vibrator like I actually enjoy all of it equally,
15:47
Speaker 1: So just make sure I mix it up all the time.
15:49
Speaker 1: And it's so cool because variety in sex for me anyway,
15:52
Speaker 1: it stops you from ever being bored because it keeps
15:53
Speaker 1: it really exciting.
15:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's before. Yeah, actually I've spoken about this where
15:57
Speaker 2: I've put myself on like a vibrator band because before
16:01
Speaker 2: I had my current partner, now I was doing that.
16:04
Speaker 2: I was doing exactly you just described of same position,
16:07
Speaker 2: same technique SA using the same vibrator and the same
16:10
Speaker 2: position not fully breathing, and I remember feeling that desensitized
16:14
Speaker 2: feeling where I was like, Oh, I just I need
16:16
Speaker 2: that specific setting in order for me to reach orgasm.
16:19
Speaker 2: And then when I met my current partner, now like
16:21
Speaker 2: I've leant away from it because I was relying on it.
16:24
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'll just use that instead of
16:26
Speaker 2: taking the time with myself for me to get there.
16:28
Speaker 2: And it wasn't as much of a practice as it
16:31
Speaker 2: was a oh, I'm going to just get to the O.
16:34
Speaker 2: And so it became less about being with myself and
16:37
Speaker 2: more about getting to the O. And then with my
16:38
Speaker 2: current partner now it's been less vibrator but more about
16:42
Speaker 2: breathing into it, connecting, being connected when we're in the act,
16:45
Speaker 2: and it's so much more about intimacy that my level
16:48
Speaker 2: of pleasure now has gone from down here with the
16:50
Speaker 2: vibrator to up here and through the roof of what
16:52
Speaker 2: you were talking about of like that limitless potential. It's
16:55
Speaker 2: only getting better with time, and I'm like, oh my god,
16:58
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that I could reach these levels
17:00
Speaker 2: of pleasure.
17:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the same with me. Like the last probably
17:04
Speaker 1: two years, I've even implemented self pleasure for myself. I
17:08
Speaker 1: used to, yeah, I just use a vibrator to get
17:11
Speaker 1: off and have an orgasm. But now it's like this
17:13
Speaker 1: whole experience during when my partner goes away, I'm like, oh,
17:16
Speaker 1: my time music and like a nice nightie and there's candles,
17:20
Speaker 1: and I set up this whole environment and actually take
17:22
Speaker 1: my time, and it is you get to make the
17:24
Speaker 1: whole We're talking about this with goal setting, the whole
17:26
Speaker 1: journey to get to the ode can be equally as
17:29
Speaker 1: pleasurable as having an orgasm. And I love touching myself now.
17:33
Speaker 1: I love my body, whether it's using oils and just
17:36
Speaker 1: like even looking in the mirror at myself and loving
17:38
Speaker 1: on my body. Because my younger self like hated looking
17:41
Speaker 1: at myself. I don't want to look at my body.
17:42
Speaker 1: I would criticize every inch of my body. And to
17:45
Speaker 1: be in a place now where I have this beautiful
17:47
Speaker 1: relationship with myself it's intensified the pleasure with myself and
17:51
Speaker 1: in my sex life with my partner, which is so beautiful.
17:54
Speaker 1: Yeahs oh yeah it is.
17:58
Speaker 3: And pleasure as a whole is incredibly healing from what
18:02
Speaker 3: you were just describing ashally, like the power of pleasure,
18:05
Speaker 3: of taking time for yourself, you know, And lots of
18:09
Speaker 3: us fall into this habitual routine of you know, masturbating
18:12
Speaker 3: in a certain way. We're like, oh, I've got five
18:14
Speaker 3: minutes until my next meeting. Yeah, let's quickly rub one
18:17
Speaker 3: out and get.
18:18
Speaker 2: On with your data.
18:20
Speaker 3: And so, you know, we get into this routine of
18:24
Speaker 3: just having wham, bam, thank you ma'am, really quick, short,
18:27
Speaker 3: sharp orgasms, often with a vibrator.
18:30
Speaker 2: Right.
18:31
Speaker 3: Not only does our body then potentially learn that's how
18:35
Speaker 3: it needs to respond in order to feel pleasure, but
18:37
Speaker 3: that also limits what we can experience, right.
18:40
Speaker 2: Yeah.
18:40
Speaker 3: I love using the analogy of you know, that sort
18:44
Speaker 3: of sex just getting off for the sake of it,
18:46
Speaker 3: as like takeaway food, right yeah, yeam, taste good in
18:50
Speaker 3: the moment, love it, it's quick, it's convenient, it is
18:53
Speaker 3: serving a need that you've got in that moment. But
18:56
Speaker 3: then we've also got this idea of a total degas station,
19:00
Speaker 3: and that sexual degustation does not have to be with
19:03
Speaker 3: a partner. It can be super hot and fun to
19:05
Speaker 3: do it with your partner, but it's also incredible to
19:08
Speaker 3: do it just with yourself. And so many women that
19:10
Speaker 3: I speak to when it comes to masturbation, they're like, well,
19:14
Speaker 3: I just can't be bothered going to all that effort
19:16
Speaker 3: for myself or why would I bother? Because you deserve it,
19:20
Speaker 3: and there is so much pleasure and richness and vitality
19:24
Speaker 3: that you get to experience, and you get to learn
19:27
Speaker 3: about your own body. Masturbation is critically important, especially for women,
19:32
Speaker 3: as a way to learn what your body likes and
19:35
Speaker 3: how your body responds. And so many people that I
19:38
Speaker 3: speak to you come to me and like, I want
19:39
Speaker 3: to have the most mind blowing, to curly back arching
19:42
Speaker 3: partnered sex. I want to come five times. And they're
19:45
Speaker 3: telling you all these things, and yet when it comes
19:48
Speaker 3: to masturbation, they haven't actually practiced these skills. And so
19:52
Speaker 3: it's like, well, when we're going into partnered sex with
19:55
Speaker 3: one partner or more than one partner, we're bringing all
19:59
Speaker 3: of our sexual stuff right, our preferences, our proclivities, our boundaries,
20:04
Speaker 3: what we don't like, like our sexual shame and taboo
20:09
Speaker 3: that we might be carrying. We're bringing that to a
20:11
Speaker 3: sexual encounter, and so is our partner. If we haven't
20:15
Speaker 3: taken the time to identify what turns us on, what
20:18
Speaker 3: makes us feel really alive and vital in our body,
20:21
Speaker 3: how we love to be touched, the type of touch
20:23
Speaker 3: that we do not want, and pumps the brakes on
20:26
Speaker 3: our desire. How are you ever going to be able
20:29
Speaker 3: to have that toe curling sex that you want in
20:32
Speaker 3: a partnered context. We need to identify and feel through
20:36
Speaker 3: our own bodies, like what's feeling good for me? And
20:39
Speaker 3: I think it's also important to note that that changes
20:42
Speaker 3: moment by moment. Right Just because yesterday you wanted to
20:45
Speaker 3: spend an hour masturbating and anointing the skin with some
20:49
Speaker 3: massage oil, giving yourself some nice self touch before moving
20:52
Speaker 3: into masturbation. Today, maybe you just want to get it on,
20:56
Speaker 3: watch some porn or read some erotica and have an orgasm.
21:00
Speaker 3: That's totally fine, and it's the same with partnered sex.
21:03
Speaker 3: Yesterday you might have wanted to it's really slow, sensual
21:07
Speaker 3: sex with lots of eye contact. Today you might want
21:10
Speaker 3: to be bent over and pounded out in doggie. And
21:12
Speaker 3: so what we want changes moment by moment, because we're
21:17
Speaker 3: changing moment by moment right our emotions, the processes that
21:20
Speaker 3: are happening in our body, our energy levels, how well
21:23
Speaker 3: we slept last night, what we ate today, how connected
21:25
Speaker 3: we're feeling to our partner. All of these things influence
21:29
Speaker 3: what we want, and so bringing it back to self,
21:32
Speaker 3: bringing it back to our own body and taking a
21:34
Speaker 3: moment to tune in and feel what am I noticing
21:37
Speaker 3: in my body right now? What would I like to
21:40
Speaker 3: feel from this sexual experience? And why am I moving
21:44
Speaker 3: towards this sexual experience right now? What is my motivation
21:48
Speaker 3: for wanting to have sex right now? Because that question
21:51
Speaker 3: can get you a lot closer to having the type
21:53
Speaker 3: of sex that you want to have right Are you
21:55
Speaker 3: wanting to have sex or masturbate right now because you
21:59
Speaker 3: are wanting a connection with yourself or with your partner?
22:02
Speaker 3: Is it because you're super horny and just want to
22:05
Speaker 3: tear their clothes off and touch them and share pleasure?
22:08
Speaker 3: What is that motivating force? Because when you identify that,
22:11
Speaker 3: then you can co create either with yourself or with
22:14
Speaker 3: a partner. The type of sexual experience that is going
22:17
Speaker 3: to light you up right now in this moment.
22:20
Speaker 2: Beautiful, that's so good, Lilie. I wanted to ask, what
22:23
Speaker 2: would you say to somebody who has sexual shame, who
22:26
Speaker 2: maybe isn't familiar with self pleasure or wants to explore
22:30
Speaker 2: new things with their partner, but they're feeling like that resistance,
22:33
Speaker 2: you know, that resistance when you go to self pleasure
22:35
Speaker 2: and you're like, Oh, I don't have the time, or
22:37
Speaker 2: I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be touching myself
22:39
Speaker 2: like this. Like, what would you say to a woman
22:41
Speaker 2: who wanted to go from that to openly feeling safe
22:44
Speaker 2: with self pleasure or even with their partner. How would
22:47
Speaker 2: you essentially get them from A to B?
22:50
Speaker 3: I think the first thing that I would recommend is
22:53
Speaker 3: to start engaging with some sex positive content. Follow some
22:57
Speaker 3: sexologists or sex educators on Instagram, sign up to some newsletters,
23:02
Speaker 3: listen to some podcasts like this one, take a couple
23:04
Speaker 3: of online courses. There's lots of fantastic free resources out
23:08
Speaker 3: there about sex education nowadays. I think that is a
23:11
Speaker 3: really foundational first step, because most of us get absolutely terrible,
23:16
Speaker 3: if not downright harmful sex education throughout our school. And
23:20
Speaker 3: then what we don't learn in school is kind of
23:22
Speaker 3: crowdsourced from external parties, whether that's our parents, our friends,
23:26
Speaker 3: our religious or cultural background, what we see in movies, TV,
23:30
Speaker 3: pop culture, pornography. None of these are really great examples
23:34
Speaker 3: for learning about sex. So I think find some really
23:38
Speaker 3: great comprehensive sex education resources. Start following some pleasure positive
23:43
Speaker 3: accounts on Instagram and build your appetite for that. Start
23:47
Speaker 3: getting curious, particularly when you've got sexual shame and trauma.
23:50
Speaker 3: Anytime we're working with sexual shame or sexual trauma, we
23:53
Speaker 3: need to work in a really slow, ti traded way, right,
23:56
Speaker 3: So just drip feeding it a little bit here and there,
24:00
Speaker 3: rather than just going balls to the walls with it,
24:02
Speaker 3: which can be super overwhelming and can be quite triggered
24:05
Speaker 3: as well, which we want to avoid. So get out there,
24:08
Speaker 3: start reading some books. I've got a list of resources
24:11
Speaker 3: on my website that I can send you the link to.
24:13
Speaker 3: That's a really great starting point. Outside of that, I
24:17
Speaker 3: would start with some mirror work and getting comfortable with
24:20
Speaker 3: being naked. So what naked time can you have with yourself?
24:25
Speaker 3: Maybe it's taking some time after your shower to really
24:28
Speaker 3: spend some time enjoying the feeling as you moisturize or
24:32
Speaker 3: apply some body oil to yourself, really enjoying that sensation
24:36
Speaker 3: and watching yourself do that in the mirror. Can you
24:39
Speaker 3: sleep naked? Can you have a naked TV mate once
24:43
Speaker 3: a week? Something like that to build your confidence with
24:46
Speaker 3: being naked, because that's something that I find holds a
24:49
Speaker 3: lot of women back from masturbation and from having really
24:53
Speaker 3: uninhibited partnered sex as well, is how they feel about
24:56
Speaker 3: their bodies. So building your own body confidence is really amazing.
24:59
Speaker 3: And just on the note of body confidence, because I
25:02
Speaker 3: think it's always worth mentioning this is a hill I
25:04
Speaker 3: will die on. Have a look at some volver diversity
25:07
Speaker 3: resources like Flip through My Flaps by Comfortable in My
25:10
Speaker 3: Skin at the LaBier Library, the Vulvar Gallery, get online
25:15
Speaker 3: and have a look at different genitals in the media.
25:18
Speaker 3: We have such a narrow representation of female genitalia and
25:21
Speaker 3: that leads many many women to think, oh, well, mine
25:24
Speaker 3: doesn't look like that, so it must be gross or
25:27
Speaker 3: disgusting or there's something wrong with me, And that's not
25:30
Speaker 3: the case. Our genitals are as diverse as our faces.
25:34
Speaker 3: We just don't see them. And in fact, in Australia
25:37
Speaker 3: there's actually laws around what media can show as far
25:41
Speaker 3: as female genitalia. So for example, on magazine covers, the
25:44
Speaker 3: external vulva has to be airbrushed into one neat crease.
25:49
Speaker 3: There can be no external labia visible or clitteress visible,
25:54
Speaker 3: nothing like that, which is horrific because through that process
25:58
Speaker 3: and through that law, we are limiting the diversity and
26:03
Speaker 3: representation of bodies that we can see. So get out there,
26:06
Speaker 3: have a look at some diverse representations of bodies, and
26:10
Speaker 3: if you're feeling brave, get naked with your friends, go
26:13
Speaker 3: for a skinny dip with your friends, sun bake naked
26:16
Speaker 3: with them, anything that can begin to get you comfortable
26:20
Speaker 3: with been in your own skin.
26:22
Speaker 1: I love that. Mirror work definitely helped me with that.
26:24
Speaker 1: And I've never really enjoyed porn, but when I started
26:27
Speaker 1: to read Colleen Hoover books, they really got me going.
26:31
Speaker 1: And then I had to go and recommend podcasts that
26:34
Speaker 1: read erotic stories to you. I love it, and I.
26:37
Speaker 3: Think that could be that you're doing the dishes or
26:39
Speaker 3: cleaning the house, to pop your headphones on and listen
26:41
Speaker 3: to some smart instantly right the other day right, And.
26:45
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a nice bridge if you're not
26:47
Speaker 1: quite ready to do the mirror work and like really
26:49
Speaker 1: look at your body. Like I understand that can be
26:51
Speaker 1: a bit of a process. Reading books or having erotica
26:54
Speaker 1: read to you. I think it's a really nice bridge
26:57
Speaker 1: to just get you relaxed and listen to someone else's
26:59
Speaker 1: voice and gets you out of your head of your
27:01
Speaker 1: to do list or this is wrong. It just like
27:03
Speaker 1: gets you really into it. I think it's a really
27:05
Speaker 1: nice bridge to start. Maybe not for everyone, but I
27:07
Speaker 1: know that really helped me in it. Now it's just
27:09
Speaker 1: another thing for variety. It's like I don't do it
27:11
Speaker 1: all the time, but every now and again, I'm like, oh,
27:13
Speaker 1: I want to listen to that podcast and it's like, oh,
27:15
Speaker 1: I'll get to hear the story about a pilot and
27:17
Speaker 1: a flight attendant and like it's fun. It's like a
27:20
Speaker 1: movie almost, but it's being read to you.
27:22
Speaker 2: Your voice messaged me. She'd be like, oh my god,
27:23
Speaker 2: just listen to sin. Need to listen to it so good.
27:28
Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, I love erotica so much. I
27:33
Speaker 3: am a total smut slut. I started a smart plut
27:36
Speaker 3: smut Sluts with my friend Eleanor Hadley, who's another smut enthusiast,
27:40
Speaker 3: And from an education perspective, there is so much value
27:45
Speaker 3: in smut and erotica outside of just simply deriving pleasure
27:49
Speaker 3: from it, which is a good enough reason to engage
27:51
Speaker 3: with it full stop. But I think reading it and
27:54
Speaker 3: engaging with erotic or listening to it is also a
27:57
Speaker 3: really great way to begin to learn what turns you on, right,
28:00
Speaker 3: because you're getting exposed to things that maybe you haven't
28:03
Speaker 3: heard of before, you're getting to try them, and you're
28:07
Speaker 3: getting to see yourself in that story of like maybe
28:10
Speaker 3: I'd like to be the main character in that scene.
28:12
Speaker 1: Wow, that is so true, because like if you listen
28:15
Speaker 1: to like I've listened to ones on threesomes, on orgies
28:17
Speaker 1: on an airplane with a strange at the workplace, and
28:21
Speaker 1: it's like you really do like if you're really turned
28:23
Speaker 1: on by it's like, oh, maybe that's something I want
28:25
Speaker 1: to try, or maybe it's just even if you don't
28:27
Speaker 1: want to actually act out. We talk about this all
28:29
Speaker 1: the time. There's fantasy that we were like we talk
28:31
Speaker 1: about being with women. It's like we're not sure if
28:33
Speaker 1: we actually want to do it, but even the idea
28:35
Speaker 1: about it, being able to talk about it, it's fun
28:36
Speaker 1: and exciting. Yeah, you really get to know yourself and
28:39
Speaker 1: what does turn you on and you can just play
28:41
Speaker 1: around with that.
28:41
Speaker 2: That's such a beautiful thing actually to recognize that, because
28:44
Speaker 2: you would be reading or hearing and having it being
28:46
Speaker 2: read to you and then notice the sensations in your
28:48
Speaker 2: body and then get to connect with your body through
28:51
Speaker 2: what you're experiencing and what you're reading.
28:53
Speaker 1: And once again, if someone else is doing it's like, oh,
28:55
Speaker 1: it's not so shameful. Other people like this too. It
28:57
Speaker 1: normalizes and dissolves that shame. I like the point that
29:00
Speaker 1: you said before as well.
29:01
Speaker 2: Around it gets you out of your head because it's
29:03
Speaker 2: kind of like when you watch a movie, right, all
29:05
Speaker 2: of your senses are zoomed in on that one thing,
29:07
Speaker 2: Like you're not really noticing what's happening around you. So
29:10
Speaker 2: it's like when you're being read that you're softening out
29:12
Speaker 2: from your head, dropping into your body because you're listening,
29:15
Speaker 2: you're consumed by your senses and what's happening in your
29:18
Speaker 2: body whilst you're being read this story. It's a really
29:21
Speaker 2: good entry way in.
29:22
Speaker 1: And there was things that I would think I have
29:24
Speaker 1: judged in the past, different scenarios or different choices people
29:28
Speaker 1: make around sex, and then I've been turned on by
29:30
Speaker 1: listening to something. I'm like, oh, hang on, okay, no,
29:33
Speaker 1: I can see that I just projected a judgment because
29:36
Speaker 1: I along the way thought that was wrong or dirty
29:38
Speaker 1: or slutty or bad, and I'm like, actually, no, not
29:41
Speaker 1: that big a deal. Like that's cool, that's.
29:43
Speaker 2: Hot, that's so cool. I like that story. Yeah, five stars, Yeah.
29:49
Speaker 1: That's really cool to that.
29:50
Speaker 3: And another great benefit that I see in smart and
29:53
Speaker 3: erotica is, particularly when we've got fantasies or there's certain
29:56
Speaker 3: sexual experiences that we want to try for the first time.
30:00
Speaker 3: If you were to come to a sexologist or read
30:02
Speaker 3: sex resources online about how to out that fantasy, that's
30:07
Speaker 3: all well and good, But I think there's so much
30:09
Speaker 3: value in smart and erotica because it literally lays out
30:12
Speaker 3: the scene play by play right, and it can give
30:14
Speaker 3: you so much inspiration of like, ooh, I could say
30:18
Speaker 3: that I could move in that way, you know, because
30:21
Speaker 3: it can be so hard to think. All right, So
30:24
Speaker 3: this is what we've agreed on for this role play
30:27
Speaker 3: but how do I actually bring that to life? So
30:29
Speaker 3: it can be a really incredible resource to see it
30:32
Speaker 3: coming together in that way.
30:33
Speaker 2: I'm just realizing this in this conversation is that it's
30:35
Speaker 2: almost like an invitation because when you're reading something, you
30:38
Speaker 2: can leave what doesn't resonate and take what does. Whereas
30:42
Speaker 2: not demonizing like porn or anything like that, but when
30:44
Speaker 2: you watch porn is almost like an expectation of like, oh,
30:46
Speaker 2: I should behave in the way that they're behaving. Whereas
30:49
Speaker 2: when you're reading smart you take yourself on the journey
30:51
Speaker 2: based on your own imagination, so you're creating the story
30:54
Speaker 2: how you believe that it would be based on what
30:56
Speaker 2: they're giving you, and then you can make up your
30:58
Speaker 2: own entire scene.
30:59
Speaker 1: So true. I've got one more question for you, though,
31:02
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's been a conversation amongst my
31:05
Speaker 1: girlfriends for many years. I see it in forums all
31:07
Speaker 1: the time, and it's like, is it true that is
31:10
Speaker 1: it one in eight or only? I don't know. A
31:13
Speaker 1: very small percentage of us can come from g spot.
31:16
Speaker 1: Most of us can only come through clitteral stimulation? Is
31:20
Speaker 1: this fact? Can we all do it? If so, how
31:22
Speaker 1: do we do it is there certain toys we can
31:24
Speaker 1: get from Bush or give us.
31:26
Speaker 3: The T all right, here's the T and again a
31:29
Speaker 3: little bit of mythbat Stine. So the G spot isn't
31:31
Speaker 3: actually one standalone spot. It is actually part of the
31:35
Speaker 3: entire clitter urethraw vaginal complex or the CUV for sut okay,
31:41
Speaker 3: such a mouthful. Your G spot is part of your
31:44
Speaker 3: entire clitteral network. Right, Your clitterist is not just a
31:47
Speaker 3: small bean like structure that you see on the outside
31:50
Speaker 3: right flicking the bean, you know, it is so much
31:53
Speaker 3: bigger than that. It extends into your body, wraps around
31:56
Speaker 3: your vaginal canal, and the G spot is part of
31:58
Speaker 3: the clitteral network. So when people are speaking about not
32:02
Speaker 3: having experienced a G spot orgasm, everybody's body is different
32:06
Speaker 3: and responds differently. But I think with the right combination
32:09
Speaker 3: of stimulation and the right tools and techniques, a lot
32:12
Speaker 3: of people can experience that sort of deep pleasure. And
32:16
Speaker 3: what I would encourage people to do is to park
32:19
Speaker 3: the idea of wanting to experience this clitteral orgasm or
32:23
Speaker 3: a vaginal or a G spot orgasm, right, because I
32:26
Speaker 3: think when we get so focused on having an orgasm
32:29
Speaker 3: as our end goal. We get tunnel vision right, And
32:32
Speaker 3: as we were discussing at the beginning of this conversation,
32:35
Speaker 3: we forget about the whole journey. If we're just thinking, yeah,
32:38
Speaker 3: I want to come, I want to come, I want
32:39
Speaker 3: to come, we're not open and we haven't surrendered to
32:43
Speaker 3: this sexual experience and what is unfolding moment by moment
32:46
Speaker 3: before us. So I'm not saying don't have orgasms or
32:50
Speaker 3: don't think about them. That's not it. But just take
32:52
Speaker 3: a bit of the pressure off and take a bit
32:53
Speaker 3: of the focus off, because the thing about orgasms is
32:56
Speaker 3: the more you think about them and the more you
32:58
Speaker 3: focus on them, the more elusive they become. It's very frustrating.
33:03
Speaker 3: The more we can do to actually hop into our
33:05
Speaker 3: bodies and to feel and to dial that up and
33:08
Speaker 3: to be more present, the more pleasure we're going to
33:11
Speaker 3: experience when it comes to G spot stimulation. So if
33:15
Speaker 3: you were to use your fingers, you would insert your
33:18
Speaker 3: fingers about to the second knuckle and then curve them
33:21
Speaker 3: up towards your belly, and when you're super turned on,
33:24
Speaker 3: your G spot will feel like kind of ridgy, like
33:26
Speaker 3: the roof of your mouth. And when you're super turned on,
33:29
Speaker 3: it'll feel a bit puffier, more like the inside of
33:32
Speaker 3: your cheek if you would have run your tongue along
33:33
Speaker 3: the inside of your cheek. We want to be as
33:36
Speaker 3: turned on as possible. For most people with Evolver, it
33:39
Speaker 3: takes between twenty to forty minutes for full physiological arousal
33:43
Speaker 3: to happen, and so this means you're getting as turned
33:46
Speaker 3: on as possible. All of that blood flow and a
33:48
Speaker 3: rectile tissue in your genitals is engaging, you are dropping
33:52
Speaker 3: deeper into the feeling. There's so many things that are
33:54
Speaker 3: happening physiologically that we need to allow time for to unfold,
33:58
Speaker 3: because otherwise we're not going to be able to experience
34:01
Speaker 3: as much pleasure as possible, and so get us turned
34:03
Speaker 3: on as possible that I would recommend. There's a couple
34:07
Speaker 3: from Bush that I really really love. There is a
34:09
Speaker 3: helix design gyrating vibrator. It's kind of shaped like a
34:13
Speaker 3: DNA helix that twists around and the tip of it
34:16
Speaker 3: moves and gyrates in a few different ways, and so
34:18
Speaker 3: that can be really amazing for g spot stimulation and
34:22
Speaker 3: the same as a rabbit vibrator. So an internal arm
34:25
Speaker 3: that goes inside your vagina, and then an arm that
34:27
Speaker 3: stimulates your glitterus. That one is another great one from Bush.
34:32
Speaker 3: The arm it's internal actually moves like this, so it
34:35
Speaker 3: oscillates and stimulates your G spot and more of a
34:38
Speaker 3: focus on what pleasure can I derive from this part
34:42
Speaker 3: of my body, what stimulation feels best for me. Some
34:45
Speaker 3: people thrive on G spot stimulation and that is what
34:48
Speaker 3: they're chasing during most sexual experiences. Other people can find
34:52
Speaker 3: it a bit too intense, so it's really important to
34:54
Speaker 3: experiment and get to know your body, how your body responds,
34:58
Speaker 3: and what feels good for you.
35:01
Speaker 2: You mentioned something earlier before around like women holding their breath.
35:05
Speaker 2: How important would you deem breathing when it comes to
35:08
Speaker 2: being able to reach orgasm, but not just focusing on
35:10
Speaker 2: the end goal, focusing on the journey and what kind
35:13
Speaker 2: of techniques would you recommend, like anybody listening to kind
35:15
Speaker 2: of get to that place of getting out of your
35:17
Speaker 2: head and dropping into your body.
35:18
Speaker 3: Breath is critically important for our sexual experiences.
35:22
Speaker 1: It is erotic pump.
35:23
Speaker 3: It is a way that we are able to upregulate,
35:26
Speaker 3: so either increase our arousal or downregulate, so decrease or
35:31
Speaker 3: keep our arousal plateauing. Most people have a pattern of
35:35
Speaker 3: holding their breath during sex and masturbation, particularly as they're
35:38
Speaker 3: approaching orgasm. Right, you stop moving, start holding your breath, You're.
35:41
Speaker 1: Like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm nearly there.
35:43
Speaker 3: Next time you approach orgasm, slow deep breaths into your belly.
35:48
Speaker 3: It might take you a bit longer to orgasm, but
35:51
Speaker 3: I dare say it will be so much more powerful.
35:54
Speaker 3: Breath circulates the sexual energy, the sensations that we're feeling,
35:58
Speaker 3: the arousal throughout our entire body, right, rather than just
36:01
Speaker 3: having a localized genitial response. So to breath work to
36:05
Speaker 3: techniques that you can use if you want to increase
36:07
Speaker 3: your arousal, whether during masturbation or partnered sex. Imagine you
36:11
Speaker 3: are drinking through a straw, So purse your lips like
36:13
Speaker 3: you're about to drink through a straw, and it's a
36:15
Speaker 3: quick in out breath like this, just like that, and
36:21
Speaker 3: we're not forcing the exhale out, we're not pushing it
36:24
Speaker 3: out really hard, We're just letting it naturally fall out
36:27
Speaker 3: after that quick inhalation. So that's a really incredible one
36:31
Speaker 3: to build more arousal and We can also combine that
36:33
Speaker 3: with some movement as well, so like some pelvic tilts
36:36
Speaker 3: for your pubic bone, and imagine that rocking back and
36:39
Speaker 3: forth and just sink your breath with that, And that
36:43
Speaker 3: movement is a really great arousal booster as well when
36:47
Speaker 3: it comes to downregulation. So say if you are moving
36:50
Speaker 3: close to orgasm, but you don't want to orgasm just yet,
36:53
Speaker 3: or you want to just let the sensation circulate through
36:56
Speaker 3: your body, which can make an orgasmic experience. Right, we're
37:01
Speaker 3: riding these orgasmic waves rather than having one short sharp orgasm.
37:05
Speaker 3: So deepen the breath right into the belly. So we
37:08
Speaker 3: want the exhale to be one or two counts longer
37:11
Speaker 3: than the inhale. Inhale for three and exhale for five
37:15
Speaker 3: out the mouth. Exhaling out your mouth is a really
37:19
Speaker 3: important part of that process, particularly for downregulation, because when
37:22
Speaker 3: we lengthen our exhale longer than our inhale and exhale
37:27
Speaker 3: throughout our mouth, it signals to our parasympathetic nervous system,
37:30
Speaker 3: so our rest and digest function of our nervous system.
37:33
Speaker 3: Oh it's safe, I can relax, And this is what
37:36
Speaker 3: we need during sex and pleasure, particularly for women. We
37:39
Speaker 3: need a higher level of emotional safety in order to
37:42
Speaker 3: be able to let go and explore the depths of
37:45
Speaker 3: our pleasure and have those toe curling orgasms that we're
37:48
Speaker 3: all so hungry for.
37:50
Speaker 1: So, if anyone has never bought a sex toy, or
37:55
Speaker 1: maybe they' bought lots of sex toys, but in the
37:57
Speaker 1: market for a new one, which one from the Bush website?
37:59
Speaker 1: Would you be?
38:00
Speaker 3: Like?
38:00
Speaker 1: That is my number one?
38:02
Speaker 3: Okay, I can't narrow it down to one. I'm going
38:04
Speaker 3: to give you two. Number one would be the bullet vibrator. Again,
38:08
Speaker 3: criminally underrated. Don't knock it till you try it. It's
38:10
Speaker 3: so versatile. You can use it during masturbation, partnered sex.
38:14
Speaker 3: You can use it on your nipples to tease along
38:16
Speaker 3: your partner's body. Delicious. Other than that, I would probably
38:20
Speaker 3: go for Bush's new clit sucker the Empress title. It's
38:25
Speaker 3: air suction technology is so good you will come like
38:30
Speaker 3: a freight train.
38:31
Speaker 1: Wow.
38:32
Speaker 2: So we will take two.
38:36
Speaker 3: If you're using clitsucker vibrators like that, lubelube loube, so
38:41
Speaker 3: fill a little air hole with lube. It's gonna make
38:44
Speaker 3: it feel like you're getting mind blowing oral sex.
38:46
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I would have never known that.
38:49
Speaker 1: No, neither where do we find you on social media.
38:52
Speaker 3: On Instagram at sex with Lily, Sex with Lily la
38:57
Speaker 3: doublel I E or on my website at Lilybrown dot com.
39:01
Speaker 1: Thank you so freaking much. We will leave Lily's details
39:04
Speaker 1: down below. Will all leave the bush websites. You guys
39:06
Speaker 1: can go and shop those goodies and our description box
39:09
Speaker 1: below and we will definitely do a part two one
39:10
Speaker 1: day because there is so much more to explore sex.
39:12
Speaker 1: It's just so fun.
39:13
Speaker 2: This is such a beautiful conversation and something that needs
39:15
Speaker 2: to be had more.
39:16
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, ladies. Bye,