Latest / Still Well Podcast / Finding Your Purpose in Midlife: Trusting God Over Self-Doubt

Transcript

Finding Your Purpose in Midlife: Trusting God Over Self-Doubt · Still Well Podcast

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Still Well Podcast.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Brooke Stowa, your host, and thank you for joining me again as we discuss all things midlife and what comes after the kids have grown up in this next phase.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: What are our choices?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: What are we going to do with that phase of life?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are we going to get into a comfort zone and status quo and sort of ease into maybe a state of peace and rest, which actually sounds pretty good.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But are we going to also maybe combine that peace and rest with adventure and more joy and really seeking out our calling in this next phase of life and what our purpose is and what God has for us to do?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, I just believe so much for us as women and us as moms as we enter a new phase as the kids are growing up and don't need us as much that, you know, it's so easy for us to take a step back and just feel like maybe all that we were called to do and the bigness of our life is sort of behind us and we're just going to sort of coast and cruise control into whatever's next and just kind of hang out and live vicariously through our kids, which is not a bad thing to be close to your kids and want to delight in grandchildren.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I pray for that on the regular.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have grandkids yet, but I'm I'm praying for that, God willing.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, I also don't want us to lose track of the fact that there is still so much good for us to do that if we're waking up and we have breath in our lungs, God has something for us.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I just have this sense of Jesus is close and his kingdom is closer than we believe.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to be actively preparing for that.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think just doing our part to further the kingdom and to bring others to know Jesus and to just at the end of the day, above all of that, I think the mission, well, I know the mission is because Jesus said it is to love him with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength, but to also love others.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter what our age is or what our season of life is, we are still called to do that.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, you know, I get up in the morning, I'm like, okay, how am I going to best love and serve others?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: How am I going to be the hands and feet of Jesus?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: What does God want me to be pursuing and doing in this phase of life?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And those are big questions.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they can be, at least for me, stressful questions.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I do believe they're ones that we actively need to still be answering because there's still so much good work for us to be doing.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I've said this before, we're great people to be doing this work because we have the gift of time and experience that comes with time, the wisdom that comes with age, the wisdom that comes with raising other human beings and learning to put other people's needs ahead of our own and the gift of time management because we had so much, you know, that we were juggling when our kids were young.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But there's just so much, I think, wisdom and good that we as moms in the next phase of life or in an empty nest or heading to an emptiness bring to the table that I just we don't, I don't want us to shy away from what it is that God is calling us to do.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I this is gonna be a little bit of a sensitive talk for me today, which I think I lead most of these podcasts with it.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually just sat down for a minute to sort of think through how this was gonna go and what I wanted to talk about.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I also am remembering to spend time in prayer with God before I start these podcasts because I just want to make sure that I'm hopeful and I'm prayerful that what is coming out of my mouth to you all and what is being recorded is from God.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's for the glory of God and not for just me.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So that carries a heavy weight on my heart.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel actually a little anxious coming into this, which should be the opposite, because I should be leaning on God and trusting that He'll show up.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: But for some reason, I I don't know.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you even want to be hearing this?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel the weight, the sense of I want to really get it right for you guys and for God, you know?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, but this is a little sensitive to me because I I historically, and I've probably shared this with you, but it's worth mentioning again.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I have historically struggled with self-doubt, with uh self-confidence, with uh just feeling that I belong.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I put in particular struggle with other women and what they think of me and wanting to put my value in what other people think, specifically women, how they feel about me or what they might be thinking of me.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm that person that like walks into the room of people and I'm like wanting to watch everything I say because how is it going to be received and what are they thinking and wanting to do the right thing and say the right thing and not be misinterpreted.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a that's a heavy, heavy burden.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think it's one that God calls us to.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I I know that my problem there, and I actively pray about this, I pray about this actually for myself and for my kids, is that I would not find my co confidence or worth or value in anything but him, that I would rely far less on what other people think and say about me and rely far more on what God thinks and feels about me and says about me.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to work at that daily because that is a big struggle for me.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: In one way, maybe it's a blessing because it allows me to remain humble, even though I need to do a whole nother podcast on pride because I have pride that shows up in other ways.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a really a lot of doubt.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the problem with that is I think maybe while self-doubt can keep you humble, it can also keep you from actively and boldly stepping into the thing that God wants you to do because you're just worried about what other people are gonna think, or you're worried that you're not gonna be good enough, or you're not gonna show up well, or you're gonna get it wrong and fail.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's that's always something that I have to struggle with and actively push against and actively just ask God to give me his mind, to help me to think his thoughts, to help me to see things the way they really are.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've told you about this in the last couple episodes because I've been praying about this a lot, but it is something that I actively have to push against if I want to step into what God calls me to.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason this was really on my heart today is because about a week ago, a little more than a week ago, I actually applied for a leadership program, a sort of a mentorship it's a cohort for leadership.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it's all women and women in all aspects of life.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that you are a stay-at-home mom and wanting to show up better in your community and your family.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that you're running a business and you want to show up in leadership with your team.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that you are volunteering and you want to show up well in that space.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it looks like, it's women in all different walks of life, but with one goal in mind to be them best selves and to step up into rules of leadership to guide and help their community.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I I have been thinking a lot about and feeling on my heart just a little bit disconnected and a little lonely.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's me being really raw and vulnerable with you guys.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want more on that, I think it's maybe the third podcast episode I recorded about loneliness and friendship in midlife.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's a struggle too.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But because of that, and because I've also been reading and just being reinforced and maybe even God speaking to me that like we're not meant to do this Christian walk alone.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: We're not, we're meant for connection.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're meant to be in connection with other people, for people to lift us up and help us along the way.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been feeling a real sense of that and needing that just network and that accountability and that connection.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I just want to be as well equipped as possible for the Stillwell mom and this community that I'm building here online.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I decided to apply for this leadership program or this cohort.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that was last Sunday afternoon.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Today is now the following Monday.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been eight days.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was told during the application process that I would find out in five to eight days whether I had been admitted, because it wasn't just a case of filling out a form and paying and you get into the group.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: This was like you had to apply for it.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then I didn't even know what that entail.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what it what it entailed was a full application with references were needed, and then I had to do a three-minute like video interview and just all like it entailed a lot more than I even had anticipated.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then what I found was I I stepped away from it.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I did it as quickly as I could, and then I stepped away from it and sent everything.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as I hit send, I was like, oh my gosh, I didn't put enough time into that.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I should have redone the interview.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, and part of me is like, and maybe you guys can relate to this.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Part of me was like, it's never gonna be perfect.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just, you know, be yourself and just send it in.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the other part of me is like, did I just self-sabotage that because I'm afraid and a little nervous about doing it?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if I just self-sabotage to the extent that, well, let me just throw in whatever I can.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if I don't get in, like it's fine.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's on, that's on them or that's on me.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and maybe I was trying to not get that position in a weird way, even though I was filling it out.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: That probably makes absolutely no sense.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: But here we are.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is you're seeing the inner workings of Brooke's brain.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so anyway, I'm still left guessing, geez, if I don't get that, if I don't get accepted into the program, is that on me?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Did I not try enough?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Should I have done better?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Should I this?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Should I that?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And this weekend, um my husband and I were out together.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: We were having dinner, and I mentioned that, you know, I was checking my email on the way to a play we were going to, and I said, Oh, I might have gotten it.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Looks like um an email came through on this cohort that I applied for.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I said, Oh no, it it was something else.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he goes, Yeah, how is that going?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: What have you heard?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on there?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, I am a bit anxious because, you know, it's been about seven or eight days, and I was supposed to hear back and I haven't heard anything back.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, is that a good thing?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is that a bad thing?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are they taking long because they're, you know, maybe it would have been worse if I'd heard right away because it would have been a hard note.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who knows what the reasoning is or what is going on behind it, but it caused me to really start to think through that and realize that I was a little anxious about it.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband, he said, well, you know, either way, it's fine.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of live our life.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like if God opens that door, it's a door to walk through.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: But if it closes, that's okay.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's not what you what he has for you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually pray that prayer over myself and my kids and my husband very frequently.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, open the doors that you want us to walk through and close the doors that you won't, and give us the patience and perseverance to walk away from the doors you closed and the strength and the courage to walk through the doors you open.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I pray that.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I said to my husband, I just am bracing myself because I know it's God's timing.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I know if that door doesn't open, it wasn't the right door for me.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm bracing myself because I'm also actively reminding myself that, Brooke, if this door doesn't open, if you don't get accepted into this program, that says nothing about your self-worth, about your goodness, about your intent, about what God wants you to be doing, about whether or not you should be pursuing the still well mom and other things.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, somebody else saying that you are accepted into a program or quote, the person to be in that program has nothing to do with whether God is calling you or not.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that, guys, that's an important thing.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's an important thing because I just think, especially as women's, we rely so heavily heavily on what other people are thinking about us or saying about us.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, at least for me, I rely on getting boosts of confidence from people speaking good and truth over my life.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And those things are important.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: But what are we gonna believe if somebody is speaking negativity over us?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: What if we are looking for reassurance and we don't get it?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: That we have to be reminded and we have to remember at the end of the day, it's God.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's God's calling on us.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It what it's what God says about us that matters the most.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to be listening for that voice, for his voice, for his spirit in us above any other voice that we listen to.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just am I'm reading a book right now by Lisa Bevere.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Lioness Rising, and I may have mentioned this to you all before, I'm not sure, but that opening chapter, she states that she had had a dream about ministry for herself.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm just paraphrasing here.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: You need to read the book, so don't quote me exactly.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: But essentially, she was a young mom, she was pregnant with another one of her children, and she had this dream that she was stepping like a lioness rising into ministry and into more work.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And she at that time was like full of self-doubt and anxiety and just didn't think that she, she just didn't trust herself really.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, woke up from that.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's no way.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And a little bit later, she went to lunch with two friends, one of them who was an evangelist and a speaker and uh like a Christian thought leader and somebody who she held in high regard.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And towards the end of that lunch, she shared the dream and what she thought God was calling her to.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And basically what she says is that that woman that was in ministry that she held in high regard said, Oh gosh, well, that couldn't have been from God.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're not ready for that yet.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And man, did that strike a chord with me?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because if that had been me, I feel like I would have said, Okay, well, I guess like that's not what I'm supposed to do.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have walked away completely disheartened and just assuming that God was speaking to me through that woman that she must have known because of where she was in her life and who am I to dream big for myself or to think God wants something else.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And what Lisa actually did and what she walked away from there was saying, I'll show her.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: If this is from God, I'm gonna do it.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And not what anybody else says to me, I don't care who who it is, is going to get me down.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, now I have something to prove.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: And man, that I smile if you're watching me on YouTube.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're seeing my smile because I would love to have some more of that courage to say, well, okay, test me.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Test me and see.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let me show you what I'm gonna do.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm trying to look at this process as I'm waiting to hear back from this application, reminding myself of that message and reminding myself again that what God says is more important than what anyone else says.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And what God calls us to is more important than what anybody else speaks over our life.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe if I don't get accepted, that it's the challenge I need to just step up and step into my own power that I don't have to have other people, other women specifically, necessarily telling me that I'm good enough.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because if God thinks that I'm good enough and God is calling me to something and I believe the Lord, then who am I to shy away or back away from anything?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's that same thing that I've talked about before that we have to put God first above everything else in our life.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the Bible clearly states that.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then everything else will fall into place.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we not only need to put him first and like from a time perspective, from relying on him, from making him the most important thing, even over our husbands and our families, but we also need to put his thought of us and what he says about us and the truth of his word above anything else that we think about ourselves or even want to say about ourselves or speak over our own lives.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I, it's so important.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for some reason, as moms and women, we don't, we don't do that enough, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're so quick to doubt ourselves.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're so quick to doubt this next phase of life.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're so so quick to question whether we are good enough or whether we can do it.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And and I just think we need to stop.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know, at least, okay, let me not speak that to you because maybe you're not like this.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, I need to stop that.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I need to stop that, especially now.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Me being 50 years old and thinking, like, gosh, like I I spent most of my adult years, maybe what I would consider my prime years, raising my kids, often sleepless.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, but dealing and struggling significantly with anxiety and obsessive and intrusive thoughts that were sometime felt debilitating, that I just very often wasn't present for anything.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I was anxious in my work.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And now to start to come on the other side where I have more time and freedom in my life just because my kids don't need me as much.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And secondarily, just from spending time with the Lord and stepping into a season of fearing less, not that I don't don't fear or still have anxiety, but really just embracing him and allowing him to transform me and transform my mind that I I I don't wanna I I feel this need to like I don't wanna waste it.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to waste this next phase.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to waste these gifts, this gift of time, this gift of freedom, this gift of transforming me that God has given me by listening to doubts or listening to what other people say, even what maybe culture and society says about women as they age.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't want that for my life.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to step into this next season with more bravery and more boldness in the Lord and more of a calling on my heart to do what I can to further the kingdom with whatever time that I have left.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we can't, I don't, I'm not gonna do that well if I'm constantly listening to what the world says or to what other people say about me.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or even let's add on top of that what I say about myself.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, it's easy to talk about other women being critics of us.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to have a whole conversation about why do we, why do we do that?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we find it hard to, at least for me, and I think many of us, hard to find connection, solid connection with other women.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we quick to be in competition and tear each other down?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's a story for another day, but beyond just listening to what other people are saying, even just listening to the our own self-sabotage and negative talk, it just gets ridiculous.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: The things that we tell ourselves, the voices that we listen to that are not from God.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to rise above that and claim more of God's truth and more of a reliance on his word and what he says, and even in particular, what he says about women.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to walk you all through some of this as a reminder to all of you and to me, because I think sometimes even in our churches, we can feel like just maybe question where we belong or where we fit in and are can we be powerful for God's work and for the gospel?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to reassure you, as I've been being so convicted these last couple of weeks in the Bible and reading Lisa and some of these other things that women are such an important piece to the work that God is doing.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: We are so important, and it doesn't matter what our age is.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to, if you're waking up in your days and wondering if there's any place for you now or where you fit in or what you should, if anything, be doing, I want to encourage you that there is something, something for you to be doing.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just take, I'm gonna bring my actually let me take my notebook first, and then there's something I want to read to you from the Bible specifically that I brought up on my iPad, just the verses.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to encourage you and remind you of some of these women in the Bible, these strong, brave women that were used in the Bible, that if you are doubting where your place is because you're a woman, think of women like Ruth.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Ruth, who stepped forward and stood alongside her mother-in-law, Naomi, when all was lost and was obedient to her and obedient to the Lord, and stepped out in faith and became in the lineage of King David, and because of that, Jesus.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Think about Esther, who stood up for her nation and risked her own life as a queen.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: She was a queen.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: She was in leadership in a foreign country and risked her own life to save the Jewish people.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Think about women like Deborah, who in Judges 4 and 5 led the Israelites into battle with Barak because he was a man.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: He was a uh he was in the military and he was afraid to go on his own without Deborah, and she went with him into battle.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: She was a woman judge at the time of all male leadership.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think of women like Rahab, even, and in particular, Rahab, if you are somebody who questions yourself because of your past or things you've done, God uses anyone and can redeem anything.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Rahab was a prostitute, you guys.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: She was a prostitute.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And she, when the Israelites sent spies into Jericho to spy on that area before they were going in to take it over, she hid the spies and kept them safe.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then they they had this whole thing where she put out a rope whenever they came to invade and they promised that they would keep her and her family safe, which they did.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: They held up to their end.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: She saved herself and her family by her act of.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Boldness and courage and even faith.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And God took that faithful choice, that woman who was a prostitute, and she is actually in the lineage of Jesus.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: She is one of the ancestors of our Lord.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just wrap your brain around that.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking that you're not good enough because of your past sins or because the way you lived your life, or you're doubting yourself because you're a woman, just think on that for a second.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: It gives me so much hope.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So much hope for what I can do in this next phase of life.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you are doubting yourself because of your age, think about Sarah, who had Isaac, who led to the nation of Israel when she was like, what, 80 years old, you guys?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: God was still using her.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Moses, I don't know if you realize this because I never really paid attention to it before.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: But when God spoke to him in the burning bush to go and talk to Pharaoh and to lead his people out of Israel, do you know how old he was?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Moses was 80 years old.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: 80.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm over here 50 questioning, oh gosh, am I on the downswing?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: What how am I going to be used now?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: What is like, is it time for me to just sit back and quote, retire?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, you guys.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: We have so like God is still doing good works in us.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important for us to have these reminders.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important for us to stay in his word so we know what his word is, what the truth actually is.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Anna, one of my favorite people in the Bible, she was around 84 years old, maybe older.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: She was a widow and had been.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: She had been faithfully in the temple looking for the Lord, seeking him with her whole heart.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And she was chosen as one of the first people in the Bible to see Jesus and proclaim and know that he was the Messiah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: An 84-year-old widow.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, God uses all of us and at all times.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: So don't think for one second, regardless of your age, your status, what your past is, because you're a female, whatever it is you're telling yourself, don't listen to it.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is good in you.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: There is good in all of us.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: God is using us.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: God needs women to step into their power, to hold on to the strengths that we have, to our, we're called to our meekness, which I just found out.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm really on a tangent, but this is it awesome to me about being meek.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Meek isn't weak.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Meek is not weak.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is something so important for us to understand as women because I think meekness describes us, and I love it so much, because meekness is not weakness, it is strength, but strength controlled.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love that we can be strong and we can step into our power, but we can do it in a graceful and mature and loving and controlled way.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's where our strength lies, you guys.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: But we won't be able to step into it if we're constantly believing negativity.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just want to encourage you.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: I also want to encourage you on God's timing.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, this is a big thing for me because I want things right away.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when I decide to do something, I want to see it come to fruition.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see big things from it.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see people helped.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not always how God works, you know, like we have to wait on his timing.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another thing I'm reminding myself as I wait to hear from this application process.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a no now, it doesn't mean it's going to be a no later.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And God knows the timing that's best.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's something better coming along that we didn't know about.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's something he's protecting us from.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the next thing coming along is even better.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if he gave us this thing that we think we need and want now, we would miss out on the other thing.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's the other thing we have to remember that like God is outside of space and time.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: This always blows my mind.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's not just right here with us in the present, but he's seeing the past and he's also seeing the future all in one.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: So he knows what's happening ahead.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't, and neither do you.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if it's a no to something that we're hoping for, it doesn't mean it's because we're not worth it.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't say anything about who we are and our worth.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: It might just be, and it is because God's seeing the future too, and he knows how everything needs to work to get us to the best possible space for us and to be used well by him.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not going to happen if we doubt or if we cower away in fear.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Fear is not from God.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to remind myself of that like constantly that if I'm fearful about something, that's not a reason to do or not do something because it's not from God.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: So timing, and sometimes we do have to be patient.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think age can teach us patience, but I also think sometimes for me, and and I know that we still have a lot of life to live, but for me, it's like I just feel like time is pressing.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I want things to happen more quickly.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we still we need, we need to be patient.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: We need to wait on the Lord because He goes ahead of us.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that's a really important thing too.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing that I just want to speak to you is that the size of what you're doing or what you perceive to be the bigness or the worth is not the way God perceives it.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe I'm not explaining myself well.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: I guess what I want to say is we don't have to be famous.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to be reaching thousands of people.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to have the really like big, shiny job.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to have tons of people under our leadership.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to have a big rule in a career space to be important, to be doing God's work.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think God works very often some of his biggest things in obscurity.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, as I'm praying to the Lord for what's next for me, I am praying as well, Lord, whether that's big things and big influence and what the world would perceive as success or in obscurity, whatever I do, let it be done for your glory to win other people for Jesus.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I think that's where we have to be a little humble and let go of pride.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are feeling discouraged because in any way you're thinking that what you're doing and what you have on your heart to do isn't big enough, every little bit counts.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the biggest things that we can do sometimes is just take that next step, even if it seems like a small step in obedience.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't know, and this is a quote that I'm throwing in from BJ Palmer, who was one of the founders of chiropractic, but you never know how far reaching something you think, say, or do today can affect the lives of millions tomorrow.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I say that, and I may not have got that quote perfectly right, but the reason I say that is because we don't know, and we won't know until we get on the other side of this earth and into heaven, like what we did and how that played out, because maybe you felt like you reached only one person, or maybe you felt like you didn't reach anybody at the time that you were doing something, but you don't know what that looks like for that person and for or for other people they reach down the road.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you had an impact on just one person's life through this next course of your life, ask yourself if that would be enough.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to remind myself if I impacted just one person, it's enough because every person counts, every person matters.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be the big group of people.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and so I think that these are, again, important reminders for us.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to go back and encourage you again about women and the importance of us.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk about Jesus for a minute because I'm reading the Bible recap, as most of you know, and come October something, I don't think it was October 1st, maybe, we finally got into the New Testament.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And reading through the Old Testament is a long haul.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: But and I would joke with a friend that was reading with it, like in the days leading up to when we were starting the New Testament, Jesus is coming, and it's just so affirming after reading all the mess-ups and just the trials and the oh, the Old Testament sometimes is tough.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, then Jesus comes and hits the scene.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've been just so affirmed by him and the importance that he places on women.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to reassure you that if you're doubting your importance, remember how important the women were that Jesus had in his life.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to just read you from Luke, and I have this scripture up in my iPads because I don't have it memorized, so forgive me.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but this is Luke 8, 1 through 3.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it says, after this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: The twelve were with him, and I'm just gonna take a side note here, the twelve meaning his disciples, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Mary called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had come out, Joanna, the wife of Chusa, the manager of Herod's household, Susanna, and many others, these women were helping to support them out of their own means.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I love this verse.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: This might be like currently my favorite part of scripture because it speaks about like Jesus, Jesus, our Jesus, who had his 12 apostles, who we hear so much about all the time, which thank God for them.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: But this verse speaks to not only the 12, but the women who were with them.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the women who were not only with them, they were supporting them, supporting them out of their own means.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that might have been financial resources.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Women in that era who were actively funding Jesus' traveling ministry.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wrap your brain around that for a second, you guys.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: We are important.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are important.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then just go a step further because Mary Magdalene, she, as far as I remember, well, first of all, she had demons in her, so she was doing something wasn't right, but she was a prostitute.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: And she was with Jesus and the apostles.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: She was walking with them and supporting them.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: She was close to Jesus.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: He loved her.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: He not only loved her, but he used her.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: And God can use you too.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter what your past is.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I, for example, get on myself all the time because of how I screwed up with my kids in moments of anger or frustration or just fatigue, anxiety, whatever it is, like hangry.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like the first one to say I'm when I'm hungry or hungry, I'm angry.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: But God can use any of that.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: He can use all of us, even in the midst of our sin.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's so beautiful about him.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then Joanna, this wife of Chusa, who her husband was the manager of Herod's King Herod, the one who was prosecuting Jews, the one who beheaded John the Baptist, the one who eventually was a part of Jesus being arrested.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Her husband was his manager, and yet she was supporting Jesus.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you are wondering if Jesus can overcome whatever obstacle you have in your life to be used, just think of that for a second.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how did that even work?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: How did she, I mean, how did she not get caught?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: How was she not in trouble?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even wrap my brain around it, and yet the Lord made it so.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that I read this, and for me, like, I need to stop putting so much focus on my weaknesses and being so self-absorbed and so self-pitying and worrying about whether or not that I can be used.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because God uses all people and he uses all women and he loves us.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if we are abiding in him and if we are calling out to him and if we are spending time with him and loving him, he will use us.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter our past.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter that we're women, it doesn't matter that our children are grown, it doesn't matter what we're thinking or saying about ourselves, it doesn't matter our age, and it certainly doesn't matter what anybody else is saying about us.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it matters what God wants to do with us and what God says about us.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are unsure about what that is, and believe me, I often am too, you need to spend more time in the word and you need to spend more time alone in quiet with Jesus to hear from him.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, you need to spend time praising him and singing songs to him and worshiping him.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's I hope I don't sound like I'm on a high horse, like I'm wagging my finger at you and telling you what you need to do because that's not that at all.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just out of love, because by no means am I perfect.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: In every sense of the word, I have so much more that needs to be done and healed in me.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like God's got to do a good work in me.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have messy, messy parts of my life.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I know without a doubt, from this last year to year and a half, with as much hardship as I've had, as much feeling like I was rejected by other women, people who I thought were really good friends, as much stock as I've put into what other people say about me in the past, what has changed me is not a better friend or a new friend because I don't have that, you guys.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actively praying for that and it has not been answered.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what has changed me in my sense of what I'm called to do and who I am is not from another woman or not from somebody else telling me that I'm good enough or not from friendships that I'm longing for.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: What has changed me is spending time every morning with Jesus, reading his Bible every day, singing songs of praise to him, and just trusting him and choosing every time.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't get it right all the time because I still tellspin sometimes with my mind, but choosing, choosing as much as I remember and being diligent about choosing when my thoughts go where they shouldn't to stop them and go back to the Lord and ask him to take them and to transform me.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's changing me.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not any act that I did, it's not any self-discovery, it's not a particular book, it's not a new best friend, it's not someone loving on me or telling me how wonderful I am, it's not even a program that I've been accepted into.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's Jesus in time with him.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's his word and his truth.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that if I gained not one friend, if I gain not one positive word over my life, if I gain not one more connection, but connection with God and spending time with him and reading his word, it's enough.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's enough.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I pray that will be enough for you too, for anybody that's feeling a little lost or a little lonely or a little unsure, needing a little more courage.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I just pray that you'll feel that sense too.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because God is good and he loves you, and he loves me, and we are enough for him, and he wants to use us.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: We just have to be ready and willing to be used.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: So okay, I don't know what's been wrong with me these last two recordings.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: Last week, the same thing.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I was gonna be choked up last week.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know it this week.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I I hope that wasn't too deep.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I that's a lot, and that was really on my heart.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: And just I I don't know.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you think about it.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear from you.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know that I always end by saying that the email is Brooke with an E on the end at thestillwellmom.com.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: I welcome your feedback.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: I welcome your thoughts.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love to hear from you.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: I read every email that I get.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just have such a strong desire to, as you've probably heard, connect with you and connect with this community.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's why I'm building it because we need each other.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: So don't hesitate to reach out.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hesitate to give me your feedback.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to follow along, you can find me on Instagram and Facebook at thestillom.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can also go to the website at thestillwellmom.com where you'll find free resources.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: You'll find more about the podcast and the other things that I've got going on there, strong steady rooted foundations, just to name a few, um, the Stillwell Starter Guide, which is free.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember that you do not have to do midlife alone.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can always choose stewardship over striving.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you can be strong in body, steady in mind, and rooted in faith.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.