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Raising Teens Today: Recognizing Struggles and Building Connection · Bryan Health Podcasts

• 0:03
  Melanie Cole, MS (Host): Welcome to Bryan Health Podcast.
• 0:05
  I'm Melanie Cole.
• 0:06
  And today, we're delving into teen behaviors.
• 0:09
  Joining me is Andrea Ruiz.
• 0:11
  She's a mental health therapist at the Bryan Counseling Center.
• 0:14
  Andrea, thank you so much for joining us today.
• 0:17
  This is such a great topic , have you seen an increase in anxiety
• 0:22
  disorders among our tweens and teens in the last couple of years?
• 0:27
  Andrea Ruiz, MA: Thanks, Melanie.
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  Yeah, I would say there have been quite a few increases.
• 0:31
  I've been doing this for almost 18 years.
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  And the content of what we're worried about has shifted so much
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  with the onset of social media and online resources and activities.
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  COVID six years ago was definitely a game-changer.
• 0:46
  So, definitely more and definitely a more diverse set of issues than when I started.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: And I'd like to get into some of those red
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  flags and concerning behaviors.
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  Before we do, what kinds of issues have you been seeing?
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  Because I know you just mentioned social media and there's anxiety and
• 1:04
  stress disorders and eating disorders and, you know, there's so many ones
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  now today that weren't really as prevalent as you say many years ago.
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  What are you seeing?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: Yes, definitely the technology and social media
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  shift, even from when I was growing up, that's such a huge difference.
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  But I would say that probably anxiety at school has increased.
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  You know, many kids took a year or more off of school during COVID especially.
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  And I say, I think in the last several years, we've just seen
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  more truancy, more difficulty with making friends and connecting with
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  people at school, being involved in extracurriculars and grade decline.
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  lots of different issues that parents deal with, And I like to work with parents
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  on trying to find ways to address those without being overly critical And a
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  lot of that goes with doing things like that are kind of in that middle area.
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  finding that middle ground with your teens is very important
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  Melanie Cole, MS: Certainly true.
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  So, what are some typical and concerning teen behaviors that
• 2:13
  we should be looking out for?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: Well, I'll just kind of run down some of the typical
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  things we see and I have kids come in with their parents for.
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  And often I'm having to differentiate, is this normal or i is this something
• 2:26
  we need to pay attention to?
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  So yeah, I'd like to go over some of the typical things.
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  And I'll go into detail on a few of them, but increased moodiness is normal, greater
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  self-consciousness, procrastination, distractibility, parenting conflict,
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  experimentation with drugs or alcohol, invincibility and risk-taking behaviors,
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  kids being more opinionated and argumentative, the dating and sexuality
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  issues that come up, increased need for privacy, messiness, sleep issues.
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  Most of these really can test parents' patience.
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  but they're often a sign that teens are developing independence,
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  identity, and decision-making skills.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: Wow, that was quite a list.
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  So, what are some ways to increase positive behaviors and decrease
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  some of the negative behaviors?
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  What are we looking to do here?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: Sure.
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  I think the first thing is awareness, right?
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  Paying attention to those issues with moodiness, things that are more
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  persistent, severe, or interfering with daily life need more attention than the
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  typical blow up and recovery real quick.
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  Often that's more normal to have adolescents just get very emotional, and
• 3:38
  then they can kind of go back to baseline.
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  If it's persistent and they can't go back to baseline, they might need extra help.
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  Moving on to, let's see, parent-teen conflict, for example.
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  That's really hard to communicate through, right?
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  But teenagers are always striving for independence and because of
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  this, disagreements increase often.
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  Questioning rules, wanting more autonomy.
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  These are healthy developmental milestones.
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  But when it escalates into maybe verbal abuse, physical aggression, destruction
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  of property, or running away, this is when more intervention is needed.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: So, you mentioned communication before, and I think that
• 4:15
  one of the most important thing parents can do is recognize that and learn
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  how to communicate with their teens.
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  So, tell us how that plays a role in interactions.
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  But importantly, how do we start those conversations with our teen?
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  How do we keep those lines of communication open?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: Yeah, it is absolutely one of the strongest predictors of a
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  healthy parent-child-teen relationship.
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  I would say one of the most important skills in good
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  communication is actually validation.
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  And, you know, validation, does not mean agreeing with your teen.
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  It means acknowledging that their emotions make sense from their perspective.
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  So, for example, instead of saying, "You're overreacting,"
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  which is dismissive, you know, judgy, maybe say, "I can see this
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  feels really important to you."
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  So, when you validate, they're more apt to be willing to problem solve.
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  Parents can also improve communication by doing things like listening before
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  they give advice, asking open-ended questions, staying curious rather
• 5:19
  than making assumptions, avoiding lectures, choosing calm moments
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  for those difficult conversations, and really avoiding extremes.
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  So, we don't want to be overly strict or overly permissive.
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  We want to find that balance in between.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: Yeah, that balance is really so important.
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  So, what kind of resources are available if we sense our teen is struggling?
• 5:42
  Andrea Ruiz, MA: I always recommend that you start with your pediatrician.
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  Oftentimes this person has been involved with the family for a long, long time.
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  They know the history of the people.
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  And they can also determine whether these emotional or behavioral changes
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  are typical or might need to be referred to a therapist or a psychiatrist.
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  School resources are great.
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  They have counselors, psychologists, social workers.
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  Even teachers, they can provide support if there are school issues coming up.
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  Then, of course, mental health professionals like licensed counselors,
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  psychologists, marriage and family therapists, and psychiatrists.
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  And then, that family therapy that I just mentioned, that's really
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  helpful in improving communication.
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  Often, like, they're a first line for that.
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  There are also skills groups like dialectical behavior
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  therapy skills groups.
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  These are very focused on learning skills to manage your emotions
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  and handle distressing situations.
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  And then, we have resources, here at Bryan.
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  We also have online supports like NAMI, which is the National
• 6:44
  Alliance for Mental Illness.
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  They have a lot of good resources for parents in figuring out how
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  to communicate, set boundaries, expectations and consequences.
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  And then, I always point to the National Mental Health Hotline, which is 988.
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  So if you're in a crisis, that is often a first response place.
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  They have licensed people who can talk through the crisis situation and
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  access resources if they're necessary.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: Well, thank you for really going over all of those resources.
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  And tell us a little bit about some of the therapies that you
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  use, that you've found that work.
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  And when you're working with teens, Andrea, what do you do?
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  Because parents want to start that discussion and say to their teens,
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  "I recognize that you're struggling."
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  Help us to start that discussion.
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  What do you say?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: I often try to get them on the same page, try to find
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  more of the commonalities and the positives, things that are working
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  well so that we can build from them.
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  That really reflects that walking the middle path idea But truly, you know,
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  I've been doing this for so long, I have several different approaches, that
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  I kind of use as an eclectic approach.
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  So, cognitive behavior therapy, for example, is great to help people
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  learn how to change their thinking and maybe then changing how they
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  feel about a certain situation and giving them space to make a better
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  choice on how they're going to react.
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  Like I said, the dialectical behavior therapy.
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  But just even finding that, like I said, common ground, finding things they're
• 8:21
  interested in together so they can start building or rebuilding connection.
• 8:26
  Melanie Cole, MS: Do you have any other advice for our listeners as we wrap up?
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  Andrea Ruiz, MA: I would like parents to remember that adolescence is temporary.
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  It can be easy to feel discouraged during these teenage years, especially
• 8:38
  when that relationship changes.
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  Try to remember that adolescence is a stage of development,
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  not a permanent personality.
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  That teen who rolls their eyes today might still be willing to listen to everything
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  you say, even if they're not showing it.
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  Make sure you're focusing on the relationship and not just the behavior.
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  While it's absolutely important to address inappropriate behavior,
• 9:00
  don't lose sight of the relationship.
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  Research actually shows that teenagers are more likely to accept guidance from
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  adults they trust and feel connected to.
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  So, that's a good thing to have.
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  If you feel like you need more help, you can contact us here
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  at the Bryan Counseling Center.
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  We have a lot of resources on our website, including an online screening tool that
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  can help parents kind of assess where their kiddos are at, and then get the
• 9:31
  proper referrals going for therapists or maybe higher levels of care if necessary.
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  We also have the emergency resources here at our mental health emergency
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  department and our inpatient units.
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  Melanie Cole, MS: Thank you so much, Andrea, for joining us today.
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  And I'd like to thank our Bryan Foundation partner, Holmes Murphy.
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  To listen to more podcasts from our experts, please visit
• 9:55
  bryanhealth.org/podcasts.
• 9:57
  And that concludes this episode of Bryan Health Podcast.
• 10:00
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