Latest / Libido Lounge / Can Kink Improve Your Relationship? | Real Talk with Amanda Dames

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Can Kink Improve Your Relationship? | Real Talk with Amanda Dames · Libido Lounge

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Dirty talk, playing with toys, any type of tying up.
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All of that falls under the umbrella of kink.
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Fetish is a major level up from that.
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A fetish is something where people need a certain thing in order to achieve orgasm.
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So that might be kink is a nice to have, fetish is a must have, and neither are better than the
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other.
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There's just that fundamental difference between them.
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About ninety percent of people are kinky according to the standard definition of it, of
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liking anything outside of missionary penis and vagina sex.
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I think most people enjoy a little bit of dirty talk.
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They'll enjoy role play from time to time.
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If could open everybody's bedside drawer, what would you find in there?
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Everybody, for the most part, loves sex.
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Not everybody loves talking about sex.
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We have been taught not to talk about it, to keep it secret, to not stand out too much.
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Both men and women have been taught this.
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So it's a difficult conversation to have, but one that's well worth having once you get the
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ball rolling.
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The worst thing for me, I think, is knowing that a relationship suffers because they try to
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explore something when a simple conversation beforehand may have alleviated a lot of the
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stress that comes afterwards.
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So the place I always say to start is number one.
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Hey everybody, quick break in our episode to talk to you about our sponsor, My Libido Doc.
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Now back to our show.
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Hi, everybody.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of the Libido Lounge.
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I'm your host, board certified sexologist, doctor Diane Mueller, and we are talking to a
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kink expert today.
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This is such an important topic we're talking about today because as I've talked about so
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many times on this show, so much of passion and desire really goes away when we start getting
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into these sexual scripts, when we lose the novelty, when we lose the excitement, when we
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lose the fantasy, and we just kinda do the same thing over and over again, and what happens to
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many people is they get a little bored.
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So I'm so excited to introduce you to Amanda Dames, kink expert, and we're gonna talk about
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that around kink, around fantasy, around novelty, and around how to get a lot of your
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passion back today.
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Welcome.
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Thank you for being with me today, Amanda.
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Thank you so much for having me on.
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It's really an honor.
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It really is an honor to have you, and and let's jump right in because I think there's a
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lot of misunderstanding in people between the concepts of kink and fetishes, and there's a
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lot of, like, myths, I think, around these type of concepts, and people get it sometimes, like,
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nervous or scared to to introduce these things.
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So let's just start the stage set the stage to make sure we're all having the same
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conversation here.
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What is the difference?
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Like, how do we truly define kink and what kink is, and how does that differentiate between
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that and a fetish?
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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So I always joke, I'm the kink consultant, but please don't ask me to define kink because it's
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so broad.
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Right?
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And essentially the dictionary would define it as anything that is not considered a normal
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vanilla relationship, which sadly just boils down to like missionary sex.
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Anything beyond that is considered kinky.
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Definitely dirty talk, playing with toys, any type of tying up.
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All of that falls under the umbrella of kink.
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So it's very broad and a you know, I think my point is a lot of people exist within the range
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of kink, you know, if they're trying anything a little bit different.
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Now, a fetish is a major level up from that whereas a kink is a nice to have.
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It's a nice fun way to add spice to your relationship.
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A fetish is something where people need a certain thing in order to achieve orgasm.
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So that might be someone might have a foot fetish and they need to be thinking about feet
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or holding feet in order to orgasm.
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I myself have a spanking fetish or a disciplined fetish.
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I need to be thinking about that or have that element within my sex life to orgasm.
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And so that's the range we're talking about.
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Kink is a nice to have, fetish is a must have, and neither are better than the other.
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There's just that fundamental difference between them.
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And often the words are interchangeable, which the reason I think it's super important to
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define it is so people understand you can be kinky without being extreme.
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You know?
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It's a real gateway to spice and adding a little bit of fun in the bedroom.
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Yeah.
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I appreciate that definition so much because I do think there's an element of like almost fear
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or trepidation in some people around starting to experiment with this, but what does this
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actually mean, and what does this mean about me if I try this stuff?
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And I think that differed just understanding, even down to, hey, this is just we're wanting
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to do something other than missionary sex, and it doesn't have to be an obsession, it could
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be, and there's nothing wrong with it either way, but the most important thing is
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understanding this stuff so that you can build a healthier sexual relationship with yourself
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and your partner, essentially, right?
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You put it perfectly,
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yes, exactly.
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Beautiful.
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Beautiful.
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So then, let's talk about this, like, why, so if somebody's hearing this, and I'm like, okay,
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beyond missionary, novelty, passionate, I'm interested, let's talk a little bit more about
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why why is this conversation important?
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Like, what from a value perspective can engaging with kink bring to a relationship?
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So I think engaging in kink can bring a deeper level of communication where it's not just
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about sex and what feels good, it's about what turns you on, sort of the emotion and intrigue
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behind just the physical act of sex.
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So for some people, it might be like, I like to give up control.
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I like to take control.
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I like to plan out a scene.
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I like to role play as a school girl, as a secretary, as a doctor, you know?
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It brings us to a point where we're moving beyond just the, again, physical side of sex of
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like, oh, I like it when you touch here.
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I like it when you do this.
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It goes that level deeper to I like it when you make me feel a certain way or I like getting to
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feel a certain way during sex bedroom.
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You know?
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And honestly, this can just be a fun way to ante up the foreplay.
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It doesn't even have to be about the sex.
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It can just be about the before where you are learning how to turn someone on.
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And as they'd say, your brain is your biggest sexual organ.
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Right?
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And this is how you play with that a little bit.
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Yeah.
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I think when you're talking, like, one of the things that comes up for me is, like, very
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psychological.
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It, like, takes me to, like, Carl Jung and, like, his concepts on, like, archetypes.
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Right?
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And his work, and people have gone so many different ways since he introduced this concept
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with what that actually means, and I look at some of that work as like, hey, we all have all
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of these different forces inside us, right?
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And he would use the word archetypes, but these forces are like, okay, well, I like to feel
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this way and this is part of me.
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Sometimes I like to feel this way and this is part of me.
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I was talking to my girlfriends at a party this weekend about the idea of the range of life, of
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all the different parts of ourselves that we get to actually have with a large range as
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humans around what we're interested in, around what we're good at, around what turns us on,
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what makes us feel certain ways, and I look at this in many ways as, like, kink is one way
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that it's like a very, you know, it's a safe way that we can actually start to explore the
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range of different feelings that we get to experience in life.
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Right?
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Totally.
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I mean and even when you mention that, I also think it's just so unfair that I feel like so
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often everyone has this range, but we're bucketed.
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We're sort of like put in the bucket of what our most forward personality is.
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You know what I mean?
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And sometimes that stops us from being able to, like, explore different interests because we
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even put ourselves in this mindset of that's not me or I don't do that thing.
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But it's just that you haven't discovered that you do that thing yet, or that you enjoy that
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thing yet.
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And I
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think yet's a key, you know, yet is a keyword, because it's like always, you know,
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linguistically always predisposes us like, okay, well, we say yet, it predisposes that
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that might change someday.
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And I see this, right, like, even in research on anal sex.
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Right?
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Anal sex, the number of of couples that actually start to be interested in anal sex,
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you see the spike go up in the forties.
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And so it's, like, so interesting.
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Right?
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That, like, oh, like, there's many like, what that tells me is even in something like that,
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there's, like, all this time pre life or not pre life.
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That's not what I meant to say at all.
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Pre forties, there's much life before forties, there's all this time though in couples pre
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forties where it's like, well, I'm not interested, and I'm not interested, and I'm not
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interested, and then all of a sudden, all of a sudden we see in research that then couples
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will decide that they are.
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So I think it's a key point you're saying here around, hey, just being open to various things
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because just because that's not on the table right now, our desires change, our wants
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change, our needs change, our preferences change, right?
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They really do but also I think it's our comfort levels and our ability to be vulnerable
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changes because, you know, in your twenties and thirties, you're still quite self conscious
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about how you look, how you feel, how you might smell.
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Like, these types of things that I believe couples together for longer periods of time,
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that subsides.
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But also just as you become more confident, you realize that's life.
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All of these things are normal.
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You know what I mean?
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And it allows you to branch out just that little bit more.
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So that, I don't know if
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you know this, but I'm gonna throw a curveball question for you, and it's totally okay if you
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don't know this, but I think it'd be a helpful thing.
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Because I'm curious around this concept of normal.
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Right?
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Because I think when it comes to to trying things, that's often what happens in the human
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brain, around, like, oh, this is, like, this is so weird.
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This is not normal.
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What's happening?
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So from the terminology of normal, and for those of you that are not watching this, I'm
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doing air quotes as I say normal.
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But from that standpoint, do you have any sense, like, statistically, how many people are
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interested in kink?
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Do you have you ever looked that up?
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Okay.
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So there are no actual numbers on it.
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And part of that is because the definition is so broad of what kink is.
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But if in my professional experience of talking to people who swear to me that they are totally
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vanilla, and they are and vanilla people who would be considered vanilla hate to be called
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vanilla because there's even a negative connotation to with that, I would say, I'm a
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firm believer about 90% of people are kinky according to the standard definition of it, of
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liking anything outside of missionary penis and vagina sex.
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I mean, we could get into not penis and vagina sex too, but I think most people enjoy a little
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bit of dirty talk.
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They'll enjoy role play from time to time.
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So the question becomes is, even trying kink and enjoying one kinky thing, does that make
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you kinky?
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I think it does.
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So I would say non kinksters are actually in the minority.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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I think that's what I was looking to do, is almost like normalize this conversation around
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like, this is actually just part of the human psyche in many ways, to be interested in trying
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things and exploring things and experiencing pleasure in different ways.
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And I think the more we can get, like, the taboo out of, like, this is weird and just, you
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know, like you said, like, this is probably, like, way more on the normal side than anything
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else.
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I think it helps people break down any sort of stigma maybe that's, like, preventing them from
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from exploring this.
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Yes.
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And I think there's a ton of stigma.
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Like, I could get on my soapbox all day about this.
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I think the media creates a lot of the stigma by creating this image of people who are into
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kink as people dressed in all black, tattoos everywhere.
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And that's totally fine.
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Like, that's a wonderful expression of self, but I don't think people realize, you know, if
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you could open everybody's bedside drawer, what would you find in there?
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You know?
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Like, everyone likes to think, oh, that's something other people do, but, like, the sales
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of vibrators, handcuffs, cuffs alone tell us that that is not actually the truth.
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Right.
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It's just something that we have not gotten accustomed to talking about it.
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So because it's not in common language to talk about this stuff, everybody thinks like, oh,
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this is something that I have to hide in private because this is the weird thing that I
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do when they're probably at a party and most people at the party do the same thing.
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Or most people have done some dirty talk.
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They have tied someone up.
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They have been tied up.
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It is so much more common than people realize, and it is, like you're saying, because no one
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talks about it.
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Right.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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And so then, let's talk about that.
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Like, so how do we begin?
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If we're interested, if somebody is interested in exploring more of this, right, how do they
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begin to talk to their partner about it?
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Where do we start?
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So the place I always say to start is, number one, do your own research.
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Find out what you're interested in trying.
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Okay?
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And for a lot of people, I think they kind of know already things that they might be
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interested in because it's piqued their curiosity at some point in their life and they
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just haven't been ready to explore.
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So what I always say is like once you have a grasp on that with your partner, lead with
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curiosity.
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Ask your partner what are you interested in trying or exploring and then listen.
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Find out what they wanna try.
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That might inspire ideas for you.
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Then it's also the perfect segue for you to introduce the things you wanna try as well.
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Right?
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So create a two way conversation from the beginning by leading with curiosity.
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Then from that point, I think that you could begin to share ideas together and say, like,
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well, what if we tried this?
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What if this is something we tried?
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And I actually this is such a common question that I get that I created a free resource for
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people to be able to guide themselves through this as a couple, and it's called Speaking Your
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Desires with Confidence.
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You can download that on my site.
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And the reason I created that is because it's one of the most common questions I get and I do
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mean every day.
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People will message me, they'll DM me and say like, how do I introduce this to my partner?
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How do I tell them what I'm interested in?
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And I think it's funny because everybody, for the most part, loves sex.
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Not everybody loves talking about sex.
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Just a quick break to let you know that eighty percent of women do not have orgasms from
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vaginal intercourse alone.
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So many people are not having the type of sex that is healing, that brings them closer, that
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brings them more connected, that is full of so much pleasure and passion that it can build
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bones, reduce stress, help serotonin, bring happiness, lower anxiety, improve sleep, and
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build a better connection with your partner.
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That is what hot and modern monogamy is, is modern monogamy that brings in all of that path
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It can
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be quite a vulnerable conversation that is understandable.
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Like, we have been taught not to talk about it, to keep it secret, to not stand out too much.
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Both men and women have been taught this.
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So it's a difficult conversation to have, but one that's well worth having once you get the
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ball rolling.
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And we'll have everybody we're we'll make sure to have a link of that in the show notes from
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Amanda today as well, that free resource to support you.
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So my curiosity with that then is, do you also recommend, like if somebody is saying, okay,
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well I'm gonna be curious, I'm gonna ask my partner questions, I really wanna do this, I'm
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gonna listen intently, really hear what they're saying, but do you ever have people have
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strategies that are, like, teaching them from more of the receptive side around how to
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respond.
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Right?
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Because I think some fear that people can have sometimes is like, okay, well, okay, if
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somebody's asking me, right, something, and they're being curious, There might be a fear,
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and I've worked this is not my situation since I'm in this world and worked through this, but
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I could, and in the past I would have had a fear of, well, am I gonna be judged by that
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person if I actually tell them the truth back?
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So do you have any sort of process where you're actually training people how to respond in a
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way where it's like, well, if I hear my partner say something they're interested in and I'm not
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interested in, and that's really shocking to me, which I don't find that that's what has
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happened most of the time, but having a process for that I think sometimes alleviates the
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fears.
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Do have anything you guide people in that conversation anyway?
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That is super common, right?
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But the reason that people will put up resistance to specific kinks or things is so
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personal that that is when I do recommend people hire a coach because it's the nuance of
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it.
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I think one of my favorite examples to give is cuckolding.
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Like, a lot of men have the fantasy of seeing their wives have sex with somebody else.
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Right?
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And the wives, for multiple reasons, might be against that.
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Right?
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That is when you need that one on one interaction with a coach, and I truly believe
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that's important is because societally, we've been raised women have been definitely raised
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to think just one man.
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Do you know what I mean?
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That's that your virtue in in finding one man to have sex with, anything else is slutty,
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anything else is wrong.
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Not only that, your man should want to hold you to themselves and only wanna be with you.
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So like, cuckolding is my favorite example for this because it's like there are so many
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different things that could be coming up for someone that they don't even understand how to
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unravel as to why they might have a resistance towards this kink.
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And that is why I recommend that's the point you hire a coach is if someone has that
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resistance because it is a lot to ask someone to accept someone else's kink and dive into
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themselves and understand why they're resistant to it.
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And I would not want to just put out a freebie worksheet on like, go through these steps
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because it is so nuanced.
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But like, if someone didn't was really dedicated to figuring out on their own, I would
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say one of the things to do is understand where the resistance is coming up and ask yourself
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why is it coming up at this stage?
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What do I believe to be true that makes this quote unquote wrong or dirty or something that
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grosses me out?
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Right?
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And you start to peel back the layers there, and it could be any number of those things.
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It could be that I don't wanna be with someone who wants to see me have sex with someone else.
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I want a quote, unquote manly man to protect me, you know, who doesn't, who is jealous.
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And these different types of things are coming up and you need to ask, well, why do I believe
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that?
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Is it truly important to me or has society just told me it is?
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You know?
18:47
Yeah.
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Really great point though.
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But there that is where the real nuance comes in.
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So then what about this?
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Because now so my next question is because sometimes I find that some kinks, some
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fantasies are really, like like, great for the couple, like, to explore.
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Like, sometimes people are like, yeah.
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Like, a kinker fantasy comes up, they explore it, and it's awesome.
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And other times, I find that some of these things are just, like, more fun and, like,
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people are there might be that fantasy, but actually in reality, they might not actually
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truly want it.
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Right?
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And it's like and it could be that, you know, cuckolding could be a great example of that
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around, okay.
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Like, this is fun to fantasize about, and maybe we can even role play this, but the idea of
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actually doing it in real life might not actually have that same impact as leaving that
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in the fantasy.
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So I'm wondering, like, how much you see that come up in your work and how you help couples
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kind of differentiate or, like, oh, yeah.
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This is a cool thing.
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Like, let's bring this in versus, like, let's keep this role play in fantasy and dreamland
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and not actually do it in reality.
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That's a really great question.
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And it's also one that comes up quite often.
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More often than not, this is the advice I give, especially when someone even just says they
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wanna have a threesome.
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Right?
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So this is something if I'm working with clients, I'll sit down with both of them at the
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same time and make them talk through it, but this is what I recommend.
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I want you and your partner to sit down and talk about how you're going to meet the person
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you wanna do whatever it is with.
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Are you going to talk to them individually or do you both need to talk to them at the same
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time?
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Where is this act going to take place?
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I literally make people break it down and I ask these questions one on one, but these are
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questions you can that are easy to ask each other.
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It's basically like, paint the picture beginning to end.
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Tell me how each step goes, how you meet them, what you're talking about, what's off limits,
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what's what's okay.
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And through that process, you know, in real time, it's really interesting to see because
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one person's answering and the other person's shocked.
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Like, first of all, I never thought about this.
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Second of all, this is definitely not how I imagine it going.
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Inspire the conversation so people are forced to not leave anything up to surprise.
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So I see it quite often, and that's what I try and prepare people for.
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But, yes, there are times afterwards where I will have couples come to me and they'll say,
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we had this experience.
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It didn't go well because of x y z.
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And truly, had they just had that long form conversation in advance, I think it would have
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alleviated a lot of it.
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So my recommendation is to go step by step, like paint the entire picture.
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And my favorite thing to say is, if I say the word house to you, I say imagine house, you
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could think of a mansion, a little shack, you could think of Doctor House, Andy, the TV show.
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The range of what a house is is so large.
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Why would sex, a threesome, or cuckolding be any different?
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So you should really, like, paint the picture before you get into it.
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Yeah.
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I The worst thing for me, I think, is knowing that a relationship suffers because they tried
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to explore something when a simple conversation beforehand may have alleviated a lot of the
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stress that comes afterwards.
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Yeah.
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I've seen that down to, like, know, even levels where I'm like, okay, like, threesome ends, how
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do we care for each other after?
22:01
Like, what's happening?
22:02
Like, what's happening in the goodbye?
22:04
It's, like, that whole thing, and I do think sometimes that it that can make some people
22:09
like, oh, wow.
22:10
Like, I hadn't thought about these details, and it's like seems like you said, it seems like
22:13
hot if, like, everybody's picturing, like, the sexy mansion, but, you know, sometimes it's
22:18
like when you paint those details out, it also can add that clarity for either one, this how
22:23
we do and take care of each other, or two, maybe this is actually better for fantasy
22:28
because now that I'm thinking out steps, you know, one through a 100, it doesn't actually
22:33
sound as hot as I thought it did.
22:35
Exactly.
22:36
Because it's sort of like, I will go as deep as as saying, okay, are you gonna go down on the
22:41
person?
22:41
You know, I'll say it and it's sort of like that question alone can really stop people and
22:45
I'm like, okay, and while this person's going down on you, what's your husband Do you know
22:51
what to need?
22:51
Exactly.
22:52
Those tens of questions really make people think and then that puts them in the mindset
22:56
of, wait, do I really want this?
22:58
Yeah.
22:59
Is the question you wanna be asking before you get into it because being in the room and
23:03
asking do I really want this isn't the best case scenario.
23:06
No.
23:07
That's often where things go very very wrong and can create some,
23:11
you know, sometimes trauma that has to be worked through.
23:14
And that's why I really push for people to talk through every step of the way because it is sad
23:20
when people are in my office because of that, you know?
23:23
And it's like, I'm feeling really hurt, and you just wanna jump in and save them or, like, turn
23:28
back time, and one of the ways to do that is to have the conversation in advance.
23:32
Yeah.
23:32
I love it, and such good advice.
23:34
What about just general misconceptions?
23:37
Are there any general misconceptions on kink that you wanna throw out here that we make sure
23:41
we kinda rectify?
23:43
Oh, yes.
23:44
Okay.
23:45
Number one, kink does not come from trauma, or at least all kink does not come from trauma.
23:50
People love to jump on that and say like, oh, everyone who's into kink has just been
23:54
traumatized.
23:55
I myself have Okay.
23:57
Everyone has some trauma in life.
23:59
We don't go through life without it.
24:00
Right?
24:01
But I have I can say with certainty, my enjoyment of kink and fetish has nothing to do
24:06
with my childhood, nothing that happened to me as a child.
24:09
It is something that I truly was born with.
24:12
Right?
24:13
And that happens for so many people.
24:14
They understand they will enjoy a physical sensation and it is completely divorced from
24:18
anything that happened in their past.
24:21
But, of course, some kink does come from trauma.
24:23
A lot of people work through their trauma by introducing kink and being able to take hold of
24:29
it and owning it, you know, and being in control of a situation that may have occurred
24:34
for them.
24:34
So some does come from trauma, some doesn't, and it's impossible to say.
24:38
So that's like my number one myth that I love to clear out.
24:41
The second one is that all kink is just whips and chains.
24:45
Yeah.
24:45
So much of it is not that I don't even know where to begin with that.
24:49
A lot of it is power play.
24:50
It's it's that certain role play or even just saying good girl.
24:56
Like, a guy telling while having sex saying good girl, that's a form of kink.
25:01
It's praise kink.
25:02
You know?
25:03
The range is huge, and it doesn't need to look any type of way.
25:07
Right?
25:08
It is highly customizable.
25:09
What is kinky to you might be normal to me, vice versa, or it might be kinky to everyone,
25:14
like, really kinky.
25:15
And to you, it might just be, like, a nice thing to do from time to time.
25:18
You know?
25:19
So there's no one way it can look.
25:20
And then I would say this one drives me the most nuts, this myth.
25:25
It's that people say, oh, people who are into kink are just better communicators.
25:30
And that's just not true.
25:32
Right?
25:33
I know plenty of non kinksters in relationships.
25:37
They've been married for thirty plus years.
25:38
They are the best communicators I know.
25:40
It has nothing to do with kink or not.
25:42
I don't care how deep you go into kink.
25:44
Some people are just strong communicators and others are not.
25:47
But yes, if you are doing kink right, you are going to be forced to train the muscles of like
25:51
how do you have a deep conversation but it doesn't naturally make you a better
25:55
communicator.
25:56
So those are my like big myths that I like love to get out of the way.
26:00
And from there, people do like to ask questions and I'm always like happy to answer.
26:05
But those three myths I think are important to get straight.
26:08
Yeah.
26:08
I love those myths.
26:09
I think that's really important, especially I think the the one that I feel like I hear the
26:14
most common is the whips and chains one around like, hey, this is there's so much more to this
26:18
world, and if you're not into whips and chains, like, there's so much that does not eliminate
26:23
by any means the idea of exploring kink.
26:26
A 100%.
26:27
And that's like absolutely true.
26:29
In fact, Wips and Chains is probably like 2% of the market of Right.
26:33
You know what I mean?
26:34
Right.
26:36
Yeah, it's I don't know, it's probably the media that's really got that into people's
26:39
consciousness, and that's so much I think of how sex is portrayed in people's images of,
26:44
it's just these random things that would get sprinkled in the media, and now there's this
26:47
belief.
26:48
Yeah.
26:49
And not even just kink, I think sex in general.
26:51
I mean and you have to remember that when it is portrayed in the media, it's always gonna look
26:55
the same way.
26:56
Like, after a sex scene, the woman is gonna have the sheet up to here, the guy is gonna
26:59
have the sheet down here and like, that's not reality either.
27:02
Right.
27:03
Those things out, so we're like, this is how unlike reality it is on TV and movies.
27:10
Exactly.
27:11
Exactly.
27:11
Well, this
27:12
has been such a great conversation.
27:13
Is there anything you wanna leave us with?
27:16
And before I actually let you answer that, just to remind everybody, you can get part two with
27:20
Amanda by going down into the show notes and clicking on the link, is
27:24
modernmonogamyclub.com.
27:26
We're gonna talk in there in part two on steps to introduce kink into relationships, what
27:32
happens if something doesn't go right, how to rectify that, and so much more.
27:36
And so I wanna make sure that you guys get the the free guide that Amanda offered for us.
27:42
We'll put that in the show notes too on speaking your desires with confidence if that
27:48
is interesting to you.
27:50
And tell us a little bit more about anything you wanna wrap up with as well as how people
27:53
get ahold of you.
27:54
Sure.
27:55
So you can book a consult with me on amandadames.com, and the final thing that I
28:00
like to leave everyone with is do not stay in a relationship that you don't feel comfortable
28:06
opening up about who you are and what you're interested in.
28:09
Right?
28:10
Because you will spend your entire life hiding a part of you that might just be the most
28:16
authentic version of yourself.
28:18
And I worked as a professional dominatrix.
28:20
I worked with people in the forties, fifties, and sixties, and I talked to them about what
28:24
their regrets were around not sharing this early on.
28:27
And that is basically what I built my business on, is helping people to explore these
28:31
conversations and doing it earlier in life so they're not hiding a part of themselves.
28:35
And such good advice and great thing to end on.
28:38
So thank you so much for being here.
28:40
Thank you everybody for tuning in to another episode of the lounge.
28:43
I'll see you all soon.
28:44
Ciao for now.
28:49
Thank you for listening to the Libido lounge.
28:51
Please don't keep me a secret.
28:53
Please share this with your friends.
28:55
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.