Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / Trump Renames Lake Ontario 'Lake America' (Yosemite Didn't Survive Either) | Breaking Absurdity Ep 33

Transcript

Trump Renames Lake Ontario 'Lake America' (Yosemite Didn't Survive Either) | Breaking Absurdity Ep 33 · Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.

• 0:00
  Trump says the Kennedy Center should be demolished
• 0:02
  because of deteriorating facilities and deferred
• 0:04
  maintenance. But Trump stated there is one way
• 0:06
  to save it. Just put Trump's name back on it.
• 0:09
  Because putting Trump's letters on a building
• 0:11
  is a well -known construction hack. For bankruptcy,
• 0:14
  that is. In other renaming news, Trump has apparently
• 0:17
  renamed Lake Ontario Lake America and now has
• 0:20
  his eyes on renaming the Atlantic or Pacific
• 0:22
  Oceans. In a retaliatory move, Canada has proposed
• 0:26
  renaming America Lower Canada. Trump has also
• 0:29
  apparently decided that other landmarks need
• 0:31
  some rebranding. He referred to Yosemite National
• 0:34
  Park as Yosemite. At this point, I'm beginning
• 0:37
  to think that Trump is just renaming America
• 0:40
  one syllable at a time. And apparently, Trump's
• 0:43
  renaming campaign has made even the NFL nervous.
• 0:46
  During a live broadcast, legendary announcer
• 0:48
  Al Michaels showed viewers Lake Erie and said
• 0:50
  he wasn't entirely sure it was still called Lake
• 0:53
  Erie. Republicans immediately demanded an apology.
• 0:56
  Apparently the other Great Lakes are getting
• 0:58
  worried about being renamed too. In other news,
• 1:01
  Trump nearly fell while walking up the stairs
• 1:03
  outside Air Force One. And for one terrifying
• 1:05
  moment, the world wondered if gravity had finally
• 1:08
  won. But Trump recovered. Donald Trump has also
• 1:11
  posted an AI -generated image of himself and
• 1:14
  Dolly Parton arm -in -arm in the colonnade of
• 1:16
  the White House, which is particularly interesting
• 1:18
  because Dolly Parton declined all of Trump's
• 1:21
  White House invitations. Users were quick to
• 1:23
  suggest some more probable pairings, including
• 1:25
  one involving Jeffrey Epstein. Apparently AI
• 1:28
  has a really good sense of humor. Trump has also
• 1:32
  made provocative claims about Abdul El -Sayed
• 1:34
  attempting to tie him to Islamic terrorists.
• 1:37
  Abdul responded by going viral for roasting the
• 1:39
  way Trump pronounces his first name. Abdul. He
• 1:44
  then predicted that Natalie Harp would show Trump
• 1:46
  the clip, and that Trump would be very upset.
• 1:49
  But Abdul is wrong on that one. Natalie Harp
• 1:51
  only shows Trump positive stories. There is absolutely
• 1:55
  no chance that the human printer is showing Trump
• 1:57
  this one. It's time for Breaking Absurdity. Everything
• 2:02
  you didn't know you needed to know today, but
• 2:05
  wish you hadn't. Ads help keep the lights on
• 2:07
  here at It's Not Satire. But if ads give you
• 2:09
  the ick, let me help you with that. If you want
• 2:12
  all the absurdity without the ads, subscribe
• 2:13
  to my sub stack and look for the ad -free podcast
• 2:16
  option. The link is in the show notes. Now let's
• 2:19
  get into the absurdity. Leading off today, Trump's
• 2:22
  Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick went before
• 2:25
  a judge and argued that there is apparently one
• 2:27
  thing standing between the Kennedy Center and
• 2:29
  demolition. Donald Trump's name. Lutnick was
• 2:32
  questioned by reporters outside the courthouse
• 2:34
  about Trump's demand that his name be restored
• 2:36
  to the building. If the board wants to give the
• 2:39
  president credit for the renovation and put his
• 2:42
  name on the building, why not do that in two
• 2:44
  years after the renovation is done? Isn't that
• 2:47
  usually how it works? Actually, it's not usually
• 2:50
  how it works. The idea, when you have the greatest
• 2:54
  philanthropist, the guy who's going to raise
• 2:56
  you $500 million, you just need him to agree.
• 3:01
  And whatever the terms are, since you know he
• 3:02
  is the most credible person in the world, when
• 3:05
  he says I'm going to raise the money, you know
• 3:07
  he's going to raise the money, you need to induce
• 3:10
  him, entice him, get him to agree to wear it
• 3:14
  and do it. Lutnick's argument is that we somehow
• 3:17
  need to induce the president into raising the
• 3:19
  money to save the Kennedy Center. Which is an
• 3:22
  interesting fundraising strategy. Apparently
• 3:24
  Trump is trying to convince us that the one thing
• 3:26
  that can keep the Kennedy Center from demolition
• 3:28
  is his name being permanently affixed to the
• 3:30
  facade, but Trump must have a very short memory
• 3:33
  because he already tried that. And it didn't
• 3:35
  work. Let's look at the recent course of events,
• 3:38
  shall we? Because Trump's name was already on
• 3:40
  the building, the Trump administration had it
• 3:42
  added to the building after taking control of
• 3:44
  the Kennedy Center, a court subsequently ordered
• 3:47
  the name removed, and a tarp has been placed
• 3:49
  over the Trump lettering so we can't see that
• 3:51
  his name has been removed, by the way. So now
• 3:53
  we have a situation where Trump's argument appears
• 3:56
  to be the Kennedy Center's falling apart, the
• 3:58
  solution is to put his name back on it, and if
• 4:00
  that sounds like a strange claim, consider what
• 4:02
  happened to the Kennedy Center after Trump took
• 4:04
  over. Before Trump's intervention, it was a functioning
• 4:07
  performing arts institution. It hosted the National
• 4:10
  Symphony Orchestra, touring productions, and
• 4:12
  a huge range of artists and community performances.
• 4:15
  Then Trump took over the board, removed its leadership,
• 4:17
  and installed himself as the chairman. And performers
• 4:20
  began cancelling. One by one, artists and productions
• 4:23
  pulled out because they didn't want to be associated
• 4:25
  with the new Kennedy Center. And at one point,
• 4:27
  even a military band backed out. So after Trump
• 4:30
  takes over the institution, performers leave,
• 4:33
  the place becomes embroiled in controversy, and
• 4:35
  now Trump says it needs to be demolished because
• 4:37
  it has deteriorating facilities. And his proposed
• 4:40
  solution is to put his name back on the building.
• 4:43
  And let's just call this what it looks like,
• 4:45
  another attempt to get his name put back on the
• 4:47
  building. Allegedly. That's my personal opinion,
• 4:50
  at least. And speaking of Trump putting his name
• 4:53
  on things, his administration has also apparently
• 4:55
  decided that America itself needs a little rebranding.
• 4:58
  The trade war with Canada continues to heat up.
• 5:01
  In our last episode, we heard Ontario premier
• 5:03
  Doug Ford call Trump a bully and a loser, and
• 5:06
  threaten to turn off electricity exports to America
• 5:08
  and red states, and claim that he himself has
• 5:11
  skin like an alligator. Pretty strong stuff.
• 5:14
  So naturally, Trump had to retaliate. And I mean
• 5:17
  serious retaliation. He renamed Lake Ontario...
• 5:20
  To Lake America. Wow. What is Canada going to
• 5:24
  do about that one, pal? You can't just go around
• 5:27
  renaming lakes. Actually, apparently you can.
• 5:30
  Canada's Prime Minister Mark Carney was asked
• 5:32
  about the change. Prime Minister Mark Carney
• 5:34
  says no matter what the US calls it, Canadians
• 5:37
  will know it as Lake Ontario, then, now and always.
• 5:41
  Hmm, not quite the outrage we were expecting.
• 5:43
  Canada appears to have responded to Trump's declaration
• 5:46
  of war by simply continuing to use the lake's
• 5:48
  name, which is a devastating counterattack. The
• 5:51
  internet, however, had some ideas. The internet
• 5:55
  crossed out USA on the map and wrote in lower
• 5:57
  Canada. And once you start looking at the map,
• 5:59
  things get even more ridiculous. You probably
• 6:02
  remember Trump changed the Gulf of Mexico to
• 6:04
  the Gulf of America. Then he turned Lake Ontario
• 6:07
  into Lake America. And now apparently Trump has
• 6:09
  his sights set on one of the oceans. Because
• 6:12
  when you're running out of things to put your
• 6:13
  name on, there's always the Atlantic. Or the
• 6:16
  Pacific. At this point, I'm just waiting for
• 6:18
  him to rename the atmosphere. Maybe he can come
• 6:20
  up with something more Trumpian, like Trumpmosphere.
• 6:23
  And apparently the renaming campaign isn't limited
• 6:26
  to bodies of water. Trump is also taking on America's
• 6:29
  landmarks, including Yosemite National Park,
• 6:32
  or as Trump now calls it, Yosemite. Americans
• 6:35
  experience the breathtaking beauty of the Grand
• 6:38
  Canyon when their eyes widen in amazement as
• 6:42
  old faithful burst into the sky when they gaze
• 6:45
  upon Yosemites, Yosemites towering Sequoias.
• 6:51
  Their love of country grows stronger and they
• 6:54
  know that every American has truly a duty to
• 6:57
  preserve this wondrous inheritance. That's Yosemite.
• 7:02
  Renaming America one syllable at a time. And
• 7:05
  if you're one of the other Great Lakes, I would
• 7:07
  start getting nervous because even Lake Erie
• 7:09
  is no longer certain of its future. During a
• 7:12
  live broadcast, legendary NFL announcer Al Michaels
• 7:15
  was showing viewers the scenery when he paused
• 7:17
  on Lake Erie. That is Lake Erie. We think it
• 7:20
  is still called Lake Erie on the right. We're
• 7:23
  not quite sure at this point. But we believe
• 7:26
  something like Ontario or whatever is going to
• 7:29
  be called by the time we get to Buffalo. Anyway,
• 7:32
  you know what I'm talking about, some of you
• 7:34
  do. Some of us do. Right. Read the news. Apparently
• 7:39
  that was enough to trigger a Republican backlash
• 7:41
  with demands for an apology. For calling Lake
• 7:44
  Erie Lake Erie, which means we're now at the
• 7:47
  point where simply identifying a geographic feature
• 7:49
  by its traditional name is apparently provocative
• 7:52
  political commentary. I don't know what happens
• 7:54
  next. Maybe the rest of the Great Lakes are going
• 7:56
  to get together and issue a joint statement,
• 7:58
  confirming they are all still Great Lakes? At
• 8:01
  this point, nothing will surprise me. That's
• 8:03
  why my account name is It's Not Satire, because
• 8:05
  things just get more absurd every day and reality
• 8:08
  can't keep up. Meanwhile, Trump had another encounter
• 8:11
  with an even more powerful institution. gravity,
• 8:14
  Trump nearly toppled while walking up the stairs
• 8:16
  outside Air Force One. And for one terrifying
• 8:25
  moment, the world wondered if gravity had finally
• 8:28
  won, but Trump recovered. The stairs remained
• 8:31
  under investigation. And then Donald Trump posted
• 8:35
  an AI -generated image of himself and Dolly Parton
• 8:38
  arm -in -arm in the colony of the White House.
• 8:40
  Which is a little strange because Dolly spent
• 8:42
  her entire career very carefully avoiding political
• 8:44
  endorsements. She even declined invitations from
• 8:47
  Trump to visit the White House. Not once, but
• 8:49
  two times. So naturally, Trump generated a picture
• 8:52
  of the two of them together anyway. It's an interesting
• 8:55
  approach to celebrity friendship. If they won't
• 8:57
  come to the White House, just generate them there.
• 9:00
  And once Trump posted the image, the internet
• 9:01
  did what the internet does, people started making
• 9:04
  suggestions for more realistic pairings, including
• 9:07
  one involving Jeffrey Epstein, which admittedly
• 9:09
  has considerably more photographic precedent.
• 9:12
  But AI apparently wasn't finished, there were
• 9:14
  other proposed Trump pairings, Trump with a declassified
• 9:17
  extraterrestrial, Trump with a phantom first
• 9:20
  lady, At this point, I'm less interested in who
• 9:23
  Trump is actually photographed with than who
• 9:25
  artificial intelligence thinks he should be photographed
• 9:27
  with. And then we have Abdul El -Sayed. Trump
• 9:30
  made some provocative claims about Abdul, attempting
• 9:33
  to connect him to Islamic terrorism. Abdul responded
• 9:36
  in the most 2026 way possible. He went viral
• 9:39
  making fun of Trump's pronunciation of his own
• 9:41
  name. And Donald Trump, because he can't resist
• 9:45
  the red meat, can't seem to keep my name out
• 9:48
  of his mouth. Habibi, if you can't say the name,
• 9:53
  don't say the name. Abdul. Abdul. We ought to
• 10:04
  say it like that, man. It's creepy. Abdul. Holds
• 10:09
  on to the L a little too long. Abdul. You know,
• 10:18
  Natalie's gonna show him this clip and he's gonna
• 10:20
  be so mad. And then Abdul predicted that Natalie
• 10:27
  Hart would show Trump the clip and that Trump
• 10:29
  would be furious. I'm sure that's true if Trump
• 10:32
  ever sees the clip, but Natalie wouldn't ever
• 10:35
  dare do that because Natalie only shows Trump
• 10:37
  things that make him feel better, not worse.
• 10:39
  She is Trump's morale department. If a story
• 10:42
  makes Trump angry, Natalie doesn't print it.
• 10:44
  She puts it straight into the shredder, so Abdul
• 10:47
  Don't worry, there's absolutely no chance Trump
• 10:50
  is gonna see this. And finally, Australian absurdity.
• 10:53
  You know how American corruption scandals usually
• 10:56
  involve millions of dollars, secret payments,
• 10:58
  offshore accounts, and elaborate schemes? Well,
• 11:00
  Australia has its own version of political corruption,
• 11:03
  snacks. The Deputy Lord Mayor of Hobart, Zalinda
• 11:06
  Sturlock, is facing calls to resign after CCTV
• 11:09
  footage allegedly showed her taking food and
• 11:12
  drinks from a council lounge for personal use.
• 11:14
  And when I say food and drinks, I mean... snacks.
• 11:18
  The hall reportedly includes seven bottles of
• 11:20
  soft drinks, six packets of nuts, Mars bars,
• 11:23
  Cadbury chocolate, rolls, and alcohol. Three
• 11:26
  bottles of wine and seven beers. So obviously
• 11:29
  this is serious, but here's where the story gets
• 11:31
  very Australian. The matter was referred to Tasmania's
• 11:34
  Integrity Commission, and here's one aspect I
• 11:37
  particularly like. She actually referred herself
• 11:40
  to the Integrity Commission, and the Integrity
• 11:42
  Commission investigated it and dismissed the
• 11:44
  case on the grounds that it did not constitute
• 11:46
  misconduct. Which you might think would be the
• 11:48
  end of the story, but no, because now two years
• 11:52
  after the alleged snack raids, several Hobart
• 11:54
  counselors are calling for Sherlock to resign.
• 11:57
  One counselor claimed the evidence is particularly
• 11:59
  damning because they knew what they wanted, were
• 12:02
  confident, and obviously done it many times before.
• 12:05
  Which makes this sound less like a deputy Lord
• 12:07
  Bayer taking some refreshments home, and more
• 12:10
  like an Australian version of Bonnie and Clyde,
• 12:12
  just without any serious criminal offenses. So
• 12:15
  what was Sherlock's defense? She says she believed
• 12:17
  the refreshments were available to elected members
• 12:20
  because she had been working from home during
• 12:21
  COVID and beyond. She apologized and said she
• 12:24
  had misunderstood the policy, but that didn't
• 12:26
  stop calls for her resignation and an Australian
• 12:29
  media circus publicizing the claims. This is
• 12:31
  Australian absurdity, where a political career
• 12:34
  can apparently be placed in jeopardy over the
• 12:36
  kind of chocolate that normally disappears from
• 12:38
  a workplace kitchen without anyone bothering
• 12:40
  to investigate. So just remember, if you're visiting
• 12:43
  Australia, don't nip that candy bar from the
• 12:45
  break room, as you might get tossed in the slammer
• 12:48
  before your flight home. And there you have it,
• 12:50
  another day of breaking absurdity, your daily
• 12:53
  reminder that this is not normal. Be sure to
• 12:56
  like and subscribe to help me keep bringing you
• 12:58
  more daily absurdity. And if ads aren't your
• 13:01
  thing, then remember to check out the ad -free
• 13:03
  version of this podcast on my sub stack. Just
• 13:06
  click on the link in the show notes and look
• 13:08
  for the ad -free podcast and the subscription
• 13:10
  options.