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Baby Daddy Budget Betrayal! · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
0:04
Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
0:14
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
0:22
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
0:30
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:00
Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Today is Friday, which
1:04
Speaker 2: means it is time to get together with the team
1:07
Speaker 2: and celebrate you our incredible She's on the Money community,
1:11
Speaker 2: And today we're going to be sharing a few of
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Speaker 2: our favorite money wins or jesses, and then we're going
1:15
Speaker 2: to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which
1:18
Speaker 2: this week is all about how to achieve your financial
1:20
Speaker 2: goals with multiple income streams. And we're going to be
1:24
Speaker 2: unpacking something that you slid into our DMS, about which
1:27
Speaker 2: this week was what to do about a partner who
1:29
Speaker 2: spends his money on only fans but won't buy your
1:32
Speaker 2: baby clothes. So before we get their team, welcome to
1:35
Speaker 2: the Friday Show. Woo, thank you so much for having
1:38
Speaker 2: us party time. I feel like this has been a
1:41
Speaker 2: good week. We've had good pod content this week, good
1:44
Speaker 2: pod content, good pod content today. Good pod content, yes,
1:48
Speaker 2: good pod content. But have you had a good pod
1:50
Speaker 2: content week? Yeah?
1:51
Speaker 4: I think so, And I feel like everything's brighter on
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Speaker 4: a Friday.
1:55
Speaker 2: Can you tell that we've been talking about scarcity mindset?
1:57
Speaker 2: We just recorded that episode and now she's like I
1:59
Speaker 2: were rose colored glasses. Victoria taught me how to be
2:03
Speaker 2: more abundant. I'm on basically, I'm onto you. What's the
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Speaker 2: best part of your day today?
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Speaker 4: I got a coffee from seven to eleven money win,
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Speaker 4: money win, instead of going to the cafe downstairs.
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Speaker 2: Money loss, money loss. It's a small business money so
2:18
Speaker 2: we've got to mix it up. Well, that's exactly right.
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Speaker 4: But I got my walk in going all the way
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Speaker 4: to seven as amazing, So that was a highlight of
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Speaker 4: my day so far.
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Speaker 2: That's pretty good. Just what's the highlight of your day.
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Speaker 5: Oh, the highlight of my day is that this weekend
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Speaker 5: I have a lot of fun things planned. We're going
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Speaker 5: to see our family. My sister in law's very pregnant, right.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, which is babies everywhere.
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Speaker 5: We're all about the babies right now. And then one
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Speaker 5: of my other friends has a baby, and I've just
2:40
Speaker 5: moved and we're really close to our friends where we
2:43
Speaker 5: used to be really far away from our friends. So
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Speaker 5: I am excited to not have to drive ten billion
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Speaker 5: miles to see them.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that is epic. I'm just excited to go
2:52
Speaker 2: for a walk in the morning and get a coffee.
2:54
Speaker 2: If we're being brutally honest, like, this week has been
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Speaker 2: so busy that I have done literally nothing that I
3:00
Speaker 2: wanted to do and everything that I didn't want to do.
3:03
Speaker 2: But let's move on to everything I do want to
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Speaker 2: know about, and that is our community. Money wins, Jess,
3:08
Speaker 2: what have you pulled out for us this week?
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Speaker 5: I've got some fine ones this week, starting off with Samantha,
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Speaker 5: who said money win. I've decided to move back in
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Speaker 5: with my parents to save some money, and suddenly I
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Speaker 5: have an extra four hundred dollars in my account for
3:20
Speaker 5: not paying rent for the next two weeks.
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Speaker 2: He kiss very good money.
3:24
Speaker 5: We own that, queen. I saw someone else say something
3:27
Speaker 5: similar last week. They were saying they're embarrassed by hi. Well,
3:30
Speaker 5: I think there's that stigma of like being of a
3:32
Speaker 5: certain age when your parents are like, get that bag.
3:34
Speaker 5: That's a lot of money.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Not only is it a lot of money, I
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Speaker 2: also genuinely think it's a flex to have such a
3:40
Speaker 2: solid relationship with your parents that you're happy to move
3:42
Speaker 2: back in and they're happy with the circumstance, like lap
3:46
Speaker 2: that up. That is privilege if ever, I've seen it,
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Speaker 2: and I love it one thousand percent.
3:51
Speaker 5: My next win this week comes from Page who said
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Speaker 5: big money win. I was paying seventy dollars a week
3:56
Speaker 5: for forty five I recently.
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Speaker 2: Gn't actually seventy dollars a week out.
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Speaker 5: Isn't that insane?
4:00
Speaker 2: That's so expensive? That is ludicant that Sorry, at forty five,
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Speaker 2: you're probably not going to sponsor us, but that is insane.
4:08
Speaker 2: They don't even have a room full of equipment, don't they. Well,
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Speaker 2: I walk past in her forty five place all the time.
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Speaker 2: They're just like jumping up and down on the spot.
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Speaker 5: I could do that in my lundry for free.
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Speaker 2: Literally, let's do it anyway, page seventy dollars.
4:21
Speaker 5: She canceled her membership and signed up to her local
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Speaker 5: gym for twelve dollars a week. To keep her fitness
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Speaker 5: on track, she downloaded the Sweat app for a training program,
4:29
Speaker 5: which costs five dollars a week. This means that she's
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Speaker 5: now going to save two hundred and twelve dollars a month.
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Speaker 5: She's going to support a small business, she's gonna be
4:36
Speaker 5: able to work out more flexibly, and she's already gained
4:39
Speaker 5: some muscle on the new program.
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Speaker 2: Yes, Queen, I just said, my kick Pilarate's workouts on
4:43
Speaker 2: the floor in my laundry with my cats climbing over me,
4:46
Speaker 2: and I just think that's it.
4:47
Speaker 5: Pick Kick is the best. That platform is so so good.
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Speaker 2: That's because you use my log in Steph, Laura, you're listening, No,
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Speaker 2: you did not.
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Speaker 5: That is a money win.
4:54
Speaker 2: That is a money winner.
4:55
Speaker 5: My next win comes from Jennifer, who said she recently
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Speaker 5: bought a house that renovating and the backyard was all
5:02
Speaker 5: fake turf. She thought they were going to have to
5:04
Speaker 5: pay to get rid of it. But instead she put
5:06
Speaker 5: it on Facebook marketplace for free and had over fifty
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Speaker 5: messages for people wanting to come and pick it up.
5:12
Speaker 5: And I have a story. Recently moved, as I told you,
5:15
Speaker 5: and we had like a whole garage full of stuff,
5:17
Speaker 5: right and I was.
5:18
Speaker 2: Like, oh no, I've just moved as well. The worst
5:21
Speaker 2: you would know.
5:22
Speaker 5: A lot of it was really good stuff that I
5:24
Speaker 5: just as we were cleaning, I was don't want to
5:27
Speaker 5: move it. Op shops aren't taking stuff right now, aren't they? No.
5:30
Speaker 5: I think there's been a lot of donations, which is
5:32
Speaker 5: a great thing.
5:33
Speaker 2: But though because I feel like sometimes people take the
5:35
Speaker 2: mickey and they just donate stuff that they really should
5:38
Speaker 2: have thrown out. Oh absolutely rude.
5:40
Speaker 5: Which doesn't do it. It takes up more time, it's
5:42
Speaker 5: not helpful all But anyways, aren't taking out? Do you
5:44
Speaker 5: want to throw it out? Because what do you do
5:46
Speaker 5: with good stuff? So I posted in like the page
5:48
Speaker 5: for my estate and hey, everybody, I've got a driveway
5:52
Speaker 5: full of stuff. It's out the front. I did preemptively
5:55
Speaker 5: say no holds first, distressed, don't message me, I'm not
5:59
Speaker 5: picking up. And it was gone in an hour and
6:01
Speaker 5: a half.
6:02
Speaker 2: Was that wow, like in your front room and just like.
6:06
Speaker 5: What like crashed the cat And I was like, yeah,
6:08
Speaker 5: I would, And.
6:09
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have even said hi. I would have just
6:10
Speaker 2: been snooping on people, being like, oh, so they're checking
6:13
Speaker 2: out the full pile. What do you reckon? They came for?
6:16
Speaker 2: Was it the keyboard?
6:18
Speaker 5: Keyboard? We actually did have a keyboard.
6:22
Speaker 2: I want to see the picture. No, this is all
6:24
Speaker 2: for free.
6:25
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, because that was the thing is I was
6:26
Speaker 5: going to give it away, and rather than I didn't
6:28
Speaker 5: have the time to sell it, I was just like,
6:29
Speaker 5: do a good thing. Maybe someone gets that's good.
6:32
Speaker 2: I moved and I put a chest of drawers on
6:35
Speaker 2: my nature strip thinking that someone would take them, and
6:39
Speaker 2: they have it. And now my real estate agent is
6:41
Speaker 2: following me up to boot Hard Rubbish because otherwise it's
6:44
Speaker 2: going to come out of my bond. So money lost
6:46
Speaker 2: for me, money for you and our.
6:49
Speaker 5: Community, and money in the page as well. The next
6:51
Speaker 5: win I have here came from Annie, who said she
6:53
Speaker 5: ordered some make up back in October and it got
6:55
Speaker 5: lost in transit. She got a replacement order that arrived
6:58
Speaker 5: in December. However, somehow the original order has now gotten
7:02
Speaker 5: unlost underrived and they don't want it back. So now
7:06
Speaker 5: she's got double the makeup, including some of her staple
7:09
Speaker 5: products that she would have had to repurchase on every
7:11
Speaker 5: money win.
7:13
Speaker 2: That's actually a very good money win. And it's like
7:16
Speaker 2: super ethical as well, because obviously there was a period
7:18
Speaker 2: of time between it. You didn't just like lie about
7:20
Speaker 2: your package being no, which we don't condone, but like,
7:24
Speaker 2: how good that's good karma coming around, I reckon.
7:27
Speaker 5: I would like to think so as well. And then
7:29
Speaker 5: the last win that I have for this week comes
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Speaker 5: from Rihanna and who said money win. I needed a
7:33
Speaker 5: new pair of shoes for work, as mine now have
7:35
Speaker 5: a hole where the toe pops out. Not exactly questionable,
7:38
Speaker 5: that's hot, and one of the girls from work, some
7:41
Speaker 5: people would pay for that only for content.
7:43
Speaker 2: Think I would you would pay for that content? She would,
7:47
Speaker 2: it'd be great to see scumbag.
7:50
Speaker 5: One of the girls from work said that she had
7:52
Speaker 5: a pair that she had worn once and didn't like
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Speaker 5: the feel of them, so she said that I could
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Speaker 5: have them for freeze. They don't go to waste, save
7:58
Speaker 5: myself one hundred and fifty bucks.
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Speaker 2: And I guarantee they're more comfortable than one with not
8:04
Speaker 2: on a hot day.
8:06
Speaker 5: True, that's like free air con exactly.
8:09
Speaker 2: Do you know what you know? What's got good air
8:11
Speaker 2: conn in in a piece of footwear? Crocs? True?
8:16
Speaker 5: No, great, great footwear. I'm team anti croc.
8:19
Speaker 2: I am team that's very strong name and activity. I
8:22
Speaker 2: can't complete wearing my crocs.
8:24
Speaker 5: Go to fashion Week?
8:25
Speaker 2: Can Balenciaga brought out their own crocks?
8:27
Speaker 5: And what happened to Balenciaga?
8:29
Speaker 2: Yeah? See myself out. All right, let's go to a
8:34
Speaker 2: break before I get canceled in the way the Balenciaga did,
8:37
Speaker 2: and we'll see you on the other side to talk
8:38
Speaker 2: about a money dilemma, and also about what you would
8:41
Speaker 2: do if your partner's paying for only fans but refusing
8:44
Speaker 2: to buy baby clothes. Don't go anywhere.
8:50
Speaker 5: Orright everybody, we are back and it's time for what
8:52
Speaker 5: it is. I feel like one of my favorite parts
8:54
Speaker 5: of the week at this.
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Speaker 2: Point, mine too, money dilemma.
8:57
Speaker 5: Let's have a listen.
9:00
Speaker 2: Hi there, have you got a money dilemma you just
9:02
Speaker 2: can't solve? The Sheese on the Money Team is here
9:05
Speaker 2: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
9:08
Speaker 2: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
9:11
Speaker 2: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
9:14
Speaker 2: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
9:16
Speaker 2: just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a
9:19
Speaker 2: listen to this week's money dilemma.
9:22
Speaker 6: Hello, I have a money dilemma that I hope you
9:25
Speaker 6: can pretty please help me out with. I work permanent
9:29
Speaker 6: part time, so I work four days a week, and
9:32
Speaker 6: I have a salary for that. I also work freelance
9:36
Speaker 6: and have different amounts of money coming in from that
9:38
Speaker 6: each month. I really want to use my freelance money
9:42
Speaker 6: to grow my wealth, to also maybe subsidize my salary
9:46
Speaker 6: at times, because it's not always a lot with the
9:47
Speaker 6: growing cost of life. So how can I kind of
9:50
Speaker 6: manage this freelance while living off my salary and grow
9:53
Speaker 6: my wealth and travel and do fun things that I
9:56
Speaker 6: can't afford to do just on my salary. Thank you.
10:00
Speaker 2: I feel like this is a really common one for
10:02
Speaker 2: people who are either in that situation where they have
10:05
Speaker 2: an income and then they have a freelance income, or
10:07
Speaker 2: they have an inconsistent income in general, like they might
10:10
Speaker 2: be a UNI student only work casually so you know,
10:12
Speaker 2: over Christmas they might become fully loaded because they just
10:16
Speaker 2: work fifty hour weeks and then during the week they
10:18
Speaker 2: only have the capacity to do like five or six hours.
10:21
Speaker 2: So I think this is actually there's no secret to it,
10:25
Speaker 2: and I'm sorry, I don't have like some secret like, oh,
10:27
Speaker 2: here's how to manage your wealth and still go on
10:29
Speaker 2: holidays and do all of these things. It actually sounds
10:33
Speaker 2: like the first thing you need to do is go
10:35
Speaker 2: back to basics and work out what your goals and
10:37
Speaker 2: values are and go, well, what actually am I looking
10:40
Speaker 2: to achieve here? Because if travel is your value, well,
10:43
Speaker 2: what does that mean? Are we traveling down to the
10:46
Speaker 2: beach every weekend and it's a really cheap day trip,
10:48
Speaker 2: or are we traveling to Italy? And if we're doing that,
10:51
Speaker 2: is it an annual international trip? Is it every two years,
10:54
Speaker 2: every five years? Like what does that actually look like
10:58
Speaker 2: to you? Because to say, oh, I really want to
11:00
Speaker 2: travel and I want to create wealth and I want
11:02
Speaker 2: to I can't tell you the answer. You actually need
11:04
Speaker 2: to go back to basics and go, well, actually, what
11:07
Speaker 2: are my values and what does that look like? And
11:09
Speaker 2: then you need to look at your budget and cash
11:11
Speaker 2: flow and go okay, cool, what does my actual budget
11:14
Speaker 2: look like like what am my outgoings versus my ingoings?
11:18
Speaker 2: And as you said, it's hard to measure what that
11:21
Speaker 2: freelance work looks like, but easy to understand what your
11:24
Speaker 2: salary is because that's going to be the same thing
11:26
Speaker 2: each and every single month. So if I were you,
11:28
Speaker 2: I would get a good budget and cash flow system. Hint,
11:31
Speaker 2: we have a brilliant one. I know, Jess swears by
11:35
Speaker 2: it so good, and I'm biased because I created it
11:39
Speaker 2: and Beck has just been gifted it but she hasn't
11:41
Speaker 2: done anything with it yet. But that's okay, we'll get
11:43
Speaker 2: there baby steps. I mean, just having a log in
11:46
Speaker 2: a is a start, But what I would be doing
11:49
Speaker 2: is really looking at, well, how much money do I
11:51
Speaker 2: have coming in and how much needs to go out?
11:53
Speaker 2: What are my basic spenses, and then with your freelance
11:57
Speaker 2: income topping that up. So if say one month, you
12:00
Speaker 2: have an extra five hundred dollars, wow, we could allocate
12:03
Speaker 2: that towards achieving a goal sooner than we had set
12:06
Speaker 2: out to with our base income. And I think that
12:09
Speaker 2: the way of working needs to be quite structured, because
12:13
Speaker 2: otherwise we feel a little bit wishy washy and we're like, oh,
12:16
Speaker 2: I'm not really sure what I'm doing when it comes
12:17
Speaker 2: to wealth creation or this holiday goal I have, or
12:19
Speaker 2: you know, you might be saving for a new car.
12:22
Speaker 2: I think we actually need to create some structure. So
12:24
Speaker 2: create the structure with your base income where you have
12:27
Speaker 2: that stability, and then when you have additional funds coming in,
12:32
Speaker 2: maybe that goes into your holiday fund so you can
12:34
Speaker 2: go on a holiday sooner or achieve that goal quicker.
12:36
Speaker 2: Or maybe you have an extra two hundred dollars one
12:38
Speaker 2: month that you didn't have the month before, and wow,
12:40
Speaker 2: you could buy some more shares and work towards that goal.
12:44
Speaker 2: But from my perspective, having clarity on those goals is
12:48
Speaker 2: really important to begin with, because otherwise it feels really
12:51
Speaker 2: wishy washy. And often when you have an unstable income,
12:54
Speaker 2: it can be like, oh, well, I don't know how
12:56
Speaker 2: much money i'll have next month versus this month, and
12:58
Speaker 2: what's the point. Well, why don't we just strip it
13:00
Speaker 2: back to basics and taking that a step further. If
13:03
Speaker 2: you're someone listening to this and you're like, but V
13:05
Speaker 2: I don't have a base income, it's always freelance. Sometimes
13:09
Speaker 2: it's one thousand dollars a month. Sometimes it's ten thousand
13:12
Speaker 2: dollars a month. What I would do is look back
13:15
Speaker 2: on the last twelve months of income and go, Okay,
13:18
Speaker 2: what on average am I actually bringing in? What on
13:21
Speaker 2: average are my monthly expenses, and then creating a kitty
13:25
Speaker 2: and creating basically a cash hub where all of that
13:28
Speaker 2: money comes in, but you always have the consistency of
13:31
Speaker 2: what goes out. So you might have worked out that
13:34
Speaker 2: your food, your fuel, and your fun is two hundred
13:36
Speaker 2: and fifty dollars a week, So regardless of whether ten
13:39
Speaker 2: thousand dollars or one thousand dollars came in that month,
13:42
Speaker 2: you transfer that two hundred and fifty dollars a week
13:44
Speaker 2: and live on a structure. And then maybe every three
13:48
Speaker 2: or six months you go into that cash hub and go, wow,
13:50
Speaker 2: I do have more than I expected to have, or wow,
13:54
Speaker 2: there's not enough there, or whatever that might look like.
13:57
Speaker 2: And if you do have a surplus, you can reallocate
13:59
Speaker 2: that to your goals to achieve them quicker. But the
14:02
Speaker 2: most important thing, and I know I've harped on about
14:04
Speaker 2: this literally because I'm obsessed with budget and cash flow,
14:08
Speaker 2: is actually creating some level of stability, because that's what
14:11
Speaker 2: we crave when it comes to budget and when it
14:13
Speaker 2: comes to dealing with money, and often we feel most
14:16
Speaker 2: out of control when we don't feel like we're in control. Right, Yes,
14:20
Speaker 2: you freelance on the side and a bit of a
14:22
Speaker 2: side husseleur. How do you deal with that when it
14:25
Speaker 2: comes into your account?
14:26
Speaker 5: I kind of just treat it as extra free money. Yeah, well,
14:29
Speaker 5: not free money, it's not what's the word fungible?
14:32
Speaker 2: So aren't fungible is the most disgusting word, But yes,
14:35
Speaker 2: it's correct in this circumstance.
14:37
Speaker 5: You're looking at me confused.
14:39
Speaker 2: I don't. I'd never heard fungible. It makes if you're
14:43
Speaker 2: a mushrooms. That's what I thought.
14:44
Speaker 5: It sounds like fungus. Yes, I heard it on the podcast,
14:47
Speaker 5: I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong, Victoria. Fungible means
14:51
Speaker 5: you view it as replaceable. Yes, there we so.
14:57
Speaker 2: To give you the official definition, and it says fungible
15:01
Speaker 2: of a product or commodity replaceable by another identical item,
15:06
Speaker 2: mutually interchangeable. And then the quote is it is by
15:10
Speaker 2: no means the world's only fungible commodity. Not a way
15:13
Speaker 2: I get to throw around it. Honestly, I just can't
15:17
Speaker 2: write that word. It gives me the ick.
15:19
Speaker 4: I love how Google definitions always use the most unrelatable
15:22
Speaker 4: sentence to so uptight to give you an example, and I.
15:26
Speaker 2: Still maybe we should just go to Jess because she
15:30
Speaker 2: used it in a real life sentence, which honestly it
15:32
Speaker 2: should be banned. It gives me, well, I learned it
15:35
Speaker 2: in podcast.
15:36
Speaker 5: But like I essentially I view it as like I
15:40
Speaker 5: don't count on it being there. So when the money
15:42
Speaker 5: is there, I'll allocate it to something, but if it's
15:45
Speaker 5: not there, I'm not preemptively allocating it.
15:48
Speaker 2: If that makes sense, That's fair because I think you
15:50
Speaker 2: can get ahead of yourself and then you know, maybe
15:52
Speaker 2: if it doesn't come in, you're stressed because you're not
15:54
Speaker 2: meeting the goal that you set or the bills that
15:56
Speaker 2: you've allocated for. And I think really working off the
15:59
Speaker 2: base amount of income that will come through is the
16:02
Speaker 2: best way to do.
16:02
Speaker 5: That one thousand percent. Like, I just never count on
16:05
Speaker 5: it being there, and I also try not to fall
16:07
Speaker 5: into the trap of when a lot of money does
16:10
Speaker 5: come in, going oh my god, I'm rich, like I
16:13
Speaker 5: can buy this really extensive bag that I wanted, or
16:15
Speaker 5: I can put it. You know, I can go on
16:16
Speaker 5: a holiday straight away, like I try and pace myself
16:20
Speaker 5: a little bit.
16:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's the most important thing that
16:22
Speaker 2: you can do. And most freelancers actually go ham in
16:25
Speaker 2: their first year or two because they go, oh my gosh,
16:28
Speaker 2: this month, I'm rich and I'm going to pay for
16:29
Speaker 2: dinner for everybody, and I'm gonna, you know, buy my
16:32
Speaker 2: family this a new couch, knew this and knew that.
16:34
Speaker 2: And then the month after that they're back to feeling
16:37
Speaker 2: a little bit frugal because they don't have a big
16:39
Speaker 2: invoice coming in. And I do think that we should
16:41
Speaker 2: see when we have additional cash coming in as an
16:44
Speaker 2: opportunity to set ourselves up for a little bit more
16:47
Speaker 2: financial security. So if there's an extra thousand dollars in
16:50
Speaker 2: your account this month, how can we use that to
16:53
Speaker 2: put you in the best possible position. Can it go
16:55
Speaker 2: into establishing an emergency fund. Can it top up an
16:58
Speaker 2: emergency fund and go into you know, sitting just in
17:02
Speaker 2: your cash hubs so you have a bit more of
17:04
Speaker 2: a float to work with when it comes to bills.
17:06
Speaker 2: Because we have regro coming up in a couple of
17:07
Speaker 2: months and we don't Yeah, but we don't want to
17:10
Speaker 2: be surprised by those costs because, as you said, do
17:13
Speaker 2: remind me, it's literally the worst when you have a
17:16
Speaker 2: thousand dollar expense come up and you don't have the
17:18
Speaker 2: money put aside. And I promise if we put it
17:20
Speaker 2: aside future you's got to thank you when that regro
17:24
Speaker 2: comes up, and you'll be like, heck, yeah, I don't
17:26
Speaker 2: even have to go into my savings for this one.
17:28
Speaker 5: Don't have to change the response exactly like we're excited.
17:33
Speaker 4: V I did want to ask if say, for example,
17:35
Speaker 4: I had an extra five dollars this month, would you
17:38
Speaker 4: recommend I invest it or save it?
17:42
Speaker 2: Well, it depends what circumstance you're in, Like if you
17:45
Speaker 2: have a fully funded emergency fund that you're really comfortable
17:50
Speaker 2: with and no outstanding bills and no debts, then yeah,
17:53
Speaker 2: you could definitely invest it. But I think that having
17:56
Speaker 2: an emergency fund and having bills up to date is
17:59
Speaker 2: actually really sexy and as much as I think so
18:01
Speaker 2: many people are jumping or chomping at the bit, if
18:04
Speaker 2: that's the right word or phrase to use here to invest,
18:08
Speaker 2: I also think that we should be investing when we're
18:10
Speaker 2: financially secure enough to invest in that we don't have
18:13
Speaker 2: to pull it out at a later date. So if
18:15
Speaker 2: you've got an extra five bucks, it's going to really
18:17
Speaker 2: depend on your circumstances, because an extra five dollars to
18:21
Speaker 2: one person might not mean much, but an extra five
18:24
Speaker 2: dollars to somebody else could mean the difference of being
18:26
Speaker 2: absolutely stressed and not. Because sometimes we have as you
18:30
Speaker 2: said a couple of weeks ago on the show, I
18:32
Speaker 2: have negative seventeen dollars in my bank account, Like five
18:35
Speaker 2: bucks is a savior when you need to buy some
18:36
Speaker 2: new Eggs. So I think it's really important to take
18:39
Speaker 2: the situation into account and not just go, oh, should
18:42
Speaker 2: I be investing this five bucks? No, not necessarily. I mean,
18:46
Speaker 2: if it's aligned to your values and the goals that
18:48
Speaker 2: you've set one thousand percent, what a cool thing to do.
18:51
Speaker 2: But if you don't have an emergency funder guarantee you
18:54
Speaker 2: you probably want that five bucks next month.
18:57
Speaker 4: So because I do this is going to maybe kill you.
19:00
Speaker 4: But I have zero dollars in savings, So I'm going
19:02
Speaker 4: to start on my savings and then invest.
19:04
Speaker 2: Okay, I e exactly, And I feel like getting ahead
19:07
Speaker 2: in that sense means that when you do invest, there's
19:10
Speaker 2: going to be less stress and less anxiety because you
19:13
Speaker 2: do have that emergency fund to fall back on. Like
19:16
Speaker 2: what if something happens and you do need an extra
19:18
Speaker 2: ten or fifteen bucks, Well, you've got it in your
19:20
Speaker 2: emergency fund. We don't need to worry about the money
19:23
Speaker 2: that we invested because the plan with investing is actually
19:26
Speaker 2: to be in it for the long term, not put
19:28
Speaker 2: it in there for a little bit and then pull
19:30
Speaker 2: it out if we need it. It's put it in
19:32
Speaker 2: there for thirty years and hopefully don't touch it, which
19:35
Speaker 2: is an absolute privilege in itself, because that means that
19:38
Speaker 2: you're financially secure on the flip side, and I think
19:41
Speaker 2: that for me is the most important thing to structure
19:43
Speaker 2: yourself for. And that's just genuine financial security to begin with.
19:47
Speaker 2: That makes a lot of sense.
19:48
Speaker 5: And if you do want to do the master class,
19:50
Speaker 5: I feel like there's probably a lot of people listening
19:51
Speaker 5: to this right now going, oh, what is that.
19:53
Speaker 2: She's some money? Never talks about it, We really don't,
19:55
Speaker 2: So like this is the year of pumping the budget
19:58
Speaker 2: and cashlow master class because we always forget to talk
20:00
Speaker 2: about it, and it is so great.
20:02
Speaker 5: I use it literally every single week. It's amazing Hedge
20:05
Speaker 5: the website if you want to check it out. And
20:07
Speaker 5: because we love you and it is the season of love,
20:10
Speaker 5: it's almost Valentine's Day, you know, I love a theme.
20:12
Speaker 5: We're going to give you a cheeky discount code. So
20:14
Speaker 5: if you want to use the code, I love Discounts,
20:17
Speaker 5: because we love.
20:17
Speaker 2: You, you're even making your own discount code up. I
20:21
Speaker 2: thought you were going to do the standard one that
20:23
Speaker 2: we turn on and off sometimes.
20:24
Speaker 5: No, I love discounts. It's going to work out until
20:26
Speaker 5: February fourteenth, Valentine's Day.
20:28
Speaker 2: Now do the fifteenth. What if it's like the day
20:31
Speaker 2: of self love and you're like buying yourself a Valentine's
20:34
Speaker 2: Day gift.
20:35
Speaker 4: Valentine's Day goes all horribly wrong.
20:37
Speaker 2: You need a budget casually musk class to hold you
20:39
Speaker 2: and keep you warm at night. Yeah, all right, running
20:43
Speaker 2: you a better job than your shitty ex boyfriend.
20:45
Speaker 5: Honestly running until fifteenth. I love Discounts. I give you
20:48
Speaker 5: fifty bucks off as little WE Love You Present TLDR.
20:51
Speaker 2: It will not actually hold you and love you at night,
20:53
Speaker 2: but you know what it will do make you feel
20:55
Speaker 2: financially secure, so you probably sleep better at night, So
20:58
Speaker 2: turn out a ten idea.
21:00
Speaker 5: I feel like it's a nice little segue into our
21:02
Speaker 5: next topic as well. Victoria speaking of something I love
21:05
Speaker 5: you at night.
21:05
Speaker 2: Ah, No, it will not. This is spicy and will
21:08
Speaker 2: make you anxious. But we have a little community concern.
21:11
Speaker 2: One of you has slid into our DMS this week. Actually,
21:13
Speaker 2: to be honest, a lot of people have slid into
21:15
Speaker 2: our DMS this week. But I thought this was the
21:17
Speaker 2: spiciest topic, and we asked you guys what you would do.
21:20
Speaker 2: But first I want to hear what my team would do.
21:23
Speaker 2: So here's the dilemma. It goes, Hi, ladies, I have
21:26
Speaker 2: a dilemma. Surprise. My partner has been paying for only
21:30
Speaker 2: fans throughout my pregnancy and when my baby was born.
21:35
Speaker 2: I caught him late December as I saw a transaction
21:37
Speaker 2: on his bank statement and he told me it was
21:40
Speaker 2: a once off because I couldn't have sex with him
21:42
Speaker 2: due to pregnancy. I was so upset, but he said
21:46
Speaker 2: he didn't even like it, so I forgave him fast forward.
21:50
Speaker 2: There have been more transactions, some totally more than one
21:53
Speaker 2: hundred and fifty dollars on subscriptions but he won't even
21:57
Speaker 2: buy clothes for our unborn daughter. I'm so upset. I
22:01
Speaker 2: have a high sex drive, so there's no issue there.
22:04
Speaker 2: I'm upset he prioritizes this over other financial things we
22:08
Speaker 2: actually need. Looking for some advice here and in the bracket,
22:11
Speaker 2: she says. I know you'll probably say, been him. Has
22:15
Speaker 2: anybody else in the community gone through this, Becky, your
22:19
Speaker 2: little face.
22:21
Speaker 4: I do, obviously just want to make it known that
22:24
Speaker 4: I don't think there's anything wrong with only fans. I
22:27
Speaker 4: love only fans. There is nothing wrong with having you
22:29
Speaker 4: love it how much I love it, So I have
22:31
Speaker 4: several subscriptions. I don't I'm not rich enough. But I'm
22:35
Speaker 4: not rich enough.
22:36
Speaker 5: That's why. I mean, if they're paying one hundred and
22:38
Speaker 5: fifty dollars a thing like is that a monthly fee?
22:41
Speaker 5: That's insane.
22:42
Speaker 2: I see so much.
22:43
Speaker 5: It's about that. My brain went that some girls make
22:45
Speaker 5: him bank off that, and that kind of makes.
22:47
Speaker 2: Me low key proud of you, sis.
22:49
Speaker 5: But the situation, sorry.
22:50
Speaker 4: Be no, Well, yeah, I think that you know, there's
22:54
Speaker 4: absolutely nothing wrong with any of these circumstances.
22:56
Speaker 2: Unless you have unless you have a.
22:58
Speaker 4: Pregnant partner and you're choosing to spend your money elsewhere.
23:03
Speaker 4: That's where it gets a little bit tricky, especially considering
23:06
Speaker 4: and I'm assuming by her tone maybe that she's not
23:10
Speaker 4: happy with him using or you know, gossuming that consuming
23:14
Speaker 4: that kind of content.
23:16
Speaker 5: It sounds like such a boundary thing because, as you said,
23:18
Speaker 5: you feel like there's nothing wrong with that, And I'm
23:19
Speaker 5: there's probably people listening who would viewer as.
23:22
Speaker 2: You know, absolutely not that's cheating.
23:24
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like it kind of really depends where you sit
23:27
Speaker 5: on that emotional scale. Some people love porn, some people
23:29
Speaker 5: are really against it. Like we're not here to pass
23:31
Speaker 5: judgment on what people do organizing.
23:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely not. And like I fully think that porn
23:36
Speaker 2: should be paid for anyway, because like that's one of
23:38
Speaker 2: the ways to guarantee that it's basically an ethical outcome, right, Like, so,
23:43
Speaker 2: however you're consuming it, I think that paid is is great.
23:46
Speaker 2: But I think this concern, from my perspective, is not
23:49
Speaker 2: necessarily around whether he's paying for that service or not,
23:53
Speaker 2: because we're not a relationships podcast where money podcast. So
23:57
Speaker 2: I'm assuming she's asked about a money dilemma, And I
24:00
Speaker 2: mean there's one the rules spots, So does go into
24:02
Speaker 2: the relationship side of things. But it's really, Hey, my
24:05
Speaker 2: partner has this spending problem, I would assume, and it's
24:09
Speaker 2: impacting my everyday life. I feel like it would be
24:12
Speaker 2: similar to saying, oh, my partner has a gambling addiction
24:14
Speaker 2: and we can't afford children's clothes, or my partner has
24:17
Speaker 2: you know, maybe a drinking problem and just spending money
24:19
Speaker 2: on gin instead of on you know, baby clothes. Does
24:22
Speaker 2: that make sense? Like, that's the way I'm seeing it,
24:24
Speaker 2: and it's being I guess prefaced in my mind because
24:28
Speaker 2: she's seeing it as a problem.
24:29
Speaker 5: Yeah.
24:29
Speaker 2: But yeah, again, as you said, no judgment if it's
24:32
Speaker 2: only fans, it's only fans.
24:34
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess like hypothetically, if she didn't have a
24:37
Speaker 4: problem with him on only fans, then we're still looking
24:41
Speaker 4: at the issue of you're not spending your money on
24:44
Speaker 4: your unborn child, You're spending it somewhere else. So whatever
24:47
Speaker 4: that somewhere else is, that is still a bit of
24:51
Speaker 4: a thing that we need to be looking at. Yeah,
24:53
Speaker 4: but the actual what is actually spending the money on,
24:55
Speaker 4: of course, has its own complexities that they kind of
24:59
Speaker 4: need to work out. Maybe needs to find out why
25:01
Speaker 4: he's doing that.
25:01
Speaker 2: I feel like there's gonna be some people listening to
25:04
Speaker 2: this and they're like, only fans isn't porn, Like it's different, Yes,
25:08
Speaker 2: And I totally get that, because I also think that
25:11
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know how much Steve's going
25:13
Speaker 2: to appreciate me talking about porn publicly, but I feel
25:17
Speaker 2: like porn to me is different to only fans. I mean,
25:21
Speaker 2: I've never subscribed to only fans, so I can't talk
25:23
Speaker 2: to the experience of it. But in my head, that
25:26
Speaker 2: feels like a far more personal connection than you know,
25:29
Speaker 2: going on to like the World's Biggest Porn Stars website
25:32
Speaker 2: and paying for her content because it feels less personal
25:35
Speaker 2: like that to me feels like a boundary overstep. In addition,
25:40
Speaker 2: and obviously she didn't know about it, like she said,
25:43
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, I found a transaction and I'm unhappy
25:46
Speaker 2: with it, Like, do you think that's cheating? I feel
25:49
Speaker 2: like it would also really depend on who the only
25:51
Speaker 2: fans person was. Is it like an only fans girl
25:53
Speaker 2: who has four hundred thousand followers, or is it like
25:56
Speaker 2: an only fans person who's a local mum that maybe
25:59
Speaker 2: is a mum that your other kid goes to school with.
26:02
Speaker 2: Then she has three hundred follow Does that make sense? Like,
26:04
Speaker 2: I feel like there's such a delineation between how far
26:07
Speaker 2: removed is this person.
26:09
Speaker 4: If they're close enough that you do know them personally,
26:12
Speaker 4: maybe or you.
26:13
Speaker 2: Could off my rocker. Absolutely, that's a bit, you know.
26:18
Speaker 4: But if they're so far removed that this person won't
26:20
Speaker 4: even ever know that you ever existed, then like whatever,
26:23
Speaker 4: like go oud.
26:25
Speaker 5: I feel like the other important thing that we're kind
26:27
Speaker 5: of missing here is that she had set the boundary,
26:31
Speaker 5: like she had found it earlier on and said I'm
26:35
Speaker 5: displeased with this. I'm not okay with it. I can
26:37
Speaker 5: hear people yelling at us through the pod.
26:39
Speaker 2: He's pregnant, I know, right, carrying your child fair enough.
26:44
Speaker 5: If maybe you hadn't had the conversation, you weren't on
26:46
Speaker 5: the same page. He's like, I thought it was fine.
26:47
Speaker 5: She's like, absolutely not. That's something to be discussed between
26:50
Speaker 5: the two of you. But if she's set the boundary
26:52
Speaker 5: and he's done it, I feel like that's a real
26:55
Speaker 5: disrespectful thing for him to be doing to her, and
26:59
Speaker 5: then obvious the fact that it's impacting them financially is
27:02
Speaker 5: then an additional light, like you're going to pay some
27:04
Speaker 5: random girl, but you're not going to buy your baby
27:07
Speaker 5: something that it needs. That's where I kind of really
27:09
Speaker 5: have the issue is you're putting.
27:11
Speaker 2: Your I have so many issues from this whole thing.
27:14
Speaker 5: I know they're coming in everywhere, No, but it's like
27:17
Speaker 5: that is for me, the biggest problem is it sounds
27:20
Speaker 5: like maybe they don't have the most about any basic
27:21
Speaker 5: expensive you know, like that's such a tough time for
27:24
Speaker 5: you guys. And then for him to be funneling the
27:27
Speaker 5: money into something that I view is quite selfish in
27:30
Speaker 5: this situation, disrespecting the conversation that they had had previously,
27:36
Speaker 5: and to be doing all of that, well, she's just
27:37
Speaker 5: literally pushed a human out of her huha, like it's.
27:40
Speaker 2: Just human quote Jessica twenty twenty three. Do you know
27:46
Speaker 2: what else really really frustrates me about this conversation? And
27:50
Speaker 2: I'm going to read it again. He told me it
27:53
Speaker 2: was one off because I couldn't have sex with him
27:55
Speaker 2: due to pregnancy.
27:56
Speaker 5: That is gas lighting, sir.
27:58
Speaker 2: What Like, my partner's going through the entirely dramatic process
28:05
Speaker 2: of being pregnant, but she couldn't have sex, so I
28:07
Speaker 2: had to resort to other things. Get in the bin.
28:10
Speaker 2: And I know she said at the end in brackets,
28:12
Speaker 2: I know you'll probably say it in them. Yeah, I
28:13
Speaker 2: do say get in the bin, like you belong in
28:16
Speaker 2: twenty twenty two, sir, like twenty twenty three eight for you,
28:19
Speaker 2: because that is not the take that men should have.
28:21
Speaker 2: That like's so true. It is so primitive to be like, oh, men,
28:26
Speaker 2: men need their sexual urges satisfied. Mate, No, no, sit down.
28:30
Speaker 2: That's actually gross. And I just think that that is one,
28:33
Speaker 2: as you said, Jess, disrespectful of the boundaries that had
28:37
Speaker 2: been set, but also like, whoa are you stuck in
28:40
Speaker 2: the stone age to think that that is something that
28:43
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty three women owe you. Yeah, she was pregnant,
28:46
Speaker 2: so she couldn't have sex with me. That's why I
28:48
Speaker 2: was naughty.
28:49
Speaker 5: You can't get a free lease on life because your
28:51
Speaker 5: wife's pregnantly.
28:53
Speaker 2: After her like exactly true.
28:56
Speaker 5: That's not a heart, that's not a hard whole pass
28:58
Speaker 5: for you to be like, Ah, she could, and you.
29:00
Speaker 2: Know she couldn't. I need sort it out myself, and
29:03
Speaker 2: I did, and now she's mad at me, and I
29:05
Speaker 2: can't believe it, Like, oh, disgusting. That is really disgusting,
29:10
Speaker 2: and he would have something to say about that. Clementine Ford,
29:13
Speaker 2: she would, she would. I want her opinion right here.
29:17
Speaker 2: I'm going I'm gonna call her. I'm calling her clem
29:19
Speaker 2: watch out. But honestly, I think this whole thing, I
29:22
Speaker 2: guess to sum it up, gives me the ick because,
29:25
Speaker 2: as you said, Jess, it's disrespecting the boundaries that were set.
29:29
Speaker 2: And obviously there are other financial needs, like if it's
29:32
Speaker 2: one hundred and fifty bucks, that's a lot of money.
29:34
Speaker 2: And I mean, as we said before, might not be
29:36
Speaker 2: a lot to somebody, but might be heaps to somebody else.
29:39
Speaker 2: I think it's really important to really distill it down.
29:42
Speaker 2: It's not you know, let's put aside all of the
29:44
Speaker 2: misogynistic conversation. But I think to distill it down, this
29:49
Speaker 2: family has a budget, and he is not allocating finances
29:53
Speaker 2: in line with their shared values and taking advantage of
29:57
Speaker 2: that and then overstepping boundaries that were set. That's disrespectful
30:00
Speaker 2: and we need to deal with that.
30:02
Speaker 5: What did the community have to say?
30:03
Speaker 2: All right? So the community were as spicy in their
30:06
Speaker 2: commentary as we were. Someone said the fact that he
30:09
Speaker 2: hid it is a red flag. Someone says that boy
30:12
Speaker 2: needs therapy. Stat I tried blind and optimism and I
30:16
Speaker 2: do not recommend. Someone else said, I think it might
30:20
Speaker 2: be a sign that there's something in the relationship he
30:22
Speaker 2: needs that maybe isn't being met. And that response gives
30:25
Speaker 2: me the hebgbis because that is never the answer, like, oh,
30:29
Speaker 2: his needs weren't being met in the relationships, so he
30:32
Speaker 2: turns to only fans and you know, spending money, not
30:36
Speaker 2: on our bait. No, not a response. Someone else said,
30:40
Speaker 2: not acceptable. Amen, good. Someone said, pawn slash onlyfan addictions
30:45
Speaker 2: are a real thing. But the huge red flag is
30:47
Speaker 2: it being prioritized over other things for your baby. Maybe
30:51
Speaker 2: consider how you'll feel if this continues in one, two, five,
30:54
Speaker 2: or maybe even ten years. As a child with a
30:57
Speaker 2: dad who has a gambling addiction, it hurt our family
31:00
Speaker 2: for years and the impacts are internal and I'm still
31:03
Speaker 2: working through them today. So I think that's that's a
31:06
Speaker 2: good point. Someone else said, he blatantly disrespected you and
31:10
Speaker 2: your child. I would not remain in a relationship with him.
31:14
Speaker 2: Someone else ash says no, full stop. Someone says, yep,
31:23
Speaker 2: I've been through this exact thing. I forgave him, but
31:26
Speaker 2: then found out much later he had a separate bank
31:28
Speaker 2: account for his only fans, and that was just the
31:30
Speaker 2: tip of the iceberg.
31:32
Speaker 5: Oh my god, dying.
31:35
Speaker 2: I know if you could just DM me that that
31:37
Speaker 2: would be great. Someone said, binning is simplifying a situation
31:42
Speaker 2: that's actually quite complex. We need to understand what's driving it.
31:46
Speaker 5: I feel like that's a fair thing going. That's yeah, I.
31:49
Speaker 2: Think that's really adult, But like I'm not really adult,
31:52
Speaker 2: and if somebody is being treated like trash by somebody else,
31:56
Speaker 2: I'm very likely to be like, put them in the bin.
31:58
Speaker 2: You deserve better, my friend. The amount of red flag
32:02
Speaker 2: emojis that have been sent and the amount of times
32:04
Speaker 2: people have said boy bye, I think is that. But
32:07
Speaker 2: I think it's really interesting as well. And I mean
32:09
Speaker 2: to wrap it and just to remind people that we're
32:11
Speaker 2: not against only fans, we're against the situation of dishonesty.
32:15
Speaker 2: Is Someone said, genuinely, OnlyFans isn't a problem at all.
32:17
Speaker 2: The problem is that he's hiding it from you and
32:19
Speaker 2: disrespecting your wants. And I think that that's probably a
32:22
Speaker 2: really good place to leave it. Because we could go
32:24
Speaker 2: on and on and on about it, and we're probably
32:26
Speaker 2: going to go on and on and on about it
32:27
Speaker 2: once we stop recording. The other thing I want to
32:30
Speaker 2: put in here is like, obviously we've had I would
32:32
Speaker 2: hope a well rounded conversation here about this topic, but
32:36
Speaker 2: this isn't the court of public opinion, and I would
32:38
Speaker 2: actually suggest getting some professional help on this topic because
32:42
Speaker 2: I think that, as everybody else has been saying, there's
32:44
Speaker 2: something else that's underlying this, and whether that is disrespect
32:48
Speaker 2: or him not understanding, or something else going on, I
32:52
Speaker 2: think some professional help, not just She's on the Money
32:55
Speaker 2: commenting on your relationship saying boy bye, is absolutely needed,
32:59
Speaker 2: and I think with that we can wrap the show.
33:02
Speaker 2: Guys amensis Amen, all right? Well, as always, we'll see
33:06
Speaker 2: you next week. Guys, have a good weekend byorye bye.
33:15
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