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The Real Truth About Parenting & Growth with Marcella Hill |293 · Bomb Life

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't do it, if we're not showing them like who else is going to, this is never going to stop, it's never going to get changed.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is like one of the biggest things that I talk about and I'm constantly telling my clients this of like, you know, if you don't change with like your health and your fitness and your mindset around that and start improving yourself loving yourself confidence, how in the world do you think that you're going to show your kid to love themselves when you're struggling with that too have some growth to teach them how to have some growth.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you want your kid to listen to you and respect you and look up to you, you need to be a person that you listen to, respect and look up to as well.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is it just about workouts.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the Bomb Life podcast.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am Melissa Volga, you're host.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the show.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you are new to this podcast, and this is episode that you have fallen on or someone passed on to you or you saw it on social media.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is a great episode to be on.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to invite you to go back and listen to all of the episodes though.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's just so much in this podcast.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not about like I say in the intro.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just about like working out in nutrition and stuff.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every topic of life affects your fitness journey and this is just another topic and today's episode is another thing that that impacts that and if you're returning listener welcome back I love hearing from you guys I've been putting it out there more in each episode of like right?
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know the show, tell me what you like, tell me what you don't like, and we've been getting so much of that.
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of you DM me, which I'm totally fine with, because I'm on top of my DMs emails kind of get lost, but if you want to contribute right into the show, tell us topic, tell us what you're looking for, do it email me.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's Melissa Vocal, ITS.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: vocal, V-O-G-E-L at gmail.com, or you can DM me on Instagram, you can try me on TikTok, you can find me on Facebook, it's Melissa Volko, and I love hearing from you guys, and I said in a couple episodes ago that I was going to have my dear friend Marcella Hill back on, and everyone was like, yes, please do one of her episodes is going on or right now.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening to this,
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: in live and real time and that was a couple of weeks ago.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the real and raw conversations that me and this woman have, it's I love it because I don't know how many people are having these conversations.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how many people are having like just the real talk and being honest out there and I love that this podcast is a platform for us to do that.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I also love how many guys are tuning in.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys know that several months ago we changed over from the bomb,
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys are like, everyone, you're male, you're female, you're younger, you're older, you're mid-life, you're 30s, you're 60s, you're, it's just crazy how much we have grown and how much our audience is grown, we're like, okay, yeah, we've got to expand and I know sometimes
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Some of the topics are totally, I don't know, more geared towards women, right?
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're a dude listening, like, keep listening because the more we talk about this in the episode too, the more you educate yourself on the opposite sex.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I will have episodes coming up that are just for men too, and like about men's health, and, you know, penises and sex and erection and all that, because the more we know about the opposite sex, the healthier relationship is going to be with your significant.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: other with your daughter with your parents like whatever you're going to have a better understanding and that makes for better communication and love and understanding and empathy.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So don't ever hesitate if you hear an episode that it's like oh god she said the word hormones you know we're like I don't know something feminine or girly I don't know keep listening I would encourage you to keep listening because like you know that's hot that's hot that a guy will
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: wants to learn more about women.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, when guys just educate the fellas, it's just sexy.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But we have Marcella Hill back on today.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she is my dear friend.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys know this.
• 4:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we are having raw and real conversations about how to talk to the younger people in your life.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: The teenagers, your children.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, it doesn't matter if they're 5, 11, or 20, or 25, it doesn't matter.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: The focus is on improving you.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you can improve your conversation
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what?
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: She looked like a badass in the eyes of your kids, dude.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: They will come to you and listen to you for everything.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: But do they look at you and they don't take you serious?
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a problem.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And Marcel and I dive into this.
• 4:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And how important it is to find your magic.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And and
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: become unstoppable yourself because then all your parenting questions they don't all get answered but man do a lot of that when you have an understanding so this is just it's such a good conversation i'm gonna encourage you to listen all the way to the end her and i get going and we talk and i'm like oh my god it's been over an hour but we just flow we we just work now this is gonna lead me into something else and i'm gonna put the link to this in the show notes
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Last February, I went on a retreat with Marcella, and she did the Wake Her Up Retreat.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now this, sorry, but this is just for the ladies.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I went on this retreat, and her and I talked about this.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, like, have we ever done a podcast just on that retreat?
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think we have.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I talked about it when I came back.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you go to episodes around, you know, end of February, January, you'll hear me talk about this retreat, but it's the Wake Her Up Retreat, and it's
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Fucking rocked my world and she encouraged me and was like she didn't let up on me And I'm so glad she didn't she's like just get on the plane.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, what am I going to do?
• 5:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: What am I doing?
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: What am I in charge of?
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like what's happening?
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there a gym?
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, no, you're going to come and rest for four days.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like ugh
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh god, rest, like, really?
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she stayed on top of me.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, hey, did you make a decision?
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, what's going on?
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, are you coming?
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, oh my god, like, the anxiety because I hate planning ahead.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, as much as I'm a planner, I hate booking plane tickets because then it's like, oh fuck, here we go.
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like doing this.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hate making like plans way in advance.
• 6:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like a daily planner, a weekly planner.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: But man, you have me commit to something in like six months of my call, my god, I'm sweating.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that alone scared me and I think she was messaging me like January and this retreat was in February.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like still, we're cutting it close, we're cutting it close, but she's like just get on the plane.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just get on the plane and get here and trust me.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like fuck, this is a crazy trust fall, isn't it?
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, it literally changed my life.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I can't believe how much I learned and discovered about myself, other women, like what I was exposed to.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It more cello was right.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's like, just get on the damn plane.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to change your life forever.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, holy shit.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she did.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, it's coming back.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be a part of it this time, more like a part of it.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we have some dates for you.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: February 19th through the 23rd, Mexico, be there.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Get booked.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if you need like a payment plan option, you're like, hey, I want to do this, but like, I need a payment plan option, message us.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, message me, let us know, we'll work with you.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: We only have room for 12 people.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you need to get your spot reserved now.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to tell you the same thing Marcelo told me, just get on the damn plane, just get on the damn plane.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I booked, I found a ticket for like $297.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was like
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So your whole retreat, when you pay for it, it will cover like your entire transportation to and from.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will cover your room, your food, all the activities, everything, and holy shit.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I talked with Marcelo after the podcast a little bit.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: What we have in store, oh my God, get on the damn plane.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, just get on the plane.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if you have questions about this or concerns, or like anything, reach out either to meet or to her, but we're doing this together.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it is going to be retreat that will take your life
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: and like doing good in your on one path and we're gonna flip it to a whole different direction in a beautiful way and you will never regret it.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You will never look back and be like man I shouldn't have done that.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So go to the show notes.
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna put the link in there for you to if she's just wanted like
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Click and register and be like, yes, I'm going.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm here.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to reserve my spot.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can get like a cheaper rate if you room with someone.
• 8:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can get your own room like whatever, which is let us know.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we are definitely here to help you.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I had to do the crazy trust fall with her.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I did and my life hasn't been the same.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: So check out the show notes.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do I need to do another intro for Marcella?
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, she's like amazing.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's the founder and CEO of Week Her Up.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a whole global movement of transforming how women experience in good life, bear metapause.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's a podcaster and a mom, an entrepreneur, like divorcee.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, she's just incredible.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And once you hear her magical voice and everything we talk about, you're like, yeah, that's why they're friends.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm gonna stop talking to you guys.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Go to the show notes, book a call with me.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Especially if you have questions about the retreat, book a call with me.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'll put my discovery call link in there and maybe we'll do what you're like, I just wanna talk about the retreat.
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Perfect, boom, let's do it.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm here to help.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, as always, rate and review this podcast, please, a few feel five stars as appropriate.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Put it down, but the rates and reviews do us so much and ever since trend's trend's trend platforms, we need as many as we can because you guys keep this show going.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, everyone, enjoy the show.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have my good friend, Marcella Hill back on.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome Marcella.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Things have me back.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna be here.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like we should have hit record when we were chatting before.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like everything we were saying about our weekend and stuff, we should have been recording.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe not all of it, but yeah.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: even at all of it.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of conversations and texts that go back and forth that we're like, this could never get out.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Never goes anywhere.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited for today because we kind of wrapped up.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you guys didn't catch our last episode, it wasn't last week's.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was the week before.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we were talking about like women's health and hormones and it was like such a good conversation.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: We got such a good
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: response with all that.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're still promoting it.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's still like going out and everything.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then we ended it because we didn't get to dive into like raising kids and teenagers.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, talking about hormones and all the stuff that not even necessarily hormones with them, but like how they're feeling and dealing with all of that.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do we parent through that stage while we're dealing with our own stage of adulthood and fitness journey and stuff.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, I think it's so wild that, you know, who we are in period of pause, metaphors, we're dealing with like massive hormonal shifts, while raising children, you know, going through massive hormonal shifts.
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if we could correlate the tool a little more intensively or intentionally, I think we could make more sense of each other.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we probably would be better parents if we made those correlations.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, for sure.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it still like boggles my mind at how many women don't understand their hormones or don't understand the shifts that happen in their 30s.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: People think like, oh, that's my 50s and 60s, but they don't even understand like ovulation in their power week and how that all happens.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And how man, if you understand that and then you can teach your teens going through that,
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: like there's so many times I look at my girls now and I would think that they're absolutely crazy or go, what's wrong with you?
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm like, hmm, I know where she's at in her cycle.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I never learned cycles thinking until after I had a hysterectomy.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so I was like, do I miss it, but I have an 11 year old and I'm like so excited to see I like you telling my whole family like we're all going to think like, are you talking about ready to like go on this total cycle style because I never got to do it and you should have someone on about cycles and getting I am no nothing.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am trying to figure that out.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's that's a great.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a great topic.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's true.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was talking to a dad the other day about this that this conversation about like really understanding his wife and hormones and like when you hear conversations like this don't be like, Oh, that's not a podcast episode for me because I'm like, the more you understand this, the more you can relate to the females in your lives and like in your life and not judge her or think her she's crazy because we're not crazy and your teens aren't like these psychotic teens.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: They are male and female.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like they're not just like losing their ship for no reason and they're unruly.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like no, there's a real thing going around and I think when we can have an understanding for it, it's gonna take away that label of psycho.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like so sick of people saying, oh, she's psycho, you're just psycho.
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like if I hear someone say that now, I've almost lose my shit.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like becoming a trigger word for me.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's so this whole conversation is so awesome because, you know, when I remember my little boy.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: He, I mean, he's just my little man.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: He loves me so much.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's always been my person.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when he was hitting what 13, 14, you know that.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: first side where they're like oh no he doesn't want me to hug him oh no he's pulling away or he's rolling his eyes or you know he thinks I'm stupid or he doesn't want to hang out with me I remember just starting to like get panicky like oh no I'm losing him I'm losing him and I remember telling a friend
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: like, that I was so sad that you don't want me to hug him anymore.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she said the exact right thing she said, Marcelo, he's doing it exactly right.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, well, what?
• 13:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, that kind of positively.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: She goes, no, this is age appropriate.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I will never forget that phrase.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Age appropriate.
• 13:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's supposed to
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: people grow up to be independent of their parents.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have to start not liking you.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: There has to be like a break.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: This relationship where they find themselves.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll never forget he was in the kitchen one day.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I went to hug him and he did the light push back.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But mom, right?
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And normally I would kind of got my feelings hurt.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, just been kind of sad about it.
• 14:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: and looks at him in kind of a different light, looks at him in that sense of, you're doing it.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look at you, oh, this gotta be scary for you too.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's like putting your blanky down for the first time, like, that's got a suck too for you.
• 14:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just looked at him and I said, hey, I just want you to know this, this whole, like, not liking me thing, this pushing me away, you're doing a good job.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're doing it exactly, right?
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what 14 year-old's do.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you just kind of looked at me like,
• 15:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the next day, guess who hugged his mom, and I think it's just, you know, if you can take the shame out of this transition, right?
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't realize he had been feeling shame about it.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was feeling just as uncomfortable, just as confused, just as sad, probably without knowing what was going on.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: All he knew was, oh, my mom is stupid.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now he didn't have his comfort and his safety anymore, but he didn't understand how to navigate that.
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as soon as I said, you're doing exactly right.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like the shame came down and we could move through it.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Aw, how many moms, seriously, and dads need to hear this.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, like, come to a place, need to hear it.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Kids, look at your team who feels crazy and lonely and out of their mind and weird in their body.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you just look at them and say, you're doing exactly right.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Being crazy and not liking me is exactly all this goes.
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited for you to go through this phase and here.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 16:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And no one talked about this before.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: No one talked about these stages and hormones and like feeling all these changes.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was just like
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: suck it up.
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, also it's just physical, right?
• 16:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, you're going to have your period.
• 16:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have body of your, you're going to grow breasts, men are going to start having facial hair.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to grow.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be growing pains.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's some ibuprofen, some deodorant, and some tampons.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, nobody talks about how the maneuvers really, like big feelings of like falling in love.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: wanting to have sexual chemistry with someone, not liking your parents, being independent, but not yet.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, nobody talks about the emotional transformation of it all.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, and it needs to be talked about so we don't, again, feel crazy and like we're losing it, you know, there's so many times where my daughter will come out to me and she's like, I just don't know why I'm crying.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you don't need to know, you know, but like let's talk about it.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, and I think there's a lot of kids that feel that way now and you know, what's face at the pandemic didn't help.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they feel these things and then they just go to their room and shut the door and like we never hear from them again.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, there'd be a raised by parents that also don't know how to feel feelings.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You were raised by parents that like feelings don't exist.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just want you to be happy.
• 17:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now we are just learning.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, just being happy is actually nothing.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: and bring me to learn how to feel feeling.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we're just learning and I think there's an opportunity here for us to learn with our children.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't need to figure it out first and then go teach them one of the things that I've done with my 11-year-old, which I love so much because again, I am learning this.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to feel like, let's just say sadness for instance.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I recognize that and so on a regular day when there's not big feelings, I will just pick a feeling and we'll just have a conversation of a breakfast and I'll just say, let's talk about sadness would a sadness feel like no, and we'll talk about what it feels like and what causes sadness, what types of events are sad because I think that can get confusing, right, maybe this is fear, but it's sadness, maybe this is sadness, but it's.
• 18:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: showing up as anxiety, right?
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: We talk about what is sadness and then we talk about what is a beautiful sad day.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like if you had your perfect sad day, what would that look like when she described watching movies and having blank ears and the same sad music and
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: eating cookies and just sitting on the couch and snuggling.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then she said something very profound and she goes, and then when I'm done being sad, I'll go outside and be with my friends.
• 18:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, yeah.
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, and what a great way for you to hear too of like taking note of like taking notes right out of my levity role.
• 19:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is how we do sadness.
• 19:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: We take bubble baths and we like lean all the way into it.
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just like really indulge.
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, have you ever heard that indulge in your sadness and indulge in your big feelings?
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, what if sadness is just as lovely as laughter?
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, we just want to be all in.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: It could be that, but for a lot of us, we're crying in the corner trying to quiet it up, closing the bathroom door, trying to hurry up the tears.
• 19:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's as fast as we can.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this is good at all.
• 19:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let anybody see.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I remember my friend, she passed away a little over here ago and I just.
• 19:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: had this deep sadness I had never experienced before.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this was in the midst of us talking about how to feel feelings.
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm over crying in my bedroom with the door shut and intention.
• 19:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is so hard for me to talk about.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember thinking, no sadness gets to exist in our home.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like we have to create space for feelings.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I had never just sat and watched me mom like just cry in the kitchen.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, that would been very scary.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought we're going to figure this out.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I took myself downstairs and I sat in my one of those big rocking chairs.
• 20:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've been out.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, rocking chairs.
• 20:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I got my blanket.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And my little girl said on the couch and I said.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I might cry.
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just really sad about my friends.
• 20:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just sat there and cried and she goes, of course, she would be sad and she came and just sat with me and I just let myself cry in front of her.
• 20:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it was really hard like crying right now.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it just, it felt very scary.
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you don't want your kids to feel big feelings that the problem is they are going to, whether we want them to or not, they are going to feel fulfilling.
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So which one is scarier?
• 20:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Them feeling big feelings and not knowing how and doing it silently in their room or,
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, driving or somewhere a far away or making space for it in your house where feelings are allowed big feelings big feelings like how many I think there's anger we're like you just take that upstairs and we don't want to see it right.
• 21:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean we've got to figure out how to allow for more than just happiness because there's a million more feelings to be felt and they're just feelings
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're just feelings.
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm into a whole thing that like, yeah, and that's life.
• 21:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is going to happen.
• 21:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, feeling like this is kind of the point of living.
• 21:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 21:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like that.
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes when I'm like, feeling, I don't know, like, doubt or frustration.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have this very specific image of my friend who has passed away.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's laying on her couch.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: She is on her deathbed.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: She cannot even communicate with
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: She couldn't even feel feelings like she's just not even participate in the world and no matter what feelings I have now, I think I am alive like this ability to feel fear and doubt and all the feelings anything right like
• 22:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: not wanting to get up in the morning.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is a feeling that says you're alive.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Really?
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you have the ability to feel that.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: The matter you're husband tells you, hey, I am alive enough to be mad about this thing.
• 22:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I can find this really deep gratitude for it because not everybody has the
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: the ability to feel those feelings.
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, just locked up in a bed somewhere in a hospital unable to even have those types of feelings.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you are so right and they'd give anything, you know, anything to express that again.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad that you brought that up about like sharing that and having that with your daughter because it makes me feel like not so horrible, but like my kids have seen me gone gone through it, go through a lot.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to just give up and surrender and not hide that from them.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I can remember there like several times that we said it dinner and I sat down and I was done making it and it was just me and my girls and it just hit me.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it was just something about sitting and being with them and I would just start sobbing and I'm like, I'm not going to go in my room.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to excuse myself like, look, I'm really sad.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what's happening, you know, kid level appropriate and and you guys know this and we would just cry together and they would just listen.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know, each of my girls is so different too.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So they each respond and react in a different way.
• 23:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could see anger stirring in one of them and just pure sadness and emotion in the other and then the others like plotting and figuring out like, and it was interesting.
• 23:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like, I just, I couldn't hide that from them.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think more lessons and growth came from that than anything else.
• 23:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So just shout out to anyone listening, going through hard things and you think you can protect your kids from it.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're doing it, you know, better by not sharing emotions with them and like hiding your tears.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, I don't know.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I question that.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, and it is scary is I am not scared right at it.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still find myself like locked in my room and I'm like sad, right, but sure we're just so we're not going to do it exactly right, but we got to start somewhere, right, like all this is 20 she never had a conversation about villains ever with me in her life, like we lived we do not know how to share feelings between the two of us, you know, and then I have a 17 year old we're better at it.
• 24:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are we're right there.
• 24:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are better at it.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then my luck rolled, you know, she's the one that's getting my full fledg like we are going to learn how to feel.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, not doing it exactly right, but I am doing it more than I was and I want to believe that that's something that that try and counts.
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It does count.
• 24:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: This kind of leads me into another topic I want to cover with you of like having those conversations around things before like the crisis hits, you know, be like like you're doing before the sadness hits.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about how we're going to deal with this, you know,
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: how do you handle that with your kids of like talking about, I mean, even with prior 11 year old of like maybe bullying inappropriate touch.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if that drug and alcohol conversations coming with her, but you know, each kid or your kids are at different stages and they're like almost at the same stages as mine.
• 25:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like we have to have these conversations going on before they happen.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do you approach that?
• 25:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh gosh, and this is so new for me because, okay, I mean, context, right, if you haven't heard me before, I grew up Mormon.
• 25:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So drugs and alcohol, just not a thing, or sex, like you just don't, like this is that no.
• 25:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so there isn't really like any conversation around it.
• 25:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a,
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hard, no.
• 25:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: That that's as much a conversation as there is.
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't do it.
• 25:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now that's not the conversation is because I mean, my my kids know that, you know, I will smoke some pots.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes my kids know we have alcohol in the house.
• 26:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I even talk about mushrooms.
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I run a freaking psychedelic retreat in Mexico.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Come on, right?
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's not a secret.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I told my kids totally what I did.
• 26:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also, you know, brand wrap for like sex toys.
• 26:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, I mean, right, we're living in a window, really, to bring firemen than what I grew up in.
• 26:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, there are these conversations that I find myself is still very uncomfortable.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: but amazed that they're even happening.
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about the drugs thing, right?
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for instance, if my older kids came to me and they're like, well, we kind of want to try that.
• 26:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or what, you know, are you okay if we do?
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a very blatantly open conversation about, well, this is what it feels like.
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what it's,
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: going to feel like this is what it's going to do.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is the things to be aware of, who are you with, what's your environment, you know, where of the energy you're in.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to know where you're getting it from, right?
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I would rather have the conversation around how to do it safely, than just say, don't do it.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because the reality is kids are going to do it.
• 27:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reality.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I'm not providing it.
• 27:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's that right, but there is this like beautiful conversation around respecting them as full humans where you're talking to them like a friend worth a responsibility.
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: and awareness.
• 27:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that actually takes like the curiosity out of it, right?
• 27:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 27:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Totally.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's so much better to be able to have a conversation when we're like, okay, if you're going to get high, fine, you could have lots of fun, but some things be aware of.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: One, you're too creative to get high every night because it's going to steal your creativity.
• 27:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: too.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find yourself wanting to get high every night, then you have other issues that we need to deal with because there's a reason why you're doing that.
• 27:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before you get high, you need to check in with yourself about your emotions.
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you sad?
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing this just for the hell of it?
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing it just for fun?
• 28:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or are you doing it because you have feelings that you don't want to feel?
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's that's not good.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to do it under those circumstances.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you with people that are safe?
• 28:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you with people that are also feeling feelings and don't want to feel feelings, right?
• 28:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a funny agreement where my son's like, well, I'm going to do it.
• 28:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do what we detect you and ask.
• 28:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, absolutely, yes.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he's like, I'm probably still going to do it.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, no, I'm not asking you to text me for permission.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking you to take a pause so that when you text me, this is what's going down.
• 28:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know that you kind of checked in with yourself enough to be aware who you're with, where, like, can you stay there for a while?
• 28:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you need to, you know, well, you need to get in a car, what's your impact?
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like you checked in with yourself enough to be able to make a conscious intentional decision.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's all, that's all I need you to tell me where you're at and
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: whether you do it or not, I mean, I'll still text you, please don't.
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, but not in the context that you're going to be in trouble if you do in the context of like, be aware, right, and I'm sure I'm sure what you're saying right now is just scaring the shit out of people because they have such a mentality of like, no, don't.
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: you're not 21 or you're not an adult or you're not this or whatever and you're like opening up doors and like saying things that they've never like thought of before but you're right they're going to freaking do it anyways like let's be real and if I think the more that we guide them around this and be honest with them with our own experiences and like you know like you said that all the checking in oh my god you're going to do so much more preventing than anything else and I'm always asking my kids the question of like why ask the same thing to my clients
• 29:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: too.
• 29:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, why would you want to drink right now?
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a Wednesday.
• 29:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, why would you want to have a shot of shots on Thursday or like more wine?
• 29:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm not judging you.
• 29:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just asking why.
• 29:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And with kids and teens, I mean, I keep saying kids, but like, if we're talking about this, they're almost adults, or they are adults.
• 30:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like you have to ask the same thing and if you're doing it just a fit in, man, we need to have a conversation about like self confidence and self love that because why is it so important to please them, then why is that more important than you being safe or, you know, not doing something stupid or opening pandora's backs to something really bad happening like that should be your priority versus just trying to please other people.
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 30:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it depends on, you know, this is such a hard conversation because I don't want to pretend like I know that this is the right thing to do.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is the right.
• 30:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we don't know if she's day to one of my particular kids, right?
• 30:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I guess that this would even been the right thing to say to myself, right?
• 30:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, right, we're up never touching alcohol and never touching drugs.
• 30:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm grateful that I never did.
• 30:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was just one of those kids.
• 30:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was never around it.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I never wanted to be around it and I was just taught that I would go to hell for it.
• 30:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I just didn't, right?
• 30:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was right for me, but I think you have to parent your child individually to that child.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in our school.
• 31:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So worried about being a good mom.
• 31:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: that being a good mom gets in the way of us being a good parent to that child.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We get in our own way because we're worried about what it will look like if they mess up, what people will think of us as a parent, if they mess up, we get literally the whole entire title of being a good mom in the way of actually being a good parent.
• 31:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: The reason why I feel like I've been able to be a better parent to my kids individually is because when my oldest was 15, she moved out.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: We never had a good relationship.
• 31:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: She moved out, lived with her dad, and it was dead the stating to me.
• 31:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really had to check myself because everything that I understood
• 31:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: of being a good mom was now not available.
• 32:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't track when she was on her phone.
• 32:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't tell her to turn the lights off.
• 32:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't tell her to clean her room.
• 32:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't, you know, I wasn't providing good food for her.
• 32:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't making sure she had clean clothes.
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like none of the good mom things were even in my realm anymore.
• 32:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had no idea how to show up as a parent when she wasn't in my house.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought that's a problem.
• 32:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I still exist as a whole human, as a good friend and a good support and a good cheerleader.
• 32:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I love people deeply.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, you're my friend from California.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we have had intense conversations getting through Trump very dramatic.
• 32:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It says, and I really had to check myself and realize, wait.
• 32:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why can't I be a good person for her in her life, even though I'm not giving her breakfast, and telling her when to turn her phone off.
• 32:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's a good point.
• 32:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 32:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I really, I had to completely, it's like my good mom box is blew up.
• 33:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I would say the way that I
• 33:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: showed up for her, honestly.
• 33:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: There were a lot of times where I thought if I was an outsider looking in, I'd be like, that's kind of a shit mom.
• 33:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I had to constantly stand on my own to feet and think, no, this is exactly right for her and me.
• 33:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I have to offer her.
• 33:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: This the best that I can do for her.
• 33:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times it went completely against what I would have thought
• 33:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: It, I think this is so relatable to for a lot of women, you know, even if their kid didn't move out or like whatever, like divorce parents go through this because everything you're saying, I feel you like when we separated and had two homes, I wasn't a mom in my world full-time anymore, right?
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I remember saying to people or my therapist, I was like, I don't know how to be a part-time mom.
• 34:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that verbage was so disgusting.
• 34:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you like, Melissa, why was you're not a part-time mom, but that's what we come out of my mouth.
• 34:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like that.
• 34:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 34:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I don't know how to give up time with them.
• 34:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to be a parent when they're over there.
• 34:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to learn so much about like, letting go.
• 34:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: and I can't control what's going on over there anymore.
• 34:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can only control my own home, my own environment when they're with me and like that's okay.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay for him to be a parent now because you know what, I shouldn't have been a hundred percent full-time parent anyways, which two parents in the home.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's be real.
• 34:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, like now he has to take some of the, the, your brunt of parenting as it should be.
• 34:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It shouldn't have all fallen on me, which probably led us to our divorce anyways.
• 34:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know I know it did, you know, and me getting burnt out and just so many different things.
• 34:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, we can, we can relate to Marcel, even in just different ways and it's like,
• 35:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, there are so many other ways of being a good parent.
• 35:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So many, I mean, I remember when we first got divorced, you know, my little guy was, I don't know, six or seven, I don't know, and his dad showed him some scary movie, some stupid PG-13 scary as I had held movie, some superhero something, and it scared the shit out of him.
• 35:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember having like one try and have a conversation with my accident like,
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We cannot show him, it's just, look, have some discernment, right?
• 35:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then at the same time, realizing like, I can't control what he does over there.
• 35:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then having to have a conversation choosing or choosing to have a conversation with my little guy, or I was like, hey, you are going to be put in situations with friends with family with even me with me with your dad with uncle anybody on this earth, you're going to put in situations where they're going to show you things or talk about things or listen to things or have experiences.
• 36:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're, it's not going to feel good for you and your soul is going to be like, ah, we don't like this.
• 36:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about what to do when that happens.
• 36:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we would talk about how these are words, how to close our eyes, how to move out of the room, how to change the subject, how to like all these different, like,
• 36:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: coping mechanisms when you are somewhere you don't want to be.
• 36:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that it didn't matter.
• 36:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: If even if your mom or dad says, that's okay.
• 36:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't mean that it's actually okay for you, right?
• 36:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we actually had just had this conversation with my daughter and some of her friends were talking about like some show and who's allowed to watch it and who's not and I stood back and I was like just so you all know just because you're mom even if you're mom your own mom says you're allowed to watch this.
• 36:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: doesn't actually mean that it's good for you.
• 36:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like you're you might watch whatever it is like Wednesday or something, right?
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might your soul would be like, this is terrifying to me.
• 37:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, mom said I could.
• 37:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got to check in with yourself.
• 37:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, I think that came so early on with my kids.
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had too excited to have the control.
• 37:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what resulted is being able to raise children that had them could self-regulate.
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were checked in with themselves enough to be able to use their voice and speak up so that when I'm not there,
• 37:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 37:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just so much better.
• 37:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's so much more peace of mind.
• 37:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 37:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and that decisions when you're not there.
• 37:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
• 37:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that that goes into like the whole original question of like how do we have these like preventative type conversations with our children, you know, and that right there is it of like talking about these things and knowing and trusting your own gut and your own instinct.
• 37:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because life is going to throw so many different things that them in it, especially at this stage and getting approached by other people and what to do in situations.
• 38:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, my oldest is 20 now too, at which is so insane to say, I don't know why you're watching my god.
• 38:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why you're watching my god.
• 38:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why you're watching my god.
• 38:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what the hell?
• 38:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she's even in put in situations right now of just like, because she plays college ball and you can be 22, 23 on that team.
• 38:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
• 38:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, and what they're doing and she could do if she wanted to, it just doesn't feel right with her.
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what did I always tell you, you know, when you choose to be like a better or bigger person in your mind and you make different decisions and other people, you need to own them and know that when you do great things or make different choices that aren't with the flow, it's lonely at the top, you are probably going to be the only person making those choices even though everyone else is doing that.
• 38:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think the more we teach our kids and push that of like, it's okay to be the only one that's not doing this in certain situations.
• 39:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to go against the flow sometimes.
• 39:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's probably hard for you because you're like, man, I want to get to the flow with so many things growing up, Mormon.
• 39:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that was like a constant thing.
• 39:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, like the whole world that I mean, I was always on the outside, you know, I mean, that was the whole, that's the whole thing of Mormonism.
• 39:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
• 39:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not part of the world.
• 39:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're different.
• 39:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
• 39:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
• 39:28
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• 41:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: these conversations just like keep coming up.
• 41:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we just had homecoming.
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I like made a joke when I was like, don't go under the bleachers.
• 41:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't do bad things under there.
• 41:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was joking about it.
• 41:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, I was like, hey, you know, I'm trusting you.
• 41:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: If anything comes up, you call me, you text me, like no questions asked.
• 41:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to be safe and make good choices.
• 41:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, you know what I'm going to worry about?
• 41:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I know, but I'm just like still having the conversation before anything happens.
• 41:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, and it's not so, and then again, this is just for me and my, my children and you have to know your child, but for me to be able to have a conversation with my older children about like sex, let's say, you know, where you're I express them look when you choose to involve yourself in this way, I hope you take the opportunity to do it intentionally.
• 41:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that it's a special moment.
• 42:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you have thought it through.
• 42:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you have talked about it.
• 42:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope this is somebody you care about.
• 42:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's planned and beautiful and it is a big part, it will be a big part of your adult life.
• 42:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that it is because it is wonderful.
• 42:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And here are some things you need to know about bodies, you know, and this is how it works.
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And here is a condom and here, you know, here is this is birth control.
• 42:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And be able to have those conversations because my experience,
• 42:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: was always like, oops, yeah, that happened, we went far and now I'm full of shame and now I'm going to hell and I've ruined my life.
• 42:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, I have recognized that shame is the most destructive thing that any human can hold.
• 42:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is more destructive than alcohol, drugs, sex,
• 42:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: stealing it is it is the shame and when you take shame out of it then all of a sudden you can actually deal with the problems like your kids can call you and say okay well we did this thing and we didn't see it with protection so now with the hell we're going to do right instead of them
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: sitting in a room, going into a dark, dark hole of having nowhere to go, no one to talk to, and leaving that they are shit.
• 43:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is what is destroying people in general.
• 43:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 43:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I, for me, my number one overall thing is to raise children with zero shame.
• 43:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: mistakes and move through them and how to resolve problems.
• 43:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to create problems solvers that are shameless and they know they're a good human even if they make a mistake.
• 43:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: They know that they can create a solution even to some of the biggest problems because the truth is you and I both know people that got pregnant accidentally
• 44:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all know someone that oops, they got pregnant and life has a way of working out.
• 44:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
• 44:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It just does, but when kids don't know how to make a workout, that is when we are dealing with suicidal children.
• 44:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 44:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember having a conversation with the principal, and this is back many years ago.
• 44:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: My son and his friends got kicked out of a dance because the girls were wearing tank tops, and that is against the school code, right?
• 44:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the principal called me, and we were talking about this type of experience altercation thing that happened, and I laid in,
• 44:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: My goal is for my children to go to school and come home and have a complete sense of self worth and a you Telling my child that they are less valuable or they are offending someone because of their shoulders.
• 45:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is completely inappropriate to me so much more than their shoulders.
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we, I mean, I dug in.
• 45:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, absolutely not.
• 45:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is the freaking point of their shoulder showing?
• 45:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let that, I mean, I could go on and on.
• 45:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 45:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: They changed the dress code, because that person said, oh, that was like hell.
• 45:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, we are so beyond that kid's right now.
• 45:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, to feel good about who they are, how they express themselves so much more than worrying about their shoulder showing too much.
• 45:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's just where I've landed in all of this parenting stuff.
• 45:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: doing it without shame.
• 45:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And just the conversation and the education around it, that's where it's got to start.
• 45:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad you like you brought up like sex and everything too, because that's such a hot topic with parents and kids and they don't know how to do it and they don't know how to bring it up.
• 46:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's one of the conversations you need to have before it's even a topic.
• 46:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've said the same thing to my kids too of like, you know, at some point this is going to happen, but make sure, you know, when you can that it's because of this reason and that reason and it's not always going to be perfect, but like we can have a conversation around that and, you know, so many girls lose their virginity because they just did it for the guy.
• 46:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yep, they do have a conversation they really need to be having.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you have boys, you need to tell your boys, there is a statistic that less than 7% of women in college have an orgasm and that's complete bullshit.
• 46:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if your boys are going to go be sexually active, you best be telling them they need to worship this woman's body from head to fricking toe, no every belling whistle in her body
• 46:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: damn well taken care of.
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the conversation that I wish people would be having instead of like just don't do it Here's a damn condom.
• 47:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, tell them about how to pleasure somebody's body and take care of them and keep them safe and listen to them and pay attention and Go off cues and connection.
• 47:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, oh, it's just there's such a bigger conversation to be had here
• 47:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: and learn how to have pleasure from doing that.
• 47:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like everyone has to talk about consent and everything and what about like connection and orgasm and pleasure and like yeah, what about all of that?
• 47:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like this is something that keeps coming up.
• 47:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I started drinking and getting into
• 47:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: some substances.
• 47:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was really worried.
• 47:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I told my friend, I was like, it's just going to make it so my kids are just like running rampant.
• 47:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, you know, really alcoholics.
• 47:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: She goes, no, the fact that their mom is doing it makes it way less cool for them to go true.
• 47:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to think the same thing about sex.
• 47:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're like openly talking about sex, and I mean,
• 48:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, we're not sharing like your personal right, you know, with kids, but at the same time, like you're having open healthy conversations, it makes it way less than me.
• 48:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: My mom's doing it, too.
• 48:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, that, oh my god, it's so true.
• 48:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, I had, I've been having conversations more with my kids about this and like, you know, they're just like, you stop, you know, like sometimes, and it all, again, it all depends on the kid.
• 48:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, really think about it.
• 48:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if you don't understand what an orgasm is.
• 48:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you don't understand like pleasure,
• 48:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I brought this up with one of my daughter's friends because she's like, Oh my god mom so I'm so lost her virginity and I'm like, Oh shit now like did she tell her mom she's like, I don't know and she's like, I'm just telling you and I'm like, OK, do you really think she even understands what.
• 48:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: and orgasm is or pleasure like what she gets from that, and she's like, and then so that opened the door to a conversation.
• 49:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, because really think about it.
• 49:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: What was the only reason for doing it then?
• 49:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was for him.
• 49:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was off for him.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like that really made my older girl stop and just think.
• 49:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, if you start opening that can of worms now when you're young, I'm like, I only do this because it made them happy.
• 49:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You are in for a long life kid.
• 49:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You are in a world of hurt.
• 49:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're just trying to please others, you're doing something just to please others.
• 49:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And man, sex.
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, okay, this is the create and we can have a there's like whole podcast or the fact that we still use the phrase lost her virginity like we gave something up that alone is bullshit.
• 49:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do it just blew out of my mouth.
• 49:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know it just it still happens and you know even recognize it and women women don't even recognize how much value we are placing on like something being inserted through our body and then it said we're like a less value your man.
• 50:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're dirty.
• 50:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is he?
• 50:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that needs to be the, can you imagine if all boys everywhere had the conversation of making sure that like sex included like worshiping the woman's body?
• 50:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, but she was taking care of and also another conversation of like majority of women don't orgasm with just penetration.
• 50:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: They need like glitforal stimulation, toys, and that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
• 50:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think of how many men take offense when women want to introduce toys into that drone.
• 50:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can start with literally talking to our 18-19-year-olds that how women's body actually works.
• 50:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: We would end up with men that are less offended.
• 50:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: They understand women's bodies more women would be satisfied.
• 50:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sex wouldn't be a burden or a tour because men would know what the hell they were doing.
• 51:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Think of all the chemicals being produced in the world than in our brain, like the serotonin, the adorphans, and like we would have better humans.
• 51:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 51:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: My gosh.
• 51:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, we're like, we just want to be like, just don't do it.
• 51:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: right.
• 51:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean?
• 51:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just coming out of that.
• 51:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, this is a second conversation, but it comes with everything.
• 51:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It comes with feelings, right?
• 51:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want to be like, just don't feel sad.
• 51:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't feel it.
• 51:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just don't do drugs.
• 51:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just don't do any of those things, right?
• 51:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's not working.
• 51:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'd be a bigger comp.
• 51:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's just so much more to be had.
• 51:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know.
• 51:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know.
• 51:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it results in, I mean, now I can say a result in my children.
• 51:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: calling me like, yeah, in really intense situations.
• 51:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, where they don't know where else to go.
• 51:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: They, their friends, they have called me on behalf of their friends, because their friends can't call their parents, same girl, right?
• 52:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what a thousand percent rather be the parent that is giving these calls that I can help these kids.
• 52:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, rather than them going somewhere where they're not going to get the help, they're just going to get yelled at.
• 52:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 52:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we need to get the being a good parent out of the way.
• 52:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that's, I know, stick your thing and
• 52:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going, you're going to think I'm a bad parent, but I'm going to go do the ultimate bad parent thing.
• 52:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: My oldest Liz and Sweden, and she's like, hey, I want to go travel around and go to nightclubs.
• 52:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, how hell yeah.
• 52:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter and I have never really had a deep relationship, and now that she's on the other side of the world.
• 52:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do, you know, it's great.
• 52:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, thanks, thank you.
• 52:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I like that.
• 52:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be with her for 14 days, traveling around the world and we're going to feel feelings and we are going to laugh and we're going to drink and we are going to play and travel and lay on the beach in, I don't know, Croatia or wherever we get on the train.
• 53:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we're just going to go be magic.
• 53:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's absolutely incredible.
• 53:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sure there are people judging like, and me like, what?
• 53:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a way.
• 53:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I never did anything like this with my mom and I would have loved to.
• 53:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 53:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 53:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: You win it.
• 53:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I just think the more that we show our kids, how important it is for us to live life.
• 53:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Grow.
• 53:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do.
• 53:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Amazing things while we are your parent, especially when they're younger and they don't even have their own kids yet.
• 53:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like we're teaching them to live life like you don't have to wait for anything to go live your life.
• 53:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to wait for your kids to be a certain age.
• 53:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you don't have to wait for a certain event to happen or whatever or a divorce or a move or like you don't have to wait and you're doing it now with her while you're young while she's young like
• 54:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Fuck yeah, and I might not want my grandma just passed away and at the funeral, everyone just talked about how she gave her whole life just to serve her kids in literally and in their speaking they mentioned laundry how much laundry she did how much dishes how many meals she made that's like
• 54:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, if anyone mentions fucking laundry in my funeral, I will have failed miserably absolutely no God.
• 54:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And somebody asked her like, if there was anything that she regretted, or she wish she would have done differently.
• 54:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because the week before she passed, she said I would have had more fun.
• 54:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and the joke is that nobody in that room felt like they knew her.
• 54:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why?
• 54:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because she buried herself in chores.
• 54:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we live, it's not I think I know we live in a world where women
• 54:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: have become invisible.
• 54:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have built ourselves into this good mom, good wife box, and we as individuals of who we are, we don't exist.
• 55:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then what we're doing is we're turning around and we're teaching our children that when you're a mom and a wife, this is how it goes.
• 55:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just do the thing.
• 55:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we wonder why we live in a world with women non-existent.
• 55:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's going to be us.
• 55:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be through your roles that like we desperately miss the relationship.
• 55:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: We never even got with our mom because our moms were playing the role and we recognize that we have this whole thing missing.
• 55:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so instead of going and chasing the relationship with our mom, what we're going to do is we're going to turn around and have these relationships with our children.
• 55:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we are going to
• 55:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: amplify who we are.
• 55:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember, I think, did I tell you the story of like going to dance class on a Wednesday?
• 56:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think so.
• 56:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just all the story because I was really testing this of like it matters that who you are matters more than the tours.
• 56:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got to put my money rather than my mouth is, right?
• 56:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And my friend invited me to an adult hip hop class.
• 56:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not a Wednesday night and Wednesday nights or like crazy town over here.
• 56:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we've got all the activities, boards and everything.
• 56:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought this is going to be really inconvenient.
• 56:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Plus it's money.
• 56:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have.
• 56:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not really going to do anything with it.
• 56:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to go be a professional dancer.
• 56:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is just kind of extra and it's stupid.
• 56:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's really convenient.
• 56:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I was like, I've got to test my theory here.
• 56:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I go to this hip hop class.
• 56:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for the first couple weeks, it actually was incredibly inconvenient, and everyone was really not very happy or supportive about it, and I just stood my ground.
• 56:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I'm going to keep going.
• 56:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's going because it just lit my soul on fire.
• 56:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually, what happened is Wednesday night's mom would come home.
• 56:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: and what used to be a really boring, stressful Wednesday night of like throwing cereal at everyone and getting everyone to bed and just frustrating, regular Wednesday night, turned into people, the kids in my house, meaning like mom, you got to show us your dance.
• 57:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I would move the furniture, the living room, and then I would say,
• 57:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the whole house of you filled with joy and laughter and just brightness and aliveness and, you know, that I would take that over a regular good perfectly, you know, laid out bedtime any day.
• 57:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that matter that I did the thing that lit me up that mattered more than what being there for dinner time right God we need this message out so much like I'm so glad that we are talking about this and I hope you guys that are listening just this fuels and like lights like this fire under your ass somehow because this whole like day to day bullshit and like not living not exploring and I know people are listening going I don't have money to do that I know fine like we know that life to you know
• 58:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there has just got to be a way to, I don't know, tap into something somehow, manifest it, credit card.
• 58:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, like, I'm not telling you to get into that, but like, there's got to be a way at some point where you're like, no, fuck this, I am going to move forward with this.
• 58:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do this for me because we're not guaranteed tomorrow.
• 58:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, like, I mean, just listen to like what your kids want to listen to, all me Alexa, tell Alexa to listen to pull out dual.
• 58:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm told music, you like, you dance around the kitchen to your music.
• 58:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, take up space.
• 58:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, use yourself into your home.
• 58:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, really decorate with the colors that are, you might not even know what your favorite color is anymore.
• 58:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Figure it out.
• 58:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 58:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're like, start putting things on the wall that are you start.
• 58:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: infusing yourself into your life because it matters.
• 58:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: These kids are growing up with just a maid and some of their phone literally be replaced and they need you.
• 59:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 59:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean the whole like taglight of my book is if you think something's missing, it's probably you.
• 59:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Women are missing from themselves from their lives.
• 59:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's very buried under the good mom type.
• 59:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 59:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't do it, if we're not showing them, like who else is going to?
• 59:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is never going to stop.
• 59:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's never going to get changed.
• 59:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is like one of the biggest things that I talk about.
• 59:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm constantly telling my clients this of like, you know, if you don't change with like your health and your fitness and your mindset around that and start improving yourself loving yourself confidence,
• 59:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: How in the world do you think that you're going to show your kid to love themselves?
• 59:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you're struggling with that too, have some growth to teach them how to have some growth.
• 59:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you want your kid to listen to you and respect you and look up to you, you need to be a person that you listen to, respect and look up to as well.
• 59:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 59:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's so much easier to have teacher kids while you're learning, right?
• 59:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember, yes, through food addiction recovery, right?
• 1:00:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I recognized that I was a food addict.
• 1:00:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was just, my life was destroyed by just the addiction of food.
• 1:00:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was really worried that that was going to turn into,
• 1:00:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: like a complex, you know, like a healthy situation.
• 1:00:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: But be able to talk to my kids about what does that look like when anything takes over your brain and your life and this is what it feels like and this is how mom is working through it.
• 1:00:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, if I choose to...
• 1:00:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, when I go to the gym, I'm like, I just, I, you have garbage around it, right?
• 1:00:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're able to say, like, I feel good when I go to the gym.
• 1:00:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like how my muscles feel.
• 1:00:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like feeling strong.
• 1:00:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, oh, or today, like, really sucked.
• 1:00:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was just checking the box.
• 1:00:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: We could really hard work out.
• 1:00:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't want to do it.
• 1:00:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I went anyways.
• 1:00:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I went anyway.
• 1:00:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or all of the things, right?
• 1:00:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you could express all things.
• 1:00:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or I didn't feel like going today.
• 1:00:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't.
• 1:00:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't say anything about me.
• 1:00:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:00:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you can all of the things like you're just teaching them how to be a human feeling things, learning how to problem solve, learning how to love yourself, know, matter what, learning how to feel feelings and learning how to be disappointed in yourself, learning how to overcome.
• 1:01:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of life.
• 1:01:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like that's the problem.
• 1:01:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of one in art living life.
• 1:01:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 1:01:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like we're just kind of going through the motions and checking boxes is you got to get back into living.
• 1:01:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's why it's hard to parent because you're not actually in it.
• 1:01:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, right, you're not having your own challenges.
• 1:01:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not having your own feelings.
• 1:01:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're just there.
• 1:01:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yep, and for God out of their feelings, and then we're wondering, how do we teach our children to have these feelings?
• 1:01:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dude, you just like nailed it right there.
• 1:01:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like if there's anything you guys take away from this episode, it was that that is why you are struggling with things right there.
• 1:01:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It starts with that.
• 1:01:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think maybe that's why I maybe that's why this parenting thing has become so alive for me because I have become so alive.
• 1:02:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, right.
• 1:02:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm going to hear it for two weeks.
• 1:02:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've never left my family for 14 days, not ever in the history of being alive.
• 1:02:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And
• 1:02:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is bringing up a lot of conversations of like, I'm not going to clean the whole house.
• 1:02:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to prep all of the meal.
• 1:02:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: You guys, I've been doing this for three years.
• 1:02:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think you can figure it out and nobody will die.
• 1:02:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's a Walmart on the street.
• 1:02:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:02:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's bringing up those feelings, but also four days after I get back I'm turning around going to New York unapologetically, because mom's living, mom's living.
• 1:02:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what are we supposed to do?
• 1:02:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you have friends.
• 1:02:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go be with your friends.
• 1:02:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Plan, plan because the grandma.
• 1:02:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you do.
• 1:02:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there's another parent you.
• 1:02:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's other parents in this world.
• 1:02:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's other parents there, friends there, things.
• 1:02:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:03:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: how it's siding for our kids to be able to look forward to being a grown up.
• 1:03:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: My oldest or my son is graduating and I'm scared to keep saying how sad he has to not be in high school anymore and I was like, oh, you to us the way life is about to get.
• 1:03:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, oh, so good and so magical.
• 1:03:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that I would have said that five years ago.
• 1:03:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I would have been sad right along with the best parts of life or about it and, you know, like, absolutely not.
• 1:03:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, it's true things and travel and do all these things and write books that make music and, yeah, write TV shows and be on podcasts and you can do whatever that you want.
• 1:03:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 1:03:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that I just wanted to add in there that, you know, anyone listening and that we do a light of fire under their ass and they're like, Yeah, you don't shit.
• 1:03:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I should take that girl's trip or I should do that or I should invest, you know, in continuing to that, but there will be backlash, especially if you have been the mom, you have been to your children, their entire life, or you've played that role in your marriage, and now you're like changing things up.
• 1:04:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will get rocky.
• 1:04:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will get bumpy.
• 1:04:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like even my kids, you know,
• 1:04:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, they know me as a certain way.
• 1:04:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And over these last five years, I've been changing it up.
• 1:04:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I still still get backlash if I'm going away.
• 1:04:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even if it's a weekend, and I don't have my kids.
• 1:04:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like a weekend, they're still through their dad.
• 1:04:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone's got something to say about mom going away.
• 1:04:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what do you want me to do?
• 1:04:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sit here and just shrivel up and die.
• 1:04:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am going to live my life.
• 1:04:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to show you guys how to do that.
• 1:04:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, like so in the beginning of feels very selfish.
• 1:04:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, absolutely.
• 1:04:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're like bringing up like wounds that are like oh shit.
• 1:04:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, the beginning.
• 1:04:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I did it very well.
• 1:04:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, remember my little girl being pretty sick.
• 1:04:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: One time, and I was so hell bent on being an entrepreneur.
• 1:05:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was a little, it's probably two.
• 1:05:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was puking.
• 1:05:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I got to go be my business and see me.
• 1:05:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I had her nanny come over.
• 1:05:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was the time I let back.
• 1:05:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I didn't get that one right.
• 1:05:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get that one.
• 1:05:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we won't get it right.
• 1:05:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you won't get it right.
• 1:05:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I think the overall message here is that it's important that you exist.
• 1:05:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: as an individual big and lively to be able to show your kids how to actually live.
• 1:05:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it's so important, and you know now what's interesting is my son, so many lessons from him, but there was this moment where we were talking about like Mormonism and church and had to be happy and you know, no matter your religious beliefs, I think this is a really important message to show like how you live is louder than what we're teaching because he sat with me and he's like,
• 1:06:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: have a belief system inside if you still at this conversation is still very moment.
• 1:06:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, I am following all of the rules.
• 1:06:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am technically keeping all of the commandments that I believe in.
• 1:06:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you're breaking all of them.
• 1:06:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You speak you're breaking all of them.
• 1:06:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Technically you should be miserable.
• 1:06:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: You should not be this happy according to my belief system and look at you.
• 1:06:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look, he's like, look at you.
• 1:06:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're the happiest human I know.
• 1:06:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just go with the flow.
• 1:06:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of these magical things happen for you.
• 1:06:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: All this magic happens, all this success, people, friends, like your life is so big.
• 1:06:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, I go to bed every night, having kept the commandments.
• 1:06:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I am not going to, and then I should try harder.
• 1:06:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, yeah, he's like, so why?
• 1:06:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why is it like that?
• 1:06:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And all I said was, you're asking the right questions.
• 1:06:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep asking that.
• 1:06:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have to teach him anything.
• 1:06:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, I was like, just sitting at the curious about that.
• 1:07:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's interesting.
• 1:07:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to sit there and be like, because what you believe is true.
• 1:07:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm right.
• 1:07:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: You need to say that.
• 1:07:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because I don't shit.
• 1:07:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It hurts, right?
• 1:07:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I could have just been like, yeah, it's not that interesting.
• 1:07:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that word interesting is like the best parenting word and for.
• 1:07:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, good.
• 1:07:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was great.
• 1:07:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do.
• 1:07:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We saw one of just like give them the answer.
• 1:07:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: That the kids like just sit there.
• 1:07:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like isn't that interesting?
• 1:07:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Interesting.
• 1:07:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm curious.
• 1:07:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I love how you said.
• 1:07:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't like that.
• 1:07:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're asking the right questions.
• 1:07:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 1:07:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the right questions.
• 1:07:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:07:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and he did.
• 1:07:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: He did keep asking a question and a couple months later, I just tell you something shifted and he said we're talking about Mormon boys usually go on missions in their 18 and I was like, I'm going to hate that you're going to be gone out of mission and he's like, I don't think I'm going that was like, what?
• 1:07:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: What?
• 1:08:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, mom, I don't really tell you this, but I started trying to live like you do where you go with a flow and you don't judge what's happening and you appreciate everything that's coming to you and you allow life to just unfold and he's like, mom, my life.
• 1:08:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: has become so magical, like he got the girlfriend that we always would get.
• 1:08:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: He booked all these beautiful gigs.
• 1:08:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: He started two different bands, like it's just larger than life.
• 1:08:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: He goes, mom, me loving life, the way you have fallen in love with life has given me more than me praying or asking forgiveness for all the bad things I've done.
• 1:08:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said, so I tested it out and the way you live,
• 1:08:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: makes me way happier.
• 1:08:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now when we talk about living magical lives and now we talk about the magic of life and how to feel feelings and how to trust things and how to move things out of our way and how to manifest things into us.
• 1:08:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't believe how to judge and like get them a bug.
• 1:09:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
• 1:09:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to go to church.
• 1:09:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll learn these lessons.
• 1:09:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just lived.
• 1:09:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I nearly just lived.
• 1:09:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way that was working for me.
• 1:09:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: He got to pull whatever pieces
• 1:09:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: look at your dad, look at your mom, look at your teachers, look at your coaches, look at religion, pull what works for you.
• 1:09:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Gather.
• 1:09:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: How does it look like that guy over there?
• 1:09:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not right.
• 1:09:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what you must see on the other side.
• 1:09:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do a thing.
• 1:09:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: If more people lived into themselves and found themselves, we would teach our kids how to find themselves.
• 1:09:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 1:09:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
• 1:09:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just imagine like what an incredible like 30 year old man he's going to be.
• 1:09:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't think real life has hit him yet, but I mean, we're good enough to keep going with this.
• 1:09:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just always think about that though, like, if I wouldn't know in the lessons that I'm teaching my daughter's now, like, holy shit would my life have taken a different path.
• 1:09:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just keep pouring into them.
• 1:10:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, all the things that I wish I would have known, I'm going to show you this and all the mess ups and wins and I'm going to show you this.
• 1:10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I never used the word magical until like three years ago.
• 1:10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't even know what I'm about to do.
• 1:10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: If someone is like, I live a magical life.
• 1:10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would've been like, you must be famous and rich.
• 1:10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's, that's all the thoughts.
• 1:10:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I hate people as this like, be able to go with the flow and have people come in and out and opportunities come in and out.
• 1:10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't know and go to that hole and wake up hole.
• 1:10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know that.
• 1:10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: and more people in general need to know that so that we can show our kids what that looks like.
• 1:10:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: because that makes parenting a whole lot easier.
• 1:10:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, there'll always be ups and downs, but man does it get, the road just gets smoother.
• 1:10:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it just gets a lot smoother.
• 1:10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Most of us are parenting to like overcome our own trauma because we're not a man or a trauma and we're like parenting in a way to like, give fix things that weren't fixed before.
• 1:11:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, we need to be like whole people so that we can
• 1:11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Raise whole people.
• 1:11:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Raise whole people.
• 1:11:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 1:11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
• 1:11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: More so.
• 1:11:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: This isn't.
• 1:11:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's so much more to talk.
• 1:11:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's so much more.
• 1:11:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know there's people listening going like I've never used the word magical before.
• 1:11:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you start.
• 1:11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope people start starting.
• 1:11:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just I'm just I just did a really cool podcast on the wake up podcast.
• 1:11:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: with an author, Elizabeth Webb, who wrote a book called Made for Magic.
• 1:11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to send you a her book.
• 1:11:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: But wrote a book about how to create a magical life.
• 1:11:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 1:11:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: In depth about what that even means and how to get there.
• 1:11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what is that mean?
• 1:11:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then that launches this week.
• 1:11:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: So sweet.
• 1:11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 1:11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll put the link to your comments.
• 1:11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just like those.
• 1:11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we're going together.
• 1:11:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah.
• 1:11:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah.
• 1:11:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: jump on over.
• 1:11:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for coming on again today.
• 1:11:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
• 1:11:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think people got out of this business?
• 1:11:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: What did I do?
• 1:12:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So much.
• 1:12:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know when you get to, people don't realize this like when you get to the end of the podcast, you're like, what the fuck did we start talking about?
• 1:12:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, do we even talk about what we were talking about?
• 1:12:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, we did, we did.
• 1:12:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just a real conversation.
• 1:12:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: around parenthood and discovering yourself and your own magic, like, yeah, this was incredible.
• 1:12:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to say there are a few things that are very tangible that I think helped me find like a wholeness.
• 1:12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a book called The Power of Now.
• 1:12:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 1:12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: There is a book, Victor Frinkle Man Search for Meaning.
• 1:12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 1:12:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: The other one is the surrender experiment by Michael
• 1:12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there's another podcast that a woman named Tara Brock, it's just kind of like my daily scripture.
• 1:12:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that helps me drop into my body.
• 1:12:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Stay whole, don't get too far out in my head.
• 1:12:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So those are some four things that I think some real listeners could like start with where they're like, I don't even know.
• 1:13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I love that.
• 1:13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to get to center, you know, of myself.
• 1:13:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those would be a few things that I'd say start with that.
• 1:13:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perfect.
• 1:13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, that that's absolutely perfect because people do grasp.
• 1:13:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, like, okay, where can I start?
• 1:13:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: What can I do?
• 1:13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I listen to this podcast five years ago, I'd be like, I have no idea where I'm talking about.
• 1:13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, I don't even know where to be good.
• 1:13:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and just sitting down and talking with your kids, like, hey, no matter what their age, what's the greatest part of your day?
• 1:13:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: What was the most magical part of your day?
• 1:13:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, nothing.
• 1:13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: that is the kicker you have to start telling them what magic looks like or what yes dealing with hard things look like I remember losing a not losing my friend from death but losing a friend out of frustration and be able to talk to my kids about like so you're not going to see this friend anymore get some hard things happen
• 1:13:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mom is feeling feelings.
• 1:13:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm a look sad for a few days because I lost a friend, but now because they watched me lose a friend.
• 1:14:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: They know that when they lose friends.
• 1:14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: knows how to deal with that because I shared it with them.
• 1:14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so you have to instead of expecting your kids to just automatically know how to share about their day, you have to start sharing with them.
• 1:14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So they do know how to share about their day.
• 1:14:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yep, and then it gets you talking and getting out of your mouth of like, oh, this was I don't care your most magical part of your day was like, oh, I went to the gym.
• 1:14:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I crushed it or I actually survived.
• 1:14:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't die.
• 1:14:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I drank all my water today.
• 1:14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: There you go, mom.
• 1:14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no.
• 1:14:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was so magical.
• 1:14:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, talk to them and express things to them.
• 1:14:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, you can't have great conversations with your kids and a great relationship.
• 1:14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't start somewhere.
• 1:14:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and you can't handle it happens when you do that unless that when people start expressing even to the kids or to anybody like what piece of magical you start existing to yourself.
• 1:14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, like we feel so unseen because we don't see our self.
• 1:14:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it started expressing your day to your kids the way you would hope they would express it to you, right, you know, like, oh, even if it's like, like you said, even if it's like I didn't want to clean the house, but I did it anyway, this is how I got myself to do it.
• 1:15:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I turned on the a timer.
• 1:15:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I turned on my favorite music.
• 1:15:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I put my era paponi tail and I got it done, you know, practice like that's how I got myself to do things I didn't want to do it.
• 1:15:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I have to go do that because I'm leaving in 48 out.
• 1:15:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to say that I don't want to say that I don't want to say that I don't want to yes you do yes you do well thank you for taking time to come on again I can't wait to hear about your trip please share your location with me.
• 1:15:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's only like, so we're just going to check and see where she's at and who's okay.
• 1:15:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 1:15:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll tell you a question just for you.
• 1:15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 1:15:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 1:15:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks again for coming on.
• 1:15:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to have more conversations with you about magic and parenting and motherhood and all of the things.
• 1:15:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for being a friend.
• 1:15:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cast just about Mexico retreat one time.
• 1:16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't did we.
• 1:16:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now we never did.
• 1:16:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: We really should.
• 1:16:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: You did a real not that long ago, and you mentioned that people have like, we keep like sprinkling it in.
• 1:16:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know dive all in.
• 1:16:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're talking to like the girls on and we could all talk about it.
• 1:16:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a good idea.
• 1:16:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You talked about that to Mascol.
• 1:16:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is that what I'm saying?
• 1:16:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, tell me a scale ceremony.
• 1:16:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You did a real on it.
• 1:16:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You broke it down.
• 1:16:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, He's so true.
• 1:16:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was there that said, it's what happened.
• 1:16:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like jump to the next podcast episode with what's the little beyond magical Mexico.
• 1:16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we should.
• 1:16:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a really, really good idea.
• 1:16:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
• 1:16:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It would be like a whole series part of go.
• 1:16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know.
• 1:16:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's fine.
• 1:16:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's fine.
• 1:16:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: They love it.
• 1:16:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: They love it.
• 1:16:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I love it too.
• 1:16:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, friend, go pack for your trip and every magical day everyone have magical day everyone stay safe stay healthy until next time.
• 1:16:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
• 1:16:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: The content shared here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
• 1:17:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Always consult with a qualified professional before making any health fitness, financial, or legal decisions.
• 1:17:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
• 1:17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
• 1:17:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening!