Latest / Rooted & Real With Keenan / My Conversation w/ Coach Rob: Veteran Mental Health, Trauma, Resilience, Faith, and Finding Purpose

Transcript

My Conversation w/ Coach Rob: Veteran Mental Health, Trauma, Resilience, Faith, and Finding Purpose · Rooted & Real With Keenan

• Keenan: Alright. Coach Rob, thank you so much for here. I love the stuff that you put out ⁓ and anytime I have somebody come on I ask everyone the same question and I just ask everyone to share what is your story? Rob, how did you become who you are today and how did you develop your mission? And some people kind of start from the beginning. Some people give me the high points and low points. is strategically open ended. So like every good story, Coach Rob, how ⁓ you become who you are? Coach Rob: Well, in the beginning no. ⁓ I don't know if we have enough time for for my complete story, but let's see. You know, I joined the Navy ⁓ at twenty one years of age. I had got kicked out of college academically, ⁓ and all my scholarships. Yeah, I had ⁓ had a couple of sports scholarships and ⁓ went to a college where the ratio was two girls to every one guy, ⁓ and as can imagine Keenan: Hahaha. ⁓ my gosh. Nice. Coach Rob: My ⁓ my studies went elsewhere, which wasn't a very good thing. So as I got kicked out of college and I'm sitting at home doing nothing, my father, who ⁓ was a hard man or is a hard man, owned his own business and every day, literally every day at six AM, he would kick open my door to the point like in six months my door is broken, and he would say, Join the Navy. That's all he would say, and he'd walk out. So me being a a dum dumb and like, ⁓ I'm gonna show you dad. Keenan: Yeah. Wow. Coach Rob: I went down to the recruiter, not knowing anything, not knowing anybody or anyone that's been in the military, and I joined the United States Navy. I would do that for a total of 10 years. when I got out, like most veterans, ⁓ you kind of lose everything overnight, right? When you get out of the military, you lose your community, you lose your brotherhood, you lose your job. Like there's really nothing that can prepare you, ⁓ matter if you do three years, 10 years, or retire. Keenan: Ha ha. There you go. Coach Rob: for life after getting out, especially if you didn't know anything about finding a support system or looking for a support system. I did what most ⁓ members do. ⁓ just did the job I did in the military and that was law enforcement. So I was a military police officer. So I went into the government sector for Department of Defense. from there I went into ⁓ did for ⁓ four years. Then six years ⁓ worked for Veterans Affairs Police Department. between the military, ⁓ being a police officer, I stacked trauma on trauma on trauma, as you can imagine. ⁓ PTSD, depression, anxiety, anger issues, not to mention the ⁓ generational curse of my father who was an angry man and adopting all his mannerisms. I had a hard time. I I lost my way, I had Keenan: Sure, for sure. Coach Rob: you know, suicidal thoughts, ⁓ you know, I was hopeless. this would lead me to ⁓ destroy an 18-year marriage. So ⁓ married for 18 years, three kids, causing luckily no physical abuse, but causing emotional abuse and not how to regulate, not knowing how to control things and and deal with things and kind of get to the root of that darkness. after I had divorced Keenan: ⁓ my goodness. Coach Rob: ⁓ I met ⁓ another woman who is now my wife. We've been together 10 years. ⁓ we've been married for two now. I saw the same I was doing the same things, right? I was repeating the same cycle over and over again. And I knew that I really love this woman. I didn't want to lose her, that the things I was doing wasn't working, so I had to find way, right? I had to figure this out. And as I dwell ⁓ Keenan: Right. Yeah, absolutely. Coach Rob: dwelled down into deep into personal development and emotional regulation and trying therapy and getting medication and really deep diving into myself, not only did I find a better way of life, not only did I find healing, but that essentially is what made me coach Rob. The darkness, the pain, the the being at Rock Bottom more times than once. I knew that if I could just help one man not feel those things or not go through that or at least be a guide to them. then I did my job and and that's kind of essentially how Coach Rob was born. Keenan: for sure. did you, mean, so was it until your second wife that you realized, hey, like, I've got issues. Okay. So like kind of reflecting even on the past, like, I mean, was there anybody back then that would be like, at least speaking into your life saying, Rob, like you're acting. Coach Rob: ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Keenan: like angry like you're acting weird like was there anybody doing that back then and just pushed them away Coach Rob: Not really because, you know, most of my friends were cops and we were all angry. We were you know, or most of my friends who were cops were all veterans. We all went through the same thing and, you know, as a man, sometimes it's hard to drop that ego and admit that, hey, something's wrong with me, something's broken, is ⁓ that's just the way I am, or or that's who I am. And the the true difference was my ex wife now, don't get me wrong, I always tell everybody it was probably sixty percent my fault but forty percent her fault. ⁓ you know, it goes both ways. I didn't completely destroy the marriage just by myself. But my ex wife used to say, I can't help you and I don't know how to help you. My current wife has always said, Can I help you and how can I help you? So that support, those words, that shift right there, that has a lot of meaning and a lot of value when someone's spiraling out of control. Keenan: Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, even even your your current wife saying that it's like, I still hear the thought of like, I don't know how to help you, but I'm willing to step in and help how I can. Like, that's what I hear. ⁓ So do you think this what you experienced the military, even coming out of it is that would you say that's pretty common? Or were a special case? Or how would you say? How would you answer that? Coach Rob: Right, right. Exactly. You know, it's it's probably honestly fifty fifty, you know. The the military it's a rough life, right? ⁓ you know, it it depends on who you are as a person, it depends what you try to get out of the military. There's a lot of variables there. But I would say fifty percent of ⁓ people have some sort of something happened to them in the military that's not ⁓ nice or or very ⁓ You know, in my instance, I ⁓ Keenan: Okay, for sure. moving. Coach Rob: assaulted. I was physically abused ⁓ in the military because at the time I went in nineteen ninety seven it was I always tell everybody it was like being in jail. I went to this new place, the biggest dude was in charge. If you didn't do what he said, he beat the crap out of you. Like, yeah, it was like it it ⁓ was very frustrating a ⁓ place be and and honestly the whole reason why I went into law enforcement is to protect those that Keenan: Hmm. nice holy crap yeah Coach Rob: couldn't protect themselves. I had adopted this, you know, savior, superhero kind of mentality that wasn't gonna let other people be victims to this kind of thing that I saw and went through. Keenan: for sure. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, for sure. So I mean, would you say, I mean, you even mentioned there are guys around you kind of in the same boat. So it's not even really about like the community. It's about, like the quality of that community. It's kind of like, if we're all angry, and we're all acting a certain way, then it's like normal, then it almost seems like it would be somewhat normal. Coach Rob: Yeah, definitely. I mean, you know, when it comes to some mental health issues, especially in veterans and first responders, you have the the fear of repercussions if you tell somebody that you're not feeling well because, you know, you have a job, a serious job that you have to do and you think you're gonna be judged, then you feel you're gonna be judged by your peers. It's just it's very hard, even in today's age as mental health's becoming more prevalent, for first responders and veterans to step up and say, Look, I need help. Keenan: Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Do you think that do you think there's more it's more like a there's like a stigma like hey, if I need help, people look down on me or is it more like, hey, if I say I need help, something can happen with my career. So I'm not gonna just say anything about it. Or do think it's a little bit of both? ⁓ Sure. Coach Rob: I it's a little bit of both. Like I think we are getting, you know, better as the years go by and and begin twenty twenty six with mental health awareness and everything, but that stigma's still there and and we're still trying to break those generational curses of, you know, my father, I I'm for sure he probably has some sort of mental health issues, but he was just taught you just deal with it, you know, you don't do anything about it, you just go on day by day and and do what you have to do regardless of how you feel. So Keenan: Sure. Yeah, for sure. So do you think like, you know, if someone I mean, if someone's listening to this and they're thinking about the military or the Navy, is there like, is there like a caution to go into that? I don't want to say it's bad to do with the military, but is there like a hey, like this could happen to you going into it? Coach Rob: Look, at at the end of the day, I'm glad that everything happened to me. And if I could do it over again, I would go through all that pain all again because again, that that made me who I am. Like whether you believe in God or the universe or at that point in my life, everything that happened I needed to be who I am right now. And you know, I'm forty nine, it took like forty two years to to get out of this mental health hell. Keenan: Absolutely. Yeah. Coach Rob: And I probably had some underlining issues as a kid and as a teenager going into the military, but I needed that. My my biggest recommendation is if you want to go into the military, find a couple people that has actually done it and maybe spent some time in there in whatever branch you're looking for to and question them and ask them and pick their brain and have them tell you, you know, this is the good, this is the bad, because I I think the military is a wonderful place, ⁓ especially if you want Keenan: Absolutely. Coach Rob: college, you know, look, I'm considered a hundred percent disabled vet the things I went through I get compensated for. So like, you know, I try to take the the good with the bad. You know, I have health care when I need it, you know, I I have free mental health. There's a lot of benefits to being a veteran. So we can't just focus ⁓ ⁓ you know, this guy, everybody gets PTSD or everybody gets depression. We have to focus on the good as well. Keenan: Right, it's more like, you know, focus on the good, focus on the whole picture. ⁓ It's something you said I want to ask about is, you know, asking really hard questions, like people that have been in the military. Is that like, how often would you say it's important to just have this curious mind of like, wanting to learn something or even just having questions? Coach Rob: Right. Keenan: even the military, just whatever you want to get into, like how important would you say that is? Just be curious. Coach Rob: I mean, for me I I say question everything. I don't I don't you know, a anything that I want to learn, whether you know, politics, religion, world things going on in the world, my own things that I'm trying to do, a curious mind, like you have to. You c you can't if you're set in your ways and and you're only stuck on one thing, you're limited. ⁓ you know, objectively we wanna be limitless. So having curiosity, yeah, definitely. Like if Keenan: Sure, absolutely. I knew it. Right. Coach Rob: The only thing I guess if I could do it all over again, I would have found someone that's been in the military so they could have gave me a little more guidance. Keenan: Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah. I mean, even the people that I know that have been in the military have like, they've all just said, this was a great experience. I'm glad I did it. But they also have those stories too, of like just the really hard times that happened. And that's, you know, that's seemed, it seems to be just sort of part of it. Coach Rob: Right. Keenan: So, you know, someone's going through hard times and they're looking for you and they're sitting down with you and talking like, coach Rob, I'm just having a really hard time with my marriage, life. Like, what is your what is your strategy to just, you know, get to know what's going on or how would where would you start? ⁓ Coach Rob: ⁓ it just starts with having open conversation. Whoever I talk to, they just have to be completely honest with me. And there has to be some sort of you know, there's ⁓ a famous Navy SEAL named Jocko and he he wrote a book called Extreme Ownership. And you you just you have to have that extreme ownership. If you're messing up, then you have to admit you're messing up. You know, so whenever I talk to somebody or or mentor somebody, it's having that honest conversation and then I r operate off of three pillars, which is fitness, mindset, discipline. I believe that typically when I work with somebody, they're either lacking one or all three of those things. And if I can fine tune or fix those holes, that'll help them be, you know, better and and get to to where they need to be. I also think though, as men, like especially with the relationship issues, ⁓ Keenan: Sure. Yeah, for sure. Coach Rob: If it's not working, like I was the guy that I stayed with my ex for 18 years because I thought that was the right thing to do. And at the end of the day, it didn't matter if I was in the marriage for for three years or for eighteen year eighteen years, I still got divorced because I was miserable. So, you know, it's one of those things that it's hard when you have children and you want to be there for your kids, especially if you love your kids. Keenan: Mm. Coach Rob: But you owe yourself some happiness too and and kids are resilient and as long as you're in their lives, you can find a way to make it work. So I think it's just once again, you have to be a hundred percent honest with yourself first before you can decide to make a change. I had to admit I was broken. I had to admit I had issues. If I didn't admit that, I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now. Keenan: Right, so know, so did you have kids with your first? ⁓ Coach Rob: Yeah, I have three kids. ⁓ two of my kids are actually adults now. My ⁓ oldest daughter is ⁓ twenty eight, my son is about to turn twenty seven and then I have ⁓ a fourteen year old. Keenan: Okay. So I mean. I've actually had a lot of people come on that have been through divorce, both like being divorced and they were like kids other people that were, of their parents divorced. And so I'm curious, like you and your first wife got divorced, how was that conversation with your kids? Did you guys even talk about it with the kids? ⁓ How they? Coach Rob: Yeah, we did you know what's funny what's it's not funny, but what's weird is my kids at the time, they were, you know, fifteen, sixteen, sixteen, seventeen, so they're older and I thought they would take it easier. They took it harder than I feel if they would have been, you know, like six, seven, eight. My youngest at the time, he was like four years old, so he really didn't, you know, know much difference. But my older two took it very, very hard. Keenan: Really? Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. So when you say, I mean, I'm just so what I'm picturing is like you you're all like sitting down and you're talking to them like, hey, mom and dad are getting a divorce. did they ask a lot of questions? Were they more upset? Like kind of what's it like being a dad in that position? If you remember? Sure. Coach Rob: It hurts. I mean it it it it it hurts because you know you're you're ending somet I mean I ended something that went on for a a long, long time. And ⁓ for me, you know, in my situation I felt like I was the primary caregiver as far as spending time with the kids, cooking the kids, transporting them to school, you know, coaching sports, all that stuff, and now I'm exiting, you know, that relationship and what sucks is a lot of times Keenan: Long time. Yeah, man. Coach Rob: you know, it doesn't end amic amicably. And, you know, my ex-wife started trying to put, you know, things in their head and just causing chaos and and not realizing it was about the kids. And, you know, one of the discussions I have a lot, especially with with men going through relationships issues, is sometimes as a man, as a father, we have to let a lot of stuff go. We have to drop the ego and Keenan: Sure, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Coach Rob: I tell men, it's like it's not that you're losing, it's not that you're getting run over, it's not that you're weak. You're keeping the peace for the greater good. And if it's something that your ex partner does to you, but you're not interacting with that so you can protect your kids, then take that L because at the end of the day, that's that's what matters. So it's it's hard. I think it's really hard as a man and a man who has kids to go through a relationship breakup. Keenan: Right. Coach Rob: especially if the man, you know, wants to be in the child's lives. 'Cause a lot of times the the the partner makes it very hard. And I've had discussions a lot where I don't think it's right, but I've seen where women make it so hard for a man to see his kids that he just gives up. Keenan: Yeah, absolutely. mean, lot ⁓ different to go. But I am curious to know, like someone listening to this, ⁓ whether like a dad or they're their parents' divorce, like teenagers, like is something think that they need to hear? if divorce is on the table for their marriage right now. Coach Rob: I I think if you're to be a a child of divorce, just realize that obviously it's not your fault and it's never gonna be your fault. I mean, people drift apart, things happen, you know, especially if there's abuse or mental health issues or, you know, addiction in the relationship. Just know that if your parent loves you, that they're gonna be there for you at all costs and they're gonna fight for you to see you and spend time with you. ⁓ you know Keenan: percent. Coach Rob: Whatever parent you gravitate to, don't judge the other parent. You know, try to give both parents the benefit of the doubt because each parent's gonna have different parenting styles, especially when they become separated or or single. And as long as, you know, you're being told that you're loved and, you know, your best interests are in mind, you'll be okay. But obviously primarily it's not your fault. And for the person that is going through the divorce, Keenan: Absolutely. Yeah. Coach Rob: Be there for your kid. Like I can't stress enough and it it doesn't happen, but don't talk bad about the other parent in front of your kids. That's huge. there for your kids at all costs, no matter what, and tell them that you love them. Keenan: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, agree. That's huge. you it's it's something, know, I see I see couples as part of my job as a therapist. ⁓ And. You my hope is that with couples thinking about that, like we explore every option before that is an option. ⁓ And that's kind of what you're you're talking about is like, if we can end this ⁓ amicably and least speak respectfully in front of the kids, like we're setting them up well. ⁓ Coach Rob: Right. Definitely. Keenan: So yeah, for sure. you know, moving on from divorce, with your current wife now. And what would you say like, you know, in this second marriage, like, you've kind mentioned a little bit what the main differences were. What is like, how is that moving in a different direction? how do know this one's going to last? Coach Rob: It it's weird, but like I kind of feel once again that all this had to happen to me to prepare me to be with my current wife. Like she was in a seven year marriage at the time, ⁓ and and she wasn't you know, she was getting a divorce from her husband. it's just weird because ⁓ know we're like each other's person. Like the the you know, if any if everything is energy, like Keenan: for sure. Coach Rob: somehow like we're just we're interconnected. Like I can't tell you how many times we say the same thing exactly at the same time, or we're always laughing or giggling or playing with each other. We share the same, you know, experiences. I can honestly say with her, like I've felt like the kind of love that she gives me. And and for instance, she's actually overseas right now. ⁓ Keenan: Mm. Coach Rob: Our mother, her mother in her mother, my mother-in-law passed a couple months ago. as a dying wish, her father wanted to go on this trip to Europe to go to these areas from a show that they watched on Netflix, that he and his wife watched on Netflix. And she has to travel with him because he's too old to travel by himself. And just you know, overwhelming, I miss you, I love you, like I just wanna come home, I wanna be with you, even from simple things of Keenan: Yeah. Coach Rob: You know, you know you're in love when you've been together for ten years you know, she's a teacher, she's at school, and you get a text like, Hey, I'm thinking of you, or I've had a rough day and I just want to come home and see you. Like that's just it's love. It's just there. And it's it's things like I can clean the house and she'll come home and she'll be appreciative of it. Or I can cook dinner and she'll be appreciative of it, or she can cook dinner. It's when two people love each other and both people are giving Keenan: Hmm. Coach Rob: as much as they can to the other person without expecting anything in return, that's love. And that's what we have. Like I don't expect my wife to do anything and she doesn't expect me to do anything. We just willingly give ourselves freely to each other. Keenan: Yeah, for sure. So did you guys do any sort of like premarital counseling or marriage crap or what was that process like? Coach Rob: No, I mean we just took it slow. I I you know, I told her from ⁓ get go, I was like, look, no matter what, I'm gonna be a hundred percent honest with you from day one. ⁓ to the point where ⁓ the stuff that my ex would do or thinks she like, I don't believe you, and I would have like text I'd be like, here's the receipts. I'm telling you the truth. ⁓ so just ⁓ open and like she can go through my phone anytime. Keenan: There you go. ⁓ my gosh. Absolutely. Coach Rob: Like like I have there's nothing that I have secret or hidden or that I keep her from. You know, if I'm just completely honest, if I spend money and I wasn't supposed to, I mess up, I just own it. Look, babe, I messed up this month, I'm sorry. And she may get a little ticked off, but then we're fine. So I think it you know, where or counseling would have been great. We both experienced these total different personalities. her with her ex husband and me with my ex wife. And then we came together and and we both wanted the same things. And we both were seeking out the same things. So we were able to or are able to build, you know, a purposeful life together. Keenan: Yeah. Okay. So where does like this faith come to play in this or how does that, is that, how is that part of this? If it is. Coach Rob: I I mean a l a little bit. I'm you know, I'm spiritual, I believe in God, I've accepted Christ in my life. ⁓ I don't really practice religion that much, except for I do pray, you know, it seems like every five minutes occasionally. But once again, whether you believe in the God or universe or whatever, ⁓ do believe everything has happened for a reason, everything has happened to a point me and you know, my good friend We talk about all the time about when we take a loss or something bad happens, it's not why did this happen to me, it's what am I supposed to learn from this? And I think that just comes with age. It is as you get older, you know, you do get wiser and you realize, Man, I've taken a lot of losses but it was to bring me to a certain point or or get me to a certain thing or a certain person. So Keenan: Hmm Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So it's more like, I like that you said you're not like looking at why this is happening, but like, what can I learn from it? It's like, that's such an easy place to like get stuck. Cause even asking the why, like you're really not going to an answer because it could be a million things. Um, so, you know, moving from that, do you and your current wife, you guys have any children together? Coach Rob: Right. Right, right. No, no, ⁓ unfortunately, ⁓ she couldn't have kids, so she you know, she's considered the bonus mom to my kids. My kids do have a very amazing relationship with her, so you know I'm I'm lucky to ⁓ to have that. And she's been very integral in their lives and Stern and and all the things that a bonus mom should be, so Keenan: Awesome. Absolutely, for sure. you know, moving from marriage, which I could probably talk all day on, you became a coach Rob, you know, you're a men's coach, a speaker, and you have a podcast, the battle harder podcast. I'll put it in the description. So people can find you. How did all I mean, how did you even know this is what you were? gonna do or meant to do or you were built for this. Coach Rob: Honestly, I I didn't. just you know, I I've always been I a character or a public persona, so to speak, before there was Coach Rob. ⁓ I did ⁓ or done like a lot of ⁓ acting, T V acting. I was an athlete, you know, had no problem speaking in front of, you know, public and stuff like that. So it's always kinda followed me, but it just once again, like when I started my podcast, It was literally just me ranting and raving. Like it wasn't there was really no rhyme or reason to it. It was just like, I hate when people are at the dinner table with tablets. And I would, you know, or I would just I would speak on a topic and I would kind of just go off on it. And interesting enough, what happened is a guy that I never heard of from the UK is like, Hey, I like what you're talking about. You ever thought about having a guest? And he was my first guest. He was a author of ⁓ very many books. We had a great conversation. I was like, wait a minute. Keenan: Nice, I agree. ice. Coach Rob: You mean you're telling me I can let somebody else do the talking? Th this is better. So I started having guests. it just started to evolve into once again, I just so the mantra or new mantra of everything I do is no man fights alone. And it's just trying to build this brand, this brotherhood, this ⁓ empire that I want men to realize like it's okay to not be okay. Keenan: Yeah. Coach Rob: It doesn't make you weak. The Sloan Wolf mentality does not work. that we're stronger to be stronger together. And so that's kind of everything that's built in what I do these days. Keenan: Yeah, for sure. So I mean, you know, if someone thinking about that community, though having guys around them or just a group of men, I mean, in the beginning of your story, it's like you had a group of men around you. It just might not have given you the right. ⁓ and I'm in the right man. And so like, how would a guy, you know, so much there's so much loneliness out in the world right now, you know. Coach Rob: Been the right men. Right. Keenan: social media, COVID, probably could do a whole series on COVID, but like, you know, this loneliness, loss of connection is so prevalent in our community today. Like if a guy's hearing this and they're like, yeah, no duh, I don't need to, I shouldn't be alone. Like where heck would they even start? ⁓ Coach Rob: Yeah. Well, I I mean there's multiple ways, like for instance, if you're a gamer, say you like, you know, trading card games like Magic the Gathering Pokemon, find a local s find a local spot that does it and start entering tournament tournaments. I think the problem is this new generation that and the technology being there, we have to get back to the old ways. We're s just that stuck behind screens, you know? ⁓ but even Keenan: Yeah, for sure. rights for sure. Coach Rob: Even still, you know, I I'm a hardcore nerd, you know, you see all the Marble stuff in the background. I'm a hardcore gamer. I had a group of guys that we played Call of Duty together for years, and we're all 30, 40-year-old men, and you know, while we're playing the game, we're talking about life. And and we had that tribe, you know, mentality where a guy was in New York and a guy's in California, but we all have the same problems and we're able to share. Keenan: Yeah. Yeah. Coach Rob: that. You know, if you like fitness, if you're a gym guy, find your gym bro, find Facebook community groups. Like the social media to your advantage to find those groups, to find those people, but you have to get out there and have some form of human connection. So you know if you like to volunteer, find a group you can volunteer with. If if it's church, go to church. Like don't just stay behind the screen. Keenan: For sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Right. Yeah. And something I kind of heard you say, but I'm implying it's like, it's like just show up, you know, just show up, show up to the event and show up and just be present. You know, that can be, you know, I'm just imagining like walking into a room at this gaming event or, or magic, the gathering event. And it's like, you know, It can be so overwhelming with how many either how many people are in there or even the nerve wracking thing. You know, what would you say? I mean, obviously, there's no magic words, but I'm curious to know if someone actually said that to you like, that would that would drive me make me so nervous. Like, what would you think you would say? Or what do think that person needs to hear? Really? Coach Rob: Yeah, yeah. That they just need to take a deep breath and and you know, pause for a beat and realize that that's their people. Like you that's the thing, you know, when when you're in a community of whether you love cars or sports or fit, like those are your people. And everybody has gone through some sort of trauma or some sort of problem or some sort of issue in life. They're just like you. And until you ⁓ Keenan: Absolutely. Amen. Coach Rob: get over that stage right so to speak and and put yourself out there, nothing's gonna change. Keenan: Yeah, yeah, like you have to change something to you have to do something to change your circumstances. ⁓ So, ⁓ yeah. Coach Rob: And it's scary. Like it i it is scary to put yourself out there. I mean, I I I'm a forty nine year old man that, you know, has muscles and is all tatted up and I sometimes am very scared to go talk to people. So, you know, it it it happens to the best of us, but you just you have to take that chance because on the other side of that, I can't tell you in this day and age how huge networking is, you know, like our podcast Facebook group where now we're talking on a podcast, you know, and Keenan: sometimes I'm very scared to Absolutely. Coach Rob: It it's just networking so amazing to ⁓ you in front of all the people that you want to be around. Keenan: Yeah, absolutely. For sure. And you you just you never know your next best friend is going to be. Like it could be you may not have met them yet. ⁓ For sure. So, you know, the Battle Harder podcast, you know, how ⁓ how you say like if someone is like, want to check that out, like what would they expect kind of before they tuned in before they heard their first episode? Coach Rob: Yeah. Exactly. They're gonna get unfiltered raw stories of people from all walks alive, not just so I've had everywhere from, you know, Navy SEALs to veterans who had cancer and ran triathlons to who were left for dead to emotional e anybody that's faced some kind of real world adversity, that's the the place for them to go to realize that you're not alone. Keenan: Okay. Okay. Coach Rob: Whatever you're struggling with, whatever your darkest, deepest struggle is, I guarantee you there's probably someone that's been on my show that's gone through something similar or something that's comparable. Because half the time when I tell these stories and I talk to these people, I'm like, damn, my life's not it that bad because I didn't go through half of this stuff that, you know, these people have gone through. People that Keenan: Absolutely. Right. Coach Rob: were in the the entertainment industry and ended up frickin' becoming drug addicts and crashing their cars at eighty miles an hour and were left for dead like just crazy stuff that you're like, Wow, d like I can't believe you're still alive, but I'm thankful that, you know, you're here telling me your story, so Keenan: Yeah, for sure. you think that is important for people to hear is like, like if you are feeling bad about where you're at in life, and then you hear somebody else's story, you can kind of go, ⁓ man, my life really isn't that bad. Like compared to here. ⁓ Coach Rob: Definitely what so one of the first things that that helped me deal with my mental health issues was just practicing gratitude, right? And it it it was funny that I don't even remember, but I think I was doom scrolling or something, or I came across the reel and and the person's talking about practicing gratitude and I'm thinking, ⁓ this is some hokey, hippy dippy, you know, stuff. And at night I just started going to bed and saying, you know what? I'm thankful for my house, I'm thankful for my wife, I'm thankful for my dog. Keenan: Absolutely. Sure. Coach Rob: And then the next night, same thing. And next night, maybe change it up a little bit. And then the second thing I did every morning when I woke up, I was like, you know what? It's gonna be a good day. And those two things alone, completely just repeating them and repeating them and repeating them over and over again, helped shift my perspective. And then all of a sudden I have a neuroscientist on my show and he's like Keenan: Okay. Coach Rob: And I'm asking him, I'm like, if I tell myself I'm gonna have a good day, am I gonna have a good day? And he's like, absolutely. He's like, your subconscious doesn't know the difference. Like, how you speak to yourself speaks values. So definitely if you're feeling bad about yourself, if you can find just one tiny tiny sliver of something that's good in your life, your cat, your dog, if you like your job, whatever, and then you need some more help, go to the podcast and and hear some of these stories of these people that. you know, we're left for dead or we're stalked or we're abused or we're emotionally eating now they're doing big things. And and then I also have like coaches that do things that I do. ⁓ what's funny is, you know, as we talk, we all say the same thing. We just say it in a different kind of information. So Keenan: Yeah. For sure. Coach Rob: Maybe you don't like how Coach Rob talks about mindset, but I guarantee you someone on my show is gonna say something that you're gonna be like, ⁓ that makes sense. Keenan: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that like, just having like a, like a different perspective on different things in the world is huge. Yeah. And even just that, that little, you those gratitude moments, like, the way I heard you describe it, you weren't exactly like super excited to say you were thankful for your dog the first time you were just kind of like, right. Coach Rob: Definitely. yeah, just putting in emotion. You know, when I started telling myself I was gonna have a good day because of the mental health issues, the depression, anxiety, I would literally like be brushing my teeth and be like, It's gonna be a good day, it's gonna be a good day. I get in the car, it's gonna be a good day, it's gonna be a good day, someone cut me off, you know, and it just that's part of everything I teach is the repetition, right? It's the the discipline and the consistency because that's the only way we can, you know, get better. Keenan: Yes. Right. Yeah. So that's and that's something to to there's something there to that is like you're not exactly going to be sunshine and rainbows first time you do it. But if you can get in the repetition to keep it going that and just be that cognitive reframing piece and at how you're going to view the day is going to be huge. ⁓ Coach Rob: Definitely y you know, and I tell everybody this, like I still have bad days. I I have some da you know, when you have when you have clinical depression or bipolar or PTSD, it's not gonna go away and it's probably not gonna go away for the rest of my life and I've accepted that. But my goal is always to have more good days than bad and when I do have a s a super bad day or a super low day, having a support system like my wife to say, Okay, maybe you need to be left alone or you know Keenan: Sure, absolutely. for sure. Coach Rob: If I can, you know, pick up a video game for a little bit or go for a walk or and and that's kind of where like for me fitness is huge because when I go to the gym first thing in the morning, when when I build this framework discipline first thing in the morning and something bad happens, I'm slower to react to it than if something bad happens and I'm just snapping automatically. Keenan: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. So do you work out, would you say you work out like every day? Coach Rob: five usually five days, sometimes six days a week, but but mainly five days. I usually take two days off 'cause ⁓ as we get, you know, older we do need those rest days built in, so Keenan: For sure, for sure. So like, how important would you say like working out has played in your life, in your mental health? Like how important would you say that is? Coach Rob: ⁓ I mean it's it's paramount. ⁓ you know, any high performer a including, you know, Navy SEALs and and guys I've had on my show, and myself included, I have a framework where when I wake up, okay, I don't first of all, I don't touch my cell phone. Like I'll bring my cell phone with me and I use it for music in the gym, but I'm not on social media, I'm not checking emails, I'm not returning texts, because usually once you open up that app, that Instagram, that tick it's just, you know, doom and gloom. Keenan: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Coach Rob: So I'm going downstairs, I'm drinking a glass of water, I'm taking my pre-workout, I live in a townhouse, I have to walk my dogs, I take my dogs for a walk, head to the gym, get about an hour workout, come home, not until if unless I'm fasting, but not until after my first meal. That's when I start opening the emails. That's when I start getting into work. That's when I have that personal time built in for myself first. And now and I understand if people have jobs, maybe they can't do that. But if you can find a way to Keenan: Okay. Coach Rob: you know, get up thirty minutes early or forty minutes early and if you want to meditate or journal or work out, like build some sort of personal time, quiet time for yourself first. is huge. Like for me, like because I could like have a bad night's sleep and if or, you know, my ex could text me and and and set me off, but if I can go in the gym, for me that time I'm in the gym, like Keenan: even. Coach Rob: It's just I sometimes I feel literally feel like it's just me in there. Like I'm focused on lifting the weights. I'm focused on the exercises. I'm focused on the reps. I'm focused in on listening to the music that I like while I'm working out. And once I spend that energy, I don't have the energy to put into getting mad if someone cuts me off or if someone sends me a a rude text or you know, if a guest cancels on my show or whatever. Like the emotional regulation is so much better. Keenan: Yeah. So is there anything like, you know, in the moment, like let's say later in the day, something happens, mad, you get pissed off. Like what usually helps you, whether it's something you say to yourself, something you do, what usually helps you like regain your center or get back to normal? Coach Rob: So I created this this thing I call it stress versus like inconvenience stress, right? So if someone cuts me off, that's not really stress, it's just inconvenience. So before, where I would yell and scream, honk my horn, chase you, flip you off, possibly cause an accident for for what, I a breath, I take a beat, and I'm like, okay, you know, this person's in a rush, I don't know what's going on. Keenan: Yeah. Right. Coach Rob: Once the thing is we don't know what's going on in people's lives. We don't know, you know, if that person's going to the hospital because someone's, you know, about to die. Like we don't we just don't know. So if I can, you know, realize that and say, look, maybe they're just having a bad day. They didn't cause an accident. I'm okay. I'm still getting to where I need to go. Then once you get, like you said, reframing, reframing that. Keenan: Sure, yeah, for sure. Coach Rob: then yeah, I can be upset but I don't have to get pissed off or angry or, you know, lose my cool. So Keenan: Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're kind of looking at like the whole picture there. Like, okay, this guy might cut me off now. But like, what's going on behind the scenes? Yeah. For sure. Coach Rob: Right. And I I have to catch myself, like I I have to catch myself and you know, and and say, Okay, y and even and I check me and my buddy, we check ourselves, right? Like let's say there's someone in the gym and they don't put the weights back and like you're about to get mad and it's like Is it really affecting you though? We we let the small things affect us so much that it just spins us out of control. So I try not to worry about the small thing. Keenan: Okay. for sure. Don't sweat the small stuff. someone is listening this. You're a manly They ⁓ look at you, they're like, I can relate to Rob. I'm thinking about getting my own therapy, my own help, my own. ⁓ sort of whatever mentoring and they're on the fence about it. They're like maybe I should maybe I won't. What is something you think that they need to hear right now to kind of get them off the fence? Coach Rob: Just that one, obviously you're not alone. You know, that's why I have the mantra No Man Fights Alone. We we all go through issues, we all go through low points in our life, and you owe it to yourself to find what works for you. You know, I take medicine for my anxiety currently to be able to sleep at night. I still do talk therapy, ⁓ at a local vet center. the thing is, I think what people have to realize ⁓ they're trying to seek help. It's gonna be more than one thing, right? It's not gonna be just meds or just talk therapy. Like you have to start really deep within and and I would say, you know, focus on your physical, mental, and emotional health in totality. And when you start putting all those things together, then that's when you the real work happens. That's when you start seeing the change. Cause I have to do a little bit of everything. If I just said, ⁓ I'm just gonna take meds. Keenan: Right. Yeah. for sure. Coach Rob: I would probably still have issues. Or if I said, ⁓ I'm just going to use fitness or nutrition. No, I have to do it It's essentially like you have to look at our bodies and our person as like a a fine-tuned car, right? A sports car or a fine-tuned machine. You have to give it tune-ups, you have to do maintenance, you have to rotate the tires, you have to change the oil. if you don't, ⁓ system's just not going to work properly. Keenan: So, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so it's kind of like a bunch of things at once. ⁓ maybe it's a couple of things, but it seems to be like. Coach Rob: And you know, I would say find what works for you. Like, don't worry about what everybody else says. If medicine works for you, great. Stay on it until it doesn't work. And if it doesn't work, try something else. And keep trying, keep trying, keep trying, 'cause I said you watch yourself to to be the optimal version of yourself. Keenan: Absolutely, for sure. For sure. So like, you know, not saying millions of people are gonna hear this, maybe, maybe someday. But like, if like you had everybody in the world, president of the world was like, all right, coach Rob, you have one minute to tell everybody in the world what they need to hear, or what you think they need to hear. What do think you would say? Coach Rob: That's that's a tough I mean, I'd probably say a lot of stuff that would get me in trouble, honestly honestly. I I guess just going back to once again, like no matter man, woman, child you know, you're not alone. You're not alone ⁓ find, you know, your tribe, find your people that you can relate to and lean on them. Like we we have to get back to just being nice and kind and good and helping people. Like I just Keenan: Yes. Coach Rob: I just did a post about this today on my socials about don't be a D-word, you know, and talking about like just say excuse me and please and and you know, even today I went to Publix and the guy begging my groceries is disabled and the woman, you know, checking me out is older and I'm and I'm just talking to him like, how's your day today? And I, you know, username, how's your day, Helen? ⁓ it was better than yesterday. ⁓ I'm glad you're having a better day. And telling, you know, Marcus, the the disabled adult, hey, I really appreciate you bagging my groceries. Regardless of whether you think so or not, those things can speak volumes because once again, we don't know what somebody's going through. And that little bit of attention, that little microsecond of time with them, can make the difference. Like most people like see me as a big scary guy, but I'm the nicest man in the world and like I'm always trying to say, you know, good afternoon and use pleasantries and if I see someone that needs help and I can spare the time help them. That's that's how we make this a better place. Keenan: Absolutely. Coach Rob: Like we're so caught up in our own BS all day, every day that we forget about everybody else and then we look selfish. We look like an a-hole, we look like a bad person. Th it's bigger than us. Life in the world is bigger than us. So, you know, essentially that's that would be my presidential to the world speech, you know, for greater greater mankind, so to speak. Keenan: For sure, yeah. Be kind, respectful, understand the picture of what's going on. So ⁓ what some good books, ⁓ resources, someone wants to learn more about men's mental stuff that you do, stuff like that? Bam, there it is. ⁓ Coach Rob: Well, the Battleheart Podcast would be on the top top of my list. ⁓ but no, I have a mentor named Badrus Killian. ⁓ if you don't know who he is, look him up. he wrote a book called Man Up, which is phenomenal. this is a man that basically he ⁓ came a a communist country. his parents forced him into the US for his safety. He was physically abused, ⁓ or sexually abused as a child. Like he had all the adversity against him and He's pretty much a millionaire, lives a purposeful life. and I love hearing his story all the time. ⁓ another guy to ⁓ to is Angie Frisella. He's the owner and CO of First Form, but he's a personal development guru. ⁓ lots of knowledge. and th that like those are my top two guys right there. Man up is a phenomenal book, so Keenan: For sure, for sure. Well, OK, yeah, I'll definitely get those in there too. Thank you so much, Coach Rob, for being here and letting me ask you questions and just hang out and talking about some good stuff. So thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it. Coach Rob: ⁓ I love this stuff, man. No worries. Keenan: Yeah.