Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 34: Staying Present During the Holidays

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34: Staying Present During the Holidays · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

• 0:00
  Hey, as I normally do, I have a question for you.
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  How many of you are struggling staying present during the
• 0:08
  holiday season? I recognize you might be getting
• 0:10
  this podcast after the holidays are over, but how many of you,
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  if you reflect on how present am I, how connected do I feel to
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  those around me and to myself this season?
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  Let's talk about that a little bit today.
• 0:28
  Welcome to Beyond the Facade podcast.
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  I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and I'm thrilled to have you join me
• 0:32
  in the space today. What we're going to be doing is
• 0:34
  diving deep into the trials and triumphs and truths of seeking
• 0:38
  authenticity. Becoming your true self isn't
• 0:41
  about a single action or a moment.
• 0:43
  It's a relentless pursuit, a commitment to self that reveals
• 0:46
  the rich connection and meaning that our life has to offer.
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  So whether this is your first time tuning in or you're a
• 0:52
  regular listener, know this. What you're building here goes
• 0:55
  beyond a conversation. You're here to challenge, to
• 0:57
  change, and to celebrate the incredible journey of becoming
• 1:01
  your authentic self. Because when you dare to show up
• 1:03
  fully, the rewards are immeasurable.
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  So welcome to Beyond the Facade. Let's get started.
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  I've had the gift of being able to attend groups this week and
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  in past weeks of hearing people in the pain of the holiday
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  season. And there's so much good about
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  the holidays. I want to acknowledge I'm I
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  absolutely love the holiday season.
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  I'm a big Christmas guy. Like I love everything about
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  Christmas, the holidays, the decorations, all that kind of
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  stuff. But I also recognize it.
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  It brings its heaviness triggers just from the sense of the
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  overwhelm. And just wanted to take a moment
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  and just recognize this word presence.
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  And I'm not talking about the gift giving presents, but
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  there's just ability to be able to be present with self.
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  So in turn, I can be present with other people.
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  And as I'm, as I work with men, we talk a lot about somatic
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  healing and they give you a little bit of the definition of
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  of what somatic healing is. Somatic healing is a therapeutic
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  approach that connects the body and the mind and addresses
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  emotional trauma or physical trauma.
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  So when you can do that somatic healing, you can connect the
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  mind back with the body and we get a sense of connection again.
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  So trauma is stored in the body. So with addiction or compulsive
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  behavior, it often stems from some type of little T, big T
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  trauma. And I know that could be
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  triggering for people to hear like, OK, what is this root of
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  my compulsive behavior? And we just want to take a
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  second and realize that somatic healing is going to be a part of
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  the process. Being able to have awareness and
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  presence and be able to self regulate, That's the journey.
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  So what somatic healing is like body awareness, like being able
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  to focus on my breath, being able to understand how to
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  meditate, different grounding techniques.
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  These things are really important.
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  So I figured for today's podcast, it's going to be a
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  little bit shorter than normal. We could talk about staying
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  present during the holidays. And before I do that, I'm going
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  to do something I haven't done on a podcast before.
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  I'm going to invite those who are here that aren't driving
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  down the, you can typically do this driving down the road as
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  long as you got your eyes open. We're going to do a grounding
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  exercise. We're going to do a little bit
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  of a meditation. So if you wouldn't mind, let's
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  do this together. All right, so let's take a
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  moment here and I'm going to begin by telling you that it's
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  important for us to be able to step out of the fast-paced
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  rhythm of life and give ourselves permission to slow
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  down South. Life can be full of demands and
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  distractions, and sometimes we forget how important it is to
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  just like pause and breathe and reconnect with ourselves, hence
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  why we're here. So I'm going to give you a
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  guided meditation and it's an opportunity for you around
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  yourself and to be present inside your body and your
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  breaths and to let go of the noise for just a few moments
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  here. OK, so if you've done this a
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  lot, it'll you'll probably get a lot of comfort from it.
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  If you've never done a guided meditation before, then it might
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  be a little awkward. So just let it be what it is.
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  Begin by finding yourself a comfortable position.
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  Maybe you're sitting in a chair and with your feet on the floor
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  and your back supported and let's put your hands resting
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  gently on your lap or knees. So when you're ready, go ahead
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  and take 3 deep breaths. So just breathe in through your
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  nose, letting the air fill your lungs and then exhale through
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  your mouth. So as you breathe in, imagine
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  and you are taking some deep breaths and have it be that
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  fresh rejuvenating air. Fill your lungs with each
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  inhale. So as you breathe out, notice
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  how the muscles in your body soften and relax.
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  So let go of any tension that you're holding.
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  And with that third excel. So gently allow your eyes to
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  close again. Just close your eyes.
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  If you're in a safe environment, you can do.
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  If not, just find a spot that you can focus on gently and just
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  a soft gaze and just look there. So take a moment to fill the
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  weight of your body pressing down into the chair on the
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  floor, and notice the connection between your body and that
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  surface beneath you. So pause for a moment and bring
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  your attention to your breath. Notice the natural rhythm of
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  your breathing, so the movement of your the breaths in and out
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  of your body, in and out of your lungs.
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  So pay attention to where you feel the breath most clearly.
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  So is it in your chest where you feel like a giant gentle rise
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  and fall? You notice your chest expand and
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  then fall. Maybe notice this in your
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  stomach and your diaphragm as you expand and track with each
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  breath. Or maybe you notice it's in your
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  shoulders or in another area of your body.
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  Where do you notice the breathing?
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  There's no right or wrong place to notice your breath, just
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  observe it when it feels natural to you.
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  So just again, begin to notice the rhythm of your breath.
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  Is it fast or is it slow? Is it deeper?
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  Is it shallow? You don't need to change it,
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  just let it be all its natural flow.
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  And be kind to yourself. If you notice your mind's
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  wandering, if you're having a hard time being focused, it's
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  completely normal. So gently guide your attention
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  back to the sensation of your breath.
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  It's rising and it's falling, and as you do get distracted,
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  notice that's a normal part of meditation, that we don't need
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  to be rushed to chastise ourself because we're not meditating
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  correctly. Just bring your attention back
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  to the breath. Maybe if you find it
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  particularly hard to get to a place of being able to meditate,
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  you can start to count your breaths one at a time as you
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  breathe in and out. When you're ready, go ahead and
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  take two final deep breaths. Slowly bring your awareness back
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  to your body and the space around you and gently open your
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  eyes and return to the room and take a moment to reflect on this
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  meditation we've done together. And I want to just speak to
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  those who are in the journey of as you completed this
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  meditation. The meditation is such an
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  important part of the healing journey.
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  My own journey with like acting out behavior was I often found
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  myself solving my problems that weren't sexual at all sexually.
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  Masturbation, pornography, acting out with other people,
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  lust. It was all just a way to cope
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  with the hard. It was all a way to deal with
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  the fast-paced environment, the feelings of worthlessness, the
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  am I enough, the self esteem struggles, the oh, just so many
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  things. And so much of it didn't have
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  anything to do with sexuality, my sexual needs, but I tied all
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  of it in. And I just noticed that when
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  we've talked about this many times, but specifically in a
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  phase one content of of the Choose Recovery Services men's
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  programs, then we start to gain the tools of recovery.
• 9:02
  And the first stuff that we talked about is the dailies.
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  What do we do on a daily basis to keep ourselves sober
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  emotionally? And we talked about oxytocin,
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  dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin.
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  That desire for connection was a lot of my sexually acting out
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  behavior. I was searching so much for a
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  desire to fill connection. So just with the rest of our
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  time together today during this podcast, one talk about staying
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  present, staying present specifically during the holidays
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  because it's really fast-paced is like, why do we stay present
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  during the holidays? What's the why when I could
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  think like, OK, being present says I want to focus on my
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  relationships. I'd like to reduce the stress.
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  I'd like to create more meaningful memories and have it
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  not just be about maybe rituals, as in not rituals, traditions,
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  just tradition to do traditions around Christmas, but
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  acknowledge like some of the challenges that stay difficult
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  during this time of year. So distractions, unresolved
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  emotions, family dynamics, financial stress, so much,
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  right? We will see an influx of people
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  in January. This is like when everybody
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  starts to do the new routine. Like, I'm going to try again.
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  And that's wonderful and amazing.
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  But where does that stem from? It stems from going too hard and
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  too fast and forgetting what I actually value.
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  So let's understand what presence is.
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  First of all, it's define presence as being like fully
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  engaged and in the current moment, mind, body and emotions
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  connected. That's the purpose of the
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  meditation. That's the somatic healing.
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  So let me talk about challenges to presence.
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  Maybe just for me, maybe they can think about some of the ones
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  that I've heard you guys talk about over thinking about past
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  events or future worries like distractions during the
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  holidays, phones, TV, work, those things to help us avoid
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  discomfort, emotional triggers that are tied to family or
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  holidays expectations. So what tends to pull you out of
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  the moment during the holidays? What tends to get you out of
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  your routine? I can think of one that tends to
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  Get Me Out of is this. Usually I get sick during the
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  holidays and get, I don't know, it's like a Petri dish of a
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  house at our house. I get sick and that'll throw me
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  out of it. But there are some practical
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  tools to stay present during the holidays that I wanted to review
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  with you. First of all, we just did one
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  mindful breathing. So here's some exercises for you
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  to take into account. There's a simple breathing
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  exercise that I can give you, which is basically inhale for
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  four counts, hold for four counts, Excel for four counts.
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  So do that for two or two to three minutes.
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  So if you take your phone, set a reminder three times during the
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  day, maybe a mid morning, midday and an early evening breathing
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  exercise. Again, inhale for four counts,
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  hold for four counts, Excel for four counts.
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  OK, do that for two to three minutes.
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  Here's another one that can really help from a grounding
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  technique. Here's another tool for you to
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  stay present. We call it the 54321 grounding
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  exercise. So you might have done this with
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  me. So here's the one, I recognize
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  that you're going to be driving. And again, I think of those of
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  you who are listening to this after the holiday season, it's
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  OK. This doesn't need to be just a
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  holiday thing or if it's after Christmas, it's between New
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  Year's, whatever it might be still out.
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  Just work in some of the stuff into your process because it's
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  not like holidays. The only time that we need this
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  experience, 54321 is a name 5 things that you see.
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  Name 4 things that you can touch, three things you can
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  hear, two things that you can smell, one thing you can taste.
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  So 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, three
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  things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can
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  taste. So one at a time, that'll bring
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  you back to the present. Here's a third tool, setting a
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  daily intention. So I love this during the
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  morning, like during a morning routine, during some morning
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  self-care, set an intention. Today I'm going to actively
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  listen during conversations. Write down 1 interaction that
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  you have during the day. The 4th tool is like limiting
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  distractions. So go.
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  All right, here's the deal. I'm going to use screen time on
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  my phone. I'm going to set one where I'm
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  only going to have this much time available for me for phone
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  time. I'm going to plan on taking
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  breaks or where I can be quiet and reflect.
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  So limit distractions by noticing what the distractions
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  are. Last one, which I find to be the
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  most cheesy ever until I actually do it.
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  A picture of people judging me when I say that.
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  So tool, the 5th tool is that gratitude practice.
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  Share the power of gratitude and bringing awareness to the
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  present. So just taking time to reflect
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  and write. What am I grateful for?
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  And no expectations. It just changes everything for
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  you. Like it doesn't just go to a
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  place of like, OK, I'm better. Everything's fine, but that the
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  power of gratitude can bring so much awareness to the present.
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  It can start to change thoughts because remember, if you're
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  spinning and things seem heavy, it's all that is, is the
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  thoughts you're having. So you interject new thoughts,
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  new emotion will come from that. So I want to take, I just don't
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  want to forget the power of that.
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  I'm just going to invite you to grab some of that stuff.
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  Grab some of those ways. Think of ways right now.
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  You could stay present, challenge yourself, take a
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  moment to reflect and and then think about what you want to be
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  able to take out from this time in this season when you leave
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  it. So again, I just wanted to
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  create a short podcast for you today to recognize like being
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  present is the holiday season. What are the presents of the
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  holiday season? My gift to myself is to be
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  present with myself so I can in turn be present with other
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  people. So I just want to offer you some
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  words of encouragement for those who it feels really, really
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  heavy for right now. Maybe you're listening to this
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  after the holiday season. Maybe it wasn't what you wanted
• 15:27
  to be. Maybe you're at another rock
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  bottom and everything's over. There's money spent, there's
• 15:35
  fatigue at the end of the season.
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  Just sitting with yourself and knowing that you don't need to
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  be alone in this journey. And we're here to support you
• 15:45
  and help you. So anyway, want to acknowledge
• 15:50
  and appreciate you for showing up here.
• 15:52
  And if you're listening to this podcast, it means you are doing
• 15:56
  the work. It doesn't mean people need to
• 15:58
  give you credit for the work, but you can notice that for
• 16:00
  yourself. Anyway, I appreciate your time
• 16:04
  and take care of yourself. I want to speak to those who you
• 16:07
  feel like you're wearing a mask. Maybe that's coming up in your
• 16:10
  recovery. Just more awareness of the mask
• 16:12
  that you wear and you're really struggling to show your
• 16:15
  authentic self. Like if people saw me, they
• 16:18
  wouldn't be able to accept me. They wouldn't love.
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  So that vulnerability piece, either somebody saying, hey,
• 16:24
  you're not vulnerable enough or you're like, I'm struggling with
• 16:28
  vulnerability and finding that genuine connection specifically
• 16:32
  with people outside of your partner and your partner.
• 16:35
  If that resonates. I wanted to invite you to our
• 16:37
  unmasked intensive in Spanish Fork, UT.
• 16:41
  But it's a three day intensive and it's hosted by Choose
• 16:44
  Recovery services. This experience is designed to
• 16:48
  help men who are ready to step into self discovery and
• 16:52
  transformation. So during the intensive let you
• 16:54
  know what you're inexperience, you're going to connect with
• 16:56
  other men that are in similar places in your journey.
• 17:00
  You're going to explore the true meaning of what actually is
• 17:03
  integrity, that this isn't just an honesty thing, it's an
• 17:05
  integrity thing and remove the masks that you have on the maybe
• 17:10
  cultures society is placed on you.
• 17:12
  And you're going to gain a deeper understanding of how your
• 17:16
  family of origin impacts your thoughts and your actions today.
• 17:20
  And you're going to be able to start on the journey of healing
• 17:23
  some of those inner wounds from the past and how it's affecting
• 17:26
  your relationships today. So again, Spanish Fork, UT it's
• 17:29
  going to be January 15th through the 17th.
• 17:32
  Take some steps towards reclaiming that authentic self.
• 17:35
  And this is a huge investment in self when you recognize that.
• 17:38
  So if you want to learn more about it, you can go to
• 17:41
  truthrecoveryservices.com, but we'll put in the show notes more
• 17:44
  information. If you I've been considering
• 17:47
  this for a while, go ahead and make the jump.
• 17:49
  I'm be very excited to meet you and see you in person.
• 17:54
  Hi, guys, this is Laura with Choose Recovery Services.
• 17:57
  And I wanted to just let you know about an intensive that we
• 18:00
  have coming up in Spanish Fork, UT from January 22nd to the
• 18:04
  25th. This is an intensive that Hallie
• 18:06
  Roderick and I and Alana Gordon will be running together and
• 18:10
  it's the Revive and Thrive intensive.
• 18:13
  Something that Peter Levine says is that trauma is physical.
• 18:16
  And because trauma is physical, we need some physical component
• 18:20
  to that healing for it to move through our bodies.
• 18:24
  And that's what this intensive is aimed at.
• 18:26
  We have workshops, we have experiences, we have lots of
• 18:30
  tools that we'll be sharing on how to move trauma through your
• 18:33
  body in a physical, somatic way. We hope you can join us.
• 18:37
  And For more information, there will be a link in the show notes
• 18:41
  or you're welcome to visit chooserecoveryservices.com.
• 18:44
  Hope to see you there. Hey, thanks for joining us
• 18:49
  today. If this is something that you
• 18:50
  connected with, I'd love to meet with you more and talk about it.
• 18:54
  So what you can do is go to chooserecoveryservices.com or
• 18:57
  check the show notes and there what we can do is set up a quick
• 19:00
  conversation we need. Thanks so much for listening to
• 19:03
  Beyond the Facade where we unmask the authentic self.