Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 91: Manage Your Mouth:- you can tell the truth WITHOUT losing self-control

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Episode 91: Manage Your Mouth:- you can tell the truth WITHOUT losing self-control · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So join me, Jenna Zint, habit coach, teacher, and follower of Jesus as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Habit Lab.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I am Jenna Zint, and this is a podcast all about habits plus the Holy Spirit.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Which, if you listen to a few episodes, I think of habits like investments into your core value.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: When your calendar matches or how you give your time or spend your time matches what you say your priorities are, um that's like the sweet spot of a habit, in my opinion.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it's more than just I exercised for 15 minutes today.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um you're welcome for that free voice.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are new to the show, that is an accurate picture of what you can expect.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Random voices that come out of my ADHD self sporadically.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh before we begin, I'm in the middle of launching my summer course.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the reasons I watched I launched it was I had chronically with experience for summer.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'd start off like big hopes, like everyone have countdown towards summer break, but I wouldn't necessarily have it planned.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would, I knowed what my hope, my hopes would be like rest, adventure, memories, connection growth, but I wouldn't actually make the space to plan how I was going to live out those things.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like just kind of hoping it works.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And some would happen maybe up front at the beginning of the summer, but as summer slipped by, like those stayed as good intentions in my head versus actually manifesting, not the you know, but like actually producing fruit.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't they stayed as seed packets rather than actually going and putting them in the ground and watering them and nurturing them over time.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's essential that you have to turn your hopes into habits.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I made my setting up your summer mini course.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's$37.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: The link is in the bio.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I really it was I remember after I did this for my own summer and then I made it a course the next next summer.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because obviously I'm gonna test drive something before I sell it.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it I'm not kidding.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It went from like dread to of July, because again, June starts fun, you know, starts fun to then the countdown of school going back.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I remember the first year at the end of the summer, I literally was like, oh my gosh, I don't want school to go back.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, wow, the deeper awareness was I've never been at this spot before.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I never had felt like I was, you know, used all my fuel up mid-July, and then we were now counting down going back to school.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was like this shocking, like, I did not know that a little bit of forethought and planning could actually take those hopes and like see them bear beautiful fruit in a way that we were thriving.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I made this the course.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We've had a couple, I think a little over a hundred people have done it.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you I sent an email if you've bought it in the past to help give you easy access to find the link.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: This year I'm actually offering a little group coaching, two calls, 24 bucks.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Super, super way more fun to do it with people than by yourself.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you're like me, I am great about buying courses, not always great about getting past the first module.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want some accountability, that little grouping, uh, that group add-on package will probably be a great bit for bit for you.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Bit fit.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I today we are talking super simple.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've kind of been on a kick of naming episodes blatantly for what little phrases I've been working on myself.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this one is about managing your mouth.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love alliteration.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I named my first.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I had a thriving Etsy shop for eight years, and I had up to 20 employees who worked with me.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: We had like a we had multiple offices.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Our biggest one was like around 1200 square foot.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I teased that it was my town's original OG sweatshop.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: We had air conditioned, everyone was paid, you know, fave labor, but it was like rows of sewing machines and bolts of fabric.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't even oh, nope, I don't know where I was going.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, turbans for tots.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, y'all.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus, let this episode go better than what it is starting.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: My point was I love alliteration.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So the whole name of that business was turbans for tots, and I would say it like that.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then my name is Jenna Jenkins.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think alliteration just does something fun to stick in your brain with a bit of a sing song rhyme.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: So as the Lord usually is teaching me lessons, I'll like either sometimes Holy Spirit just gives them to me really succinctly.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: But random bonus pro tip for habits is if you're going after a lesson that the Lord's learning or like that he's teaching and growing you, having a really succinct slogan.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It almost reminds me of like the tit a book that's titled really well.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you don't even need to read, I mean, you learn more by reading the book for sure, but it's like calls to memory all that it represents.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: So as you're learning things, I that's I think it's super huge.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So this one, manage your mouth is just about self-control.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting because so many fights, arguments, or messes in relationship, there are there's like a defining moment where someone throws caution to the wind and just lets their mouth run.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And usually what happened is there's action that happens and someone's flooded with pain, and then maybe there's a bit of like, have you heard the expression like white glove fight where it's almost like fencing, it's like polite fight, and there's you know, your gentleman's sport, and you know, if you tap them, then it's a point and then you reset, like there's some like self-control, there's rules, there's guidelines.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're using restraint.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like classy.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what I think happens sometimes in pain fights or when we're triggered in conversations is that it all of a sudden the gloves come off and it's like street fighting.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking of that game, wasn't it in the 90s?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: The street fighters, and they're and they always like high kick the person.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh man, to be a child in the 90s.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it goes from a classy, we're managing ourselves to like gloves come off, no rules, everything's legal because there are, you know, like there's nothing illegal if there's no rules.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and those moments are what man, so much of our when we do marriage coaching, it's the aftermath, the cleaning up the mess after someone just takes all restraint off their mouth.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And this is coming from a self-learned lesson where you're flooded when you get flooded with emotions, it's like the urgency to express or articulate or have them understand.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like, man, it quadruples.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: It literally feels like pressure internally.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Either like some of it's motivated to help alleviate the pain, like I just need to get this out.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some of it's alleviate motivated because I like if they can understand the fullness of it, they'll care.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I get it all out, like some level of punishment, they'll stop, or they owe me this.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: But how often when we throw restraint off our mouth, the Lord has just pointed a few times where I've done it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, that's when you set down self-control.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you sit you took the gloves off of managing your mouth and you let anything you thought, felt, popped into your mind come out.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And what I watch a lot, especially even with Christians, is we'll take that moment and again, like the either the energy or the intensity of being triggered or flooded, or but we can mistake it, sometimes we notice it, for I'm just gonna tell them the truth.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: That would be the misnomer I hear the most when I'm either processing with clients or when I'm like, where that's the moment where I stopped managing my mouth.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: What happened there?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, that's when I believed like they deserved a quote unquote truth telling.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and actually, I would like to debug most of it.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you go off on someone and you give them a piece of your mind, what are phrases people use?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: A piece of your mind.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just had to tell them the truth.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: They needed some honest feedback.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we're labeling when we lost self-control, like we're putting a bow on those moments.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what we're not saying is that you don't tell the truth, but there are so actually, somebody just recently sent me some of the proverbs because I was processing some of that.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And these are all the proverbs that discredit this idea of the moment when you like that moment.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think I want you guys to imagine that moment in those conversations where you stop managing your mouth mouth and you throw self-control to the wind and you just let them have it.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the moments that I'm talking about here.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So these I want you to think of those.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 17, 28.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent and discern when they should hold their tongues.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, next one.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: When words are many, sin is not absent.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: But he who who holds his tongue is wise.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 13.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak lash rashly will come to ruin.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another one.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 21 23.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do you not, Proverbs 29, 20?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do you not see someone who speaks in haste?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: There is more hope for a fool than them.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time, I I just want to I want you to think of that moment where you want like the urge to let them have it, or I'm gonna tell them the truth.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: They can't handle the truth, or this is their wake-up call that no one's been telling them.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that is actually those that level of radicalness is not wisdom.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's actually, I don't know, your soul trying to tell you it's the wise move.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it's actually like not managing yourself and even how foolish we look.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like so many of these things.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Holding our tongue is to be wise.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um silence is helpful, preserving your life to not speak rashly.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, keeping, I think of that one about whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, whoever manages his mouth keeps himself out of trouble.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So poking holes in this idea that there is ever a time in our quote-unquote truth telling that would justify, like, hey, you're actually just making a mess.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You want to elevate.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is coming straight from Holy Spirit confronting me a few times about times with my parents, um, friends, Aaron.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's when I the gloves come off, and it's the time that I'm throwing restraint to the wind.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to start noticing those moments.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, one of the things I say is I always manage me.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: It is my job.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all, I'm closing my eyes now because I say this so many times.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if um someone says something, maybe it's on a text or I'm replaying a conversation we had and I'm getting more amped up, I will interrupt that thought pattern and say, Nope, nope, it's always my job to manage me.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: They are never, this is another little phrase the Lord and I've been working on, they are never my standard or my source.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So what it doesn't mean is that you don't get something from them.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: But when I would say, but if you think about in the capital of he, when we talk about God, we say capital he, um, you know, the emphasis of the highest of it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So God is actually meant to be our standard.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: So Jesus, looking in Jesus' life.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's how what I go now.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: When I when I want to not manage myself, when I want to throw self-control to the wind, and I almost, it's so funny, but I'll think, surely, if Jesus is my standard, not them.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've at least matured past.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he was mean, so I'm gonna be mean.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, most of you are not at that level of reciprocation that we've matured past, they deserve it, or they did this, so I'm in a retal retaliation, I guess.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if not, pray.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Get ask the Lord to help you.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's or the things we tolerate.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my pastor said this this week in regards to some healing stuff, but I think it's true with our behaviors and patterns too.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: The things we tolerate, oh man, he said it more succinctly, but pretty much like bear fruit.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I would like you to start not tolerating those moments when you retaliate or you stop managing your mouth.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, that being said, in the in the moments where you feel the urge, where you feel the urgency, your nervous system's flooded.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: You feel, I literally, it depends on the scenario.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I either want to run away or I want to like lash out with my tongue, or I want to go through tons of different layers of examples.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can relate to whatever your triggered response is when you feel that.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Remind yourself, it is always my job to manage me.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when the little voice in your head says, but they're not managing themselves, I then say, they were never my standard.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You are my standard, Jesus.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think about when in the Bible could Jesus, this is literally what I do, when I have to pry my little triggered hands away from letting like sending hitting send on an email that I will regret, but email metaphorically, my mouth with a verbal thing I'll regret.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, is there ever, I'm like, no, I know Jesus is my standard.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, they're not my standard, but surely you did not like justice.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: So then I'll be, I'll think like, when in Jesus' life could he have potentially faced such an unjust scenario or such a scenario.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I'm gonna actually use them for my standard, I then think through like his life, the you know, the gospels to think about how he responded in scenarios.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And y'all, it's so convicting if you get to the spot where you're like, okay, I'm trying to manage me, and if you're my standard, not them.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is this it almost like feels too much, too far, unreasonable to expect me to use self-control at this level.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then I find I'm like, Did you, did you ever face anything this hard?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds, you're probably laughing because you know, like, of course you did, you know, but if you do this in the moment, you kind of are hoping that your scenario is the exception, that your spouse's 10 years of this pattern is the exception for you.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: You get the free pass on not managing your mouth, and you get the free pass to let him have it and just tear into them.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's not true, and you look at the like so then go look at Jesus' life and you're like, oh, you actually, the three years you spent having your, you know, built so much trust and poured your life into these people in your moment, they all they like of need, they all fled or denied you, or did definitely did not stick up for you, or were shocked because they still didn't listen, you know.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think about how often the disciples didn't get that his strategy was gonna be come and die, how they really thought he was gonna have like a, you know, a triumphant warrior king, like a David moment where he comes in with his sword out and he takes the Roman, like that was what they were expecting, and they still didn't get it to the end.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of us can relate to like recurring long suffering in our marriage.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, if your spouse still doesn't see you or you vocalize something a hundred times and they're not changing, and you wanna not manage your mouth and you wanna let go self-control because you're imagining how awesome it would feel.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to go think like, think when in the when in the Bible, when did you could you have ever experienced this, Jesus?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's the second part of the habit.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then think like, okay, yeah, you know what it's like to be to verbally say something with your words, explain who you are, what your heart is, what your goal is, and be way misunderstood.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You actually know how you've done it for years.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're closest people, so it takes me down a notch of no one has ever experienced like the self-pity or the drama that's in my head about the wrong I am facing in relationships, it gets the volume goes, okay.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're my standard and you know how this feels, instead of shaming myself, I just connect with some empathy because it's easy.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Most people maybe would get to this path.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we talk about the judge versus scientists all the time, where the judge judges your response of like, how dare you, you know, Christ your savior died on the cross, and here you are, cross at your husband for another week of not helping adequately with the laundry after you've asked him for five years.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the you could do contempt at those moments, but instead I'd want you to do the curio like curiosity.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: I would like you to be a scientist.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not alone in this.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: This pain, pain, the pain is trying to tell you, tried to spoil into pity that it's so bad.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: No one ever knows, but like actually, he knows.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the moments when when I literally have to find an example of him being my standard that what I'm experiencing now, he also experienced.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I can hold manage my mouth still and hold on to self-control because I'm like, it's not too far out of the realm of this is too much or this is unreasonable, or surely no one would expect me to manage myself in this scenario.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you did.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, interestingly, one of the things when I watch people or like dig into their patterns, and they when I watch be like, okay, in that moment, when the gloves came off, why didn't you manage your mouth?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you throw self-control to the wind?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times um it is that they the injustice, they're like, I'm telling them the truth because it's injust, it's not right, it's whatever your words are.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what's crazy?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're gonna actually use Jesus as your standard, so going back to like your spouse is not your standard, nor is he your full like fullest source.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: You get something from your spouse, but a majority of your source is actually from God, like for identity, is what I think, or care or love.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Your spouse gives you extra, but it's kind of the difference of like passive income.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have a couple streams, a couple streams of passive income, but none of them they're all like a couple hundred bucks or less.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not crazy.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, none of them could actually replace Aaron's job or my coaching salary.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so they I have a few sources, but people use the expression bread and butter.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: My I my bread and butter is this this stream of income.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want you to think about source or standard is like, yes, your spouse is a source, but the bread and butter of your source is actually supposed to be God.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if your spouse doesn't see you, you are not sunk for loneliness.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: You have a source.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: If your spouse can't give you the care the depth of care that you need in this scenario or in life, you're not sunk or stunk.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Stunk, stuck.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: You might be stunk, stinky, just kidding.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you have a source to be seen and known in.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: So when I connect with, I was telling my husband about this, like when I connect with, um, so I have a pain point, I'm a I want to not manage my mouth, I want to let self-control off the oh, you know, throw self-control to the whim and and give them all the truth, quote unquote, which is actually just putting a lay, you know, a pretty little bow on our lack or our right to not be self-managed and make a mess with our words.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh in those moments, I then look to see like, Jesus, have you ever experienced this?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're my standard, not them.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Surely this is beyond what you experience.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I find an example, like, nope, this too, you you you know that as well.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I have to use self-control.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Dang it.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was really hoping this was the scenario that was too outrageous, too far gone, that I would be able to see, like, see, Jesus never did this, so I don't have to.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: But when you use his life, the cool part in that moment, like I said, if you're curious and a scientist, I'll just get real tender with the Lord.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, so you know what this feels like, huh?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I have these moments, I'm like, you know what it feels like to be really misunderstood, or you know what it feels like to be wrongly accused, or you know what it feels like for someone to think you're majorly failing when this is actually your motives or goals.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like none of the crazy pain you've experienced, then getting just empathy from him.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know what it feels like.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's that scripture about he um, we know him and his power and his suffering.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think those teeny moments when I'm choosing to manage my mat my mouth and going down this finding a scenario in the gospel where it can relate to my current scenario so that I keep him as my standard versus the person in front of me.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they talk about trauma.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of trauma is being alone in your pain.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been this stunning realization that as then I sit, like, you know what this feels like too.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I usually start crying because I I can receive his care of like, yeah, it's so lonely, or it hurts so bad.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like imagining what he would have felt like.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: It I'm instantly not alone, even if the person in front of me doesn't.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's I get this care, I get withness, and it it almost invigorates myself to then zoom back into the conversation and manage my mouth because I have self-control because I connected to my source in a second, and I re-established that it is the standard to not be a fool and guard my lips and keep my mouth and uh not speak in haste and be quick to listen and slow to anger.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope, if nothing else, you take away from this little podcast noticing those moments that it's always your job to manage your mouth.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: They are not your standard or your source.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with a spot in the gospel when you feel like, but surely this would be the one scenario.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: I get the right to throw self-caution or self-control to the wind.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Go find a gospel moment where Jesus could relate on some level to what you're experiencing: betrayal, misunderstanding, abandonment, loneliness, suffering.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Go it connect with him there, get some source, and then jump back into the conversation and manage your mouth still.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because we need to be the kind of people that don't make messes with their mouths, that we're actually wise and we manage our mouth because we're always going to manage ourselves.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is I and I have to say it out loud.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's always my job to manage myself.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think um untangling it from being a seesaw, where if you think about a seesaw, the two people are directly correlated.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: What one person does impacts the other.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: But getting off that seesaw and like I actually manage myself and I manage my mouth regardless of the other person because I am not on the seesaw, where they're my standard or my source, I'm on a different seesaw and God's apparently we're seesawing next to each other.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I should have thought of this metaphor first, but like God's my standard and he's stable and he doesn't change, so they could go up and down over there.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm always gonna manage myself, and there's never an opportunity, and I'm where self control, I get to abandon self control and be hasty with my tongue, and I'm gonna start knowing.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Noticing that that quote unquote truth telling is me actually trying to justify not using self-control.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that helps.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you make so many less messes relationally.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I am gonna be cutting back my coaching schedule to less clients, uh, less appointments per week this summer.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you're a former client or someone who's worked with me um currently, reach I'll be sending emails out, but um any level of people, I'm gonna give priority to people who are regular uh clients already to dial in to be a little more present with my kiddos this summer.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I will have some available every week.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to work with you.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, bye.