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Are You Really Okay? A Psychologist on Mental Health & Self-Worth | Born to the Game Podcast · Born To The Game Podcast

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Born to the Game, where Legacy speaks. Today,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: we're switching things up a little. We're sitting down with Dr.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Meral Malik, a licensed clinical psychologist here in Los Angeles,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: for an important conversation about our mental health. And the
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: questions we're asking is simple.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Are you really okay? Because sometimes we can go to work,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: take care of our families, show up for everyone around us,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: and look completely fine on the outside while struggling internally.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Dr.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Malik specializes in areas including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, identity, family dynamics,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: and trauma. And today she's going to walk us through
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: five practical things we can all think about when it
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: comes to checking in with ourselves and taking care of
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: our mental health.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: Dr.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Malik, welcome to Born to the Game. Yay!
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: Hi, thank you so much for having me.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: So excited to have you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yay!
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Gosh, we are so excited to have you.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: Thank you for having me.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, we're so excited. We need you. Dr. Malene, girl,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: we need you. We need you, our viewers. I mean,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I think it's just the climate of today. I mean,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: you know, I mean, you're in the field and you
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: see people every day and how we are just trying
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: to make it from day to day. So that's why
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: we wanted to make sure that we took this time
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: to get a professional to talk to our viewers and
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: our listeners just about how to cope and how to
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: get through things during these interesting times. Yes.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: And before we dive in, I do want to say this,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: that this conversation is not meant to feel overly clinical
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: or assume that everybody has access to therapy, unlimited resources,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: or even the time to prioritize their mental health. I
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: want us to speak directly to everyday people who are working,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: raising families, dealing with stress, pressure, relationships, finances, and just life.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: And just maybe asking themselves, how do I take care
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: of my mental health when I'm just trying to get
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: through the day?
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: So that's what I want us to focus on. But again,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. And I'm like, girl,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: give us a session. Let me just sit back, you know,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: take notes, just.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I'm happy to be here and hopefully we
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: can walk away from this conversation with some practical tips
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: that people can start to implement into their day to day.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Can you start with telling us about yourself and your practice? Sure.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: So I am Dr. Malik and I work in West L.A.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: So I see clients 13 and up. kind of just
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: the whole spectrum of challenges that come with life. A
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: lot of the work I love to do is identity work.
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: So I was so excited when you asked me to
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: be on the show. But yeah, so I work in
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: person in West LA and then telehealth throughout California. And
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: I am part of a group practice called the Lancer
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: Westman Psychology Group. And we're all psychologists, clinical psychologists. And
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: we kind of work, have our own specialty areas, but
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: we all see clients across the lifespan.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: Dealing with anxiety, depression, self-esteem, sleep issues.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: So you name it, and I think we pretty much
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: cover it all.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: So how did you get off into it?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Before we get into the questions, how did you get
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: to this stage in your life?
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's a good question. I think I love
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: family work, and I think that is sort of where
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: it all began. So I think my mom was very
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: instrumental in me kind of going down this route of
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: like mental health and psychology. She always says like I
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: was a natural sort of therapist. And so I think
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: for me, it was always, I was fascinated by people
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: and I loved helping people, my friends and my family members.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: And so I kind of naturally fell into it, explored
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: different avenues of psychology, but I really just felt that
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: like working clinically directly, like one-on-one was where I really
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: wanted to go with it. But yeah, it's been a
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: long journey for sure.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: And we are thankful you took that journey. We are
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: so thankful. So let's dive into the conversation.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: We have five areas we want to touch, but feel
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: free to, again, just lead the conversation. But we'll start
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: off with our first one. How do I know when
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not okay? So what are some signs that tell
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: us we may need to pay more attention to our
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: mental health? Yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: So I think to answer that, I think it starts
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: with the basics. I think when we're looking at functioning,
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: and I think that's the word I'll come back to
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: a lot, is we're looking to see whether there's changes
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: in our functioning and our day-to-day. So the first way
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: I think about it is our bodies. So our physiological needs.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: So changes in, let's say, your sleep, your appetite, your
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: energy levels.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Those are the basic kind of ways to clue in.
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: And when I say changes, I mean more like, not
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: just like a You know, we all have days we're
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: not going to feel our best, but it's like changes
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: that kind of persist over a long period of time.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: So changes from your baseline. So maybe you're sleeping, having
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: difficulty sleeping at night, difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep. Perhaps
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: you're maybe sleeping too much on the other hand, because
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: sleep is often a way that people use to cope
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: and avoid from their reality. So if we're looking for
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: changes there, then we're also looking at changes, let's say
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: an appetite, we're skipping meals, we're not feeling as hungry
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: as we normally are. Or the flip side of that,
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: where we were eating too much, we're using food as
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: a way to cope. Energy levels, we're noticing crashes in
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: our energy, perhaps needing to sleep more throughout the day,
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: taking naps. So our body is a great way to
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: clue in. But then we can also clue in to
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: changes in our mental health by looking at mood and behavior.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: So if we're noticing just feeling really down, really feeling
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: like the things that give us generally joy and pleasure
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: are no longer doing that for us, that's a indicator
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: that something may be going on it also can include
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: the flip side of that being more irritable feeling you're
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: more keyed up like more tense having a hard time
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: relaxing so those are generally some of the signs that
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: we can see when our mood then behavior includes things
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: like performance at school for younger kids who are seeing
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: dips in grades or let's say work performance for adults
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: that's another indicator that hey things may be going um
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: something may be going on here And I think that's
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: kind of the basics of how we can kind of
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: clue into what's going on when we notice changes from
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: our baseline.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: My question is, so how long should people, how long
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: should these behaviors, I guess, go on before? So is
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: it like, is it a month? Is it six months
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: of this changed behavior? Is it a year?
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think it can be tricky and it
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: varies person to person, but I would say if it's
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: lasting about like that three weeks, a month, I would
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: say maybe that's time to check in.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Really? Interesting.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I thought it was more like, Six months of bad
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: behavior is the time.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: You're saying.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: So checking it and also checking it means with a professional.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: With a professional, right. Or what does that mean to
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: go to the next step?
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good question. I think simple check-in might
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: be maybe at that one month mark, it's checking in
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: with yourself a little bit more about like, hey, there
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: might be something going on here. Maybe I should talk
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: to someone about it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: need to jump to like the professional help, but maybe
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: that's like sharing it with a friend or like a
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: family member, someone you kind of trust. Like, hey, I've
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: been noticing this thing that's been going on for me.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Have you felt this way too? And often that might
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: point you in more of a direction to be like, okay,
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: maybe I do need to get this checked out. Sometimes,
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I mean, we are the best judge of ourselves. And
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: I think we know when we're off and we're off
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: our baseline. So I think it's about like doing that
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: check-in first. And then I think sharing that with someone,
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: widening the circle a little bit, getting a reality check
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: on that from someone you trust. And then then being
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: pointed maybe perhaps to like more help.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Now, what about if it's a mother child?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Is that the same baseline, like about a month of
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: seeing their child kind of act differently?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: I think about a month. I would say like, again,
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: it varies. And I think it depends on like the
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: kinds of behaviors you're seeing. And there's like a spectrum
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: in terms of like severity. But I would say like
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: roughly if it's lasting about a month or so, I
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: feel like that's a good check-in point.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Even if it's like something happened, like something onset the behavior,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: like they didn't make the basketball team. So they've been.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Depressed for a month.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: So they've been depressed about it. So is it that
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: or is it you don't even know what's going on?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Or is it the same?
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say if you know the trigger to
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: the behavior, perhaps that's a way of like, okay, maybe
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: this will taper off with some time. But if you're really,
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: it's like unexpected and you're not being able to, let's say,
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: connect with your kid about it, maybe then that's a
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: time to be like, I need some help in accessing.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: So when is a healthy... a healthy timeframe to get
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: over something. I mean, like not nothing like tragic, like
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: a death or anything like that, but something that's pivotal
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: or something that is a life change in any level.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: When is a, When is it healthy just to kind
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: of be out of that slump, be out of the
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: slump or to be over something?
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's a hard question to answer because
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: I feel like it, again, varies person to person. I
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: wouldn't be able to say like an exact figure. And
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: I think it depends so much on the person's temperament.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: So if it's somebody who is generally a little bit
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: more sensitive, it might take a longer time. If it's
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: someone who's, you know, pretty much like, okay, I'm up
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: to ready to go, it might be much less than that.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: So I think it just varies and so unique to people.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: So we're going to move on to pressure and expectations.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: That's the topic. The question is, how can someone handle
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: the pressure of feeling like they always have to live
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: up to expectations, especially with social media?
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think when I'm working with people around pressure
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: and expectations, the first thing I like to think about
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: is just, you know, where are these expectations coming from?
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: And there are so many influences that can contribute to
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: that pressure. We have, whether it's family, whether it's parenthood,
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: whether it's work, and then now we have social media,
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: which just, I think, supercharges that. Where we're constantly being
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: bombarded with just, like, curated images and just so much
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: on there that kind of fuels this need to like
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: perform and excel and achieve and accomplish. So I think
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: first it's like backtracking a little bit, being like, what
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: are these expectations? And then whose are these expectations? Like,
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: are these truly my expectations or where are they coming from?
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: And then once we can kind of get clear on that,
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: I think my next step would be To kind of
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: be like, okay, so if these expectations, you know, I've
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: identified the sources of it. Do I resonate with them?
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: Do I accept them and carry forward with them? Do
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: I modify them to adapt them to like the current
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: capacity that I have? So in our seasons of life,
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: we have maybe more capability and more capacity to meet
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: those expectations and the pressure. And there are going to
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: be times when we don't have that. So how can
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: I modify that expectation to what I'm able to do
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: right now? And then you might figure, hey, like actually
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: this expectation is not mine to begin with. And I
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: don't actually resonate with it. So I might drop it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: So it's a whole process that I think we can
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: go through. But I really think it is about like
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: understanding like whose voice is this. And I think one
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: thing that I like to do in my practice with
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: clients is to be able to get some distance from
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: some of the thoughts that come up when we're thinking
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: about pressure and expectation. So just a really quick example is.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: let's say we're having the thought that I need to
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: impress like everyone. What I encourage my clients to do
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: is just kind of say, okay, there's a difference between
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: I need to impress everyone and I'm having the thought
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: that I need to impress everyone. And that's simple.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: Like adding that thought piece gives us a little space to.
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: Be able to question it a little bit. And we
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: don't act on it like it's a truth and like
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: we must obey it. So it's a bit about like
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: taking that step back to be like, I'm having the
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: thought that I need to impress him.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Wow. Okay.
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: And what can I then do with that?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: So like how, so, okay. So can we go back
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: to that? So let's say for Tamara and I, when
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: we leave here and I'm like, okay, I need to
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: do this. So you're saying that we should think about
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: it and say, I'm having the thought of.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: I need to.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Of whatever it is I need to do. Yeah. In
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: regard to expectation, right?
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: In regard to expectation.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: Or it could even apply to, like, a feeling or
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: belief that you're having about yourself. Like, I'm not doing enough.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: I'm having the thought that I'm not doing enough.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: It's not actually what it is. It's just the thought.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: But we're telling ourselves that I'm not worthy.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I'm not smart.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not worthy. But you're saying we should start saying
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I'm having the thought.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: So that doesn't.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Necessarily like validated that it's true.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: Because often what happens is like when we go from
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: I'm not good enough, we start to believe that to
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: be true. And in fact, it may not be true.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: But we need to have that distance to be able
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: to treat it that way. As like, hey, this is
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: not the truth. This is just a thought that I'm having.
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: Because our thoughts are not the truth.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: They're not fact.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: They're just thoughts.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Does that work with other people, too? Like, I'm having
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: the thought. This person doesn't like me. I'm having the
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: thought that you don't respect me or like me. That's
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: the thought.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: I think that's a great way to apply it, too.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: I didn't think of that. But, yeah.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: I was like.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: I think it works.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Okay. I'm having the thought because it's, you're still being
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: true to yourself.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Right. You are having the thought.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But that thought doesn't necessarily mean that that's true.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: And then those thoughts control how you feel, act, and
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: all that kind of stuff, which is crazy.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: And I feel like it lessens, because even now me
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: saying it, it's like it lessens the blow. Like it
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: feels lighter, me saying I'm having the thought that she
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: doesn't like me versus me saying Tamera doesn't like me.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: Wow. Yeah, and I think the other thing I could
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: add to that is like when we, sometimes I outline
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: like how we might go through the process of understanding
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: if this expectation or pressure is really ours to hold.
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: And sometimes it is our own expectations of ourself. And
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: with that, that's when I think is helpful to practice
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: a lot of self-compassion. So then that becomes like, hey,
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: this is an expectation I have of myself. I want
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: to hold myself to it. But how it's about learning
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: to kind of pay attention to the ways you're talking
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: to yourself about it. So what's that inner dialogue in
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: your mind? Is it like I have to do meet
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: this expectation or else I am a blank, blank, blank.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: It's about turning that a little bit into a kinder
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: voice to be like, hey, like, you know, I have
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: this expectation of myself. Maybe today I didn't meet that.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: That means I'm going to try better tomorrow. So just
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: noticing the ways in which you're talking to yourself. Is
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: it really harsh? In which case that I would say,
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: let's practice some self-compassion, like turn that harsh voice into
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: a little gentler voice.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: And affirmations in a sense, kind of?
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, kind of like affirmations or just like actively trying
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: to switch the way in which you're talking to yourself
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: from like a harsh voice to a more gentle voice.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: So I think a good way, it's like, would you
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: say this out loud to a friend? Like, would you
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: say it out loud to somebody else the way you're
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: talking to yourself about that expectation?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Okay. I just learned something. I'm definitely going to apply
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: that once we leave here. That was good.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Okay. Third topic, who am I outside of what I do?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: So how do we build an identity that isn't completely
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: attached to what we accomplish? Yeah, that's a great question.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: And I think I've thought about it a lot in
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: my own life as well. But I do think, just
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: going back to the social media point, because I do
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: think there's an element of social media that has really
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: supercharged this. I think just to normalize that we're living
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: in a world and a time where what we see
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: that gets posted online is often people's outcome. It's the
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: final product. And I think that contributes to this expectation
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: that we must also be producing at this like intense
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: level or else maybe we're not good enough or we're
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: not accomplished enough not successful enough and i think what's
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: important to say about that is that very rarely do
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: we actually see the process that goes into getting to
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: that accomplishment or that outcome And I think where that
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: in that process, there's a lot of richness about people's
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: values and qualities that help them get to where they are.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: And so I say values and qualities because I actually
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: feel like that's a very good place to anchor your identity.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: So if you think about like what identity actually is,
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: it's like our characteristics. So that could be like our race,
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: our ethnicity, our age, our nationality. It also includes our
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: roles that we hold in relation to other people. So
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: let's say it could be partner, it could be daughter, sibling, friend, cousin.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: And then the other aspect of identity can be our
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: accomplishments and what we do. But the last part that
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: I think is the most important, it's like our values.
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: So what do we really hold near and dear? Like
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: what's the most important things to us and our qualities?
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: So how would you want, like what are the things
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: you want to live your life by? So those are,
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: I mean, when I say values, And the thing about
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: anchoring your identity, let's say in accomplishments, is that they're
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: like goals. They're always future focused. And when we are
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: future focused, we lose sight of the now.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: And we're constantly like thinking ahead. But values are different
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: in that they can be enacted like right now, in
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: the present, tomorrow, and then an ongoing basis. So if
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: you think of it as like goals, they're like the
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: end goal, the finish line. But values is the direction
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: that you're walking in. And you can enact those on
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: a day-to-day basis. So if we get really clear on
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: what our values are, and there are lots of ways
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: to do that, we can then kind of anchor ourselves
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: in our values as opposed to like, I am what
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I do. I am someone who values growth. I'm someone
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: who values learning. And those are things that you can
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: do on a day-to-day basis. And it's not dependent on
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: any outcome.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Wow. Never thought of it that way either. No, that's good. Yeah, no,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: that's very good. Yeah. That's very good.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, I'm sorry. So the next topic, I love
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: this one. And just a reminder, Dr. Malik, we have
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: viewers and listeners. So this is great information for people
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: riding along the street or listening to our information as well.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: So what does asking for help actually look like? For
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: someone who knows they're struggling but doesn't know where to start,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: what is the first step? Mm-hmm.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: And in some ways, I think like the first step
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: has already been done in that and that you've acknowledged
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: it to yourself. And I think that's actually sometimes the
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: harder part for people because of the emotional component that
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: it can take to just acknowledge that you need help.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: There's sometimes people who have this fear of like burdening.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: other people or the shame associated with just acknowledging that
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: hey like i actually do need some help here so
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: the hardest part i actually would say it's already done
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: like you've acknowledged it right And then I think the
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: next step isn't like some big moment where it's like,
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: I need help. I mean, it can be that way.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: But I do think it can be as simple as
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: just letting one other person in on it. So if
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: you widen the circle from yourself, it could be a friend.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: Again, it could be a loved one.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: It could be someone you just really trust. It could
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: even be your doctor, like a PCP. And then once
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: you widen that out a little bit, what I've also
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: noticed is that when we ask one person for a
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: little bit of support or we ask or we check
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: in with them about, hey, have you ever been through
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: something like this before? Often when it does, it points
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: us in direction of more help. Wow. So it's almost
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: like you're getting help and getting more help is how
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: I think of it. And so I think that's like
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: the next step. And then, of course, then there's differences
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: between like, you know, people in your life who can
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: support you. But then there's professional help. And I think
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: what people often come up against is when they're looking for,
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: let's say, a therapist or a psychologist. There's just so
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: many providers out there and knowing like who to pick,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: how to pick. Do they take insurance? Do they not?
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: Just navigating the logistics of it is really complicated. And
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: so having people in your life who maybe know that
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: you are navigating that can help support you through it
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: is super helpful.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: So I think like even just like knowing where to
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: go to get the help, there are directories online, but
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: then there's also like referrals that you can get from
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: your network. So people you know, your doctor's office. I
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: think those are the ways that you can access more
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: professional help.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: But I just want to acknowledge that it can be
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: really difficult to do that. And so you might need
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: support in getting more support.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: So what do you say to the person who is
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: in crisis now? and they don't have a psychologist, they
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: don't have a village or a network that can help
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: them in the moment, what do they do?
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: I think when it comes to practical things that you
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: can incorporate in your life, I would start with our foundation.
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: So what I mean when I say foundation is taking
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: care of your sleep. taking care of the nutrition, your
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: nutrition component, and taking care of moving your body. So
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: these three things, I think, are all kind of linked together,
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: but making sure you're getting quality rest as much as
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: you possibly can. That gives us just more energy, makes
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: us make healthier choices when it comes to our food,
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: so what we're fueling our bodies with. And then, of course,
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: the moving of your body, whether that's exercise, even just
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: a simple walk, it just produces energy. and promotes like
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: all the happy chemicals in our brain. So I think
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: that that's like the basics, our foundation. And then I
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: would say like another element to taking care of ourselves
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: is finding like an internal anchor. So it's something that
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: you can do for like 10 minutes a day that
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: is just simply yours. And I have often found like
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: it's a reflective practice for some that could just be
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: like journaling out your thoughts. It could be like a
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: gratitude journal. It could even just be like mindfully drinking
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: your cup of coffee but the whole point is just
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: to find like an anchor point in your day where
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: you can just ground yourself and just have some time
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: to yourself okay I mean for me it's like I
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: love doing like the New York Times games and so
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: like I'll drink my morning coffee and I'll do the
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: games and that's my day it sets me up on
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: a good note and then I just have more bandwidth
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: for whatever life will throw at you for the rest
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: of time and then I think maybe the third thing
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: I would say You know, the first two being the foundation,
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: then one is taking care of your internal self. I
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: think the third thing is social connections and taking care
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: of like maintaining and nurturing deep relationships. So I say
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: that because it's not about quantity of friendships that you
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: have or relationships that you have, but it's about the
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: depth and the quality of them. So they say depth
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: of a breath. Because human beings are socially wired and
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: we need people. We need connections and we need people
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: to help us when we are going through challenging times.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: So I know it's hard when we don't necessarily have
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: a support network, but I would encourage like a way
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: of just developing, even if it's one friend that you
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: have or one person that you can call up when
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: you're going through it. I think that is really like
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: the three things that I would say you could just
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: like implement on a day-to-day basis.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: So do you believe in hotlines, like people calling the
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: suicide hotlines or the mental health if you're feeling depressed hotlines?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Like if you just, like you're driving in the car
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden some wave of emotions
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: hit you and you need someone instantly to kind of
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: help regulate and you don't have a village, you don't
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: have friends, family.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Or even financially, you know, you need free resources to
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: help you. What do you recommend for those people?
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there are a number of resources that
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: are online. And I do think like hotlines are there
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: for a reason. And I think 988 is the number
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: to call.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: 988, perfect.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: And then there are a number online as well. But
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: I do think that like they're important. And I think
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: they're important for everyone to know that they can call
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: 24 hours a day all the time.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Perfect, perfect. Okay. Um.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Last, well, we have two more. Simple things we can
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: do every day, which you already pretty much answered that.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: If everyone watching could start doing three things to better
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: protect their mental health, what would you recommend?
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: You answered that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: So let's skip to the next one. How the things
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: we inherit, the expectations placed on us and the environments
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: we grow up in can shape our mental health. How
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: do we honor where we come from without allowing it
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: to define our worth and who we.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Have to become?
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: How do we honor where we come from without allowing
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: it to define our worth and who we have to become?
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's a question that a lot of people,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: I think, come in, you know, to therapy for, but
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: I think a lot of people think about this on
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: a day-to-day basis. Um, And I do want to say,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: I think it's a process of self-discovery. And it's a
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: long process.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: And so I think, like, I can speak to some
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: parts of that process.
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: But I think the first part would be kind of
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: backtracking to what I said earlier today was about, like,
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: let's understand, like, what... are the things that maybe, what
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: are the expectations that maybe be placed on us? Let's
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: first get clear on that. Let's understand a little bit
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: more about like our foundation. So who are the influential
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: people in our life? Like what were their values? What
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: are the things that we are inheriting? Like the beliefs
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: that we have about ourselves. I think when people think
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: about honoring, I do think that it's sort of a
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: process of not all or nothing. So it's like, how
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: can we, take certain parts from our foundation from our
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: early years how can we adapt it to who we
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: are and who we want to be and then there
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: might be parts that we don't want to take away
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: there might be parts that we want to just let
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: go of and i think the question to ask yourself
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: is kind of like which if there's one thing i
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: want to take with me from my foundation yeah what
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: would that be and the second thing is if there's
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: one thing that i want to let go of from
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: my foundation what might that be And if you think
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: about those two things, often it kind of gives us
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: a clue into, OK, this is where this is what
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: I want to take. I'm not rejecting it entirely. And
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: then these are the things I want to let go of.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: And then part of that process, I think people often
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: have feelings of grief, perhaps like letting go of ideas
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: and expectations that their maybe family had of them or
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: that they had of themselves.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: But I do think that what we can do is
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: we can take certain parts and then we can leave
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: certain parts behind. And then I think, again, to think
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: about is just this idea around like when I think
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: a personal way of thinking about it is like from
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: in my life, for example, you know, I had a
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: father who was very successful in what he did. He
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: held several like leadership positions through his life, CFO, CEO.
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: like chairman of a multinational company. And growing up, I
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: was just very keenly aware of that. And I actually
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: thought that he was like the chairman of the world
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: at some point. And in some ways, he really was
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: like the chairman of my world. And so I was
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: just very aware of the fact that he was a
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: definition of success. But, and this is where I'll give
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: credit to my mom, It was her active, intentional approach
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: to having conversations with my brother and I about the
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: values and the qualities that my father embodied in order
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: to get where he was. And so when I think
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: about myself today and thinking about honoring my foundation, the
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: people who are influential in my life, I look at
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: more so the qualities and values that he embodied. So
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: like hard work, perseverance, determination. And I take that and
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: I adapt that to my strengths because I knew like
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: early on that like I was never going to be
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: someone in economics or finance or business.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: So it's about adapting like the qualities and values to
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: your strengths and then kind of moving forward from there,
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: being like, how can I take some of what my
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: foundation has taught me or I've seen around me, but
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: I adapted to who I am and my unique.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Values and qualities.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: So that's kind of where I would think about like
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: how can we honor while it's not taking it entirely
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: because honoring isn't about just repeating and being a copy
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: of it's about taking parts adapting adapting and then.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Moving forward interesting interesting we all um at some point
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: in our lives have struggled with friendships romantic relationships so I.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: Guess to the people.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Who are enduring just a tough time, whether it's with friendships, relationships,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: and their mental health is starting to become affected, I guess, like,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: what are some tools that we could use to help
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: navigate those spaces when, I guess, as a psychologist, do
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: you believe that the relationship needs to be done?
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: Hmm. Hmm. Okay, so just to make sure I'm getting it.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: So it's like when we are having a tough time
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: in our relationships and friendships.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: And it's affecting our mental health, right?
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: I guess obviously we have to make choices on whether
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: or not we're going to continue to have this friendship
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: or this romantic relationship. But if we're still in it,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: how do we navigate that space when we are... I
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: guess our mental health is taking a toll.
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think maybe... a way to navigate that
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: is to take some time to think about the way
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: in which maybe the relationship or the friendship is serving you.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: Like what is it giving you? And then think about
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: the way it may be impacting you. Cause I know
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: that like, you know, mental health, our relationships are complicated.
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: It has good parts. It has challenging parts. But I
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: think it's almost about like, if I were to take
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: a step back, Like, what would the impact be? Would
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: I have a net positive impact? Am I going to
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: be able to just be more me? Like, is this
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: relationship taking over my identity entirely? Like, am I not
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: able to think for myself? Like, am I having a
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: hard time differentiating who I am? Am I feeling like
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: I'm having to maybe pull back so the other person
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: can shine more? You know, I think it's a little
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: bit of kind of figuring out, like, the ways in
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: which it's, is it taking you away from who you are?
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: And if it is, I mean, then it might be
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: a time to question, like, is this relationship something I
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: really need to continue and have in my life? Because
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: if it's coming in the way of you being you,
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: I would argue, I would say, hey, like, I don't
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: know how much it's doing for you here.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: So I think it's a little bit about, like, how
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: do we feel in this relationship? Is it something that's
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: making us feel good and i know that there's like
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: ebbs and flows in every relationship but on the whole
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: is it doing more good or is it doing more
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: harm here and then i think when we can parse
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: through that then we can kind of make a decision
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: about like hey should we continue this or is this
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: time to maybe it could be putting a pause it
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: doesn't necessarily mean like bye yeah um it could just
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: mean i need to take some time away from this
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: friendship to be able to go right tend to something
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: right and maybe this friendship will come back in another
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: time when we're both in a different place.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: I see.
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: So it doesn't have to be, again, like, I guess, like,
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: the all or nothing there. I think we can think
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: a little bit more of, like, in the gray area
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: about maybe taking a step back as opposed to ending.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Even in romantic relationships, too? I know, that can be tricky. Because, like,
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: romantic relationships, and then you have marriages, so marriages, you
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: just can't, every time you have a problem, you have to, like,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: you know, fight through it. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: I think when it comes to like romantic relationships, it's
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: a little different. I think in that, like if, especially
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: if it's, you know, you're not, you're not married, you
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: don't have that kind of commitment there.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: You know, I think again, like it's maybe.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: Having honest conversations with each other about the relationship. Because
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: if you're feeling something, the likelihood is probably high that
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: the other person in the relationship is feeling something, maybe
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: not the exact same thing. So I think in that case,
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: I think it's more coming together and communicating about like
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: what it is that's going on. And the same thing
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: for marriages. I think it's like a lot of it
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: is like, how can, how do we made this commitment?
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: And if we are still committed, like, how are we
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: going to then move forward together on this?
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: As opposed to, I'm going to go do my thing
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: and you're going to.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: Go do your thing.
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: Cause that rarely ever happens.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Leads to anything positive.
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So I think it's about just kind of like
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: being clear and open with our communication, acknowledging that there's
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: dynamic in a relationship. It's never just one person or
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: one thing that they've done. It's often like an interchange
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: between the two people. And so we have to like
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: look at that together, have conversations about that. You can
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: get professional help on that too, but not everyone has that.
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: So I think it's important to just have space to
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: kind of address it openly and clearly. Could be personally first, privately,
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: but then together as well.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: When do you think it's time to have to start
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: like couples therapy or family therapy if it's a familial relationship?
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: When is a good time to say, hey, maybe we
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: need to call somebody else in to help move the
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: conversation along?
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think if you're noticing, again, hard, like no
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: set rule there, but I do think it's like if
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: you're noticing the pattern that keeps repeating itself and you're
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: really unable to break out of it, I think that's
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: a good point to be like, OK, we need somebody
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: else to come in and help us through this. I
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: also think like. people have different communication styles and conflict styles.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: And I think it's so sometimes it will lead to
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: a shutdown and we aren't able to see it very clearly.
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: And even though, you know, when we're not actively involved
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: in that argument or that conversation, we might be able
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: to see it clearly when we get in there, our
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: defenses go up, like so many things happen. So I
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: think when we're noticing repeated patterns and difficulty breaking out
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: is when you would probably want to get some professional
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: help there.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Okay.
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: Dr.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Malik, are you taking new clients or are you full?
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: I am currently accepting new clients. You know, the practice
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: that I work at is Lancer Westman Psychology Group, and
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: we are a group private practice based in West LA.
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: So we see clients in person. I work with clients
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: 13 and up, kind of across the whole range of
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: mental health concerns, but really a lot about what we
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: talked about today, identity, family dynamics, figuring out who you are,
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: and then building a satisfying and fulfilling life is kind
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: of the work I do. But yes, you can find
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: more information about me and the work and my approach
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: and then my colleagues at lancerwestmanpsychologygroup.com.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Perfect. Thank you so much.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for joining us today, Dr. Malik.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Like this again was amazing. And we are leaving. Yes,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: we're leaving the table with valuable information, which is what we.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Hoped that would happen.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: So thank you for joining us and to the listeners
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: and to those watching.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: For tuning in to today's episode of Born to the Game.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I am your host, Mariam. And I am Tamara. And
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: we will see you next time.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Make sure to follow, like, subscribe, and share with everyone.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Thank you.