Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - TRIGGERS

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Friday feature - TRIGGERS · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apologiate, production, tackle chat and unpack triggers, which is a
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Speaker 1: really cool thing to talk about because I think it's
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Speaker 1: something that we all have, We all go through at
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Speaker 1: some point in our life. We actually have a whole
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Speaker 1: chapter in our healing journals. So emotional triggers can be
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Speaker 1: incredibly powerful and can stir up intense feelings, especially for
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Speaker 1: those who have experienced trauma. But also don't forget that
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Speaker 1: triggers don't also have to come from extremely traumatic situations.
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Speaker 1: Now you can have little hairline triggers or you can
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Speaker 1: have really big triggers. These triggers can be associated with
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Speaker 1: past events or experiences that have caused pain, fear, or sadness.
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Speaker 1: When you're triggered, a person may feel overwhelmed and unable
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Speaker 1: to cope, and it can be difficult to regain a
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Speaker 1: sense of calm and control. However, it's important to remember
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Speaker 1: that it's possible to manage and overcome these triggers. It
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Speaker 1: takes time, patience, and support, but with the right techniques
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Speaker 1: and resources, individuals can learn to recognize and manage their
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Speaker 1: emotional triggers in a healthy, positive way. Ain't that the truth.
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Speaker 1: This may involve seeking therapy, practicing mindfulness or engaging in
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Speaker 1: self care activities that will bring relaxation and calm into
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Speaker 1: your life. Learning to manage emotional triggers is a powerful
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Speaker 1: act of self love. Ain't that the truth? It's about
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Speaker 1: learning to feel all of your emotions and finding ways
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Speaker 1: to navigate through the challenges and obstacles that life may bring.
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Speaker 1: The time and patience, it's possible to find emotional peace
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Speaker 1: and healing even in the face of past trauma or
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Speaker 1: difficult experiences.
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Speaker 2: And then I love our quote over written so good,
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Speaker 2: be grateful for triggers. They point you to where you
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Speaker 2: are not free by Jeff Foster.
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Speaker 1: So good. And I always say to like, any kind
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Speaker 1: of trigger that you feel or experience, it really is
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Speaker 1: life literally like putting a spotlight on what needs healing. Yeah, So,
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Speaker 1: if you're triggered about something, it's because there's something there
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Speaker 1: that you haven't cleared with that stored energy and old
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Speaker 1: experience just an upset. It's showing you what you need
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Speaker 1: to work on.
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Speaker 2: Let's go really simplified. If somebody has never heard of
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Speaker 2: a trigger before, how do you know that you have
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Speaker 2: just like felt triggered, Like what happens to your body?
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Speaker 2: What happens.
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Speaker 1: It can be so different for everyone, but it could
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Speaker 1: be like literally your body responds, you get sweaty, you
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Speaker 1: feel sick, you get nervous. Heart rate picks are heart
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Speaker 1: rate picks art you feel like uneasy in your tongue
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Speaker 1: and you're nauseous. Yeah, And then also like your mind,
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Speaker 1: it's all you can think about. You feel like upset,
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Speaker 1: on edge, anxious, so many of those lower vibrational feelings,
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Speaker 1: and also like a sense of not being in control
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Speaker 1: of how you're feeling because it takes over because it's
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Speaker 1: such a real feeling.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, in the moment triggers For me, Like what I
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Speaker 2: will really notice is like, yeah, heart rate picking up,
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Speaker 2: sweating and shakes, like when you feel like you know,
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Speaker 2: like say, if somebody's like really something to upset you
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Speaker 2: and you're like yes, like you just all I want
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Speaker 2: to do is like just breathe.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel it in my heart and my gut. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: Like I feel a bit, you know when you go
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Speaker 1: down a roller coaster and your tommy kind of drops yeh,
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Speaker 1: Like I kind of feel just like a bit uneasy. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: And it can be something so small or it can
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Speaker 1: be something.
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Speaker 2: So yeah, And depending on where you're at on that day,
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Speaker 2: at that point in time. It might feel really small
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Speaker 2: one day, and then the next day that same small
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Speaker 2: thing might feel really big.
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Speaker 1: Yes, definitely, And everyone's gonna have their own set of triggers.
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Speaker 1: Something that triggers me might not trigger you at all.
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Speaker 1: Uh huh. Like we'll talk about our biggest triggers. So,
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Speaker 1: my biggest trigger is our cohol. I grew with a
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Speaker 1: very alcoholic stepfather who was abusive and horrible. My mum
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Speaker 1: was quite a big drinker. My older brother has been
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Speaker 1: a big drinker. All my friends in high school twould
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Speaker 1: big drink because I've just been in a lot of
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Speaker 1: situations where our cohol really has not been a positive experience.
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Speaker 1: So and then when I met Steve Hugge's a big
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Speaker 1: party animal, would love to drink, and I did love
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Speaker 1: to have a couple of drinks and go out, and
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Speaker 1: I went through that phase, but it got to the
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Speaker 1: point where I moved away from that that I just
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Speaker 1: found being around our cohol quite triggering because it was
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Speaker 1: a lot to do with my past, and it almost
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Speaker 1: made me feel unsafe. With people that are drinking excessively,
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Speaker 1: they're unpredictable. Yeah, you don't know how they're going to
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Speaker 1: show up, what they're going to do, And that's been
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Speaker 1: a big trigger for me to work through. And even now,
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Speaker 1: like Steve's not a big drinker at all, but now
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Speaker 1: if he has a couple of drinks, I feel the trigger.
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Speaker 1: But I've gotten so good at managing it and also
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Speaker 1: knowing that I'm safe and that nothing's going to happen.
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Speaker 1: But say with my stepdad, it was like a trigger
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Speaker 1: and like, holy fuck, what's gonna happen. So sometimes triggers
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Speaker 1: they might not ever go away, but you get really
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Speaker 1: good at managing them. I've got the tools to be
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Speaker 1: able to regulate myself and tell myself that I'm calm
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Speaker 1: and everything's okay. And also Steve's really supportive on that
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Speaker 1: trigger now, so if he's gonna go have drinks with
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Speaker 1: the boys or do something, he'll communicate waying far in advance,
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Speaker 1: So I'm like, mentally can prepare. Another trigger for me
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Speaker 1: is yeah, anything that people say about my children it's
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Speaker 1: just horrible or never feels nice, it feels uneasy. That
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Speaker 1: protective mama bear in me wants to come out and
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Speaker 1: just like protect them from the nastiness of the world.
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Speaker 1: So they're probably my two main triggers.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, mine not actually very similar to Ashley is, but
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Speaker 2: kind of different reasons why.
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Speaker 1: I guess.
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Speaker 2: So, whenever Kurt is drunk, I get very triggered because
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Speaker 2: when we were younger and we were together, every time
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Speaker 2: Kurt got drunk, he got very angry, got in trouble.
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Speaker 2: It was just so many bad experiences. So a lot
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Speaker 2: of people might not know this about Kurt, but some
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Speaker 2: of you may. Yeah, he went through a phase where
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Speaker 2: he was definitely not in a great place. He was
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Speaker 2: getting locked up. I had to go pick him up
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Speaker 2: from being like locked up for like drinking in public
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Speaker 2: or you know, doing things and getting in fights. He
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Speaker 2: went through a really bad phase before we had kids
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Speaker 2: and before he started boxing, and he's really changed his
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Speaker 2: way around. I'm so proud of him. He hasn't done
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Speaker 2: anything like that for many years. But because for those
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Speaker 2: solid three or four years I felt so uncertain when
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Speaker 2: he was drinking, I've held onto that. So I'm fine
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Speaker 2: if he has you know, two, three, four or five.
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Speaker 2: But when I can see him like mixing alcohol or
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Speaker 2: like getting drunk, yeah, I definitely can feel the trigger
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Speaker 2: coming arm. Yeah, And again it grows back to safety
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Speaker 2: because I felt like in those moments, I didn't feel
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Speaker 2: safe in my environment. And he was just like Kurtawi says,
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Speaker 2: like we talk about this and he's like it was
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Speaker 2: just the shittest time, and he's like he feels so
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Speaker 2: much like regret for certain things that he has done.
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Speaker 2: But then it was just like the way things had
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Speaker 2: to happen, I guess for him to be shaped to
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Speaker 2: the human that he is, and like, you know, we
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Speaker 2: can totally see it now for what it was. But yeah,
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Speaker 2: there were definitely some times in my life where, yeah,
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Speaker 2: it was a lot of violence around drinking and stuff
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Speaker 2: like that.
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Speaker 1: And when people do get past that three four five drinks,
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Speaker 1: they're not the same person. They are definitely not They
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Speaker 1: are uncertain, they are unpredictable, like I don't know. Yeah.
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Speaker 2: And then my other one as well, but I had
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Speaker 2: written down was literally my kids. I feel like online
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Speaker 2: people can say what they want about me and sometimes yeah,
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Speaker 2: will scratch me and I'm like that's a little bit
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Speaker 2: annoying whatever like, but then I can, you know, think
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Speaker 2: it through. But when people are targeting your kids, people
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Speaker 2: that are so innocent and there's just like absolutely no
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Speaker 2: need for it. It's so nasty. Yeah, that's horrible. And
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Speaker 2: then as well, when trolls have said bad things about
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Speaker 2: like my miscarriages, I think when I've just been at
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Speaker 2: points in my life where I've been really low and
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Speaker 2: working through something and then somebody is pinpointing that and
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Speaker 2: having a go at me, or even if I'm struggling,
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Speaker 2: say in motherhood, and I'm opening up about it and
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Speaker 2: somebody's like, ya doing this wrong, I'm like, well, I'm
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Speaker 2: actually doing the best that I can and I'm doing
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Speaker 2: what feels right for me. So certain things like that
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Speaker 2: I can find triggering.
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Speaker 1: And it is triggering true if you're in the thick
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Speaker 1: of it, yes, because another one just came out for me,
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Speaker 1: which you know, like I had a friendship that we're
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Speaker 1: not friends anymore, and I'm going through the thick and
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Speaker 1: grieving of like this friendship that once was and it's
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Speaker 1: not the same anymore. And the when people ask you
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Speaker 1: questions and stick their nose in or make assumptions up
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Speaker 1: or make their own narrative, like, I find it so triggering,
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Speaker 1: and I literally like would put up a Q and
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Speaker 1: A and I'll be like, don't ask questions about other
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Speaker 1: people because it's triggering. We were like, oh, what happened
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Speaker 1: this person? I heard this about? This is this true?
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm going through this right now, Like
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Speaker 1: it's already hard enough, so for you to bring things
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Speaker 1: up and throw your projected, made up stories into the
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Speaker 1: mix and like try and create drama, it's triggering. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: let me work through it and get to the other side.
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Speaker 2: That is so true. And even how we're speaking all
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Speaker 2: the way up in the car about your intrusive thoughts
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Speaker 2: episode that you shard and how you're still working through it,
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Speaker 2: but different projections that will put on you. Yeah, of
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Speaker 2: course that is a little bit triggering. She's like, well, no,
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Speaker 2: that's not actually my story. Yeah, I'm working mine out
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Speaker 2: as I go.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Just because this has been your case doesn't mean that
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Speaker 2: it's the same for me.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's so interesting. Hey, in our journal, we
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Speaker 1: have a ten step process on how to manage triggers.
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Speaker 1: So if you've got the journal, you'd be reading this.
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Speaker 1: It's on page fifty nine. It is so good and
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Speaker 1: we really wanted to put this in here because it's
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Speaker 1: one thing to talk about triggers, even to write some
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Speaker 1: stuff down. But it was like when I started learning
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Speaker 1: about this, I'm like, cool, I understand what a trigger is.
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Speaker 1: What the fuck do I do with this now? When
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Speaker 1: I feel like this? I used to just like call
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Speaker 1: my girlfriends or to anyone who was about like, go
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Speaker 1: to Steve, go to my mum, whatever. But I would
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Speaker 1: constantly be left in a dysregulated state for a couple
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Speaker 1: of days or a couple of weeks, and then it
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Speaker 1: would overrule everything. And I didn't have a system in place.
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Speaker 1: I didn't have a process that I could turn to.
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Speaker 1: So when we sat down together, we were like, Okay,
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Speaker 1: what really helps us? And we have both had very
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Speaker 1: similar things that we did, like, let's put this into
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Speaker 1: a process. When someone's triggered, they can go into this
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Speaker 1: journal and be like, Okay, this is what I'm going
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Speaker 1: to do.
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Speaker 2: This is go to manage it.
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Speaker 1: Yes, step by step process. If you've got the journal,
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Speaker 1: page fifty nine incredible, get you out of that final
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Speaker 1: flight and get you pack into your It helps you
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Speaker 1: get out of it and moves through it in a
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Speaker 1: really beautiful way for yourself. So page fifty nine one
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Speaker 1: of our best pages. I reckon Yeah, I think so too.
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Speaker 2: I saw this Instagram Reeal and I shared with ashystem
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Speaker 2: of the story, so I was like, gosh, this is good.
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Speaker 2: It's from the Holistic Tree tribe, and it basically wrote
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Speaker 2: out different triggers and the different things you need to
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Speaker 2: heal from, and I just thought it was such a
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Speaker 2: good starting point to kind of understand from that perspective
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Speaker 2: of what a trigger can be from, because it's not
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Speaker 2: always necessarily what you think it could be, or sometimes
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Speaker 2: you might have to sit down to fully unpack, like
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Speaker 2: where is this coming from. Yes, so the first one
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Speaker 2: is like the trigger of being told what to do.
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Speaker 2: The thing you need to heal from is being controlled. Say,
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Speaker 2: if your trigger is conflict, the thing that you will
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Speaker 2: need to heal from potentially is emotional instability or reactive surroundings.
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Speaker 2: If your trigger is compliments you you probably need to
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Speaker 2: heal from being overly criticized. If your trigger is being vulnerable,
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Speaker 2: you may need to heal from being shamed or ridiculed.
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Speaker 2: If your trigger is rejection, you may need to heal
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Speaker 2: from fear of not being enough. If your trigger is change,
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Speaker 2: you may need to heal from fear of the unknown.
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Speaker 2: And if your trigger is being alone, you may need
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Speaker 2: to heal from fear of isolation, and I thought it
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Speaker 2: was just such a beautiful starting point when I saw that,
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Speaker 2: and I was like, it's really nice to see not
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Speaker 2: just about triggers, but the opposite side and what you
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Speaker 2: may need to be healing from. Definitely, and triggers will
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Speaker 2: be like all those ones I wrote out, and what
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Speaker 2: you may need to heal from is only like what
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Speaker 2: you may need to It could be a comple it
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Speaker 2: could be like ten different reasons that from that that
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Speaker 2: it could be