Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / You Have No Idea What’s Still Coming | EP 330

Transcript

You Have No Idea What’s Still Coming | EP 330 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  Friend, your current reality is getting entirely too much authority around here.
• 0:11
  You looked at the bank account, the relationship status, the career, the test result, the numbers, the thing you've been working on that is apparently taking the scenic route And suddenly you're like, "Welp, I guess this tells me everything
• 0:26
  I need to know about my future."
• 0:28
  Ma'am, since when did today's circumstances become Miss Cleo?
• 0:35
  Your current reality can tell you what's happening right now.
• 0:38
  It can give you information.
• 0:39
  It can show you what needs your attention, but it cannot predict everything that's possible from here, Your current reality is data.
• 0:49
  It is not your destiny.
• 0:51
  So let's talk about how to take the information Without letting it take your dream, your confidence, or your opinion of yourself with it.
• 1:00
  So let's get into it Welcome back, friend.
• 1:04
  And if this is your first time here, hey, I'm Letitia, and this is where we talk about you, the woman underneath everything you do for everybody else Every week, we are peeling back another layer, remembering who you are
• 1:21
  underneath the roles, expectations, the people-pleasing, and life that has been lifin', building your self-love, strengthening your self-trust, and learning how to lead yourself forward one decision, one conversation, one girl, be for real moment at a time.
• 1:41
  Because the goal around here isn't for me to tell you how to live your life, it's to help you hear yourself clearly enough that you know how you want to live it.
• 1:53
  So if you like a little laughter with your life-changing conversations, friend, hit Subscribe and come on in.
• 2:01
  We've got plenty to talk about.
• 2:04
  This is the get-together you actually look forward to Hey, hey, hey friend, come on in because today we need to have a conversation about you interrogating your current reality like it has the answers to the final exam.
• 2:23
  Because listen, some of us will look around at what is happening right now and immediately start writing the rest of the story.
• 2:33
  The situation says, "The money isn't where I want it."
• 2:37
  You say, "See?
• 2:39
  I'm never gonna get ahead."
• 2:40
  the circumstances show another month of the fertility journey.
• 2:45
  and you tell the story, "Maybe this isn't going to happen for me."
• 2:50
  And let's not talk about another relationship that didn't work because then you say, "Welp, it's me.
• 2:56
  I'm gonna be sitting on this couch by myself watching Love Is Blind, season 1,000,037."
• 3:04
  And if you didn't get the promotion, you start thinking, "Clearly my career is going nowhere."
• 3:11
  Friend How did we get from this happened to here is the complete documentary of the rest of my life in 4.7 seconds?
• 3:24
  And listen, I understand why we do it.
• 3:28
  When you've wanted something for a long time, disappointment starts getting loud.
• 3:34
  Waiting gets old, and you get tired of being patient.
• 3:38
  You even get tired of doing the work.
• 3:41
  You get tired of people telling you it's coming when you're thinking, "Okay, well, does coming have an ETA?
• 3:48
  Because I mean..."
• 3:52
  I get it.
• 3:52
  I really do.
• 3:53
  And that's why I wanna meet you right here today, not to tell you to ignore what's happening, not to slap a positive affirmation on something that genuinely hurts, Not to tell you just to hope harder.
• 4:10
  We're gonna look at what's real, and then we are gonna put reality back in its proper position.
• 4:17
  Because where you are can give you information about your next move.
• 4:21
  But friend, stop asking your current reality to prove your future is possible, because it just doesn't know.
• 4:31
  And truth be told, friend, this used to be the dream.
• 4:35
  Before we start dragging your current life because it hasn't transformed into the next phase of your life fast enough, can we give a little respect right quick?
• 4:49
  Because there's a good chance that some of what you are casually walking past today used to have you praying like CeCe Winans was singing background vocals personally.
• 5:02
  This used to be the dream because that career that you complain about today, there may have been a time when you would've done a praise break in the parking lot if they'd offered you that job That child yelling,
• 5:18
  "Mom," for the 73rd time in a row, there may have been a version of you who desperately wanted to hear that cute little voice.
• 5:29
  The house you're ready to upgrade, there may have been a day you walked through the front door holding the keys thinking, "OMG, this is mine."
• 5:42
  That peace you barely notice anymore?
• 5:45
  Girl, you fought for that.
• 5:47
  The confidence you call normal, you built that.
• 5:51
  The woman you are today, there is a past version of you who would look at her and say, "Wait a minute, we did all that?"
• 5:59
  So before you decide your current reality is a problem, look again.
• 6:06
  Your current reality captures everything you've built up until this point, and here's what's beautiful.
• 6:13
  You got here, and then you kept growing.
• 6:17
  So now you want something else, more love, more impact, a bigger family, different work, more freedom, peace, more money, a different experience of your own life.
• 6:31
  That's not automatically being ungrateful.
• 6:34
  That's expansion.
• 6:37
  Your desires grew because you did.
• 6:40
  So we don't have to burn down yesterday's dream just because there's a new one calling your name.
• 6:48
  We can say, "Thank you.
• 6:50
  I love what we've built here, and I'm ready to see what else is possible Now listen, you know we have to be responsible citizens during this conversation because I don't want not one of y'all leaving here saying, "Letitia
• 7:08
  said reality doesn't matter."
• 7:10
  Absolutely not, okay?
• 7:12
  If you got $152 in your bank account, friend, please do not go strolling into Chanel talking about, "My current reality does not determine my future."
• 7:23
  Put the bag down, okay?
• 7:28
  Security is looking for you, friend, okay?
• 7:30
  I'm looking at you.
• 7:32
  Chanel is looking at you.
• 7:33
  Put her back, okay?
• 7:37
  your current reality, it matters.
• 7:40
  That $152, these are the financial resources I have available today, is what that's telling you, okay?
• 7:49
  And it's very useful information.
• 7:52
  It does not say, "This is all the money I will ever be capable of creating."
• 8:00
  And this distinction becomes especially important when the data is painful.
• 8:07
  Maybe you're on a fertility journey and another month has brought disappointment.
• 8:14
  I'm not gonna make light of that.
• 8:16
  That is real There may be grief.
• 8:21
  There may be medical information you need to consider.
• 8:25
  There may be decisions ahead that you never imagined you'd have to make.
• 8:31
  Honor that.
• 8:32
  Take the information seriously.
• 8:35
  But please don't take that information and use it to attack your worth.
• 8:41
  It doesn't mean your body has failed you.
• 8:44
  It doesn't make you any less deserving.
• 8:48
  It doesn't make you less of a woman, and I cannot tell you the entirety of your story from here.
• 8:57
  Same thing with your career.
• 8:59
  You didn't get the promotion.
• 9:01
  Okay, what does the data say?
• 9:04
  Do you need another skill, more visibility, a better resume, a different company, a conversation?
• 9:12
  Is this the universe pulling a Beyoncé and telling you, "To the left, to the left," because there is somewhere else you need to be?
• 9:22
  And listen, we don't know yet, but, "I didn't get this opportunity," and, "I'm not good enough," are not the same sentence.
• 9:33
  Dating, same thing.
• 9:35
  "That relationship didn't work," is data.
• 9:38
  "Nobody will ever love me," is a story.
• 9:42
  And friend, sometimes the story we attach to the data does more damage than the data ever could.
• 9:51
  Ask me how I know because listen, I know how easy it is to turn what hasn't happened yet into evidence That it ain't gonna happen at all.
• 10:02
  Okay?
• 10:03
  I spent a decade-ish single, and let's be clear, I wasn't over there peacefully tending a garden, reading romance novels and saying, "Love will arrive when it arrives."
• 10:16
  No, ma'am.
• 10:18
  For a good portion of that time, I was dating desperately.
• 10:22
  I was trying to find true love instead of learning how to be my true love.
• 10:30
  And when you've been through a drought that long, friend, eventually you start looking around while standing in what seems like to be the desert and asking, "So is there rain in the forecast or nah?"
• 10:47
  Because year after year becomes data.
• 10:52
  Another relationship doesn't work, another date goes nowhere, another birthday comes, another holiday goes.
• 11:00
  And if you're not careful, you start turning, "It hasn't happened yet," into, "It's not ever going to happen for me."
• 11:12
  But those are not the same thing And when I tell you that now, being married to a man who loves me in a way that reflects the way that God loves me, I understand why I had to wait.
• 11:26
  And here's the part I don't want you to miss, okay?
• 11:30
  The waiting wasn't empty.
• 11:33
  While I waited, I worked on me.
• 11:36
  I learned to love myself.
• 11:39
  I learned what I wanted, what I would no longer accept, and I mean no longer, friend.
• 11:46
  I learned the difference between wanting somebody to choose me and choosing myself.
• 11:52
  I stopped looking for somebody else to become the love of my life while leaving myself out of the love story.
• 12:00
  So when love finally showed up, I was ready to welcome it in and ready for it to stay.
• 12:08
  That's why I don't want you treating where you are today like it's some useless holding pattern.
• 12:15
  You don't know everything this chapter is preparing for you.
• 12:19
  You don't know what you're learning right now that future you is gonna need, and you don't know if one day you're gonna look back at this season, the one that you're currently giving the side eye like, "Girl, when
• 12:33
  are we leaving?"
• 12:39
  And finally understand what was being built in you while you were waiting.
• 12:46
  So take the data, but don't make it your destiny.
• 12:50
  And while you wait for what's next, don't wait on your life.
• 12:55
  Come back to yourself.
• 12:58
  Love her, lead her, build with her because sometimes the preparation for what you want isn't just about getting the thing, it's about becoming ready to receive it differently when it arrives And friend, don't let that feedback become the
• 13:18
  prophecy, okay?
• 13:20
  This is where self-leadership really starts doing her job because we're not ignoring feedback.
• 13:27
  If something isn't working, friend, we look at it, okay?
• 13:30
  Maybe the strategy needs some adjusting.
• 13:34
  Maybe you need support, you've outgrown something, or maybe you need to stop or start something.
• 13:41
  Maybe the door isn't opening because you're standing at the wrong door.
• 13:46
  We don't know, but we gon' find out.
• 13:49
  Self-leadership isn't standing in front of something that's been on fire for six months singing through the fire.
• 13:57
  Friend, Chaka Khan is not putting this fire out, okay?
• 14:05
  Get the extinguisher, okay?
• 14:08
  We're gonna respond to what's actually happening, okay?
• 14:14
  The distinction is feedback gets to influence your strategy.
• 14:20
  It doesn't automatically get to define your identity.
• 14:25
  This didn't work out.
• 14:26
  Okay, what did I learn?
• 14:29
  This person wasn't right.
• 14:30
  Okay, what do I know now?
• 14:33
  About what I need.
• 14:36
  this plan fell apart.
• 14:38
  Okay, what's available now that I couldn't see before?
• 14:42
  Take the wisdom and leave the judgment And friend, you know I love you so much, and I say this with all the gentle love and care in the world, stop demanding references from a future that hasn't happened yet.
• 14:59
  Now, this is where we are hilarious as human beings, okay?
• 15:04
  Because we want all the proof that something we've never done is gonna work before we do it.
• 15:12
  But friend, who exactly are we calling for these references?
• 15:18
  Oh, I know.
• 15:18
  Hello.
• 15:19
  Yes, may I speak to future me?
• 15:21
  I just have a few questions before I proceed.
• 15:24
  Girl.
• 15:27
  Before you've successfully made the career pivot, there is no evidence you've successfully made that career pivot.
• 15:36
  before you've experienced the relationship, you don't have evidence of that relationship.
• 15:43
  Before you've grown your family, you don't have evidence of that chapter Before you've created something you've never created, you haven't created it yet.
• 15:53
  I know, revolutionary journalism happening here today.
• 15:58
  But that yet is carrying a lot of weight.
• 16:02
  There will always be parts of expansion where proof is not available.
• 16:07
  That's why you need something deeper, self-trust.
• 16:11
  Not I know exactly what's gonna happen, but I trust myself to meet what happens.
• 16:18
  That's different And listen, we are not just over here hoping, wishing, and praying, okay?
• 16:24
  I'm a God's girl, so I will pray and then I get up.
• 16:28
  Okay?
• 16:28
  We're making the plan, doing the research, sending the application, going to the appointment, having the conversation, saving the money, building the thing, You could be going on a date, taking action.
• 16:42
  Faith and action can sit at the same table, and beautiful things will happen when they do.
• 16:49
  The problem starts when we decide, "And this is exactly how it's supposed to happen."
• 16:55
  The end.
• 16:56
  Friend, have you met life?
• 16:59
  Because life will say, "Oh, you made a plan?
• 17:02
  That's adorable.
• 17:04
  Plot twist."
• 17:06
  The door closes, somebody leaves, new information arrives.
• 17:11
  Opportunity comes from somewhere you weren't even looking.
• 17:15
  The timeline changes.
• 17:17
  Something you thought you wanted suddenly just doesn't feel right anymore.
• 17:22
  And because we're attached to the plan instead of the destination, now we're walking around feeling like a dummy.
• 17:30
  But I said I was going to.
• 17:32
  Okay And then you learn something.
• 17:35
  Friend, you are allowed to change the plan.
• 17:39
  That's not failure, that's leadership.
• 17:42
  Self-leadership requires agility.
• 17:45
  Can you pivot without making the pivot mean you're stupid for choosing the first path?
• 17:52
  Can you simplify?
• 17:53
  Can you respond to new information?
• 17:56
  Can you say, "That made sense with what I knew then.
• 18:01
  This makes sense with what I know now," period.
• 18:06
  No trial, no jury, no seven-page explanation.
• 18:11
  Because listen, a good plan gives you direction.
• 18:14
  The plan should not become a prison.
• 18:18
  Leave room for the plot twist and feel free to respond accordingly because some of the best things that happen in your life may come through doors you didn't even put on the blueprint, okay?
• 18:33
  Okay.
• 18:34
  And friend, come here right quick.
• 18:35
  Go on ahead and lean in Because this is where we wear ourselves out.
• 18:42
  You get a dream and immediately become a project manager, okay?
• 18:47
  You got the timeline, the spreadsheet, the budget, the milestones, the contingency plan.
• 18:52
  What happens in Q3 of 2029?
• 18:56
  Girl, you just had the idea on Tuesday.
• 19:03
  And listen, I'm not hating on a plan because I am a planner Having a plan is good, But you don't need every turn mapped out before you leave the driveway.
• 19:14
  Sometimes you need to know what's mine to do next.
• 19:19
  That's it.
• 19:20
  Maybe today's move is make the appointment, send the email, update the resume, save some dollars, have the conversation, research the option, ask for help, record the video, rest, try again.
• 19:37
  Self-leadership brings you back from how do I guarantee the entire future to how do I lead myself well today?
• 19:47
  That's the assignment.
• 19:49
  Tomorrow will lead tomorrow And friend, if you are sitting there thinking, Okay, I hear you.
• 19:58
  I don't need the whole plan, but I could use a little help figuring out how to actually start moving.
• 20:06
  No worries, friend, I got you.
• 20:09
  The Main Character Momentum Builder is a seven-day experience designed to help you stop waiting for some giant breakthrough and start creating momentum through small intentional shifts you can actually make in your real life, because that's what we've been
• 20:25
  talking about.
• 20:26
  You don't just have to build out your entire future by Friday.
• 20:32
  You just need to lead yourself into the next move, one decision, one action, one little piece of evidence that says, "See?
• 20:42
  I'm moving."
• 20:44
  One band, one sound.
• 20:47
  And listen, all those small moves, they start adding up So if you've got the vision but keep getting caught up in, "Okay, girl, but how do I get from here to there?"
• 20:57
  This is for you.
• 20:59
  You don't need another 47-step master plan.
• 21:03
  You need momentum.
• 21:05
  So I'll put the link in the show notes so you can grab The Main Character Builder and spend the next seven days moving forward right along with me Okay, so let's bring this all the way back home to
• 21:19
  you with the self-love two-step remix, okay?
• 21:23
  Step one, fact or story Write down the current reality that's making you question what's possible, and then separate what is objectively true from what have I decided this means about me or my future?
• 21:40
  And remember, no shame, no shade, and no judgment, just honesty.
• 21:45
  And step two, take the data.
• 21:49
  What is this chapter actually teaching you?
• 21:52
  What needs adjusting?
• 21:53
  What's working and what isn't?
• 21:55
  What information do you have now that you didn't have before?
• 22:00
  Okay, take the wisdom, leave the judgment.
• 22:04
  And then the you step.
• 22:06
  You get still, you get quiet, you come back to yourself and you ask, "If I believed my future was still possible, how would I lead myself today?"
• 22:19
  Not next year, not when you have stacks of proof And not after the plot twist.
• 22:26
  Today.
• 22:27
  what is your next right step?
• 22:29
  And trust yourself.
• 22:31
  You do know what's right for you Now let me pour into you real quick.
• 22:37
  Friend, Before you go, I wanna invite you to stop looking at where you are like it's some problem to be solved, please.
• 22:47
  Because there's life here too.
• 22:50
  There's beauty and purpose here.
• 22:53
  There's deep, meaningful treasures in this chapter.
• 22:57
  Maybe it's not glamorous, and it may not even be your preference.
• 23:02
  Maybe if God handed you a menu, you would've said, "Mm, do y'all have anything else?"
• 23:09
  And listen, I understand, okay?
• 23:11
  But don't miss your life trying to get your life.
• 23:17
  Okay, friend?
• 23:18
  Don't miss the conversation, the lesson, the quiet morning, the person sitting across from you, the version of yourself that you're meeting, maybe even for the first time.
• 23:30
  The thing that you're learning, you never want again.
• 23:35
  The thing you're discovering matters more than you realize.
• 23:38
  Desire comes with duality.
• 23:42
  Sometimes you know what you want because you've experienced what you don't want.
• 23:47
  You recognize peace differently after chaos.
• 23:51
  You understand alignment differently after living out of alignment.
• 23:57
  You appreciate being seen differently after spending years disappearing.
• 24:03
  Contrast gives desire definition, so it's not dead space.
• 24:09
  This isn't the ugly little hallway you sprint through trying to get to your real life.
• 24:15
  This is part of the becoming too.
• 24:17
  Use it.
• 24:19
  Let it teach you.
• 24:20
  Let it show you what matters.
• 24:23
  Let it clarify what you want.
• 24:25
  Let it direct you, and then lead yourself forward.
• 24:30
  Maybe you and I, maybe we're standing somewhere in the middle together today.
• 24:36
  There are things you are believing for that you can't prove yet.
• 24:41
  Me too.
• 24:42
  I don't know every plot twist coming, and neither do you.
• 24:46
  And we don't need to Today's invitation is we simply come back to ourselves.
• 24:56
  We hear what we know.
• 24:58
  We separate the data from the story.
• 25:01
  We trust ourselves with one decision.
• 25:05
  We lead ourself through one day, a little by a little.
• 25:11
  We build a life that actually feels like ours.
• 25:17
  Your current reality is data.
• 25:19
  It is not your destiny.
• 25:22
  So let it inform you, let it teach you, let it surprise you.
• 25:27
  But friend, don't hand it the pen and let it write the rest of your story.
• 25:32
  You've still got pages left, and friend, we don't even know what the next plot twist is yet, okay?
• 25:42
  You're still here becoming, still choosing, and there is still so much life ahead of you.
• 25:49
  Come back to yourself.
• 25:51
  Hear what you know.
• 25:54
  Trust yourself with the next step, and lead yourself from where you are.
• 25:59
  And keep building a life that actually feels like yours, one step, one decision, one beautiful plot twist at a time.
• 26:10
  Where you are currently is just that.
• 26:13
  It's just your current location.
• 26:15
  Your dream is the destination, and you're on your way there.
• 26:20
  So stay the course, friend.
• 26:22
  Stay the course And listen, you deserve to fall in love with yourself, your days, and your life.
• 26:35
  Not someday, but right now.
• 26:38
  And this conversation, this work that you showed up for, this is how it happens, one layer at a time.
• 26:46
  And until next time, keep becoming, keep remembering.
• 26:50
  And no matter what comes your way, together we can encourage over everything.
• 26:56
  And I'll see you soon