Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Depression, Anxiety & Panic Attacks: Our Journey From Surviving to Thriving ❤️‍🩹

Transcript

Depression, Anxiety & Panic Attacks: Our Journey From Surviving to Thriving ❤️‍🩹 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Appogiae Production.
0:10
Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
0:14
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment.
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Speaker 3: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
0:19
Speaker 3: authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:31
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises with Ashy and Tiana.
0:35
Speaker 1: Hello.
0:36
Speaker 2: I think today's episode it's more on the heavier side.
0:40
Speaker 2: It's gonna be quite vulnerable and raw for us, and
0:43
Speaker 2: I also feel like it might ruffle a few feathers
0:45
Speaker 2: with our opinions.
0:46
Speaker 1: I think so too.
0:47
Speaker 2: Just remember these are our opinions and our experiences. You
0:50
Speaker 2: don't have to always agree with them. Just try and
0:52
Speaker 2: have an open mind, open heart. And we're also just
0:55
Speaker 2: not saying one raise the right way to go or
0:57
Speaker 2: the wrong way to go. Everyone's so different, everyone's journey
0:59
Speaker 2: is different. I just want to start the episode with that,
1:02
Speaker 2: before an occurrence or trigger trace has come out up.
1:05
Speaker 2: But today we're talking about anxiety, depression, panic attacks, anxiety attacks,
1:10
Speaker 2: all the things that we have experienced and our take
1:13
Speaker 2: on kind of how we've moved through them as we've
1:15
Speaker 2: both experienced all of that and more.
1:18
Speaker 3: I think what's important to note in this conversation as
1:20
Speaker 3: well is to one come in with an open mind,
1:22
Speaker 3: like what actually said, but also to know you can
1:25
Speaker 3: take and leave whatever either feels right for you or
1:27
Speaker 3: doesn't feel right for you. So if something doesn't resonate,
1:30
Speaker 3: leave it, that's so fine. If something resonates, take it
1:33
Speaker 3: and pass it on in a conversation or something like that.
1:36
Speaker 3: But just know that everything that is shared in here
1:38
Speaker 3: is not something that you need to take as like gospel. No,
1:41
Speaker 3: we're just sharing our opinions and sharing what we've been through,
1:44
Speaker 3: our experiences and what we believe is beneficial for us.
1:47
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. And like, just because we have a
1:49
Speaker 2: certain opinion, we don't know your history, we don't know
1:52
Speaker 2: what you've been through, what your doctors advised. So this
1:54
Speaker 2: isn't us giving advice. This is literally our stories, our opinions,
1:59
Speaker 2: our lives. Yeah, so let's take it back. I'm thirty
2:02
Speaker 2: six years old. When I was around eighteen or nineteen
2:07
Speaker 2: is when my mom and stepdad officially got a divorce.
2:11
Speaker 2: And my mom had to change her name move away.
2:13
Speaker 2: He was threatening to kill us. I was recently with Steve.
2:17
Speaker 2: I felt so depressed all the time, like so sad
2:20
Speaker 2: all the time, anxiety attacks all the time. I didn't
2:23
Speaker 2: want to get out of bed. It was affecting my relationship,
2:26
Speaker 2: my friendships, like literally everything. I didn't love life. I
2:28
Speaker 2: didn't like life. I didn't I don't know. And I
2:31
Speaker 2: had two other girlfriends who I worked with who went
2:34
Speaker 2: and got depression and anxiety medication and they felt so
2:37
Speaker 2: much better. So I quite easily got pretty influenced. I
2:41
Speaker 2: remember going to the doctor and saying, I just feel
2:43
Speaker 2: so depressed all the time. I'm in a depressed state
2:46
Speaker 2: all the time. I can't seem to shake it. I
2:48
Speaker 2: don't want to get out of bed, I don't want
2:49
Speaker 2: to go to work. I have anxiety attacks all the time.
2:52
Speaker 2: I feel so out of control. Andy, straight away I
2:54
Speaker 2: was like, you have depression and you've got anxiety disorder.
2:58
Speaker 2: So we're going to put you on two lots of medication.
3:00
Speaker 2: And my friends with me and they were on it
3:02
Speaker 2: and they were like, yeah, I do it. You know,
3:03
Speaker 2: you feel so much better. I was like, okay, cool,
3:05
Speaker 2: I didn't think to do any research into it. I
3:07
Speaker 2: didn't get second opinions. I was just like, I fucking
3:10
Speaker 2: hate life, I don't like myself. Make a goal away.
3:13
Speaker 2: I can take these pills sweet easy, right. That's how
3:17
Speaker 2: black and white it was for me. I was on
3:20
Speaker 2: them for maybe about a year, and I felt so numb.
3:24
Speaker 2: I just couldn't feel anything. So I didn't feel better.
3:28
Speaker 2: I didn't feel worse, and I didn't feel as panicky
3:31
Speaker 2: and as depressed, but I definitely was far from happy.
3:35
Speaker 2: And I remember having a couple of sessions with a
3:37
Speaker 2: beautiful counselor called Moira, and I told her how numb
3:41
Speaker 2: I felt, and she explained her opinions and thoughts on
3:44
Speaker 2: them as well, and she never once said to me,
3:45
Speaker 2: don't go on them, but she said to do more
3:47
Speaker 2: research into how they can really like numb you out. Yeah,
3:51
Speaker 2: And I did a bit of research, and I just
3:52
Speaker 2: made the decision I wanted to come off them. I
3:54
Speaker 2: probably should have like winged myself off them. Yeah. So
3:57
Speaker 2: I came off them, and the panic attacks came back,
4:00
Speaker 2: the anxiety came back. I was back to feeling really
4:02
Speaker 2: really shit. But then I also did a tony robins Call.
4:05
Speaker 2: Also learned so much more about human psychology and started
4:07
Speaker 2: on this personal development journey, and I felt like I
4:10
Speaker 2: was making progress and getting to know who I was,
4:13
Speaker 2: and I kind of got myself out of it through
4:16
Speaker 2: the inner work that I'd done, but it wasn't over.
4:19
Speaker 2: The panic attacks continued on four years. I'm trying to
4:23
Speaker 2: remember the last one I had over five years ago,
4:27
Speaker 2: but I went through a couple of year period where
4:29
Speaker 2: they were so bad. I used to be on the
4:32
Speaker 2: floor physically pulling my hair out, scratching my whole body,
4:37
Speaker 2: screaming like like I could not breathe, and Steve would
4:42
Speaker 2: just like hold me to try and stop me from
4:44
Speaker 2: like calming myself and to try to get me to
4:46
Speaker 2: calm down. And sometimes I wanted him to hold me,
4:48
Speaker 2: and other times I would like resist and want to
4:52
Speaker 2: like not be touched, but he was so worried, like
4:55
Speaker 2: of me hurting myself, and I felt so out of control.
4:59
Speaker 2: And I didn't speak to anyone about this. I was
5:00
Speaker 2: so embarrassed because no one talks about having these big episodes. Yeah,
5:05
Speaker 2: it was a time where like the trolling was really
5:07
Speaker 2: bad online. I was just not coping with life and
5:10
Speaker 2: that's when I hired a life coach, and they really
5:12
Speaker 2: helped give me tools and strategies to help when I
5:16
Speaker 2: start to feel you can feel it coming on. You
5:18
Speaker 2: can feel the shortness of your breath, you can feel
5:20
Speaker 2: the sweating. You might get shaky, you can't think straight,
5:24
Speaker 2: You're so focused on these thoughts, it just literally consumed you.
5:29
Speaker 2: So they gave me tools and strategies so when I
5:31
Speaker 2: can start to feel those triggers and signs come on,
5:34
Speaker 2: that I can get a hold of them before they
5:35
Speaker 2: get a hold of me.
5:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so good.
5:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, continuing on over the last couple of years. Like
5:40
Speaker 2: I would say, I am far from an anxious person now,
5:43
Speaker 2: which is really cool to reflect back on. Takes me
5:45
Speaker 2: a lot to get anxious, and even if I get
5:47
Speaker 2: anxious thoughts, I'm very quick to like coach myself. You
5:51
Speaker 2: saw me the other day when something happened, put my
5:54
Speaker 2: phone down. I was like literally said to myself in
5:56
Speaker 2: my head, like you're safe, Tiger's not attacking you, You're okay.
5:59
Speaker 2: Like I had to like calm myself down. Doesn't mean
6:01
Speaker 2: that I wasn't right and I wasn't upset, but I
6:04
Speaker 2: have to coach myself. So if I don't, I can
6:06
Speaker 2: see myself spiraling.
6:07
Speaker 1: Yeah.
6:08
Speaker 2: So the longer that I've worked on myself and I've
6:10
Speaker 2: got these tools and strategies that have proven to work
6:13
Speaker 2: for me, it's just gotten less and less and less.
6:16
Speaker 2: So it's really cool to be in a phase just
6:18
Speaker 2: where I'm at right now that I can take care
6:20
Speaker 2: of myself and not allow it to get that bad.
6:23
Speaker 2: And one thing that really struck me was when the
6:25
Speaker 2: doctor said to me, you have depression and you have
6:29
Speaker 2: an anxiety disorder. That became my identity. That's who I was.
6:34
Speaker 2: If you had asked who's actually, I'll be like, oh,
6:36
Speaker 2: I'm depressed at the moment and I have anxiety, so
6:39
Speaker 2: you probably won't want to hang out with me, and
6:41
Speaker 2: I would like isolate as well. That was who I was.
6:44
Speaker 2: Whereas now, if I ever feel I'm in a lower state,
6:48
Speaker 2: and I know everyone's situation is different, I definitely believe
6:50
Speaker 2: in depression and anxiety being a disorder for sure, But
6:54
Speaker 2: now that I've worked through all of that, I will
6:56
Speaker 2: say instead of saying I have anxiety or I feel
6:59
Speaker 2: like I'm going to have an anxiety attack, I was like,
7:01
Speaker 2: I'm having anxious thoughts because I'm worried about the future now.
7:05
Speaker 2: I want to talk about that with whoever, or sit
7:07
Speaker 2: with myself, or just regulate myself so I can calm
7:10
Speaker 2: my nervous system and then see what I need to do. Yeah,
7:14
Speaker 2: you know, And if I ever feel myself getting depressed thoughts,
7:17
Speaker 2: it's because I'm going back in my past. Yeah, I'm
7:20
Speaker 2: thinking about what's happened, and I'm going back to my
7:22
Speaker 2: victim or I'm replaying situations in my head. And that's
7:26
Speaker 2: when I also book sessions with a coach too. If
7:29
Speaker 2: there's more things I need to talk about, I'll get
7:31
Speaker 2: it out and I'll work through it. So that's kind
7:33
Speaker 2: of been my journey with it. And it was really
7:35
Speaker 2: really hard.
7:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that awful hard.
7:38
Speaker 2: So she would I felt like I had no one
7:39
Speaker 2: to talk about it with. I was so embarrassed, so embarrassed,
7:42
Speaker 2: and I remember telling one of my girlfriends and her
7:45
Speaker 2: reaction just shut me off even more. Not that she
7:48
Speaker 2: did anything wrong, but she was like, holy shit, she.
7:50
Speaker 1: Had a big reaction.
7:51
Speaker 2: It was a big reaction. It wasn't like I get
7:53
Speaker 2: it here for you. It was like, oh my god,
7:55
Speaker 2: you pull your hair. Yeah. I was like yeah, and
7:58
Speaker 2: like scratch myself. She's like, oh my god, I was
7:59
Speaker 2: wondering what these marks were in your arms from fuck, Okay,
8:03
Speaker 2: what do you do about those?
8:04
Speaker 3: Oh?
8:05
Speaker 1: Like, I'm never telling anyone ever.
8:07
Speaker 2: I was like, I am alone in this. I've never
8:08
Speaker 2: heard anyone talk about this, So I just have to
8:10
Speaker 2: hide this and be ashamed of it. And even Steve
8:13
Speaker 2: I was so embarrassed, and I felt so bad that
8:15
Speaker 2: he had to be there to witness all of that.
8:17
Speaker 1: That was awful.
8:18
Speaker 3: That was gonna be my next question. I was just
8:19
Speaker 3: about to say, how is it for you to be
8:21
Speaker 3: seen in that? By Steve?
8:23
Speaker 2: I mean now, in hindslight, I'm like, Wow, he has
8:25
Speaker 2: loved me at my absolute worst. He has seen me
8:29
Speaker 2: like no one has ever seen me before, my most roorst,
8:32
Speaker 2: most vulnerable, awful moments to reflect on, and he just
8:36
Speaker 2: held me in all of it, not once that he
8:38
Speaker 2: put me down or anything. He would always speak to
8:40
Speaker 2: me after about it and say, like, I get really
8:43
Speaker 2: worried and scared when you get like that. I hate
8:45
Speaker 2: seeing you do that to yourself. I would do anything
8:48
Speaker 2: for you not to do that. Yeah, if we would
8:51
Speaker 2: like be in a huge argument sometimes I would get
8:53
Speaker 2: like that, and I don't think that was nice for
8:56
Speaker 2: him either, because then it would distract what we actually
8:58
Speaker 2: needed to talk about. So then it would make him
8:59
Speaker 2: scared to bring up that topic again in case I
9:01
Speaker 2: got really worked up. I see yeah, And once he
9:04
Speaker 2: highlighted that, I was like, oh, yeah, I don't want
9:07
Speaker 2: to do that, because how is he ever going to
9:08
Speaker 2: feel safe to come to me and open up this conversation.
9:11
Speaker 2: He's just going to have to sweep everything in case
9:13
Speaker 2: I have an anxiety attack, And I was like, I
9:15
Speaker 2: don't want my relationship to be like that. So that
9:17
Speaker 2: was a really big wake up call and just more
9:19
Speaker 2: motivation for me to want to focus my nervous system
9:23
Speaker 2: regulation daily, not just when it gets bad, not when
9:26
Speaker 2: I'm getting my period, not when life gets hard. Day
9:29
Speaker 2: to day. I worry about how much water I drink,
9:31
Speaker 2: if I'm getting enough nutrients, if I'm taking my supplements.
9:34
Speaker 2: Where's my nervous system at, where's my battery at? Do
9:37
Speaker 2: I need to plug in? If I need to plug
9:39
Speaker 2: out from everyone? What do I need right now to
9:41
Speaker 2: keep myself in the best state to be able to
9:43
Speaker 2: handle and manage whatever I need to handle and manage
9:46
Speaker 2: because life's never going to be like this. It's always
9:48
Speaker 2: up and down. So so many learnings have come so far,
9:52
Speaker 2: but I would never go on medication again. Personally, for myself,
9:56
Speaker 2: I didn't find it helped me at all. It just
9:59
Speaker 2: numbed me. But short term and long term I don't
10:02
Speaker 2: think that benefited me. Yeah, Whereas I do know some
10:05
Speaker 2: people that need to be on it and are on
10:07
Speaker 2: it and it's made them feel a lot better and
10:09
Speaker 2: it stopped them having suicidal thoughts and they're able to
10:12
Speaker 2: live their life and be peaceful. And I'm like, awesome,
10:15
Speaker 2: Yeah that works for you. Great. So that's why we
10:18
Speaker 2: said it start. It's not a one size fits all.
10:20
Speaker 2: But for me personally, I didn't feel the medication that
10:23
Speaker 2: I was put on was good for me.
10:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
10:25
Speaker 2: I don't want to ever numb out. I want to
10:26
Speaker 2: feel the depth of the pain because that represents how
10:30
Speaker 2: much I loved something or someone. You know, when I'm
10:33
Speaker 2: feeling something, it's because I care about it so much.
10:36
Speaker 2: If I'm numbed or don't give a shit about something,
10:38
Speaker 2: and I don't give a shit about it, but if
10:40
Speaker 2: I'm feeling it, because it shows how much I care
10:42
Speaker 2: and I'm a very caring person, you know, So I
10:45
Speaker 2: don't ever want to numb any of that out. I
10:47
Speaker 2: kind of welcome that in now because I feel like
10:49
Speaker 2: I can hold it.
10:50
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that.
10:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like we should just end the episode there,
10:52
Speaker 3: because fucking mic drop.
10:54
Speaker 2: No, I want to hear yours.
10:55
Speaker 1: No, everything you just said, you just had.
10:56
Speaker 3: I was thinking as you're talking, just towards the end,
10:58
Speaker 3: and I was like, fuck, I'm so sucked into like just.
11:00
Speaker 1: Hearing this story and your experience in that.
11:03
Speaker 2: I think I've shared that with you before, having this depth.
11:05
Speaker 3: No, we've spoken about panic attacks for sure. Yeah, that's
11:08
Speaker 3: really incredible.
11:09
Speaker 2: Thank you. It's in the long journey. But I'm definitely
11:11
Speaker 2: proud to be at the other side, that's for sure. Yeah,
11:13
Speaker 2: and so stoked that I can show my kids how
11:15
Speaker 2: to manage life without it getting that bad. Yeah, you
11:18
Speaker 2: know your journey, tell me all about yours.
11:21
Speaker 3: Oh, my journey was more around the time where I had,
11:25
Speaker 3: like the sex tape happened. So when that kind of
11:27
Speaker 3: experience happened, it was like the first trigger of experiencing.
11:31
Speaker 1: Panic attacks for me.
11:32
Speaker 3: So in that time I was in a very low
11:34
Speaker 3: state mentally though, so I was not in a good
11:37
Speaker 3: way mentally. I was struggling. I had suicidal thoughts. I
11:41
Speaker 3: felt quite depressed. I think I labeled myself this is
11:43
Speaker 3: like high functioning anxiety or like high functioning depression. Like
11:47
Speaker 3: that's how I saw myself in that point, Yeah, because
11:50
Speaker 3: I was feeling all these things behind closed doors, but
11:53
Speaker 3: on the forefront, it looked like I was doing so much.
11:55
Speaker 2: You could still functioning, do everything you need to do.
11:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was like my heart was aching and
12:00
Speaker 3: like my thoughts were eating away at me. And I
12:03
Speaker 3: just remember when that first happened and having an almost
12:07
Speaker 3: panic attack. It wasn't like a bull on panic attack,
12:09
Speaker 3: but it was like enough that like I couldn't regulate
12:12
Speaker 3: myself for a few hours. Like I was in that
12:15
Speaker 3: state of like I don't know what to do, and
12:16
Speaker 3: I don't know who to call, and I don't know
12:18
Speaker 3: who can help me. It was like when I just
12:19
Speaker 3: found out about the video being released, and I was
12:21
Speaker 3: sitting in the bottom of my shower and I was
12:25
Speaker 3: like just so overwhelmed emotionally, like I was crying and
12:27
Speaker 3: I was shaking, and like my whole body was responding,
12:30
Speaker 3: but I didn't know how to stop it, and it
12:32
Speaker 3: was just like that for like a literally like a
12:33
Speaker 3: couple of hours, and I was like, there's nothing that
12:36
Speaker 3: I know how to do or how to stop this
12:38
Speaker 3: because I'd never experienced it before. My nervous system was
12:42
Speaker 3: so dysregulated, my breath was so short, and I just
12:46
Speaker 3: I couldn't turn twenty one, didn't feel like I could
12:47
Speaker 3: turn twenty body, didn't have anybody necessarily to call to
12:51
Speaker 3: be like, hey, this is what's happening, because I was
12:53
Speaker 3: just like, this is something that like I should be
12:55
Speaker 3: shameful of, Like I shouldn't.
12:57
Speaker 1: Be experiencing this.
12:58
Speaker 3: And so after that, I kind of fell into party
13:01
Speaker 3: and drugs and that sort of stuff to cope, to cope, yeah,
13:04
Speaker 3: to like numb myself out, and to kind of get
13:08
Speaker 3: the confidence back that I had lost when I was sober.
13:11
Speaker 3: So through that experience, it was just me, you know,
13:15
Speaker 3: this care free version of myself came out when I
13:17
Speaker 3: was drinking. But then what the aftermath of that was
13:20
Speaker 3: more panic attacks. Was me coming down for two weeks
13:23
Speaker 3: at a time and just being in a fucking absolute
13:26
Speaker 3: mess of a state mentally in that place, and then
13:30
Speaker 3: that leading to panic attacks, and so it.
13:32
Speaker 1: Would become like more freaking.
13:33
Speaker 3: It was only like over a couple of month period
13:35
Speaker 3: when I was in like a really hectic party stage,
13:37
Speaker 3: it was.
13:37
Speaker 1: Like it would bring it on more.
13:38
Speaker 3: I remember every single time feeling like I couldn't share
13:41
Speaker 3: it with anybody because I was just I felt so
13:44
Speaker 3: isolated in it.
13:45
Speaker 2: Lonely, isn't it.
13:45
Speaker 3: I felt like no one could relate to what I
13:47
Speaker 3: was going through, so I didn't know how to explain
13:50
Speaker 3: how I was feeling and what it was doing to
13:52
Speaker 3: me and my mind, my nervous system. Like at the time,
13:54
Speaker 3: I didn't have the words. I didn't know how to
13:57
Speaker 3: describe that or explain that.
13:59
Speaker 2: Did you ever go on medication? Did your doctor ever
14:01
Speaker 2: say to no?
14:02
Speaker 3: So I didn't go on medication. But my family just
14:07
Speaker 3: have always kind of just been more natural, holistic side
14:10
Speaker 3: of things sort of things. So it wasn't really my
14:12
Speaker 3: first option. I had considered it at one point, but
14:15
Speaker 3: I just for me, I was like, no, it's just
14:18
Speaker 3: not an option. So I kind of just I got
14:20
Speaker 3: stuck in it for a while. I got stuck in
14:21
Speaker 3: my own mindset. I really felt like a victim in
14:24
Speaker 3: that point in my life as well, because I felt
14:26
Speaker 3: sorry for myself that I had to go through that experience,
14:28
Speaker 3: and then with the anxiety that had come from that
14:32
Speaker 3: of like social anxiety and not wanting to meet new people,
14:34
Speaker 3: and also yeah, just feeling like I'd gotten myself into
14:38
Speaker 3: this situation that I couldn't get myself out of. And
14:40
Speaker 3: I was just like, life is shit, you know, life
14:44
Speaker 3: is shit.
14:45
Speaker 1: This is not fun.
14:45
Speaker 3: I feel dull. I feel like a shell of a
14:48
Speaker 3: human of myself. And it was like the lights are on,
14:51
Speaker 3: but no one's home. It's like I'm knocking and no
14:52
Speaker 3: one's there. And that's how it felt. It was like
14:55
Speaker 3: an empty body. It felt like that for a little while.
14:58
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I think after that I really leant
15:02
Speaker 3: into training and walking. Think that's why health is such
15:05
Speaker 3: a huge part of my journey now, because it was
15:08
Speaker 3: a thing that really helped me get out of really
15:10
Speaker 3: hard times. And whilst I didn't choose at the time
15:13
Speaker 3: to go on medication, and that wasn't the route that
15:17
Speaker 3: I wanted to go down. The immediate thing that I
15:19
Speaker 3: wanted to do was like, go find a psychologist because
15:21
Speaker 3: I was like, well, it's clear to me, and it
15:23
Speaker 3: had been like six months or so or however, long,
15:25
Speaker 3: and I was like, it's clear to me that I
15:26
Speaker 3: can't get myself out of this and I don't have
15:28
Speaker 3: the tools and resources to know how. And I was like,
15:31
Speaker 3: but I know that I want more for myself. I
15:33
Speaker 3: recognize that right now, I feel really stuck and I
15:35
Speaker 3: feel stagnant and I feel like a victim. But I
15:39
Speaker 3: don't know what steps to take. I can't see not
15:41
Speaker 3: even the next step out of this. So it was like,
15:44
Speaker 3: I need someone with outside context who can kind of
15:47
Speaker 3: help pull me or at least guide me in the
15:49
Speaker 3: direction of like where to go. And I was so
15:51
Speaker 3: desperate for that, Like I was like, I don't fucking
15:53
Speaker 3: care who gives it to me. Just someone helped me,
15:55
Speaker 3: you know. And then I went to a psychologist. I
15:59
Speaker 3: just felt like judged and shamed and like what I
16:01
Speaker 3: was going through wasn't a big enough deal or problem
16:04
Speaker 3: because she'd probably dealt with people who are worse.
16:06
Speaker 1: Could have been a projection, yes, but that's how I
16:08
Speaker 1: left feeling.
16:10
Speaker 3: And then I just hired a life coach and I
16:12
Speaker 3: stayed with her for like three four years and never
16:14
Speaker 3: looked back. That was the trajectory of changing my life
16:17
Speaker 3: and what was really helpful for me was to do
16:22
Speaker 3: this self inquiry work, but also to not label myself.
16:25
Speaker 3: Like what you said about the identity thing, I would
16:28
Speaker 3: really cling on to things like that, so I'd be like,
16:30
Speaker 3: oh my god, I've got fucking high functioning anxiety or
16:33
Speaker 3: I've got depression, and then like I would run with that,
16:36
Speaker 3: yes you.
16:37
Speaker 2: Know, and then it limits you, hey, because you feel
16:39
Speaker 2: like you can't do anything because well, I've got depressions.
16:41
Speaker 2: How can I do that?
16:42
Speaker 3: That's exactly what I did. Yeah, I was like, well,
16:44
Speaker 3: I'm depressed because I just had X y Z happen.
16:46
Speaker 3: I'm not allowed to be happy. I'm not allowed to
16:48
Speaker 3: experience things. I'm not allowed to go after my dreams.
16:50
Speaker 3: I'm not allowed to do any of these things because
16:52
Speaker 3: someone with depression doesn't do that. Yes, as humans, we
16:56
Speaker 3: like to label ourselves, and not in a bad way, but.
16:58
Speaker 1: Because we like to feel like we belong.
17:00
Speaker 2: Yes.
17:00
Speaker 3: So what I've seen, even as a coach myself, is
17:02
Speaker 3: that we will tend to label ourselves and put ourselves
17:04
Speaker 3: into categories because we go Well, at least I know
17:07
Speaker 3: I belong here and it feels certain.
17:08
Speaker 1: That makes me feel comfortable.
17:10
Speaker 3: But what I've also noticed is that it can be
17:12
Speaker 3: unproductive as well, and so at least again for me
17:15
Speaker 3: in my own journey, it was unproductive for me to
17:17
Speaker 3: do that. So now what I teach for my clients
17:20
Speaker 3: is to not label themselves at all. Like, if they
17:22
Speaker 3: come in with labels, I'm like, that can be true,
17:25
Speaker 3: but we're not going to use the language. We're just
17:27
Speaker 3: going to cut the language out and we're going to
17:28
Speaker 3: focus on XYZ and then we'll see how we go
17:31
Speaker 3: in twelve weeks time. Yeah. Yeah. It was a lot
17:33
Speaker 3: of mindset reprogramming, nervous system regulation, reprogramming, the stories and
17:39
Speaker 3: beliefs that I had about myself of who I was
17:42
Speaker 3: and what I get to have, and a lot of
17:45
Speaker 3: transformation of how I really saw myself instead of like
17:48
Speaker 3: boxing myself into the way that I was behaving or
17:51
Speaker 3: how my nervous system was reacting to certain situations or
17:55
Speaker 3: even the thoughts that I was having in my mind
17:57
Speaker 3: that were damaging and taking myself down like a really
18:01
Speaker 3: bad path. It was retraining myself to behave in a
18:04
Speaker 3: different way, you know, to think different thoughts, to choose
18:08
Speaker 3: different behavior, to acknowledge the behavior that I was choosing,
18:11
Speaker 3: and go Okay, what didn't work here, what ended up
18:14
Speaker 3: with a negative result, what ended up with a negative consequence,
18:18
Speaker 3: what ended up with a positive one, and then categorizing
18:21
Speaker 3: those and going, Okay, this is the direction that I
18:23
Speaker 3: actually want to go in and implementing those behaviors whilst
18:27
Speaker 3: doing the mindset work on top of that, and also
18:30
Speaker 3: just being really fucking gentle with myself. Yeah, you know,
18:33
Speaker 3: so letting go of the part of me that punishes myself.
18:35
Speaker 3: I'm still guilty of that today, Like I still can
18:38
Speaker 3: clock the parts of a human Yeah.
18:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have to clock that.
18:44
Speaker 3: That's been a huge thing for me, especially with the
18:47
Speaker 3: sex tape, you know, and experience is similar to that.
18:49
Speaker 3: I've punished myself a lot for behaviors that I've done,
18:53
Speaker 3: which has kept me in that mental state. It's kept
18:56
Speaker 3: me in my own mental prison. Has it allowed me
18:58
Speaker 3: to get out, hasn't allowed me to think differently. So
19:01
Speaker 3: it's looking at the ways where I was keeping myself
19:04
Speaker 3: in that box because that I didn't want to be in,
19:06
Speaker 3: and going okay, how am I limiting myself from growing
19:10
Speaker 3: beyond this place, and then constantly just referring back to that, Okay, cool,
19:14
Speaker 3: what's not working, How am I limiting myself?
19:16
Speaker 1: What's not working? What can I do better?
19:18
Speaker 3: And just constantly reiterating that process. You know, when I
19:22
Speaker 3: look back at like the person I was at one point,
19:25
Speaker 3: I really didn't love who I was. I wasn't proud
19:27
Speaker 3: of myself. I didn't think I was a valuable, contributing
19:31
Speaker 3: member of society. Like there were so many things, you know,
19:35
Speaker 3: and so to go from that version of myself to
19:37
Speaker 3: who I am today, it's the wide contrast of a
19:41
Speaker 3: different version of myself, you know, and it does takes
19:44
Speaker 3: a lot of conscious effort to get there, but it's
19:46
Speaker 3: so rewarding. And no matter how stuck that you might
19:50
Speaker 3: feel that you are right now, there is always light at.
19:53
Speaker 1: The end of the time, you know.
19:55
Speaker 2: And whether you're on medication or not, or whether you're
19:58
Speaker 2: thinking about going on medication or not. This is for
20:01
Speaker 2: everyone that's feeling in a low state and going through
20:03
Speaker 2: stuff you cannot underest to make the power of taking
20:06
Speaker 2: care of your body. I know when I was like
20:09
Speaker 2: really sad and going through things, and people would say,
20:11
Speaker 2: oh my god, just make sure you're eating real val
20:12
Speaker 2: and you're moving your body and you're leaning on the
20:14
Speaker 2: people around you. It sounds just general advice, it's actually
20:17
Speaker 2: so important. If you're not fueling your body with the
20:20
Speaker 2: right nutrients. There's literally supplements to help support your nervous
20:23
Speaker 2: system as well, and putting your hand up asking for help.
20:26
Speaker 2: When I had suicidal thoughts, I had to say I
20:30
Speaker 2: need help otherwise I'm out. I'm tapping out. I can't
20:33
Speaker 2: do this anymore for me. There is no light in
20:36
Speaker 2: the end of the tunnel. This is not going to stop,
20:38
Speaker 2: this is not going to go away, and I cannot
20:39
Speaker 2: live my life like this. So I had to put
20:41
Speaker 2: my hand up and get a lot of help. It's
20:43
Speaker 2: also finding the right person to help you too, because
20:46
Speaker 2: I had a similar experience with psychologists when I first
20:49
Speaker 2: started getting a lot of hate online and I wasn't
20:51
Speaker 2: coping with that. I went to three different ones. Two
20:53
Speaker 2: of them didn't even know what snapchat was, so like, Oh,
20:56
Speaker 2: can't you just block and delete the comments? Oh? I
20:59
Speaker 2: was like, if it was that easy, I wouldn't be
21:02
Speaker 2: coming it right now, and I just walked away. After
21:06
Speaker 2: my hour that was ticked off, paid two hundred and
21:08
Speaker 2: sixty dollars or whatever. I was like, I got nothing
21:10
Speaker 2: out of that. Yeah, whereas I found for me personally,
21:14
Speaker 2: life coaches were just game changes. I felt like I
21:16
Speaker 2: was talking to a real person that wanted to get
21:18
Speaker 2: to know me. It wasn't you're out of here after
21:20
Speaker 2: your hour. We're gonna sit here until you need me,
21:23
Speaker 2: and we're going to go all of this. And they
21:24
Speaker 2: tell stories of their life and their experience, and I
21:27
Speaker 2: didn't feel alone. I felt like they got me. They
21:29
Speaker 2: related this past client had gone through something similar. I
21:32
Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, I fucking get it. Yeah, Okay,
21:35
Speaker 2: if I've got some of that understands where I'm at,
21:37
Speaker 2: they know how to help me. They can sort me
21:39
Speaker 2: through this. There's light And that first session I had
21:42
Speaker 2: just gave me that little glimmer of hope, yeah, that
21:45
Speaker 2: I needed to get through another day without ending my life.
21:48
Speaker 2: It was game changing.
21:49
Speaker 1: That's so good.
21:50
Speaker 3: Yeah.
21:50
Speaker 2: So just yeah, don't underestimate the power of seeking help,
21:53
Speaker 2: finding the right person, taking care of your body, getting
21:56
Speaker 2: out in sunshine, surrounding yourself with the right people. Your
21:59
Speaker 2: environment is so important, so important.
22:02
Speaker 1: What you just said is so true as well.
22:04
Speaker 3: It just reminds me of my experience when I first
22:07
Speaker 3: reached out to a life coach. It's not always an
22:09
Speaker 3: easy decision to make. So it sounds all good and
22:11
Speaker 3: well for us to share these things, but we both
22:13
Speaker 3: in our own experience, have had to go through that
22:16
Speaker 3: moment of making that decision. And I remember being on
22:19
Speaker 3: a Discovery call with the first Life coach and she
22:22
Speaker 3: asked me what my top three roadblocks were.
22:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I basically gave her my whole life story.
22:27
Speaker 3: And then I remember getting off the call and being like,
22:28
Speaker 3: I just fucking told a random stranger and my whole
22:30
Speaker 3: fucking life. What if she tells everyone in the town.
22:32
Speaker 3: Because my fear of my lack of trust fathers was
22:35
Speaker 3: so in the forefront that I was so terrified that
22:38
Speaker 3: something was going to go wrong. But it was like,
22:40
Speaker 3: it's just being willing to push through the fear that
22:43
Speaker 3: your mind brings to you when you're trying to better yourself,
22:46
Speaker 3: because there's going to be resistance, there's going to be fear,
22:49
Speaker 3: But if you can see that, there will be a
22:51
Speaker 3: much greater purpose on the other side of you making
22:53
Speaker 3: this decision, and in your heart, you know you deserve more,
22:57
Speaker 3: You get to be more, There is more out there
22:59
Speaker 3: for you. You will be so much better off. So
23:02
Speaker 3: true yeah, and something as well like to at least
23:05
Speaker 3: for me when I went through that period. And this
23:08
Speaker 3: doesn't have to be true, this is just my opinion.
23:10
Speaker 3: I truly believe that sometimes depression is just stored energy.
23:14
Speaker 3: It's like the inability to process experiences that it stores
23:18
Speaker 3: and it stacks up and it comes out in that energy.
23:22
Speaker 3: I don't know if this all makes sense to some people.
23:23
Speaker 3: You guys might have a totally different opinion than me.
23:26
Speaker 3: But for me, when I was building up all of
23:29
Speaker 3: those emotions and I wasn't processing anything, I felt the
23:32
Speaker 3: most depressed that I'd ever felt because I felt stuck.
23:35
Speaker 3: I didn't know how to move the energy. I didn't
23:37
Speaker 3: know how to process the emotion. I didn't even know.
23:39
Speaker 1: How to feel what I was feeling.
23:41
Speaker 3: And then when I had tools and resources to be
23:43
Speaker 3: able to move that emotion and store trauma for my body.
23:47
Speaker 1: I felt like a feather. I felt so light.
23:50
Speaker 2: I felt like I've.
23:51
Speaker 3: Been carrying around a two ton bag of bricks on
23:54
Speaker 3: my back for the last six months. And then when
23:57
Speaker 3: I finally let that go, I was like, oh, I
23:59
Speaker 3: can breathe again.
24:01
Speaker 2: So cool. So I kind of agree in the sense
24:03
Speaker 2: I remember Tony Robins always refer back Tony Robins because
24:06
Speaker 2: you honestly changed my life with his courses. But I
24:08
Speaker 2: remember him explaining that with depression too, an anxiety and anything,
24:11
Speaker 2: it's the ability to be able to change your state. Yeah,
24:14
Speaker 2: if you can change your physical body and your physical state,
24:17
Speaker 2: it'll get you out of your head. And I remember
24:19
Speaker 2: one life coach told me when I started to feel anxious,
24:22
Speaker 2: to run my hands under cold water or get ice
24:25
Speaker 2: and put it on my wrist or on my forehead.
24:28
Speaker 2: And that's why cold plunging is really good for people
24:30
Speaker 2: with anxiety, because when you're in freezing cold water, or
24:33
Speaker 2: you're holding ice or putting your face in a bowl
24:36
Speaker 2: of ice, you're not thinking about what you're anxious.
24:38
Speaker 1: And that's so true.
24:39
Speaker 2: You are completely focused on how fucking cold you are,
24:42
Speaker 2: and you either breathe and get through it or you
24:45
Speaker 2: run away. That's normally what happens when you're in that
24:47
Speaker 2: state of panic. What do you do and how you
24:49
Speaker 2: show up? Me having a past of anxiety, getting in
24:53
Speaker 2: cold plunges, I panic and I want to get up
24:56
Speaker 2: and run. That is my work to be able to
24:58
Speaker 2: sit in the discomfort and learn how to breathe and
25:01
Speaker 2: know that I'm going to be okay. Yeah, but having
25:04
Speaker 2: a action that changes your state, like cold therapy is
25:07
Speaker 2: amazing for people that get really anxious, Oh so good.
25:10
Speaker 2: Even if I ever have depressed thoughts. Now I'm not depressed,
25:13
Speaker 2: but if I ever get myself a need depressed state,
25:15
Speaker 2: if I'm going through something really really heavy, there is
25:18
Speaker 2: lots of different things that change my state. And it's
25:20
Speaker 2: not numbing out. It's just changing my states that I
25:22
Speaker 2: can see a bit clearer or just pull myself out
25:25
Speaker 2: of the dark hole that I'm spiraling into. And sometimes
25:28
Speaker 2: it's putting something funny on the TV. Yes, sometimes it's
25:31
Speaker 2: being around a certain friend that just like changes my energy.
25:34
Speaker 2: It makes me see things from a different perspective. Maybe
25:37
Speaker 2: it's self pleasure. There's lots of different ways that can
25:40
Speaker 2: just change your state, get you out of your head,
25:42
Speaker 2: back in your body, back regulated, and now go, Okay,
25:45
Speaker 2: what's in front of me? What's true? What do I
25:48
Speaker 2: do with this? What do I want to do with this?
25:49
Speaker 2: I have so much choice and power within me. I'm
25:52
Speaker 2: not going to be a victim and go down that
25:53
Speaker 2: dark hole because guess what, I've done that and I
25:55
Speaker 2: fucking hated it and I nearly lost my life over it.
25:58
Speaker 2: So I'm not doing that again, and I do things differently.
26:00
Speaker 2: You know. It's really cool.
26:02
Speaker 1: Oh that's so true. It's so true. We should start
26:05
Speaker 1: doing cold plunges again.
26:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, my gosh, what a beautiful way to kind of
26:09
Speaker 3: access that panicky feeling that comes up in you. But
26:12
Speaker 3: in a safe environment, yes, one undred percent. You know,
26:14
Speaker 3: it's like it's a controlled environment. You can get out
26:16
Speaker 3: and you want, but it's a way for you to
26:18
Speaker 3: bring that stuff always so that you can sue.
26:21
Speaker 2: That I needs to do it more often, but I
26:22
Speaker 2: kind of I think I avoid it because it's uncomfortable.
26:24
Speaker 2: But now I'm talking about it. Yeah, back to those
26:26
Speaker 2: cold plungers.
26:27
Speaker 1: This is a good idea.
26:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny.
26:29
Speaker 3: When I lived in Cronolla in Sydney, I went to
26:31
Speaker 3: an EMF that had a recovery center, so they had
26:34
Speaker 3: cold plungers, hot spas, all that sort of stuff. So
26:37
Speaker 3: I was going a couple of times a week and
26:39
Speaker 3: I was the most regulated.
26:40
Speaker 2: That I and Sauna too. Sauna was doing like bouncing
26:43
Speaker 2: between because heat can do the same thing once it
26:45
Speaker 2: gets to a certain temperature. I remember Katie Jay and
26:48
Speaker 2: I went to a retreat. We were in a sauna,
26:50
Speaker 2: a bunch of us, and once it got to like
26:52
Speaker 2: ten minutes, I was ready to hop out, and I
26:54
Speaker 2: remember someone else and there was like, no, No, when you're
26:56
Speaker 2: ready to hop out, you stay in five ten minutes longer,
26:59
Speaker 2: get really uncomfortable. Don't get out when it starts to
27:01
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable. You get the benefits when it gets really uncomfortable,
27:04
Speaker 2: and to sit in that. That's how you calm yourself down.
27:08
Speaker 2: Is when things start to get hard, do you just
27:09
Speaker 2: run away? It's no, you sit there. So I stayed
27:12
Speaker 2: another ten minutes and it was really fucking hard.
27:14
Speaker 3: Wow.
27:15
Speaker 2: Mentally it was like, oh, this is where the work
27:17
Speaker 2: comes in. So interesting.
27:18
Speaker 3: It's kind of like going to the gym. Yes, you know,
27:20
Speaker 3: it's like when it starts to hurt, you don't stop.
27:22
Speaker 3: You go another five Yes.
27:23
Speaker 2: That's right, you go to you can't do anymore. Oh
27:26
Speaker 2: that was such a powerful episode, I think, and like
27:29
Speaker 2: we said at the start, or repeat myself again, just
27:31
Speaker 2: because I feel like I need to take what you
27:33
Speaker 2: want from it. Yeah, our stories, our personal experiences. If
27:36
Speaker 2: you relate, amazing. If you don't, that's cool too if
27:39
Speaker 2: you learn something even better, if you take anything away
27:42
Speaker 2: from this, I think, just make sure you don't ever
27:44
Speaker 2: feel shameed for needing help and for not being okay.
27:47
Speaker 2: It's okay not to be okay. Yeah, but you don't
27:49
Speaker 2: have to suffer and live in that state forever. We're
27:52
Speaker 2: living proof you can get out of it.
27:53
Speaker 3: It's really important to acknowledge that how your feeling is true,
27:57
Speaker 3: because for as long as we gaslight ourselves whenever actually
28:00
Speaker 3: fully addressing the problem, we're just putting a band aid
28:02
Speaker 3: over a gushing wound and that will come up tenfold later.
28:06
Speaker 3: If you don't deal with it now, you'll have to
28:07
Speaker 3: deal with it later and it will be heavier, you know.
28:10
Speaker 3: So it's okay to sometimes admit that, yeah, you're not
28:12
Speaker 3: okay and that things aren't how you want them to be.
28:15
Speaker 1: But that's the first step.
28:19
Speaker 2: And if you're in our forum like this is what
28:21
Speaker 2: we want to create a safe place for women to
28:23
Speaker 2: come and bring anything and everything and get rid of
28:27
Speaker 2: all the shame and know that you're safe to be
28:28
Speaker 2: able to bring it in and you're being held and
28:30
Speaker 2: be supported through that.
28:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, And at the end of the day, we're here
28:33
Speaker 3: to just normalize these kind of conversations and to normalize
28:36
Speaker 3: the scary things to talk about. Like we want to
28:38
Speaker 3: talk about the things that people don't normally talk about.
28:41
Speaker 3: So we just want you to know that it's safe
28:42
Speaker 3: to bring it in and that you don't have to
28:44
Speaker 3: be judging yourself or fearful or just in any kind
28:48
Speaker 3: of place of judgment on what you're experiencing and going through,
28:50
Speaker 3: and just knowing that we're stronger in numbers.
28:53
Speaker 2: I love that numbers thing because it kind of reminds
28:54
Speaker 2: me of like our next Devender are running, which by
28:56
Speaker 2: the way, is sold out.
28:57
Speaker 1: Ut we sold at in four days.
29:00
Speaker 2: Guys, craz so grateful. We had our Valentine's event not
29:04
Speaker 2: long ago and it was so beautiful. We sold it
29:05
Speaker 2: out for that one and literally had girls upset they
29:07
Speaker 2: missed out. We're like, make sure you're ready for the
29:09
Speaker 2: next one. We doubled the tickets more than doubled, so
29:11
Speaker 2: we have like, yeah, fifty amazing women coming for our
29:14
Speaker 2: next event, and this one is going to be a
29:15
Speaker 2: little bit more uncomfortable just to sit down dinner. We
29:18
Speaker 2: get to like have a hangout like the Galentines one.
29:20
Speaker 2: What was more depth than that, we had a guest
29:22
Speaker 2: speaker and whatever. But this one you're actually going to
29:24
Speaker 2: be doing some work and we're going to be taking
29:25
Speaker 2: you through some exercises that it's going to be a
29:28
Speaker 2: peling back the layers. But we can't wait to show you,
29:30
Speaker 2: likeck how fun and playful it gets to be. Yeah,
29:32
Speaker 2: and Tatiana and Stephanie are hosting. Oh yes, spicy bitches
29:36
Speaker 2: can't wait. Speaking of the Facebook forum, they get first
29:39
Speaker 2: access to the event. So if you missed out on
29:41
Speaker 2: our Galentines, if you're listening, you're probably missed out on
29:44
Speaker 2: our Mystery Masquerade. Yeah, get in the forum because for
29:46
Speaker 2: our next one, which will probably be probably June. Yeah,
29:50
Speaker 2: make sure you're there to get first access. So you
29:51
Speaker 2: can just search Sheet Rises on Facebook or we'll leave
29:55
Speaker 2: the link in our description box as well. Yeah, all right,
29:58
Speaker 2: see on Friday.
29:59
Speaker 1: Bye guys,