Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 312: Tammy's Take #19: Awareness Isn’t Healing: Why You Still Feel Stuck

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E 312: Tammy's Take #19: Awareness Isn’t Healing: Why You Still Feel Stuck · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Good
• 0:02
  morning,
• 0:02
  and
• 0:02
  everybody
• 0:03
  welcome
• 0:03
  back
• 0:03
  to
• 0:03
  another
• 0:04
  episode
• 0:04
  of
• 0:05
  Tammy's
• 0:05
  Takes,
• 0:05
  where
• 0:05
  we
• 0:05
  take
• 0:06
  powerful
• 0:06
  conversations
• 0:07
  with
• 0:07
  our
• 0:07
  guests,
• 0:08
  and
• 0:08
  we
• 0:08
  turn
• 0:08
  them
• 0:08
  into
• 0:09
  practical
• 0:10
  strategies
• 0:10
  that
• 0:10
  you
• 0:11
  can
• 0:11
  use
• 0:11
  right
• 0:11
  here,
• 0:12
  right
• 0:12
  now.
• 0:13
  So
• 0:13
  today,
• 0:13
  I
• 0:13
  wanna
• 0:13
  talk
• 0:14
  about
• 0:14
  yesterday's
• 0:14
  episode
• 0:15
  with
• 0:16
  Scott
• 0:16
  Stolarik,
• 0:17
  and
• 0:17
  it
• 0:18
  was
• 0:18
  a
• 0:18
  pretty
• 0:18
  powerful
• 0:19
  episode.
• 0:19
  But
• 0:19
  today,
• 0:20
  I
• 0:20
  wanna
• 0:20
  do
• 0:20
  something
• 0:20
  just
• 0:21
  a
• 0:21
  little
• 0:21
  bit
• 0:21
  different.
• 0:21
  I
• 0:22
  wanna
• 0:22
  talk
• 0:22
  about
• 0:22
  awareness,
• 0:23
  and
• 0:23
  I
• 0:23
  know
• 0:24
  we've
• 0:24
  talked
• 0:24
  about
• 0:24
  awareness
• 0:25
  so
• 0:25
  much
• 0:26
  on
• 0:26
  this
• 0:26
  podcast,
• 0:27
  but
• 0:27
  I
• 0:27
  wanna
• 0:27
  kinda
• 0:28
  look
• 0:28
  at
• 0:28
  it
• 0:28
  from
• 0:28
  a
• 0:28
  different
• 0:29
  lens
• 0:29
  because
• 0:29
  awareness
• 0:30
  sounds
• 0:30
  simple.
• 0:31
  I
• 0:31
  think
• 0:32
  it's
• 0:32
  one
• 0:32
  of
• 0:32
  the
• 0:32
  most
• 0:32
  misunderstood
• 0:33
  parts
• 0:34
  about
• 0:34
  healing.
• 0:35
  People
• 0:35
  think
• 0:35
  awareness
• 0:36
  means
• 0:36
  I
• 0:36
  know
• 0:36
  where
• 0:37
  my
• 0:37
  issues
• 0:37
  are
• 0:37
  coming
• 0:37
  from,
• 0:38
  I
• 0:38
  understand
• 0:38
  my
• 0:39
  childhood,
• 0:39
  I
• 0:39
  know
• 0:40
  why
• 0:40
  I
• 0:40
  react
• 0:40
  this
• 0:41
  way,
• 0:41
  but
• 0:42
  awareness
• 0:42
  is
• 0:42
  honestly
• 0:43
  not
• 0:43
  just
• 0:43
  the
• 0:43
  intellectual
• 0:44
  understanding
• 0:45
  of
• 0:45
  it.
• 0:46
  Awareness
• 0:46
  is
• 0:46
  catching
• 0:47
  the
• 0:47
  pattern
• 0:47
  while
• 0:48
  it's
• 0:48
  happening
• 0:48
  in
• 0:49
  real
• 0:49
  time,
• 0:49
  in
• 0:50
  the
• 0:50
  moment
• 0:50
  when
• 0:51
  things
• 0:51
  are
• 0:51
  getting...
• 0:52
  going
• 0:52
  down.
• 0:53
  That's
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  big
• 0:53
  difference
• 0:54
  because
• 0:54
  a
• 0:54
  lot
• 0:55
  of
• 0:55
  us
• 0:55
  can
• 0:55
  explain
• 0:56
  our
• 0:56
  trauma
• 0:56
  while
• 0:57
  we're
• 0:57
  still
• 0:57
  living
• 0:58
  in
• 0:58
  the
• 0:58
  automatic
• 0:58
  responses
• 0:59
  every
• 1:00
  single
• 1:00
  day.
• 1:00
  So
• 1:01
  we
• 1:01
  know
• 1:01
  intellectually
• 1:02
  what
• 1:02
  we
• 1:02
  should
• 1:02
  do
• 1:03
  and
• 1:03
  how
• 1:03
  we
• 1:03
  should
• 1:03
  act,
• 1:04
  but
• 1:04
  we
• 1:04
  don't
• 1:04
  do
• 1:04
  it.
• 1:05
  This
• 1:05
  is
• 1:05
  something
• 1:05
  I
• 1:06
  see
• 1:06
  all
• 1:06
  the
• 1:06
  time
• 1:07
  in
• 1:07
  my
• 1:07
  coaching
• 1:07
  work
• 1:08
  and
• 1:08
  through
• 1:08
  conversations
• 1:09
  on
• 1:09
  my
• 1:09
  podcast
• 1:10
  and
• 1:10
  really
• 1:10
  everywhere
• 1:11
  in
• 1:11
  the
• 1:11
  world.
• 1:12
  People
• 1:12
  are
• 1:12
  incredibly
• 1:13
  self-aware
• 1:14
  intellectually.
• 1:15
  This
• 1:16
  is
• 1:16
  what
• 1:16
  we're
• 1:16
  talking
• 1:16
  about.
• 1:17
  Everybody
• 1:17
  says
• 1:17
  awareness
• 1:18
  is
• 1:18
  the
• 1:18
  key.
• 1:18
  Start
• 1:18
  with
• 1:19
  awareness.
• 1:20
  But
• 1:20
  honestly,
• 1:20
  so
• 1:21
  many
• 1:21
  people
• 1:21
  are
• 1:21
  still
• 1:22
  stuck
• 1:22
  emotionally
• 1:23
  and
• 1:23
  physically
• 1:24
  in
• 1:24
  survival
• 1:25
  mode,
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  just
• 1:26
  being
• 1:26
  aware
• 1:27
  of
• 1:27
  that
• 1:27
  is
• 1:27
  not
• 1:27
  going
• 1:28
  to
• 1:28
  help.
• 1:28
  So
• 1:29
  what
• 1:29
  are
• 1:29
  they
• 1:29
  doing?
• 1:30
  They're
• 1:30
  still
• 1:30
  people-pleasing.
• 1:30
  They're
• 1:31
  still
• 1:31
  overreacting.
• 1:32
  They're
• 1:32
  still
• 1:32
  shutting
• 1:33
  down,
• 1:33
  overthinking.
• 1:34
  They're
• 1:34
  staying
• 1:35
  in
• 1:35
  unhealthy
• 1:35
  relationships.
• 1:36
  They're
• 1:36
  abandoning
• 1:37
  themselves
• 1:38
  over
• 1:38
  and
• 1:38
  over
• 1:38
  again.
• 1:39
  They're
• 1:39
  numbing
• 1:40
  out,
• 1:40
  or
• 1:40
  they're
• 1:40
  living
• 1:41
  in
• 1:41
  constant
• 1:41
  anxiety,
• 1:43
  and
• 1:43
  then
• 1:43
  they
• 1:43
  wonder,
• 1:44
  "Why
• 1:44
  isn't
• 1:44
  anything
• 1:45
  changing?
• 1:45
  I
• 1:46
  know
• 1:46
  what
• 1:46
  to
• 1:46
  do."
• 1:48
  And
• 1:48
  honestly,
• 1:48
  it's
• 1:49
  because
• 1:49
  awareness
• 1:49
  just
• 1:49
  isn't
• 1:50
  knowing
• 1:50
  the
• 1:50
  pattern.
• 1:51
  It's
• 1:51
  interrupting
• 1:52
  the
• 1:52
  pattern.
• 1:53
  That's
• 1:53
  where
• 1:53
  the
• 1:53
  healing
• 1:53
  starts.
• 1:54
  And
• 1:54
  if
• 1:54
  you
• 1:54
  grew
• 1:55
  up
• 1:55
  in
• 1:55
  dysfunction,
• 1:56
  your
• 1:56
  patterns
• 1:56
  probably
• 1:57
  became
• 1:57
  so
• 1:58
  automatic
• 1:58
  that
• 1:59
  they
• 1:59
  feel
• 1:59
  like
• 1:59
  personality
• 2:00
  traits
• 2:00
  now.
• 2:01
  They
• 2:01
  just
• 2:01
  kind
• 2:01
  of
• 2:01
  feel
• 2:02
  like
• 2:02
  who
• 2:02
  you
• 2:03
  are,
• 2:03
  so
• 2:03
  you
• 2:04
  attach
• 2:04
  your
• 2:04
  identity
• 2:05
  to
• 2:05
  them.
• 2:05
  So
• 2:05
  you
• 2:06
  might
• 2:06
  say
• 2:06
  things
• 2:06
  like,
• 2:07
  "This
• 2:07
  is
• 2:07
  just
• 2:08
  how
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  am,"
• 2:08
  or,
• 2:08
  "I'm
• 2:09
  just
• 2:09
  sensitive,"
• 2:09
  or,
• 2:10
  "I'm
• 2:10
  just
• 2:10
  anxious,"
• 2:10
  or,
• 2:11
  "I'm
• 2:11
  just
• 2:11
  a
• 2:11
  caretaker.
• 2:12
  I
• 2:12
  can't
• 2:12
  help
• 2:12
  it.
• 2:12
  I
• 2:13
  like
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  take
• 2:13
  care
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  people."
• 2:15
  But
• 2:15
  those
• 2:15
  things
• 2:16
  are
• 2:16
  usually
• 2:16
  adaptations.
• 2:17
  They
• 2:17
  were
• 2:18
  survival
• 2:18
  strategies
• 2:20
  that
• 2:20
  your
• 2:20
  nervous
• 2:20
  system
• 2:21
  learned
• 2:21
  a
• 2:21
  long,
• 2:22
  long
• 2:23
  time
• 2:23
  ago,
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  awareness
• 2:25
  is
• 2:25
  beginning
• 2:25
  to
• 2:25
  separate
• 2:26
  those
• 2:26
  things.
• 2:26
  It's
• 2:27
  beginning
• 2:27
  to
• 2:27
  separate
• 2:28
  who
• 2:28
  am
• 2:28
  I
• 2:29
  versus
• 2:30
  what
• 2:30
  did
• 2:30
  I
• 2:30
  learn
• 2:31
  to
• 2:31
  do
• 2:31
  to
• 2:31
  survive,
• 2:32
  and
• 2:32
  those
• 2:32
  are
• 2:32
  two
• 2:33
  very
• 2:33
  distinct
• 2:34
  concepts,
• 2:35
  who
• 2:35
  you
• 2:35
  are
• 2:35
  as
• 2:35
  a
• 2:35
  person
• 2:36
  and
• 2:37
  what
• 2:37
  you
• 2:37
  do
• 2:37
  and
• 2:37
  how
• 2:38
  you
• 2:38
  act
• 2:38
  because
• 2:38
  of
• 2:39
  how
• 2:39
  you
• 2:39
  learned
• 2:39
  how
• 2:39
  to
• 2:39
  survive,
• 2:40
  and
• 2:40
  that's
• 2:41
  deep
• 2:41
  work,
• 2:41
  honestly.
• 2:42
  Sometimes
• 2:43
  uncomfortable
• 2:43
  work.
• 2:44
  Because
• 2:44
  once
• 2:45
  you
• 2:45
  become
• 2:45
  aware,
• 2:46
  you
• 2:46
  start
• 2:46
  seeing
• 2:46
  your
• 2:46
  patterns
• 2:47
  everywhere.
• 2:48
  Correct
• 2:49
  me
• 2:49
  if
• 2:49
  I'm
• 2:49
  wrong,
• 2:50
  you
• 2:50
  start
• 2:50
  realizing,
• 2:51
  "Oh,
• 2:51
  wow,
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  apologize
• 2:53
  constantly,"
• 2:53
  or,
• 2:54
  "Oh,
• 2:54
  boy,
• 2:55
  I
• 2:55
  just
• 2:55
  abandoned
• 2:55
  my
• 2:55
  needs
• 2:56
  again,
• 2:57
  and
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  do
• 2:57
  this
• 2:57
  immediately
• 2:58
  without
• 2:58
  even
• 2:59
  thinking,"
• 2:59
  or,
• 3:00
  "Whew,
• 3:00
  I
• 3:01
  feel
• 3:01
  responsible
• 3:02
  for
• 3:02
  absolutely
• 3:02
  everyone,"
• 3:04
  or,
• 3:04
  "Oh,
• 3:04
  my
• 3:04
  gosh,
• 3:05
  if
• 3:05
  someone
• 3:05
  is
• 3:05
  upset
• 3:06
  with
• 3:06
  me,
• 3:06
  I
• 3:06
  literally
• 3:07
  panic."
• 3:08
  What
• 3:08
  else
• 3:09
  do
• 3:09
  I
• 3:09
  do?
• 3:09
  I
• 3:09
  avoid
• 3:10
  conflicts
• 3:10
  at
• 3:10
  all
• 3:11
  costs.
• 3:11
  I
• 3:11
  disconnect
• 3:12
  when
• 3:12
  things
• 3:13
  get
• 3:13
  emotional.
• 3:14
  And
• 3:14
  those
• 3:15
  are
• 3:15
  the
• 3:15
  things
• 3:15
  you're
• 3:15
  saying
• 3:15
  to
• 3:16
  yourself,
• 3:17
  and
• 3:17
  you're
• 3:17
  realizing
• 3:17
  it.
• 3:18
  You're
• 3:18
  becoming
• 3:18
  acutely
• 3:19
  aware
• 3:20
  that
• 3:20
  you
• 3:20
  have
• 3:20
  these
• 3:20
  patterns,
• 3:22
  and
• 3:22
  sometimes
• 3:23
  even
• 3:23
  just
• 3:23
  that
• 3:23
  awareness
• 3:24
  can
• 3:24
  be
• 3:24
  overwhelming.
• 3:25
  But
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  want
• 3:26
  you
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  hear
• 3:26
  this,
• 3:26
  my
• 3:26
  friends,
• 3:27
  awareness
• 3:28
  is
• 3:28
  not
• 3:28
  punishment.
• 3:29
  Awareness
• 3:30
  is
• 3:30
  power,
• 3:31
  because
• 3:31
  you
• 3:31
  cannot
• 3:32
  change
• 3:32
  what
• 3:33
  you
• 3:33
  cannot
• 3:33
  see.
• 3:34
  I'm
• 3:34
  going
• 3:34
  to
• 3:34
  repeat
• 3:35
  that.
• 3:35
  You
• 3:36
  cannot
• 3:36
  change
• 3:37
  what
• 3:37
  you
• 3:38
  cannot
• 3:38
  see.
• 3:39
  So
• 3:39
  today
• 3:39
  I
• 3:39
  wanna
• 3:40
  give
• 3:40
  you
• 3:40
  a
• 3:40
  really
• 3:41
  practical
• 3:41
  process.
• 3:42
  I
• 3:42
  want
• 3:42
  to
• 3:42
  give
• 3:43
  you
• 3:43
  five
• 3:43
  ways
• 3:44
  to
• 3:44
  build
• 3:44
  awareness
• 3:45
  in
• 3:45
  real
• 3:45
  time,
• 3:46
  not
• 3:46
  after
• 3:47
  the
• 3:47
  fact,
• 3:47
  because
• 3:48
  that's
• 3:48
  where
• 3:48
  the
• 3:48
  transformation
• 3:49
  actually
• 3:49
  happens.
• 3:50
  You
• 3:50
  have
• 3:51
  to
• 3:51
  do
• 3:51
  it
• 3:51
  in
• 3:51
  real
• 3:51
  time,
• 3:52
  in
• 3:52
  the
• 3:52
  moment.
• 3:54
  First
• 3:54
  thing
• 3:54
  is
• 3:54
  this,
• 3:55
  number
• 3:55
  one,
• 3:55
  notice
• 3:56
  your
• 3:56
  body
• 3:56
  before
• 3:57
  your
• 3:57
  thoughts.
• 3:58
  Most
• 3:58
  people
• 3:58
  live
• 3:59
  completely
• 3:59
  disconnected
• 4:00
  from
• 4:00
  their
• 4:00
  body.
• 4:01
  They
• 4:01
  only
• 4:01
  listen
• 4:01
  to
• 4:01
  their
• 4:02
  thoughts,
• 4:02
  "What
• 4:02
  if?
• 4:03
  This
• 4:03
  is
• 4:03
  bad.
• 4:03
  I
• 4:03
  messed
• 4:04
  up.
• 4:04
  They're
• 4:04
  upset."
• 4:05
  But
• 4:05
  your
• 4:05
  body
• 4:06
  reacts
• 4:06
  before
• 4:06
  your
• 4:07
  mind
• 4:07
  even
• 4:07
  creates
• 4:08
  that
• 4:08
  story.
• 4:09
  So
• 4:09
  start
• 4:09
  paying
• 4:10
  attention
• 4:10
  to
• 4:10
  where
• 4:10
  you
• 4:10
  see
• 4:11
  it
• 4:11
  and
• 4:11
  where
• 4:11
  you
• 4:11
  feel
• 4:12
  it
• 4:12
  in
• 4:12
  your
• 4:12
  body.
• 4:13
  You
• 4:13
  might
• 4:13
  have
• 4:14
  a
• 4:14
  tight
• 4:14
  chest,
• 4:15
  your
• 4:15
  stomach
• 4:16
  drops,
• 4:16
  your
• 4:16
  jaw
• 4:17
  clenches,
• 4:18
  you
• 4:18
  feel
• 4:18
  restless,
• 4:19
  you're
• 4:19
  tired,
• 4:20
  you're
• 4:20
  shutting
• 4:20
  down.
• 4:21
  These
• 4:22
  are
• 4:22
  the
• 4:22
  things
• 4:22
  that
• 4:22
  your
• 4:22
  body
• 4:23
  is
• 4:23
  telling
• 4:23
  you
• 4:23
  to
• 4:24
  give
• 4:24
  you
• 4:24
  so
• 4:24
  much
• 4:25
  information.
• 4:26
  That's
• 4:27
  where
• 4:27
  awareness
• 4:27
  starts.
• 4:28
  Number
• 4:28
  two,
• 4:29
  pay
• 4:29
  attention
• 4:30
  to
• 4:30
  what
• 4:30
  repeatedly
• 4:31
  triggers
• 4:31
  you,,
• 4:32
  not
• 4:32
  to
• 4:32
  shame
• 4:33
  yourself,
• 4:34
  but
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  learn
• 4:35
  yourself.
• 4:36
  If
• 4:36
  the
• 4:36
  same
• 4:36
  type
• 4:36
  of
• 4:37
  situation
• 4:37
  keeps
• 4:37
  activating
• 4:38
  you,
• 4:39
  there's
• 4:39
  usually
• 4:39
  an
• 4:39
  old
• 4:39
  wound
• 4:40
  underneath
• 4:40
  it.
• 4:41
  Maybe
• 4:42
  when
• 4:42
  people
• 4:42
  criticize
• 4:43
  you,
• 4:43
  it
• 4:43
  feels
• 4:43
  absolutely
• 4:44
  unbearable.
• 4:45
  Maybe
• 4:45
  being
• 4:46
  ignored
• 4:46
  feels
• 4:46
  completely
• 4:47
  unsafe.
• 4:48
  Maybe
• 4:48
  if
• 4:49
  you
• 4:49
  get
• 4:49
  rejected,
• 4:50
  it's
• 4:50
  absolutely
• 4:51
  and
• 4:51
  completely
• 4:51
  devastating.
• 4:53
  Maybe
• 4:53
  when
• 4:53
  there's
• 4:53
  any
• 4:54
  kind
• 4:54
  of
• 4:54
  conflict,
• 4:55
  it
• 4:55
  feels
• 4:55
  threatening.
• 4:56
  The
• 4:56
  trigger
• 4:56
  is,
• 4:57
  rarely
• 4:58
  just
• 4:58
  about
• 4:59
  the
• 4:59
  moment.
• 5:00
  It's
• 5:00
  usually
• 5:00
  connected
• 5:01
  to
• 5:01
  something
• 5:01
  older,
• 5:02
  something
• 5:02
  much
• 5:02
  older,
• 5:03
  something
• 5:03
  that
• 5:03
  happened
• 5:04
  when
• 5:04
  we
• 5:04
  were
• 5:04
  a
• 5:04
  child,
• 5:05
  something
• 5:05
  that
• 5:05
  happened
• 5:05
  in
• 5:05
  our
• 5:05
  teens,
• 5:06
  a
• 5:06
  long
• 5:07
  time
• 5:07
  ago.
• 5:08
  So
• 5:08
  you
• 5:08
  need
• 5:08
  to
• 5:08
  learn
• 5:09
  to
• 5:09
  really
• 5:09
  ask
• 5:09
  yourself,
• 5:10
  "What
• 5:11
  does
• 5:11
  this
• 5:11
  remind
• 5:12
  my
• 5:12
  nervous
• 5:12
  system
• 5:12
  of?"
• 5:14
  That's
• 5:14
  number
• 5:14
  two.
• 5:15
  Number
• 5:15
  three,
• 5:16
  catch
• 5:17
  the
• 5:17
  pattern
• 5:17
  before
• 5:18
  the
• 5:18
  reaction.
• 5:19
  This
• 5:20
  one
• 5:20
  changes
• 5:20
  absolutely
• 5:21
  everything,
• 5:22
  my
• 5:22
  friends.
• 5:23
  Before
• 5:23
  you
• 5:23
  send
• 5:23
  the
• 5:23
  text,
• 5:24
  before
• 5:24
  you
• 5:24
  shut
• 5:25
  down,
• 5:25
  before
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  try
• 5:25
  to
• 5:26
  overexplain
• 5:26
  everything,
• 5:27
  before
• 5:27
  you
• 5:27
  eat,
• 5:28
  drink,
• 5:28
  scroll,
• 5:28
  fix,
• 5:29
  or
• 5:29
  panic,
• 5:31
  pause.
• 5:32
  Simply
• 5:33
  pause
• 5:34
  and
• 5:34
  ask
• 5:34
  yourself,
• 5:35
  "What
• 5:35
  am
• 5:35
  I
• 5:36
  actually
• 5:36
  feeling
• 5:37
  right
• 5:37
  now?"
• 5:38
  Not
• 5:38
  what
• 5:39
  you
• 5:39
  are
• 5:39
  thinking.
• 5:40
  But
• 5:40
  what
• 5:40
  are
• 5:40
  you
• 5:41
  feeling?
• 5:42
  Because
• 5:42
  most
• 5:42
  coping
• 5:43
  behaviors
• 5:44
  are
• 5:44
  attempts
• 5:44
  to
• 5:44
  avoid
• 5:45
  something
• 5:45
  that
• 5:45
  feels
• 5:45
  uncomfortable,
• 5:47
  and
• 5:47
  awareness
• 5:47
  kind
• 5:48
  of
• 5:48
  creates
• 5:48
  that
• 5:48
  space
• 5:49
  between
• 5:49
  the
• 5:49
  feeling
• 5:50
  and
• 5:50
  the
• 5:50
  reaction,
• 5:51
  and
• 5:51
  that
• 5:51
  space
• 5:52
  is
• 5:52
  so
• 5:52
  powerful.
• 5:53
  So
• 5:54
  pause.
• 5:54
  They
• 5:55
  always
• 5:55
  say,
• 5:55
  you
• 5:55
  hear
• 5:55
  it
• 5:55
  in
• 5:56
  speeches,
• 5:56
  you
• 5:56
  hear
• 5:56
  it
• 5:56
  when
• 5:57
  people
• 5:57
  are
• 5:57
  on
• 5:57
  stage,
• 5:58
  they
• 5:58
  say
• 5:58
  there
• 5:58
  is
• 5:59
  so
• 5:59
  much
• 5:59
  power
• 5:59
  in
• 6:00
  the
• 6:00
  pause.
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  took
• 6:01
  that
• 6:01
  and
• 6:02
  put
• 6:02
  that
• 6:02
  into
• 6:02
  everything
• 6:03
  in
• 6:03
  my
• 6:03
  life.
• 6:04
  When
• 6:04
  I
• 6:04
  was
• 6:04
  angry
• 6:04
  with
• 6:04
  my
• 6:05
  kids,
• 6:06
  I
• 6:06
  took
• 6:06
  a
• 6:06
  breath,
• 6:07
  I
• 6:07
  breathed,
• 6:08
  I
• 6:08
  paused,
• 6:09
  and
• 6:09
  then
• 6:09
  I
• 6:09
  responded,
• 6:10
  because
• 6:11
  that
• 6:11
  is
• 6:11
  when
• 6:11
  you
• 6:11
  start
• 6:12
  responding
• 6:13
  versus
• 6:13
  just
• 6:13
  reacting.
• 6:14
  number
• 6:14
  four:
• 6:15
  stop
• 6:16
  judging
• 6:17
  the
• 6:17
  pattern
• 6:17
  immediately.
• 6:18
  This
• 6:18
  is
• 6:18
  huge,
• 6:19
  because
• 6:20
  the
• 6:20
  second
• 6:20
  most
• 6:20
  people
• 6:21
  notice
• 6:21
  a
• 6:21
  pattern,
• 6:22
  they
• 6:22
  shame
• 6:22
  themselves
• 6:23
  for
• 6:23
  it.
• 6:23
  "I
• 6:24
  shouldn't
• 6:24
  do
• 6:24
  this.
• 6:25
  What's
• 6:25
  wrong
• 6:25
  with
• 6:25
  me?
• 6:25
  I
• 6:26
  thought
• 6:26
  I
• 6:26
  already
• 6:26
  healed
• 6:27
  this.
• 6:27
  I'm
• 6:27
  over
• 6:27
  this.
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  should
• 6:28
  know
• 6:28
  better."
• 6:30
  And
• 6:30
  you
• 6:30
  start
• 6:30
  shame
• 6:30
  cycling
• 6:31
  yourself,
• 6:31
  and
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  get
• 6:32
  into
• 6:32
  this
• 6:32
  big
• 6:32
  shame
• 6:33
  spiral,
• 6:33
  which
• 6:33
  is
• 6:34
  a
• 6:34
  lot,
• 6:34
  and
• 6:34
  I
• 6:35
  believe
• 6:35
  at
• 6:35
  the
• 6:36
  core
• 6:38
  of
• 6:38
  why
• 6:38
  we
• 6:38
  can't
• 6:39
  get
• 6:39
  better.
• 6:39
  We
• 6:39
  are
• 6:39
  stuck
• 6:40
  in
• 6:40
  a
• 6:40
  shame
• 6:40
  spiral
• 6:41
  of
• 6:42
  feeling
• 6:42
  like
• 6:42
  not
• 6:42
  worthy
• 6:43
  enough,
• 6:43
  not
• 6:43
  good
• 6:43
  enough,
• 6:44
  not
• 6:44
  being
• 6:44
  able
• 6:44
  to
• 6:44
  do
• 6:44
  anything.
• 6:45
  But
• 6:46
  honestly,
• 6:46
  it's
• 6:46
  those
• 6:46
  patterns
• 6:47
  that
• 6:48
  were
• 6:48
  created
• 6:48
  to
• 6:48
  protect
• 6:49
  you.
• 6:50
  So
• 6:50
  awareness
• 6:51
  is
• 6:51
  not
• 6:51
  about
• 6:51
  attacking
• 6:52
  yourself,
• 6:52
  it's
• 6:52
  about
• 6:53
  realizing
• 6:53
  that,
• 6:53
  and
• 6:54
  it's
• 6:54
  about
• 6:54
  understanding
• 6:55
  yourself.
• 6:56
  You
• 6:56
  cannot
• 6:56
  heal
• 6:56
  in
• 6:57
  the
• 6:57
  same
• 6:57
  voice
• 6:57
  that
• 6:57
  wounded
• 6:58
  you.
• 6:59
  You
• 6:59
  just
• 6:59
  can't.
• 7:00
  If
• 7:00
  you're
• 7:00
  going
• 7:01
  through
• 7:01
  the
• 7:01
  same
• 7:01
  motions,
• 7:02
  the
• 7:02
  same
• 7:02
  ideas,
• 7:03
  the
• 7:03
  same
• 7:03
  thoughts
• 7:04
  in
• 7:04
  your
• 7:04
  head,
• 7:05
  you're
• 7:05
  never
• 7:05
  going
• 7:05
  to
• 7:05
  get
• 7:06
  better.
• 7:07
  So
• 7:07
  again,
• 7:08
  stop
• 7:08
  attacking
• 7:09
  yourself,
• 7:09
  look
• 7:09
  at
• 7:09
  it
• 7:09
  with
• 7:10
  curiosity,
• 7:10
  not
• 7:11
  judgment.
• 7:11
  I
• 7:12
  always
• 7:12
  say
• 7:12
  that
• 7:12
  when
• 7:12
  you
• 7:12
  look
• 7:13
  at
• 7:13
  things
• 7:13
  with
• 7:13
  curiosity,
• 7:14
  without
• 7:14
  judgment
• 7:15
  and,
• 7:15
  and
• 7:16
  condemning
• 7:16
  somebody,
• 7:17
  it
• 7:17
  softens
• 7:18
  the
• 7:18
  entire
• 7:19
  mood
• 7:19
  and
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  entire
• 7:20
  situation.
• 7:21
  When
• 7:21
  the
• 7:21
  mood
• 7:21
  is
• 7:21
  softer,
• 7:22
  you
• 7:22
  are
• 7:22
  now
• 7:23
  out
• 7:23
  of
• 7:23
  your
• 7:23
  amygdala,
• 7:24
  you're
• 7:24
  into
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  regular
• 7:25
  thinking
• 7:25
  part
• 7:26
  of
• 7:26
  your
• 7:26
  brain,
• 7:27
  and
• 7:27
  you
• 7:27
  can
• 7:27
  actually
• 7:28
  make
• 7:28
  good
• 7:28
  decisions.
• 7:30
  Number
• 7:30
  five:
• 7:32
  practice
• 7:32
  small
• 7:32
  interruptions
• 7:33
  instead
• 7:33
  of
• 7:34
  expecting
• 7:34
  instant
• 7:35
  transformation.
• 7:36
  I
• 7:36
  hear
• 7:37
  this
• 7:37
  so
• 7:38
  often.
• 7:38
  "I
• 7:38
  don't
• 7:39
  know
• 7:39
  why
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  can't
• 7:39
  get
• 7:40
  through
• 7:40
  this.
• 7:40
  I
• 7:40
  don't...
• 7:41
  I,
• 7:42
  I'm
• 7:42
  doing
• 7:42
  all
• 7:42
  the
• 7:42
  things.
• 7:43
  I'm
• 7:43
  practicing.
• 7:43
  I'm
• 7:44
  doing
• 7:44
  everything
• 7:44
  you
• 7:44
  said,
• 7:45
  and
• 7:45
  I'm
• 7:46
  not
• 7:46
  having
• 7:46
  this
• 7:46
  great
• 7:47
  big
• 7:47
  huge
• 7:47
  breakthrough.
• 7:49
  I'm
• 7:49
  not
• 7:49
  being
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  person
• 7:50
  I
• 7:50
  wanna
• 7:50
  be."
• 7:51
  Well,
• 7:51
  guys,
• 7:52
  it
• 7:52
  could
• 7:52
  have
• 7:52
  taken
• 7:52
  you
• 7:53
  10,
• 7:53
  maybe
• 7:53
  20,
• 7:54
  maybe
• 7:54
  30,
• 7:55
  maybe
• 7:55
  even
• 7:55
  40
• 7:56
  or
• 7:56
  50
• 7:56
  years
• 7:57
  of
• 7:57
  developing
• 7:57
  and
• 7:58
  living
• 7:58
  these
• 7:58
  patterns
• 8:00
  to
• 8:00
  get
• 8:00
  to
• 8:00
  the
• 8:00
  point
• 8:00
  where
• 8:00
  you're
• 8:01
  at.
• 8:02
  So
• 8:02
  I
• 8:02
  can
• 8:02
  honestly
• 8:03
  tell
• 8:03
  you,
• 8:04
  healing
• 8:04
  happens
• 8:04
  in
• 8:05
  tiny
• 8:05
  little
• 8:05
  moments,
• 8:06
  tiny
• 8:06
  little
• 8:07
  moments
• 8:07
  of
• 8:07
  awareness
• 8:08
  repeated
• 8:08
  consistently.
• 8:10
  So
• 8:10
  try
• 8:10
  these
• 8:11
  things.
• 8:12
  Pause
• 8:12
  before
• 8:12
  reacting.
• 8:13
  Just
• 8:13
  pause.
• 8:14
  Take
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  pause,
• 8:14
  breathe,
• 8:15
  and
• 8:15
  then
• 8:15
  think.
• 8:16
  Saying
• 8:17
  no
• 8:17
  just
• 8:17
  once.
• 8:19
  Take
• 8:19
  a
• 8:19
  deep
• 8:19
  breath.
• 8:20
  Speak
• 8:21
  honestly.
• 8:21
  When
• 8:22
  something
• 8:22
  comes
• 8:22
  up
• 8:22
  and
• 8:23
  you
• 8:23
  wanna
• 8:23
  say
• 8:23
  something,
• 8:24
  honestly
• 8:24
  speak
• 8:25
  your
• 8:25
  truth.
• 8:26
  Recognize
• 8:27
  your
• 8:27
  triggers,
• 8:28
  and
• 8:29
  for
• 8:29
  one
• 8:29
  moment,
• 8:30
  choose
• 8:31
  you.
• 8:32
  Choose
• 8:32
  you
• 8:33
  for
• 8:33
  just
• 8:33
  one
• 8:33
  minute.
• 8:34
  That's
• 8:34
  how
• 8:35
  the
• 8:35
  rewiring
• 8:35
  happens,
• 8:36
  one
• 8:37
  little
• 8:37
  tiny
• 8:37
  interruption
• 8:39
  of
• 8:39
  a
• 8:39
  pattern
• 8:39
  at
• 8:39
  a
• 8:39
  time.
• 8:40
  And
• 8:41
  honestly,
• 8:41
  I
• 8:42
  think
• 8:42
  this
• 8:42
  is
• 8:42
  why
• 8:42
  awareness
• 8:43
  can
• 8:43
  feel
• 8:43
  exhausting
• 8:44
  at
• 8:44
  first.
• 8:45
  Because
• 8:45
  once
• 8:45
  you
• 8:45
  start
• 8:46
  waking
• 8:46
  up
• 8:46
  to
• 8:47
  your
• 8:47
  patterns,
• 8:47
  you
• 8:47
  realize
• 8:48
  how
• 8:48
  often
• 8:48
  you've
• 8:49
  been
• 8:49
  operating
• 8:49
  on
• 8:50
  autopilot,
• 8:50
  and
• 8:50
  how
• 8:51
  often
• 8:51
  you've
• 8:51
  been
• 8:51
  abandoning
• 8:52
  yourself.
• 8:53
  But
• 8:53
  eventually,
• 8:54
  awareness
• 8:54
  becomes
• 8:55
  freedom,
• 8:55
  because
• 8:56
  you
• 8:56
  stop
• 8:56
  living
• 8:57
  unconsciously.
• 8:58
  You
• 8:58
  stop
• 8:58
  repeating
• 8:59
  things
• 8:59
  automatically,
• 9:00
  you
• 9:00
  stop
• 9:00
  abandoning
• 9:01
  yourself
• 9:01
  without
• 9:02
  even
• 9:02
  noticing,
• 9:03
  and
• 9:03
  you
• 9:03
  start
• 9:03
  becoming
• 9:04
  intentional.
• 9:05
  You
• 9:05
  start
• 9:05
  choosing.
• 9:06
  You
• 9:06
  start
• 9:06
  responding
• 9:07
  instead
• 9:07
  of
• 9:07
  reacting.
• 9:09
  And
• 9:09
  once
• 9:09
  you
• 9:09
  start
• 9:10
  doing
• 9:10
  that,
• 9:10
  and
• 9:10
  you
• 9:10
  start
• 9:10
  choosing
• 9:11
  and
• 9:11
  making
• 9:11
  better
• 9:11
  choices,
• 9:12
  everything
• 9:13
  changes.
• 9:14
  Everything.
• 9:15
  So
• 9:15
  if
• 9:15
  you're
• 9:15
  someone
• 9:16
  who
• 9:16
  feels
• 9:16
  frustrated
• 9:17
  because
• 9:17
  you,
• 9:17
  quote-unquote,
• 9:18
  "know
• 9:18
  better,"
• 9:19
  but
• 9:19
  you
• 9:19
  still
• 9:19
  keep
• 9:19
  repeating
• 9:20
  the
• 9:20
  same
• 9:20
  patterns,
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  want
• 9:22
  you
• 9:22
  to
• 9:22
  know
• 9:22
  that
• 9:22
  awareness
• 9:23
  is
• 9:23
  not
• 9:23
  the
• 9:23
  finish
• 9:24
  line.
• 9:25
  It's
• 9:25
  the
• 9:25
  beginning.
• 9:26
  Once
• 9:26
  you
• 9:26
  become
• 9:27
  aware,
• 9:28
  you
• 9:28
  can
• 9:28
  start
• 9:28
  doing
• 9:29
  these
• 9:29
  little
• 9:29
  tweaks
• 9:30
  every
• 9:30
  single
• 9:30
  day
• 9:31
  to
• 9:31
  make
• 9:31
  things
• 9:31
  better.
• 9:32
  And
• 9:32
  if
• 9:32
  this
• 9:32
  is
• 9:33
  the
• 9:33
  work
• 9:33
  you're
• 9:33
  navigating
• 9:33
  right
• 9:34
  now,
• 9:34
  if
• 9:34
  you've
• 9:34
  started
• 9:35
  to
• 9:35
  recognize
• 9:35
  these
• 9:36
  patterns
• 9:36
  in
• 9:36
  yourself
• 9:36
  and
• 9:37
  you
• 9:37
  want
• 9:37
  support
• 9:37
  unpacking
• 9:38
  them,
• 9:38
  this
• 9:38
  is
• 9:39
  exactly
• 9:39
  the
• 9:39
  work
• 9:40
  that
• 9:40
  I
• 9:40
  do.
• 9:40
  Through
• 9:40
  my
• 9:41
  coaching
• 9:41
  and
• 9:41
  through
• 9:41
  my
• 9:41
  podcast,
• 9:42
  I
• 9:42
  help
• 9:42
  people
• 9:43
  connect
• 9:43
  the
• 9:43
  dots
• 9:43
  between
• 9:44
  their
• 9:44
  childhood
• 9:45
  experiences,
• 9:46
  nervous
• 9:46
  system
• 9:46
  patterns,
• 9:47
  emotional
• 9:48
  reactions,
• 9:48
  and
• 9:48
  the
• 9:48
  way
• 9:49
  they
• 9:49
  show
• 9:49
  up
• 9:49
  in
• 9:49
  their
• 9:49
  relationships
• 9:50
  in
• 9:50
  every
• 9:51
  single
• 9:51
  day,
• 9:52
  every
• 9:53
  single
• 9:53
  day
• 9:53
  of
• 9:53
  their
• 9:53
  lives.
• 9:54
  So
• 9:54
  if
• 9:54
  you
• 9:54
  want,
• 9:55
  just
• 9:55
  go
• 9:55
  below,
• 9:55
  go
• 9:56
  to
• 9:56
  the
• 9:56
  show
• 9:56
  notes.
• 9:56
  You
• 9:56
  can
• 9:57
  book
• 9:57
  a
• 9:57
  free
• 9:58
  clarity
• 9:58
  and
• 9:58
  calm
• 9:58
  call
• 9:59
  with
• 9:59
  me.
• 9:59
  All
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  links
• 10:00
  are
• 10:00
  there,
• 10:01
  and
• 10:01
  we
• 10:01
  can
• 10:01
  start
• 10:02
  helping
• 10:02
  you
• 10:02
  understand
• 10:03
  not
• 10:03
  just
• 10:03
  what
• 10:04
  your
• 10:04
  patterns
• 10:04
  are,
• 10:05
  but
• 10:05
  actually
• 10:05
  how
• 10:05
  to
• 10:06
  change
• 10:06
  them
• 10:06
  in
• 10:07
  real
• 10:07
  time.
• 10:08
  Because
• 10:08
  awareness
• 10:08
  isn't
• 10:09
  about
• 10:09
  becoming
• 10:09
  critical
• 10:10
  of
• 10:10
  yourself,
• 10:11
  I
• 10:11
  promise
• 10:11
  you,
• 10:11
  my
• 10:11
  friends.
• 10:12
  It's
• 10:12
  about
• 10:13
  finally
• 10:13
  seeing
• 10:14
  yourself
• 10:14
  clearly,
• 10:15
  and
• 10:15
  that's
• 10:16
  where
• 10:16
  the
• 10:16
  healing
• 10:16
  begins.
• 10:17
  We
• 10:17
  will
• 10:18
  see
• 10:18
  you
• 10:18
  back
• 10:18
  next
• 10:19
  time,
• 10:19
  and
• 10:19
  until
• 10:19
  then,
• 10:20
  love
• 10:20
  you
• 10:20
  guys.