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Becoming Anchored S2E5: How to Get the Most out of Therapy · Becoming Anchored

0:05
Hi, everyone.
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Welcome back to the Becoming Anchored podcast.
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It's good to be with you all this morning.
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I'm Lauren Jackson.
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This is Laura Deneen.
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We're the hosts of Becoming Anchored.
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We're two licensed therapists in the Brentwood, Tennessee area.
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We work in a group private practice.
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We see all kinds of things and we work with all kinds of people and we really
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love what we do And we're excited to continue this journey with you all on
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this podcast platform Quick disclaimer before we get in today's content.
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Um This podcast and this episode is meant for informational purposes
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only so if you are finding That as you're listening to our content in
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our episode today that you might benefit from working with a therapist.
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If you're local to us, reach out.
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We'd love to connect with you.
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If not, reach out to someone local to you.
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So this is not intended to be your therapy.
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However, we hope that it is encouraging to you all today.
1:02
Yeah, thanks, Lauren.
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We're so glad to be with you all today.
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And if you're new to this show, then welcome.
1:09
We're so, so glad to have you here.
1:12
Um, we would love to hear from you.
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So definitely shoot us an email or follow us on Instagram at becoming anchored co.
1:18
Um, and yeah, Lauren came to me a while ago just with a desire to start a podcast.
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And so, you know, I just jumped right on board and we have had so much fun.
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It's brought us both so much fulfillment and joy today.
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doing this show.
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And so we're so glad to have you.
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Really, the purpose of this podcast is twofold.
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So one, we're really just first and foremost humans.
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And we are here to ride the waves of life with you all.
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As you know, life can be really hard.
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It can be messy.
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And we're here just to be humans with you all first and foremost.
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And then secondly, we have the amazing gift of sitting
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with clients on a daily basis.
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And Lauren and I both just truly love our work and we find it so rewarding and
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we really, really love being therapists.
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And so we will also be sharing some of our therapeutic wisdom on this podcast.
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If you're local to Tennessee, we would love to see you.
2:10
So please reach out.
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If not, we encourage you to find him.
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local to you.
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So today we were kind of chatting about what we wanted to talk about
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and Lauren and I both agreed that we are going to be talking about
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how to get the most out of therapy.
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So this feels like a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
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I know it's near and dear to Lauren's heart as well.
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And Lauren is really in the details of Anchored training our staff and
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our team to, um, really, you know, be the best therapist that they can be
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and show up fully for their clients.
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And so, yeah, I think that we have a lot of good nuggets of wisdom to share today.
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Yeah.
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Um, as I'm thinking about this topic of like how to get the most out of therapy,
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um, uh, the first thing that kind of comes to mind is, um, you know, if we're
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investing in a therapist and we're going to therapy and we're kind of invested
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in that process, um, I F it, it feels.
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Like, maybe a common curiosity that perhaps some people listening might
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wonder of, well, why would you not want to get the most out of therapy?
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Or like, why, I wonder why this is like a, a thing that maybe
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some people struggle with.
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Um, you know, especially if we're paying for it and if we're choosing to spend
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our time, time, you know, in that way.
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And, you know, I think for those of us who have been in the therapy space,
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it's the client and maybe those who are listening who either have been or are.
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Um, one of the things that we say to our new clients when we're, um,
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kind of And then take processes.
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Um, we kind of talk through risks and benefits of counseling.
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And so, um, some of the risk of counseling is that it doesn't always feel good.
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Yeah.
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And, um, and it, it, it can like feel kind of really bad.
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Um, and so that can, that, that, Because of like our human instinct reaction
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towards pain of any kind, whether it's physical or emotional, I think that it's
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common, or it's, it can be really common as we get into the process and start
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touching on like wounds or pain points that we would have a tendency to like pull
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back and to, um, do the things that we do, um, in the midst of pain that maybe aren't
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always like The most functional or the most healthy and I will like raise my hand
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and say I literally did this other day.
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So So, yeah, that's the first thought that comes to my mind is What do you
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mean how to get the most out of therapy?
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like are there people who don't want to get like something out of therapy
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and It's like well, I don't know if it's that we don't want to I wonder if
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it's that sometimes the pain that can show up can cause a natural avoidance
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reaction and so Um, yeah, that's just the first thing that, like, came to
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my mind as I was thinking about this.
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can all have a tendency to avoid and Yeah, I mean like you said I don't
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think that anyone signs up for the therapy process and is like I don't
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want to get something out of this.
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Right.
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But this is this episode really is to address the purpose of this
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episode is to address the the nuances that we will see both in ourselves
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and You know, working with clients.
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And so like Lauren's talking about, we as humans avoid in all sorts of ways.
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And especially as we begin therapy, it can almost be like peeling back
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the layers of an onion or, um, kind of thinking of it like shoveling dirt.
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So when we shovel, we kind of dig in and then we.
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We get the dirt and we kind of move up, so I'm using my hands if
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you're not watching this episode.
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Essentially, we get, we, we oftentimes feel worse before we feel better
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in the therapeutic process because we are uncovering maybe, um,
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unhelpful or problematic behaviors.
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Maybe we're grieving something or maybe we're working through
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our shame about something and that can feel really hard because
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We don't necessarily wake up and, and think yeah, I want to feel a
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lot of shame today or yeah, I really want to work through my grief.
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Um, so this is where taking a posture of being willing to do the work in
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therapy, even if we don't necessarily want to, can be a helpful reframe.
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for, for you if you're listening today and you're maybe newer to the
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therapy process, or maybe you've been a client for a long time and you've done
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extensive therapy and you're in a season where therapy does feel really hard.
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And so we're just here to say, if that's the case for you,
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that is a normal response.
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Yeah, yeah, totally.
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Yeah,
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we talk a lot in the practice too about approaching versus avoiding so Lauren
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referenced this but yeah, it's it's the idea of hey, can I approach my pain
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with the hope that I can make meaning of it or learn new ways of coping or
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move through my grief versus Avoiding it and that takes a lot of strength.
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It takes a lot of courage Um It takes a lot of people, I think, in
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our lives that hopefully we have people that are supporting us as
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we're approaching our pain as well.
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Mm hmm.
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Yeah.
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And it's not uncommon either to start the therapeutic process going in with
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an idea of what you want to work on and like the goals you have and then maybe
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you and your therapist establish that.
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In the first few sessions and then, and then maybe either quickly on
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or at some point on in the process that changes and new things come up
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that maybe, um, um, need more of the attention and maybe those things are
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perhaps even a little bit more painful.
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So, um, it feels like something we're kind of a theme we're kind of talking
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about underneath this umbrella of like how to get them a set of therapies.
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Um, this idea of like, um, like you just said, Laura, like leaning
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in versus like pulling away.
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And I think
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big answer to this question, how to get the most out of therapy is to,
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um, always try and lean in, right?
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Like to, to pay attention to when it feels more natural to lean in, when
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you're trying, when you're wanting to pull away and can I lean into the process?
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Um, And then there are, of course, like, underneath that, like, all different
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other little things that we can do to also really reap the benefits and all of the
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good things that come out of the process.
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And when we were talking, um, about what we wanted to talk about on
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this episode, like, what topic, um, Laura, you had mentioned this idea as
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well of, like, finding a therapist.
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Like, how do you find a good therapist?
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How do you find a therapist that, um, Um, and then there's a lot of other
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people that you know, you feel is really qualified and, um, is perhaps
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maybe even specialized in the thing that you're seeking out therapy
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for, who, um, is going to be really invested in you and your process and,
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um, and who's going to challenge you.
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Um, and sometimes we can't always know that until we get
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in the room with someone, maybe even for a couple of sessions.
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Sure.
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Um, so I think that that can be a really important kind of,
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um, Uh, first step maybe in.
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This idea of how do I get the most out of my therapy space?
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Um, well, I need to find the right therapist for me.
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Yeah, yeah, and I think that's a wonderful point.
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I mean, reading a bio is one thing, but then as humans, when we're face to face
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with someone, that is something else.
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So yeah, I mean, most practices will do a free 15 or 20 minute console
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and we, and Lauren is actually doing that on the front end for
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clients that we take on at Anchored.
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Um, but I think that is really valuable and some questions that you might ask
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your therapist is how do you practice?
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Um, and the way that we would most likely answer that is
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we are relationally oriented.
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We collaborate with your team, whether that's a physician
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or psychiatrist or dietitian.
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Um, we are direct and we find that challenging our clients,
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of course, in a loving kind way really supports their growth.
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And we have a treatment plan and we want our clients to be
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working towards their goals.
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And of course they can see us as long as they feel comfortable.
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They feel that they're getting something out of it, but we are
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kind of always reevaluating their treatment plan and asking them whether
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they feel like they are getting what they need out of their time with us.
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So certainly take advantage of that 15 or 20 minute free consultation
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most practices do offer that.
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Um, and then I would also encourage you to ask what their experience is in working
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with whatever you are struggling with.
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You So, we treat a lot of eating disorders and OCD, anxiety.
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A lot of us are trained in, in various trauma treatments.
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And so, definitely ask what their experience is in working
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with other individuals that have your same presenting concerns.
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So, those are just my tips around the, kind of that first step of
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finding a therapist that can be really fruitful to your therapeutic journey.
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Yeah.
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And you have permission to, you know, it's.
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You're a few sessions and it doesn't feel like a good fit to
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like speak up and say that, right?
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And I think that can be part of our part of the the work we can do to get the
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most out of therapy because then if if you're you don't say anything Because
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you don't want to hurt the therapist's feelings and you just keep doing therapy
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with them You're not going to get the most out of it because it's not maybe
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the safest or help, I don't know, whatever relational fit with a therapist.
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And so that can impact how much, how much you get out of that therapeutic process.
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Yeah.
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Um, yeah.
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Yeah.
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And I know that therapists I've seen, I value warmth.
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I value openness.
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Of course they've had appropriate boundaries, but I really want to
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feel like I know them as well and that they're like really with me.
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Um, with whatever I'm talking about.
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And I kind of have a good gauge on that at this point in my being a client, right,
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that I kind of know what I'm looking for.
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And so like Lauren said, I think a lot of times clients might be afraid of hurting
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their therapist's feelings or, um, you know, not speaking up if they don't feel
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like they're getting what they need, or perhaps they don't feel like they're
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making progress towards their goals.
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And that can be, um, um, problematic in and of itself because as good
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therapists, hopefully we are all wanting our clients to make progress towards
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their goals and we're wanting them to live beautiful and meaningful lives.
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And I think that's the mark of a good therapist is like, yeah, I do want
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you to meet your goals and I want you to live a values based life and live
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a beautiful, big, fulfilling life.
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Um, and that's certainly what I know that you want.
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for your clients and what I want for my clients.
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Um, so those are all just tips that we have.
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Um, and then we will ask our clients if they feel like they
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are getting what they need.
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And so if your therapist hasn't asked that, it's okay to speak up.
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It's okay to, um, share that you may or may not be getting what you need
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from, from a counselor or therapist.
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Um, but circling back to this, like, leaning in, yeah.
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Versus, um, avoiding one other thing that came to mind as you were talking,
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Lauren, is really leaning into our why.
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I was actually just talking to a client about this yesterday, but
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when things get hard, what is my why?
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That can really be helpful in terms of answering this question of how
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to get the most out of therapy.
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There will be times when maybe we feel like we take two steps forward and one
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steps back, but going back to our why, and why am I showing up for myself?
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Why am I doing this hard work?
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And we have to be careful not to slide into shame when we ask ourselves why.
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So really having a posture of curiosity around that I found can also help
15:20
us get the most out of therapy.
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So short term, I might be uncomfortable, but longterm, I know why I'm continuing
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to make the intentional choice to show up to therapy, even if it is really hard.
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Yeah, yeah, so you're kind of, um, utilizing, like, value, your values.
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Like, what am I valuing that is helping me lean into this thing when it gets hard?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Which, our values help us, um, live the life that we want to live, um, they
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help us stay within that like vein of what is meaningful and important to us
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even when there's pain or difficulty.
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Our, our values are like a guide.
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They're like, it's helpful, like guide.
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And so they can, that can be really like beneficial when you're
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thinking about, um, Oh wait, okay.
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I'm on session number whatever.
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And why am I still coming?
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This kind of sucks right
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now.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Or maybe my therapist is pointing something out that I've struggled with,
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but I've pushed down, or I've suppressed, and gosh this feels really icky right
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now, uncomfortable to talk about.
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I have literally been a client and like slid down the couch, or like tried to
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like shimmy my way out of a conversation.
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And I'm laughing about this now because this was, I don't know, eight, seven
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years ago, and my therapist was calling something out and, um, whatever.
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However you respond is okay, but staying in it, whether that means you need to
16:53
shimmy down the couch or sit on the floor, or perhaps your therapist asks to sit
16:58
on the floor with you, whatever it is, that's okay, but there's just permission
17:02
to be human in the therapy space, and hopefully good, effective therapists will
17:07
be able to be in that pain with you in a way that helps you, Um, move through the
17:13
pain and then also become more resilient.
17:16
Um, but those kind of icky, uncomfortable moments, I have
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certainly experienced that as a client.
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And I can do the shimmy, like, in uncomfortable conversations
17:26
with my husband, Sean, as well.
17:27
So that's not just, like, a therapy thing.
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Mm
17:30
hmm.
17:31
Yeah.
17:32
I think that could be helpful, too.
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And this Brought you telling that story brought this thought up for me We're
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all about and if you've listened to any of our episodes so far We're all about
17:42
this idea of like building awareness and building insight and a receptive
17:45
awareness and knowing our internal world our internal process and so that
17:50
can be a helpful thing to utilize in this space when we're thinking about
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My tendency to like, avoid or lean away.
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What, how do I know when I'm doing that?
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Like, how do I know when I'm starting to do that?
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Like Laura, maybe she like, her body starts getting uncomfortable.
18:07
She starts like, you know, whatever.
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I, um, I will, like, avoid eye contact.
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So if I, if I can have that, like, interoceptive awareness, like, in the
18:17
moment in my sessions when I'm starting to notice, oh, I'm, like, totally,
18:20
like, avoiding eye contact, something must feel uncomfortable right now.
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Oh, that's an indication that I need to lean in.
18:27
Right, or even put words to that.
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Yes, like, put words to, oh, you know, whoever your therapist is,
18:34
I'm, like, noticing, like, this thing is happening in my body right now.
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I think that this is, like, this is really uncomfortable for me.
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Um, and so, so, you will hear that theme come up in every single one of
18:46
our episodes, this noticing, building awareness, knowing, knowing, our,
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it, like, our interpersonal, that interpersonal relationship, and so, um,
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you're going to get, you're going to get something really great out of therapy
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in that moment with your therapist, if you can pause and say this thing,
19:03
you're It's happening right now because chances are that's happening all the
19:07
time outside of the therapy room And so if you have a good therapist, they're
19:10
helping point that out for you, too So that awareness piece is important.
19:15
Um, and then when we think about so getting the most out of therapy that
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looks like probably like Moving towards our goals, getting healthier, growing,
19:26
whatever that thing is for you, right?
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And so, here at Anchored, and, and you guys probably, if you've
19:33
been listening, know this about us now, that we give homework.
19:36
Um, and we call it homework because we don't really know
19:38
another good word to use for it.
19:39
It's not like you don't get graded on it.
19:41
You're not coming in and we're giving like an A, B, or C, right?
19:44
Um, But we, the reason we do is because I tell my clients this, 95
19:51
to 98 percent of your therapeutic work happens outside of this room.
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Like 5 percent maybe happens with me because I'm only seeing
19:57
you maybe 50 minutes a week.
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And that's a significant 50 minutes or 5 percent or whatever.
20:03
And um, that other 95 percent is just super important.
20:09
And so we find that if we can give our clients a thing.
20:13
Um, whatever that is to take with them.
20:16
Um, we're giving them something valuable and they are going to
20:20
continue that therapeutic process hopefully in between the span of our
20:24
time so that they can reach their goals faster or whatever, right?
20:28
Make that growth in a more productive or consistent way or whatever.
20:34
So, um, so that could be another really important thing to kind of
20:38
have on your radar when you're.
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Looking at therapists, maybe having a 15 minute consult,
20:44
what, do you give homework?
20:46
Do you like, how do you encourage your therapists outside of, you
20:49
know, when they're leaving your session, in between sessions?
20:51
Um, Maybe speaking up and asking for hey, we talked about this thing today.
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How can I take that with me?
20:57
Can you help me help me know what to do in between sessions to like
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continue processing this thing?
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Um, so so maybe Maybe looking for that in a therapist and then I would say like
21:13
Yeah.
21:14
Yeah.
21:15
Yeah.
21:15
And, yeah, and I, I love this.
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Um, and as someone who has, you know, I know that we've both been in therapy for
21:25
quite some time and Lauren and I really value getting feedback from our therapists
21:29
or from people that love us well, um, and that can be really, really helpful.
21:33
And sometimes we don't feel like doing the homework or sometimes we.
21:40
Um, are afraid of what might come up if we do the homework, or
21:45
sometimes we just don't do it at all.
21:47
And so, even if your therapist has assigned some homework for you, and
21:51
you don't do it, there's still room to process that in therapy, right?
21:57
So, I know I have certainly avoided doing homework, and
22:00
I'll take ownership over that.
22:01
And then my therapist and I talked about what was happening for me, and, um, Is
22:07
it because I had too many commitments?
22:08
Is it because I didn't want to feel the emotion that might come up
22:11
when I was completing the homework?
22:13
What was it that got in the way of me doing the homework?
22:15
Because even that can be really rich information to talk
22:21
about in the therapy space.
22:22
So your therapist is not going to be disappointed or mad at you for not
22:26
doing the homework, but rather a skilled clinician is going to talk about what's
22:31
underneath and what caused you to perhaps.
22:36
Avoid doing the homework with loving care.
22:38
And this is why there is that professional relationship To be able
22:43
to process that for you in a healthy way And maybe it's too much too soon.
22:50
Whatever it might be is okay and we can we can work through that
22:55
together in the therapeutic space
22:59
Yeah, yeah Any other sounds you can think of that That can help
23:04
us get the most out of therapy.
23:05
I'm just trying to think of like any other kind of practical little tidbits, um,
23:11
that might be helpful or that are useful, uh, maybe at like as us as therapists,
23:16
but then also like us as clients.
23:18
Cause we both clients too.
23:20
Yeah.
23:21
I mean, I definitely think, um, even if you don't have the ability to practice
23:25
that awareness, hopefully your therapist is pointing that out so that you can
23:28
start noticing either the shimmying or the lack of eye contact outside of therapy.
23:35
Um, I definitely think building a network of safe people who know about
23:40
your therapeutic process, we are really continually working on that
23:46
with our clients because we want them to practice the skills both on an
23:52
intrapersonal and interpersonal level that they are learning in therapy,
23:56
but again this work can be hard and so we all benefit from having community.
24:01
And so different mental health diagnoses that I've received over the years, having
24:06
people that, you know, I know are with me in it and building out that safe
24:12
network of people that know what I may be struggling with has just been really
24:16
fruitful for me and My best friend will sometimes text me and be like, Hey, would
24:21
you talk to your therapist about today?
24:23
Or is there any way that I can support you?
24:25
Or did she give you any homework and do you need accountability around that?
24:29
Um, and of course my husband knows and different people in my life that
24:33
have felt safe to me, but I do think that that can just be an additional
24:37
layer to address with clients.
24:39
And if you're listening and you're in therapy, I would encourage you to
24:43
consider thinking about sharing with a safe person, um, because again,
24:48
your therapist most likely hopefully adores you and is your biggest
24:52
cheerleader, and we also need people outside of our therapist to support us.
24:57
Yeah, yeah, totally.
24:59
I that
25:00
came to mind.
25:01
Yeah,
25:01
I love that point.
25:02
Because, um, I think we, you and I, Laura, have both seen firsthand that
25:08
our clients who either we help them cultivate a support system outside of
25:12
therapy or they have a healthy support system where they can feel safe to
25:15
share the, the things that we're like processing through a therapy, they, um,
25:22
I, I, I can tell that they're getting more out of the, the, the process.
25:26
Yeah.
25:27
Um, because they're probably able to engage with that process even more.
25:29
And then, um, uh, I think the last one is, is even more outside of the session too.
25:32
Yeah.
25:32
Um, yeah.
25:33
Yeah.
25:34
So five things that I like taking away from this, I feel like we've talked
25:38
about just to recap for our listeners.
25:41
So finding a good therapist, you know, 15 minute consult call, if
25:45
they do that, reading bios, asking questions, seeing if in the first
25:51
few sessions, it's a good fit.
25:53
Um, do they give you homework?
25:54
That kind of thing.
25:56
Um, uh, leaning in versus avoiding, um, building awareness,
26:04
that interoceptive awareness.
26:06
Um, Oh, there were two other things that were, that I had,
26:10
um, um, you just said community.
26:13
So, you know, like having safe people, having community, there was
26:15
one other, but I guess you guys get
26:17
the point.
26:17
Well, you talked about giving homework.
26:19
I think that that was.
26:20
Oh, do the homework.
26:21
That was it, do the homework.
26:22
Yeah, yeah.
26:22
Do the homework, yes.
26:24
So those five things, um, I, are the, the kind of five main points that we,
26:28
we really wanted to hit on today that.
26:30
We really believe like for for our clients right now and for us as
26:33
clients really help Help us all get the most out of this process even
26:38
when it's hard and even when it
26:39
yeah Yeah, and just for extra kicks and giggles.
26:42
I just I'm going to add a six so getting expectations and asking your therapist
26:48
about you know, the treatment plan and setting appropriate expectations for
26:54
yourself and you can do that with your therapist, but Oftentimes we are not
27:00
going to experience relief from our pain and suffering in two or three sessions.
27:06
So that just popped in my mind.
27:07
So we'll just add an additional six today.
27:10
Um, but setting expectations, it takes time to change our neural pathways in our
27:16
brain or to make meaning from our pain and suffering to find relief from pain.
27:22
And I think that is important to name today, just because we live in such a.
27:27
fast paced culture, um, where we have almost been conditioned to do this thing
27:33
and then experience this immediate result.
27:35
And therapy takes time.
27:38
That's not to say that we expect our clients to be in therapy forever.
27:43
You know, some clients of mine I've seen for a while, some have
27:45
taken a break and come back to me.
27:47
Of course, we want them to be living, um, their best lives and it does take
27:52
time to shift some of those neural pathways and it takes energy and effort
27:56
and intention so I did want to just add that sixth as it came to mind.
28:00
Just to clarify, so expectations meaning like how frequent do I come
28:04
to therapy and What does that mean?
28:07
What does that look like?
28:08
Yeah.
28:08
Yeah, yeah.
28:09
And, hey therapists, what do you, what is on my treatment plan?
28:13
And, I've shared this, and what is your opinion on that?
28:17
How, how long do you see this process lasting?
28:21
While also knowing what this, this piece of information that I've
28:24
shared today that, you know, most mental health diagnoses are not
28:27
treated in two or three sessions.
28:29
So I think that, just that expectation as a client, if we're going to therapy or if
28:33
we're starting therapy for the first time.
28:34
Okay.
28:37
Thank you all so much for being here.
28:39
We hope this was helpful.
28:40
Um, we are big believers in therapy as, um, therapists who practice daily and
28:45
also as therapists who are clients and who really value the work that we do, um, on
28:52
a personal level with our own therapist.
28:54
So thank you so much.
28:55
As you all know, we like to close with homework and an affirmation.
28:59
So I'm going to go ahead and give you the homework, and Lauren will offer the
29:03
affirmation, but I really want you to think about perhaps what you feel is or
29:10
isn't working in your therapeutic process.
29:13
Um, and then I also want you to think about what you may or may not be avoiding,
29:17
and it's important to think about, to, to practice this through the lens of
29:22
curiosity and grace for yourself as you engage with this homework activity today.
29:26
And then Lauren will close with the affirmation.
29:28
Yeah, so I just wanted to leave you guys with um, um, this quick little thought.
29:35
When things are hard or painful emotionally, um, you are, you
29:43
have the ability to lean in.
29:45
You are strong enough to lean in.
29:47
So, yeah.
29:48
Thank you.
29:49
I'm going to take that with me today too.