Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 34: The Midweek Reset: Stop Setting Boundaries Before Doing This

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EP 34: The Midweek Reset: Stop Setting Boundaries Before Doing This · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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  Have you ever made a decision in the heat of the moment that you later regretted?
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  Maybe in the moment you felt hurt, or rejected, disappointed, or even angry.
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  Maybe someone said something that rubbed you the wrong way.
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  And maybe you just felt left out, overlooked, or even taken for granted.
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  And before you had a time to think it through, you reacted.
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  You sent that text, you quit the group, you unfriended somebody, or you blocked someone.
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  You made a decision that felt right in the moment, but didn't sit right later.
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  Today, we're talking about the space in between the feeling that you're experiencing and the
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  boundary you're trying to set.
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  Because feelings are important, but they shouldn't be the thing making the decisions for us.
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  If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much, and wondering why peace still feels
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  so hard to hold on to, you're in the right place.
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  Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people pleaser, and your boundaries coach.
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  Here we talk about how to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries, and get clear on
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  what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more
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  satisfying.
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  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath, and get into this next episode.
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  Hey friend, I'm your host, Lori Grimes, and this is your midweek reset.
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  So before we jump into today's topic, I wanted to give you a little update from where I'm
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  recording this week.
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  I'm actually recording from Waco, Texas, because my kids got into a program called Baylor TIP,
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  and the TIP just stands for Talent Identification Program.
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  So this is just a class that they can qualify for through an exam and their academics.
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  And once they get into this program, they can take accelerated courses.
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  My son's taking engineering classes, and my daughter's taking art and music composition.
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  So it's been fun to get them to see them get to take these different kinds of courses and
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  see what they really like.
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  So I wanted to say that one thing I've been thinking about while we've been here is that
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  it's so important to continue to take care of the things that matter to you most, even
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  when you're on vacation or things are different than your normal routine.
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  And I've really made sure to keep up with my exercise because I strength train.
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  I try to strength train five days a week.
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  And I found a gym that I actually go to in Austin nearby.
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  And so I've been able to still get in my workout.
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  So that has made me feel really good.
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  I've also stayed on top of my nutrition goals.
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  And I went shopping, got all the stuff I needed at the grocery store, and I stocked the fridge
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  with the foods that I eat on my plan.
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  And no, I have not been perfect.
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  Last night we actually made some s'mores.
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  So we are enjoying this vacation time.
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  And there is some room for flexibility.
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  But I just wanted to make sure that you understand I'm a real mom with real schedule changes.
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  And I do try to live out the things that I teach here on this podcast in real life.
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  So I even brought my podcast equipment with me so I could stay on top of recording and
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  bringing that to you guys.
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  And I even packed my Bible study and a few books I've been reading.
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  Because those are the things that keep us grounded, right?
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  These are the things that we're investing in are really important to us.
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  And I just think that as moms, sometimes we get stuck thinking we got to meet our kids'
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  needs.
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  And we got to let go of our needs to do that.
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  But we don't.
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  So I think this also connects perfectly to today's topic.
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  Because one of the healthiest things we can do is slow down long enough to recognize what
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  we're feeling before we react.
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  So last week, we talked about baby steps with boundaries and finding those safe people around us.
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  Today, I want to switch over to talking about what happens after we identify a feeling and
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  before we set a boundary.
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  Because that's often where the real work is happening.
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  So several years ago, I found myself feeling rejected by a group of friends.
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  I felt hurt and I felt disappointment.
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  I felt angry.
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  And instead of doing this thing I'm telling you to do and slow down and process those
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  feelings, I reacted.
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  I removed people from Facebook.
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  I blocked people.
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  And I made some quick decisions that felt justified in the moment because my emotions
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  were hot.
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  I mean, I was running high.
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  And looking back, I thought I was setting boundaries, but what I was really doing was
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  just reacting to my pain.
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  I hadn't taken the time to sit with what I was feeling.
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  And I surely hadn't prayed about it.
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  I hadn't even slowed down long enough to figure out what was actually happening.
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  And eventually, I realized that I had actually made the situation work.
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  I had to go back and I had to apologize to those people.
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  And that experience taught me something I still carry with me today.
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  A reactionary boundary can create a much bigger mess than the one we are actually trying to
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  solve.
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  One of the biggest, biggest lessons I've learned is that, yes, feelings are valuable.
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  We do need to pay attention to them and they do tell us something.
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  Anger may reveal a boundary violation and disappointment may also reveal an unmet expectation.
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  Fear may reveal uncertainty that we're experiencing.
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  Resentment may feel like we've been saying yes when we really needed to say no.
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  And even like FOMO, you know, the fear of missing out can tell us something.
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  Maybe you've tried to stop participating in gossip around you, or maybe you stepped away
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  from some dramatic unhealthy conversations.
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  Maybe you've changed some habits, some priorities or your relationships, and now you're watching
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  other people continue to do the things that you no longer feel called to do.
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  And that feeling is valid and it is real.
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  But here's what I've learned.
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  Feelings make great messengers, but terrible, terrible decision makers.
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  Feelings deserve our attentions.
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  Yes, they don't automatically deserve control.
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  They should not be driving the car.
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  So this is where many of us skip ahead, right?
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  We feel something, we react, but scripture teaches us something different.
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  In James 1.19, it says, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to
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  become angry.
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  Notice the word slow, slow to speak, slow to react, slow to become angry.
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  There is wisdom in slowing down.
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  Sometimes the healthiest boundary phrase you can use is, let me think about that and get
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  back to you.
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  Or I need some time to pray on this.
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  I don't want to answer right away because that pause creates space for wisdom to come
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  in.
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  So in Proverbs 3.5-6, it says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your
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  own understanding, and all your ways submit to Him and He will make your path straight.
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  When we are hurt, guys, when we are angry or feeling rejected or disappointment, we're
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  often leaning on our own understanding, right?
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  It's like our own filter, the way we see things.
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  We're viewing the situation through our lens of our emotions, but God invites us to bring
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  our feelings to Him before we make decisions.
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  Prayer helps us to separate what we're feeling from what we're just assuming.
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  Prayer helps us to distinguish between a real boundary issue and a just a wounded reaction.
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  And prayer helps us to seek wisdom instead of just seeking relief.
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  So here's a better way to go about it.
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  Instead of the feel, react, regret, try this, feel, pause, pray, then proceed.
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  Notice the feeling.
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  Get curious about it.
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  Ask yourself some questions.
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  What am I feeling?
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  What happened here?
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  Is this a pattern?
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  Do I do this a lot?
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  Or is this just a one-time event?
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  What responsibility belongs to me?
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  What wisdom, what would wisdom look like here?
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  And then bring it before God, because God has infinite wisdom.
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  He can see everything that's going on.
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  And only after you spent some time processing, praying, and seeking wisdom should you decide
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  what a boundary might, what boundary might be needed.
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  So this week, the next time you feel hurt, angry, disappointed, rejected, pressured to
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  respond right away, practice the pause.
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  Instead of reacting, simply just say, let me think about that and get back to you.
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  Then spend some time praying.
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  Ask God for wisdom before you move forward.
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  So friend, as you head into the rest of your week, remember your feelings matter, but they
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  don't have to be in charge.
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  You're going to feel, pause, pray, then proceed.
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  Healthy boundaries are rarely built in the heat of the moment.
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  Instead, they are built with wisdom.
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  Hey friend, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
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  If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook page at Healthy Boundaries
• 9:30
  for Moms?
• 9:31
  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working, and support each other in
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  real life.
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  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you along this journey.
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  I have also included a link to sign up for our brand new weekly newsletter in the Facebook
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  group.
• 9:47
  Don't forget to hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple.
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  It really lets me know that this podcast is helping you.
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  More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
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  Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say yes to something you actually
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  need.
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  I'll meet you back here in the next episode.