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Focus in the Bedroom: Balancing Mechanics, Pleasure, and Connection · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 9, 2026 Focus in the Bedroom,
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  Balancing Mechanics, Pleasure, and Connection Let's talk about our focus during
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  sex and how that affects us and our spouse.
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  God-intended sex is a way of making the two one. Sex is supposed to draw us together emotionally.
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  Becoming too focused on the mechanics of sex can keep us from connecting.
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  On the other hand, not enough focus on the mechanics can interfere with sex
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  being enjoyable, especially for her.
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  Finding the right balance here is a moving target Stay aware that sex is supposed
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  to be Pleasurable for our bodies, minds, and Emotions and adjust as needed,
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  Most women need a solid emotional connection for good sex. Some women's bodies
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  will go through the motions apart from that, but she won't be enjoying it.
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  Rather than asking her if it was good for her, ask if it was good emotionally.
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  Always wanting to try something new will be a distraction for many women.
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  Generally, men are more into sexual variety than women. A sex life you can both
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  enjoy will require finding a balance on this issue.
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  What about sex toys? I've heard some say such items distract from emotional connection.
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  Others say foreplay is difficult without a toy, or orgasm is iffy at best.
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  In that case, the lack of a toy distracts from emotional connection.
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  Both are valid issues, so do what works for you and your spouse.
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  And again, find a balance that works for both of you.
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  I've heard some say we should not focus on orgasm, or should not focus too much, whatever that means.
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  Some go so far as to say orgasm is nice when it happens, but not necessary.
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  If that's true for you, great. Odds are it is not true for your spouse.
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  Orgasms should not be the sole goal of sex, but each of you should have them when you want them.
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  The other thing about orgasms is that his is all but guaranteed, while hers is not.
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  That means he needs to do whatever is required to take her there when she wants to climax.
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  Some women enjoy sex without orgasm sometimes, and some want it every time.
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  Whatever your lady wants should be your goal.
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  And finally, when sex is over, make an effort to enjoy the afterglow.
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  Fight the urge to roll over and go to sleep, or to jump out of bed immediately to clean up.
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  Men, she wants to hear that you love her. And women, he wants to hear that it was good for you.
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  This is Paul, and doing sex well builds up your marriage.