Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 102. Healing Made Us Spicier, Not Softer: the misconceptions around healing and how it actually feels to go on a healing journey ✨

Transcript

102. Healing Made Us Spicier, Not Softer: the misconceptions around healing and how it actually feels to go on a healing journey ✨ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you, shehad the shame grow to new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises. I'm Tiana and I'm Ashley,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: and today we want to talk to you all about
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: the misconceptions of healing, what it means to go on
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: a healing journey, and how it actually feels to go
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: on a healing journey. Now, the reason why we wanted
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: to talk about this is because healing has made both
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: of us spicier.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Not softer. I love it. We want to talk a
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: little bit about this before we get into that. What
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: is your share of the week. I've got a really
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: good movie. Oh yeah, it's on Prime or Netflix. It's
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: on one of them, and it's called Drop Oh. And
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: it's basically this woman who is a widow and she
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: goes to a restaurant to go on a date with
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: this guy that she's met online. But while she's on
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: the date, she gets air dropped all these threats and
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: gets told what to do on the whole date. The
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: goal is for her to kill the guy she's on
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: a date with. She doesn't want to, but the guy
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: that's controlling it, she doesn't know where he is, but
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: he's obviously in a close vicinity, so he must be
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: in the restaurant. But she's got cameras all at her
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: house and she can see that her babysitter and her
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: son are there, and there's someone at a house with
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: a gun ready to go if she doesn't do what
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: they say. So she has to murder this guy she's
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: on a date with. And it's just like so stressful.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: But I was glued to the TV. Wow, such a
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: good movie. Will drop drop everything. Like the main actress
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: but I don't know her real name, but she did
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: such a good job in the movie. Wow. Oh goodness.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: All right, that stresses me out just thinking about it
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: that I kin't want.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: To watch it. That's good, you'd like it, Okay.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: My share of the Week is just a little quote
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: that I saw by Grant Cartoon, and the quote on
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: his page goes once, there's a mistake, twice is a decision.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that is so true. It's a hard filter swallow.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: And the caps is you teach people how to treat
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: you by what you allow, what you stop, and what
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: you reinforce.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: And I just thought that was so cool because it's
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: so true.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I feel like, as a woman in my own journey,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, there are many times where I've you know,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: a loud behavior that I didn't really want in my
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: life and then like made excuses for it instead of
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: just really reading the room and seeing behavior for what
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: it was and not as a bad thing, but just
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: a little bit of a reality.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Check, you know.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: And I think it's important for us to know that,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: like everyone is a human as an adult, and they
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: are responsible for their choices. And yeah, I think we've
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: just got to know that people know what they're doing.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Definitely, they too. They stop trying to make things fit
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: that aren't fitting. That's right, believing what they say, but
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: the actions speak the complete opposite, that's right. Yeah, that's
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a really good quote. I didn't follow him. Is he
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: a motivational speaker?
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: He's actually in real estate. He's a big real estate guy.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: He's like a multi billionaire, lives in America, and he
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: does post a.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Lot of stuff like that.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: But he's also in sales as well, so he teaches
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: a lot of sales stuff, a lot of real estate
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: sort of stuff.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Epic. Yeah, it's really cool that. Alright, let me talk
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: about healing, shall we. What is your definition of healing?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: What is healing?
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like healing is really being able to go
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: on the journey of acknowledging what hurt you, unpacking how
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: it has impacted you, how it's currently impacting you, and
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: then being able.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: To show up in a different way.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: So being able to really change the way that you respond,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: change the way that you show up, change the way
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: that you relate to those experiences in your life, and
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: being able to overcome the story that you have around
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: those situations.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I love that you said it so well. To me,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: it's like working through and releasing emotional pain that is
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: caused from trauma in our past or difficult life experiences
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: so that you can feel more at peace, connected and
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: grounded in your life. Oh that's not easy, but it's
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: just so necessary. And the healing journey it never comes
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: to a holt. You don't get to a destination like
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I'm completely healed. No, there is always new things to unpack,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: and that's why we will forever talk about it. Yes,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: we are always on.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: A healing journey, healing broken and no, not broken, never broken,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: nothing to fix, only to improve improve.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, Yeah, so cool. I think it's such a fun.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: That's conflicting. People will be like, Tana, I'm not having fun.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: This is exhausting. It is exhausting, right, don't want to
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: be doing it? You don't. But that's the thing.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: A lot of people avoid a lot of people avoid,
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: and I get it.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: It can be really scary to face the things that
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: we have avoided for so long, especially if we've been
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: through something like a relationship breakdown, we went through grief,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: we lost someone that we love, we went through something
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: seriously tragic, or there are things in our lives and
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: experiences we've had that really impact the way that we
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: show up now, that made us close up.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And like the world.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: That's such a great fear, and it's easy to want
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: to avoid those things. But at least what I've noticed
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: is that in those moments, everything that you avoid just
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: gets stored in the backpack that you're carrying on your back,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: and it just gets heavy heavier with the day.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Bursting, the backpack will break, It'll get too heavy that
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: you're burst. I love those analogies. Yeah, it's like a
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: boiling hot kettle. Yeah, it gets hotter and hot and hotter,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: and the lid is gonna burst off. Yeah. It comes
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: out in anxiety or depression or angerageous or snapping at
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: your partner, your kids and showing up in a way
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: where you're like, who the fuck am I where did
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: that come from?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: This from suppressing it.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: It's really exhausting emotionally. So it's like if you already
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: can't hold everything that you're experiencing in life, and then
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: you have a really bad day, automatically you're in a
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: worse headspace.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: You don't have as.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Much patience for your children, or you aren't as loving
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: towards your partner, or maybe you're even really nasty towards yourself.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And I explained it to my client the other day.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Every emotion that you avoid kind of gets stored into
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Like imagine like a dam right, a damn. It's got
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: this big wallets on the top of a cliff and
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: it's filling with water every time you avoid an emotion,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: and then what happens is eventually that dam gets so
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: full that the water starts to spill over the dam
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: and crash down that damn wall. And that's like what
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: your emotions are doing when you were storing them and
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: you're avoiding them and you're not looking at them because
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: you're not processing them. So it will lead out into
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: everything that you do. Like what you just mentioned, you
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: have those emotional outbursts and it comes out in really
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: uncontrollable ways. But because not only are you addressing the
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: problem in front of you, you're also feeling stored emotion
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: from like twenty years ago, right, You're carrying that. That's
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: why it feels so much more heavy, and that's why
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: those triggers hurt so much more. You feel so much
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: more intense pain in those moments of all the stuff
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: that has been unprocessed.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think there is times where it's true
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: that going on a healing journey is going to be
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: super hard, super uncomfortable, super triggering the whole time. And yes,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: there would definitely be moments of discomfort, but it's not
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: all like that. I think there's a joy in finding
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: the right people to support you in your journey that
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: can bring play and bring light to it. And I
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: think that's something I've really searched for in coaches. Yeah,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: it's something I've been drawn to in the couple of
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: coaches I've had. Taylor, for example, I've seen for many
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: years for my back pain and for life coaching. I've
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: known since I was fifteen, not super close when we
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: were younger, but I've always just been drawn to his energy.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: He's the smartest man I know when it comes to health, wellness,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: your mind, psychology or all of that the body. It's
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: also really silly, like he's like this big kid. So
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: even when I'm going through something really hard, we also
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: have this playful banter. Yeah. So when I go for
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: my sessions that I know are going to be deeper
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: and heavy and I need to talk about something, I
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: also know he'll bring the sense of lightness and it
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: helps me move through it a lot quicker. And it's
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: the same with Brad Fennel. He's a relationship coach that
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: we've had. When Steve and I have been in harder
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: moments and we can't see eye to eye on something,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: He'll make us do this role plays where he's like, okay, Steve,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be ashy. I'll tell them exactly what you're thinking.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: And he'll like pretend to flicker his hair and he
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: gets in this feminine energy and he role plays and
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I crack up laughing and he's like, what are you
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: laughing at? And he just breaks our state. Yeah, so
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: then we're not in the yucky energy anymore. We having
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: a giggle. It's light, it's playful, it's fun. Then we
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: can get more clarity on what we're actually there for,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: rather than just being in this gross, like hectic energy.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I think when you're going on a healing journey, if
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: you decide to get support and help, which I highly recommend, like,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: don't do this shit alone. Someone who can't hold you
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: really find someone that can have banter and play and
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: bring light to it and it won't feel so heavy.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: It's been really helpful for my journey, So now I
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: don't dread it. I don't think it's always going to
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: be hard and uncomfortable. My last coach that I had,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: she was a feminine embodiment coach, and I felt like
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: there was a lot of friendship wounds coming up for me,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: and I really wanted to tap more back into my
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: feminine energy. And I kind of said to myself, the
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: next three months, it's going to be hard. It's going
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: to be really uncomfortable. But I also knew it was
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: so necessary and I'd come out the other side lighter.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: So I buckled down, and it was. It was really uncomfortable.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I had to revisit my childhood a lot. I had
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: to revisit my wounds. I had to really acknowledge where
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I was at with some things. I had to be
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: honest with how much I didn't want to unplug from
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: things that won't serving me, and my worth came up.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Why I'm doing that. There was a lot to face,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: but it still held in a beautiful, safe container and
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I learned so much through that. So even sometimes I
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: giving yourself a time frame, I said, I'm going to
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: book it with her for three months. That is my
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: time to really focus on this. And you know, there's
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: different ways to do it. But yeah, I think that's
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: a misconception that it always has to be really hectic
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and really hard. Yeah, it doesn't have to be. Like
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: you're a life coach, you have fun humor, banter, different
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: ways to like bring women to the space where they
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: can be vulnerable. Same with Magsie. Yeah, she's very sexual
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: and playful and like she has her thing that she
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: does and say with Brad, but there's role playing. They
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: all have their different things. Yeah, it's such a cool
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: key of healing.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: It is that. I think it Like what you said,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: it depends on who you're with and how much fun
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: they bring to it, because like I can have a
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: client coming like boiling her eyes out, having the worst
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: day ever, and then we leave laughing. Oh, he's like
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: in such a hard day. You know, it is really
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: so important. And what you said about the misconception, I
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: think it's like you don't know what you don't know. Yes,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: you know, true, you've never experienced it before. It just
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: looks really daunting because people talk about healing from the
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: deepest stuff of like trauma and this and it came
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: from your childhood and everyone's like I don't want to
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: go there.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Or even on breath work sessions, you're seeing them on
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: social media and people are screaming and around like it's
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: like if you I've haven't done that before, fuck that. Yeah,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit in a room with a
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: bunch of people I don't know and scream and cry
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: my eyes out in front of them in the dark
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: with an eyemask on.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely not Like I don't even like being vulnerable
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: on a good day.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't volunteer for that hit, right, But most
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: of those events, there's a series of connection and exercises
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: and things that you do to feel safe. I actually
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: want to do that around those people because they've seen
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: you at your vulnerable moments. They know what you're going through,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and they're going through similar stuff. And together you get
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: to be there doing that stuff together and you don't
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: have to do it alone. Yeah.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: As well, with those spaces, you know that every single
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: person who is there is there for the same things.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: So true.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: And also when you walk into those spaces, you find
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: that everyone is quite open.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Sorry, they're open to talking about it. Yeah, they're ready.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: They're going there for a purpose. They're there to go, hey,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I have some things that are not so nice in
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: my life that are really limiting me from what I
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: want to do. Can you help me?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: You know? And to hear.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Usually everyone has their own story in their own way,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: and it looks so different to everyone, but everyone has
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: the common goal of being able to create freedom from
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: that experience.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And I think that's so beautiful.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: It's so beautiful in a normal area of you know,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: for the most part, in most places, everyone is guarded,
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: they're in their ego, they're trying to impress everybody. But
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: when you go to a place that is intentional, in
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: a space that is created.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: For that, none of that is there.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: It's like everyone's egos immediately left at the door. Yeah,
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: there's no ego. Everyone's vulnerable. Everyone's there to connect, everyone's
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: there to heal, and that's a really beautiful thing.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: That's probably the main takeaway if you listen to this episode.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: The advice I would give if you are wanting to
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: start on your healing journey is don't do it alone. Yeah,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: if you can't afford a coach, valid there's so many
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: free like Breathworks on a Sunday down at Tellibudj or
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: beet or in your area, or different groups online that
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you can connect with, or group coaching calls and master classes.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: There's so many ways that you can connect and get
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: the support you need. But it makes it so much
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: more lighter. It makes you also not feel so alone
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: or crazy because I know sometimes when I've gone through something,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like Amy, the only one that feels like this.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I feel crazy and then I have around it and
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I try and suppress it, and then it just gets
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: heavy and builds up and it's not a nice energy being. No,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: it's not, so get support, get help, and know that
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: it won't always feel as heavy as what it's made
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: out to be on social media.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: What's cool about that is sometimes when you're going through
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: things and it's new to you and you're starting to
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: learn and discover new parts of your life that you
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: haven't been aware of before, because you don't yet know
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: how to hold that. Yeah, sometimes it can be overwhelming emotionally, yes,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: you know where it's like you see something about yourself
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: and automatically you go into shame.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Because you're like, oh, like, people aren't going to love
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: me for this.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: What if they learn this about me and then they
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: abandon me and then they don't want me around, and
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: you know, you.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Automatically go into this hyperactive state.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: And that's I feel sometimes what makes it feel so
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: heavy because we freak out about the things we discover
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: about ourselves instead of loving them yeah, instead of like
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: holding space, loving them, being able to meet them with
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: curiosity and just from a place of like this is
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: data collection, Like I'm learning this about myself so that
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I can gain control of my life, so that I
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: can then know what to do next. But sometimes when
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: it feels heavy and you feel stuck in the heaviness
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: of personal development because you're shaming yourself because you feel
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: guilty about what you've discovered and you think that everything
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: that you've learned about yourself is wrong, bad or shameful
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: and not good enough.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that whole loving yourself through that, that's really
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: hard to do. And that's another reason why I feel
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: like having support has been really good. I remember when
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I first started with Tailor and Steve and I were
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: going through something I can't even remember what it was,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: but I went into this session blazing blame Steve did
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: this Steve, and I remember him turning all back on me,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: and I remember feeling so much resistance. I was like,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: how has this turned on me? I've just told you
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: what he said or done or whatever the situation was.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: He's like, yes, but you've played your role on this.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: How about X y Z? And it was so confronting
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: but so healing, and because I felt safe with him
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: and he still loved me, still respected me, still looked
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: at me the same way. That gave me evidence that
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I could still love me for where I'm at and
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: what I've done and forgive myself. Yea was I think
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: if I was to go through that by myself, I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: would feel so guilty and so shameful and I would
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: avoid it and continue to blame, or even if I
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: wasn't blaming, I would just shut down because it was
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: so embarrassed with Yeah, the role that I played, whereas
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I've got to uncover that with someone holding space to
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: me and still loving on me regardless of what's happened.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So that's why I think the support thing I keep
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: going back to that. No, it didn't even plans talk
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: about that much as them slow, but it's just really
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: real for me right now.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is important you don't feel as alone. Yeah,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: it's like when you know someone can hold you and
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: what you're going through, what you're experiencing, or like the
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: deep dark thoughts that you feel and think of.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Thoughts what I'm meant to do this life alone? But
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: really are not we meant to do it as.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: A tribe, shared together, shared experience. It's a big thing.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: And then there's also on the flip side of that,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: it's like going internal and like sitting with yourself and
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: sitting with the discomfort of those thoughts and seeing where
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: your mind goes. Is it trying to attach itself to
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: an old story? Are you trying to blame? Are you
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: trying to avoid? How do you feel when you sit
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: with all of that discomfort? Can you just sit with it,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: let it be and breathe through it for the moment.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: That's the work as well. That's a part of healing,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: is being able to sit with yourself and sit with discomfort. Yeah,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: and it's just like an ocean. Some people think the
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: ocean is dark and scary and the waves are like
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: ah and the sharks out there, and other people think
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: it's just like beautiful mess it's your emotions. Hey up,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: they comes crashing down, they smooth back out. Some days
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: it's wild and the weather's insane, that's our emotion. Sometimes
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: other times it's cool and calm and cruisy doing what's
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: psychero in imperiod. Ocean that's the same, right, But it's
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: all beautiful and messy. And that is the human experience duality. Duality, right,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: isn't's so crazy? As well?
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: Like on your healing journey, I think for the most part,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: before we get to that point of knowing that we
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: need to heal, we have this internal thought process of, oh,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I don't need to heal. M maam, I'm good to
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: hear people say that I have Oh I have it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, honey, read I eat it more than anyone.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I had a great childhood. I've got nothing.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Nothing traumatic happened, Nothing traumatic happened. Yeah, there's nothing that
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: has bothered me, in impacted me, or anything like that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I actually had to explain this to a girlfriend of
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: ours though, because she said that she had nothing traumatic happened. Like,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: trauma doesn't mean one big life altering event. Trauma is
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: actually all the little micro moments that have caused stress
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: in your body that you haven't processed and move through.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: So you imagine from when you're a little baby and
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: those little tiny moments that you were dismissed or not
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: listened to or told to shush or parked at the side,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: or your parents were going through something. There is thousands
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: of micro moments that have caused trauma in your body
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: and it's stuck energy. That's why breathwork and sematic exercises
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: are so good to be able to release and move
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: through that to get to the core of what's going on.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and in those moments of breath work, you see
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: how much it impacts people as much the body holds
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: onto it.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Why they're screaming and yeah.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: And it's probably because they felt abandoned by their dad
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: one time, do you know, Like yeah, no, And that's
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: the thing, like what you were saying, like, trauma is
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: not measured by the size of the experience. It's measured
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: by the size of how it impacted you psychologically, right,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: And that's just something to note. I think the word
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: trauma is a little bit scary for people of like, oh,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not sound, he's not fucked up. I don't need
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: to be fixed. Trauma has such a heavy association with it,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: But it's not that. It's how things have impacted you
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: and how they change the way that you show up
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: in the world because of an experience. It deserves exploration
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: does deserve it, you know, we deserve to get to
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: know ourselves and how we show up in the world.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: But more importantly how we impact others and how we
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: are impacted by the things we experience, so he can.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Show up better definitely live a better life. Even as
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: a parent now, I know there would be things that
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I've done and said that will IMPACTAJ and you have
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: created trauma. And yes, there's been no big event for
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: him or I've dropped him when he was a baby,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: or he's never been hurt physically or anything like that,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: but there'd be moments for sure. I plan on getting
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: him a coach when he enters his teenage years because
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I want it to be normal for him to have
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: outside support as well as us. But I want it
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: to be normal for him to talk about his emotions
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: and to heal his body and to go to breath
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: work and do all that stuff. You start doing it
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: from a young age. I want it to be for
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: him to meet someone they don't do, for him to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, oh shit, why do you do that?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: You don't do that? Yeah, you don't do that. I've
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: always done bird. Yeah, yeah, not the other way around.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Whereas growing up for me, when I first started to
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: see breath work, I was like fuck that, I'm not
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: doing that, No way, absolutely not. You will never see
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: me caught dead down on the beach having a screaming
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: session with a bunch of strangers. Yeah, now, love it.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: And you know as well, you're also a good piece
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: of evidence because you implement, like you don't just say
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: ta taj, do as I say, not as I do.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: You're actually doing the thing. It's for him and Steve.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: It'll be normalized because you both are so integrated in
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: that and actively work on yourselves.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Which is beautiful. Sorry, freaking cool.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: You know what's funny, people, I feel get a little
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: bit terrified of doing the work.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: You know what I think. I think it's harder not
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: doing the work. Oh my gosh, right, yeah, it's harder
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: not doing it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Definitely, you're sitting in it's so much more because it's
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: always there.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: It's like, aren't it gross? It's gross. It's like section.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: It's like in the back of your mind is the
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: sess little fly and it just stays with you no
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: matter what you do. And the heaviness from the things
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: that you aren't looking at or addressing feel like they're
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: sitting on your shoulders every single day that you walk around.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: You know, And I think if I reflect back to
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: my life before I did personal development, I was a
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: shell of a human, a shell of myself.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I wasn't open, I wasn't.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Playful, I wasn't sexually expressed. I couldn't be a good friend.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I couldn't hold space for people, couldn't even hold space
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: for myself. Yeah, and everything just felt heavy. And then
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: when I started to unpack it, what I learned was
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: that the more that I would feel something, the more
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: that I would process it, and then the next day
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I would feel so much lighter. So it's like I
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: got to take a brick out of that backpack that
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: I was carrying, and I thought that was really impressive
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: because I was like, Wow, I can feel all of
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: these emotions in this one hour session of therapy or
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: like with a coach, and then I can leave this
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: session and then I can go on and live my life.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Feel so much lighter after you do. But it's like isolated.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: People think, oh, if I open up Pandora's box, it's
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: gonna be fucked, and I'm going to Yeah, no, I'm
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: never gonna be able to look away from this stuff.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: But it's not the truth. It's like you create intentional
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: time to heal through it, and then you go on
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: and live your life, and then the quality of life
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: that you get to live after the fact is so
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: much more grant. A client of mine explained it like this.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: She said, working with you was like being color blind
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: and seeing color for the first time.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's so cool.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: And I was like, what a beautiful way to describe
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: what healing is. Because you do you feel so dull,
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: and then just your life is suddenly this beautiful, colorful,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: vibrant experience that you get to have in life. It
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: was like you nailed it on the head.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: That's really freaking cool. I've never heard of it like that.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: It was really cool. And it goes back to that
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: what you just said, choosing your heart, Like it's hard
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: to do the healing, and it's hard to stay remain
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: the same, it's hard to be angry at what's happened
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: in your past, and it's hard to go deep into
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: what's happened in the past. But choose your heart, like,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I'd rather be able to go there, get into it,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: release it, moves through it lighter, and take the lessons
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: to be able to help other people. Then just stay
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: stuck in there for the rest of my life. Absolutely
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: both hard choose your hard and also it's hard.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: To carry as well. Yeah, you know, think about like
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: when we don't address something. Let's say you had a
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: partner cheat on you once and you feel super resentful
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: for that, and now all of a sudden, your belief
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: around men is really skewed because you're like, well, men
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: are cheaters, men are liars, men aren't safe, men don't
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: protect women, and all the other things that come with that.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: You're carrying around that resentment towards men and everyone just
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: in everyday life. Literally, think about the friends that you
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: would address as men, You're automatically going to think he's shady,
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: automatically going to think that he just wants the next
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: best thing.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: The way that it impacts how.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: You show up in every life, that hinders the relationships
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: that you create, how you feel, what energy you're putting
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: out in the world, what your vibrational frequency is like
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: when you're exchanging with people. And it's just one of
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: those things, like it's so impactful in the best way.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: The quality of life that you experience is on a
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: completely different playing field to what you were previously when
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: you were harboring all of those emotions and that heaviness
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: and pain that you're carrying around every single day, and
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: it's exhausting, so exhausting, so exhausting.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: A question that we had the other day in our
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Q and A that we put on Instagram for suggested
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: topics was someone said, where do I start on my
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: healing journey? It's so overwhelming? I was like, yeah, it is.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: There are so many coaches and YouTube clips and tiktoks
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: and everyone's saying to do this and that and this
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: is the only way to do. It's like, where the
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: fuck do I start? Yeah? I wouldn't even know where
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: to begin to start, Like I started by doing a
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: course that kind of got really addicted after that, just
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: to just wanting to learn more about myself and understand
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: human psychology more and white people do the things they
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: do and how I can be one percent better. But
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: where would you recommend someone starting if they're like, I know,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I've got shit here, I'm willing, I'm ready, What do
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I do? Where do I go?
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: That's a good question.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I think it depends on where you were at, what
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: you're willing and able to invest into yourself. So to
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: beyond money high money, all of those things resources. I
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: think you can't go wrong with books.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: To be honest. Yeah, it's a good way to start,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: isn't it. It's like reading and taking some information.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I think the first book that I ever read was
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: called The Power of Now by Eckhart Toll. I think
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: is the book that was a good place for me
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: to start because it helped me bring focus to my
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: awareness and I feel like that's a really important step
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: to being able to do this work. But to be honest,
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: for me personally, and if you can hire a coach,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: and you have the means to hire a coach, go
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: and start with somebody, because it doesn't matter who you
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: go to, how long you do it for, or what
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: you go into them for. You will unravel a world
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: of things that you've experienced within that timeframe. So it
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter what you start with. It doesn't matter what
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: you go for. As long as you feel emotionally connected
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: to the coach or the person or the healer, you
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: feel safe, you feel like you connect with them, you
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: resonate with them, and you feel like they're going to
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: be able to support you through the journey. That's all
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: you need if you can start there. Highly recommend because
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: you will save so much time going from book to
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: book to program to program when you get that personalized
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: level of port because it's all about you, right, you
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: can read someone's book and go, wow, this is important.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I can apply this to my life.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: But when you're plugged into a coach, they learn everything
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: about you, roadblocks everything. Like I worked with a coach
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: for three and a half years because we worked together
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: for so long. What would have taken me and a
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: new coach an hour and a half, two hours, three hours,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: five sessions would have taken this coach five minutes to
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: unpack with me because she learnt me. She understood my trauma,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: she understood my reactivity, she understood my deepest wounds, everything
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: that I would do, and that for me, going on
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: that journey of my own personal development journey and working
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: with a coach allowed me to really see and learn
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: everything about myself through the way that that person coached me.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: And that's how you learn. Most successful people that I
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: know what I deemed be like successful they have a
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: coach to day. Even my coach, Taylor, who I put
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: on a pedestal and think he's just the bee's knees,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: he's at the same coach for over ten years love
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: that sees her weekly. She trains at his gym now
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: and like she can actually went on my sessions the
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: other day. We were talking about liver and sleep and
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: my body and everything, and she was about to do
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: a class and he's like, oh, Joe, can you come over?
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Could you explain this in your own terms? And she
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: spoke about from her experience. I was wow, that's cool.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Everyone I know in the year is yeah. I went
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: to that. He was like, why would I not continue
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: to grow and have support and keep exploring myself in
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: my head? I'm like, you know it all? Yeah, what
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: more can you learn?
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Always more that you can learn. I think too. Even
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: if you can't afford a coach or anything, I know
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: you do what you call an audit call, and even
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: what you do in those, I'm like wow. And I
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: know some other coaches that call them discovery calls or
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: just a call basically to see if you're aligned, see
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: if you connect. I'll just usese for an example, because
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: you can talk about it, but I know that you
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: take them through it is at thirty minutes thirty to
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: forty five. Yeah, so you get to know them a
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: little bit where they're at. You look at their roadblocks
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: and then you give them tools and strategies and tips
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: on how to move through that. And that's free. Yeah,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: that's just free. That's you're just giving your time. Even
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: just that, you learn so much about yourself, so then
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: you've got a clear path of like, Okay, now I
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: know what I want to focus on it, I have
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: tips and some strategies to get there, and if I
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: want to go deeper, I can hire you or even
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I know, like when I was learning about attachment styles,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: go on YouTube. Yeah, it's all free. You type an
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: attachment style, Yeah, anxious attachment. There is millions of videos
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: and plain it. Yeah, in so many different terms and situations.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: You can always find things on YouTube. Stevers, I love
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: the way he learns. When he wants to learn about something,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: it is all he will do. He will look on
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: every YouTube, he will read every book audiobook, and he
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: will just immerse himself in something so he can fully
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: explain and teach it properly. Nice. And I'm like, I
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: love that about you. I love really learns like that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: That's cool. There's endless information through podcasts, through books, through coaches,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: group courses, face to face courses. There's so much help
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: out there to help you on your healing journey. You
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: don't have to do it alone. But it's just like, yeah,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: how much you're ready to invest time, money, and energy
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: and effort. Yeah yeah, so freaking cool but so necessary
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: for everyone. It really is.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: It's hard to not have access these days. Yeah, Like,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: we have access to so much stuff.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Compared to our parents. They had nothing. They had nothing.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: None of this stuff was normalized for them.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: No in getting therapy would have meant you were broken.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: When my mum sometimes we have conversations around she's like, oh,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I wish like I knew this when I was your parent,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Like I love that she always conflidenced me and how
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: her parents. She's like, I just love how you did that.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I did not do that for you. I said, yeah,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: but you didn't also have the resources, like yeah, I've
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: had life coaches. If I'm struggling with something parenting, I'll
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: listen to it on an app, or I'll go on YouTube,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: or I'll follow a parenting coach on Instagram and binge
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: to watch their content until I feel confident and want
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I want to implement. You were literally like not free
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: bulling it, that's the word. You're just like winging at it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: You're actually winging it, and you were doing better than
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: what your parents did. But we have so much resources
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: at our fingertips, we're so spoiled with it. There's no
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: excuse not be better. Really, I agree. I agree, And
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: with the worky and do the work. And you know
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: what it's like when people say like, oh, that's just
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: how I am. You don't know, stop it, don't come
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: up in here with that bullshit. I do not like
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: that bullshit. I love you, but hard conversation, I do
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: not like it when people say that. I feel like
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I used to be that person. So I get it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I get what it feels like to be there because
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: you're just like, well, this is just who I am,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: this is what I do, this is how I think,
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: this is how I act.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: If you don't like it, so take it or leave it.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Either love me or you don't. You know, love me
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: or you hate me. I don't care.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: The reality is our biggest desire is belonging.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: And our biggest fear as abandonment.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, then you've just got to be willing to do
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: the work and take responsibility because if you want to
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: have a life that is, you know, inclusive of other
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: people in community and people that you love, and also
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: raising children and having a partner, lifelong partner. It requires
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: this level of connection, It requires this level of self exploration,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: It requires self responsibility all of the aspects.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to take responsibility every single person,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: including myself, including you, including me, everyone. Yeah, you know,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: it's been really hard growing up to say sorry and
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: to take responsibility. And I think we're pretty good at
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: it now. Yeah, even th oughver the last two years,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: I've improved drastically, But before that I found it so
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: damn difficult. Yeah. I didn't want to admit I was wrong,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: because then I'm out of the tribe. Yeah, No one's
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: gonna love me if i'd been I'm wrong. Well, they
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: want to be friends with me if I admit that. Yeah,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: and saying sorry. I just never saw that growing up.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: And I know that sounds like an excuse, but I
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: really didn't know how. It just felt so unfamiliar in
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: my body. And I also thought, that's admitting fault. Yes,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: so then they're gonna leave me. Yeah, So I would
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: find every other reason as to why it's not my
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: fault and blame everything else. Absolutely, it doesn't get you anywhere. No,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: it doesn't experience it's not good.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: No, it definitely does a younger version of actually absolutely.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: But yeah, it's the admitting fault part. Yeah, it's the ego.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: If I had at fault, then I am in the wrong.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: Then I have consequences to being.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: In the wrong.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: And also as well, we just don't like being wrong.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I know, we like being right because our ego is like,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I must be right. It's so strange when you actually
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: pull yourself out and just think of that. Because even
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: when Taj sometimes is want a bit that he's done
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: something wrong, I'm like, dude, it's fine, Like it's all good.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: You're not in trouble. You've never been grounded in your life,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Like nothing's gonna happen. Just say shit, mum, I'm sorry,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I forgot you said that. I won't do it again.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: But it's so hard, so hard.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: I turned the TV on when I shouldn't have turned
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: the TV. The other day. I came o from the
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: gym and there's no TV in the morning, and I
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: can see when you drop me off, I can see
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: the bloody TV on. Yeah, so what my good morning, babe?
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: What are the rules? Turns it off? He's like, oh,
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: I wasn't watching it. I was like, you were, well,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: you were, you were And I could see the shame
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: in him, and I was like, you're not in trouble.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying, this is a boundary, and I need
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: you to respect the boundary because we trust each other.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: If I say to do something, you do it behind
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: my back, I'm not going to trust you.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Trust is a really important thing in all of our relationships.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: And you could just see him like so uncomfortable with
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: admitting and saying I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: You know what what it's that part. It's the feeling
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: that comes with being at fault. Yeah, that no one
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: can handle.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: No one. It's shameful you you feel embarrassed. Hey, it's
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: the discomfort. It's discomfort. Yeah. You can see it in
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: little kids too. Him Like, oh when I see in him,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I feel I feel so bad because I don't want
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: him feeling like that. Yeah, it's that fine balance of well,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: this is how he has to learn.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: It's almost like teaching them that that feeling of feeling
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: like you've disappointed someone Yeah, is not necessarily a bad thing.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: It's showing you what to do better. Yes, And I
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: think we can reframe.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: It like that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: And this is so cool, this conversation. You're just saying
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: that about Taj. Imagine if we all learned how to
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: deal with that feeling of discomfort or feeling like we're
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: disappointing someone that we love, but using it as fuel
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: to make better decisions, as.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Opposed to go, I'm so bad and wrong and I
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: fucked up. Yeah, you know it's a big part on
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: the parents to not shame them. Yeah. I always said,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're not in trouble. I'm not angry at you.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is a boundary. There's a rule
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: in place for a reason. When you watch the TV,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: you're not productive. You haven't helped out by doing a
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: dishrusher job. You're not dressed, you haven't had brecky, the
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: things that are more important than you're watching a screen. Yeah,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: get all that done by all means, watch the footy highlight.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: You've got no problem with that. You're gonna just jump
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: on there and be a couch potato at six sat
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: in the morning, not getting into a habit like that.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Yes, you know, rules for a reason. Absolutely, Yeah. An
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: interesting conversation, it really is. You know what, it's funny.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: I had this conversation with my niece, Rain So, my
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: sister's daughter.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: She just turned four.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: You gave me a couple of hideaway lip glosses a
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: little while ago, and they went walk about.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: It's love them, love the alla loves them too. They
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: taste so good.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, she loved them, baby, she was obsessed and she
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: took them. There was one that I was going to
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: give to my mom, and then she took that one
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: and Mom was.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, where's the lippy? Can I try? I want
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: to try, you know.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: And I called Rain in and I was like, Rain,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: did you take the lippy?
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: She said no, no, And then like around my mom
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: and everyone was like did you take the lippy? Rain?
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Where is it like having kind of you know, getting
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: into that energy, And I just pulled her aside. I
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: ended up taking her for a drive and I was like, babe,
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: did you take the lipy? It's okay if you did.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I'll get you another one.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: So if you want one, let me know and I'll
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: get you one that you want.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Get you on And then she like yeah. She I
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: was like, where is it? Baby?
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: She's like, I'm like, can you go get it for me?
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Can you bring it back?
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: And she's like yeah, I shouldn't feel that you were
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: shaming her. Yeah.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just I had that conversation with her,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: and I was like, it's okay, babe, that you did
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: take it, but lying isn't going to be the way
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: to get it, do you know what I mean? If
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: you want it, you can ask for it. I'm happy
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: to give it to you, but you don't have to
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: light in me for it.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Still, yeah, yeah, or steal. Yeah. Yeah, it's okay that
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: you took it. Actually it's not. Yeah you took it, yes,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: but don't go into my bag. Yeah, there's big lessons
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: to learn. You say so cool though, it's so cool.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: It's difficult but cool.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: It just goes to show that we're not exempt from
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: that uncomfortable feeling because even as adult, because when everybody
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: was like to her, where is it?
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Did you take it? She was like oh no, because
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: then if she says yes, I took it, everyone's gonna
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: be like, oh right, you shouldn't be doing that. Naughty girl,
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: like yeah, you know better than that all those comments
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: are just so shameful. Have to catch yourself. Is so
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: careful what we say to kids because it can really
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: impact them.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I could imagine a parent having to be on
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: all the time and constantly and that archetype.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: You know, if your nervous system, if you're like disregulated,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: and you definitely can say some things that you're like,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: oh you reflect back, You're like, damn, I wish I
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: handled that better.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: I could imagine it's hard because you've got to make
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: sure that your nervous system is good all the time
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: so that you can make sure that you're teaching away
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: it's productive.
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and most of us it's not good all the time. Yeah,
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: we're human, after all, we are humans. May sometimes I
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: think too with kids. That's not about being perfect, But
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: I think the recovery is really important.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Recovery. Yeah, so if I say something or react or
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: lose my temper or just say it in not so
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: kind tone, I'll recover very fast. That's what I've gotten
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: really good at. Yeah, like, shit, I did not mean
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: to speak to you like that. Yes, I'm still upset
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: about X y Z, but I should have taken a
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: breath and spoken to you kinder. Yeah, that's on me. Yeah,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you know, and just own my part and whether he
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: wants to own his part or not, we'll work on it.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: But that's being the role model, the example of how
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: to do that. And I always try and say sorry
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: often because I didn't get shown that, so I want
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: to say sorry to him often. So just feels normal
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: and easy, Like it doesn't have to be hard to
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: say sorry. There's no resistance around there. Like, I don't
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: think we've struggled to say sorry to each other. No,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: not at all. All relationships be like that.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we've definitely had moments where we've been like, oh shit,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: that was all me. Yeah, like both of us, I'm
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: so sorry, that.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Was all me. I find it so much easier now
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: to say sorry to Stee. It was a couple of
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: years ago. Fuck, No, I was saying sorry dorovin Gilly,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: stovin Giry. So funny.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: See for me, I don't struggle to say sorry. I've
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: always been able to say sorry. Yeah, but did I
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: take accountability for my actions? No? I think it was
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: easy for me to say the things but not actually
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: implement change. But because I felt the words were a
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: bit empty, the words were empty, Yes, and I felt
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: a little bit guilty. So I was like, oh, I
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: feel so guilty, I'm so sorry, dadda. But I wouldn't
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: actually do anything about it. But then that created a
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: pattern for me, so I had to learn words don't
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: mean anything, action and behavior does.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: And then people when you say sorry, they'll be like
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: oh before, yeah, that's right, it doesn't mean anything. Did
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: your parents say sorry to each other growing up? Did
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: you have that role model? No, because that's my story
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: as I found it hard because I didn't see the stories.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, having to take accountability or something I had to
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: learn as an adult.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: So why was it so easy for you to say sorry?
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Did you feel like that kind of just got you
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: out of the heat. I think so.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It was like if I said sorry, then it
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: was all good and smooth dover. Yeah okay, but not
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: when the behavior continued, and then I would get myself
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: into trouble.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Let's summarize, Yes, healing, it's working through and releasing emotional
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: pain and trauma from my child or things that impact
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: the way that we show up, the way that we
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: do things, the way that we connect, the way that
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: we build relationships. It is stop pretending that you're okay.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Well you're not. It's acknowledging that things are not feeling
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: good and that you want to change. It's about getting support,
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: the right kind of support, being open to it, leaning
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: into the discomfort. Yeah, knowing that it's not going to
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: be a smooth ride, but it doesn't always have to
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: be dark and heavy.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, knowing that you don't have to do the journey
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: alone as well. It's actually easier and easier to hold
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: share the emotional load so much. Fine and find a
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: healer coach book in a freaking self worth audit with me.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: They're totally free if you want, literally, you have nothing
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: to lose. Yeah, slip into a DMS. Guys. It's about
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: building new patterns that feel better and serve you instead
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: of just being stuck on your old ones and saying
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: that's just who I am. Yeah, that's the way it is.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Nothing's going to change, doesn't have to be like that.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: It's learning ways to help you let go of old anger, sadness, guilt,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: or shame. There's so many different beautiful ways that you
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: can do that, and you'll learn that from coaches and
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: going to courses all weekend things. Yeah, whether it's breath
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: work or somatic exercises or your only healings and whatever
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: it is what you need. Yeah, you want to take
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: that emotional backpack off.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: It starts with this, and on the other side of that,
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: through all of this and through you actively choosing all
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: of this is on the other side of that is.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: Peace piece, emotional piece.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Freedom, it's play, it's present. Yes, it's being able to
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: actually enjoy your day to day life instead of feeling
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: like every single day's groundhog Day. And that's the gift
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: that you get from actually going on a healing journey.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: It means also that you have to feel the hard
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: emotions and not avoid them. It's setting boundaries to protect
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: your own peace. So giving yourself, forgiving others, giving grace
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: to all of us, knowing that we're all figuring this
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: out for the first time as well. And yeah, that's
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: all I got. Yeah, I think you summed it up
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: beautifully in a summary. Yeah, that's what healing is. Yeah.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: If you guys aren't in our Facebook forum, you can
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: jump in over it. She Rises community on Facebook.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Let's start a thread.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: Let us know if you're on a healing journey, if
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: you are scared to start one and you want to
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: and you don't know where to start. Let us know,
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: we'd love to have a conversation with you all about
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: where you're at, what you've learned, things that maybe you're
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: still scared of looking at, and how we can all
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: support each other on that journey.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Also for someone listening that's like, oh, I want to
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: book in a self order, how do they do that
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: with you?
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so head to my Instagram. It's my full name,
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Tiana Bundala. I can leave it in the description box
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: and then go to the link in my bio. There
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: will be something there called free self Worth Audit. You
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: just fill out a really short form that will give
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: me a little bit of an idea of where you're at.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: We will jump on a call and we will unpack
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: it together and I'll help you discover your top three
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: self worth roadblock, so anything that you're struggling with at
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: the moment, and I'll help you create a really small
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: and really easy to implement planned for each of those
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: roadblocks so you can start creating your own momentum.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: That's so cool. Why don't we you to do a
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: live coaching call? When do you do that to me?
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I'd love through like a self worth audit off without
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: the form and everything. Would you guys like that? Let
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: us know'd be cool? An example of what that looks like,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: because it might be a bit daunting for someone to
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, I would like to walk in with her,
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: but that sounds too scared. What does it look like? Yeah, yeah,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: walk me through exactly how a session would be like that? Okay, done,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: let me do it. I think from you, I learn
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: from you all the time. That life coaching the biggest
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: life hack. Honestly, thanks for joining us, guys. We'll see
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: you next time. Bye bye,