Latest / Through the Sh#t with Jen McDowell / Lessons Learned So Far...
Transcript
- Albie Burdge: Welcome, I'm Jen McDowell, and you're listening to Through the Shit, a podcast for anyone going through the shit and the people who love them. And every episode we'll hear a new story of loss, hope, and resilience, and how going through the shit led to something greater. So if you're in the shit now and feeling lost or alone, disconnected from your badass self, or in need of an ember of hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other, you're in the right place. So settle in, prepare to be moved and inspired, and welcome To the shit. Welcome everybody. You're listening to Through the Shit. I'm your host, Jen McDowell. This week marks the release of episode number 11, so I'm going to do a bit of celebration and a recap. For those who may be new listeners, this podcast is all about hearing stories of people going through the shit and living to tell this tale. We get real about how their experiences have shaped them and reflect on the lessons they learned along the way. In the episodes that have aired so far, guests have talked about everything from the death of a loved one to dealing with scary health situations, addiction, work shit, the hard shit we choose to do, and the catch-all of having your life implode in spectacular fashion. Starting a podcast has been a dream of mine for over five years. The idea first came to me as I was starting my own coaching and consulting business after I lost my job as in-house legal counsel. Just when I thought I was getting some momentum with my work, my personal life imploded when my mom died unexpectedly, my marriage ended, and my beloved dog died all in the span of three months. To cap off that shitty period, I got hit by a car mere months later. That rapid period of shedding all of the important pieces of my identity was really, really hard. There were many days where I didn't want to get out of bed, but if I hadn't lost all of those things, I wouldn't be where I am today. Looking back, I can see that this podcast is just another step in my journey to reconnect to my inner badass. Somewhat ironic that I'm recording this episode is the five-year anniversary of my Parade of Horribles approaches, but I'm now in a place where I can marvel at how much my life has changed for the better. I've traveled all over the country, had amazing adventures, moved a lot, learned a lot, gotten greater clarity about my business, and met amazing people every step of the way. Over the last several months, I've learned so much about podcasting too. What I can tell you is that podcasting is hard work. A quick Google search shows that up to 70 to 80% of podcasts don't make it past the 10-episode mark. And of the 30% that do, only about half of them are still active or post content regularly. It's a constant stream of outreach to prospective guests, recording, collaborating with my editor, posting online. And just when I think I'm getting caught up or ahead, things tend to fall off the rails. In some ways, it feels a lot like navigating while you're in the shit. Two steps forward and one step back. Podcasting has also been an experience in learning how to ask for what I want and not getting derailed when I get rejected. I'm learning how to be bold and shoot my shot with guests that might be a stretch for my fledgling podcast. The worst thing they can do is say no, and I know I've already gone through a lot worse, so those types of responses feel a lot less upsetting than they would have before. I'm really proud that I've been able to keep up with the bi-weekly production schedule I set for myself, and that I crossed the 10 episode mark. I'm also really proud that I haven't gotten discouraged when things don't play out in the way that I would like. But the thing that I love the most is how much I've learned from my guests, and for purposes of this recap episode, I've distilled it down to 10 things. The first one is that shit happens to everyone. It crosses ages, races, gender, political orientation, and most of the other labels that are thrown around these days. It's part of the experience of being human and no one is immune. If you haven't been through the shit yet, it's likely just a matter of time before you're going to be in the shit yourself. Lesson two is that shit is rarely just one thing, but rather a culmination or accumulation of multiple things. There's the pile on of one shitty thing after another, the new shit that reopens old wounds from old shit, small shit that becomes unbearable over time, or shit that begets more shit, whether it's caused by the choices that we've made, or from having the veil lifted so that we see even more shit that we were blind to before. The next two lessons are really related. The first is that shit can be lonely as fuck, and some parts of the healing journey we have to do on our own. Growing up, a lot of people aren't taught how to support someone who's going through a really hard time. That lack of skill, coupled with poor communication, can cause the person who's going through the shit to feel even more alone. Sometimes relationships even fall away because the people in them are no longer aligned when one of them has gone through the shit. But going through the shit can also be a source for building connection and strengthening relationships or building new ones if we're open to it. The other side of the coin is that guests and I often talk about what types of support were helpful to them. While the suggestions were varied, in almost every instance, having some sort of consistent, non-judgmental support was paramount. In my case, it was people bringing me comfort food. For others, it was loved ones who offered space, refrained from giving advice, and respected their decisions. So if you have a loved one going through the shit, be proactive, be consistently present, listen to what they need, and ask repeatedly how you can help. Lesson number five is that in most instances, shit triggers a survival mode type of reaction, where the unimportant stuff, whether it's work or relationships or other obligations, get stripped away. Going through the shit forces you to reevaluate priorities, let go of perfectionism, even if it's just for a little bit, and it helps you gain clarity about what really matters. The shedding can be really, really painful, but it's the fertile manure from which amazing new things can grow. Lesson six is to find comforting practices or resources that work for you. Here again, everyone is different. For some, it was helpful to work with a mental health professional or get connected to supportive communities where they could talk about their experiences. For others, it was journaling or other self-reflection, activities where they could allow their thoughts and emotions fully. And for others, they turned to spir spirituality in whatever form that took, creativity through art or music or cooking or creating experiences, or even helping others. Whatever you choose if you're in the shit, it's the small moments done consistently over time that have the greatest benefit. Number seven is around control. Specifically, that control is an illusion, but agency is not. When you change your relationship to the shit, it can help alleviate your suffering. Whether it's acknowledging your role in the shit, forgiving yourself, feeling the full range of feelings, letting go of the things that no longer serve you, or learning to accept the shit for what it is. There is power in choosing how you show up. Choices give you leverage at time when you feel helpless out of and out of control, so be smart in what choices you make. Number eight is there's no such thing as either or. The shit can be both good and bad. It's hard but beneficial. You can find moments of levity and humor in spite of the sadness. You will lose things that are or were important to you, and it will create space for new things that are equally or even more important. Learning to let go and to allow both things to be true is key to your healing. Number nine is borrowing a page from the poet Robert Frost, or I think it was Robert Frost, when he said, the best way out is through. This means not avoiding the shit, not numbing the shit, and not pretending that things are fine. Because when we fail to address the shit head on, it festers and it eats away at us and our relationships from the inside out to the point where it can no longer be ignored. Number 10, I think, is the most important, and that's that the shit isn't forever. Even though it feels like it's never going to end, there will be an end, and it's just a matter of time. It usually starts as a small glimmer rather than a bolt of lightning, and it's different for each person. Maybe it's not feeling a sense of dread when you wake up, or laughing out loud for the first time in a really long time. For others, it looks like setting a new boundary, and maybe even setting and resetting it over and over again. Or embracing creativity. For others, it's about appreciating time with a loved one or finding joy in the simplicity. Find those moments whatever they are and hold on to them. In time, the glimmers will glow brighter for longer, and the gap between glimmers will grow shorter and shorter. Eventually you'll start to say to yourself, I think I'm on the other side, and one day you'll know that you've made it. So what's ahead? This podcast has been a part of my journey of finding my voice, and I'm looking forward to seeing how things continue to evolve. It's been a labor of love, and I'm grateful to the listeners and my loved ones who have supported me along the way. Even though people now have a greater awareness of mental health and well-being post-COVID, there's still a stigma associated with going through the shit. There's an even bigger stigma in talking about the shit. I think that's evidenced by the fact that a lot of the prospective guests I've talked to aren't comfortable telling their story in a public forum. Because they think it might affect them professionally or because they're afraid of how others might perceive them. I'll be the first one to admit, it feels very scary to put myself out there in a very real and raw way. And I'm so grateful to all of my guests who have been brave enough to tell their stories. I think there's a lot of good that can come from this storytelling, so I'm going to continue to fight that stigma. I'm excited about the guests that I have lined up: more stories of shit, drug addiction, organ transplant recipient. We'll focus on why people grieve and we'll talk about other topics that might feel taboo, like the growing body of work around psychedelics and mental health. If you think you've got a story that fits the profile or know someone who does, reach out via email at through the shitpodcast at gmail.com or through the shit.com. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Stay tuned for what's to come, and welcome to The Shit. That's it for this episode of Through the Shit. Thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, like, share, and subscribe. And maybe send it to someone who needs a boost because they're going through the shit. While you're at it, tell them how important they are to you. If you have a story of shit to share or you're in the shit now, I'd love to hear from you. Email me at through the shitpodcast at gmail.com or go to our website at through the shit.com. I'll see you on the flip side.