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Episode 30: The Power of Doing Less · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I'm Denise, a speech and language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul From the latest in functional medicine, of healing your body, mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast, and you have Denise and I today talking all about the power of doing less.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: We always.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you are noticing, but all of our topics revolve around you know our moods and our lives.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Well, and I mean it makes sense, right.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I feel like we don't want this to be a scripted podcast where it's like oh okay, we're just going to do this one episode next, and then we're like really trying to think through what we can talk through.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: We want things to come to us naturally as we go through life, because we know that other people are going through this crap too.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Exactly, and that's what we want for the podcast.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: It's a conversation, it's just two human beings that are also doing life with you and you know, we're also showing you our strengths, our weaknesses, our motivations and wearing nuggets of wisdom, hopefully lack of motivation.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, let's talk about how it stemmed, because last week it was kind of funny and we're still in this stage.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: But I messaged Denise and I was and I don't remember who messaged who first but I was like I don't feel like doing anything, I don't feel like being on social media, I don't feel like marketing, and I said this I still very much want to have calls with my clients, but I don't want to do anything else around my business.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: So it wasn't that I was unmotivated in my life, Like I don't want to talk to my husband, like that wasn't happening, but solely in my business.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I was like I don't want to show up, I don't want to do anything.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I was very burnt out and tired and I told you as well that I'm not motivated.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: And I know it was also the energies, because I did go to a new moon and the new moon is in aries and they're still we're still in retrograde, by the way, so until mid-april and if you don't know what those terms are, I think we need to bring on somebody like with astrology or something to talk about all that but anyway, but however how I explained it someone I was at a full moon celebration one time and they explained it this way you know, when there is like the full moon and the new moon and all that, the tide, you know, the waves get affected, correct?
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: The water gets affected by the moon and, by all of that, by the planets.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: What are we made of?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well, I mean hello.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Look at our cycles too.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Exactly no, because some people say that, oh, that has nothing to do with us, the moon and the net is all woo-woo.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So I tried to.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I was at the book club and I told the ladies, like, just think about it this way, instead of going saying, because a lot of people who are religious do not believe in the moon and astrology and all that and the planet situation, right.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: But however, it does affect the ocean and we see it very clearly.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: We are made of water, so definitely affects us.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: We don't see it, obviously, because it's not concrete or those emotions and everything that's going inside.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: So there were some energies too, and I was just overwhelmed with everything being a speech therapist, doing therapy and assessment.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, by April you're freaking, burnt out and I kind of.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: But what did I tell you, though?
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I'm here because of some decisions and choices I made, and it kind of leads us to another topic that in other points I want to talk about how much addicted we are to the doing.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: So I was just not motivated with anything and I decided not to push through, and then I also got sick.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: So my body was like sit your ass down in bed, cancel everything.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: So I, you know, canceled therapy with my kiddos, I didn't go to the contract school that I go to and I was trying to feel bad a little bit.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: But then I told myself, do not feel bad, because your health comes first and your sanity.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, well, I want to talk a little bit about the overwhelm, because I feel like everyone is going to resonate with this at some point.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Right, and not just overwhelmed, but unmotivated.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: We're all going to go through this.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: It's a season of life, it's just.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Where are we unmotivated?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Is it throughout our lives?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Is it?
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I'm unmotivated for the next week to cook?
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I'm unmotivated to do this.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: For me, it was like someone just flipped off the light switch in my business.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why is this happening?
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I still really want to talk my clients Like I'm motivated to have my calls to do my group program, but why don't I want to show up on social media?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: And for me, I think it was due to overwhelm.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I think for you it was due to overwhelm.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: You said that.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: But for everyone else, let's talk through like, why does this happen?
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Is it due to overwhelm?
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Is it a safety mechanism?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Is it due to overwhelm?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Is it a safety mechanism?
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Is it a control thing?
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Are you needing validation?
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: This is what Denise and I mean when we say do the inner work.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It's turning within and looking at.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm unmotivated, but why is this happening?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: What's underneath the surface?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: And I think it's easy to ignore those things Exactly.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Do you have an idea Like I have an idea of mine that we can touch on, but what do you think?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Well, let's touch on some of the invisible loads to give the person listening right now saying how am I going to look within?
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: So the invisible load can be the physical, uh, physical labor, like you're doing so much all the time you do a lot, whether it's work, the kids, the whatever right, because you, you, the person listening right now might be like, well, I have five children, right, so I'm overwhelmed by that.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Or it could be emotional labor that you're putting too you're, you're thinking too much, whether it's the past, the future, worrying about this or about that.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: It could be the perfectionism, right, everything has to be perfect.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: You know my, my house has to be perfect, the kitchen has to be perfect, the laundry has to be perfect, the kids need to be fed and then the job has to be that's tiring just talking about it right now like the perfectionism, literally project has to be perfect.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I can't send this that that the email has to be written perfectly, the traumas.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: So, for example, I was talking to my friend oh, you know her.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I was talking to Lily on Friday because I took my daughter to Knott's Berry Farm and she was like girl, I don't know why.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: She said that we were talking about something I forgot what we were talking about.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: And she's like, girl, you grew up.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're talking about the Middle East.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: She's like you grew up in that and I was like, yeah, and she's like you must be like on the go all the time and they said, no, it could be trauma, right, something that's from your past that leads to you know the addiction to the doing and to the whatever.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And it could be also people pleasing, right, you're trying to please the people in the household.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: You're trying to please the people in your company, you're trying to please the people that you work with and you're taking on so much that could also lead to overwhelm and yeah, so these are some things that you might experience, you, the person listening.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: And then we're going to hear from Kira what is her invisible load, and then I'll tell you mine.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Well, which is funny because that's where I was going to go with this of like, sharing mine, and these could be some things.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I think it's multiple for me and I'm still sorting through that, and that's okay.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not putting pressure on myself of you need to figure this out today, because this is the meaning of X, y, z, I don't care, but I need to turn inward and look at okay, well, why is this happening right now?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, perfectionism has always been a piece for me.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Do I call myself a recovering perfectionist?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, because I'm not necessarily in those same tendencies, right, like in the past, I would write an email and there'd be a typo and someone would point it out and I'd be like oh my gosh, now I'm like yeah, shows that I'm human.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not like getting AI to write my stuff for me, right, but I think the perfectionism of showing up in my business, right?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Well, everyone says that to grow your business and to show the world your value, you've got to do these Instagram posts daily, you've got to show up on Facebook multiple times a day, and that was still a form of perfectionism.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, the people pleasing, which, denise, you and I have talked about this, but I come from a working background, meaning I have always worked, I have always desired to work, and for seven and a half years I worked under a doctor.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Even though I had some of my own clients and still did my own thing, for the most part, 75% of my work came from him and my work was always tied into my worth, and so I stayed busy and I earned a certain income and I felt good about it.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Well, that partnership ended mutually and it was something I had actually been manifesting for a while.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: But when it happened, I was thrown into oh my gosh, now I don't have enough work, now I'm not making the money.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Now there goes my worth, and so I think it's still with me a year later, after not being with him is like oh my gosh, like I can't be still.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: I can't give myself this space.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I've got to go, do, do, do, do, do.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: And so, for the first time ever, this is me saying, uh-uh, screw that shit.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to do, do, do.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean to me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I'm addicted to the doing.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm addicted to being on the go and, of course, it's probably stemming from my past trauma.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It's probably stemming from my upbringing.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: My mom was a stay-at-home mother and back in the day I tried to explain to people.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: But even right now, people get married young and they have children at 14.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: It's like when my, when my grandma in the middle of the east got married at 16.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, y'all getting pregnant here at 14, but anyway, so, um, because I'm like, oh, back in the day, it's not back in the day, it's happening now, but anyway.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: So my mom is a young mother.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: She was 18 years old and stay at home mom and my dad is the one who works and I think she, for some reason, she had tied in some self-worth with working.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So it was constantly you got to work, you got to graduate, you got to have a degree, you got to bring in your own money, which is great, yes, I do bring in my own money but that put too much pressure of the doing, doing, doing, doing, doing and constantly being addicted to the doing.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: So, even though I know that my body needs to rest and I needed to rest, like yesterday, for example, I was I mean, I'm exhausted, Like I needed to rest and in my mind like, oh my God, I got to do the laundry and I was just like forcing myself to freaking sit down.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: So I would sit down, I would go outside just to kind of like get away from like the doing.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: But I feel it is the addiction.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: It's because if you're not doing and you're sitting, still that means there's something wrong with you.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Right, see how that's tied in.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with you, it's just you are resting right now and we just don't know how to really be in stillness.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: We don't, I just don't know how to be in stillness.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And another thing I have for me as far as business and that's what led me to this choice is yes, I've been a speech therapist for 20 years.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have the confidence.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have all that, but believe it or not?
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Because people who know me think, oh, my goodness, there's no way you feel that way and I'm like, yes, I do.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I also have this imposter syndrome because now I'm a business owner.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Right, so this is the second year I'm a business owner and I keep reminding myself that.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I'm not making decisions based on that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Right, so I could have gotten an intern, I could have hired, and I didn't.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Right, right, I kept taking on the load, and now it's april and I'm freaking exhausted, right, yes, it is a good problem to have.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: No, it's a freaking problem.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: It's not a good problem to have a bad problems that because people say oh, you know, yeah, you're great, you're busy.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Busy is not great, busy is overwhelming, you is just.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: You need the calm right to make those decisions.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: And I also wrote down people pleasing I don't please other people like where people pleasing comes for me is pleasing my, my children.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I have an issue, I have a problem.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: My name is Denise and I have a problem and it is pleasing my babies.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: So, for example, like I don't like to upset them, I like to you know, making sure that they're constantly you know, so that I overly please them, and that's why I put so much pressure on myself and then I just blow up, which?
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Is not a good thing, because had I not pleased them or did did everything that they wanted, I would have not blown up.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: But I just keep yeah, um, we were talking before we hit record and I was like, denise, we do have to talk about this.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: You started watching that joplin tornado documentary, which ted ted was watching it too.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I didn't watch it with him, he was telling me about it, but you had a great little analogy.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Do you want to share that?
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: yes, so I didn't watch the whole thing, I just dimitri started when my husband started watching it and I was like, oh, what is this?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Because they started talking about like the being in the tornado and then all that stuff was like, oh, that's interesting, but the way that she described it is I've never been in a tornado, so I don't even know what it looks like.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I just see them, thankfully.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: So she was saying that they were in the eye.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: So I guess they were going through the tornado, they were driving and what happened is that they were very scared and they got sucked into the eye of the tornado and they all described it as seeing multiple vortexes and they described it as calm.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So, mind you, they're in that chaos, everything is chaos around.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: So, mind you, they're in that chaos, everything is chaos around them.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: But they're in the eye and they're feeling the calm.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And then all of them said, all of them that were interviewed we felt the acceptance.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: We accepted.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: So that peace and that calm triggered acceptance.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: They were ready to be taken to the other realm, they were ready to go.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: However, a lot of them survived, like the ones who were talking about it, obviously.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Obviously.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: They're talking to you from the other side.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, and I just really loved that.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: This is a perfect analogy of the chaos is happening around us all the time.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: As you go in within, it's that emptiness, so the tornado is happening.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: The emptiness of the eye of the tiger is the calm, right, so life is happening around us.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Around us, the calm is when you go within and find that empty space.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: There is calm in the emptiness.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: And there's always going to be that chaos.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: What are you focusing on?
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Are you focusing on all the crap that's flying around you that's not doing anything for you, or are you accepting where you're at in the moment, which is what you and I kind of did last week.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: We were coaching each other constantly on WhatsApp.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: You guys of like it's okay, it's okay to feel unmotivated, it's okay not to show up.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I literally sent Denise the message and I'm like I know the answer, but I need you to tell me that it's okay that I don't show up on social media.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And I love how I tell her.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: This is your reminder, like, kind of like, talk to each other like little children.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: This is your reminder, kira, not to show up on so or?
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean like, and right now you're taught you.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: You're saying something that triggered and I want to tell the person who's listening right now, if you don't have a person that you can go to, please find that person.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what?
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I mean and if you don't have it, find it in yourself.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Find that person yeah, you know what I mean.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: And if you don't have it, find it in yourself.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Be that person for yourself.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I know it's always fun to have that person on the other side saying I'm reminding you not to work today, missy.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: If you don't have it, try to find it, or find it in yourself and you can you and I still do that to ourselves, right?
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: It's not like.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: I turn to you for everything it's.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I am coaching myself, and I'm talking not out loud to myself throughout the day, though of like.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Why am I doing this?
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Why is this thought continuing to show up?
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Why, you know?
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Just continuing to dig.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: So you have that.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: You just have to turn within, and that was the next thing I wanted to say too.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: Is we get to this place of overwhelm, or right?
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: The tornado is swirling all around us and there's all this crap.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: That's a sign.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: It's a sign you've gone for far too freaking long without checking in with yourself, and this is again where it goes to those patterns, right Of like.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Well, if you're a people pleaser, you're probably not going to check in with yourself because you're trying to please everyone else or your kids, but you've got to be checking in with yourself, and I don't care what that check-in looks like it can be in the morning of.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: How am I feeling right now?
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: What do I need?
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Do I need to drink a glass of water?
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Do I need to step outside?
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Do I need to take some deep breaths?
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Do I need to step away from this thing?
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Do I need to let the dishes sit in the sink Because I don't want to deal with them right now, and that's okay.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: But you got to check in and then ask yourself the questions.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I love what you said, that I do it loud and I do it quietly and aloud.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I do both.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: It depends on the situation, but sometimes I do catch myself saying it out loud.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: And because the other day Avery was like, were you talking to yourself?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Because I did see your lips moving, I was like, oh shit, I was in the back, I was filling up the car.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, how did you see me?
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: But I feel sometimes like when we say look within or dig deep, uh, it could be a little bit misunderstood.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Maybe.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like what am I telling myself?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's asking the questions, like ask the questions.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Why am I feeling this way?
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Is there something that I need to learn?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Is this the pattern?
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Like be curious, like a child being curious because out of curiosity the answers will start coming.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: You might see a post, or your friend might send you a message, or you might open a book and be like oh, you know, this is the answer to my question.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: So start asking the question, versus like having I don't have time to journal.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I don't have to, it doesn't need to be journaled or anything If you got to the overwhelm section, like same, like how you and I got there.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: We're like dude, we're here.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: That means we've gone way too far without checking with ourselves what do we need to do?
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: We had to bring ourselves back to homeostasis, right and right now I feel like we are.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, we might still be in that funk, but we are at peace with that funk.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: We're in the eye of the tornado right now.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: We're in the eye of the tornado, right.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: So the tornado is happening around us and we're just like feeling the peace that you know we're accepting it but we're still doing things differently about it.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: So you know, like checking in does not have to be sitting down in meditation or hypnosis or journaling.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Checking in could be just taking your walk or drinking your coffee and asking the questions.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and I want to bring this back to you mentioned the trauma piece and, guys, it doesn't just have to be trauma.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: We can go back to talking about the nervous system and safety and how we grew up and all of that stuff.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Sometimes staying busy feels safer in our bodies than being still.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I want you to remember that, because I did not grow up in the environment that Denise did, but I did grow up in an environment watching my mom constantly be busy and never sit down during the day.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: You sat down at the end of the day when you know the day was done and that was it.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Like, literally, at night is when you sat down.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: You were busy the rest of the day just doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, and that's what I saw, and so I assume that was normal.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: It took me decades to figure out like, oh my gosh, like her nervous system was responding accordingly, she was in fight or flight and she couldn't get out.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Like rest, stillness, quiet, solitude, meditation, like that didn't feel safe and it sure as heck did not feel safe to me.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: So if you're like I can't sit still, I can't be in silence, I can't do that, okay, well, that's a clue also in something that you can start to dig into.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, because what you're doing is you're also because, if you grew up in these environments and this is your safety what you're doing is, unconsciously, we are creating the experiences to create like we're.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: You know how, when people say you're bringing the experiences, maybe you're not bringing them to you, but you are creating the experiences again and again to feel the safety.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Right, so something.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: That's why sometimes you know when people do the inner work and you know they, they start regulating their nervous system.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: It feels like what the heck this is not normal, it does oh my goodness it's very uncomfortable to be in silence, being calm yeah exactly being calm, and then you know being in balance, like it's uncomfortable.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: If you grew up in, you know, chaos, or in the tornado or whatever, whatever.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: So we do create those experiences.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Hence, sometimes we hence we make the choices to create the experiences, to get to the overwhelm, because overwhelm and busyness is our safety.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I think this is it right now.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: It's the big aha moment right now for you and me is this is our problem.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: It is Chaos and overwhelm and busyness are our safety.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Hence we keep making the choices to creating them.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: We're admitting this to you people.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Hello, this is a therapy session, crazy, wow.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's an aha moment right there.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It is our safety.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: So we're doing everything in our power to recreate those experiences.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: How?
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: By those choices that we're making.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: And I'm also going to say, if we don't want to use the term safety for the people that are like, no, I sure as hell don't want that, okay, but what do you know?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Because that's what I knew.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I even look back at high school, college, I was a procrastinator and I just thought, oh, I just procrastinate, I find other stuff to do.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: No, I recognize now that I did that because it created that chaos.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: It created that, oh my gosh.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I have now that I did that because it created that chaos, it created that, oh my gosh.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: I have six hours to get this, you know, 14 page essay done.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: So if I wait till the very last minute, it creates that chaos and that's where I thrive.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: So I thought but it was, we can call it safety, we can call it comfort.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: That's what I knew.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, exactly, safety or what you know.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: It's what it comfort.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: That's what I knew.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, exactly, safety or what you know.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: It's what you know.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: It's what you, it's what you saw, it's what you got used to.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: You know so that's why, right now, us showing our children, resting, you know, and then doing all that will help them with what they know with their environment.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and then if we think about that, right, if that's what we know, our safety, whatever, and I mentioned the nervous system we're dysregulated, we're in fight or flight.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Usually that's also cortisol, right?
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: So we'll call it a cortisol fog.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: We cannot hear what our body is saying to us when we're in that state, our intuition is dulled, and this is, you know, honestly.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Now I think I'm going to send this episode to some clients, because I've had some ask me why, like you always tell me to listen to my body, but I can't get there.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: There are some tools and maybe that's another episode for us, but one of the signs is, if you can't tap into how your body feels or your intuition, that's a sign right.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: You need to get to that very uncomfortable place of the stillness, of the calmness.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Like Denise and I are saying, it is very, very uncomfortable for me to be at home and not constantly posting on social media or doing something to market my business, but I know that that discomfort is where the healing comes in.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah and yeah, we can, I mean, and that's you cannot.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: What was it?
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: You cannot come up with the solution, or some.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: What was the?
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: the quote of like there's a few you can't solve something with the same level.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: You created it from you know what I mean, like the same level of unconsciousness that the problem got created, hence, hence, that's why the stillness and it's hard, it is really hard to be in stillness and when we're talking, stillness like an emptying your mind of thoughts.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: It is not easy.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: So I do want to recommend something, really quickly, if you are interested.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's the Japa Meditation by Wayne Dyer.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: So you just go on YouTube and then just write Japa, j-a-p-a Meditation, wayne Dyer, and he has the long version and the short version, but he guides you through how to make.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: He says make connection with God between the thoughts, right?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: So basically the emptiness, getting in the gap, like we talked about the tornado, right?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: So when you're in the eye of the tornado, this is when the calm is happening, that is the gap, right?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: So when you get in the gap between your thoughts, meaning no thoughts, this is when the true calm and the true solution can come up or the clarity, or you connecting with your higher self, with your higher power, with God, with your angels.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: And physical healing that's still physical healing.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, Absolutely.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: But it's just that it's really uncomfortable, but you got to.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you want to, it's practice.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Like anything in life, it requires practice.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's why I said, if you want to tap into that and see how it feels to be in the stillness, I would definitely recommend the Joppa.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, as we wrap up, I just want to briefly touch on how we can still show up when we're unmotivated.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: And, honestly, a piece of this is you guys, like, you have to figure out how you need to show up, because it depends on what you're unmotivated about.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Right, for me it was business and it's like okay, I can still show up for my clients at a hundred percent.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: I don't need to show up on social media, I don't need to do marketing, and for me it was artwork.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I was messaging Denise.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm doing neuro graphics over here, like I'm just drawing.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: That's all I wanted to do and that's okay.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I was still doing other stuff.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: But for you guys, it might be teeny, tiny little things.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Of like, I'm unmotivated in every aspect of my life.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, make sure that you're taking care of your kids, make sure that you're drinking water, make a healthy meal, like, just do the small things, but don't force yourself into doing things you really don't want to do.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: And I know there's a delicate balance there of like, well, I don't want to make a healthy meal.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, we'll figure that out.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: We'll go to Trader Joe's or go to Whole Foods, like you can find an alternative.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I get it Cause, yeah, sometimes I'm not motivated to cook, I'm not motivated to make a healthy meal.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I get it Because, yeah, sometimes I'm not motivated to cook, I'm not motivated to make a healthy meal.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I get it Sometimes.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Motivate Sometimes, like I understand that your motivation was around business, but sometimes with me and I was just, I was not motivated with anything and I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And I did that, but I also guilted myself until I unguilted myself.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: So it is give yourself the permission and I'm not saying give yourself permission to do it for a month, like this is too much.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: However, give yourself the grace, and I know I keep saying that.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I keep saying that because I keep reminding myself, because I don't give myself enough grace, right?
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: So just give yourself the grace.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: If you're not motivated, you're not.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: You're not motivated, you know.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: You don't want to talk to somebody on the phone.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: You want to reply to a text.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: You don't want to talk to your husband, your partner, to whatever it is.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just give yourself permission to be and then later on, go on the walk and do the thing Like first of all, please give yourself permission to be.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Amen to that.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: You know, because fuck this bullshit.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Like I'm really right now, like I just kind of upset myself a little bit Like be great, because I told myself how much I'm not graceful with myself and I tell people to be graceful with themselves yeah be graceful with yourself.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can be.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: You can have a week of unmotivation.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: That's fine, because guess what, after that week of unmotivation, you may have a whole month of a whole clarity.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so just take that week, because I know that, because you've been talking a lot about business and the person listening might be like what the fuck?
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: I don't have a business.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: It could be not motivated anything.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: You may not want to talk to your mom, I don't know, or to your husband, or to your wife or to your whoever partner, because sometimes we don't.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: So whatever, and that's the thing.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Unmotivation can show up in every aspect of our lives.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: And it can be an operation for the job.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: So call in sick.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: It's fine.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: That's why you have the sick days.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, you don't have to be sick Mentally.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: You need that break.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: You know like, yeah, yeah, some questions to ask ourselves, yeah so, yeah, yeah, some questions to ask ourselves, yeah, so I can go off tangents.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I think the listeners know already, denise goes off tangents they do, and that's, that's the beauty of us.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Um, so yeah, I'm not a journaler.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Denise likes to journal.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I don't care if you guys like to journal or not.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: You can still ask yourself these questions, whether it's in your head, like coaching yourself, like we mentioned, you can journal on them.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I don't care what you do, but when you get to the point of feeling unmotivated, overwhelmed or, honestly, you could just do this regardless.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Ask yourself a few things.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: First, where in your life are you striving instead of listening?
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: And again I tie this back to business, but it could be.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Denise mentioned kids.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Am I striving to just please them all the time or am I listening to my body and what I need?
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what does stillness feel like in my body?
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: And we touched on this Do you feel safe there or is it scary?
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Because I know, for me and Denise it's scary.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: It's scary.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Stillness is scary.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, did I tell you when I went to that restorative yoga class and it's so slow?
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: And at the end she was like she was the feedback and I couldn't even, I couldn't even shut up.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I was like you didn't flow, it didn't flow, she's like because it's called restorative yoga.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: You're like, this was not restorative.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: That stillness was killing me, but I'm like I needed it so bad, you know.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: So it's scary for me, yes, and I've been doing the work for a long time.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that stillness is scary, but it's really beautiful when you get it done?
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, and that's the thing.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: If it's scary to you, what can you do to make it feel safe?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: You know, this is another opportunity for you to reflect and keep digging.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: And then, lastly, what would it look like to trust yourself even when you're not motivated?
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, denise said it still, she's like I'm not really motivated, but you're trusting yourself, you're giving yourself grace and that's okay, like, and I want to add as well.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: What are some of the things that you can also celebrate?
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: For example, like today, I told you, yes, I'm not motivated.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: However, it's a monday and I'm not overwhelmed with work, right?
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not like I wouldn't start recording until like, for example, 10 o'clock, I don't.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm going to the dmv at 12 o'clock and I don't have.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to the DMV at 12 o'clock and I don't have a client until later and I may not be able to see him if the DMV appointment, you know, took a bit longer.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: That's something that I want to celebrate, because I don't like to work on Mondays first thing in the morning.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I like to take my time on Mondays, I like to start later, and then I'm getting to a point where Mondays, I'm not working as much.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: So that's a big, big celebration.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not even taking the time to celebrate.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: But guess what, today, after I left with the voice message, I was like good job, denise, you did it.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Look at you, it's a Monday, you're not having the Monday anxiety.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: You're able to do this.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: And how?
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: How?
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: By all of the things that I was able to achieve and get to the place.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: So, to try to find the small itty bitty celebrations, because where you are today, I bet I mean hopefully, it's not where- you were 10 years ago or five years ago, but if you were, then we have a little bit of a problem that we need to start changing things.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Right, if you are at the same place that you were 10 years ago, right, but try to find some celebrations, you know.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: And yeah, celebrate, because I mean it's different journeys and different everything yeah yeah.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: I think this is it, I know.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I always love our episodes.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: So, like usual, before we tell you to share the episode, we want to remind you a few things.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: One is that we have uh, kira's self-love hypnosis in the show notes, so make sure that you're taking advantage of that, and Kira and I are working on something.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: So, in the past, we had a program all about mindset I'm not going to name it yet because I don't know if we're going to keep the name or not and because we ran it for a little bit and we loved it.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: However, we stopped doing it and now that we are recording the podcast and we love the podcast, we started to think about this program.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: So stay tuned.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: You're going to start hearing from us about this program that we're putting together, this online course that we're putting together all about mindset and pretty much everything that we kind of been talking about.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: So stay tuned.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: And then make sure that you share the episode with a friend, give us your feedback, leave us a message.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: You know the drill.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: And leave us a review.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: I'm also going to say we are celebrating.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: We crossed a thousand downloads, which for some is like, oh, who cares?
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: That's huge for us.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: So we are so, so grateful for everyone who has been listening, sharing with friends, supporting us.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: So, thank you, guys, keep it up.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: We're aiming for 2,000.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: We need the wee, the sound like wee, right?
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can add that, guys, we'll see.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: Well, we will see you on the next episode then.