Latest / Daughters of Armor / Episode 05: Can Christian Women Compete in Bodybuilding?
Transcript
- Episode 3 - DOAP: You competed in a fitness competition. I've competed in several fitness competitions. I'd love to hear so our topic today is from bodybuilding to building the body of Christ. How God transformed my mission, not just my muscles. So I mean, obviously, you know, we've been sharing how our view of health, of wellness has completely shifted. There's still some battles. There's still still some struggles. But I'd kind of like to rewind and speak about competing. ⁓ I think I already shared in the last episode when I first competed, I was still a baby Christian. Still new to the faith. I shared that I also really loved the process of competing. I personally enjoyed it, although. It's very challenging, very hard. so I'd love to just like talk about that and about, you know, what was your experience ⁓ when you stood on that stage? Like why did you compete? And yeah, what was your point of view back then when you were competing? Where was your mindset back then? Well I can tell you right like straight up my identity and motivation was not surrendered to God at the time. I didn't I didn't have a relationship with God at the time. ⁓ for me it was actually I've shared this with you, ⁓ but just to mention it again, the first time I ever saw okay. Fitness competitions when I competed fifteen years ago wasn't as widespread as it is now. I think just in terms, especially in Calgary, like it seems there's a show every month. ⁓ whereas when I competed, it was it was big, but it wasn't as big as it is now. like Especially working in the supplement industry, every f like one out of four people is a competitor. Mm-hmm. ⁓ But at the time, like I was not a healthy person, my life was chaotic. Drugs, partying, etcetera. I went to Vegas around the time of Mr. Olympia. Had no idea what Mr. Olympia was. I've never seen so many muscular people in my life. But it was the women that I gravitated to because they just embodied a lifestyle that I did not. Mm-hmm. ⁓ it wasn't just their bodies that I was enamored with. It was what their bodies actually represented. Discipline, hard work, sacrifice, grit. Yes. And when I when I hears me admiring them and I'm smoking a cigarette and I have, you know, hard alcohol in the other hand and I'm getting to the point where I'm gonna be blackout drunk. ⁓ so I I I went back t back home and I never I never forgot about that, but I always just I pushed it aside that it could never happen for me. And then I went to a party. Woke up extremely hungover and I said, You know what? I'm not doing this anymore. I flushed my cigarettes down the toilet, I stopped partying, and I just joined a gym. At the time it was Snap Fitness, right across the street from where I lived. And I went on bodybuilding dot com when it was free. And I followed Jamie Eason's twelve week program. Jamie Eason, yeah. And I fell in love with Fitness. I mean I d I had no idea what I was doing. I was just following an online free program. Mm-hmm. But I fell in love with training and it did something for my my mental state. Right. Like I started to gain confidence. Yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do a show just out of the blue. And my sister was like, I'm gonna do one with you And I was like, Okay, where do we start? Found a coach. Coach is awesome. And I think it was like six months. And ⁓ you know, I I wasn't ripped or anything, but I was finally at this place where I had confidence. I felt like I had worth value and the The journey from starting fitness to the competition I loved. Yep. The day of the competition, obviously I was a nervous wreck. For me it was it was not doing a show to win per se. It was can I do this? Yes. Like am I capable of doing something like this? Mm-hmm. And I trained really hard. I worked my butt off. ⁓ I think there was like twenty five to thirty women in my category in figure short. And I placed ninth, completely natural, and I was against women who were on performance enhancing drugs. Okay. It wasn't a tested ⁓ show or anything. But it was in Red Deer where I was living. Right. So it was it was local. And my sister did bikini. And so the day of the competition, I I was a nervous wreck, but I did it. And For me, that was enough. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Stepping on stage when you're standing off to the side and you're seeing all the other women go and then they call your name, it was almost like the fear and the anxiety just left. Because th it's so bright, I couldn't see anybody. All I remember is my coach and my friends and my family just cheering for me. Yes. They were so loud and that is actually what hyped me up and I just did my thing. Yes. And then I was off. And then that was it. That was the show. Yep. Yep. But It only took that one show for me to realize that that lifestyle that that show, like competing in particular, was not for me. ⁓ and then from there I actually just fell in love with power lifting and Olympic lifting. Mm-hmm. I was getting strong, I could eat. Yeah. Yep. And it was more about can you lift the weight? Yes. It wasn't about what I looked like. Yes. ⁓ 'cause for me that's been a battle my entire life ever since I was a kid. Right. And competing in figure amplified that. Right. I can see that. And I really struggled with body dysmorphia that has still carried with me. Right. Right. So I can relate to a lot of your story. Same thing. I what was the first show that I saw? I it wasn't the Olympia. I think it was a local show, but regardless, I thought the same. When those women walked out, all I saw was discipline and the time under the bar and just the dedication that it took. I was hyper acutely aware of the hard work. That's all I saw was hard work, hard work, hard work. And I thought it was beautiful. I really did. I really did. And so when I decided to compete, I wanted to celebrate my 40th. And for me it was if I go all in on this, what could I possibly achieve like with my physique? Not I wasn't even thinking about placing. I was like, doing all this and giving it a hundred percent what is possible. And for me, to be completely honest, every time I would get a new cut, a new, I was like, ooh, it felt like Christmas, especially getting closer to the show. Yeah. And with my background in performing, stepping on stage, that was like, that was the cherry on top for me. I thought that was the fun part. But it was the it was the process of if I'm following this program to the T, what could I what what will it achieve? What would what does that even look like? And like you, I fell in love with the process. And then similar to you, I remember my lip quivering because I was holding back tears because family and friends and clients were so loud. They had signs, and I was like, I was just so happy. I was just so happy. Literally, to me, that was the award. Yeah. That was the award. And I was, I was personally hooked because I loved the process. And I thought, okay. For me, my mentality was. I wasn't competing with the other women on the stage. I was competing with that version of me. And so for me, I also was very curious as to every category. So the first time I competed, I was in bikini, ⁓ a category called fitness and then fitness model. And then the next time I competed, I did figure. ⁓ I think I did figure two years in a row. That's where I actually got my pro card. And then the next year I did wellness. And so the only category that I didn't try was physique, which included the the routine, the posing routine. And so for me it was I looked at it like an art form. I looked at it like ⁓ I thought it was a challenge. to mold my body into what the category was highlighting, right? So there's a difference between bikini, there's between figure, between wellness, like the look is different. And for me, I looked at that as a challenge. It was so challenging and interesting for me to How do I train and eat so that I look, so that I fit that category? I thought it was really cool that our bodies are capable of doing that. And then I also thought, even if it's just for the first time, other women need to experience this to see what they are actually capable of. Now the difference I think with at least the federation that I compete with. you are tested, like and it's all natural. but it won't necessarily take you to the point where it can be a paid career. You know, it doesn't it doesn't qualify you for the amateur Olympic Olympia. It doesn't it it it's not tied to that. So it's more of The way that I look at this federation, it's more of like a performance than anything, because you don't there really is nowhere to go with it. Okay. ⁓ and I always looked at it as like a goal. I I personally like having a deadline. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that I like working towards something. So Well, 'cause then it's like, okay, I'm like obsessed with going to the gym. or your home gym with fitness, what is the end goal? Yeah. So at least with competition. Yes. It's okay, this is this is the end goal. And then I think actually after that, the real test and real goal is how do I get my body at a healthy maintenance calories and reverse diet so that my hormones are okay, my, you know, I'm eating A good amount of calories, not bouncing back and putting on twenty, thirty pounds, like maybe ten tops fifteen pounds away from stage weight and staying there. And I think for me that was a big challenge and I liked that challenge. See that's where I went wrong. Yeah, so there's a lot of people. I didn't reverse diet properly. Right. I just saw all of this food because when I when I stepped on stage I was like a hundred and twenty two pounds. Yeah. I think I started at a hundred and forty five. Wow. Yeah. And went down to one twenty two. I went from someone who didn't track anything. I just ate food. Yeah. To someone who was eating Tracking and eating maybe 1200. Right. Wow. ⁓ to post show putting on 55 pounds. Ouch. ⁓ that's just under three months. Now I know most of that was water retention and inflammation, but there was a lot of fat gain in there as well. Yeah. And it caused a real mental battle. 100%. I went from, you know. Having a six pack and lean to being plumpy. Yeah. You were you were fluffy. I was big time fluffy. So my coach though, my coach was amazing because like he told me about reverse siding and he he wrote me a program to properly do it and I just ignored it. Right. And I was just like, I'm hey, I'm sorry for wasting your time. He's like, you haven't wasted my time. Let's figure out what you want to do. Right. And we'll go from there. Right. Thankfully the gym that I went to, it wasn't just bodybuilders, but it was also power lifters, strong men, Olympic lifters, wrestlers. So I was surrounded by all different shapes and sizes. All different shapes and sizes. All different types of training. Yeah. And I just fell in love with That's cool. 'Cause it wasn't like I said earlier, it wasn't necessarily about how you looked. It was can you lift this weight? Yeah. And it was it was the type of training that I still do to this day. It's more athletic. Yeah. It's not so much about the aesthetic. Yeah. However, it's interesting how the less I paid attention to how I looked, I actually started to look better than when I did compete. Because now my body was it was more performance training. Yes. Than aesthetics. Than aesthetics. Yeah. And the less I focused on aesthetics, my body actually followed, if that makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah. ⁓ mind you, I was still not a Christian at this point. I didn't become a Christian until later in life. Yeah. ⁓ But my mindset around fitness started to change from how do I look to how do I perform? Yeah. But that also became an idol. Right. Because now if I didn't perform a certain way, my value and worth would go down. Right. So then I started experimenting with steroids. Wow. How did that go? Oral steroids. So ⁓ Gar Winstrawl. What did you experience? If I'm being honest with you, I absolutely loved them for the first twelve weeks. And then my skin started to break out, especially along the jawline. Yeah. My back started to break out. My hair started to thin. Yeah. I got really strong and I was able to retain muscle and strength of course and recovery, the leaner I got. But for me the side effects outweighed the cons. Yes. So thankfully I took very low doses and I didn't inject ⁓ and I wasn't on them long enough to have the long term side effects. Then those side effects are scary. But even just the skin breaking out was enough for me to say Red flag. I'm not I'm not okay with this. Yeah. I don't wear makeup on a daily basis the way that I used to. Yeah. When I was, you know, a teenager. ⁓ so for me, like my skin, I want my skin to look nice. A hundred percent. And when you're like losing your hair, yeah. ⁓ for me It just that was enough. Twelve weeks was enough for me to realize that this isn't worth it. Yeah. And also how long do I want to do this for? Mm-hmm. ⁓ so yeah. There was a lot of social pressure for that too. You know, you're in that industry, people are getting strong, you you wanna perform well. You wanna perform well. and steroids were very easy to get. Well, I mean, that's also very common for fitness competitors who are actually human. ⁓ yeah. Who are trying to make it into like Olympia level. It's it's pretty common because Well and that was that was why am I doing this? I don't want to compete at a that kind of level. Yeah. ⁓ so why exactly am I doing this? Yes. Yes. For ⁓ like w what is what is this actually worth? Yes. And that's where I think it's interesting because there are some Olympia level bikini competitors that I follow. ⁓ one in particular who is is a little bit more bold in proclaiming that she's a Christian. I remember following her, I think it was leading up to the Arnolds and she was filming herself on IG with her Bible open, like praising, praying, worshiping, and like God bless her for doing that. That like she has a b a big influence. And I'd actually like to talk about that 'cause even there's a lot of professional sports ⁓ players, whether it be basketball or soccer, and they take the moment after a game to proclaim the gospel, which I think is really cool. But with competitors specifically who are, let's face it, practically naked, right? And that's what they're doing for a living. I mean, bodybuilding, you are being judged by the body that you build. Hence it's why it's called bodybuilding. ⁓ I'd love for us to talk about can Can a Christian woman compete? And I will admit, I have struggled with this myself. I mean, I train women to compete because I do love the process. And I want to make sure that they get on stage and off stage afterwards in a healthy manner because primarily they're women over 40, and I know that. They are either in premenopause or will be in premenopause and I don't want to already mess with the hormones that are messing with them. So I wanna make sure that I take care of them. Like that's also also why is because I want to make sure they're taken care of. Yeah. Aside from the the process and and the love of it. And and because I'm a woman, I wanna make sure and I've experienced it and I am, you know, perimenopause, I wanna make sure that they're taken care of, which is why I I Do you have a passion for that? But I'd love for us to kind of talk about. So this one competitor, again, she is a a professional bikini competitor. She's an Olympian. She proclaims to be a Christian. On the one hand, obviously her career is is competing, wearing a bikini. But even in her and posing pretty bikini, especially bikini. Yes. Which is why. I was ⁓ attracted to figure because the posing is harder. Yeah. Anyway, but to to look at her IG, it's still, even if it's not posting herself in her, you know, bikini or the, you know, leading up to the stage, her just her day-to-day life. She is wearing a lot of skimpy clothing, ⁓ you know, very sexy. I think too, even when she's training, because she's barely wearing any clothing, it can be provocative. And so my thought is, okay, well How how cause now that I was struggling, like, do I want to ever compete again? But then I look at her feed, is that being a hypocrite? Is that is there a contradiction there with, you know, that Proverbs 31 woman that, you know, yes, some bodily training is good, but we are to like as Christian women, can we or is she using her as an example? Is she walking out her faith with that as her? Profession and is is it okay for for Christian women to compete? Big question, I know. I think. The question of Should Christian women compete depends on her heart. Yeah. And her competition and whether the competition helps or hinders her walk with God. And that's something that only she and God can can confirm. Mm-hmm. ⁓ the the Bible obviously doesn't explicitly forbid fitness competitions. Right. Right. ⁓ but the Bible does give principles to help believers discern their motives and conduct. Mm-hmm. ⁓ so like let's start with reasons why a Christian woman should compete. ⁓ so Competition can be can be a form of faithful stewardship if and it's a strong if she trains to honor God. It's not an idol. And because remember, training is caring for the body that God has given us. Right. ⁓ she demonstrates discipline, perseverance, self control, remains humble whether she wins or loses. Yes. ⁓ she uses the platform to glorify Christ and Him alone rather than herself. Mm-hmm. her identity remains rooted in being a daughter of God, mm-hmm, not in her physique or placing. Mm-hmm. we've mentioned first Timothy four eight many times so far. physical training has some value. Yes. Paul doesn't dismiss physical training. He simply puts it in its proper place. Now, potential dangers, like you said. Yep. Like it has a strong chance of becoming an idol. Yes. We are very, very familiar with that area. Yep. The fitness industry in particular, not just competitions, but the fitness industry as a whole encourages vanity, pride, comparison, self-exaltation, identity based on appearance. ⁓ so this is where discernment comes in. And I think a good thing for Christian women to asks them ask themselves even even if they're not right now competing but it's on their mind because they see it everywhere am I doing this to pursue excellence to seek the approval of people would I still still feel valuable if I never stepped on stage is my joy dependent on my appearance Am I becoming obsessed with my body? Is this drawing me closer to Christ or pulling me away from him? Yes. Okay. So I let's say use me for an example. And those those temptations are not unique to bodybuilding. Yes. ⁓ Many sports professions but they can be especially strong when our physique is being judged. Yes. So let's okay, let's rewind and I'm gonna literally cause I've shared with you, like I've been debating, do I ever want to step on stage again? So let's start with the first question. What was the first question? ⁓ am I pursuing excellence or seeking the approval of people? Okay. Am I pursuing excellence or seeking the approval? So, okay, if I genuinely reflect on that, and this is where this is good, because I'm I mean, this is why we have I think it's important to have godly women in your life to help discern and talk about this, right? So for me, the pursuit of excellence would be I honestly believe I don't think I have brought my best on stage. Because I think that The first time that I competed, I had newbie gains. So I feel so I feel like the muscle development that I had was good, but it wasn't as full as it could be because of the time that it like r in reality, especially women who are natural, the time and effort required to make those muscle bellies full is a lot of hard earned effort under the bar that I know I haven't actually given yet. Like I will admit I know that if I were to go if I were to compete so Do you believe that you haven't reached your true potential? Yes. Okay. As a fitness competitor. Okay. Because when I when I look when I reflect on because what you put on stage, that's what it's that's the time and effort that you put in the gym. Like that's not what you know, that didn't happen overnight. That's years. You're showcasing the the final step. Yes. And I feel that For me personally, when I reflect on the hours that I've put under the bar, I don't think I have actually reached my maximum to build because we all have ⁓ especially women over forty, I'm almost fifty, right? So I do have a lot of years in that, you know, in terms of experience, ⁓ but in terms of pushing myself to my max, I don't think I've actually done that yet. Okay. And that's where I'm curious again. Okay. What could I possibly achieve if I had the right coach to who sees my potential? Cause that's what I do when I see other when I see women who want to compete, I can see their potential, but it's hard to see yours. I think it's really hard. And there's a lot of people who do it who who are their own coach. But I think it's different when you actually have a coach who's professional. Who will take your hormones into consideration and will get you to the best possible maximum of your muscularity? There's also finances behind having a coach too. Yes. Of course. So you also have that on your mind. Yes. Like I'm actually paying So I want to squeeze every penny that I'm inv that I'm investing. you versus everybody else. It was you versus you. And like, can I actually do this? Because I think when you step on stage, for me, at least for me, if I know that I gave it my absolute best, then I will be satisfied. But when I reflect back, I don't think I was I've been like a hundred and ten percent satisfied because I've I I think I could still Give more. Does that make sense? Like, yeah. So that's there there's there okay, what's n what's question number two? This is good for me. I'm like, am I gonna get by the end of this episode, I'm gonna know whether or not I should compete. Would you still feel valuable if you never stepped on stage? A hundred percent. Because like right now, even if I didn't, I would still be okay. ⁓ so that probably answers the third question, which was ⁓ is your joy dependent on your appearance? Yeah, no. So I think for me 'cause I know the reality of when I step onto that stage, that's for one that look is for one day. Yeah. That's one day. It's very hard to sustain that look. ⁓ and so I think I think the the again, the challenge goes back to can I reverse diet? well and get myself back to a good maintenance, ⁓ both in physique, macros, all the things, all the health markers, especially at this age, would be I think actually that's the that's the challenge, really. Mm-hmm. That's more the challenge I think than actually getting on stage, to be completely honest. Which I think is a cool challenge. Yeah. Which is really hard. It also helps that you are in a godly marriage. Yes. Whereas I don't think this specific influencer is. Yeah, it's hard to say. And if she is, she doesn't showcase it. Right. Yeah. So it does help having that spiritual connection with someone 'cause it can also ground you. Yes. And they can also be your discernment when we might be blind to certain things. So at least you have that accountability. Yes. Too. And you know what? I don't even think I would document I don't think anyone would know that I was competing except you. See that's that's that's you and my and my husband. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I wouldn't ⁓ I I don't because it's such a for me, such a personal thing. I wouldn't actually you know how some and flow stores like, l follow me and they do like a vlog of their whole I don't think I have no in I I am such a p I am such a ⁓ what's the word? Private person. I've never documented and I've competed many times. I've never documented, nor do I care to document me leading up to see and I think that's that comes down to when I what I said earlier. ⁓ Competition is will this hinder your walk or encourage your walk? Mm-hmm. So but not every not every Christian woman has your perspective. Yeah. ⁓ and I understand that someone who's very strong and firm in her faith. Mm-hmm. ⁓ especially I've gotten to know it's crazy how it's already been a year. I know. Where's where's the tie? ⁓ especially because you like you and I share such similar fitness backgrounds. ⁓ we're very I I believe our discernment of whether fitness is becoming an idol. you and I are very the Holy Spirit has really rooted us in discernment. in his discernment to be able to recognize and step back. Mm-hmm. not a lot of Christian women have that. Not a lot of Christian women have accountability friends. Right. Who are strong and firm in their faith. Which is gonna be another episode, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. And that if you know, I mean not to say I you know, I do wanna recognize that that finished competitor, obviously she makes money. Like this is her living. That's all she does, right? I I'm sure she has some other side businesses, but her primary she is her brand. So I will I I do wanna honor that, that she competes because she ⁓ earns an income. Yeah. And she has sponsors and all that stuff. ⁓ but as a Christian, I just think, hm. I think a unique consideration is the presentation. Right. More than anything. Yeah. And a lot of I know that there are Christian competitors who do wrestle with aspects of bodybuilding competitions, especially it's not just f figure physique. Figure physique, you might not be posing in a very flirtatious, sexy way where you're sticking your butt out, but you're still in a revealing situation. Right, of course. Yeah. But particularly bikini. Mm hmm. And I think wellness, I could be wrong. ⁓ but like very relieve revealing posing suits. Yes. Stage presentation where you're emphasizing your physical physical appearance. Especially I recently watched ⁓ I believe it was the New York Pro. Right. I could be wrong on that. Yep. ⁓ but even just the way that they turn and do a little shoulder nudge and a little It's flirtatious. It's definitely flirtatious, yes. ⁓ The the like the tanning, yeah, the posing which is designed to display the body for judging. Accentuate. And accent accentuating. Yes. this is where I think Romans fourteen teaches that believers should act according to a clear conscience before God. Right. And some Christian women Conclude they can participate with a clear conscience, others decide they cannot because the presentation conflicts with their convictions about modesty. So this is an area where sincere Christians may reach different conclusions. Yes. So there really is no yes or no answer. Should Christian women compete? Right. It all comes down to their heart always. A clear conscience. Yes. ⁓ so instead of asking, is competing a sin? Mm-hmm. Ask, can I do this wholeheartedly for the glory of God? Yes. So when I think about that and applying it to myself, because that was one of the questions, right? On okay. So when I think about that, am I glorifying God? You know, I if I were to compete in figure again, so part of my mind is like, Well, ⁓ yes, because I'm practicing Discipline. I'm if I'm gonna do this, and I know we talked about this because competing is the most unhealthy thing you can do, but how can I do this? Because it's important for me to get on stage eating the most that I can with the least amount of cardio, not manipulating sodium or water, and then pushing myself in the bar under the bar, showing up fully. Recognize what a gift it is to be on that stage, come off that stage humbly, whether I win or not, and then respect this body enough to not commit the sin of gluttony. You know, maybe have my my celebratory donut, sure, but not stuff my face and gorge and do it in a way that is healthy and glorifying to him. And thank him for that experience. Can I do that? That's I think for me, that's where I'm like, can I do it? Can I do that? Is that even possible? I think that's where I'm just I'm I'm that's where my prayer request is and that's where you know, if I were to compete, it wouldn't be till next year anyway, because I would want to take a full year of doing a really good build. But yeah, I think that's how my perspective of it is. I wouldn't announce it to the world that I'm doing this. Mm-hmm. There's only would be a select few that I would want to support me 'cause I would like to hear a little bit of cheering in the audience. Right? Yeah, I don't know. I'm I think, yeah. I just I just I don't I don't I would pray I don't I wouldn't w I would not want it to be an idol. I would not want it to take away from my God time. I I would want to make sure that I'm doing it it in the healthy, quote unquote healthiest way possible. Yeah. Yeah. So if I said it before, can I do this wholeheartedly for the glory of God? If this woman cannot say that her preparation, her mindset, her presentation, and her motives are all offered to Christ, then it may not be wise to compete. Right. But I I will never discourage a woman to pursue fitness. I will never discourage someone to pursue fitness, whether they're male or female. I believe strength training is the best anti-aging thing that you could possibly do. Agreed. It and it is such a gift to be able to strength train, resistance train, whatever you want to call it. It is such a good gift that the Lord has blessed us with. Yes. But it becomes an idol when our bodies become our identity. Yes. And that is where for me personally, yes, because I struggle with Slippery slippery. Yeah. Competition is not for me. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ my convictions are definitely different from someone else's, like yours. ⁓ and like I said earlier, there is no yes or no answer. Mm-hmm. It it just it all comes down. to the heart and what we worship. ⁓ so if if you're if the answer is Christ, then every workout, meal, and goal can become an act of worship. Yes. If the answer is admiration, validation, or worshiping myself. Even a healthy lifestyle can become spiritually unhealthy. Easily. And that is where we really need to pray. for an increase in discernment. Yes. Yes. Agreed. I know you prayed last time, but I'm g I'd would like you to pray for me to make the right decision. So would you be okay with closing with a with that in mind? Of course. Thank you. Of course. Father God, thank you so much for another great episode. ⁓ Thank you, God. It has been encouraging, ⁓ even for my heart and convicting as well, because I mean fitness fitness becomes such a huge it is such a huge part of my life and Crystal's life and for other Christian women as well and it can so easy easily become an idol. ⁓ It can we can become obsessed with it, with how we look, how we perform, and subtly and over time our validation and our worth and our just self respect is found in fitness, ⁓ instead of where instead of you where it should only be found. Yes. And Father God, I I just I pray in particular for Crystal. ⁓ I lift her up to you. You know her heart, you know her struggles, you know her thoughts, and she has a desire to compete again. But her heart is definitely in a different place now than it was before. And I just pray that you would increase her discernment to tell from right and wrong to ⁓ help her recognize if if fitness is becoming an idol in her life. Yes, Lord. And I just pray that you would over all, over and above all, that you would increase her love for you. Yes, Lord. And that ⁓ she would just draw near to you in times of need, in times of struggle with this area. And ⁓ I pray that if you do want her to compete, if that is an area of her life that you want her to go. Then I just pray that you would give her your strength, yes, Lord your wisdom. Yes, Lord. And that she would use it to glorify and worship you and you alone, not herself. Yes, God. And if this is an area that you don't want her to pursue, I pray that you would close that door and give her contentment ⁓ to be okay with that decision because it is you and you alone that she should worship and glorify. And I just I pray that if there is any other woman out there who is struggling with this, who is listening to this, ⁓ I pray that you would draw near to them as well. Yes, Lord. Give them contentment, give them discernment. And if fitness is an idol in their life, I pray that your spirit would convict them and Just let them know that you are with them regardless of what they look like. Yes. Regardless if they compete, that they are your child. And yeah, I just I pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen. I also leaned really close to the mic and I probably knocked my nose on it. So if there's a particular sound, I apologize. ⁓ well I ladies, I hope that you found some ⁓ wisdom, perhaps a bit a little bit of a reflection for you, prayer and meditation around where your heart is with your outlook on fitness. And ⁓ just know that you are loved and we'll see you guys on the next episode. Bye.