Latest / Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor / Mojo Monday: When Reality and Desire Don’t Align With Carly Taylor

Transcript

Mojo Monday: When Reality and Desire Don’t Align With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Cully here and welcome to this week's
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Mojo Monday. So this morning, something very trivial happened, but
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: it's a really common thing happened to me and it
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: got me thinking and inspired me to do this podcast.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: So I was turning right onto a double lane highway
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and it's one of those highways where you can stop
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: in the middle before you actually turn right. And so
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I had stopped in the middle and this big forward
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: truck pulled up right beside me. So he clearly didn't
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: want to wait for me to go before he came up,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: but by doing this, he blocked my view so I
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: couldn't see the traffic coming towards me to turn right.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: This was totally unnecessary for him to do this, and
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I've felt it. I this wave of irritation just rose
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: up in my body, and I was really annoyed, and
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: for a moment my mind went where it went, exactly
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: where you would expect it to go. So I was
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: saying things like, why would you do that? You know,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: that's so rude. I can't see. But then something else
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: kicked in for me. And what happened was I noticed
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: the annoyance and I thought, ah, here it is. I'm
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: experiencing what we call she no mujhon. So let me
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: explain that term, because it's a really, really powerful one,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: and I would guarantee that the majority of you, if
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: not all of you, have experienced this. So she saw
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: no mujon and I apologize for my pronunciation to all
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: the Japanese speaking people out there, but you don't need
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: to be Japanese to really understand this concept. It comes
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: from Japanese psychiatry Showmamrita, and it refers to this internal
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: conflict that we all experience when reality doesn't match what
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: we want things to be. So it's that tension between
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: what is which is reality, and what we wish was
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: happening instead, which is just an ideal. So this relates
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: not only to outside events like trucks blocking your way
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: and the blocking your view in the traffic, but it
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: also relates to our internal states. So we don't want
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: to feel anxious because it's really uncomfortable, so we struggle
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: with trying to fight it off, which often makes things worse.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So he describes this as the opposing tension between one's
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: desire that life and a sense of self be a
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: certain way and the facts of how life is. And
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: this morning, that was exactly what was going on with me.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So I didn't want the truck to be there. So
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: frustration showed up and then all of a sudden, my
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: mood and my state is changed. But he was there,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: and frustration was also there, and that was the reality. Now,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: because my awareness of the emotions came up, I had
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: a choice. So I could stew in the irritation and
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: let it dictate how I behaved, like you know, beeping
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: him or giving him a dirty look. Or I could
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: simply acknowledge that the situation wasn't what I wanted, it
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: was a minor inconvenience, and still choose to respond. So
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I just went with it. I inched forward slowly, I
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: got a clear view, saw my lane was open, and
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: off I went. So there was no drama, There was
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: no horns, no did he looks, no big story. I
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: just moved on. Now I'm not telling this because I
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: always handle things in this way, because I definitely don't.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: But this morning it was just such a good reminder
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: for me. So we deal with she saw normal on
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: every day in different ways and in different intensities. You know,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: things like you want peace and quiet because you're trying
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to work or study, but the neighbor's dog is barking NonStop.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Or your room looks like a floor robe because your
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: partner's clothes are just thrown on there, and so you
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: start to feel resentful, or you're injured and you can't
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: exercise it, you can't play the game, so you start
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: feeling depressed about that, or you feel anxious and you
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: wish you felt calm already. And it's that gap between
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: reality and our desire for something, and it's uncomfortable. And
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the more we struggle with reality, the wider that gap gets.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: But it's not something to fight, it's something to notice
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: because the more we can acknowledge both the reality and
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: our ideas of how we want things to be equally
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: and not focusing on one more than the other, and
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: that's our internal experience and our external circumstances, the more
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: space we have to be able to respond with clarity
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: rather than react with emotion. So this week, if you
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: find yourself irritated or anxious or disappointed or just fed up,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: just take a little pause. Ask yourself, is this a
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: moment of she saw no mujon am i caught up
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: in this tension between what is and what I wish
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: was happening, and can I hold space for both and
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: still move forward with intention. So I hope you got
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: value from that. I certainly get value from this from
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: she saw no mujon. This is just increasing our self
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: awareness of the nature of our humanness. So I am
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: wishing you all a very calm and clear headed week.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I hope people don't get too annoying in the traffic,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: and I will see you next Monday. See yea