Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 184. Dealing with Rejection: How to Stop Being so F*cking Scared of it

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184. Dealing with Rejection: How to Stop Being so F*cking Scared of it · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi
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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
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Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises with your host Ashi
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Speaker 2: and Tiana. Today's episode is gonna all be about why
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Speaker 2: we fear rejection so damn much, what we can we
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Speaker 2: do about it to combat it, and how we in
0:43
Speaker 2: the past have helped overcome this fear of rejection so
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Speaker 2: that we can really come into ourselves, our goals, and
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Speaker 2: actually start working towards things that we really want in life.
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Speaker 1: I love that.
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Speaker 2: But before we get into it and we have a
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Speaker 2: share of the week, Okay, see what's yours?
0:57
Speaker 1: Mine is just some notes about emotions. If emotions could talk,
1:02
Speaker 1: this is what they really mean. Underneath the initial reaction,
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Speaker 1: oh anger, It's saying that something needs to change, something's
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Speaker 1: triggered you, and it's there for a reason. Jealousy This
1:13
Speaker 1: is showing you what you really want. Let it inspire
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Speaker 1: you instead of consume you guilt. It's saying you did
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Speaker 1: something that doesn't match your values. You can change it. Fear,
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Speaker 1: your greatest strength is hiding here. Look closer, dig it deeper.
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Speaker 1: Shame if that arises for you, This is part of
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Speaker 1: you that needs some love and acceptance by you. If
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Speaker 1: you're frustrated, it means you're feeling stuck and that you
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Speaker 1: need to find a new way. Ooh, I love put
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Speaker 1: it in a bit more of a simple way.
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Speaker 2: Just yeah, to and verify, like what's actually happening?
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Speaker 1: Yes, underneath that, just that word.
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Speaker 2: I think awareness makes everything so much easier, Like when
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Speaker 2: you can understand yourself and what's kind of happening for you,
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Speaker 2: it makes it so much easier to deal with it.
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Speaker 1: Doesn't it. Love that thanks your turn? What's your share
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Speaker 1: of the week?
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Speaker 2: So mine is just very simple quote. It doesn't say
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Speaker 2: who it's from. It just says like unknown, but it
2:02
Speaker 2: says a hungry stomach, an empty pocket, and a broken
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Speaker 2: heart can teach you some of the best lessons of life.
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Speaker 2: Oh and I liked this only because when we're going
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Speaker 2: through like our biggest challenges sometimes it feels like the
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Speaker 2: world is ending and it feels like I just want
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Speaker 2: to get out of this place so much, and I
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Speaker 2: relate to that because of like recently having gone through
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Speaker 2: like a heartbreak that really kind of like turned my
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Speaker 2: world upside down, and in that moment, I just wished
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Speaker 2: for me to get out of that space so much,
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Speaker 2: like I don't want to feel this anymore, don't want
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Speaker 2: to go through this without realizing that it honestly changed
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Speaker 2: me as a woman for the better, and I wouldn't
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Speaker 2: be who I am today without it because of the
2:40
Speaker 2: very valuable lessons I learned, having to be heartbroken, having
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Speaker 2: to choose myself, having to leave somebody that I loved
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Speaker 2: and that I wanted to stay with. So I think, Yeah,
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Speaker 2: some of the hardest lessons in life are the biggest teachers.
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Speaker 2: And when you can be willing to see the lesson
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Speaker 2: as opposed to getting sucked into the hurt and the pain,
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Speaker 2: it will change you as a person for the better.
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Speaker 1: That's so true. It's always our rock bottoms, our biggest
3:03
Speaker 1: challenges that teach us most, and in hindsight we look
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Speaker 1: back and go, Wow, wouldn't be here I am today.
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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have met this person and would have taken
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Speaker 1: that opportunity. I wouldn't have learned. It wouldn't be who
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Speaker 1: I am today if I didn't go through all of that. Absolutely,
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Speaker 1: like those low lows are where the biggest growth happens.
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Speaker 1: We go through the biggest transformations in that time. And
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Speaker 1: whilst we wouldn't wish those moments on our blest enemies
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Speaker 1: or ourselves to go through again or ourselves, that's right,
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Speaker 1: but they transform us for the better.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, because that's the moment we have the biggest growth.
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Speaker 1: That's very true. And in hindsight, we can all look
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Speaker 1: back on times we've gone through and you just know
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Speaker 1: you had to go through that.
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Speaker 2: Oh, you just had to.
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Speaker 1: It's preparing you for something bigger. Yeah, to make you
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Speaker 1: hold more, to help you be able to help others,
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Speaker 1: to help you see things in a different perspective. It's
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Speaker 1: really cool, absolutely all right.
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Speaker 2: Rejection, why is it the scariest It's a wound. We've
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Speaker 2: got a tid's there.
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Speaker 1: I don't know being rejected. I mean the first thing
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Speaker 1: I think about is being rejected means like you're out
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Speaker 1: of the tribe. Yeah, you're alone, You're not good enough.
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Speaker 1: It brings up all of your wounds. If someone rejects
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Speaker 1: you and doesn't want you, it's like all those old thoughts,
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Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy enough, I'm too dumb,
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Speaker 1: I'm not pretty enough. Like all the insecurities arise because
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Speaker 1: you're trying to find a reason to understand why you
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Speaker 1: were rejected. Especially when you have no clothes. You just
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Speaker 1: jump to what you've always thought about yourself. So it's
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Speaker 1: scary and it's uncomfortable, and no one wants to be rejected. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: even though I do love the quote that rejection is
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Speaker 1: just redirection. When you're younger, I feel like you don't
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Speaker 1: really trust that, no, But as you get older, you know,
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Speaker 1: sometimes if someone's rejecting you, or if you didn't get
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Speaker 1: the job or something you go to plan, you know
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Speaker 1: it's because something better around the corner. But it's still
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Speaker 1: hard in the initial moment of like, oh I wasn't chosen, okay,
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Speaker 1: of course, can't build a swallow oh.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely. And also because that quote, I almost feel like
4:45
Speaker 2: you need to have experienced it.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, for you to know that it's true evidence.
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Speaker 2: You know, because let's say, for example, you break up
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Speaker 2: with the person that you want to be with, and
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Speaker 2: then you find your life partner and you get married
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Speaker 2: and you have children. That would be evidence of like, okay,
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Speaker 2: rejection is redirection, but until you have that evidence, you're
5:02
Speaker 2: kind of just like floating around like, oh, I hope
5:04
Speaker 2: this is good. Yeah, kind of like winging and hoping
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Speaker 2: that yeah, something better is coming along while still having
5:10
Speaker 2: to hold and navigate the wound that you feel.
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Speaker 1: Yes, I remember when I got fired from Value Girl
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Speaker 1: when I was younger, and if I didn't get fired
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Speaker 1: from Valley Girl, I wouldn't have gone on to do
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Speaker 1: my PT course. I never would have had the courage
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Speaker 1: to do. I would have stayed in that job because
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Speaker 1: it was my income, was how I was surviving and
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Speaker 1: paying my bills. Getting fired, I was like, fuck, what
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Speaker 1: am I gonna do now? He's like, perfect, here's the course,
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Speaker 1: off you go. Excellent. So that was a perfect moment
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Speaker 1: of me, Oh, I've been rejected here, I've been fired,
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Speaker 1: but it's redirecting me over here, and that's where I
5:35
Speaker 1: was meant to go. Like I'd been kicked out at
5:36
Speaker 1: home when I was sixteen, so I'd always had work
5:39
Speaker 1: since I was thirteen. I'd always paid my way and
5:41
Speaker 1: taken care of myself, looked after myself, and financially I
5:44
Speaker 1: had to have my own back. So when I got
5:46
Speaker 1: fired and lost that job, I was like, fuck, how
5:49
Speaker 1: am I going to pay my bills? And I just
5:51
Speaker 1: saved up enough money to buy a car, and a
5:53
Speaker 1: week later that car blew up, so I no longer
5:55
Speaker 1: had transport. I'd lost my job. I'd just moved in
5:58
Speaker 1: with Steve, and I felt so unstable, yeah, and so
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Speaker 1: lost and so alone yet again, you know, as a
6:04
Speaker 1: young team. I was like, fuck, I just feel like
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Speaker 1: a failure. Everything I'm doing is breaking and not working.
6:09
Speaker 1: I felt like I was getting rejected everywhere.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that like broke me was just one area,
6:13
Speaker 2: was multi no once, but.
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Speaker 1: It was like the universe was forcing me to grow
6:17
Speaker 1: and forcing me to go and do something that I
6:20
Speaker 1: always believe the universe has tends ups ahead of us. Yeah.
6:22
Speaker 1: So I feel like our plans already laid out for us,
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Speaker 1: and that was my plan to go and be apt
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Speaker 1: and help women and I wouldn't be here talking today.
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Speaker 1: But I didn't go through all of that because every rejection,
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Speaker 1: every different path I've taken, every business that I've closed,
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Speaker 1: down or started again. Has led me to just be
6:35
Speaker 1: here today during sit rises. I love that, but you
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Speaker 1: have to trust in that. Younger I didn't trust and
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Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck the universe is against me?
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Speaker 1: I'm always so unlucky. This happens because I'm not good enough.
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Speaker 1: Is that a bad childhood? Bah blah blah, victim, victim, victim.
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Speaker 1: But when you're in the energy too, you keep attracting
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Speaker 1: more of that. So true. Oh my god, I'm making
6:53
Speaker 1: this for myself right. Yeah. It's like if you start
6:56
Speaker 1: your day off and you know, you can trip over
6:57
Speaker 1: something on the floor and you're like, oh, fuck my toe,
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Speaker 1: and then you spill your coffee and it'say, oh fuck.
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Speaker 1: You get this energy of fuck. All this shit keeps
7:03
Speaker 1: happening because you're attracting it. Stop and take your breath
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Speaker 1: and smell the fucking fresh air. Be grateful for what
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Speaker 1: you've got. Bet your day will turn around.
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Speaker 2: That happened to me the other on the weekend.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah me, Oh my god, I got your period.
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Speaker 1: I got so I was bad news.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, confronted with something that was like super heavy. So
7:21
Speaker 2: I was crying about that.
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Speaker 1: That was the first thing that was the first.
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Speaker 2: Thing, and then I was just in a foul mood
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Speaker 2: after that. And then the second thing, my nephew literally
7:28
Speaker 2: head butt me straight in.
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Speaker 1: The nose and I bumped it.
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Speaker 2: I had like a bruise and everything, Oh my gosh.
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Speaker 1: And I was just.
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Speaker 2: Bawling my eyes out.
7:36
Speaker 1: And then you got your period and then I got
7:37
Speaker 1: my period and I was just oh my god. It
7:38
Speaker 1: was a mess. But yeah, it is.
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Speaker 2: When you're in that energy, you were so much more
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Speaker 2: prone to that negative frequency. Yes, you definitely do attract
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Speaker 2: more of it. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Same with a friendship ending, like devastating. I felt so
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Speaker 1: rejected and not chosen and no closure. And then around
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Speaker 1: the same time that's happening, I met you, and I
7:55
Speaker 1: was like, wow, if that friendship hadn't ended, maybe I
7:58
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been as open to meeting you. Yeah, but
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Speaker 1: that rejection was redirected me to someone who was more aligned,
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Speaker 1: who could love all of me, could hold all of me,
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Speaker 1: and look where we are now. Yeah, so it's more evidence.
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Speaker 1: But you're right, I have had a lot of evidence
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Speaker 1: and I do really trust in that that now when
8:12
Speaker 1: shit happens from like some beds coming Yeah, but what
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Speaker 1: it is, Yeah, what it is when it's coming and
8:18
Speaker 1: a buckle my sick bed in and hold on tied
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Speaker 1: and enjoy the ride.
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Speaker 2: When I think of rejection, the first thing I think
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Speaker 2: of is like what you mentioned, not being accepted or
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Speaker 2: not no longer belonging where I want to belong. And
8:30
Speaker 2: for me, that's been in friendship circles or being chosen
8:33
Speaker 2: by an intimate partner or something like that. And so
8:36
Speaker 2: for me, I feel like that fear of rejection really
8:39
Speaker 2: showed up for me growing up when I was really
8:42
Speaker 2: a chameleon in friendships trying to figure out still who
8:46
Speaker 2: I was as a young girl and where I fit in,
8:48
Speaker 2: you know. So it's like I try on different hats
8:50
Speaker 2: in different friend groups because I'd be like, okay, well
8:53
Speaker 2: these people behave like this, so in order for me
8:55
Speaker 2: to be accepted here, I have to behave like them.
8:57
Speaker 2: So the party girls or the party girls, or like
9:00
Speaker 2: the little bit like I've been in friendship groups who
9:02
Speaker 2: were like a little bit more mean, and I tried
9:04
Speaker 2: to fit like the mean how to like not nonchalant,
9:06
Speaker 2: not giving a fuck in my ego, and I tried
9:09
Speaker 2: to kind of fit the glove that they were wearing too,
9:11
Speaker 2: and I just realized that it wasn't me. And the
9:13
Speaker 2: interesting thing about that is when I came out of
9:15
Speaker 2: that friendship group, I actually had people comment on social
9:18
Speaker 2: media send me messages being like, you are so different
9:21
Speaker 2: now that you're not friends with them. Wow, Like I
9:23
Speaker 2: love the way that you've softened since being friends with
9:25
Speaker 2: these people, And I was like, Wow, that's crazy. It's
9:29
Speaker 2: cool to have that reflection.
9:31
Speaker 1: And for other people to feel I've had that the
9:32
Speaker 1: last twelve months too, when people say like, oh, you've changed,
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Speaker 1: You've got this different or about you, or you've softened.
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Speaker 1: Kind of my old high school girlfriend say the other day,
9:39
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't know what's happened, but this last
9:41
Speaker 1: twelve months, you've just softened so much. Oh, that's such
9:44
Speaker 1: a beaut of It's been so cool to like, she goes,
9:45
Speaker 1: I'm so much more drawn to your energy and what
9:47
Speaker 1: you say now. Yes, because of this energy that you
9:50
Speaker 1: have around you.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so nice. It's a cool reflection to have that.
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Speaker 2: But it just goes to show how willing we are
9:57
Speaker 2: to abandon ourselves to fit into places. Because when the
10:01
Speaker 2: fear of rejection for me at least, has been in
10:03
Speaker 2: the forefront I didn't really care care about what I
10:06
Speaker 2: was doing, how I was showing up. I just wanted
10:07
Speaker 2: to be accepted. Yeah, I just wanted to be included, loved,
10:11
Speaker 2: felt like I belonged somewhere in the world.
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Speaker 1: No one wants to be alone, right, We're primarily made
10:16
Speaker 1: to be in a tribe.
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Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, yeah, But like I feel like sometimes when
10:19
Speaker 2: you're in it, you don't realize to the level that
10:22
Speaker 2: you're doing it. So true, you know, I feel like
10:24
Speaker 2: it's always in hindsight where you look back and go, wow,
10:26
Speaker 2: that was not me, or like Sam Tiana, like you
10:30
Speaker 2: were really a chameleon. Then yeah, you know. So the
10:33
Speaker 2: interesting part about rejection though, when it comes to anything
10:37
Speaker 2: in life, you have to be willing to be rejected
10:39
Speaker 2: to get what you want.
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Speaker 1: It so true.
10:41
Speaker 2: The way that this makes sense in my head is
10:42
Speaker 2: putting it in like a relationship standpoint or even a
10:45
Speaker 2: friendship standpoint, where if you don't put yourself out there
10:48
Speaker 2: to begin with, you're not going to be rejected. You
10:50
Speaker 2: may protect yourself from the fear of rejection, but you
10:53
Speaker 2: don't even put yourself in front of the opportunity of love.
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Speaker 1: It's going to miss out on the questions.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, the fear stops you from even trying or even
11:01
Speaker 2: taking one step. And that applies to business too.
11:04
Speaker 1: Yeah.
11:04
Speaker 2: How many times to people, and myself included stop myself
11:08
Speaker 2: in the past of stop myself from going after something
11:10
Speaker 2: I wanted because the fear in my head was so
11:13
Speaker 2: much bigger. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of
11:17
Speaker 2: not being good enough was like in the forefront of
11:19
Speaker 2: my mind instead of actually just taking the leap and
11:22
Speaker 2: fucking around and finding out.
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Speaker 1: Will we do anything to avoid pain and to gain pleasure? Yeah,
11:28
Speaker 1: So not putting yourself out there you are avoiding pain,
11:32
Speaker 1: but then you're also not getting pleasure, and you're also
11:35
Speaker 1: in pain because you're not getting connection, which is what
11:37
Speaker 1: you want. It's like a double sort it is, isn't it.
11:39
Speaker 2: It's a ledged sword because you're avoiding pain but creating pain.
11:42
Speaker 1: Yes, you're not getting pleasure from not putting yourself out there. Oh,
11:46
Speaker 1: which causes more pain. There's such a paradox, isn't it.
11:48
Speaker 1: Isn't it?
11:49
Speaker 2: It's such an interesting thing.
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Speaker 1: I've heard you talk about rejection therapy. Yes, what can
11:54
Speaker 1: you talk about this more? Because it's something I haven't
11:56
Speaker 1: ever done. Before, but I think I remember you're showing
11:58
Speaker 1: me someone on socials that was doing like a challenge
12:00
Speaker 1: or something.
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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, so I saw this girl do it and
12:04
Speaker 2: it's like reject therapy kind of challenge and it would
12:09
Speaker 2: go for like thirty days or something like that. And
12:11
Speaker 2: this woman she posted all of these different videos and
12:13
Speaker 2: she vlogged the whole way. So every single day she
12:16
Speaker 2: wrote down a list and set herself a task, one
12:19
Speaker 2: different thing every day where she would have to put
12:22
Speaker 2: herself out there in a way that felt really uncomfortable
12:25
Speaker 2: where she may be rejected. So say, for example, would
12:27
Speaker 2: be really silly things like she would go to like
12:29
Speaker 2: a fire station, yah and like ask the fireman if
12:33
Speaker 2: she can put on their suit, or or she would
12:36
Speaker 2: ask a random if a random would come and sit
12:39
Speaker 2: and have coffee with her, like say like some girl
12:41
Speaker 2: who looked her age whatever, Hey, would you want to
12:44
Speaker 2: come and sit and have coffee with me? I'll buy
12:45
Speaker 2: you a coffee? Would you let me do that for you?
12:48
Speaker 2: And she would go and then she would hey, can
12:49
Speaker 2: I pay for your groceries? Like all these different things
12:52
Speaker 2: that really pushed her outside of her comfort zone where
12:55
Speaker 2: she was forced to be faced with the feeling of rejection.
12:58
Speaker 1: Because I'm guessing she got rejected quite a bit, because
13:00
Speaker 1: she got rejected quite a bit.
13:01
Speaker 2: And the purpose of it is the more that you
13:04
Speaker 2: get yourself in front of her rejection, the less overwhelming
13:07
Speaker 2: it feels when you get rejected. So you almost build
13:09
Speaker 2: like a tolerance to that feeling of rejection because you go, well,
13:12
Speaker 2: oh my god, I did this scary thing, but I
13:13
Speaker 2: didn't die.
13:14
Speaker 1: Yes, exposure therapy exposure therapy in it a cold therapy,
13:18
Speaker 1: but that if days in a row, the first day
13:20
Speaker 1: is going to feel the hardest. The last da you're
13:21
Speaker 1: probably gonna be like, I'm pretty used to this thing. That's right.
13:23
Speaker 2: Same thing with posting on social media. The first day
13:25
Speaker 2: is the most terrifying thing in the world. After three months,
13:27
Speaker 2: you like doing it with your eyes closed, like you're
13:28
Speaker 2: brushing your teeth. It's the same thing. Or even having
13:32
Speaker 2: hard conversations, same thing. When you first have them. You
13:35
Speaker 2: want to literally throw up.
13:36
Speaker 1: Yes, it's so true. You want to throw out.
13:38
Speaker 2: Your palms are sweating. You're scared of the verbal diarrhea
13:42
Speaker 2: that you're going to a feral diarrhea kind of of
13:46
Speaker 2: what's going to come out of your mouth because it's
13:47
Speaker 2: so suppressed you don't know what you're going to say.
13:50
Speaker 2: But then after you've done it a few times, eight
13:53
Speaker 2: weeks down the line, you're like, oh my god, this
13:55
Speaker 2: is like just any other conversation. Yeah, this doesn't feel
13:58
Speaker 2: as I mean, obviously it's still scary, but it doesn't
14:01
Speaker 2: feel as hard because you get better at it. And
14:03
Speaker 2: the whole point of this, like rejection therapy, no matter
14:06
Speaker 2: what it is, that your goal is relationship, putting yourself
14:09
Speaker 2: out there dating more, building friends, building a business, whatever
14:12
Speaker 2: it is, put yourself in front of that thing as
14:16
Speaker 2: many times as you can in the shortest period possible.
14:19
Speaker 2: That's cool because you will overcome the feat in like
14:21
Speaker 2: seven days. Imagine how you feel in seven days time
14:23
Speaker 2: if you're like, oh my god, what was they even
14:25
Speaker 2: worried about.
14:26
Speaker 1: I remember Stephen Megsie did this course. It was called
14:28
Speaker 1: the Breach by Appreston a Lexi. They're from Austin in
14:31
Speaker 1: America and they come over and do it. And that
14:34
Speaker 1: was one of the things they had to do was
14:35
Speaker 1: go out in public and I think Megsi had to sing,
14:38
Speaker 1: oh in the middle of service Paradise, I'm go and
14:41
Speaker 1: I can't remember what Stave's task was, something really quote
14:45
Speaker 1: unquote embarrassing they had to get rejected for. And yeah,
14:48
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's really cool. And then when
14:50
Speaker 1: they were telling me about it, I was like, ooh,
14:52
Speaker 1: I would feel so nervous doing that.
14:53
Speaker 2: I just had an idea, Well, should we do a
14:56
Speaker 2: rejection therapy series?
14:58
Speaker 1: We could on social media? Oh my gosho'ld be funny,
15:00
Speaker 1: even if it was like fourteen days or something, so
15:02
Speaker 1: each day we both have to go out and public
15:03
Speaker 1: and get rejected. Yeah, okay, now I'm scared. We should though,
15:08
Speaker 1: that'd be funny.
15:08
Speaker 2: It'd be cool to like showcase this. Yeah, would you
15:11
Speaker 2: guys follow along if we did?
15:12
Speaker 1: Oh my god, let us know. That'd be so cool. Yeah.
15:14
Speaker 2: Done, I'm scared, But like, what would we have each
15:16
Speaker 2: other do though? Anything that comes to mind?
15:19
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do we both come up with each others? Yes?
15:21
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I reckon. You'd make me ask men
15:23
Speaker 2: out just because I don't like doing it.
15:26
Speaker 1: No, I probably wouldn't do that because I feel like
15:28
Speaker 1: the inductress would be like, okay, I got this, hey boy, fair,
15:34
Speaker 1: and I feel like you would be able to do
15:36
Speaker 1: that you want to do things that you're out of
15:38
Speaker 1: the norm.
15:39
Speaker 2: Yes, but I also don't ask men out, so no,
15:41
Speaker 2: that feels out of the norm.
15:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think Tatiana could do it.
15:45
Speaker 2: You're like more intense, or we're gonna have to go
15:48
Speaker 2: into a fire station. Almost asked to slide down the pole.
15:53
Speaker 1: I'd be like, sure, girls, go ahead. I don't think
15:57
Speaker 1: they would reject us for that. Oh my gosh, we
16:00
Speaker 1: definitely can't.
16:00
Speaker 2: Some ideas, yeah, Or you guys want to send us
16:04
Speaker 2: a d M anything that you think that we should do.
16:06
Speaker 1: That's a good idea.
16:07
Speaker 2: Maybe we should make get them you guys, yes, Oh
16:11
Speaker 2: that scares me.
16:12
Speaker 1: Okay, so if you're in our forum, she rises, come
16:15
Speaker 1: in there and let us know. What are some things
16:17
Speaker 1: we could do to face rejection? Yes, but situations that
16:20
Speaker 1: we have to put ourselves in, Like it has to
16:22
Speaker 1: be an edge though, and we have to do it
16:24
Speaker 1: separately because together I feel comfort.
16:29
Speaker 2: We can ours. We'll see what everyone says. Maybe you
16:31
Speaker 2: guys can suggest do you think that we should do
16:33
Speaker 2: it on our own or do you think we should
16:34
Speaker 2: do it together?
16:35
Speaker 1: Because it could be me new singing a Brittany speed
16:37
Speaker 1: song together. They be litle steps paradise. Can you imagine
16:39
Speaker 1: choreograph dance? Oh my god, this is going to be hard.
16:43
Speaker 1: Is going to feel resistance.
16:45
Speaker 2: I feel challenged me too, just thinking about is my idea? Okay,
16:48
Speaker 2: don't know what you guys are gonna set for us, though.
16:50
Speaker 1: I know I'm scared. We'll see what you guys come
16:53
Speaker 1: through with. Even OSK steve to give us some ideas. Yeah,
16:56
Speaker 1: makes you probably good for this too. Okay, done, you
16:58
Speaker 1: give us some Oh my god, we'll gather our charge
17:00
Speaker 1: of BOUTI. Okay. Done.
17:04
Speaker 2: Sounds good coming back into like the actual rejection therapy
17:07
Speaker 2: and like how to actually overcome it. I feel like
17:09
Speaker 2: rejection only feels bad when you attach negative meaning to it.
17:14
Speaker 1: Okay.
17:14
Speaker 2: So let's say, for example, when you know, maybe there's
17:18
Speaker 2: a man that you like, and you're like, oh, I
17:21
Speaker 2: want to ask him out or I want to talk
17:22
Speaker 2: to him, and then he's not as receptive or he
17:24
Speaker 2: doesn't like he's not interested in you in that way,
17:27
Speaker 2: it will become a really heavy thing when you start
17:30
Speaker 2: to make it mean that you're not good enough as
17:31
Speaker 2: a woman.
17:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, true, as opposed to like the meaning you're attached
17:35
Speaker 1: to the situation.
17:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, the opinion that you attached to the situation, because
17:38
Speaker 2: if you think that that rejection means that you're not
17:40
Speaker 2: good enough, of course you're going to a spiral because
17:42
Speaker 2: then it's like, oh my god, I'm not good enough?
17:45
Speaker 2: Something about me that's wrong? Why didn't he like me?
17:47
Speaker 2: Just should I be different? Should I big making it
17:50
Speaker 2: bigger as opposed to what the reality is of that
17:53
Speaker 2: situation is, Oh, I'm not compatible.
17:55
Speaker 1: With that man, right, maybe he's not ready for a
17:57
Speaker 1: relationship because he just got out of the fifteen years absolutely.
18:00
Speaker 2: Like instead of immediately making rejection mean that there's something
18:03
Speaker 2: wrong with you, point, it's like, well, what was the
18:06
Speaker 2: reality of the situation? What's the truth of the situation?
18:09
Speaker 2: I feel isn't always the truth?
18:11
Speaker 1: No, And you don't want to assume the worst and
18:13
Speaker 1: make it about you and it's nothing to do with you.
18:14
Speaker 1: Because even thinking if like, say you dared me to
18:16
Speaker 1: go up and offer to buy someone a coffee and
18:18
Speaker 1: stand and to have a coffee, they might be a
18:20
Speaker 1: super introverted person that's in a rush on their way
18:22
Speaker 1: to work. Yes, they might might want to love to
18:24
Speaker 1: have stand and have a conversation, but they're like, fuck,
18:26
Speaker 1: I better her to work in five minutes and I'm
18:28
Speaker 1: overwhelmed and no, like, I can't. I can only affort
18:31
Speaker 1: my own coffee, you know.
18:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely good point. A cool way to see this
18:34
Speaker 2: is like in a friendship, even say, when there's something
18:37
Speaker 2: that one of us does, if we make that mean
18:40
Speaker 2: that the other person, Oh she didn't like my idea,
18:43
Speaker 2: she thinks I'm dumb. Oh she, then it's we spiral.
18:46
Speaker 2: But it's like we're not assuming that it means something
18:49
Speaker 2: about us. We're not assuming the worst about the other person.
18:52
Speaker 2: And when you don't do that, you're like, oh, I
18:54
Speaker 2: can think of a more logical reason as to work.
18:56
Speaker 2: This wasn't a fit. So good, and I think that
18:58
Speaker 2: in itself so powerful. Oh it's a game changer. It's
19:01
Speaker 2: like seeing it with a neutral lens instead of automatically
19:04
Speaker 2: thinking the worst.
19:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think when we talk about the fear
19:07
Speaker 1: of rejection at the end of the day, even thinking
19:10
Speaker 1: about this challenge, I'm like, what is the worst thing
19:13
Speaker 1: that can happen? What do we make being rejected actually mean?
19:17
Speaker 1: Like what you've just said, You're not going to die, Yeah,
19:21
Speaker 1: you're going to get over it. You're going to survive
19:24
Speaker 1: and you're going to move on. Don't make it bigger
19:26
Speaker 1: than what it needs to be. Like when we get
19:28
Speaker 1: rejected doing this challenge, I don't see ourselves going home
19:31
Speaker 1: and crying about it for weeks, not at all. If
19:33
Speaker 1: we could, we might, but I think we're consciously choose
19:36
Speaker 1: not to. Yeah, because of what you just said.
19:38
Speaker 2: When it comes to other people, right, fear of rejection.
19:41
Speaker 2: Let's say we're doing it with other people, random strangers,
19:43
Speaker 2: what's the fear. The fear is this person who's going
19:45
Speaker 2: to judge me.
19:46
Speaker 1: Don't even fucking know them. Why don't I care what
19:48
Speaker 1: they think about me? That's the fear, right, I feel like,
19:50
Speaker 1: I all, I don't care, Like she says, he's help.
19:57
Speaker 2: No, you always say you're never going to see them again, babe.
19:59
Speaker 2: Literally when we're dancing out in public and doing stupid
20:01
Speaker 2: shit together, she's like, never going to see them again anyway.
20:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's like I feel award, like you don't know them,
20:05
Speaker 1: you don't care. Yeah, And then I'd be pumping on
20:09
Speaker 1: the street in a short dress and then a lady
20:10
Speaker 1: someone behind us, and I was dancing with us.
20:12
Speaker 2: Oh you don't care, Yes, you know when you fear
20:14
Speaker 2: the judgment of others. Immediately, the assumption is, well, they're
20:17
Speaker 2: going to have a negative assumption about it, which is
20:20
Speaker 2: also assuming the worst because.
20:21
Speaker 1: They could be thinking, oh my gosh, those girls look
20:23
Speaker 1: so much fun. I wish I had the courage to
20:25
Speaker 1: do that. Seriously.
20:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, about the times where someone sees you do something
20:28
Speaker 2: silly and they're smiling at you, like, oh my gosh, you.
20:30
Speaker 1: Just lit my you had a shit morning. Now you're
20:32
Speaker 1: making me laugh, Thank you, thank you? Yeah, because how
20:35
Speaker 1: many times do we do that?
20:36
Speaker 2: In Brisbane? That lady who danced behind us and she's
20:39
Speaker 2: like smiling. Look at your people walking past smiling like
20:41
Speaker 2: nodding their heads. You never know what someone's actually going
20:44
Speaker 2: to think and feel when they see what you're doing.
20:46
Speaker 2: Why do we all automatically assume that it's going to
20:48
Speaker 2: be negative?
20:49
Speaker 1: I know, right, I do that too sometimes too, if
20:51
Speaker 1: someone like, you know, when you can see someone's mouth,
20:53
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, that's actually WHI yes, I turned to
20:56
Speaker 1: the worst and yeah like fucking hate me. You're like,
20:58
Speaker 1: maybe they're inspired by you, maybe they want to come
21:00
Speaker 1: and ask for a photo. Yeah, they're like, why do
21:02
Speaker 1: you think the worst? I'm like, I don't know I'm scared.
21:03
Speaker 2: Maybe they're intimidated to come say hell.
21:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I'll get a message like, oh my gosh,
21:07
Speaker 1: sory the cap I would see I was too shy
21:08
Speaker 1: to come up and say hello. I'm like, oh my gosh,
21:09
Speaker 1: I don't bite also high.
21:11
Speaker 2: Maybe it's like maybe you inspired me to orgasm for
21:13
Speaker 2: the first.
21:13
Speaker 1: Time on the car five six. Thanks for getting me
21:17
Speaker 1: to my own You're welcome.
21:20
Speaker 2: You just never know, so true, never know.
21:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
21:23
Speaker 2: It just seems like a better place to live in
21:25
Speaker 2: your head when you're assuming the worst.
21:26
Speaker 1: I'd rather be delusional than be negative. It's so much
21:29
Speaker 1: choice and where we let our mind go. What we
21:31
Speaker 1: attach to each situation, the meanings were attached to any
21:35
Speaker 1: situation can make us spiral or make us level up
21:39
Speaker 1: and enjoy the process absolutely.
21:41
Speaker 2: Like when the video happened, the sex tape happened, my
21:45
Speaker 2: natural assumption for like a good twelve months after that,
21:48
Speaker 2: when I would meet new people in the back of
21:51
Speaker 2: my mind was has the person seen it? Have they
21:53
Speaker 2: watched it? And are they talking about it? Yeah? And
21:57
Speaker 2: that was my initial was like, oh my god, this
21:58
Speaker 2: person's either going to have no idea, who I am
22:00
Speaker 2: and not know anything about it, or they're going to
22:02
Speaker 2: assume that I'm a slot. That was my initial response.
22:05
Speaker 2: Me so anxious in social settings because I was so
22:08
Speaker 2: terrified to meet new people because I felt like I
22:10
Speaker 2: had this big skeleton in my closet that I didn't
22:14
Speaker 2: know if they knew about, and the uncertainty of that
22:16
Speaker 2: really scared me. But then I was just like, you
22:18
Speaker 2: know what, that story, that moment, that experience doesn't define
22:22
Speaker 2: who I am as a person. So why would I
22:24
Speaker 2: lead with that? Why would I lead? What about who
22:27
Speaker 2: I am as a friend? How I treat other people,
22:29
Speaker 2: the way that I like to engage in like humor
22:31
Speaker 2: and make people laugh, like I love doing that. What
22:34
Speaker 2: if their assumption of me was like, Oh, you're actually
22:36
Speaker 2: like funny, yah ah, cool, You're actually do you know
22:39
Speaker 2: iat sent of humor?
22:40
Speaker 1: Yeah?
22:40
Speaker 2: Why are we always assuming the negative?
22:42
Speaker 1: I can relate to that. I remember when I went
22:44
Speaker 1: through the hate really badly and there was that hate page.
22:46
Speaker 1: There's sixteen thousand people on there. I couldn't go to
22:49
Speaker 1: the shops by myself, and I'm blaming you know. I'm
22:51
Speaker 1: a very independent person, but I literally would get one
22:54
Speaker 1: of my friends or Steve or someone to come with me,
22:56
Speaker 1: because I thought that everyone at the shopping center hated me,
22:59
Speaker 1: Like thousands of people online actively follow and stalk my
23:03
Speaker 1: life to hate me and comment mean stuff and try
23:06
Speaker 1: and bring me down and tell me to go kill myself.
23:08
Speaker 1: I just thought everyone looking at me hate me. Yeah,
23:11
Speaker 1: so I would just get so anxious if I had
23:12
Speaker 1: to go to the shop on myself, and I would
23:14
Speaker 1: be sold my head looking down at my phone, like
23:16
Speaker 1: looking down with my head, and anyone that would look
23:18
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my gosh, I hate me.
23:21
Speaker 1: And it just made me hate myself. I was like,
23:22
Speaker 1: I just don't don't want to be here. I don't
23:23
Speaker 1: want to be seen.
23:24
Speaker 2: It was awful put in such a terrible headspace too
23:27
Speaker 2: does And.
23:28
Speaker 1: I think that's my initial response now when I see
23:30
Speaker 1: people say oh, that's Ashly Winds or they look at us,
23:32
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's like a negative it's that same response. Yeah.
23:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so interesting with that. Hey, you feel like
23:38
Speaker 2: you've got to try your best to rewire the way
23:41
Speaker 2: the initial response is. But makes so much sense though,
23:44
Speaker 2: because you had a negative experience, of course you're going
23:47
Speaker 2: to assume the worst because that's your like, your nervous
23:49
Speaker 2: system coming into play to protect myself.
23:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, they got to you write, You got to rewrite
23:54
Speaker 1: the story, not assume the worst, and everyone too.
23:56
Speaker 2: But it doesn't mean that it's not hard.
23:58
Speaker 1: It's very hard. Yeah, yeah, all right, challenge, challenge accepted.
24:03
Speaker 1: Oh let's do it.
24:04
Speaker 2: I am immediately grating voice in this.
24:06
Speaker 1: Oh oh my gosh, sow fourteen days. Yeah, we can
24:09
Speaker 1: set it how as long as we want? Okay, fourteen days.
24:14
Speaker 1: Do we have to do it every day? In a rogues?
24:16
Speaker 1: What if we're not together or can we film like
24:18
Speaker 1: say six in one day? Yeah, we could do that
24:20
Speaker 1: just so we've got but we uplook each day, post
24:22
Speaker 1: one each day and then it's like a series. Okay,
24:25
Speaker 1: everyone can follow along with day. That's a lot of rejection,
24:27
Speaker 1: but we sometimes do batch film content because time.
24:30
Speaker 2: Yes, we're busy, gut and were ready to have bruised egos.
24:33
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, it's all all for the growth of this.
24:37
Speaker 2: Although I am a little bit nervous that you guys
24:39
Speaker 2: are going to be the one posting them in.
24:41
Speaker 1: I'm like, ashually I know kind of know what she
24:43
Speaker 1: would make me do. Yeah, you guys I feel like
24:45
Speaker 1: there's going to be unhinge. That's true, bringing in the
24:47
Speaker 1: s RISES forum guys.
24:48
Speaker 2: Sounds good bye bye,